Essay about the way BtVS treats the character of Xander
Attempted Rape in Buffy: Why I'm Still Pissed About Xander
A Comparison of the Events of "The Pack" and "Seeing Red" and How This Demonstrates a Typical Lack of Narrative Consequences for Xander and His Bad Behavior
So, I have Xander issues. I remember first thinking of them when I started watching the series with Season 2 in early 2004. My dear friend sainfoin_fields told me, about two discs into Season 3, that if I hadn't forgiven him by the end of "The Zeppo" for his treasonous lie about Willow's message I probably wouldn't get over it. I didn't really. Over a number of seasons I would start to forget whatever the last trespass was only to have him do some new and terrible bit of entitled bullshit. In Season 5, around the tine of "The Replacement", Xander sort of calms down and I was able to watch the last few seasons mostly in peace. (Surprisingly his complete idiocy in "Hells Bells" didn't bother me as much as I expected it to. He's screwing up his own life, Anya's too, but at least he isn't unreasonably butting into other people's affairs like he thinks he owns every woman in his life.) But still, whenever I think about the show for too long, or start doing some rewatching, I am filled with rage at his proprietary self entitled bullshit with Buffy, and Willow too to a certain extent. Perhaps the worst part though, is the way the show's narrative never makes him pay for his mistakes. In Season 7, I was thrilled to have Xander's lie about Willow's message, telling her to kick Angel's ass instead of that Willow as attempting to restore his own, brought up. However, it all comes to nothing. Absolutely nothing happens about it. It's not like it is a show that doesn't show narrative consequences either, just not for Xander. (There is a similar argument to be made for Willow getting away with things, but that would be a completely different discussion.) In the following post I will examine this by using the comparison of two similar events in the show: Spike's attempted rape of Buffy in "Seeing Red" and Xander's in "The Pack" and then discuss the difference in how the show handles them and their fallout, or lack thereof.
I will begin by briefly discussing "Seeing Red" and Spike's behavior in that episode, followed by summarizing Xander's attempt to rape Buffy in "The Pack". I can then use what happens with Spike as a baseline to measure "The Pack" and Xander's behavior against. In "Seeing Red", Spike seeks Buffy out to apologize for sleeping with Anya, something he has learned upset her, despite the fact she has ended their sexual relationship. When pressed, she admits to having feelings for him but says they are irrelevant. Thinking that their physical connection can overcome her scruples, he violently tries to force himself on her, ignoring her struggling against him and begging him to stop Suddenly, she pushes him away successfully, and realization of the horrible thing he has done dawns on his face. Horrified, Spike leaves in search of a way to change himself. In "The Pack", Xander is possessed by a hyena spirit, unlocking all his aggressor instincts. His behavior becomes increasingly violent and savage, culminating in his cornering Buffy, whom he is attracted to but is not at all interested in him. Claiming she is turned on by danger and secretly wants him, Xander uses his temporary super strength to pin her against a wall. The viewer doesn't see the end of the scene, but we do see her drag his unconscious body to the cage in the library and tell Willow she had to knock him out to stop his advances. When he is no longer possessed, Xander tells Buffy and Willow that he doesn't remember the time during his possession, but a conversation with Giles makes it clear that he is lying.
There are clearly some obvious similarities between the two events. In addition to the plain fact that it is two cases of attempted rape,the most obvious is that both men are possessed. Although the show makes it easy to forget, Xander himself reminds Buffy in "Seeing Red" that, "[Spike] doesn't have a soul, just some leash they jammed in his head" (referring to the chip the Initiate put in Spike's head that keeps him from hunting humans via pain imposed if he so much as thinks about it). He's still a vampire, which is what Xander's hyena possession seems a lot like. In addition to the aggressive factor, the way he sniffs Buffy and tells her her fear "smells good" and his cunning cruelty with Willow, first telling her what she most fears (that she disgusts him) and then telling her what she wants to hear in order to trick her into letting him out of the cage, it's all consistent with the way vampires behave in the context of the show. Spike later sniffs Willow, and the emotional manipulation is straight Angelus. He also stalks Buffy and the way the cameras film it is similar to how they'd handle a vampire hunting. Besides, the hyena possessed teens are constantly in search of still living prey to devour, especially people, just like vampires. Combine that with their super strength, and you basically have a vampire who doesn't fear sunlight. After all, that's what being a vampire is: a vicious predator in the driver's seat of your body, looking to fuck and feed, without a person's inhibitions, fears, or scruples.
When we get to the actual attempted rape, both men want Buffy to "admit" her feelings for them, making claims that she wants it. However, they are filmed very differently, Xander is definitely trying to dominate Buffy, but she seems fairly in control, telling him she doesn't want to hurt him, whereas she is terrified and begging with Spike. We see Spike push her down and ignore her tears. The scene with Xander cuts out, sparing us from having to see how he pushes Buffy to knock him out with a table. In short, "Seeing Red" is much more horrifying on screen. The show intends for us to be left with that image, in fact the show us it again, as Spike is haunted by the memory, just to make sure it is burned into our retinas.
However, when you start to think about it, the logic of your eyes does not stand up to scrutiny. Both violations are essentially the same, and if anything Xander's is less understandable. Xander obviously doesn't actually believe that Buffy wants to be with him, even in the context of the scene he mentions her feelings for Angel resentfully, hanging on to the thread of hope that she will like the new him, and his aggression. He has no reason to believe that she wants him, but he has clearly sought her out to prey on her sexually. Spike, on the other hand, has come to apologize and talk. Like Xander, he also is tired of being dismissed, as is evident when he tells Buffy "it's not just about you". However, he actually seems worried that's she's gotten injured on patrol. The assault does not seem to be premeditated in the slightest. And unlike Xander, Spike has every reason in the world to believe that Buffy does want that physical intimacy. It is her admission of such feelings that prompts him towards aggression, an aggression whose existence is in some ways validated by the fact that the two of them have been having incredibly violent aggressive sex with each other. This does not excuse his ignoring her resistance but it goes a ways towards explaining it, especially since he has just told her that "great love is wild and passionate and dangerous". Then of course, there is what we know of Spike's romantic history, his dysfunctional but strangely loving century long relationship with Drusilla, who was so mentally and emotionally damaged by what Angelus did before turning her that she associates violence and torture with love. During his brief appearance in Season 3 of the show in "Lovers Walk", he concludes that the way to win Drusilla back is to "tie her up and torture her until she likes [him] again." It's pretty easy to see where he might have gotten the idea that no is yes, no matter how messed up and incorrect that belief is. Xander has no such excuse, and the way that he talks about Buffy and Angel and himself, makes it clear that it is Xander talking, and not some outside force, although it is the possession that is leading him to express it in this way.
The way both men react after wards, also belies the way the show frames things. Spike, after he comprehends that Buffy is actually trying to escape him, stops, apologizes, and is horrified with himself. He cannot live (or un-live) with the person he is now, the person who would sexually assault the person he loves. He seeks out a solution which (if you believe that he intentionally sought to regain his soul), having watched Angel, he knows will cause him a huge amount of misery and suffering. Even if you are of the camp that thinks he intended to end his inner conflict by removing the chip from his head and becoming an active vampire again, he clearly is suffering remorse and feeling what you might call suicidal or at the very least nihilistic. Before departing he bemoans his in between state saying "It isn't supposed to be this way...It won't let me be a monster. And I can't be a man. I'm nothing." The person he is as a vampire with a chip, but not a soul, cannot go on with the knowledge that he attempted to rape Buffy. Either way, he gets his soul back, and once he does he doesn't suddenly decide that he's different now and he gets to feel okay about what he's done. He continues to feel that more penance is nessecary. On the other hand, Xander has to be knocked out in order to stop him from persisting with his sexual assault. Even once he is no longer possessed, Xander merely tries to avoid facing what he's done, lying rather than apologizing and facing the truth. However, the show lets him get away with it. Giles keeps his secret, not telling the girls that Xander wouldn't have amnesia, and the show acts like it never happens and it therefore has no impact on his relationship with either of them. Spike's assault on Buffy on the other hand costs him all of the trust and bonds he has forged in the prior two and a half years, and the fact that he has gotten himself a soul doesn't even register really to everyone in condemning him, despite the fact that they all know firsthand the absolute distinction between Angel with a soul and Angelus without one.
I am not a Spike apologist. What he does is wrong and horrifying and he deserves to pay the price and deal with the consequences. All the rationalization in the world does not make his assault okay, does not negate her cries of "please stop". Consenting to have sex with someone once, or many times, does not mean all future times. I am glad that the show had consequences for his actions and that the characters did not magically forgive and forget. At the same time, for the same reasons, I do have a problem with the lack of consequences for Xander's assault on Buffy. He is somehow excused and this major violation doesn't even make a ripple in their relationship or the way the other characters or the show sees him. He's still supposed to be a "nice guy". I don't have amnesia though, so I haven't forgotten that he wanted to rape Buffy, regardless of whether he'd ever do it under normal circumstances. It certainly isn't the last time he tries to control her life and her body. I refuse to accept the the narrative's dismissal of his violations, the way that the viewer is led away from the problem, and I don't think anyone else should allow themselves to be sidetracked either.
Thank you to sainfoin_fields for letting me traumatize her by trying to work this out at her in gchat. Without you guy, I might never find my brain power again.
A Comparison of the Events of "The Pack" and "Seeing Red" and How This Demonstrates a Typical Lack of Narrative Consequences for Xander and His Bad Behavior
So, I have Xander issues. I remember first thinking of them when I started watching the series with Season 2 in early 2004. My dear friend sainfoin_fields told me, about two discs into Season 3, that if I hadn't forgiven him by the end of "The Zeppo" for his treasonous lie about Willow's message I probably wouldn't get over it. I didn't really. Over a number of seasons I would start to forget whatever the last trespass was only to have him do some new and terrible bit of entitled bullshit. In Season 5, around the tine of "The Replacement", Xander sort of calms down and I was able to watch the last few seasons mostly in peace. (Surprisingly his complete idiocy in "Hells Bells" didn't bother me as much as I expected it to. He's screwing up his own life, Anya's too, but at least he isn't unreasonably butting into other people's affairs like he thinks he owns every woman in his life.) But still, whenever I think about the show for too long, or start doing some rewatching, I am filled with rage at his proprietary self entitled bullshit with Buffy, and Willow too to a certain extent. Perhaps the worst part though, is the way the show's narrative never makes him pay for his mistakes. In Season 7, I was thrilled to have Xander's lie about Willow's message, telling her to kick Angel's ass instead of that Willow as attempting to restore his own, brought up. However, it all comes to nothing. Absolutely nothing happens about it. It's not like it is a show that doesn't show narrative consequences either, just not for Xander. (There is a similar argument to be made for Willow getting away with things, but that would be a completely different discussion.) In the following post I will examine this by using the comparison of two similar events in the show: Spike's attempted rape of Buffy in "Seeing Red" and Xander's in "The Pack" and then discuss the difference in how the show handles them and their fallout, or lack thereof.
I will begin by briefly discussing "Seeing Red" and Spike's behavior in that episode, followed by summarizing Xander's attempt to rape Buffy in "The Pack". I can then use what happens with Spike as a baseline to measure "The Pack" and Xander's behavior against. In "Seeing Red", Spike seeks Buffy out to apologize for sleeping with Anya, something he has learned upset her, despite the fact she has ended their sexual relationship. When pressed, she admits to having feelings for him but says they are irrelevant. Thinking that their physical connection can overcome her scruples, he violently tries to force himself on her, ignoring her struggling against him and begging him to stop Suddenly, she pushes him away successfully, and realization of the horrible thing he has done dawns on his face. Horrified, Spike leaves in search of a way to change himself. In "The Pack", Xander is possessed by a hyena spirit, unlocking all his aggressor instincts. His behavior becomes increasingly violent and savage, culminating in his cornering Buffy, whom he is attracted to but is not at all interested in him. Claiming she is turned on by danger and secretly wants him, Xander uses his temporary super strength to pin her against a wall. The viewer doesn't see the end of the scene, but we do see her drag his unconscious body to the cage in the library and tell Willow she had to knock him out to stop his advances. When he is no longer possessed, Xander tells Buffy and Willow that he doesn't remember the time during his possession, but a conversation with Giles makes it clear that he is lying.
There are clearly some obvious similarities between the two events. In addition to the plain fact that it is two cases of attempted rape,the most obvious is that both men are possessed. Although the show makes it easy to forget, Xander himself reminds Buffy in "Seeing Red" that, "[Spike] doesn't have a soul, just some leash they jammed in his head" (referring to the chip the Initiate put in Spike's head that keeps him from hunting humans via pain imposed if he so much as thinks about it). He's still a vampire, which is what Xander's hyena possession seems a lot like. In addition to the aggressive factor, the way he sniffs Buffy and tells her her fear "smells good" and his cunning cruelty with Willow, first telling her what she most fears (that she disgusts him) and then telling her what she wants to hear in order to trick her into letting him out of the cage, it's all consistent with the way vampires behave in the context of the show. Spike later sniffs Willow, and the emotional manipulation is straight Angelus. He also stalks Buffy and the way the cameras film it is similar to how they'd handle a vampire hunting. Besides, the hyena possessed teens are constantly in search of still living prey to devour, especially people, just like vampires. Combine that with their super strength, and you basically have a vampire who doesn't fear sunlight. After all, that's what being a vampire is: a vicious predator in the driver's seat of your body, looking to fuck and feed, without a person's inhibitions, fears, or scruples.
When we get to the actual attempted rape, both men want Buffy to "admit" her feelings for them, making claims that she wants it. However, they are filmed very differently, Xander is definitely trying to dominate Buffy, but she seems fairly in control, telling him she doesn't want to hurt him, whereas she is terrified and begging with Spike. We see Spike push her down and ignore her tears. The scene with Xander cuts out, sparing us from having to see how he pushes Buffy to knock him out with a table. In short, "Seeing Red" is much more horrifying on screen. The show intends for us to be left with that image, in fact the show us it again, as Spike is haunted by the memory, just to make sure it is burned into our retinas.
However, when you start to think about it, the logic of your eyes does not stand up to scrutiny. Both violations are essentially the same, and if anything Xander's is less understandable. Xander obviously doesn't actually believe that Buffy wants to be with him, even in the context of the scene he mentions her feelings for Angel resentfully, hanging on to the thread of hope that she will like the new him, and his aggression. He has no reason to believe that she wants him, but he has clearly sought her out to prey on her sexually. Spike, on the other hand, has come to apologize and talk. Like Xander, he also is tired of being dismissed, as is evident when he tells Buffy "it's not just about you". However, he actually seems worried that's she's gotten injured on patrol. The assault does not seem to be premeditated in the slightest. And unlike Xander, Spike has every reason in the world to believe that Buffy does want that physical intimacy. It is her admission of such feelings that prompts him towards aggression, an aggression whose existence is in some ways validated by the fact that the two of them have been having incredibly violent aggressive sex with each other. This does not excuse his ignoring her resistance but it goes a ways towards explaining it, especially since he has just told her that "great love is wild and passionate and dangerous". Then of course, there is what we know of Spike's romantic history, his dysfunctional but strangely loving century long relationship with Drusilla, who was so mentally and emotionally damaged by what Angelus did before turning her that she associates violence and torture with love. During his brief appearance in Season 3 of the show in "Lovers Walk", he concludes that the way to win Drusilla back is to "tie her up and torture her until she likes [him] again." It's pretty easy to see where he might have gotten the idea that no is yes, no matter how messed up and incorrect that belief is. Xander has no such excuse, and the way that he talks about Buffy and Angel and himself, makes it clear that it is Xander talking, and not some outside force, although it is the possession that is leading him to express it in this way.
The way both men react after wards, also belies the way the show frames things. Spike, after he comprehends that Buffy is actually trying to escape him, stops, apologizes, and is horrified with himself. He cannot live (or un-live) with the person he is now, the person who would sexually assault the person he loves. He seeks out a solution which (if you believe that he intentionally sought to regain his soul), having watched Angel, he knows will cause him a huge amount of misery and suffering. Even if you are of the camp that thinks he intended to end his inner conflict by removing the chip from his head and becoming an active vampire again, he clearly is suffering remorse and feeling what you might call suicidal or at the very least nihilistic. Before departing he bemoans his in between state saying "It isn't supposed to be this way...It won't let me be a monster. And I can't be a man. I'm nothing." The person he is as a vampire with a chip, but not a soul, cannot go on with the knowledge that he attempted to rape Buffy. Either way, he gets his soul back, and once he does he doesn't suddenly decide that he's different now and he gets to feel okay about what he's done. He continues to feel that more penance is nessecary. On the other hand, Xander has to be knocked out in order to stop him from persisting with his sexual assault. Even once he is no longer possessed, Xander merely tries to avoid facing what he's done, lying rather than apologizing and facing the truth. However, the show lets him get away with it. Giles keeps his secret, not telling the girls that Xander wouldn't have amnesia, and the show acts like it never happens and it therefore has no impact on his relationship with either of them. Spike's assault on Buffy on the other hand costs him all of the trust and bonds he has forged in the prior two and a half years, and the fact that he has gotten himself a soul doesn't even register really to everyone in condemning him, despite the fact that they all know firsthand the absolute distinction between Angel with a soul and Angelus without one.
I am not a Spike apologist. What he does is wrong and horrifying and he deserves to pay the price and deal with the consequences. All the rationalization in the world does not make his assault okay, does not negate her cries of "please stop". Consenting to have sex with someone once, or many times, does not mean all future times. I am glad that the show had consequences for his actions and that the characters did not magically forgive and forget. At the same time, for the same reasons, I do have a problem with the lack of consequences for Xander's assault on Buffy. He is somehow excused and this major violation doesn't even make a ripple in their relationship or the way the other characters or the show sees him. He's still supposed to be a "nice guy". I don't have amnesia though, so I haven't forgotten that he wanted to rape Buffy, regardless of whether he'd ever do it under normal circumstances. It certainly isn't the last time he tries to control her life and her body. I refuse to accept the the narrative's dismissal of his violations, the way that the viewer is led away from the problem, and I don't think anyone else should allow themselves to be sidetracked either.
Thank you to sainfoin_fields for letting me traumatize her by trying to work this out at her in gchat. Without you guy, I might never find my brain power again.