Secrets In Your Eyes
Secrets In Your Eyes
Chapter 5
Chapter Wordcount: 3532
Fraser purposely waited until he could bring it up to Ray until they were driving back to the station after an uneventful outing for information. He didn’t want to potentially upset Ray before they went to question a witness, but he also didn’t want to broach the subject had said witness upset Ray to begin with. It was a delicate situation.
“Hypothetically speaking…” he started, after several minutes of berating himself to just open his mouth.
“That’s never good.”
“It can neither be good or bad if it’s merely hypothetical Ray.”
“Nothing with you is ever hypothetical Benny.”
“I beg to differ…”
“’Hypothetically speaking what happens if I jump out this window’…too late, already did…’hypothetically speaking what will happen if I chase after this speeding car’…oops, my bad, already jumped onto it,” Ray ranted, waving his hands so much Fraser was tempted to grab the steering wheel.
“I have never used either of those statements.”
“Not the point.”
“I’m afraid I don’t quite understand what the point is Ray.”
“Hypothetically speaking…”
“Hypothetically speaking about points?”
“No! You were hypothetically-ing me! Hypothetically-ing me about what?”
“Oh. Right. Uh…”
“Benny!”
“Hypothetically…if I…” he reached up to swipe at his eyebrow. Ray’s grip tightened on the steering wheel, Benny and nervous ticks never ended well.
“If I felt…that I might be…developing…feelings…”
Ray slowly turned to give him a wild look.
“You mean you’re not a tin Mountie? That you’re a real boy? With feelings?” He reached over and started poking Fraser in the chest. “You’re right! You’re real!”
“Ray.”
He chuckled and made a highly illegal lane change.
“Sorry Benny, just picking at you. Feelings for what…or for who?” he teased.
“Uh, umm…for someone you know. Someone you care about.”
“Please god, tell me Frannie hasn’t brainwashed you somehow.”
“No, is that a talent I should be concerned about?”
“Who knows with her,” Ray muttered, looking in his mirror before making a turn.
Fraser looked out the windshield, momentarily frightened by the prospect of Francesca being able to trick people into doing her bidding.
“So if it’s not Frannie…” Ray said slowly.
“Right. Uh…” Fraser sighed deeply. “I believe I may be developing feelings for Tayla,” he said quietly.
Diefenbaker barked right into his ear.
“Excuse you! No one asked for your opinion.”
That was also the moment he realized Ray had stopped the car. Dead. In the middle of the street.
“Ray?”
“You believe you’ve developed feelings for Tayla? As in like, ‘she’s cool, I like hanging out with her’ feelings? Cus if that’s so than you’re slow on the uptake…”
“Ray…”
“Or is it more like, ‘she’s cool, I think I might like her like a boy likes a girl even though I have no idea what I’m doing with girls’ type of feelings?”
“Ray...”
“Because lord knows you don’t have the best track record there, although I’ll be the first to stand up for you and say that that’s hardly your own fault…”
“RAY!”
“What?!”
“You’re blocking traffic!”
“What? Oh! Right!” he said, jerking the steering wheel and pulling the Riviera over to the side, the car jostling when the front wheel climbed the curb. A move that had Fraser grabbing the door handle and bracing himself before looking over at Ray a bit concerned, worried about the fact he was so worked up he had treated the Buick so roughly.
“So?”
“So…uh…” Fraser stalled, tugged at his uniform’s collar. “The latter.”
Ray nodded, fingers twisting over the steering wheel and looked out the window.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me…” he muttered.
“If it makes you uncomfortable in any way, I won’t explore it Ray,” he said quietly. “I told her I wouldn’t feel right without your approval.”
Ray laughed, startling him. “You told her you wanted my approval?! And she didn’t punch you in your polite Canadian face?!”
“Well…no,” Fraser said slowly. He really was lost in this conversation. Unsure of Ray’s reactions. “She seemed to understand that because you and I are friends, and because of your longer friendship with her that I felt uncomfortable…”
“Oh Jesus,” Ray sighed, tilting his head back onto the seat’s headrest. “Just shut up Benny.”
“Understood,” he replied automatically, shifting to face straight ahead again.
“You talked to her?” Ray said much more calmly after a beat of silence.
“Well…yes. We uh…”
Ray’s eyebrow arched and he lifted his head to look at his partner.
“We may have kissed…at the food festival,” Fraser mumbled, reaching up to tug at his ear.
“Holy shit,” Ray hissed.
And then he busted out laughing.
“Oh geez, this is…this is…oh my god.”
“Forgive me Ray, but I’m afraid I’m rather lost in regards to your feelings on the subject.”
“Oh Benny,” he grinned, reaching over to squeeze his shoulder. “Just relax, it’s really weird. I mean really weird, like, weird in ways you don’t even know. But I know Tayla. And I know you.”
“And I know your history,” he added softly after a beat, squeezing Fraser’s shoulder again. “She ain’t gonna hurt you. Never would. And there’s not much that can stop Tayla once she puts her mind to something, so if she’s set her sights on you, whether I approve or not is not going to stop her.”
“That I don’t doubt,” Fraser smirked, remembering a million different ways Tayla had just taken control of both he and Ray and made decisions on what they were going to do. “However, you are my friend, and should it make you uncomfortable…”
“Benny just stop,” Ray said warmly, smiling at him. “It’s weird. I’ll admit that. But it’s alright…really.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah Benny, I’m sure. You’re kinda the best guy I know. It’s alright.”
Fraser flushed, ducking his head to scratch his eyebrow, again.
Ray chuckled and squeezed his shoulder once more before returning his focus to the Riviera’s mirror so he could reenter traffic.
“Just…try not to be…all in my face with it,” he said, waving his hand. “That’s gonna take some getting used to.”
“Understood Ray,” he grinned.
***
“Ray? We appear to be at Tayla’s house.”
“Oh, look at that, we are.”
“Did we have plans with her?”
“Nope.”
Silence.
“Is there a reason we’re here then?”
“Yup,” Ray said, twisting around in his seat and digging into a bag on the back floorboard.
Unceremoniously he shoved a plastic wrapped box into Fraser’s chest.
Fraser blinked, looking down at the object.
“Chocolates?”
“Yup.”
Fraser blinked at him.
“Tayla’s not a flower kinda girl, trust me, she’ll like chocolate better.”
“Good to know,” he said slowly.
“Great. Now get out.”
“Pardon?”
“Get out.”
“But…”
“Get. Out. Go. Hang out,” he said, shooing him out of the car.
Fraser stumbled out of the Riviera, righting his jacket as he stood and hesitated on the curb, shuffling his feet.
“I’ll take Dief home,” Ray offered through the downed window, the wolf now occupying the front seat Fraser had vacated and watching Fraser with a look of glee on his face.
“Ray…”
“Just stop thinking Benny. Just go hang out.”
He cleared his throat, tugged at his collar, nodded to himself more than to Ray.
“Right you are,” he mumbled, making his way to her front door. He had no idea what he was doing.
He lifted his hand to press the doorbell. Hesitated, dropped it back to his side. Made another abortive attempt. Finally turned to look at Ray again.
Ray laid into the Buick’s horn, Fraser’s eyes going wide in horror.
It had the intended effect though, as a moment later Tayla opened the door.
“Benton?”
“Uh, hello…Tayla. Uh…good evening,” he stuttered.
He was cut off by the squeal of tires as Ray peeled out on the asphalt behind him and Fraser froze in mortification. Tayla leaned out the door and watched the Riviera disappear down the street.
Her eyes slowly slid back to him. Then looked down where he was still clutching the chocolate box Ray had handed him. Finally she looked back up at him.
“He left you here didn’t he?”
Fraser nodded.
“Lemme guess, you had no idea he was bringing you here and then he handed you those and kicked you out of the car.”
“That would be rather accurate,” he swallowed.
The inspecting gaze she had shown since she opened her door to the bizarre scene unfolding on her doorstep thawed and she smirked at him.
“He’s such an asshole,” she muttered, taking a step onto her porch and leaning in to kiss him on his cheek, just shy of his lips.
“Come inside,” she said softly. Fraser could feel his ears burning but nodded and followed her, feeling as if he was swallowed by warmth as soon as he was though her door.
He shed his jacket in her entry way, heading to where she had disappeared into her kitchen.
“Ironically, I was making hot chocolate,” she grinned, side-eyeing him.
“Ah yes, Ray…uh, he…” he stumbled, holding the box of chocolates in his hands.
“Why don’t you bust it open,” she grinned, stirring the small pot she had with warm cream and melting chocolate. “Might as well overdose,” she winked.
He nodded, pulling out his pocket knife to slit open the plastic cover. He removed the lid and simply laid the open box on her counter.
She moved over to him silently, always barefooted when at home, and picked up a piece, popping it in her mouth.
“At least the idiot got dark chocolate, not a big fan of milk.”
“It can be rather sweet,” he smiled, starting to relax.
She grinned and picked another piece, holding it up towards his mouth.
He froze. Then mentally kicked himself before he hesitantly moved to take it from her fingers. Taking care not to repeat the performance from the food festival just a week before.
She leaned in slow, giving him time to react should he choose to and kissed him softly on the lips.
She pulled away just a moment later and returned to the hot chocolate on the stove.
“He talked to me you know.”
“Ray?”
She nodded. “Said you talked to him. And then proceeded to give me the ‘you hurt him and I’ll kill you’ speech. Although, without the killing, cus he’s not brave enough for that.”
Fraser blinked at her, unsure of what part of that statement to address first.
“I did speak with him,” he said quietly. “He was rather understanding.”
She grinned again, rather reflexively, like she was having a hard time keeping a smile from her face and he watched heat crawl up her cheeks as she fidgeted with mugs and spoons.
He felt marginally better that he wasn’t the only one absurdly nervous at the moment.
“He gave you a speech?”
She laughed then. “Yeah,” she said simply, not offering him any explanation, just handing him a warm mug of rich chocolate. She hopped up onto her kitchen counter and took a sip from her own steaming mug.
He leaned against her kitchen table, not far from her and cradled his mug in his hands.
“He cares about you,” she said quietly, causing him to look up at her.
“He cares about you as well.”
She smiled softly, swirled her mug in her hand.
“He didn’t give me any details, I doubt he’d ever betray your trust like that, but enough to know you’ve been hurt,” she paused. “He’s rather protective of you.”
He nodded, hung his head, sad smile at his friend’s concern.
“You’re not the only one trying to heal. I get it.”
He looked up at her again and smiled in understanding.
She blushed again and he took a sip of his hot chocolate now that it had cooled a bit, giving her a moment without the weight of his gaze.
“This…this tastes like…”
“Molasses?” she smiled.
He grinned and nodded.
“I’m weird,” she shrugged and he laughed.
Her mug thumped where she placed it on the counter next to her and she held out her hand towards him.
“C’mere,” she said quietly.
He held her eyes for a moment before pushing off of the table and taking the few steps over to her, letting her take his free hand while he put his own mug down next to hers.
“We’re friends right?”
“Of course,” he answered instantly, giving her his full attention.
“Then how ‘bout we stop acting like we have no idea how to act around each other?” she grinned.
He chuckled and dropped his head.
“This is…” he hesitated.
“I know,” she mumbled, “I’m scared too.”
He looked back up at her, holding her gaze. “Terrified,” he whispered.
She reached up and looped her arms around his neck, letting her fingers card through his hair. He allowed himself to appreciate the comfort of her touch and placed his hands on the counter on either side of her, leaning into her warmth.
“Listen,” she said quietly, “We’re both freaked out. But I trust you. I know you’re not some asshole just trying to get laid.”
He smirked.
“And I hope you know me well enough to know I would never purposely hurt you,” she whispered.
“I do,” he smiled softly.
“I’m not asking you to tell me Benton,” she added after a moment, fingers still curled in his hair. “I don’t want you to tell me. Not unless you choose to. It’s none of my business.”
“If we do this, it is,” he cut her off.
She smiled at him but shook her head. “Naw, not unless you want it to be. It’s okay. I don’t want anything you can’t give. Just…honesty. And if I do hurt you, tell me, so I can fix it.”
He sighed, shifted his feet and lifted his hands from the cool of the counter to reach up to cup her shoulder blades.
“You have my word,” he whispered, leaning in to rest his forehead against hers. “Only if you’ll do the same.”
“’Course,” she grinned.
“This…” he started, swallowed against the lump in his throat.
This was all uncharted territory for him. His relationship with Victoria had hardly been conventional, from tragic beginning to disastrous end.
“I’m afraid I don’t have much experience…with this. My track record is less than commendable.”
She chuckled, soft in her throat, a noise that made her sound more feminine than he was used to, and she ducked her head to nuzzle under the curve of his jaw, which had him closing his eyes and taking a deep breath at the simplistic show of affection.
“It’s okay,” she whispered against his skin. “I don’t have the best track record either. It doesn’t matter. I just know what I feel when I’m with you.”
He trembled at her admission and he let himself tuck his face into her neck. At this point they weren’t stopping. They were going to try together. He decided he might as well begin forcing himself past his nerves to become comfortable with her touch and with touching her in return.
She shifted against him, folding one arm up against his chest, curling up within his embrace, one foot wrapping around the back of his thigh.
“I was engaged…in Florida,” she whispered, after several minutes of silence.
He held himself still. Half wondering if she had even spoken.
Finally he tilted his head just enough to catch her eye.
She glanced up at him before looking away again.
“I had been with him a couple years. Everything was perfect. From the very beginning,” she sighed.
“We never fought. Everything was just easy. We worked. He was my best friend.”
He was torn. He wanted to keep holding her, offering what support he could. But he also wanted to pull back enough to meet her eyes. Give her the attention he felt the admission deserved.
Thankfully she saved him from having to decide, pulling back from him just enough to sit upright.
“It was stupid. Fairytale shit. Everybody was jealous. And then…” she sighed. “He got a new job. I was less than thrilled with his coworkers. But they were his new best friends. And I went from being the person he felt closest to, to being the nagging girlfriend that was telling him who not to be friends with. And I really wasn’t, it’s not like I gave him ultimatums or anything, I just told him my concerns. But he had already pulled away. Just…disappeared on me,” she whispered, and he could hear the tremor in her voice, the echo of pain. “Didn’t even have the balls to break up with me to my face, literally just disappeared, cut off contact. I lost myself for a long time,” she finished quietly.
He knew she hadn’t told him so that he would share his own story. He knew she had fully meant that she didn’t want him to tell her unless he decided to. But the fact she had trusted him with the story, the difficulty of telling it still evident on her face, gave him the courage to share his own.
“I arrested this woman,” he said quietly. “Well…I tracked her, through a blizzard. We were snowed in and spent a day and a night and another day, huddled in a lean to. I thought I would lose her. I thought we’d both die. But we made it.”
He hesitated, took a deep breath. Gratified that she allowed him the silence.
“She asked me to let her go…and I didn’t,” he said, voice cracking over the admission.
“The reason Ray’s so protective is…she came back. To Chicago. I threw away all caution, convinced myself it was my second chance. But…”
This was just as hard as he had imagined it would be. But regardless of her statement that she needn’t know, he felt she deserved this. He wanted to try to build something with her. He needed to be completely open with her. For himself if not for her.
“She had been manipulating me from the start. Before she even arrived,” he sighed. “Set me up. Set Ray up. And the whole time…” he inhaled, lungs trembling. “The whole time I couldn’t give up. I loved her,” he smiled sadly, shrugging one shoulder. “Even after everything…I let her go again. Almost went with her…would have. Would have given up everything. Destroyed everything,” he mumbled.
“But Ray…” he sighed again. “Ray thought she had a gun, he fired at her. And hit me,” he finished after a pause. Watching the shock register on her face.
“I don’t blame him. Never have,” he said quietly, looking down to discover she had threaded her fingers with his own, steady stroke of her thumb against his palm. “Was probably for the best really...but…”
“But you still wonder,” she finished for him.
He looked up at her, guilt heavy on his shoulders.
“I get it,” she whispered. “Ryan left me in the most cowardly way possible. Turned into someone I didn’t recognize. Was the complete opposite of the person I had known. But I still wonder…wonder what would have happened, what could have happened, had we remained as strong as we were. Had nothing gone wrong.”
He nodded.
“It’s okay Benton,” she smiled softly. “There’s always a piece of you that’s going to belong to them. A piece of you no one else can touch. And that’s okay. It’s not a bad thing. It doesn’t mean you can’t love again. Doesn’t mean that love can’t be just as strong, or stronger. It’s just a piece of your life that they touched, changed, for better or worse…or both. A piece of who you are.”
He held her eyes the entire time, letting her words settle within him. She was right. And he could feel the weight lifting off his spirit, knowing that she understood what he felt, what he meant, without even being able to put voice to it.
He was so tired of being alone. He did want to try again. He wanted to try with her. But he had also been scarred by his past. Was still very much anxious of everything that could go wrong, of feeling that level of pain again. But he felt bolstered, knowing she held the same fears he did. But the same hopes as well.
“Funny,” she started, “Our stories are so different…”
“And yet quite similar,” he finished for her, smiling as she met his eyes.
“Yeah,” she sighed.
The trappings were different. Her fairytale relationship turned into a nightmare. His was a nightmare that he had tried desperately to turn into a fairytale. But they had both loved whole-heartedly and been betrayed by the person they had given themselves to. Lost themselves within.
He smiled, shifting closer to her and reached up to slot his fingers into her hair, pulling her into a kiss.
She gasped, a quiet, startled sound right before his lips met hers and he smiled against her. Soft, brief press of lips before he pulled back to meet her eyes, smile breaking out over his face.
She grinned back, flushed, unable to help herself and he felt something unfurl in his chest, swoop low in his gut.
They were both scared.
But they’d figure this out.
Previous: Chapter Four | Next: Chapter Six
Chapter 5
Chapter Wordcount: 3532
Fraser purposely waited until he could bring it up to Ray until they were driving back to the station after an uneventful outing for information. He didn’t want to potentially upset Ray before they went to question a witness, but he also didn’t want to broach the subject had said witness upset Ray to begin with. It was a delicate situation.
“Hypothetically speaking…” he started, after several minutes of berating himself to just open his mouth.
“That’s never good.”
“It can neither be good or bad if it’s merely hypothetical Ray.”
“Nothing with you is ever hypothetical Benny.”
“I beg to differ…”
“’Hypothetically speaking what happens if I jump out this window’…too late, already did…’hypothetically speaking what will happen if I chase after this speeding car’…oops, my bad, already jumped onto it,” Ray ranted, waving his hands so much Fraser was tempted to grab the steering wheel.
“I have never used either of those statements.”
“Not the point.”
“I’m afraid I don’t quite understand what the point is Ray.”
“Hypothetically speaking…”
“Hypothetically speaking about points?”
“No! You were hypothetically-ing me! Hypothetically-ing me about what?”
“Oh. Right. Uh…”
“Benny!”
“Hypothetically…if I…” he reached up to swipe at his eyebrow. Ray’s grip tightened on the steering wheel, Benny and nervous ticks never ended well.
“If I felt…that I might be…developing…feelings…”
Ray slowly turned to give him a wild look.
“You mean you’re not a tin Mountie? That you’re a real boy? With feelings?” He reached over and started poking Fraser in the chest. “You’re right! You’re real!”
“Ray.”
He chuckled and made a highly illegal lane change.
“Sorry Benny, just picking at you. Feelings for what…or for who?” he teased.
“Uh, umm…for someone you know. Someone you care about.”
“Please god, tell me Frannie hasn’t brainwashed you somehow.”
“No, is that a talent I should be concerned about?”
“Who knows with her,” Ray muttered, looking in his mirror before making a turn.
Fraser looked out the windshield, momentarily frightened by the prospect of Francesca being able to trick people into doing her bidding.
“So if it’s not Frannie…” Ray said slowly.
“Right. Uh…” Fraser sighed deeply. “I believe I may be developing feelings for Tayla,” he said quietly.
Diefenbaker barked right into his ear.
“Excuse you! No one asked for your opinion.”
That was also the moment he realized Ray had stopped the car. Dead. In the middle of the street.
“Ray?”
“You believe you’ve developed feelings for Tayla? As in like, ‘she’s cool, I like hanging out with her’ feelings? Cus if that’s so than you’re slow on the uptake…”
“Ray…”
“Or is it more like, ‘she’s cool, I think I might like her like a boy likes a girl even though I have no idea what I’m doing with girls’ type of feelings?”
“Ray...”
“Because lord knows you don’t have the best track record there, although I’ll be the first to stand up for you and say that that’s hardly your own fault…”
“RAY!”
“What?!”
“You’re blocking traffic!”
“What? Oh! Right!” he said, jerking the steering wheel and pulling the Riviera over to the side, the car jostling when the front wheel climbed the curb. A move that had Fraser grabbing the door handle and bracing himself before looking over at Ray a bit concerned, worried about the fact he was so worked up he had treated the Buick so roughly.
“So?”
“So…uh…” Fraser stalled, tugged at his uniform’s collar. “The latter.”
Ray nodded, fingers twisting over the steering wheel and looked out the window.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me…” he muttered.
“If it makes you uncomfortable in any way, I won’t explore it Ray,” he said quietly. “I told her I wouldn’t feel right without your approval.”
Ray laughed, startling him. “You told her you wanted my approval?! And she didn’t punch you in your polite Canadian face?!”
“Well…no,” Fraser said slowly. He really was lost in this conversation. Unsure of Ray’s reactions. “She seemed to understand that because you and I are friends, and because of your longer friendship with her that I felt uncomfortable…”
“Oh Jesus,” Ray sighed, tilting his head back onto the seat’s headrest. “Just shut up Benny.”
“Understood,” he replied automatically, shifting to face straight ahead again.
“You talked to her?” Ray said much more calmly after a beat of silence.
“Well…yes. We uh…”
Ray’s eyebrow arched and he lifted his head to look at his partner.
“We may have kissed…at the food festival,” Fraser mumbled, reaching up to tug at his ear.
“Holy shit,” Ray hissed.
And then he busted out laughing.
“Oh geez, this is…this is…oh my god.”
“Forgive me Ray, but I’m afraid I’m rather lost in regards to your feelings on the subject.”
“Oh Benny,” he grinned, reaching over to squeeze his shoulder. “Just relax, it’s really weird. I mean really weird, like, weird in ways you don’t even know. But I know Tayla. And I know you.”
“And I know your history,” he added softly after a beat, squeezing Fraser’s shoulder again. “She ain’t gonna hurt you. Never would. And there’s not much that can stop Tayla once she puts her mind to something, so if she’s set her sights on you, whether I approve or not is not going to stop her.”
“That I don’t doubt,” Fraser smirked, remembering a million different ways Tayla had just taken control of both he and Ray and made decisions on what they were going to do. “However, you are my friend, and should it make you uncomfortable…”
“Benny just stop,” Ray said warmly, smiling at him. “It’s weird. I’ll admit that. But it’s alright…really.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah Benny, I’m sure. You’re kinda the best guy I know. It’s alright.”
Fraser flushed, ducking his head to scratch his eyebrow, again.
Ray chuckled and squeezed his shoulder once more before returning his focus to the Riviera’s mirror so he could reenter traffic.
“Just…try not to be…all in my face with it,” he said, waving his hand. “That’s gonna take some getting used to.”
“Understood Ray,” he grinned.
***
“Ray? We appear to be at Tayla’s house.”
“Oh, look at that, we are.”
“Did we have plans with her?”
“Nope.”
Silence.
“Is there a reason we’re here then?”
“Yup,” Ray said, twisting around in his seat and digging into a bag on the back floorboard.
Unceremoniously he shoved a plastic wrapped box into Fraser’s chest.
Fraser blinked, looking down at the object.
“Chocolates?”
“Yup.”
Fraser blinked at him.
“Tayla’s not a flower kinda girl, trust me, she’ll like chocolate better.”
“Good to know,” he said slowly.
“Great. Now get out.”
“Pardon?”
“Get out.”
“But…”
“Get. Out. Go. Hang out,” he said, shooing him out of the car.
Fraser stumbled out of the Riviera, righting his jacket as he stood and hesitated on the curb, shuffling his feet.
“I’ll take Dief home,” Ray offered through the downed window, the wolf now occupying the front seat Fraser had vacated and watching Fraser with a look of glee on his face.
“Ray…”
“Just stop thinking Benny. Just go hang out.”
He cleared his throat, tugged at his collar, nodded to himself more than to Ray.
“Right you are,” he mumbled, making his way to her front door. He had no idea what he was doing.
He lifted his hand to press the doorbell. Hesitated, dropped it back to his side. Made another abortive attempt. Finally turned to look at Ray again.
Ray laid into the Buick’s horn, Fraser’s eyes going wide in horror.
It had the intended effect though, as a moment later Tayla opened the door.
“Benton?”
“Uh, hello…Tayla. Uh…good evening,” he stuttered.
He was cut off by the squeal of tires as Ray peeled out on the asphalt behind him and Fraser froze in mortification. Tayla leaned out the door and watched the Riviera disappear down the street.
Her eyes slowly slid back to him. Then looked down where he was still clutching the chocolate box Ray had handed him. Finally she looked back up at him.
“He left you here didn’t he?”
Fraser nodded.
“Lemme guess, you had no idea he was bringing you here and then he handed you those and kicked you out of the car.”
“That would be rather accurate,” he swallowed.
The inspecting gaze she had shown since she opened her door to the bizarre scene unfolding on her doorstep thawed and she smirked at him.
“He’s such an asshole,” she muttered, taking a step onto her porch and leaning in to kiss him on his cheek, just shy of his lips.
“Come inside,” she said softly. Fraser could feel his ears burning but nodded and followed her, feeling as if he was swallowed by warmth as soon as he was though her door.
He shed his jacket in her entry way, heading to where she had disappeared into her kitchen.
“Ironically, I was making hot chocolate,” she grinned, side-eyeing him.
“Ah yes, Ray…uh, he…” he stumbled, holding the box of chocolates in his hands.
“Why don’t you bust it open,” she grinned, stirring the small pot she had with warm cream and melting chocolate. “Might as well overdose,” she winked.
He nodded, pulling out his pocket knife to slit open the plastic cover. He removed the lid and simply laid the open box on her counter.
She moved over to him silently, always barefooted when at home, and picked up a piece, popping it in her mouth.
“At least the idiot got dark chocolate, not a big fan of milk.”
“It can be rather sweet,” he smiled, starting to relax.
She grinned and picked another piece, holding it up towards his mouth.
He froze. Then mentally kicked himself before he hesitantly moved to take it from her fingers. Taking care not to repeat the performance from the food festival just a week before.
She leaned in slow, giving him time to react should he choose to and kissed him softly on the lips.
She pulled away just a moment later and returned to the hot chocolate on the stove.
“He talked to me you know.”
“Ray?”
She nodded. “Said you talked to him. And then proceeded to give me the ‘you hurt him and I’ll kill you’ speech. Although, without the killing, cus he’s not brave enough for that.”
Fraser blinked at her, unsure of what part of that statement to address first.
“I did speak with him,” he said quietly. “He was rather understanding.”
She grinned again, rather reflexively, like she was having a hard time keeping a smile from her face and he watched heat crawl up her cheeks as she fidgeted with mugs and spoons.
He felt marginally better that he wasn’t the only one absurdly nervous at the moment.
“He gave you a speech?”
She laughed then. “Yeah,” she said simply, not offering him any explanation, just handing him a warm mug of rich chocolate. She hopped up onto her kitchen counter and took a sip from her own steaming mug.
He leaned against her kitchen table, not far from her and cradled his mug in his hands.
“He cares about you,” she said quietly, causing him to look up at her.
“He cares about you as well.”
She smiled softly, swirled her mug in her hand.
“He didn’t give me any details, I doubt he’d ever betray your trust like that, but enough to know you’ve been hurt,” she paused. “He’s rather protective of you.”
He nodded, hung his head, sad smile at his friend’s concern.
“You’re not the only one trying to heal. I get it.”
He looked up at her again and smiled in understanding.
She blushed again and he took a sip of his hot chocolate now that it had cooled a bit, giving her a moment without the weight of his gaze.
“This…this tastes like…”
“Molasses?” she smiled.
He grinned and nodded.
“I’m weird,” she shrugged and he laughed.
Her mug thumped where she placed it on the counter next to her and she held out her hand towards him.
“C’mere,” she said quietly.
He held her eyes for a moment before pushing off of the table and taking the few steps over to her, letting her take his free hand while he put his own mug down next to hers.
“We’re friends right?”
“Of course,” he answered instantly, giving her his full attention.
“Then how ‘bout we stop acting like we have no idea how to act around each other?” she grinned.
He chuckled and dropped his head.
“This is…” he hesitated.
“I know,” she mumbled, “I’m scared too.”
He looked back up at her, holding her gaze. “Terrified,” he whispered.
She reached up and looped her arms around his neck, letting her fingers card through his hair. He allowed himself to appreciate the comfort of her touch and placed his hands on the counter on either side of her, leaning into her warmth.
“Listen,” she said quietly, “We’re both freaked out. But I trust you. I know you’re not some asshole just trying to get laid.”
He smirked.
“And I hope you know me well enough to know I would never purposely hurt you,” she whispered.
“I do,” he smiled softly.
“I’m not asking you to tell me Benton,” she added after a moment, fingers still curled in his hair. “I don’t want you to tell me. Not unless you choose to. It’s none of my business.”
“If we do this, it is,” he cut her off.
She smiled at him but shook her head. “Naw, not unless you want it to be. It’s okay. I don’t want anything you can’t give. Just…honesty. And if I do hurt you, tell me, so I can fix it.”
He sighed, shifted his feet and lifted his hands from the cool of the counter to reach up to cup her shoulder blades.
“You have my word,” he whispered, leaning in to rest his forehead against hers. “Only if you’ll do the same.”
“’Course,” she grinned.
“This…” he started, swallowed against the lump in his throat.
This was all uncharted territory for him. His relationship with Victoria had hardly been conventional, from tragic beginning to disastrous end.
“I’m afraid I don’t have much experience…with this. My track record is less than commendable.”
She chuckled, soft in her throat, a noise that made her sound more feminine than he was used to, and she ducked her head to nuzzle under the curve of his jaw, which had him closing his eyes and taking a deep breath at the simplistic show of affection.
“It’s okay,” she whispered against his skin. “I don’t have the best track record either. It doesn’t matter. I just know what I feel when I’m with you.”
He trembled at her admission and he let himself tuck his face into her neck. At this point they weren’t stopping. They were going to try together. He decided he might as well begin forcing himself past his nerves to become comfortable with her touch and with touching her in return.
She shifted against him, folding one arm up against his chest, curling up within his embrace, one foot wrapping around the back of his thigh.
“I was engaged…in Florida,” she whispered, after several minutes of silence.
He held himself still. Half wondering if she had even spoken.
Finally he tilted his head just enough to catch her eye.
She glanced up at him before looking away again.
“I had been with him a couple years. Everything was perfect. From the very beginning,” she sighed.
“We never fought. Everything was just easy. We worked. He was my best friend.”
He was torn. He wanted to keep holding her, offering what support he could. But he also wanted to pull back enough to meet her eyes. Give her the attention he felt the admission deserved.
Thankfully she saved him from having to decide, pulling back from him just enough to sit upright.
“It was stupid. Fairytale shit. Everybody was jealous. And then…” she sighed. “He got a new job. I was less than thrilled with his coworkers. But they were his new best friends. And I went from being the person he felt closest to, to being the nagging girlfriend that was telling him who not to be friends with. And I really wasn’t, it’s not like I gave him ultimatums or anything, I just told him my concerns. But he had already pulled away. Just…disappeared on me,” she whispered, and he could hear the tremor in her voice, the echo of pain. “Didn’t even have the balls to break up with me to my face, literally just disappeared, cut off contact. I lost myself for a long time,” she finished quietly.
He knew she hadn’t told him so that he would share his own story. He knew she had fully meant that she didn’t want him to tell her unless he decided to. But the fact she had trusted him with the story, the difficulty of telling it still evident on her face, gave him the courage to share his own.
“I arrested this woman,” he said quietly. “Well…I tracked her, through a blizzard. We were snowed in and spent a day and a night and another day, huddled in a lean to. I thought I would lose her. I thought we’d both die. But we made it.”
He hesitated, took a deep breath. Gratified that she allowed him the silence.
“She asked me to let her go…and I didn’t,” he said, voice cracking over the admission.
“The reason Ray’s so protective is…she came back. To Chicago. I threw away all caution, convinced myself it was my second chance. But…”
This was just as hard as he had imagined it would be. But regardless of her statement that she needn’t know, he felt she deserved this. He wanted to try to build something with her. He needed to be completely open with her. For himself if not for her.
“She had been manipulating me from the start. Before she even arrived,” he sighed. “Set me up. Set Ray up. And the whole time…” he inhaled, lungs trembling. “The whole time I couldn’t give up. I loved her,” he smiled sadly, shrugging one shoulder. “Even after everything…I let her go again. Almost went with her…would have. Would have given up everything. Destroyed everything,” he mumbled.
“But Ray…” he sighed again. “Ray thought she had a gun, he fired at her. And hit me,” he finished after a pause. Watching the shock register on her face.
“I don’t blame him. Never have,” he said quietly, looking down to discover she had threaded her fingers with his own, steady stroke of her thumb against his palm. “Was probably for the best really...but…”
“But you still wonder,” she finished for him.
He looked up at her, guilt heavy on his shoulders.
“I get it,” she whispered. “Ryan left me in the most cowardly way possible. Turned into someone I didn’t recognize. Was the complete opposite of the person I had known. But I still wonder…wonder what would have happened, what could have happened, had we remained as strong as we were. Had nothing gone wrong.”
He nodded.
“It’s okay Benton,” she smiled softly. “There’s always a piece of you that’s going to belong to them. A piece of you no one else can touch. And that’s okay. It’s not a bad thing. It doesn’t mean you can’t love again. Doesn’t mean that love can’t be just as strong, or stronger. It’s just a piece of your life that they touched, changed, for better or worse…or both. A piece of who you are.”
He held her eyes the entire time, letting her words settle within him. She was right. And he could feel the weight lifting off his spirit, knowing that she understood what he felt, what he meant, without even being able to put voice to it.
He was so tired of being alone. He did want to try again. He wanted to try with her. But he had also been scarred by his past. Was still very much anxious of everything that could go wrong, of feeling that level of pain again. But he felt bolstered, knowing she held the same fears he did. But the same hopes as well.
“Funny,” she started, “Our stories are so different…”
“And yet quite similar,” he finished for her, smiling as she met his eyes.
“Yeah,” she sighed.
The trappings were different. Her fairytale relationship turned into a nightmare. His was a nightmare that he had tried desperately to turn into a fairytale. But they had both loved whole-heartedly and been betrayed by the person they had given themselves to. Lost themselves within.
He smiled, shifting closer to her and reached up to slot his fingers into her hair, pulling her into a kiss.
She gasped, a quiet, startled sound right before his lips met hers and he smiled against her. Soft, brief press of lips before he pulled back to meet her eyes, smile breaking out over his face.
She grinned back, flushed, unable to help herself and he felt something unfurl in his chest, swoop low in his gut.
They were both scared.
But they’d figure this out.
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