It's Just Not Enough, UruhaxAoi, [ONESHOT]
Title: It's Just Not Enough
Author: losseflame
Chapters: ONESHOT
Genre: Romance, Drama
Warnings: Language...but who cares?
Rating: PG-15
Pairings/Characters: UruhaxAoi
Synopsis: Because if they weren't fighting, they were fucking, and Aoi can't handle only being Uruha's bitch.
Comments: This was written in 5 minutes a week or two back, so I didn’t put much into it. Basically, to lure my muse back, I yanked this out of the depth of my computer, edited it, and sent it to 1337_lurker . Forgive it’s roughness and unfinished ideas, but, like I said, a five minute doodle I did for 1337_lurker , who asked why Aoi and Uru broke up in ‘Burnt Promises’ . Think of it as a prequel of sorts. While reading this, assume that ‘Guren’ was written for Aoi who had a girlfriend who aborted his child. I think you might want to actually read the thing now, don’t you? I’ll shut up.
***
Aoi isn't exactly sure how this round started. It might have been with Aoi being too friendly with a fan, it might have Uruha not hanging up his jacket, or it might have been that they were disagreeing on whether to drain the damn dishwater because it had gotten too dirty.
Aoi's screaming and Uruha's yelling and the neighbours are probably getting worried, wondering if they should call the police. Aoi's not even sure what they’re yelling about now, this fight just blended into the past ones.
It hurts to know that it wasn't anyone’s fault in this. Aoi wanted to blame someone, but he couldn't, not really. It was just life, pulling them apart, taking them two separate ways and changing them, and by the time they're together again, they're looking at strangers. Aoi flings another insult at Uruha, and Uruha makes a stinging comment on Aoi's aborted child- something about how it was better, having the bastard die before it could grow into it's father.
And Aoi freezes and pain wells up, because Uruha knows that Aoi's still mourning, still dying a little bit, still missing the tiny grouping of cells that he never had a chance to meet. Tears- even though he doesn't want to give Uruha the satisfaction of seeing them- well up and Uruha freezes and goes silent at the sight of them, the full scope of what he just said sinking in.
"Aoi..."
Aoi turns around, heading towards the bedroom.
"Fuck you." And then they're at it again, fighting and using everything that they know- everything that they shared with the other- against each other, forming the secrets they shared into comments make to break, to hurt. And Aoi likes it better this way, because isn't it better to be doing this, to be hurting, then to be feeling nothing and sitting in a silence filled with some kind of pulsing, quiet animosity? Because if they weren't fighting, they were fucking, and Aoi can't handle only being Uruha's bitch, something he comes home to at night to get rid of stress.
Aoi's opening a bag on their bed, yanking open drawers, and now Uruha's yelling at him to stay, and Aoi's yelling back- something about not wanting to stay with a self-righteous asshole- while flinging his clothes into a bag. Aoi's back is turned and he isn't listening and Uruha grabs his wrist and yanks him, hard, to get Aoi to face him. Aoi stares resentfully, and whispers something, and Uruha reels back his hand and Aoi's eyes widen.
Uruha's hand stops inches from Aoi's face, and Uruha's staring at it in horror as Aoi just keeps looking at Uruha, something like betrayal in his eyes. They had never gotten physical in a fight. It was like an unwritten rule. They would not- could not- hurt each other without hurting themselves in a way that was so much worse. Uruha's eyes are wide now, they look at each other, and Uruha breaks his gaze first, unable to look at Aoi because, dammit, he almost hurt him. Uruha turns and leaves the room, hands shaking.
Aoi picks up his bag and walks out the front door, trying to convince himself he doesn't want to go back.
.:.:.:.
"I'm not going back." Uruha looks up and glances at Aoi as he says that. Nods, accepting, not fighting. For once, not fighting.
"I think that's a good idea." It a soft blow, and Aoi accepts that, too. He sits next to Uruha, lighting up a cigarette, trying to ignore the urge to take back his words. There’s so much they should be talking about now, who gets what, how to keep the press from forming, how to act like nothing changed onstage. But they don't. They sit in silence that is neither comfortable or awkward, just a space lacking words. Now that there's no reason to fight, of course they'd be lacking words.
"I love you." Aoi finds it funny that Uruha would decide to fill the space with that, when all evidence points to the contrary. But Aoi knows it's true and knows that although he may feel the same way, it wouldn't change anything. Couldn't change anything, not really.
"I know." Aoi wonders if he should finish his thought, if it would hurt terribly much if he did. "But sometimes love isn't enough, is it?"
Uruha nods, sadly.
Aoi gets up and leaves.
***
A/N: Ehhh, the ending bugs me. Such a bad last line. Whatever. Sorry to all the darlings waiting patently for "Well, This Sucks: Life According to Ruki" chap. 4. I’m annoyed with myself, too. Comments could help bait my muse into returning to me. :D