(no subject)
Title: Things Change, My Dear.
Author: chash
Fandom: Supernatural RPS
Pairing: Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles
Rating: NC-17.
Warnings: Kidfic. Am I the only one who likes to be warned about kids? Don't answer that.
Word Count: 7200.
Summary: It's July 2005, and Jensen Ackles is meeting the man of his dreams at the bus stop.
Notes: No part of this is the fic I was planning to write. I guess that's okay, though. Title and cut text from Tori Amos.
Disclaimer: Lies and untruths.
Jensen was running late, because parents were really stupid about their kids, Jesus Christ. He was worried he was going to actually hit Mrs. Norman if she didn't stop insisting that there had to be more wrong with her son. He was recovering normally--Jensen thought that was a good thing, not a sign he secretly had cancer.
He was supposed to be meeting up with a couple of his friends from school who were coming in to town, and he really, really wanted to make his bus. Because he hated being the loser who went to a bar dressed in work clothes.
So he wasn't paying attention at all, just booking it for the bus stop when he got pretty much completely taken out by some giant guy.
"Oh, god, I'm really sorry, I wasn't paying attention..." said the guy immediately, starting to pick up papers. Jensen dragged himself to a sitting position, gingerly probing his head to see if he'd actually done it any damage. Probably not, he decided. Just his pride.
The guy found the last of his papers and stood up. And then up some more--Jensen's surprised he didn't actually get steamrolled. Jesus.
"Sorry," the guy said again, smiling down at him through messy bangs. He had moles, and uneven teeth, and somehow he was the most adorable thing Jensen had ever seen. Probably a student, he decided absently--maybe a Harvard kid. And really, really cute.
"It's okay," Jensen managed, even though he was feeling kind of dizzy and hazy. The guy offered him a hand, and Jensen took it, suddenly presented with the reality that he was, in addition to being really cute, was really strong, and broad, and hopefully single. "Happens," he continued.
The guy gave another nervous smile, shy and small. "If you're not too pissed, maybe you can help me out?"
"Maybe," Jensen said, trying not to do anything embarrassing, like drool or jump him. "What do you need?"
"The 86 bus," said the guy. "I'm a little lost."
Jensen grinned. "That's where I'm headed anyway. Just, uh--hurry."
Jensen's watch told him they actually had to run so further conversation was pretty much out, and the bus was too packed for them to even stand together.
Jensen bit down on a sharp stab of disappointment, concentrating instead on how good it would be to see Pete and Lyle, putting the big kid with the big hands out of his mind. He was probably straight anyway.
*
The next day, the guy was at the bus stop before Jensen got there.
"Hey!" he said, grinning as Jensen came up. "Didn't get a chance to thank you yesterday. Probably would've wandered the neighborhood for hours if I didn't run into you." His smile turned sheepish again. "Literally. Did I mention I was sorry?"
Jensen couldn't help laughing. "Yeah, you did. No big, man. I didn't think you were out to get me."
"Definitely not. I'm Jared, by the way. Jared Padalecki."
"Jensen Ackles."
"Where do you live, anyway?" Jared asked. "You got off a stop before me last night." He flushed a little. "Not that I was stalking you, or anything. Just curious."
Jensen filed that one away. Because--hey, Jared cared. "Brighton center."
Jared nodded. "Okay, I definitely know where that is. Kind of, anyway. I'm still getting the hang of it."
"When'd you move in?" he asked. He wasn't the best at small talk, but if Jared was putting in the effort to talk to him, he was going to put some effort in back. Hopefully Jared wouldn't mind the awkward.
Jared stretched, and Jensen couldn't help taking in the powerful lines of his body. Kid was built. "Last week. Really, really new in town."
"Where from?"
"California. LA."
Jensen had to snort. "You're gonna die come winter, man."
Jared laughed. He had a laugh Jensen had to think of as boisterous, which was one of those words he'd learned for the SATs and never thought he'd need in the real world. "Don't tell me you're one of those New Englanders who wears sandals in the snow," he grinned. "I've heard stories."
"Nah. Southern boy. But I kind of like it now. Not enough for sandals, but, you know."
"Southern, huh? Whereabouts?" asked Jared as the bus pulled up. Jensen couldn't help grinning--front of the line, and he was totally going to get to talk to Jared the whole way home. Well, if everything went well.
"Richardson," he said automatically. He realized that wasn't actually that helpful. "Uh, Texas. Near Dallas."
Jared grinned, taking an empty seat and gesturing for Jensen to sit next to him. "No, I know Richardson. I'm from San Antonio."
"Oh," said Jensen, not sure where to go with that. . He knew this was a natural conversation lag, and he wanted to come up with some fantastic icebreaker to keep them going, but he was having a little trouble. He wanted to know so much about Jared it was almost scary--why he'd been in LA, why he was in Boston now, where he worked, what he liked, if he was single, if he was into guys at all--and he didn't know where to start.
Jared's phone buzzed, saving him, and Jared picked it up and flipped it open, eyes lighting up as he laughed a little.
"What happened?" Jensen asked.
Jared shook his head, fingers flying over the tiny phone keypad as he replied. Jensen didn't know how Jared hit the right keys with hands his size. Hell, he wasn't sure how he didn't break the phone. "Just a text."
"Girlfriend?" asked Jensen, feeling like the least subtle guy on the planet.
Jared apparently noticed too, arching an eyebrow in amusement. But he didn't reply immediately, just smiled almost wistfully and looked down. "So I wasn't reading you wrong," he said, in a tone Jensen couldn't quite place.
"No," he admitted. "Uh--that a problem?"
"Definitely not," said Jared, his voice more sure. "I was really kind of hoping. But, uh--" he laughed a little. "The text. That was my daughter."
Jensen blinked. "You're kind of--"
"Young?"
"Yeah," Jensen admitted He'd put Jared at no more than twenty-five, figured him for, possibly, a student. If he had a daughter old enough to text him, he was a lot older than he looked. Or got married a lot younger.
Jared ducked his head, "I know. I, uh. It was stupid."
"You don't have to explain," Jensen said quickly.
"No, I don't mind," said Jared, waving his hand. "Trust me, I'm the first to admit when I'm being stupid." He took a break. "I was the dumbass who knocked up a girl on prom night."
Jensen stared, only realizing how bad that was after Jared noticed him doing it.
Jared didn't seem offended though, just laughed. "I know, I know. How cliche can you get? I was--well, I was actually going to Hollywood, trying to make it as an actor. Left right after graduation. I was there for three months before my ex called me and starting raving about pregnancy and how she was gonna fucking kick my ass."
Jensen swallowed. "Jesus."
Jared looked sheepish, as if he'd only just realized how much he'd said. "So, uh," he said, "yeah. I'd love to go out with you sometime, if you're interested. But--I've got some baggage."
Jensen blinked, because assuming all that was true, it was probably the most honesty he'd gotten from a guy in--a pretty long time.
"Dinner, maybe?" Jensen suggested, and Jared's face lit up.
"Yeah. I'd really like that."
*
The first time Jensen saw Jared on his TV was the night of their first date.
They'd been on the bus home together every day, so they'd already gotten through most of the standard smalltalk. Jared was starting college at MIT in the fall--"Better late than never, right?" he'd asked, flashing a grin--and had a job helping out in a lab for the summer, which was why he was here in the first place. He'd stayed in San Antonio for the first few years of his daughter's life, tried to go back to LA and make the acting thing work last year, but found that it wasn't for him like he thought it was.
Jensen had even admitted his own aborted dream of being an actor, something he usually didn't talk about. Something about Jared just made him feel--comfortable, maybe.
Maybe something a little less lame.
Either way, he'd known Jared had done a little acting, but he was totally unprepared to catch Jared in a rerun of--something.
It made for a good conversation starter, anyway. So when Jared arrived at the restaurant, tall and broad and really hot in a tight t-shirt and jeans, Jensen could say, with something approaching smoothness, "Were you in a teen girl show?"
Jared groaned. "Oh man, you saw that? How? When?"
"Totally by accident," said Jensen, grinning widely. "It was on when I turned on the TV earlier today."
"Gilmore Girls," said Jared, shaking his head. "I did the pilot, and then I had to go home before I even found out it got picked up. Sad story, man."
Jensen cracked his shit up. "You would've been a million girls' first boyfriend."
"I think I already was. Sometimes I get fanmail for it. It was, like, ten minutes. Tops."
Jensen shook his head. "You were dreamy, man."
"I still am," Jared shot back. "We getting a table, or are you just gonna make fun of me all night?"
Jensen mock-sighed. "If we must."
*
What it came down to, in the end, was that Jensen really liked Jared. Based on a week of train rides and part of a date, yes, but that didn't bother him nearly as much as it should have. He liked the guy enough he was already trying to plan more dates, trying to figure out how soon he could kiss him, just--wanting things, wanting a lot.
And he'd never had to take a child into account with this kind of thing before. He'd honestly thought he never would have to, which was maybe stupid. Being gay didn't mean kids were never going to be an issue. Besides, he was twenty-seven; it shouldn't have been an issue for a long time anyway.
"So, uh," Jensen started, halfway through his burger. "Is your daughter at home alone?"
"She's four," Jared said, smiling a little. "She's a little too young to babysit herself."
Jensen blinked. "She's just four?"
"How old did you think I was?"
"But she texted you."
"Not on her own," Jared clarified. "She dictates, my sister writes."
"Your sister?"
"She's nineteen, goes to BU. She's with Alex now. That's part of why we moved up here--I knew Meggie would help me out."
Jensen nodded. He had to admit, Jared's dedication was kind of--impressive. Balancing a child, an education, and a part-time job at twenty-two was pretty much Jensen's idea of hell.
"Tell me about her," he found himself saying.
"Meggie or Alex?"
"Alex."
Jared grinned, looked down at his plate, a graveyard of fries. "She's amazing. We were gonna put her up for adoption, that's what her mother wanted. But I took one look at her and I couldn't. I screwed up my whole life to keep her, you know?"
Jensen stared. "Hollywood would've eaten you alive, man," he said finally.
Jared laughed. "Shut up."
"So what does she like?"
"She's four. She likes ponies and Disney movies and ninjas."
"Ninjas?"
"We watched The Karate Kid. She got really into it."
"Really progressive of you."
"You're just jealous I got a kid who draws ninja ponies."
Jensen shook his head, laughing a little. When he looked back up, Jared was just looking at him, curious and happy.
"What?" asked Jensen.
"You still interested?" he asked. "In me, I mean."
Jensen swallowed, taken off guard by the question. He wondered, over the years, how many people had turned Jared down just because of his kid. He couldn't imagine a lot of other reasons to do it.
"Yeah," he said, more sure of that than he had been of a lot of other things in his life.
*
"So," said Jared, "can I walk you home?"
Jensen raised his eyebrows. "Walk me home?"
Jared laughed. "Do you stop doing that after high school? I'm pretty rusty at this, man. You're gonna need to give me pointers."
"You can walk me home," Jensen said, smiling. "It's this way."
Jared's shoulder knocked against his as they walked, close but not too close. Companionable, maybe.
"Do you want to catch a movie?" Jensen asked, kind of rushed. He'd been trying to figure out what to ask, what to say, and a movie seemed safe. And cheaper than getting another dinner; Jared can't be rolling in money, between college and the kid. "Sometime."
Jared grinned. "Yeah. But, uh, not for a few days? I feel bad making Meggie watch the kid too often. She wouldn't say anything, but--yeah."
"Whenever you're free," Jensen said with a shrug. "I get it, man."
Jared smiled. "Thanks. I, uh." He laughed a little. "For a while, I just didn't tell guys about the kid. Some girls dig it, you know? They think kids are adorable and think they're good with them, but guys always got kind of spooked."
Jensen shrugged, a little awkwardly. It wasn't like he wasn't spooked. But Alex was still kind of an abstract concept for him, something so unfamiliar he couldn't quite comprehend it. His brother had a son, but Logan was a baby, not a person yet at all. "I never really thought about it," he admitted.
"Me neither," Jared agreed.
"So why'd you tell me?"
"I had a couple guys I really liked, and they--I was kind of lying to them. Figure if it's gonna be a problem, I should get it out there before I get attached."
"Oh," said Jensen.
"So that's my whole honesty is the best policy thing right now," he said brightly. "Tell me if I get too TMI on you."
Jensen had to snort at that. "Too TMI? Did you really just say that?"
"Shut up," said Jared, laughing and blushing dully. "It's how the kids talk now."
"You know, you're remarkably out of touch for twenty-two."
"I'm with it," Jared said. He clucked his tongue. "I know Wednesday is kind of a weird date night, but Alex does swimming and Meggie has a crush on the teacher so she always takes her. Could you do that?"
"As long as it's kind of early," Jensen grinned. "I need my beauty sleep."
"Wouldn't want you going ugly on me," Jared agreed.
They spent the rest of the walk back to Jensen's figuring out what movie to see--Jared arguing for some terrible chick flick Jensen had never heard of, on the grounds that it was romantic, and Jensen arguing for Batman Begins on the grounds that they actually wanted to see it. Which ended up winning out.
"This is me," Jensen said, stopping in front of his door.
"If I say I had a really good time tonight, are you going to call me out on my sucky dating technique?"
"Yeah."
"I did anyway," said Jared, and leaned down to kiss Jensen before he could make fun at all.
It wasn't making out, not even close. No tongue, not even lingering, just a brush of lips, and then Jared grinned at him.
"So I'll see you on the bus on Monday?"
"Yeah," Jensen agreed. "See you Monday."
*
By the next Tuesday, they'd gone out three times. The movie was mostly the two of them being enraptured by explosions, and after Jared waved his arms around, describing his favorite parts. Jensen mostly just watched, fondness something nearly alive in his chest.
On Sunday, they went to the common and walked around. Jensen had sort of expected Alex to be there, because it seemed like such a kid-friendly date, but it was just the two of them, and Jared held his hand the whole time. He'd asked first, a little hesitant, and Jensen hadn't known quite what to make of it. He wondered if Jared would have been this kind of affectionate without a child in his life, or if he's just used to touching everyone.
So on Tuesday, Jensen was feeling good, thinking about asking Jared out for Thursday, hoping to get a kiss that lasted more than three seconds while he was at it. But then when he got to the bust stop, Jared was blushing dark red and wearing a pink cone hat that said "birthday princess" on it, so that kind of took priority.
Jensen raised his eyebrows.
"Alex bought it for me," Jared said, before he could say anything. "Or she and Meggie did, I guess. Meggie didn't tell her what it said other than 'birthday,' and Alex made me promise to wear it all day."
It was really, really adorable and Jensen suddenly couldn't help himself, leaned over and kissed Jared right there, quick and sure, because of course his daughter wouldn't know if he had the hat on all day, but he was doing it anyway.
Jared blinked, and Jensen just smiled. "It's your birthday?"
"Yeah," said Jared, looking down.
"You didn't tell me."
"Dude, we've had three dates and known each other for, what, two weeks? I didn't want you thinking you had to get me anything."
"Happy birthday anyway," Jensen said. "Big plans?"
"Me, my kid, and a Pixar marathon. And cake, duh."
For the first time, Jensen felt a jolt of want at the idea of family like that; he hadn't ever thought much about kids one way or the other, wasn't one of those people who thought he'd be completed by marriage and children. But the idea of cuddling next to Jared on a couch, a warm body between them--he didn't know he wanted that.
He swallowed. "Can I take you out on Thursday?" he asked. "Dinner and a movie?"
Jared smiled, but Jensen could already see the rejection in it. "Meggie's got a date on Thursday. Sorry."
"I could--" he stopped, wondering if this was the kind of thing he was allowed to say. "I could rent something," he said. "Kid friendly."
Jared stared at him for a long moment, and Jensen knew the answer was still no.
"It's--man, I'd like to, but. It's too soon, man. I just--it's not--"
"Hey," said Jensen, "you don't have to explain."
"You're always trying to let me off easy," said Jared, offering Jensen a seat and standing next to him.
"Your kid comes first," said Jensen. "I get it."
Jared looked like he wanted to say something else, but he didn't, finally. Just shook his head and repositioned, stood a little closer to Jensen, his legs brushing against Jensen's side as he sat.
*
Thursday at six, Jensen's phone rang loudly just as he got out of the shower.
"Hello?"
"Hey!" Jared said, sounding excited. "Meggie's date canceled on her last minute. Wanted to see if I could pick up some takeout and bring a movie over to your place. Unless you're busy now."
Jensen looked around his apartment; it was kind of dirty and smelly, and there were stains on his couch from the last time Isaac had stopped by and spilled beer all over it.
But Jared was offering to come over, and Jensen sure as hell wasn't going to say no to that. "Pizza," said Jensen. "Give me half an hour."
He could hear Jared's happiness practically radiating through the phone, even if all he said was, "See you soon."
*
Jared arrived thirty-five minutes later with a half-cheese, half-everything pizza.
"Figured I'd cover my bases," he explained with a grin, sticking the box down on the coffee table with a DVD of Michael Keaton's Batman. At Jensen's look, he just grinned. "Thought we could stick to the theme. And if you don't like it, you can show me whatever you want."
"I like it," Jensen said easily, watching Jared check out the apartment. It still wasn't clean, exactly, but it had downgraded from pigsty to lived in, which was about all he'd been hoping for. "Want a beer? Or soda, whatever." He had yet to see Jared drink, he assumed because of his kid. Although Jensen had trouble believing one beer would even affect the guy.
"Soda's good," said Jared easily, flopping down on Jensen's couch with a grin. "Thanks for letting me come over."
Jensen grabbed a plates and a couple cans of Coke, shaking his head. "Yeah, because hanging out with my boyfriend is such a hardship."
Immediately, he regretted the words. He wasn't really sure if Jared was his boyfriend; they hadn't really been dating that long, and Jensen sort of figured it was exclusive, but he didn't actually know. Jared didn't seem to have time to see someone else.
"I mean, uh," he said quickly, putting down the soda and refusing to look at Jared. "Whatever."
Jared tugged his arm, though, pulled him down onto the couch and kissed him, hot and wet and everything Jensen had been wanting--pretty much since he saw Jared, actually. He moaned, pressed closer, pushed Jared back against the cushions as they made out shamelessly.
Jensen only pulled back when he heard Jared's stomach growl, and Jared blushed.
"Skipped lunch," he explained.
Jensen straightened up, handed Jared a plate. "Eat up."
They ate most of the pizza between the two of them, talked through half the movie and kissed through the other half, greasy and perfect, and it was almost physically painful to let Jared go at the end of the night.
"See you tomorrow," Jared murmured as they made out at the door.
"Mmm," said Jensen, way more interested in sucking on Jared's tongue.
Jared groaned as he pulled away. "Seriously, I gotta go."
Jensen let go reluctantly, wondering how Alex felt about sleepovers. Or how Jared felt about them.
"Bye," he said, smiling a little, and Jared pecked him one last time and was out the door.
Apparently, Jensen had a boyfriend.
*
Saturday morning, kind of ungodly early, his phone rang. The caller ID said Jared, though, so he couldn't really mind that much.
"Hey!" he said, trying to sound upbeat and fun, like a good boyfriend, not a zombie.
"Are you Jensen?" asked a girl's voice, kind of irritably.
For a minute, he thought that maybe Jared had been lying to him this whole time, did not have a daughter, and just had a jealous girlfriend.
"Yes?" he tried.
"This is Megan Padalecki," said the girl. "I need to talk to you."
Jensen sat up, scrubbing the sleep out of his eyes immediately. "Is Jared okay? Did something happen?"
There was a pause. "No, he's fine. Look, just--do you like him?"
Okay, so this was a call about his intentions. Jared would have a madly overprotective sister. It just figured.
Of course, it wasn't actually a hard question. "Yeah," he said. "I really like him."
"And you like Alex."
"I haven't met Alex," Jensen pointed out.
"But you don't--you get it, right?"
Jensen's head hurt a little. "Get what?"
"She's not, like, a puppy or a theoretical concept. She's a kid. She's kind of shy around strangers and she likes to draw and she's never even met her mom. She calls my mom that because that's what Jared always calls her."
Jensen didn't know quite what to say to that. Because--he thought he got it. But he'd never done this before. "I've never done this before," he admitted. "But, uh. I really like your brother a lot."
"Just--think about it," Megan said. "He's not going to want to introduce you for a long time, because--he ends up getting hurt, one way or another."
"How often has this happened?" asked Jensen, pissed at everyone who hurt Jared, not just for hurting him, but for having the opportunity to do so in the first place.
"Not that often," Megan admitted. "But it sticks with you. Don't be that guy, Jensen."
Jensen was just quiet at the phone for a long time, because--he didn't know how to be this kind of responsible. He couldn't promise anything.
"Anyway," she said, sounding weirdly chipper, "my dork brother wants to see you again Monday night. Expect a call!"
Jensen just kind of stared at his cell after she hung up.
There had been a lot of things he'd been idly worried about in his relationship with Jared, but suddenly death by college girl was at the top of his list.
*
July rolled into August and Jensen was really, really hoping to hit third base sometime this month.
"You haven't even gotten him naked yet?" asked Isaac. "Fucking weak, man."
"It's been a month," said Jensen. "That's not that long."
"But you're crazy about the guy," Isaac pointed out. "Everything I hear is Jared, Jared, Jared."
"Yeah, I am," Jensen agreed, thunking his head down on the table. "God."
The thing was, if Jensen had his way, he probably would have gone out with Jared every night. He would have invited him over for dinner--did, more often than not--watched all the bad TV shows Jared liked, whatever. As it was, he at least saw him five days a week, held his hand on the bus, and got a few dates out of it. Granted, he'd never been so close to his right hand before, but Jared was worth it.
"You're pathetic, man."
"Remember Kelly Patrick senior year?" asked Jensen. "With the promise ring? You never got her naked and you were totally whipped."
"Fuck, don't talk about her. God, she was hot."
Jensen snickered.
"You gonna introduce me to him sometime soon, by the way? I'm getting curious."
Jensen sighed, leaning back. "Trust me, I want to. Just every time I get him, I'm not really thinking about sharing."
Isaac snorted. "Horn dog."
"Like you can talk."
"Whatever. How about this--me and Maggie are doing a barbecue next week. Kind of last minute, celebrate the end of summer kind of thing. Ask him to come."
Jensen took a swig of beer.
"Tell him it's kid friendly, hell. I don't care who he brings."
Jensen sighed. "Yeah, I'll mention it."
Isaac cocked his head, then just took a big bite of burger. "You're screwed, man."
"Yeah."
*
"So, uh," said Jensen. Jared was curled into him on the couch; they had until Alex's swimming class was over, and Jared was showing him this Office show. Jensen was trying to pay attention, but a lot more of his energy was going into the cuddling. "My best friend Isaac."
"Hm?" asked Jared, looking up. Jensen did not kiss him, because they needed to talk, not make out.
"He really wants to meet you." Jensen flushed a little. "Apparently I talk about you all the time."
Jared grinned. "Yeah?"
"Anyway. It's Saturday, and he said--you were welcome."
Jared clucked his tongue. "I dunno, I don't wanna make Meggie--"
"They could come," Jensen said, too quickly. "He said it was kid-friendly."
Jared was quiet for a while, and Jensen took a deep breath, threaded his fingers in Jared's.
"I really like you," he said quietly. "And, uh. I'd kind of like this to--" He laughed. "I dunno. Go somewhere? Keep going?"
"Me too," said Jared, just as quietly.
"So," Jensen squeezed Jared's hand, "I want to meet your family. I don't care if it's at a barbecue or whatever. I just want it to be somewhere."
It was quiet again for a while, the TV still talking in the background, but Jensen had no idea what was happening. Pretty much all he was sure about was Jared's warmth against his side, Jared's hand in his, Jared's refusal to meet his eyes.
If he lost this, he was going to be fucking heartbroken.
Jared got up, but didn't let go of his hand, so that seemed--maybe good.
"Come on," said Jared.
"What?"
Jared let out a long breath. "Let's go watch this at my place. And, uh, you can meet them when they get back."
"Jared, man, I didn't mean--"
Jared kissed him, strong hands balled into Jensen's shirt. "I really like you too," he said simply. "And you're right. But I don't want you to meet her for the first time at a barbecue. So, yeah. Wanna come over?"
It was a little sooner than he'd expected.
"Sure," he managed.
*
"You're so nervous," said Jared, after about the third time Jensen nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of a car passing outside. He sounded kind of amused and fond.
"Shut up," Jensen muttered. "I can't remember the last time I talked to a kid. Probably when Mac was one."
"They're just little people," Jared said pragmatically. "And, uh, honestly, she's probably not gonna say anything to you today and just hide behind Meggie."
"Seriously?"
"Sorry, man. She's not great around strangers."
"So what do I do?"
"Breathe, for one." Jared smiled, squeezed his hand. "Don't stress it if you guys aren't BFF or whatever. Say hi, talk to me and Meggie, but try to include her. Don't swear. Just be yourself, man."
"Right," said Jensen, resisting the urge to ask for a piece of paper for notes. It was like his physical therapy finals all over again. Except there was a kid involved.
He relaxed back into the couch, Jared's arm solid around his shoulders, and tried to watch TV, tried to ignore the antsy feeling in his stomach.
He heard footsteps clomping up the stairs around eight-thirty and stiffened. Jared kissed the top of his head. "Seriously, dude, don't worry."
"Easy for you to say," Jensen mumbled.
"Trust me," said Jared, a little tightly, "I've got tons to worry about."
It somehow hadn't occurred to him that Jared would be stressing out just as much, and he realized probably his stressing helped with that--it probably was easier for Jared, that Jensen cared so much. Because if he didn't--
Jared flicked off the TV as the door opened.
Meggie--Megan, Jensen reminded himself, only Jared was allowed to call her Meggie--came in first. She wasn't nearly as tall as Jared, of course, but she was still on the tall side for a girl, pretty and dark-haired. She blinked in surprise when she spotted Jensen standing next to Jared, and he saw her eyes flick to Jared with a question.
Then Alex came in.
She was talking about something--Jensen couldn't quite hear what through his own nervousness, but she stopped as soon as she spotted him. Her brown hair was wet, curling a little as it dried, and her eyes were the same hazel as Jared's. The first thing he could really think was, yeah, that was Jared's daughter.
"Hey," he said, awkwardly, to both of them.
Alex shuffled behind Megan's leg, sticking her towel in her mouth and looking very small.
Jared gave his hand one last squeeze and crossed the room to kneel down next to his daughter, talking to her in a voice so quiet Jensen could barely hear it. He hadn't realized Jared was capable of speaking that quietly.
Megan, in the meantime, crossed the room and smiled at him.
"You must be Jensen."
"Yeah," he said. "Hi."
She laughed. "Nice to meet you. Don't pass out."
"I'm not."
"C'mon, sit down, I need to grill you. Jared hasn't let me grill one of his boyfriends in ages."
"I'm not letting you grill this one!" Jared called from near the door. "Meggie!"
"Ignore him. What do you do, Jensen?"
"I'm a physical therapist," he said. "Out near Harvard."
"And that's how you met my dork brother, right? On the bus?"
"Yeah."
Megan grinned, leaned in conspiratorially. "You should've heard him talk about you the first day. I thought he was going to stalk you for your number."
"They're never going to find your body, Meggie," said Jared. Then, "Hey, Jensen, come over here."
Jensen wiped his palms on his jeans, stood up, and went over to the door where Jared was still crouched next to Alex. She looked so small next to him, shy and scared, and Jensen could relate. He'd always been a shy kid himself.
He knelt down next to Jared, held up one hand in greeting. "Hi."
Alex ducked behind Jared's knee and stared up at Jensen.
"This is Jensen, Alex," Jared said quietly. "He wanted to invite us to a party this weekend."
"Yeah," Jensen said. "I don't really like new people much either, so I was hoping you and your dad would come keep me company. And," he added quickly, because as far as he knew all kids loved animals, "my friend Isaac has a really nice dog who likes to make friends."
He was pretty sure he caught a flicker of interest in Alex's eyes before she turned totally into Jared, little hands clutching his t-shirt.
Jared picked her up easily. "I think it's bedtime, kid."
"Story," he heard Alex say, soft and insistent.
"Aunt Meg's gonna do your story today, okay?"
"I want you," said Alex.
"Honey," Jared started, and Jensen touched his arm.
"Dude, read your kid a story."
Jared glanced behind him, looking surprised. "It could take a while."
Jensen shrugged. "If it gets too late, I'll go home."
Jared grinned, leaned over and kissed him quickly, carrying his daughter to another room.
His daughter. Jesus.
"So," said Megan quietly, "what do you think?"
"I think she's terrified of me. And I think the feeling might be mutual."
Megan snorted. "She's four."
"And if she doesn't like me, I'm screwed."
Megan fixed him with a look. "Want to know a secret?"
"Sure."
"Four-year-olds are easy, Jensen." She stretched, clicking off the TV. "Once she gets used to you, she's not going to hold a grudge or rebel. She's not old enough yet. She's going to like you."
Jensen hesitated. "I'm thinking there's a but here."
"Yeah," said Megan. "Jared--you know why he wouldn't introduce you?"
"He thought I was going to freak out and leave?" he suggested. It felt kind of--egotistical. To think that was it.
Megan snorted. "He thinks you're amazing, Jensen. He wasn't worried you were going to run."
Jensen flushed.
"But, you know, he's not worried about him. He's worried about Alex. No one's ever tried getting close to her, and if you do and then you guys break up . . ."
Jensen blinked. It hadn't ever--he hadn't thought about that at all. Which was kind of--selfish, probably, was the word. Probably not paternal, either. Because Alex wasn't actually something to use to help him get Jared, wasn't some boss he needed to defeat in order to win the game and get the guy. Alex was a little girl who didn't have a mother and never had.
This was a family, a family he was trying to join.
"I don't want to break up with him," said Jensen, aware of how stupid it sounded, how small and useless.
But Megan smiled at him. Just said, "Yeah," and turned the TV back on.
*
Jensen ended up dozing a little, woke up when Jared shook his shoulder, smiling a little.
"It's like nine," said Jared fondly. "You're getting old."
"Shut up," Jensen retorted easily, pulling Jared down with him. Jared went easily, laughing.
"Thanks for sticking around," he said.
Jensen knew he didn't mean it like that, but it sounded heavy, all the same.
*
Alex didn't end up coming to the barbecue, even if Jared did, but Jared started letting Jensen come over, inviting him for dinner when Megan was out, for movies with Alex, who, just as promised, stopped sitting exclusively in Jared's lap and started inching closer to Jensen after only a few days, curiosity getting the best of her. Jensen managed to impress her with his knowledge of Disney trivia--and, seriously, he'd have to thank Mac for that one sometime--and by introducing her to the Ninja Turtles.
"Can't believe you didn't try them," Jensen whispered smugly.
"Second movie scared the shit out of me when I was little," Jared pouted.
"Seriously?"
"Don't judge."
"She seems to dig it. Maybe she's not a wuss like her dad."
"You suck."
The thing was, Jensen knew that wasn't it. He felt like he should call his mama so she could give him that lecture about how a dog was too much responsibility, because if he couldn't handle a pet, he definitely couldn't handle a kid.
Of course, Jared at eighteen probably had thought the same thing. Definitely had.
It was almost September when he finally gave in and called home, which felt a little like admitting defeat. But in September everything was changing; Jared wouldn't be on the bus every day, he'd have classes and homework and Alex, and Megan would too. It would just be harder to coordinate things. And Jensen was already missing the last month, missing movies with his boyfriend and his daughter, missing watching Jared goof around, missing--well, he liked his life right now.
But he didn't think it was love, what he felt for Alex. Jared was another matter; he was pretty fucking sure he loved Jared. But--yeah. He needed to talk to his mama.
"Jensen!" she said, pleased and surprised. Jensen was hit with a wave of guilt; he should call his mama more. "Thought you maybe forgot how to use the phone."
He flushed hotly. "Sorry, mama."
"So how've you been, honey?"
"Good," he breathed out. "Real good. I--I've got a boyfriend."
"A boyfriend?" she asked, sounding surprised and pleased. "Since when?"
"Guess we started going out in July," he said. "But it's been a little--different."
"Different?" She paused. "Tell me about him."
Jensen smiled. "His name's Jared. He's from San Antonio, going to MIT. He's--we get along great, mama. He's pretty much perfect."
"So what's different?"
"He's got a daughter."
"A daughter?"
"Her name's Alex, she's four. She's--she's a good kid."
"You don't sound sure about that."
"No, I'm sure," Jensen said. "I just--" He scrubbed his hand through his hair. "I don't want them to think that I can be that guy if I can't be."
His mother was quiet. "A father, you mean."
Jensen let out a breath. "Yeah."
His mother, to his shock, snorted. "Don't stress yourself out so much."
"Huh?"
"Jensen, you're not marrying this boy. You're dating him. Just because he has a child doesn't mean you have to be his family right away. It's been two months. You're being an idiot."
Jensen blinked. "Oh."
"It happens to everyone," she said consolingly. "Don't feel bad."
*
The last Sunday in August, he and Jared and Alex went to the common. Alex held his hand, and he tried not to think about if he liked it enough, if he felt natural enough. He felt happy, light, and maybe that was all he had to feel.
Jared insisted on feeding ducks, which Jensen and Alex both had some skepticism for.
"I don't like ducks," Alex confessed.
"Why not?" asked Jensen.
"Because they were mean to the swan. Just cuz it looked different."
"Swans are a lot bigger," Jensen said, without thinking about it. "I bet they could beat up the ducks."
Alex giggled.
This is the easy age, Jensen found himself thinking. She might not always like me.
"You're both mean," said Jared loftily. "Ducks get a bad rep."
"No they don't. They've got the statues," Jensen pointed out.
"Swans have those boats."
"Can we go in a boat?" asked Alex, tugging on Jared's sleeve.
Jared's eyes flicked up to Jensen. "How about you and Jensen go? Since you like swans so much."
Alex looked up at him, eyes big and pleading.
"Yeah," Jensen found himself saying. "Let's go."
*
"So," said Jared, as Jensen puttered around his kitchen that night. "What now?"
Jensen blinked. "I'm making you dinner?"
Jared sighed, shook his head. "I mean--school starts in a couple days. I'm gonna be busy. You sure you want a boyfriend with a kid and a ton of freshman engineering classes and a nosy little sister and--"
"Yeah," said Jensen. Because--he'd never not wanted Jared. He'd wanted Jared since he first saw him, and he wanted-- "Yeah," he repeated, stronger. "I want it all."
He wasn't sure exactly what response he'd been expecting, but Jared slamming him against the kitchen counter and trying to swallow his tongue wasn't it.
Not that he was objecting, fisting his hands into Jared's shirt and kissing back, teeth clacking together as Jared whimpered into his mouth.
Jensen sort of figured Jared wanted to take things slow, but the desperate noises Jared was making in the back of his throat were a pretty clear indication he didn't want that anymore. So he probably should have told Jared he was in love with him sooner.
He guessed he hadn't actually told him that yet, in so many words. But he thought Jared kind of got it.
Jared slipped his shirt off, running his hands over Jensen's ribs.
"Are you trying to fuck me in the kitchen?" Jensen managed. "Because I have a bed."
"Yeah?" asked Jared, eyes dark. "Wanna show me?"
Jensen swallowed. "Jesus. Yes." He slotted his hands against Jared's hips, pulled him back and couldn't stop kissing him. They tripped through the hall and fell into the bed, Jensen unzipping Jared's jeans and slipping his hand in, praying Jared didn't kill him. Or stop him. Which sounded just as bad.
But Jared moaned and sucked on Jensen's neck, thrusting against Jensen's hand as Jensen tugged his dick hard and fast. A few minutes later and Jared just gave up, panting against Jensen and whimpering please.
Jensen smirked, undid his own jeans one-handed and shoved them down awkwardly, got their dicks together and jerked them both off, murmuring meaningless syllables against Jared's ear as they both fell apart.
He wasn't sure how long it was before Jared's weight started to feel uncomfortable on top of him, come drying between them, but he shoved him a little, finally.
"Get off me, I still need to cook."
"I dunno if I can move," Jared said, sounding kind of dazed and blissed out.
"How long's it been since you got laid?"
"You don't wanna know. Okay, you probably do, but I don't want to have to kill you for making fun of me. Kids are the world's most effective cockblock."
Jensen managed to wrestle his way out from under Jared, laughing at Jared's small protesting noise. "Well, you can get it any time you want, you know," he pointed out kicking his jeans off fully but pulling his boxers up.
Jared sat up and grinned. "Yeah?"
Jensen snorted. "For the last two months, yeah."
Jared laughed. "So we've got some catching up to do."
"After dinner. I know you need to recharge."
"You're so good to me."
"Damn straight," Jensen shot back. Then, "Just so you know, I'm totally in love with you."
He didn't look at Jared, but he wasn't worried. He'd never been less worried in his life, he didn't think.
"Me too," he heard Jared say softly. Then, louder, "So, we're doing this?"
And that was an easy one. "Yeah. We're doing this."
Author: chash
Fandom: Supernatural RPS
Pairing: Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles
Rating: NC-17.
Warnings: Kidfic. Am I the only one who likes to be warned about kids? Don't answer that.
Word Count: 7200.
Summary: It's July 2005, and Jensen Ackles is meeting the man of his dreams at the bus stop.
Notes: No part of this is the fic I was planning to write. I guess that's okay, though. Title and cut text from Tori Amos.
Disclaimer: Lies and untruths.
Jensen was running late, because parents were really stupid about their kids, Jesus Christ. He was worried he was going to actually hit Mrs. Norman if she didn't stop insisting that there had to be more wrong with her son. He was recovering normally--Jensen thought that was a good thing, not a sign he secretly had cancer.
He was supposed to be meeting up with a couple of his friends from school who were coming in to town, and he really, really wanted to make his bus. Because he hated being the loser who went to a bar dressed in work clothes.
So he wasn't paying attention at all, just booking it for the bus stop when he got pretty much completely taken out by some giant guy.
"Oh, god, I'm really sorry, I wasn't paying attention..." said the guy immediately, starting to pick up papers. Jensen dragged himself to a sitting position, gingerly probing his head to see if he'd actually done it any damage. Probably not, he decided. Just his pride.
The guy found the last of his papers and stood up. And then up some more--Jensen's surprised he didn't actually get steamrolled. Jesus.
"Sorry," the guy said again, smiling down at him through messy bangs. He had moles, and uneven teeth, and somehow he was the most adorable thing Jensen had ever seen. Probably a student, he decided absently--maybe a Harvard kid. And really, really cute.
"It's okay," Jensen managed, even though he was feeling kind of dizzy and hazy. The guy offered him a hand, and Jensen took it, suddenly presented with the reality that he was, in addition to being really cute, was really strong, and broad, and hopefully single. "Happens," he continued.
The guy gave another nervous smile, shy and small. "If you're not too pissed, maybe you can help me out?"
"Maybe," Jensen said, trying not to do anything embarrassing, like drool or jump him. "What do you need?"
"The 86 bus," said the guy. "I'm a little lost."
Jensen grinned. "That's where I'm headed anyway. Just, uh--hurry."
Jensen's watch told him they actually had to run so further conversation was pretty much out, and the bus was too packed for them to even stand together.
Jensen bit down on a sharp stab of disappointment, concentrating instead on how good it would be to see Pete and Lyle, putting the big kid with the big hands out of his mind. He was probably straight anyway.
*
The next day, the guy was at the bus stop before Jensen got there.
"Hey!" he said, grinning as Jensen came up. "Didn't get a chance to thank you yesterday. Probably would've wandered the neighborhood for hours if I didn't run into you." His smile turned sheepish again. "Literally. Did I mention I was sorry?"
Jensen couldn't help laughing. "Yeah, you did. No big, man. I didn't think you were out to get me."
"Definitely not. I'm Jared, by the way. Jared Padalecki."
"Jensen Ackles."
"Where do you live, anyway?" Jared asked. "You got off a stop before me last night." He flushed a little. "Not that I was stalking you, or anything. Just curious."
Jensen filed that one away. Because--hey, Jared cared. "Brighton center."
Jared nodded. "Okay, I definitely know where that is. Kind of, anyway. I'm still getting the hang of it."
"When'd you move in?" he asked. He wasn't the best at small talk, but if Jared was putting in the effort to talk to him, he was going to put some effort in back. Hopefully Jared wouldn't mind the awkward.
Jared stretched, and Jensen couldn't help taking in the powerful lines of his body. Kid was built. "Last week. Really, really new in town."
"Where from?"
"California. LA."
Jensen had to snort. "You're gonna die come winter, man."
Jared laughed. He had a laugh Jensen had to think of as boisterous, which was one of those words he'd learned for the SATs and never thought he'd need in the real world. "Don't tell me you're one of those New Englanders who wears sandals in the snow," he grinned. "I've heard stories."
"Nah. Southern boy. But I kind of like it now. Not enough for sandals, but, you know."
"Southern, huh? Whereabouts?" asked Jared as the bus pulled up. Jensen couldn't help grinning--front of the line, and he was totally going to get to talk to Jared the whole way home. Well, if everything went well.
"Richardson," he said automatically. He realized that wasn't actually that helpful. "Uh, Texas. Near Dallas."
Jared grinned, taking an empty seat and gesturing for Jensen to sit next to him. "No, I know Richardson. I'm from San Antonio."
"Oh," said Jensen, not sure where to go with that. . He knew this was a natural conversation lag, and he wanted to come up with some fantastic icebreaker to keep them going, but he was having a little trouble. He wanted to know so much about Jared it was almost scary--why he'd been in LA, why he was in Boston now, where he worked, what he liked, if he was single, if he was into guys at all--and he didn't know where to start.
Jared's phone buzzed, saving him, and Jared picked it up and flipped it open, eyes lighting up as he laughed a little.
"What happened?" Jensen asked.
Jared shook his head, fingers flying over the tiny phone keypad as he replied. Jensen didn't know how Jared hit the right keys with hands his size. Hell, he wasn't sure how he didn't break the phone. "Just a text."
"Girlfriend?" asked Jensen, feeling like the least subtle guy on the planet.
Jared apparently noticed too, arching an eyebrow in amusement. But he didn't reply immediately, just smiled almost wistfully and looked down. "So I wasn't reading you wrong," he said, in a tone Jensen couldn't quite place.
"No," he admitted. "Uh--that a problem?"
"Definitely not," said Jared, his voice more sure. "I was really kind of hoping. But, uh--" he laughed a little. "The text. That was my daughter."
Jensen blinked. "You're kind of--"
"Young?"
"Yeah," Jensen admitted He'd put Jared at no more than twenty-five, figured him for, possibly, a student. If he had a daughter old enough to text him, he was a lot older than he looked. Or got married a lot younger.
Jared ducked his head, "I know. I, uh. It was stupid."
"You don't have to explain," Jensen said quickly.
"No, I don't mind," said Jared, waving his hand. "Trust me, I'm the first to admit when I'm being stupid." He took a break. "I was the dumbass who knocked up a girl on prom night."
Jensen stared, only realizing how bad that was after Jared noticed him doing it.
Jared didn't seem offended though, just laughed. "I know, I know. How cliche can you get? I was--well, I was actually going to Hollywood, trying to make it as an actor. Left right after graduation. I was there for three months before my ex called me and starting raving about pregnancy and how she was gonna fucking kick my ass."
Jensen swallowed. "Jesus."
Jared looked sheepish, as if he'd only just realized how much he'd said. "So, uh," he said, "yeah. I'd love to go out with you sometime, if you're interested. But--I've got some baggage."
Jensen blinked, because assuming all that was true, it was probably the most honesty he'd gotten from a guy in--a pretty long time.
"Dinner, maybe?" Jensen suggested, and Jared's face lit up.
"Yeah. I'd really like that."
*
The first time Jensen saw Jared on his TV was the night of their first date.
They'd been on the bus home together every day, so they'd already gotten through most of the standard smalltalk. Jared was starting college at MIT in the fall--"Better late than never, right?" he'd asked, flashing a grin--and had a job helping out in a lab for the summer, which was why he was here in the first place. He'd stayed in San Antonio for the first few years of his daughter's life, tried to go back to LA and make the acting thing work last year, but found that it wasn't for him like he thought it was.
Jensen had even admitted his own aborted dream of being an actor, something he usually didn't talk about. Something about Jared just made him feel--comfortable, maybe.
Maybe something a little less lame.
Either way, he'd known Jared had done a little acting, but he was totally unprepared to catch Jared in a rerun of--something.
It made for a good conversation starter, anyway. So when Jared arrived at the restaurant, tall and broad and really hot in a tight t-shirt and jeans, Jensen could say, with something approaching smoothness, "Were you in a teen girl show?"
Jared groaned. "Oh man, you saw that? How? When?"
"Totally by accident," said Jensen, grinning widely. "It was on when I turned on the TV earlier today."
"Gilmore Girls," said Jared, shaking his head. "I did the pilot, and then I had to go home before I even found out it got picked up. Sad story, man."
Jensen cracked his shit up. "You would've been a million girls' first boyfriend."
"I think I already was. Sometimes I get fanmail for it. It was, like, ten minutes. Tops."
Jensen shook his head. "You were dreamy, man."
"I still am," Jared shot back. "We getting a table, or are you just gonna make fun of me all night?"
Jensen mock-sighed. "If we must."
*
What it came down to, in the end, was that Jensen really liked Jared. Based on a week of train rides and part of a date, yes, but that didn't bother him nearly as much as it should have. He liked the guy enough he was already trying to plan more dates, trying to figure out how soon he could kiss him, just--wanting things, wanting a lot.
And he'd never had to take a child into account with this kind of thing before. He'd honestly thought he never would have to, which was maybe stupid. Being gay didn't mean kids were never going to be an issue. Besides, he was twenty-seven; it shouldn't have been an issue for a long time anyway.
"So, uh," Jensen started, halfway through his burger. "Is your daughter at home alone?"
"She's four," Jared said, smiling a little. "She's a little too young to babysit herself."
Jensen blinked. "She's just four?"
"How old did you think I was?"
"But she texted you."
"Not on her own," Jared clarified. "She dictates, my sister writes."
"Your sister?"
"She's nineteen, goes to BU. She's with Alex now. That's part of why we moved up here--I knew Meggie would help me out."
Jensen nodded. He had to admit, Jared's dedication was kind of--impressive. Balancing a child, an education, and a part-time job at twenty-two was pretty much Jensen's idea of hell.
"Tell me about her," he found himself saying.
"Meggie or Alex?"
"Alex."
Jared grinned, looked down at his plate, a graveyard of fries. "She's amazing. We were gonna put her up for adoption, that's what her mother wanted. But I took one look at her and I couldn't. I screwed up my whole life to keep her, you know?"
Jensen stared. "Hollywood would've eaten you alive, man," he said finally.
Jared laughed. "Shut up."
"So what does she like?"
"She's four. She likes ponies and Disney movies and ninjas."
"Ninjas?"
"We watched The Karate Kid. She got really into it."
"Really progressive of you."
"You're just jealous I got a kid who draws ninja ponies."
Jensen shook his head, laughing a little. When he looked back up, Jared was just looking at him, curious and happy.
"What?" asked Jensen.
"You still interested?" he asked. "In me, I mean."
Jensen swallowed, taken off guard by the question. He wondered, over the years, how many people had turned Jared down just because of his kid. He couldn't imagine a lot of other reasons to do it.
"Yeah," he said, more sure of that than he had been of a lot of other things in his life.
*
"So," said Jared, "can I walk you home?"
Jensen raised his eyebrows. "Walk me home?"
Jared laughed. "Do you stop doing that after high school? I'm pretty rusty at this, man. You're gonna need to give me pointers."
"You can walk me home," Jensen said, smiling. "It's this way."
Jared's shoulder knocked against his as they walked, close but not too close. Companionable, maybe.
"Do you want to catch a movie?" Jensen asked, kind of rushed. He'd been trying to figure out what to ask, what to say, and a movie seemed safe. And cheaper than getting another dinner; Jared can't be rolling in money, between college and the kid. "Sometime."
Jared grinned. "Yeah. But, uh, not for a few days? I feel bad making Meggie watch the kid too often. She wouldn't say anything, but--yeah."
"Whenever you're free," Jensen said with a shrug. "I get it, man."
Jared smiled. "Thanks. I, uh." He laughed a little. "For a while, I just didn't tell guys about the kid. Some girls dig it, you know? They think kids are adorable and think they're good with them, but guys always got kind of spooked."
Jensen shrugged, a little awkwardly. It wasn't like he wasn't spooked. But Alex was still kind of an abstract concept for him, something so unfamiliar he couldn't quite comprehend it. His brother had a son, but Logan was a baby, not a person yet at all. "I never really thought about it," he admitted.
"Me neither," Jared agreed.
"So why'd you tell me?"
"I had a couple guys I really liked, and they--I was kind of lying to them. Figure if it's gonna be a problem, I should get it out there before I get attached."
"Oh," said Jensen.
"So that's my whole honesty is the best policy thing right now," he said brightly. "Tell me if I get too TMI on you."
Jensen had to snort at that. "Too TMI? Did you really just say that?"
"Shut up," said Jared, laughing and blushing dully. "It's how the kids talk now."
"You know, you're remarkably out of touch for twenty-two."
"I'm with it," Jared said. He clucked his tongue. "I know Wednesday is kind of a weird date night, but Alex does swimming and Meggie has a crush on the teacher so she always takes her. Could you do that?"
"As long as it's kind of early," Jensen grinned. "I need my beauty sleep."
"Wouldn't want you going ugly on me," Jared agreed.
They spent the rest of the walk back to Jensen's figuring out what movie to see--Jared arguing for some terrible chick flick Jensen had never heard of, on the grounds that it was romantic, and Jensen arguing for Batman Begins on the grounds that they actually wanted to see it. Which ended up winning out.
"This is me," Jensen said, stopping in front of his door.
"If I say I had a really good time tonight, are you going to call me out on my sucky dating technique?"
"Yeah."
"I did anyway," said Jared, and leaned down to kiss Jensen before he could make fun at all.
It wasn't making out, not even close. No tongue, not even lingering, just a brush of lips, and then Jared grinned at him.
"So I'll see you on the bus on Monday?"
"Yeah," Jensen agreed. "See you Monday."
*
By the next Tuesday, they'd gone out three times. The movie was mostly the two of them being enraptured by explosions, and after Jared waved his arms around, describing his favorite parts. Jensen mostly just watched, fondness something nearly alive in his chest.
On Sunday, they went to the common and walked around. Jensen had sort of expected Alex to be there, because it seemed like such a kid-friendly date, but it was just the two of them, and Jared held his hand the whole time. He'd asked first, a little hesitant, and Jensen hadn't known quite what to make of it. He wondered if Jared would have been this kind of affectionate without a child in his life, or if he's just used to touching everyone.
So on Tuesday, Jensen was feeling good, thinking about asking Jared out for Thursday, hoping to get a kiss that lasted more than three seconds while he was at it. But then when he got to the bust stop, Jared was blushing dark red and wearing a pink cone hat that said "birthday princess" on it, so that kind of took priority.
Jensen raised his eyebrows.
"Alex bought it for me," Jared said, before he could say anything. "Or she and Meggie did, I guess. Meggie didn't tell her what it said other than 'birthday,' and Alex made me promise to wear it all day."
It was really, really adorable and Jensen suddenly couldn't help himself, leaned over and kissed Jared right there, quick and sure, because of course his daughter wouldn't know if he had the hat on all day, but he was doing it anyway.
Jared blinked, and Jensen just smiled. "It's your birthday?"
"Yeah," said Jared, looking down.
"You didn't tell me."
"Dude, we've had three dates and known each other for, what, two weeks? I didn't want you thinking you had to get me anything."
"Happy birthday anyway," Jensen said. "Big plans?"
"Me, my kid, and a Pixar marathon. And cake, duh."
For the first time, Jensen felt a jolt of want at the idea of family like that; he hadn't ever thought much about kids one way or the other, wasn't one of those people who thought he'd be completed by marriage and children. But the idea of cuddling next to Jared on a couch, a warm body between them--he didn't know he wanted that.
He swallowed. "Can I take you out on Thursday?" he asked. "Dinner and a movie?"
Jared smiled, but Jensen could already see the rejection in it. "Meggie's got a date on Thursday. Sorry."
"I could--" he stopped, wondering if this was the kind of thing he was allowed to say. "I could rent something," he said. "Kid friendly."
Jared stared at him for a long moment, and Jensen knew the answer was still no.
"It's--man, I'd like to, but. It's too soon, man. I just--it's not--"
"Hey," said Jensen, "you don't have to explain."
"You're always trying to let me off easy," said Jared, offering Jensen a seat and standing next to him.
"Your kid comes first," said Jensen. "I get it."
Jared looked like he wanted to say something else, but he didn't, finally. Just shook his head and repositioned, stood a little closer to Jensen, his legs brushing against Jensen's side as he sat.
*
Thursday at six, Jensen's phone rang loudly just as he got out of the shower.
"Hello?"
"Hey!" Jared said, sounding excited. "Meggie's date canceled on her last minute. Wanted to see if I could pick up some takeout and bring a movie over to your place. Unless you're busy now."
Jensen looked around his apartment; it was kind of dirty and smelly, and there were stains on his couch from the last time Isaac had stopped by and spilled beer all over it.
But Jared was offering to come over, and Jensen sure as hell wasn't going to say no to that. "Pizza," said Jensen. "Give me half an hour."
He could hear Jared's happiness practically radiating through the phone, even if all he said was, "See you soon."
*
Jared arrived thirty-five minutes later with a half-cheese, half-everything pizza.
"Figured I'd cover my bases," he explained with a grin, sticking the box down on the coffee table with a DVD of Michael Keaton's Batman. At Jensen's look, he just grinned. "Thought we could stick to the theme. And if you don't like it, you can show me whatever you want."
"I like it," Jensen said easily, watching Jared check out the apartment. It still wasn't clean, exactly, but it had downgraded from pigsty to lived in, which was about all he'd been hoping for. "Want a beer? Or soda, whatever." He had yet to see Jared drink, he assumed because of his kid. Although Jensen had trouble believing one beer would even affect the guy.
"Soda's good," said Jared easily, flopping down on Jensen's couch with a grin. "Thanks for letting me come over."
Jensen grabbed a plates and a couple cans of Coke, shaking his head. "Yeah, because hanging out with my boyfriend is such a hardship."
Immediately, he regretted the words. He wasn't really sure if Jared was his boyfriend; they hadn't really been dating that long, and Jensen sort of figured it was exclusive, but he didn't actually know. Jared didn't seem to have time to see someone else.
"I mean, uh," he said quickly, putting down the soda and refusing to look at Jared. "Whatever."
Jared tugged his arm, though, pulled him down onto the couch and kissed him, hot and wet and everything Jensen had been wanting--pretty much since he saw Jared, actually. He moaned, pressed closer, pushed Jared back against the cushions as they made out shamelessly.
Jensen only pulled back when he heard Jared's stomach growl, and Jared blushed.
"Skipped lunch," he explained.
Jensen straightened up, handed Jared a plate. "Eat up."
They ate most of the pizza between the two of them, talked through half the movie and kissed through the other half, greasy and perfect, and it was almost physically painful to let Jared go at the end of the night.
"See you tomorrow," Jared murmured as they made out at the door.
"Mmm," said Jensen, way more interested in sucking on Jared's tongue.
Jared groaned as he pulled away. "Seriously, I gotta go."
Jensen let go reluctantly, wondering how Alex felt about sleepovers. Or how Jared felt about them.
"Bye," he said, smiling a little, and Jared pecked him one last time and was out the door.
Apparently, Jensen had a boyfriend.
*
Saturday morning, kind of ungodly early, his phone rang. The caller ID said Jared, though, so he couldn't really mind that much.
"Hey!" he said, trying to sound upbeat and fun, like a good boyfriend, not a zombie.
"Are you Jensen?" asked a girl's voice, kind of irritably.
For a minute, he thought that maybe Jared had been lying to him this whole time, did not have a daughter, and just had a jealous girlfriend.
"Yes?" he tried.
"This is Megan Padalecki," said the girl. "I need to talk to you."
Jensen sat up, scrubbing the sleep out of his eyes immediately. "Is Jared okay? Did something happen?"
There was a pause. "No, he's fine. Look, just--do you like him?"
Okay, so this was a call about his intentions. Jared would have a madly overprotective sister. It just figured.
Of course, it wasn't actually a hard question. "Yeah," he said. "I really like him."
"And you like Alex."
"I haven't met Alex," Jensen pointed out.
"But you don't--you get it, right?"
Jensen's head hurt a little. "Get what?"
"She's not, like, a puppy or a theoretical concept. She's a kid. She's kind of shy around strangers and she likes to draw and she's never even met her mom. She calls my mom that because that's what Jared always calls her."
Jensen didn't know quite what to say to that. Because--he thought he got it. But he'd never done this before. "I've never done this before," he admitted. "But, uh. I really like your brother a lot."
"Just--think about it," Megan said. "He's not going to want to introduce you for a long time, because--he ends up getting hurt, one way or another."
"How often has this happened?" asked Jensen, pissed at everyone who hurt Jared, not just for hurting him, but for having the opportunity to do so in the first place.
"Not that often," Megan admitted. "But it sticks with you. Don't be that guy, Jensen."
Jensen was just quiet at the phone for a long time, because--he didn't know how to be this kind of responsible. He couldn't promise anything.
"Anyway," she said, sounding weirdly chipper, "my dork brother wants to see you again Monday night. Expect a call!"
Jensen just kind of stared at his cell after she hung up.
There had been a lot of things he'd been idly worried about in his relationship with Jared, but suddenly death by college girl was at the top of his list.
*
July rolled into August and Jensen was really, really hoping to hit third base sometime this month.
"You haven't even gotten him naked yet?" asked Isaac. "Fucking weak, man."
"It's been a month," said Jensen. "That's not that long."
"But you're crazy about the guy," Isaac pointed out. "Everything I hear is Jared, Jared, Jared."
"Yeah, I am," Jensen agreed, thunking his head down on the table. "God."
The thing was, if Jensen had his way, he probably would have gone out with Jared every night. He would have invited him over for dinner--did, more often than not--watched all the bad TV shows Jared liked, whatever. As it was, he at least saw him five days a week, held his hand on the bus, and got a few dates out of it. Granted, he'd never been so close to his right hand before, but Jared was worth it.
"You're pathetic, man."
"Remember Kelly Patrick senior year?" asked Jensen. "With the promise ring? You never got her naked and you were totally whipped."
"Fuck, don't talk about her. God, she was hot."
Jensen snickered.
"You gonna introduce me to him sometime soon, by the way? I'm getting curious."
Jensen sighed, leaning back. "Trust me, I want to. Just every time I get him, I'm not really thinking about sharing."
Isaac snorted. "Horn dog."
"Like you can talk."
"Whatever. How about this--me and Maggie are doing a barbecue next week. Kind of last minute, celebrate the end of summer kind of thing. Ask him to come."
Jensen took a swig of beer.
"Tell him it's kid friendly, hell. I don't care who he brings."
Jensen sighed. "Yeah, I'll mention it."
Isaac cocked his head, then just took a big bite of burger. "You're screwed, man."
"Yeah."
*
"So, uh," said Jensen. Jared was curled into him on the couch; they had until Alex's swimming class was over, and Jared was showing him this Office show. Jensen was trying to pay attention, but a lot more of his energy was going into the cuddling. "My best friend Isaac."
"Hm?" asked Jared, looking up. Jensen did not kiss him, because they needed to talk, not make out.
"He really wants to meet you." Jensen flushed a little. "Apparently I talk about you all the time."
Jared grinned. "Yeah?"
"Anyway. It's Saturday, and he said--you were welcome."
Jared clucked his tongue. "I dunno, I don't wanna make Meggie--"
"They could come," Jensen said, too quickly. "He said it was kid-friendly."
Jared was quiet for a while, and Jensen took a deep breath, threaded his fingers in Jared's.
"I really like you," he said quietly. "And, uh. I'd kind of like this to--" He laughed. "I dunno. Go somewhere? Keep going?"
"Me too," said Jared, just as quietly.
"So," Jensen squeezed Jared's hand, "I want to meet your family. I don't care if it's at a barbecue or whatever. I just want it to be somewhere."
It was quiet again for a while, the TV still talking in the background, but Jensen had no idea what was happening. Pretty much all he was sure about was Jared's warmth against his side, Jared's hand in his, Jared's refusal to meet his eyes.
If he lost this, he was going to be fucking heartbroken.
Jared got up, but didn't let go of his hand, so that seemed--maybe good.
"Come on," said Jared.
"What?"
Jared let out a long breath. "Let's go watch this at my place. And, uh, you can meet them when they get back."
"Jared, man, I didn't mean--"
Jared kissed him, strong hands balled into Jensen's shirt. "I really like you too," he said simply. "And you're right. But I don't want you to meet her for the first time at a barbecue. So, yeah. Wanna come over?"
It was a little sooner than he'd expected.
"Sure," he managed.
*
"You're so nervous," said Jared, after about the third time Jensen nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of a car passing outside. He sounded kind of amused and fond.
"Shut up," Jensen muttered. "I can't remember the last time I talked to a kid. Probably when Mac was one."
"They're just little people," Jared said pragmatically. "And, uh, honestly, she's probably not gonna say anything to you today and just hide behind Meggie."
"Seriously?"
"Sorry, man. She's not great around strangers."
"So what do I do?"
"Breathe, for one." Jared smiled, squeezed his hand. "Don't stress it if you guys aren't BFF or whatever. Say hi, talk to me and Meggie, but try to include her. Don't swear. Just be yourself, man."
"Right," said Jensen, resisting the urge to ask for a piece of paper for notes. It was like his physical therapy finals all over again. Except there was a kid involved.
He relaxed back into the couch, Jared's arm solid around his shoulders, and tried to watch TV, tried to ignore the antsy feeling in his stomach.
He heard footsteps clomping up the stairs around eight-thirty and stiffened. Jared kissed the top of his head. "Seriously, dude, don't worry."
"Easy for you to say," Jensen mumbled.
"Trust me," said Jared, a little tightly, "I've got tons to worry about."
It somehow hadn't occurred to him that Jared would be stressing out just as much, and he realized probably his stressing helped with that--it probably was easier for Jared, that Jensen cared so much. Because if he didn't--
Jared flicked off the TV as the door opened.
Meggie--Megan, Jensen reminded himself, only Jared was allowed to call her Meggie--came in first. She wasn't nearly as tall as Jared, of course, but she was still on the tall side for a girl, pretty and dark-haired. She blinked in surprise when she spotted Jensen standing next to Jared, and he saw her eyes flick to Jared with a question.
Then Alex came in.
She was talking about something--Jensen couldn't quite hear what through his own nervousness, but she stopped as soon as she spotted him. Her brown hair was wet, curling a little as it dried, and her eyes were the same hazel as Jared's. The first thing he could really think was, yeah, that was Jared's daughter.
"Hey," he said, awkwardly, to both of them.
Alex shuffled behind Megan's leg, sticking her towel in her mouth and looking very small.
Jared gave his hand one last squeeze and crossed the room to kneel down next to his daughter, talking to her in a voice so quiet Jensen could barely hear it. He hadn't realized Jared was capable of speaking that quietly.
Megan, in the meantime, crossed the room and smiled at him.
"You must be Jensen."
"Yeah," he said. "Hi."
She laughed. "Nice to meet you. Don't pass out."
"I'm not."
"C'mon, sit down, I need to grill you. Jared hasn't let me grill one of his boyfriends in ages."
"I'm not letting you grill this one!" Jared called from near the door. "Meggie!"
"Ignore him. What do you do, Jensen?"
"I'm a physical therapist," he said. "Out near Harvard."
"And that's how you met my dork brother, right? On the bus?"
"Yeah."
Megan grinned, leaned in conspiratorially. "You should've heard him talk about you the first day. I thought he was going to stalk you for your number."
"They're never going to find your body, Meggie," said Jared. Then, "Hey, Jensen, come over here."
Jensen wiped his palms on his jeans, stood up, and went over to the door where Jared was still crouched next to Alex. She looked so small next to him, shy and scared, and Jensen could relate. He'd always been a shy kid himself.
He knelt down next to Jared, held up one hand in greeting. "Hi."
Alex ducked behind Jared's knee and stared up at Jensen.
"This is Jensen, Alex," Jared said quietly. "He wanted to invite us to a party this weekend."
"Yeah," Jensen said. "I don't really like new people much either, so I was hoping you and your dad would come keep me company. And," he added quickly, because as far as he knew all kids loved animals, "my friend Isaac has a really nice dog who likes to make friends."
He was pretty sure he caught a flicker of interest in Alex's eyes before she turned totally into Jared, little hands clutching his t-shirt.
Jared picked her up easily. "I think it's bedtime, kid."
"Story," he heard Alex say, soft and insistent.
"Aunt Meg's gonna do your story today, okay?"
"I want you," said Alex.
"Honey," Jared started, and Jensen touched his arm.
"Dude, read your kid a story."
Jared glanced behind him, looking surprised. "It could take a while."
Jensen shrugged. "If it gets too late, I'll go home."
Jared grinned, leaned over and kissed him quickly, carrying his daughter to another room.
His daughter. Jesus.
"So," said Megan quietly, "what do you think?"
"I think she's terrified of me. And I think the feeling might be mutual."
Megan snorted. "She's four."
"And if she doesn't like me, I'm screwed."
Megan fixed him with a look. "Want to know a secret?"
"Sure."
"Four-year-olds are easy, Jensen." She stretched, clicking off the TV. "Once she gets used to you, she's not going to hold a grudge or rebel. She's not old enough yet. She's going to like you."
Jensen hesitated. "I'm thinking there's a but here."
"Yeah," said Megan. "Jared--you know why he wouldn't introduce you?"
"He thought I was going to freak out and leave?" he suggested. It felt kind of--egotistical. To think that was it.
Megan snorted. "He thinks you're amazing, Jensen. He wasn't worried you were going to run."
Jensen flushed.
"But, you know, he's not worried about him. He's worried about Alex. No one's ever tried getting close to her, and if you do and then you guys break up . . ."
Jensen blinked. It hadn't ever--he hadn't thought about that at all. Which was kind of--selfish, probably, was the word. Probably not paternal, either. Because Alex wasn't actually something to use to help him get Jared, wasn't some boss he needed to defeat in order to win the game and get the guy. Alex was a little girl who didn't have a mother and never had.
This was a family, a family he was trying to join.
"I don't want to break up with him," said Jensen, aware of how stupid it sounded, how small and useless.
But Megan smiled at him. Just said, "Yeah," and turned the TV back on.
*
Jensen ended up dozing a little, woke up when Jared shook his shoulder, smiling a little.
"It's like nine," said Jared fondly. "You're getting old."
"Shut up," Jensen retorted easily, pulling Jared down with him. Jared went easily, laughing.
"Thanks for sticking around," he said.
Jensen knew he didn't mean it like that, but it sounded heavy, all the same.
*
Alex didn't end up coming to the barbecue, even if Jared did, but Jared started letting Jensen come over, inviting him for dinner when Megan was out, for movies with Alex, who, just as promised, stopped sitting exclusively in Jared's lap and started inching closer to Jensen after only a few days, curiosity getting the best of her. Jensen managed to impress her with his knowledge of Disney trivia--and, seriously, he'd have to thank Mac for that one sometime--and by introducing her to the Ninja Turtles.
"Can't believe you didn't try them," Jensen whispered smugly.
"Second movie scared the shit out of me when I was little," Jared pouted.
"Seriously?"
"Don't judge."
"She seems to dig it. Maybe she's not a wuss like her dad."
"You suck."
The thing was, Jensen knew that wasn't it. He felt like he should call his mama so she could give him that lecture about how a dog was too much responsibility, because if he couldn't handle a pet, he definitely couldn't handle a kid.
Of course, Jared at eighteen probably had thought the same thing. Definitely had.
It was almost September when he finally gave in and called home, which felt a little like admitting defeat. But in September everything was changing; Jared wouldn't be on the bus every day, he'd have classes and homework and Alex, and Megan would too. It would just be harder to coordinate things. And Jensen was already missing the last month, missing movies with his boyfriend and his daughter, missing watching Jared goof around, missing--well, he liked his life right now.
But he didn't think it was love, what he felt for Alex. Jared was another matter; he was pretty fucking sure he loved Jared. But--yeah. He needed to talk to his mama.
"Jensen!" she said, pleased and surprised. Jensen was hit with a wave of guilt; he should call his mama more. "Thought you maybe forgot how to use the phone."
He flushed hotly. "Sorry, mama."
"So how've you been, honey?"
"Good," he breathed out. "Real good. I--I've got a boyfriend."
"A boyfriend?" she asked, sounding surprised and pleased. "Since when?"
"Guess we started going out in July," he said. "But it's been a little--different."
"Different?" She paused. "Tell me about him."
Jensen smiled. "His name's Jared. He's from San Antonio, going to MIT. He's--we get along great, mama. He's pretty much perfect."
"So what's different?"
"He's got a daughter."
"A daughter?"
"Her name's Alex, she's four. She's--she's a good kid."
"You don't sound sure about that."
"No, I'm sure," Jensen said. "I just--" He scrubbed his hand through his hair. "I don't want them to think that I can be that guy if I can't be."
His mother was quiet. "A father, you mean."
Jensen let out a breath. "Yeah."
His mother, to his shock, snorted. "Don't stress yourself out so much."
"Huh?"
"Jensen, you're not marrying this boy. You're dating him. Just because he has a child doesn't mean you have to be his family right away. It's been two months. You're being an idiot."
Jensen blinked. "Oh."
"It happens to everyone," she said consolingly. "Don't feel bad."
*
The last Sunday in August, he and Jared and Alex went to the common. Alex held his hand, and he tried not to think about if he liked it enough, if he felt natural enough. He felt happy, light, and maybe that was all he had to feel.
Jared insisted on feeding ducks, which Jensen and Alex both had some skepticism for.
"I don't like ducks," Alex confessed.
"Why not?" asked Jensen.
"Because they were mean to the swan. Just cuz it looked different."
"Swans are a lot bigger," Jensen said, without thinking about it. "I bet they could beat up the ducks."
Alex giggled.
This is the easy age, Jensen found himself thinking. She might not always like me.
"You're both mean," said Jared loftily. "Ducks get a bad rep."
"No they don't. They've got the statues," Jensen pointed out.
"Swans have those boats."
"Can we go in a boat?" asked Alex, tugging on Jared's sleeve.
Jared's eyes flicked up to Jensen. "How about you and Jensen go? Since you like swans so much."
Alex looked up at him, eyes big and pleading.
"Yeah," Jensen found himself saying. "Let's go."
*
"So," said Jared, as Jensen puttered around his kitchen that night. "What now?"
Jensen blinked. "I'm making you dinner?"
Jared sighed, shook his head. "I mean--school starts in a couple days. I'm gonna be busy. You sure you want a boyfriend with a kid and a ton of freshman engineering classes and a nosy little sister and--"
"Yeah," said Jensen. Because--he'd never not wanted Jared. He'd wanted Jared since he first saw him, and he wanted-- "Yeah," he repeated, stronger. "I want it all."
He wasn't sure exactly what response he'd been expecting, but Jared slamming him against the kitchen counter and trying to swallow his tongue wasn't it.
Not that he was objecting, fisting his hands into Jared's shirt and kissing back, teeth clacking together as Jared whimpered into his mouth.
Jensen sort of figured Jared wanted to take things slow, but the desperate noises Jared was making in the back of his throat were a pretty clear indication he didn't want that anymore. So he probably should have told Jared he was in love with him sooner.
He guessed he hadn't actually told him that yet, in so many words. But he thought Jared kind of got it.
Jared slipped his shirt off, running his hands over Jensen's ribs.
"Are you trying to fuck me in the kitchen?" Jensen managed. "Because I have a bed."
"Yeah?" asked Jared, eyes dark. "Wanna show me?"
Jensen swallowed. "Jesus. Yes." He slotted his hands against Jared's hips, pulled him back and couldn't stop kissing him. They tripped through the hall and fell into the bed, Jensen unzipping Jared's jeans and slipping his hand in, praying Jared didn't kill him. Or stop him. Which sounded just as bad.
But Jared moaned and sucked on Jensen's neck, thrusting against Jensen's hand as Jensen tugged his dick hard and fast. A few minutes later and Jared just gave up, panting against Jensen and whimpering please.
Jensen smirked, undid his own jeans one-handed and shoved them down awkwardly, got their dicks together and jerked them both off, murmuring meaningless syllables against Jared's ear as they both fell apart.
He wasn't sure how long it was before Jared's weight started to feel uncomfortable on top of him, come drying between them, but he shoved him a little, finally.
"Get off me, I still need to cook."
"I dunno if I can move," Jared said, sounding kind of dazed and blissed out.
"How long's it been since you got laid?"
"You don't wanna know. Okay, you probably do, but I don't want to have to kill you for making fun of me. Kids are the world's most effective cockblock."
Jensen managed to wrestle his way out from under Jared, laughing at Jared's small protesting noise. "Well, you can get it any time you want, you know," he pointed out kicking his jeans off fully but pulling his boxers up.
Jared sat up and grinned. "Yeah?"
Jensen snorted. "For the last two months, yeah."
Jared laughed. "So we've got some catching up to do."
"After dinner. I know you need to recharge."
"You're so good to me."
"Damn straight," Jensen shot back. Then, "Just so you know, I'm totally in love with you."
He didn't look at Jared, but he wasn't worried. He'd never been less worried in his life, he didn't think.
"Me too," he heard Jared say softly. Then, louder, "So, we're doing this?"
And that was an easy one. "Yeah. We're doing this."