He thinks Gaspard will still want me. I think about that for awhile. Is it possible Gaspard still loves me and wants me? But even if he does, can I forgive him for what he said and has done? Are we truly meant to be?
I hold onto Raphael as if he is my life preserver - in a way I believe he is. He sounds like he would take me away if he knew of some place, and he would even stay. I'm so confused.
"Why would he come looking for just me? Me at all - after what he said? It would be a matter of pride for him wouldn't it? Not one of the heart. I don't think I could - it's too hard. He loves my father - I can't... I won't compete with that. It's not what I want."
Placing a kiss on Raphael's chest I whisper, "You know what I want and need - you understand me."
After a few moments of thought I know what we must do. "My brother. Valentin hates Gaspard and will be more than happy to protect me from him. It's our only hope."
I remember Valentin and he worries me. He may protect Paul but what about me, will he accept me as well? I am of Gaspard's family. I am afraid he views us all the same. But at least Paul would be safe. "That is where you should go then. It is important you are safe."
I sit up alarmed and look at him, "Y - you won't go with me? I thought... I mean - you don't...."
Biting my lip I feel the tears sting my eyes. I thought he wanted to be with me - oh I'm such a fool! More lies, of course! He IS Gaspard's family. Why do I fall for such lies?!
Rushing off the bed I fall to my knees in front of the fire place. Wrapping my arms around myself I tell myself what I've always known. "No one will ever truly love me - worthless, worthless..."
Oh no! I rush after him and kneel down in front of him taking his face in my hands making him look at me. I speak quite firmly and with conviction. "You are not worthless. Please Paul do not ever think that. I want to stay with you."
I soften my voice. "I do not want to leave you. But Valentin... he may not want me there." I shift my hands down on to his arms tugging them gently away from himself taking his hands in mine. "It is more important to me that you are safe."
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I hold onto Raphael as if he is my life preserver - in a way I believe he is. He sounds like he would take me away if he knew of some place, and he would even stay. I'm so confused.
"Why would he come looking for just me? Me at all - after what he said? It would be a matter of pride for him wouldn't it? Not one of the heart. I don't think I could - it's too hard. He loves my father - I can't... I won't compete with that. It's not what I want."
Placing a kiss on Raphael's chest I whisper, "You know what I want and need - you understand me."
After a few moments of thought I know what we must do. "My brother. Valentin hates Gaspard and will be more than happy to protect me from him. It's our only hope."
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Biting my lip I feel the tears sting my eyes. I thought he wanted to be with me - oh I'm such a fool! More lies, of course! He IS Gaspard's family. Why do I fall for such lies?!
Rushing off the bed I fall to my knees in front of the fire place. Wrapping my arms around myself I tell myself what I've always known. "No one will ever truly love me - worthless, worthless..."
Reply
I soften my voice. "I do not want to leave you. But Valentin... he may not want me there." I shift my hands down on to his arms tugging them gently away from himself taking his hands in mine. "It is more important to me that you are safe."
Reply
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