(no subject)
I don't do episode reactions, I do codas.
The Girl You Would've Married
Dean/Jo-ish, Dean/Sam-ish, second person, 450 words.
In another life, she would've lived down the street--braided pigtails and overalls, missing teeth from scuffles with the older boys, scraped knees. A story out of a teen movie. She always would've followed you around, her and Sam, and you wouldn't have ever noticed her until someday long after puberty, after you'd fucked a thousand other girls, she'd suddenly stand out. Maybe like in the movies, she would've come down the stairs, dressed up for a dance, beautiful gown and hair styled to all hell, and you'd suddenly realize--but no.
Better if she kept on wearing jeans and leather jackets, smelling like dirt, hair in loose ponytails.
Better if you just looked up one day and knew.
*
It's a fairy tale somewhere: boy meets girl, girl saves herself, happily ever after.
But you've always tended to the more traditional fairy tales. The one where the girl dissolves, or gets ripped to shreds, and you don't love her enough to bring her back.
*
You thought about her sometimes. Not like--not like you thought about most girls, hand under the blankets, in the shower, whenever Sam wasn't around. But real thinking, wondering how she was doing, wondering what she'd say if you called.
You should have. You're going to look back when you're old--if you're old--and have regrets about her.
You're going to wonder if there's something more broken in you than you realized. If you missed your only chance.
*
Some kids, they never have any love in their lives. They grow up in families where their parents fight all the time, cheating and divorce and hearings.
You wonder if maybe you had too much love, if you have inescapably high standards. If there is no one you will ever love as much as your brother because you don't know how.
*
You could have loved her.
You want to have loved her.
But deep down, you know how you are when you really love a person.
*
In another world, you have three kids, two girls and a boy, and you have Sam over ever Sunday for dinner. Maybe he's married too--to Jess, or to Madison, or to a girl you never got the chance to meet--and your kids all play together.
Maybe your mom and dad are alive too.
As long as you're dreaming.
*
In this world, you wake up, and Sam is in the next bed, and that's what matters to you.
Other things matter too, but never as much.
In this world, Death is out there, and Lucifer is not dead, and there is an earth to be saved. In this world, you have to get out of bed and move.
Somewhere far away, you are happy.
Here, you are waking up, and you are driving.
The Girl You Would've Married
Dean/Jo-ish, Dean/Sam-ish, second person, 450 words.
In another life, she would've lived down the street--braided pigtails and overalls, missing teeth from scuffles with the older boys, scraped knees. A story out of a teen movie. She always would've followed you around, her and Sam, and you wouldn't have ever noticed her until someday long after puberty, after you'd fucked a thousand other girls, she'd suddenly stand out. Maybe like in the movies, she would've come down the stairs, dressed up for a dance, beautiful gown and hair styled to all hell, and you'd suddenly realize--but no.
Better if she kept on wearing jeans and leather jackets, smelling like dirt, hair in loose ponytails.
Better if you just looked up one day and knew.
*
It's a fairy tale somewhere: boy meets girl, girl saves herself, happily ever after.
But you've always tended to the more traditional fairy tales. The one where the girl dissolves, or gets ripped to shreds, and you don't love her enough to bring her back.
*
You thought about her sometimes. Not like--not like you thought about most girls, hand under the blankets, in the shower, whenever Sam wasn't around. But real thinking, wondering how she was doing, wondering what she'd say if you called.
You should have. You're going to look back when you're old--if you're old--and have regrets about her.
You're going to wonder if there's something more broken in you than you realized. If you missed your only chance.
*
Some kids, they never have any love in their lives. They grow up in families where their parents fight all the time, cheating and divorce and hearings.
You wonder if maybe you had too much love, if you have inescapably high standards. If there is no one you will ever love as much as your brother because you don't know how.
*
You could have loved her.
You want to have loved her.
But deep down, you know how you are when you really love a person.
*
In another world, you have three kids, two girls and a boy, and you have Sam over ever Sunday for dinner. Maybe he's married too--to Jess, or to Madison, or to a girl you never got the chance to meet--and your kids all play together.
Maybe your mom and dad are alive too.
As long as you're dreaming.
*
In this world, you wake up, and Sam is in the next bed, and that's what matters to you.
Other things matter too, but never as much.
In this world, Death is out there, and Lucifer is not dead, and there is an earth to be saved. In this world, you have to get out of bed and move.
Somewhere far away, you are happy.
Here, you are waking up, and you are driving.