Proper Care & Maintenance of Your Merrill Hess (Pic Spam)
I made tons of Signs caps last night. Which means today is Signs pic spam day!
You're welcome to snag these pics for your own purposes. :-)
Warnings: There are about a billion pictures below the cut. So not dial-up friendly at all. Also, spoilers for the movie abound.
Congratulations on your selection of Merrill Hess. Before you begin using your Merrill, it's important to read through this manual thoroughly.
Behavioral Anomalies
Sleeping Habits: You may find that your Merrill often sleeps in his clothing and sometimes does not sleep in a bed. This is normal behavior for your Merrill.
If you must wake your Merrill, please do not scream. Jolting your Merrill awake may cause damage to him.
A gentle hand on the shoulder should awaken your Merrill without incident. Understandably, your Merrill may be confused for a few moments after being awakened.
Sarcasm: Your Merrill has a predisposition towards being sarcastic even in serious situations. If your Merrill becomes too sarcastic, say in a low, firm tone: "I'm not done asking questions and I don't appreciate sarcasm." It is normal for your Merrill to respond with "I was out of line with the whole female Scandanavian Olympian thing."
Obsessive Watching of Television: Your Merrill may have the tendency to watch far too much television. It is recommended that you encourage him to do other things such as reading Army pamphlets or tying up the family dog. Your Merrill may be insistent, so be sure to check all your closets to make sure he is not watching the television in there.
Warning: Serious side effects can occur when your Merrill watches too much television.
Dressing: Occasionally your Merrill will have trouble putting his clothing on. It is recommended that you assist your Merrill with his clothing or allow him to remain unclothed.
Warning: Do not tug on your Merrill's clothing too hard or else you may cause a clothing malfunction.
Speechifying: Your Merrill is normally very quiet, but occasionally your Merrill will make long speeches about nerds and/or crop circles. This is normal behavior. Politely nod your head while he is talking. Then distract him by asking him how work at the gas station is going.
Smoking: Unfortunately your Merrill is addicted to cigarettes. Fortunately, he looks incredibly sexy while doing it.
Special Talents
Chasing/Taunting Aliens: Your Merrill is very adept at chasing aliens who are trespassing on your property. If the aliens persist, your Merrill is fully equipped to throw things in their general direction to ensure they stay off your property.
Warning: Should the aliens invading your property also be Scandanavian Olympians, your Merrill may get distracted by their high-jumping skills.
Children: If you have misplaced your children, your Merrill's keen sense of hearing will help in finding them. If you have neglected your children, your Merrill will comfort them but will not tolerate any badmouthing of you.
Warning: Occasionally you may find that your Merrill is not around when your children need him the most. However, he can hardly be blamed for being in the kitchen while your normally friendly dogs nearly kill your daughter. You should forgive him even if the scene is deleted later.
Radio Antenna: Your Merrill can be used to enhance a radio signal from alien beings, although you will get the best reception if you also purchase the Morgan, Bo, and Graham models.
Warning: If your Merrill insists on putting a foil hat on himself and your children, allow him to do so for a short amount of time. Then tell him that it's all clear and the aliens can no longer read their secret thoughts.
Tools: Your Merrill is very handy with a number of tools. He is especially talented at using a baseball bat to beat aliens or other intruders. Be sure to say "Hammer away, Merrill" or "Swing away Merrill" to ensure proper use of the tools.
Warning: Do not allow your Merrill to use an axes unless you have a large supply of light bulbs.
Other Uses for Your Merrill
Looking Up Stairs: Send your Merrill to check for aliens. He's quick at discovering whether or not they are there.
Temporary Solutions: Aliens breaking into your home? Your Merrill can provide a 22 second temporary solution to the problem while you discover a more permanent one.
Holding a Door Against Invading Aliens: Your Merrill works best in this capacity when aided by a Graham Hess.
Building Barricades: Your Merrill can quickly build a barricade against any intruders using only what is available to him. Bonus: He will flash you a bit of his belly.
Angst: Your Merrill is capable of generating thousands of watts of angst in a short amount of time.
Closing Notes
Whenever possible, hug your Merrill.
It will make him happier.
You're welcome to snag these pics for your own purposes. :-)
Warnings: There are about a billion pictures below the cut. So not dial-up friendly at all. Also, spoilers for the movie abound.
Congratulations on your selection of Merrill Hess. Before you begin using your Merrill, it's important to read through this manual thoroughly.
Behavioral Anomalies
Sleeping Habits: You may find that your Merrill often sleeps in his clothing and sometimes does not sleep in a bed. This is normal behavior for your Merrill.
If you must wake your Merrill, please do not scream. Jolting your Merrill awake may cause damage to him.
A gentle hand on the shoulder should awaken your Merrill without incident. Understandably, your Merrill may be confused for a few moments after being awakened.
Sarcasm: Your Merrill has a predisposition towards being sarcastic even in serious situations. If your Merrill becomes too sarcastic, say in a low, firm tone: "I'm not done asking questions and I don't appreciate sarcasm." It is normal for your Merrill to respond with "I was out of line with the whole female Scandanavian Olympian thing."
Obsessive Watching of Television: Your Merrill may have the tendency to watch far too much television. It is recommended that you encourage him to do other things such as reading Army pamphlets or tying up the family dog. Your Merrill may be insistent, so be sure to check all your closets to make sure he is not watching the television in there.
Warning: Serious side effects can occur when your Merrill watches too much television.
Dressing: Occasionally your Merrill will have trouble putting his clothing on. It is recommended that you assist your Merrill with his clothing or allow him to remain unclothed.
Warning: Do not tug on your Merrill's clothing too hard or else you may cause a clothing malfunction.
Speechifying: Your Merrill is normally very quiet, but occasionally your Merrill will make long speeches about nerds and/or crop circles. This is normal behavior. Politely nod your head while he is talking. Then distract him by asking him how work at the gas station is going.
Smoking: Unfortunately your Merrill is addicted to cigarettes. Fortunately, he looks incredibly sexy while doing it.
Special Talents
Chasing/Taunting Aliens: Your Merrill is very adept at chasing aliens who are trespassing on your property. If the aliens persist, your Merrill is fully equipped to throw things in their general direction to ensure they stay off your property.
Warning: Should the aliens invading your property also be Scandanavian Olympians, your Merrill may get distracted by their high-jumping skills.
Children: If you have misplaced your children, your Merrill's keen sense of hearing will help in finding them. If you have neglected your children, your Merrill will comfort them but will not tolerate any badmouthing of you.
Warning: Occasionally you may find that your Merrill is not around when your children need him the most. However, he can hardly be blamed for being in the kitchen while your normally friendly dogs nearly kill your daughter. You should forgive him even if the scene is deleted later.
Radio Antenna: Your Merrill can be used to enhance a radio signal from alien beings, although you will get the best reception if you also purchase the Morgan, Bo, and Graham models.
Warning: If your Merrill insists on putting a foil hat on himself and your children, allow him to do so for a short amount of time. Then tell him that it's all clear and the aliens can no longer read their secret thoughts.
Tools: Your Merrill is very handy with a number of tools. He is especially talented at using a baseball bat to beat aliens or other intruders. Be sure to say "Hammer away, Merrill" or "Swing away Merrill" to ensure proper use of the tools.
Warning: Do not allow your Merrill to use an axes unless you have a large supply of light bulbs.
Other Uses for Your Merrill
Looking Up Stairs: Send your Merrill to check for aliens. He's quick at discovering whether or not they are there.
Temporary Solutions: Aliens breaking into your home? Your Merrill can provide a 22 second temporary solution to the problem while you discover a more permanent one.
Holding a Door Against Invading Aliens: Your Merrill works best in this capacity when aided by a Graham Hess.
Building Barricades: Your Merrill can quickly build a barricade against any intruders using only what is available to him. Bonus: He will flash you a bit of his belly.
Angst: Your Merrill is capable of generating thousands of watts of angst in a short amount of time.
Closing Notes
Whenever possible, hug your Merrill.
It will make him happier.