Life cycle

[lorrainemt]

Comments

[tracyworld]

Lorraine, I'm so sorry for your parents' decline yet greatly admire your perspective on the situation. I'm glad you could be there with your father and bridge that divide. I wish I could be there with you, pushing my hand down into the warm compost.

[lorrainemt]

Oh Tracy, I knew you'd be a kindred composting spirit! And speaking of spirits, I often think of you when I see unusual birds. We must have a baby hawk close by--I can hear it, but haven't seen it. I'm sure if you were around, you'd know where to look and how to identify it. In the mean time, I'm enjoying its sweet call across our greenspace.

[patty1943]

Sounds like a really tough time. When you said he was not a good parent, and he shouts in Hungarian, I immediately think of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Was he in WWII as a soldier or a refugee? Or the Hungarian Revolution that failed? A lot of old vets and other traumatized people revisit the trauma in dementia. It can be very trying. Saying all is well is a great thing to do...
My dad was a surgeon in WWII and was pretty grumpy and distant. There are several books by daughters of WWII vets, talking about the damage war does to relationships even long after the war. My husband has PTSD and it can be difficult.
This may be totally off topic, and if so, I apologize.

[lorrainemt]

Thank you so much for your thoughts about PTSD and sharing your own experience with your dad and husband. It must be hard for everyone to deal with the aftermath of such an intense experience, and I imagine it's a life long journey to process it all. Even though my dad did live through WWII and the communist takeover, there were other factors that made him a difficult parent. But I appreciate your perspective, and I'm so glad you stopped by.

[patty1943]

I don't want to push my idea too much but interpersonal violence, alcoholism, drug abuse, sex addiction, perfectionism, and a whole bunch of other unpleasant stuff can come from "efforts to avoid thoughts or feelings associated with the trauma," and people with PTSD can be numb to others feelings and try to make em perfect so they can't be hurt (magical thinking.)
I'll be thinking of you. All the best.

[robinellen]

Nothing is lost, really...

Amen. This is so true -- what a lovely and wise analogy. Still, it's not easy caring for your parents as they get ready for the next adventure. (((HUGS))) and prayers to you, Lorraine!

[lorrainemt]

Thank you, Robin. I appreciate the way you share with us your relationship with your MIL. It's always such an opportunity to learn about ourselves as we navigate difficult relationships, and your willingness to find ways to make it workable for everyone is inspiring.

[amygreenfield]

What a lovely person you are, Lorraine, and what a moving post this is. Thank you for helping to keep us all grounded. I wish I could be in Oregon today to give you a hug and help dig that compost in.

[lorrainemt]

Amy, the thought of you helping dig the compost makes me happy! And then after digging, we could have tea and talk about compost and life and writing. One of these days we will, I'm sure. And I felt your hug and am sending one back.

[amygreenfield]

It makes me happy, too, Lorraine. And "tea and talk about compost and life and writing" sounds pretty much perfect. Keeping you in my thoughts and heart.

[boreal_owl]

Beautiful and sad post. It's very hard to accept that our aging parents have turned into children. You've done so with grace.

[lorrainemt]

Thanks, Barb. It's humbling to see it happen to our parents and even more humbling to know that we are all headed that way. I'm already joking with my kids about how they'll be holding my hand in the not too distant future. :)