Fanfic: Principles, Chapter III (WIP) (Jalex)
I wanted to post this a couple days ago, but I was busy. Not much Jalex interaction, but the next few chapters definitely have a lot of it. Public for two weeks again, and soon I'll post a link to this story's location on FF.net. Otherwise, there's a link to my FF.net account in my profile.
Please enjoy. Reviews are always appreciated. :D
Title: Principles, Chapter III
Rating: T
Pairing: Pre-Justin/Alex
Warning: Thoughts of incest.
Summary: Justin seeks advice from his best friend. Jalex eventually.
Word Count: 1,399
Disclaimer: I still don’t own WOWP. It won’t change.
At lunch, Justin is kicking himself for not having eaten breakfast because he feels even worse, with both a stomachache and headache. He consumes his sandwich so fast that Zeke’s wide eyes across from him indicate the doubt of whether he chewed his food, or merely dislocated his jaw like a serpent.
“What’s up? Did you actually run in Gym today?” Zeke asks.
“No. We played basketball, and I got hit in the head a lot. Though I think that was on purpose. I just wasn’t in the mood to eat this morning.” Of course Justin doesn’t mention why, because even if Zeke is his best friend, he’d never understand Justin’s feelings. Though he doesn’t necessarily have to be straightforward about it. . . . Justin takes a big gulp of soda, trying to work up the nerve to be direct as possible, without giving too many details.
He’s nervous and feels awkward because he can see Alex from the corner of his eye, sitting at a distant table. She’s probably not thinking about him -- as if he would honestly expect her to? -- which only makes him feel worse for not being able to get images of her from that morning out of his head.
But Justin can’t continue like this, so he asks, “Hey, Zeke, have you ever been, well, attracted to someone you shouldn’t be?”
“You mean like Gigi?”
Justin nearly snorts his next sip of soda up his nose. Once he’s finished choking, Zeke smiles.
“I was just kidding, man. She’s hot and all, but I’m pretty sure no one can be attracted to such a nasty personality.”
“Right. . . .”
“So who? Is it a guy? ‘Cause if so, I think that’s pretty norm--”
“It’s not a guy, Zeke.” It’s someone much worse goes unsaid. Justin hesitates before continuing. “I see this girl everyday, and I -- I was never attracted to her before, you know? But now, I just can’t stop thinking about her in totally inappropriate ways.”
“Is it that girl who always hangs out with your sister? What’s her name? Harper?” Zeke’s still encouragingly smiling, and Justin wishes he could just say yes. That it’s his sister’s best friend, and not his sister.
Instead, he says, “It’s not her either. Just tell me how I can stop thinking about this girl. There’s got to be some way. I mean, it all started because of something my mom said, so there’s got to be a way to undo the attraction, right?”
“I don’t know, man. I don’t think you can just be attracted to someone because your mom said something,” Zeke says, pausing to swallow his macaroni salad. “You had to have already been attracted to this girl, and you only noticed now because it was brought to your attention.”
That idea frightens and sickens Justin even more, making him wish he hadn’t eaten so much as his stomach churns.
“You’re looking kind of green,” Zeke says, trying not to be obvious about scooting out of projectile vomit range. “If you really want to put an end to the attraction, you can try something like cognitive therapy. Just change the way your brain works, and it’s simple.”
“Yeah, simple,” Justin mutters, already pondering if it could work. Anything would be worth trying if it meant he could stop thinking about Alex in such an abominable way. So he wouldn’t feel so repulsive and absolutely detest himself for looking at his sister the way any other man would. Because he’s not any other man; he’s her brother -- the guy who always protects her, digs her out of trouble, and teases her, gets teased in return, and at the end of the day, just wants the best for her.
And the best for Alex is definitely not Justin. You bring out the best in each other echoes in his mind, and somewhere inside himself, he wants to think it’s true. He and Alex are really nothing alike, and they constantly get on each other’s nerves, but when it comes to family, they would both do whatever it takes to protect the people they love. Justin still remembers using magic against Professor Crumbs to keep Alex from having her powers taken away, and he has never once regretted it. What Justin does regret is losing control of his feelings for Alex.
Even if she won’t admit it, she looks up to Justin as her big brother. She criticizes him for being too smart, and he criticizes her for being so rebellious, yet those qualities are the same ones they both admire and are proud of in each other. That’s normal. It’s not normal, however, to be physically attracted to your sister, especially when it begins to affect your relationship with her. And Justin doesn’t want his relationship with Alex to change. He enjoys their playful banter, being able to exchange advice, being able to look at her without wanting to do something deplorable.
Though Justin’s thoughts have run away with him again, Zeke hasn’t given up on the conversation.
“Oh, is it your cousin or something?” he asks. “‘Cause I hear that’s normal too. Did you know that in Japan, first cousins can get married? It’s outrageous, right? Cutting it close, I mean.”
No, cutting it close would be marrying your sibling. Not that Justin wants to marry Alex. He knows she’d just be a pain in his ass -- not that she isn’t already, but it’d be different. She would nag him about cooking and cleaning because she would never do it herself, she would hog the television like always, and take up all the space on the couch until she’s partly laying on him, and. . .exactly when did Justin even begin to think it would be all right to consider marriage with Alex?
It’s not even that it would never happen, but that it can’t happen. Justin doesn’t believe how far from the normal track his mind has derailed, and it’s really upsetting. He’s supposed to be the “good” child, the one who gets excellent grades, and wants to attend a decent college to be a robotics engineer. But the way Justin feels now, it’s like he might as well have no future if he can’t focus on anything but Alex.
If only his mother hadn’t mentioned her fear of something strange between the two of them, then everything would still be normal, and Justin wouldn’t feel like there’s a heart attack waiting to debilitate him every time he sees his sister. Or not. . . . He has to stop blaming Theresa because maybe Zeke’s right. Justin’s always known Alex is beautiful, so maybe it wasn’t that difficult to bring out some hidden attraction to her. If it hadn’t been his mother’s talk with him, maybe there would have been another trigger. It’s revolting to think he’s corrupt enough to actually have some inclination toward his own sister, when he can barely even get a proper date with a girl.
Justin’s eyes are drawn to Alex, where she’s obviously laughing loudly and obnoxiously, and all he wants is to be able to hear her. He wants to be in Harper’s seat, joking and having a good time with her, even though they’ve never eaten lunch at school together. It would be too weird and revealing for him to do so all of a sudden, right? Plus, he’d want to hold her hand or something, like her boyfriend would do, and that’s just not healthy.
Whatever the cause of his sudden attraction to Alex, Justin knows it has to end. He can’t afford to be the kind of guy who screws up his entire life because of some confusion of his affection. He can’t continue on this path that will only destroy him from the inside out. As the lunch bell rings, Justin’s decided that after school, he’ll look up all the therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists that he can find around the neighboring areas. He wouldn’t dare go to anyone in Waverly Place because that would just be too close to home. His problem is already in the home, so he needs to find his help away from anyone that he may know, anyone that may know him or Alex. He has to find his help away from Alex most of all, otherwise Justin might very well lose himself.