Glee fic - Courage to Take Control: Part 2 of ? (10ish I think)
Media: Fic
Type: Multi-Part
Title: Courage to Take Control: 2 of ? (10ish)
Rating: R
Word Count: 2,507 (this part)
Genre: General, Drama, Romantic bits
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine established and the focus; but most characters turn up as an ensemble
Spoilers: Nope - although obviously we’re in between s2 and s3. Suspect this might be AUish once s3 starts.
Warning: Nah I don’t reckon.
Disclaimer: I’m borrowing all the characters and universe of Glee. They’re not mine, but I’m grateful to have a little play-time with them J
Summary: Blaine wants to transfer to McKinley for senior year. Kurt, of all people, is against it. This chapter, pros and cons are discussed - it’s *almost* an argument.
[Chapter 1]
--------------------Chapter 2
“What?!” Kurt gasped, “No!” He exclaimed before he could stop himself. As soon as he’d done so, he clamped his hand over his mouth, eyes wide with the shock of his reaction - not even he had expected he would be so instantly against the idea of Blaine transferring to McKinley.
They both sat up on the bed and looked at each other carefully for a moment, trying to understand what was going on. Kurt’s hand was still over his mouth but the look on Blaine’s face made him soften. Blaine looked haunted. Even though he’d sat up on the bed, his shoulders were slumped. He was looked down, tracing a finger in a slow figure eight for no particular reason.
“And here I thought the really difficult conversation was going to be with my parents,” Blaine said quietly, swallowing slowly. “I guess I can understand if you don’t want me crowding you at McKinley… I just… I thought you missed having classes together like I did after you left.” Blaine looked up to meet Kurt’s eyes, fearful of what he would see.
Kurt took Blaine’s hand in his instantly, embarrassed at how his initial reaction had sounded. “No Blaine, it’s not that - god of course I miss having classes together. Every minute I’m not with you I miss you… can I say again how hard these last three weeks were with you away!? There is not enough facebook, skype, twitter, tumblr or whatever to substitute for you and me together… right here.”
“But?” Blaine said, and squeezed hard at Kurt’s hand.
“But… I guess just don’t understand Blaine,” Kurt tried to organise his thoughts, unsure himself, “and I don’t want you to transfer just to be with me… it’s not romantic - it’s stupid. We would be fine going to different schools: they’re not that far away, we always see each other after school and on weekends…”
“That’s not really why I want to transfer,” Blaine said quickly. “I mean, yeah sure being able to spend more time with you would be a definite perk, and makes it easy to choose McKinley as the public school I want to go to, but it’s not why. I want to go there.”
“Then why?” Kurt let the question hang there, but Blaine didn’t respond. “Blaine this is a hell of a way to rebel against your father,” Kurt said. “I know you guys don’t have the best history - and after meeting him last month I can see how stand-offish and rigid and, yes, judgemental he can be…”
Kurt thought back to that awkward meeting. He’d pushed Blaine into it, which probably wasn’t very fair; but he felt that if he was going to understand Blaine and especially how Blaine seemed so afraid of himself at times, then he needed to meet the family and see for himself the dynamic. Blaine had agreed readily enough to the meeting - but he’d been incredibly nervous about it.
The plan was for an early meal with Blaine’s parents before Kurt and Blaine would go out to the local theatre production of Much Ado About Nothing. Kurt had been ok with a shorter meet and greet, but Blaine’s mom had insisted when Blaine asked about meeting Kurt that they “do it properly”.
Both Blaine’s parents had been on their best behaviour, Kurt could tell. His Mom made quite the show of complimenting Kurt’s outfit (olive-green light jacket paired with skinny jeans), and had asked lots of questions about his life, friends, experience at Dalton, how things were back at McKinley etc. Kurt suspected that she was tyring to avoid an awkward silence with the frenzied conversation, for which he was quietly grateful.
Blaine’s father had arrived home about 15 minutes after Kurt had arrived. He was the perfect, proper gentleman, shaking Kurt’s hand solemnly and expressing what a pleasure it was to meet him. It was at this point in the evening that Kurt had noticed the stress really appear on Blaine’s face and in his demeanour. Blaine had been tense all day, which was understandable, but now he looked as if he felt vaguely ill, and Kurt could see small beads of sweat collected at the back of his head near the collar of his deep blue polo shirt. He had wanted to reach out and squeeze Blaine’s hand as they sat on the stiff lounges in the sitting room, but didn’t want to risk making an awkward situation into an antagonistic one. He just didn’t know what would happen yet.
The interesting thing was, though, that everything Blaine’s father said and did - while Kurt was there at least - seemed to show nothing but love for and genuine acceptance of Blaine; and of Blaine and Kurt. It was a restrained love, sure, but there was no denying that Mr Anderson loved his son. Mr Anderson didn’t outright ask what Kurt’s “intentions” towards his son was at that meeting, but he may as well have by the way the conversation went - from why Kurt went to and then left Dalton, what his impressions were of Dalton, what his plans were for the future. Blaine’s father had also spoken at length about the benefits of Dalton, and how good it had been for Blaine; in the context of the no-bullying policy, sure, but especially in terms of its academic and alumni advantages. The conversation had been clinical, and Mr Anderson’s tone distant - as if he were talking about clients, not his family - but Kurt didn’t think he was faking that the wanted the best for his son.
Kurt learned through this meeting and further conversations with Blaine that the tensions between Blaine and his father were more to with the expectation that Blaine would take those opportunities afforded to him, and not any disappointment with Blaine’s life to date - sexuality included. Blaine’s father appeared judgemental - and almost certainly was - but Kurt could see that he did love and accept his son; and would probably continue to do so. The real problem, Kurt suspected, was that Blaine just wanted his father to seem less like they were business colleagues or golfing acquaintances. There was no affection displayed between them, no pat on the back or squeeze of the arm in passing, not even really any warm smiles across the dinner table. It was a cold house even though even in winter Kurt was sure the central heating kept the temperature in T-shirt and shorts territory.
As a result, Kurt figured Blaine felt he was missing out on something. In a way, of course he was. It was amazing that someone as warm, loving, emotional and romantic as Blaine had grown up in a house like his. The important thing - and this was something Kurt reminded Blaine of frequently - was that Blaine was Blaine, no matter what his parents were like; and the world was a better place for it.
So Kurt knew about the strange tension in Blaine’s family - about the mismatch between the personalities and Blaine’s wish that his father could return the affection he desperately wanted to show him in kind. But that didn’t mean his father didn’t care. And it didn’t mean that Dalton wasn’t the right place for Blaine. Kurt tried to explain as much to Blaine as they sat there on his bed.
“…I know it isn’t easy between you two,” Kurt continued, trying not to be patronising, “but your Dad’s right that Dalton will give you an amazing head start in life - and the power to do almost anything you want. And you don’t have to lose me or who you are to do it. No one could take that away from you; they haven’t yet and they won’t be able to.”
“This isn’t about rebelling,” Blaine said slowly, “it’s about being in control of my life. Do you get what I mean?” His eyes were becoming shiny. He just wanted Kurt to understand him, say he supported him, and be there for him as he got to the more difficult conversation with his parents.
“Explain it to me, my love,” Kurt said, bringing a hand up to cup Blaine’s face, his thumb brushing away the beginnings of a tear from Blaine’s eye.
“Ok, well, let me ask you this - what was your first impression of Dalton, really?” Blaine asked.
“What, apart from the fact that it had the most handsome and talented person I’d ever met in my life in it?” Kurt said with a smile. “To be honest, it seemed too good to be true. Like everything was suddenly easy. Perfect.”
“Exactly.” Blaine said with satisfaction. “And it really is like that, right? They think of everything before the students can; have the answers ready for them or at least have the tools for the students to find the answers - in this controlled, safe environment.”
“What’s wrong with that?” Kurt asked.
“Nothing I guess in a high school,” Blaine said, “but it doesn’t stop when you leave Dalton, Kurt. Most Dalton graduates go to the top schools, because their fathers or uncles went there, and then end up in the most prestigious parts of their chosen professions. Dalton opens doors and keeps them open, with a moving walkway for the students to stand on all the way through just so they don’t even have to make the effort to walk.”
“And you don’t think you deserve that?” Kurt asked, his voice rising slightly. “I mean sure, it’s completely unfair that just because people have money they should have all this opportunity - but you shouldn’t feel guilty about that - you deserve every good thing that ever happens to you.”
“It’s not that I feel guilty, per se,” Blaine said, looking up for a moment before meeting Kurt’s eye again. “It’s just suffocating - and it’s not my life. I don’t want to stand on a moving walkway throughout my life, just going where I’m meant to go, doing what I’m meant to do. It’s not life; it’s not the real world. It’s like this weird alternate universe where everything’s ok all the time.”
“What makes you think the real world is so fantastic?” Kurt asked. “There is no automatic acceptance in the real world. People aren’t polite or courteous; they don’t accept others for who they are. What’s wrong with a place like Dalton where everyone does?”
“It’s just that,” Blaine emphasised the word. “It’s that the real world is not like Dalton. I know already that I won’t - I can’t - follow in all the other Dalton alum footsteps and just do what’s expected. And if I’m not going to forge my own path, I’m going to have to be in the real world. So I need to get back in the real world as soon as possible - I need to start to learn how to deal with it how rather than continue running away. Dalton has given me somewhere to get the confidence in myself to be able to take some knocks, but I need to move onto the next step and stand up for myself in the real world.” He paused, hesitant to bring up McKinley again. “That’s why I want to come to McKinley. It’s like halfway. You’ve been through so much there Kurt - and it’s so far from perfect - but it’s a start; and you’re there to face it all with me.”
“You’ve really made up your mind on this, haven’t you?” Kurt sighed a little as he spoke the words. His mind had started reeling at the real possibility that Blaine could end up at McKinley at the start of the school year. The idea was exciting and terrifying all at once. What if he was bullied again? What if he wasn’t strong enough to take all the shit from the other students? What if his addition to New Directions upset the already delicate balance? Rachel would be thrilled of course; and when she was thrilled the most destructive plans were usually formed in that head of hers.
“Yeah I think so,” Blaine said, his voice more sure than it had been at any other point in the conversation. “I know McKinley isn’t the best school in the world; but it’s not that bad either - I mean Quinn’s family runs in the same circles as mine - at least when her parents were still together they did - and she never went to private school, right? I know I’d have to commute a bit but it wasn’t that bad when you did it for Dalton, right? And as much as the idea of being with you every day is a definite perk, it is not why I’m doing this Kurt. I’m doing this because I need to take control of my own life. I’m doing this because you’ve made me realise what my life can be like if I listen to and follow my instincts. When I first met you my instincts said I wanted to be close to you, spend time with you. For ages I didn’t listen to those instincts properly and I think that’s why it took me so long to realise how crazy I was about you; that I was falling in love with you. It nearly cost me my happiness. I’m not going to make that mistake again. I’m going to take control of my life. I’m going to face my fears and come back to the real world. I’m just really lucky that I get to do it with you at my side.”
Kurt just closed his eyes and nodded. He wasn’t convinced it was a great idea, but he also realised there was no point getting into an argument with Blaine about it now. When he opened his eyes again, he smiled at a worried-looking Blaine, and leaned in to give him a long, soft kiss.
“I’ll always be at your side,” he said softly as they pulled back from each other a bit, hearing the front door unlock, followed by the tell-tale clumping of Finn blustering through it. “But let’s talk about this again before we do anything? You’ve just had three tense and isolating weeks with your father, away from all the good things in your life such as me, the Warblers, your other friends. Maybe you need some perspective?”
Blaine just shook his head. “No, Kurt. I’m doing this. And I’m going to talk to my father tonight.” He shifted back and stood up from the bed. “I love you. So. Much. And I know you’ll support me and understand me in my decision here.”
Before Kurt could respond, Blaine had turned around and headed out the door. Kurt heard him greet Finn quickly before the sound of the front door closing reached his ears, followed by the familiar whine of Blaine’s car as it started and drove off down the street.
“I love you too,” Kurt said to the empty room, flumping backwards onto his bed again and looking at the ceiling, “and I’ll support you in this, but I’m really not sure it’s a good idea.”
-------------------- [Chapter 3]
Author’s Note: Next time we meet the Andersons… and then we’re really off and running with the plan.
Type: Multi-Part
Title: Courage to Take Control: 2 of ? (10ish)
Rating: R
Word Count: 2,507 (this part)
Genre: General, Drama, Romantic bits
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine established and the focus; but most characters turn up as an ensemble
Spoilers: Nope - although obviously we’re in between s2 and s3. Suspect this might be AUish once s3 starts.
Warning: Nah I don’t reckon.
Disclaimer: I’m borrowing all the characters and universe of Glee. They’re not mine, but I’m grateful to have a little play-time with them J
Summary: Blaine wants to transfer to McKinley for senior year. Kurt, of all people, is against it. This chapter, pros and cons are discussed - it’s *almost* an argument.
[Chapter 1]
--------------------Chapter 2
“What?!” Kurt gasped, “No!” He exclaimed before he could stop himself. As soon as he’d done so, he clamped his hand over his mouth, eyes wide with the shock of his reaction - not even he had expected he would be so instantly against the idea of Blaine transferring to McKinley.
They both sat up on the bed and looked at each other carefully for a moment, trying to understand what was going on. Kurt’s hand was still over his mouth but the look on Blaine’s face made him soften. Blaine looked haunted. Even though he’d sat up on the bed, his shoulders were slumped. He was looked down, tracing a finger in a slow figure eight for no particular reason.
“And here I thought the really difficult conversation was going to be with my parents,” Blaine said quietly, swallowing slowly. “I guess I can understand if you don’t want me crowding you at McKinley… I just… I thought you missed having classes together like I did after you left.” Blaine looked up to meet Kurt’s eyes, fearful of what he would see.
Kurt took Blaine’s hand in his instantly, embarrassed at how his initial reaction had sounded. “No Blaine, it’s not that - god of course I miss having classes together. Every minute I’m not with you I miss you… can I say again how hard these last three weeks were with you away!? There is not enough facebook, skype, twitter, tumblr or whatever to substitute for you and me together… right here.”
“But?” Blaine said, and squeezed hard at Kurt’s hand.
“But… I guess just don’t understand Blaine,” Kurt tried to organise his thoughts, unsure himself, “and I don’t want you to transfer just to be with me… it’s not romantic - it’s stupid. We would be fine going to different schools: they’re not that far away, we always see each other after school and on weekends…”
“That’s not really why I want to transfer,” Blaine said quickly. “I mean, yeah sure being able to spend more time with you would be a definite perk, and makes it easy to choose McKinley as the public school I want to go to, but it’s not why. I want to go there.”
“Then why?” Kurt let the question hang there, but Blaine didn’t respond. “Blaine this is a hell of a way to rebel against your father,” Kurt said. “I know you guys don’t have the best history - and after meeting him last month I can see how stand-offish and rigid and, yes, judgemental he can be…”
Kurt thought back to that awkward meeting. He’d pushed Blaine into it, which probably wasn’t very fair; but he felt that if he was going to understand Blaine and especially how Blaine seemed so afraid of himself at times, then he needed to meet the family and see for himself the dynamic. Blaine had agreed readily enough to the meeting - but he’d been incredibly nervous about it.
The plan was for an early meal with Blaine’s parents before Kurt and Blaine would go out to the local theatre production of Much Ado About Nothing. Kurt had been ok with a shorter meet and greet, but Blaine’s mom had insisted when Blaine asked about meeting Kurt that they “do it properly”.
Both Blaine’s parents had been on their best behaviour, Kurt could tell. His Mom made quite the show of complimenting Kurt’s outfit (olive-green light jacket paired with skinny jeans), and had asked lots of questions about his life, friends, experience at Dalton, how things were back at McKinley etc. Kurt suspected that she was tyring to avoid an awkward silence with the frenzied conversation, for which he was quietly grateful.
Blaine’s father had arrived home about 15 minutes after Kurt had arrived. He was the perfect, proper gentleman, shaking Kurt’s hand solemnly and expressing what a pleasure it was to meet him. It was at this point in the evening that Kurt had noticed the stress really appear on Blaine’s face and in his demeanour. Blaine had been tense all day, which was understandable, but now he looked as if he felt vaguely ill, and Kurt could see small beads of sweat collected at the back of his head near the collar of his deep blue polo shirt. He had wanted to reach out and squeeze Blaine’s hand as they sat on the stiff lounges in the sitting room, but didn’t want to risk making an awkward situation into an antagonistic one. He just didn’t know what would happen yet.
The interesting thing was, though, that everything Blaine’s father said and did - while Kurt was there at least - seemed to show nothing but love for and genuine acceptance of Blaine; and of Blaine and Kurt. It was a restrained love, sure, but there was no denying that Mr Anderson loved his son. Mr Anderson didn’t outright ask what Kurt’s “intentions” towards his son was at that meeting, but he may as well have by the way the conversation went - from why Kurt went to and then left Dalton, what his impressions were of Dalton, what his plans were for the future. Blaine’s father had also spoken at length about the benefits of Dalton, and how good it had been for Blaine; in the context of the no-bullying policy, sure, but especially in terms of its academic and alumni advantages. The conversation had been clinical, and Mr Anderson’s tone distant - as if he were talking about clients, not his family - but Kurt didn’t think he was faking that the wanted the best for his son.
Kurt learned through this meeting and further conversations with Blaine that the tensions between Blaine and his father were more to with the expectation that Blaine would take those opportunities afforded to him, and not any disappointment with Blaine’s life to date - sexuality included. Blaine’s father appeared judgemental - and almost certainly was - but Kurt could see that he did love and accept his son; and would probably continue to do so. The real problem, Kurt suspected, was that Blaine just wanted his father to seem less like they were business colleagues or golfing acquaintances. There was no affection displayed between them, no pat on the back or squeeze of the arm in passing, not even really any warm smiles across the dinner table. It was a cold house even though even in winter Kurt was sure the central heating kept the temperature in T-shirt and shorts territory.
As a result, Kurt figured Blaine felt he was missing out on something. In a way, of course he was. It was amazing that someone as warm, loving, emotional and romantic as Blaine had grown up in a house like his. The important thing - and this was something Kurt reminded Blaine of frequently - was that Blaine was Blaine, no matter what his parents were like; and the world was a better place for it.
So Kurt knew about the strange tension in Blaine’s family - about the mismatch between the personalities and Blaine’s wish that his father could return the affection he desperately wanted to show him in kind. But that didn’t mean his father didn’t care. And it didn’t mean that Dalton wasn’t the right place for Blaine. Kurt tried to explain as much to Blaine as they sat there on his bed.
“…I know it isn’t easy between you two,” Kurt continued, trying not to be patronising, “but your Dad’s right that Dalton will give you an amazing head start in life - and the power to do almost anything you want. And you don’t have to lose me or who you are to do it. No one could take that away from you; they haven’t yet and they won’t be able to.”
“This isn’t about rebelling,” Blaine said slowly, “it’s about being in control of my life. Do you get what I mean?” His eyes were becoming shiny. He just wanted Kurt to understand him, say he supported him, and be there for him as he got to the more difficult conversation with his parents.
“Explain it to me, my love,” Kurt said, bringing a hand up to cup Blaine’s face, his thumb brushing away the beginnings of a tear from Blaine’s eye.
“Ok, well, let me ask you this - what was your first impression of Dalton, really?” Blaine asked.
“What, apart from the fact that it had the most handsome and talented person I’d ever met in my life in it?” Kurt said with a smile. “To be honest, it seemed too good to be true. Like everything was suddenly easy. Perfect.”
“Exactly.” Blaine said with satisfaction. “And it really is like that, right? They think of everything before the students can; have the answers ready for them or at least have the tools for the students to find the answers - in this controlled, safe environment.”
“What’s wrong with that?” Kurt asked.
“Nothing I guess in a high school,” Blaine said, “but it doesn’t stop when you leave Dalton, Kurt. Most Dalton graduates go to the top schools, because their fathers or uncles went there, and then end up in the most prestigious parts of their chosen professions. Dalton opens doors and keeps them open, with a moving walkway for the students to stand on all the way through just so they don’t even have to make the effort to walk.”
“And you don’t think you deserve that?” Kurt asked, his voice rising slightly. “I mean sure, it’s completely unfair that just because people have money they should have all this opportunity - but you shouldn’t feel guilty about that - you deserve every good thing that ever happens to you.”
“It’s not that I feel guilty, per se,” Blaine said, looking up for a moment before meeting Kurt’s eye again. “It’s just suffocating - and it’s not my life. I don’t want to stand on a moving walkway throughout my life, just going where I’m meant to go, doing what I’m meant to do. It’s not life; it’s not the real world. It’s like this weird alternate universe where everything’s ok all the time.”
“What makes you think the real world is so fantastic?” Kurt asked. “There is no automatic acceptance in the real world. People aren’t polite or courteous; they don’t accept others for who they are. What’s wrong with a place like Dalton where everyone does?”
“It’s just that,” Blaine emphasised the word. “It’s that the real world is not like Dalton. I know already that I won’t - I can’t - follow in all the other Dalton alum footsteps and just do what’s expected. And if I’m not going to forge my own path, I’m going to have to be in the real world. So I need to get back in the real world as soon as possible - I need to start to learn how to deal with it how rather than continue running away. Dalton has given me somewhere to get the confidence in myself to be able to take some knocks, but I need to move onto the next step and stand up for myself in the real world.” He paused, hesitant to bring up McKinley again. “That’s why I want to come to McKinley. It’s like halfway. You’ve been through so much there Kurt - and it’s so far from perfect - but it’s a start; and you’re there to face it all with me.”
“You’ve really made up your mind on this, haven’t you?” Kurt sighed a little as he spoke the words. His mind had started reeling at the real possibility that Blaine could end up at McKinley at the start of the school year. The idea was exciting and terrifying all at once. What if he was bullied again? What if he wasn’t strong enough to take all the shit from the other students? What if his addition to New Directions upset the already delicate balance? Rachel would be thrilled of course; and when she was thrilled the most destructive plans were usually formed in that head of hers.
“Yeah I think so,” Blaine said, his voice more sure than it had been at any other point in the conversation. “I know McKinley isn’t the best school in the world; but it’s not that bad either - I mean Quinn’s family runs in the same circles as mine - at least when her parents were still together they did - and she never went to private school, right? I know I’d have to commute a bit but it wasn’t that bad when you did it for Dalton, right? And as much as the idea of being with you every day is a definite perk, it is not why I’m doing this Kurt. I’m doing this because I need to take control of my own life. I’m doing this because you’ve made me realise what my life can be like if I listen to and follow my instincts. When I first met you my instincts said I wanted to be close to you, spend time with you. For ages I didn’t listen to those instincts properly and I think that’s why it took me so long to realise how crazy I was about you; that I was falling in love with you. It nearly cost me my happiness. I’m not going to make that mistake again. I’m going to take control of my life. I’m going to face my fears and come back to the real world. I’m just really lucky that I get to do it with you at my side.”
Kurt just closed his eyes and nodded. He wasn’t convinced it was a great idea, but he also realised there was no point getting into an argument with Blaine about it now. When he opened his eyes again, he smiled at a worried-looking Blaine, and leaned in to give him a long, soft kiss.
“I’ll always be at your side,” he said softly as they pulled back from each other a bit, hearing the front door unlock, followed by the tell-tale clumping of Finn blustering through it. “But let’s talk about this again before we do anything? You’ve just had three tense and isolating weeks with your father, away from all the good things in your life such as me, the Warblers, your other friends. Maybe you need some perspective?”
Blaine just shook his head. “No, Kurt. I’m doing this. And I’m going to talk to my father tonight.” He shifted back and stood up from the bed. “I love you. So. Much. And I know you’ll support me and understand me in my decision here.”
Before Kurt could respond, Blaine had turned around and headed out the door. Kurt heard him greet Finn quickly before the sound of the front door closing reached his ears, followed by the familiar whine of Blaine’s car as it started and drove off down the street.
“I love you too,” Kurt said to the empty room, flumping backwards onto his bed again and looking at the ceiling, “and I’ll support you in this, but I’m really not sure it’s a good idea.”
-------------------- [Chapter 3]
Author’s Note: Next time we meet the Andersons… and then we’re really off and running with the plan.