Memories are What We are Made of *Don, Robin; PG-13/K*

[loozy]

Title: Memories are What We are Made of *Team Schmoop: How*
Universe: Odyseey
Author: loozy
Pairing/Characters: Robin- pov, Billy Cooper, Paul *OC*, Helen *OC*, mention of others; Don/ Robin, Billy/Paul
Rating/Category: PG-13/K with hints of slash, though nothing graphic
Spoilers: set in the future of Odyssey
Summary: Today, Robin Brooks is going to

Comments

[loozy]

Thank you very much :)

[jelsemium]

Interesting technique with the flashbacks. I like how you portray the relationship between Don and Robin. The elevator game was amusing, too.

I do have a few technical complaints. Sorry, but you hit one of my pet peeves with: "Her and Don have yet to patch..." It should be "She and Don have yet to patch..." (There's a test for which pronoun to use: Take the other person out. Would you say "Her has yet to patch..." ?)

My other complaints are about this sentence fragment:
"she was born six weeks early, but both her and Don have always put that down to her being the results of them both."

This was jarring because you have "her and Don" when you should have "she and Don". You have "both" in the sentence twice. (You don't need to use "both" with "she and Don".) And the sentence doesn't seem to be finished. ("results of them both"... what?)

Otherwise, good job!

[loozy]

Thanks a mill for pointing those out :)