No Suck-Related Puns, Please
Title: No Suck-Related Puns, Please
Word count: 400
Characters/pairings: eventual H/D
Rating R (?)
Challenge: nightmare girl
Disclaimer: The boys belong to JKR, even though I’m often much nicer to them than she is.
Author’s Notes: Written for dracoharry100’s current prompt, nightmare girl.
Harry came down to the Great Hall one morning from the newly-repaired Gryffindor common room, to find Ron already there and sniggering with Seamus and Dean.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
Ron’s face was flushed. “Dean reckons he was visited by the nightmare girl.”
“Lucky bastard!” Seamus gasped out, still laughing. Dean was grinning embarrassedly.
This was one of those Muggle-raised moments. “Who or what’s the nightmare girl, then?”
The boys sniggered again, sounding like fourteen-year-olds faced with Sex Ed. Ron leaned forward and spoke conspiratorially. “She’s a succubus. She comes visiting Hogwarts every few years and...” He trailed off meaningfully.
~*~
“A succubus? Like, a, a - sex demon?” Harry’s face flamed at saying the words. He wasn’t used to this sort of thing: since Ron had wanted Hermione since puberty, Harry hadn’t particularly wanted to discuss sex with him.
“Yeah. She goes around and the boys in the castle all have those dreams about her.”
“Sounds like a bad excuse dreamed up by failures like yourself to explain away wet dreams,” came a sharp voice. “How goes it with Granger of the deadbolted knickers, Weasley?”
“Piss off, Malfoy,” Seamus said. “Everybody knows you and Parkinson haven’t done it.”
Malfoy went pink.
~*~
The Gryffindors were still laughing at him when Hermione appeared and sat down beside Ron. There was a short, awkward silence while they all tried to gage if she’d overheard their discussion. Then Hermione looked straight at Malfoy and smiled sweetly. “Besides which, Ron has no need of using his new fortune to get women. Unlike some people I could mention.”
Malfoy’s face twisted, thin shoulders going stiff. “Shut up about what you don’t understand,” he spat. “Better look out. If the nightmare girl’s back, it’s so she can find an incubus.”
“Eh?”
Malfoy looked at Harry scornfully and explained.
~*~
“It’s how they mate - the succubus steals a chap’s stuff, and then the incubus makes a girl preggers with it. You’d best look out for nightmare boys.”
“Why should I?” Hermione said archly. “I’m looking at one right now.”
The boys snickered, and Malfoy flushed again, his head jerking back a bit. Defeated, he sloped off.
Harry watched him go. Malfoy had come to help rebuild Hogwarts with Pansy Parkinson. Though he didn’t curse anyone, he was incredibly obnoxious. Why had he come? It made no sense.
Harry shook his head, dismissing the thought. Malfoy was just a nightmare boy.
TBC
Word count: 400
Characters/pairings: eventual H/D
Rating R (?)
Challenge: nightmare girl
Disclaimer: The boys belong to JKR, even though I’m often much nicer to them than she is.
Author’s Notes: Written for dracoharry100’s current prompt, nightmare girl.
Harry came down to the Great Hall one morning from the newly-repaired Gryffindor common room, to find Ron already there and sniggering with Seamus and Dean.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
Ron’s face was flushed. “Dean reckons he was visited by the nightmare girl.”
“Lucky bastard!” Seamus gasped out, still laughing. Dean was grinning embarrassedly.
This was one of those Muggle-raised moments. “Who or what’s the nightmare girl, then?”
The boys sniggered again, sounding like fourteen-year-olds faced with Sex Ed. Ron leaned forward and spoke conspiratorially. “She’s a succubus. She comes visiting Hogwarts every few years and...” He trailed off meaningfully.
~*~
“A succubus? Like, a, a - sex demon?” Harry’s face flamed at saying the words. He wasn’t used to this sort of thing: since Ron had wanted Hermione since puberty, Harry hadn’t particularly wanted to discuss sex with him.
“Yeah. She goes around and the boys in the castle all have those dreams about her.”
“Sounds like a bad excuse dreamed up by failures like yourself to explain away wet dreams,” came a sharp voice. “How goes it with Granger of the deadbolted knickers, Weasley?”
“Piss off, Malfoy,” Seamus said. “Everybody knows you and Parkinson haven’t done it.”
Malfoy went pink.
~*~
The Gryffindors were still laughing at him when Hermione appeared and sat down beside Ron. There was a short, awkward silence while they all tried to gage if she’d overheard their discussion. Then Hermione looked straight at Malfoy and smiled sweetly. “Besides which, Ron has no need of using his new fortune to get women. Unlike some people I could mention.”
Malfoy’s face twisted, thin shoulders going stiff. “Shut up about what you don’t understand,” he spat. “Better look out. If the nightmare girl’s back, it’s so she can find an incubus.”
“Eh?”
Malfoy looked at Harry scornfully and explained.
~*~
“It’s how they mate - the succubus steals a chap’s stuff, and then the incubus makes a girl preggers with it. You’d best look out for nightmare boys.”
“Why should I?” Hermione said archly. “I’m looking at one right now.”
The boys snickered, and Malfoy flushed again, his head jerking back a bit. Defeated, he sloped off.
Harry watched him go. Malfoy had come to help rebuild Hogwarts with Pansy Parkinson. Though he didn’t curse anyone, he was incredibly obnoxious. Why had he come? It made no sense.
Harry shook his head, dismissing the thought. Malfoy was just a nightmare boy.
TBC