100+ pictures later, here's the spam!
Argentina 0 -- 4 Deutschland
So, I don't know if you know this but the Germans kicked Argentina to the curb today, and by kick to the curb I mean demolitioned derby'd like it was no big deal.
And this is the team that did it. No stand out stars, no features in any commercials, just eleven unselfish men whose dedication and concentration continued Germany's run in the World Cup.
This picture spam was also brought to you by poptastiche !
So I woke up bright and early for the Argentina match, totally ready to go and not completely sure we would be able to pull through wh--
. . .
We lead Argentina in the third minute? Was this even real life?
Look at our boys taking on the current greatest player alive, look at them shutting him down, it like brings tears to my eyes? So basically I've been crying the whole time making this~
TEARS OF JOY OF COURSE!
Shut down another one of Argentina's troll down (well, besides shutting Maradona up).
There was more fantastic defending from Arne.
And soul-squeezing, sweet, sappy, excellent celebrations.
"DID YOU SEE THAT GOAL?!"
We persevered even through crap tackles (here's looking at you Masch).
And in the end there was Schweinski!
So really what more could we ask for?
Oh wait -- Miro-fucking-slav Klose?
Who is basically a legend.
His ball-handling makes me cry softly into my German national team jersey at night.
I'm just going to let the following pictures speak for themselves (because there are about 100 or so more in this spam and I am saving my stamina).
OKAY, I AM READY TO GO!
This kid is so endearing but his expression half the time reminds me of a dead fish.
Even when he's happy.
Everyone fist pumps with Poldi at some point or another. Everyone.
But the same goofy, er, uhm, expression remains!
AND AGAIN!1
But it's really okay, football isn't played with the face (unless you're Per blocking Tevez's shot).
Mueller's mouth is huge as Ozil's eyes are large. Just going to point that out.
Let us closely inspect this from about five feet away.
Yeah, I wasn't diggin' the referee's shenanigans either.
The defensive fortress that was Germany. It feels weird complimenting Germany's defense. . .I must be dreaming!
Probably a shot from one of Bastian's attempts at goal, but that didn't matter because he was just simply World Class.
Sometimes football ends up looking like an incredibly painful game of Twister.
"YOU CALLED POLDI A WHAT?!"
Bastian then schools Masch's ass-- rightfully so!
"I am just going to walk away. . ."
Tevez writhed on the ground for about five more minutes.
"bitch plz."
Bastian's got his eagle eye on you.
Also, that sure is a fantastic mullet.
I don't really understand the point of this picture, but it's kind of cool. Maybe because I'm really tired.
Setting up Arne's goal. Argentina's mind seems to be in other places at the moment.
So would mine if Bastian was coming straight at me.
That was bad.
This looks like the would be movie poster of catch me if you can.
Yes, Arne you just scored your first time ever for Germany in a World Cup quarter final against Argentina.
I reacted just like you.
Oops, these are out of order!
"You can't catch me I'm the ginger bread man!"
He really should be putting up a "1" and a "4" for 14 amazing goals scored in the World Cup.
Whatchuu gonna do about it Pele?
Look at all these saturated colors, man. Trippy!
More theatrics from Argentina, I'm calling this move the one that got him rejected from the dance team (so I guess I'm not really calling it anything except lulzy).
I think Miro and Tevez have the exact same expression here, and with a face like Tevez that's hard to do.
Miro is so talented.
This may be one of the least flattering photos I've ever seen; Heinze looks like he just got punched where it counts.
Judging by the expression you'd think he'd never seen a ball before.
His hair is forming a perfect right triangle. Also, would you look at Miro's thighs? I suppose it explains all the goals, but simultaneously it's kind of frightening.
If Lahm did track and field, he'd be doing hurdles -- just look at that form!
HANDS UP, BABY HANDS UP, GIMME YOUR HEART, GIMME, GIMME YOUR HEART!
"You want me to put the ball into the head how many times? A brace?
No problem!"
Nnnngghhh, those thighs!
Miro also pleases the fangirls by attempting to rip off Mueller's jersey.
Or is he going for the cheek pinch?
I'm not sure if this is really, really cute or just really, really creepy.
. . .Cute, I am going with cute.
"Stay right there, I'll be right back!"
"JOGI, JOGI, JOGI DID YOU SEE THAT?!"
Here's a question to ponder: who isn't taller than Lahm?
I seem to have found a worthy prospect in Piotr~
Meanwhile, Per is left all by his lonesome with no one to celebrate with.
Just kidding, the rest of the team was probably there as well.
Oh Arne, you scored your first goal ever for your country and that's nice and all but really -- WOULD IT KILL YOU TO TAKE OFF THE UNDERAMOUR!?
Butts, butts, butts!
I just love this picture to pieces!
PIECES I SAY!
Who's house?
Run's house!
Arne that is a very very bad idea! Lahm might tip over and break something!
Lahm's facial expressions are really taking away from the super cute celebration going on behind him.
LOOK HOW SMALL PIOTR APPEARS TO BE/IS!
Somewhere in the back of Lahm's mind he's going 'tha's right, you betta be proud you made me capitano', consequently his ego grows another size.
But he looks so precious and disarming!
And all of 15 years old.
Someone is absolutely drenched, and I don't think that's the Gatorade.
Well, seems as if I was proven wrong. Mario is just like "I'm glad that's not me."
I'm glad you don't have thoughts to become a defender Mario, your form is lousy enough as a striker.
Arne tries to sound out of the vuvuzeulas.
Spoiler Alert: He fails.
Bastian's chin looks like -- well, it just looks weird.
No really, I can't unsee the chin. It's honestly almost characature-like.
I feel like this picture almost doesn't belong in this spam just because it's so somber. You just creamed Argentina to a pulp Bastian, cheer up!
Or stoically pose like an action figure -- that works too!
More failed attemps to drown out the vuvuzeulas~
When will they ever learn?
Not going to lie, the back of these Germany kits look like a super hero costume design!
Fuck yeah, give yourself a round of applause Bastiano!
Or give Ozil a kiss.
BRB, FLAT-LINING.
Except I literally flatlined, and poptastiche has finished the spam for us!
these suave gentlemen.
and check out this awesome man.
keep tryin' argies, you aren't getting past the yellow duckling!
sorry about the headache per, but sacrifices must be made, and you are in the way!
YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
solid as a rock.... gets smashed direct in the face and WILL NOT BE MOVED. though he may be a bit stunned afterward...
and to add insult to injury, higuain tries to use him as a beanbag chair.
a sandwich i'd like to be between...
ahh... yeah... umm... teehee.
merte trying to cop a feel (and can you blame him?)
troche getting lost in the macho torsos of per and manu
who da man? he da man.
here comes the CB love...
here it comes...
happy CBs!
and then per looks excited that he actually gets to hug miroslav klose.
has miro realized neuer has the expression of a chucky doll?
can you feel the love? can you?
seriously... do not fuck with them. this is what they look like when they're HAPPY, after all!
manu even ventures into the crowd after the match!
awesome.
We now conclude this spam with Micha's Buzz Lightyear smile.
ALSO I AM AWARE THERE ARE REPEATS OF SOME PHOTOS BUT IF YOU DON'T LIKE SEEING THOSE AWESOME PLAYERS ONE MORE TIME YOU CAN STRAIGHT DEAL!1
(I will finish captioning once I am properly awake seeing as it's 2AM~)