Set Condition One, [ONESHOT] Miyavi/Kai, Miyavi/Melody
Title: Set Condition One
Author: losseflame
Chapters: ONESHOT
Genre: Romance, Drama, crack, humor
Warnings: Language, sexual implications
Rating: PG-15
Pairings/Characters: Miyavi/Melody, Miyavi/Kai, Melody/Miyavi/Kai (yeah, you read that right.)
Synopsis: he didn't expecte to end up with a gay breakup and a straight wedding.
Comments: I swear this is like my OT3 and no one writes it ever. So I took matters into my own hands.
***
It’s not all that surprising, except it is, and Kai should stop being shocked when shit like this happen, only he doesn’t because he isn’t fucking insane.
Because there is Miyavi and Melody, and even though there used to be Miyavi there isn’t anymore and Kai was just starting to get over that and move on with his life because even though he will always love Miyavi and probably compare everybody he has sex with to someone bony and tall and demanding Kai can’t just let himself spiral into a downwards sinkhole of despair.
Besides, he’s the one who fucking introduced Melody to Miyavi, because best friends meet best friends’ boyfriends. Not that he expected to end with a gay breakup and a straight wedding, but still.
Except now apparently there Miyavi and Melody plus Kai waking up in bed with them, naked, a growing sense of horror and nausea and an impending sense of doom slowing forming inside the hollow of Kai’s chest.
It’s not like Kai hasn’t wanted, but - but fuck, there was alcohol and a joint and he’s perfectly okay with sneaking outside of the apartment and joining Miyavi and Melody in a game of ‘let’s pretend this never happened’.
He starts to move slowly, already scanning the bedroom floor for his clothes as his body brushes naked thighs and stomachs. Really, being in the middle is probably the worst way to fall asleep after an accidental threeway you only guiltily imagined when you were either drunk or very, very sad.
Kai is almost off the bed after crawling over a sleeping Melody and ignoring the smell of her skin when there’s a sudden cry of, “HE’S ATTEMPING ESCAPE! CODE RAINBOW, SET CONDITION ONE!”.
And then Miyavi leaps across the (huge-ass) bed in all of his naked glory, smashing into Kai’s back and squishing Kai’s face into Melody’s tits as they tumble into a dogpile on top of her.
Kai would like to be screaming profanity and questions, but all he can manage is a muffled ‘mmph!’ on account of the tit- suffocation and horror at his stupid fucking situation.
And Kai would really like to say that he’s surprised at this turn of events, except Melody would just hold his hand all delicately and significantly every time he visited her and then hold Miyavi’s hand in the same way and just fucking look at Kai when events allowed.
He sort of saw this coming in an awkward, denial-filled sort of way, because he used to be an optimist and then his best friend/childhood sweetheart shacked up with his boyfriend and managed to keep Kai on a leash anyway. So he thought it best not to hope for too much.
Now there’s this, and Kai doesn’t even know where to start with this. Because goddamn.
Melody wakes up and smiles, circling her arms around Kai’s shoulders. Kai holds his breath and waits for the realization that Kai is not Miyavi and the dawning that last night was a shitty idea.
Instead Melody looks at him and calmly asks if he’d like waffles for breakfast.
Being married to Miyavi apparently destroys your sanity or something.
“MELEL-CHAN! KAI IS ATTEMPTING ESCAPE! SEAL THE EXITS AND PREPARE CONFESSTION-OF-POLYGAMOUS-LOVE SPEECH!”
Yeah, Kai can see that happening.
But Miyavi’s words had made something in Kai’s chest feel warm and unnecessarily fuzzy and Kai feels his escapist instincts diminishing fast.
“I think he gets it, babe.” Melody smiles at Kai again before arching an eyebrow. “So…”
She leaves the silence open for him to respond.
“Sure, I mean, yeah, I mean, I -”
Melody cuts him off with a kiss and Miyavi bites Kai’s shoulder and Kai spends the next couple hours discovering that his best friend is a major dominatrix.
***
A/N: Not as angsty as you thought it would be, was it? 8D