Sawyer/Juliet Fan Fic: Free To Stay
Title: Free To Stay - Chapter 5
Rating: PG
Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long to get another chapter up; I’ve been moving and just started college and a little bout of writer’s block came back to me. I basically had the whole story written out in June or July and now I’m just trying to find which parts to refine or take out or just run with. I hate that I get all self-conscious with my submissions, so I’ll try my best to finish it this month. Thanks for all the reviews and support. For some reason fanfiction.net isn't recognizing this file so I thought i'd upload it here first. Enjoy!
~
Chapter 5: By Any Other Name
Juliet hadn’t realized she had backed into the hallway until she felt her shoulders collide with the white plastered wall. She blinked and became aware of the fact that she had been staring wide-eyed at her shut bedroom door; she exhaled and also realized she had been barely breathing.
She knew she had been called a number of different things in her life, considerably on opposite ends of the spectrum. To be entirely fair, she had been a number of different things-significantly more than she liked to admit, even (especially) to herself.
Three years on this island had taught her it’s better to appear adapted, to appear tough-as if pretending for so long, denying for so long, will gradually turn the pretense into a twisted truth that any passersby would readily believe. To be honest, this wasn’t the first time a man called her by another name (thank you, Edmund), but this was the first time this unknown feeling rooted itself within her.
Whatever emotion this was, she could’ve sworn it felt a little like defeat.
The floorboard creaked and Juliet felt herself flinch, her reverie broken. As if on an old instinct, her mind had her body recoiling as if she’d been burnt (as if she refused to recognize that in a way she had been).
Miles had been rummaging through the refrigerator when he heard the bedroom door shut. Haphazardly prompted to investigate, he was met with the image of Juliet staring in a forlorn trance, instinctively shifting her weight to her right leg, and sighing as she leant against the nearest white wall.
He took a wary step closer and his frown increased; the Juliet he knew was never startled. He softened his approach and his casual tone masked his curiosity.
“Where are you hobbling off to now?”
Although it took a moment for her to compose herself, by the time Juliet’s gaze met his, the warmth that had been penetrating through her steely norm during their few weeks together seemed to disappear, only to be replaced by something stoic, something shielding, something like a façade.
“Are you on patrol now, Miles?” Her voice was as even as his, the coolness of it as unnerving as ever.
“If I plead the 5th, will you tell me what’s going on?”
“Juliet?” As if on cue, Jin’s tentative voice was heard on the other side of the hall. “Everything okay?”
She shook her head slightly as she leant back against one of her palms, her fingers splayed out against the stucco as her other hand ran through her disheveled locks. The last thing she wanted to do was explain what had just happened, what was swimming through her head, what was eating her up inside.
“What he do?” Jin nodded towards Miles and before she could respond Miles’ was shaking his head in defiance.
“Why do you have to assume it was me, Grandpa?”
~
She found herself out on the porch, half sitting as her fingers gripped the white wooden railing, her gaze fixated towards the homes of the barracks. Even though the ideal peacefulness of it all was more stifling than anything, she wasn’t exactly grateful when Miles and Jin, as expected, followed her outside a few moments later. Since both stood unmoving underneath the wooden doorframe as she stared up at midnight sky, she sensed they were debating whether or not to approach her.
“Thought you’d be asleep by now,” Miles cleared his throat in her silence as he neared her side. Jin had his arms carefully folded, watching the pair from behind. “Any particular reason why you’re out here?”
Initially, her face remained blank and determinedly faced forward as a light breeze blew a few curls past her cheeks; he was unsure she had even heard him.
“Is this your way of asking me what’s wrong?”
Her voice was cold, and he suddenly felt self-conscious for caring and turned to leave her in charge of her own hell. “Hey, I’m just trying to see if I could help. If you’d rather get drunk and mangled again be my guest.”
He stopped as she put a hand to her forehead.
“Sawyer,” she breathed in a small voice, the name feeling unfamiliar on her tongue. “He said her nickname in his sleep.” She paused, leant her head against the porch frame, and felt rather foolish. “He thought I was her.” Miles then opened his mouth in slight confusion, only to promptly close it as she continued to speak. There was this raw vulnerability in her voice he was sure only a rare few had witnessed. “I don’t know what I’m still doing here, Miles…I feel like if I give in and stay it’ll always be about her.”
Her brow seemed to furrow in a vinegary, vindicating mix of self-deprecation, wry amusement, and sorrow, and Miles was left to ponder just how broken a person could get. “Who?”
For the first time she seemed to directly regard him; she tilted her chin and her blue eyes connected with his as the name came almost unwillingly out.
“Kate.” Jin’s eyes suddenly flicked to her in curiosity.
“Kate…the buff, daddy-killing brunette?” She gave him a look.
“What? I’m just clarifying.” She seemed to smile a little to herself as she stared at the grass, and he took it as a good sign. “You know,” he nodded once for emphasis after a few moments as he leant against the railing, facing her, “When you told me you were an Other or whatever-I didn’t believe it.”
She didn’t know if she was supposed to believe him or not.
“Why, because I wasn’t there when the mercenaries came?”
She suddenly thought of Alex, and her voice came out softer than she originally intended.
“Yeah, that…and because of the way you were with him. You were one of the only people who wouldn’t take his bullshit, but were the first to console him when Locke fell.”
He took her silence as an invitation to keep talking.
“Hey, want to know something funny?”
She could do nothing but stare now.
“I almost left on that sub, too.”
Her mouth couldn’t help but open slightly in disbelief; with all the tension that had sprung up between her and James over this sub issue, it hadn’t occurred to either one of them that she wasn’t the only one thinking of leaving this odd group they had formed.
“Why didn’t you say anything, Miles?”
He smirked at her puzzlement and shrugged. He turned away from her and leant forward against the railing on his forearms and clasped his hands together in thought.
“Because this isn’t about me,” he murmured, and Juliet’s eyes softened. “You know, maybe this-our whole existence here in Dharmaland-maybe it doesn’t have to be about our pasts. If it was, from what you told me, you’d be the mole, Jin would be crushing skulls, and Sawyer would be the bad-tempered hick.”
She could tell from his smirk that he believed that the last statement was still partially true.
“Then what is this about exactly?”
“Right now?” He flashed her a smirk. “Mostly you two.”
Juliet simply stared. Maybe Miles had a point after all.
~
To be Continued..
Another little calm before the storm. There’s probably just a smidgen more Juliet and Miles camaraderie and Miles’ mama-drama to come. Don’t worry folks- the James/Juliet confrontation is almost here.
Reviews are love!
Rating: PG
Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long to get another chapter up; I’ve been moving and just started college and a little bout of writer’s block came back to me. I basically had the whole story written out in June or July and now I’m just trying to find which parts to refine or take out or just run with. I hate that I get all self-conscious with my submissions, so I’ll try my best to finish it this month. Thanks for all the reviews and support. For some reason fanfiction.net isn't recognizing this file so I thought i'd upload it here first. Enjoy!
~
Chapter 5: By Any Other Name
Juliet hadn’t realized she had backed into the hallway until she felt her shoulders collide with the white plastered wall. She blinked and became aware of the fact that she had been staring wide-eyed at her shut bedroom door; she exhaled and also realized she had been barely breathing.
She knew she had been called a number of different things in her life, considerably on opposite ends of the spectrum. To be entirely fair, she had been a number of different things-significantly more than she liked to admit, even (especially) to herself.
Three years on this island had taught her it’s better to appear adapted, to appear tough-as if pretending for so long, denying for so long, will gradually turn the pretense into a twisted truth that any passersby would readily believe. To be honest, this wasn’t the first time a man called her by another name (thank you, Edmund), but this was the first time this unknown feeling rooted itself within her.
Whatever emotion this was, she could’ve sworn it felt a little like defeat.
The floorboard creaked and Juliet felt herself flinch, her reverie broken. As if on an old instinct, her mind had her body recoiling as if she’d been burnt (as if she refused to recognize that in a way she had been).
Miles had been rummaging through the refrigerator when he heard the bedroom door shut. Haphazardly prompted to investigate, he was met with the image of Juliet staring in a forlorn trance, instinctively shifting her weight to her right leg, and sighing as she leant against the nearest white wall.
He took a wary step closer and his frown increased; the Juliet he knew was never startled. He softened his approach and his casual tone masked his curiosity.
“Where are you hobbling off to now?”
Although it took a moment for her to compose herself, by the time Juliet’s gaze met his, the warmth that had been penetrating through her steely norm during their few weeks together seemed to disappear, only to be replaced by something stoic, something shielding, something like a façade.
“Are you on patrol now, Miles?” Her voice was as even as his, the coolness of it as unnerving as ever.
“If I plead the 5th, will you tell me what’s going on?”
“Juliet?” As if on cue, Jin’s tentative voice was heard on the other side of the hall. “Everything okay?”
She shook her head slightly as she leant back against one of her palms, her fingers splayed out against the stucco as her other hand ran through her disheveled locks. The last thing she wanted to do was explain what had just happened, what was swimming through her head, what was eating her up inside.
“What he do?” Jin nodded towards Miles and before she could respond Miles’ was shaking his head in defiance.
“Why do you have to assume it was me, Grandpa?”
~
She found herself out on the porch, half sitting as her fingers gripped the white wooden railing, her gaze fixated towards the homes of the barracks. Even though the ideal peacefulness of it all was more stifling than anything, she wasn’t exactly grateful when Miles and Jin, as expected, followed her outside a few moments later. Since both stood unmoving underneath the wooden doorframe as she stared up at midnight sky, she sensed they were debating whether or not to approach her.
“Thought you’d be asleep by now,” Miles cleared his throat in her silence as he neared her side. Jin had his arms carefully folded, watching the pair from behind. “Any particular reason why you’re out here?”
Initially, her face remained blank and determinedly faced forward as a light breeze blew a few curls past her cheeks; he was unsure she had even heard him.
“Is this your way of asking me what’s wrong?”
Her voice was cold, and he suddenly felt self-conscious for caring and turned to leave her in charge of her own hell. “Hey, I’m just trying to see if I could help. If you’d rather get drunk and mangled again be my guest.”
He stopped as she put a hand to her forehead.
“Sawyer,” she breathed in a small voice, the name feeling unfamiliar on her tongue. “He said her nickname in his sleep.” She paused, leant her head against the porch frame, and felt rather foolish. “He thought I was her.” Miles then opened his mouth in slight confusion, only to promptly close it as she continued to speak. There was this raw vulnerability in her voice he was sure only a rare few had witnessed. “I don’t know what I’m still doing here, Miles…I feel like if I give in and stay it’ll always be about her.”
Her brow seemed to furrow in a vinegary, vindicating mix of self-deprecation, wry amusement, and sorrow, and Miles was left to ponder just how broken a person could get. “Who?”
For the first time she seemed to directly regard him; she tilted her chin and her blue eyes connected with his as the name came almost unwillingly out.
“Kate.” Jin’s eyes suddenly flicked to her in curiosity.
“Kate…the buff, daddy-killing brunette?” She gave him a look.
“What? I’m just clarifying.” She seemed to smile a little to herself as she stared at the grass, and he took it as a good sign. “You know,” he nodded once for emphasis after a few moments as he leant against the railing, facing her, “When you told me you were an Other or whatever-I didn’t believe it.”
She didn’t know if she was supposed to believe him or not.
“Why, because I wasn’t there when the mercenaries came?”
She suddenly thought of Alex, and her voice came out softer than she originally intended.
“Yeah, that…and because of the way you were with him. You were one of the only people who wouldn’t take his bullshit, but were the first to console him when Locke fell.”
He took her silence as an invitation to keep talking.
“Hey, want to know something funny?”
She could do nothing but stare now.
“I almost left on that sub, too.”
Her mouth couldn’t help but open slightly in disbelief; with all the tension that had sprung up between her and James over this sub issue, it hadn’t occurred to either one of them that she wasn’t the only one thinking of leaving this odd group they had formed.
“Why didn’t you say anything, Miles?”
He smirked at her puzzlement and shrugged. He turned away from her and leant forward against the railing on his forearms and clasped his hands together in thought.
“Because this isn’t about me,” he murmured, and Juliet’s eyes softened. “You know, maybe this-our whole existence here in Dharmaland-maybe it doesn’t have to be about our pasts. If it was, from what you told me, you’d be the mole, Jin would be crushing skulls, and Sawyer would be the bad-tempered hick.”
She could tell from his smirk that he believed that the last statement was still partially true.
“Then what is this about exactly?”
“Right now?” He flashed her a smirk. “Mostly you two.”
Juliet simply stared. Maybe Miles had a point after all.
~
To be Continued..
Another little calm before the storm. There’s probably just a smidgen more Juliet and Miles camaraderie and Miles’ mama-drama to come. Don’t worry folks- the James/Juliet confrontation is almost here.
Reviews are love!