(no subject)
still wearing my slippers (and eat all the candies at home)
hardison/parker, 500 words, G
minor spoilers for 109
The first day, he brings sandwiches.
"What are these?"
"See, this is a Ruben," he says, putting down the plate. "Corned beef? Rye bread? Sauerkraut? It's a good time on toast."
"Why is it here?"
"You eat fortune cookies for breakfast," he says. "Someone's gotta take care of you."
*
The second day, he brings soda and microwave popcorn.
"See, this is easy. You can do this yourself, no problem. You get it without salt, it's pretty healthy."
"Soda isn't healthy."
"Naw, see, this is Jones. Way better than that corporate shit. This's okay."
They drink soda and eat popcorn and watch Mission Impossible.
It's completely unrealistic, and she doesn't mind.
*
The third day, he brings a chicken.
"This is dead," she says.
"Yeah, we're gonna start small, no butchering your own meat yet."
"Why did you bring me a dead bird."
"So we can cook it. See, that's how food happens. You take dead stuff and cook it and eat it."
"Why are you cooking a chicken."
"Someone's gotta take care of you," he says again. "Okay, where's your oven?"
She points to the microwave.
"No, like, a real oven."
"I have a hot plate."
"Okay, next time? We're doing this at my place."
*
The fourth day, he takes her shopping.
"This is a shopping list," he tells her. He's written a lot of things on it; fortune cookies is one of them.
"I know what a shopping list is," she says. "I had parents."
"Well, you need a refresher course. Lucky you got me."
"Yes," she says. "Lucky."
*
The fifth day, he orders a pizza.
"See, sometimes, you don't even have to cook. You got a computer?"
"Of course I have a computer."
"Okay, good. See, this is Grub Hub. Grub Hub is gonna get you food."
"Food costs money," she says.
"Yeah, but it pays for itself."
"No, it doesn't."
"It pays with you not dying. Or getting scurvy. You want scurvy?"
"I've been drinking the soda," she says. "It has vitamin C."
He grins. "Exactly."
*
The sixth day, he brings her Cheerios.
When she pours them into her bowl, fortunes come out with them.
Your life will be happy and peaceful.
Happy news is on its way to you.
The time is right to make new friends.
Fame, riches and romance are yours for the asking.
Love is for the lucky and the brave.
She eats the whole box.
*
The seventh day, she goes to his house, and he shows her how to make lasagna.
"I'm never going to do this," she says.
"That's why I'm here," he says.
*
The eighth day, he brings sandwiches again.
"You did this before," she says.
"I'm going to run out of ideas," he says. "So I thought Monday could be sandwich day."
"Is Wednesday chicken day?"
"Do you want it to be?"
"No."
"Then it's not."
She considers. "Thursday is shopping day."
His grin is slow, but it comes, as if it was unsure at first. It shouldn't have been.
"All right," he says. "Thursday is shopping day."
"Someone has to take care of me," she says.
"Yeah. Someone does."
hardison/parker, 500 words, G
minor spoilers for 109
The first day, he brings sandwiches.
"What are these?"
"See, this is a Ruben," he says, putting down the plate. "Corned beef? Rye bread? Sauerkraut? It's a good time on toast."
"Why is it here?"
"You eat fortune cookies for breakfast," he says. "Someone's gotta take care of you."
*
The second day, he brings soda and microwave popcorn.
"See, this is easy. You can do this yourself, no problem. You get it without salt, it's pretty healthy."
"Soda isn't healthy."
"Naw, see, this is Jones. Way better than that corporate shit. This's okay."
They drink soda and eat popcorn and watch Mission Impossible.
It's completely unrealistic, and she doesn't mind.
*
The third day, he brings a chicken.
"This is dead," she says.
"Yeah, we're gonna start small, no butchering your own meat yet."
"Why did you bring me a dead bird."
"So we can cook it. See, that's how food happens. You take dead stuff and cook it and eat it."
"Why are you cooking a chicken."
"Someone's gotta take care of you," he says again. "Okay, where's your oven?"
She points to the microwave.
"No, like, a real oven."
"I have a hot plate."
"Okay, next time? We're doing this at my place."
*
The fourth day, he takes her shopping.
"This is a shopping list," he tells her. He's written a lot of things on it; fortune cookies is one of them.
"I know what a shopping list is," she says. "I had parents."
"Well, you need a refresher course. Lucky you got me."
"Yes," she says. "Lucky."
*
The fifth day, he orders a pizza.
"See, sometimes, you don't even have to cook. You got a computer?"
"Of course I have a computer."
"Okay, good. See, this is Grub Hub. Grub Hub is gonna get you food."
"Food costs money," she says.
"Yeah, but it pays for itself."
"No, it doesn't."
"It pays with you not dying. Or getting scurvy. You want scurvy?"
"I've been drinking the soda," she says. "It has vitamin C."
He grins. "Exactly."
*
The sixth day, he brings her Cheerios.
When she pours them into her bowl, fortunes come out with them.
Your life will be happy and peaceful.
Happy news is on its way to you.
The time is right to make new friends.
Fame, riches and romance are yours for the asking.
Love is for the lucky and the brave.
She eats the whole box.
*
The seventh day, she goes to his house, and he shows her how to make lasagna.
"I'm never going to do this," she says.
"That's why I'm here," he says.
*
The eighth day, he brings sandwiches again.
"You did this before," she says.
"I'm going to run out of ideas," he says. "So I thought Monday could be sandwich day."
"Is Wednesday chicken day?"
"Do you want it to be?"
"No."
"Then it's not."
She considers. "Thursday is shopping day."
His grin is slow, but it comes, as if it was unsure at first. It shouldn't have been.
"All right," he says. "Thursday is shopping day."
"Someone has to take care of me," she says.
"Yeah. Someone does."