[OOC: FST! nobody is to make a comment on my music taste k]
Human As I Am - A Neil Dylandy FST
[WARNING FOR MASSIVE TL;DR also spoilers, if the comm didn't do it already :'D]
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1. Changes - 3 Doors Down
I'm not supposed to be scared of anything, but I don't know where I am
I wish that I could move, but I'm exhausted and nobody understands (how I feel)
I'm trying hard to breathe now but there's no air in my lungs
There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb
I try to hold this
Under control
They can't help me
'Cause no one knows...
This is my young!Neil song, in the early time after the bombing (LET'S START WITH A CHEERFUL ONE, AMIRITE). The song is desolate and angry and lonely and frustrated all at once, and generally grasps little!Neil pretty damn well. The changes it talks about are the changes from the little boy with no troubles and a loving family to an orphan man with pretty much nothing left but revenge. Not an easy transition to make, as one can imagine. :'D
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2. Sniper's Promise - The Wolfetones
Oh Mama, oh Mama comfort me
For I know these things have got to be
But when the war for freedom has been won
I promise you I'll put away my gun.
Taking a detour from angrysad to just sad for a bit, here, this is an old Irish rebel song from the Troubles. Irish and about snipers, of course it's on here, right? But in all seriousness it does fit really depressingly well. For a start, it's always been part of my headcanon that Neil was in the Army before he joined CB, as a sniper there too - but the real reason is just the overall tone of this song. It's so sad and low-key and desolate, it's not hard to imagine this kind of depression in him under the layers of happy and the inner layer of angry. Specifically back then. The callbacks to family, promises and the idea that when the goal of freedom - or peace, in Neil's case - is complete, his fighting is over and he can join them, it's all very Neil.
3. Smile - Vitamin C
Life, it ain't easy
It's so tough
It ain't easy
(Whatchu wanna do, say whatchu gonna do)
Put a smile on your face
Make the world a better place
Ah, a happy song, finally! Oh wait. I really like this song for him because it hits the right note of cheerful, happy, egging everyone along and big brothering, but there's kind of a cover-your-sadness-with-smiles feel to it too in places that reminds me of Neil's occasional cracks to the pain beneath. Even when you're hurting don't forget to smile, indeed. It's the right mix of happy and tiny, subtle hints of pain for Neil - this song is his outer persona, while the majority of this FST is his inner turmoil.
4. Any Other World - Mika
I tried to live alone
But lonely is lonely, alone
So human as I am
I had to give up my defences
So I smiled and tried to mean it
To let myself let go
Cos it's all in the hands of a bitter, bitter man
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
Take a bow, play the part of a lonely lonely heart
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
To the world you thought you lived in
This song is so pretty, for a start. For some proper detail - this song is all about loss and pain. It's haunting. And it fits Neil - he can't detach from other people in the same way Lyle can. He did try to go it alone, as it were, and couldn't do it. That's without even touching on the lonliness of the sudden loss of a family unit. But it's the smile lines that work so well for me, because they really do fit with Neil so well. Smile and try to mean it became smile and really mean it...most of the time. But under all that is still the bitter, bitter man, who had to say goodbye to the safety and comfort of a cushioned family life and was thrust alone into the big, wide world.
5. Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
This one is another on the theme of loneliness, but there's a darkness to this one quite apart from the bitter loneliness. I can't pinpoint exactly why I feel that way, but. yeah. It feels bitterer and darker than Any Other World, for example. The sentiment is similar, though. As well, the imagery of stalking alone through a city is highly relevant to the sniper.
6. Talk - Coldplay
Oh brother I can't, I can't get through
I've been trying hard to reach you
Cos I don't know what to do
Oh brother I can't believe it's true
I'm so scared about the future and
I want to talk to you
Oh I want to talk to you
This is my Neil-and-Lyle song. The sad thing is, it applies to young!Dylandys...and to adult!Dylandys too. They are just really shit at communicating, for a number of reasons. There's a sadness about this song that pervades the Dylandy brothers' relationship, and that first verse gives me chills with how perfect it is, if Neil could just have expressed that to Lyle before he went off back to boarding school.
One day, Neil and Lyle will be able to sit down and really talk, and work through their communicating issues. One day. Somewhere in the future. Until they do, this song plays in my head whenever they have a conversation.
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[6.5. Towa no Rasen - Miki Shinichirou as Lockon Stratos
Not quite a bonus song, but not quite a proper entry in this either. Consider it a sort-of-canon break!
It's his character single, or at least the one people usually like :B I personally love the dichotomy between the lyrics that could easily be put to a sad ballad and the AWESOME ROCK of the tune. It's the whole badass-but-broken thing all over again. plus it's just plain awesome (I heard someone complaining once that it was "too depressing" for Lockon and I was like uhhhh.) ]
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7. Pressing On - Reliant K
And I won't sit back, and take this anymore.
'Cause I'm done with that, I've got one foot out the door.
And to go back where I was would just be wrong
I'm pressing on.
I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
Out of mind, out of state.
Trying to keep my head on straight.
I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
This is the 'Joining Celestial Being' song. :|b For the first time, Neil actually had a chance to do something big and change the world, and boy did he jump at the chance. ALSO YEAH THIS IS THE SLIGHTLY HAPPIER PART OF THIS THING OKAY The Gundams really were this SHINING CHANCE to him. Admittedly, part of that SHINING CHANCE was the chance for bloody revenge, but. Most of it was changing the world. Really. :'D
8. Without A Fight - Hoobastank
Let's go, the curtain's opened
Get this show on the road
I want to feel my heart explode
No more procrastination
Dragging my feet below
Now I want everyone to know
(The clock is counting down)
The clock is counting down
(The seconds tick away)
The seconds tick away
This is our time
Without a doubt
Time to ignite
We're not going down
(Without a fight)
This is our time
Get up off the ground
Take what is mine
We're not going down
Without a fight
This song? This song is adrenaline'd up to the eyeballs. It's the going-out-to-battle song, going-up-against-Taklaman-forces/GN-X's song. It's the facing-massive-odds-but-pulling-out-all-the-stops song. It's the WE'VE DECLARED WAR ON THE ENTIRE WORLD, SETSUNA song. It's awesome, is what it is. That pumped feeling you have after listening to it, that's the adrenaline rush of dropping into a cockpit and launching.
9. Drop The Bomb - Scotty D
Getting sick and tired of the fossil-like system,
now or never it's the time to resist 'em,
it's easy to blast them all away,
pull a trigger push a button say ADIOS to today,
don't get me wrong I'm a pacifist,
the mind can do more than the fist.
Explosives are not what it takes
(you know, terrorists always make these mistakes,)
what we gotta do is build momentum,
if you need the right tools invent 'em,
ride the wave of time come feel the rhythm,
the march to the future has begun get with'em,
the brain is the generator of almighty power
either do it now or your master plan goes sour.
This is similar to the last one, actually. Except this time, it's the TAKING ACTION/INTERVENING IN A CONFLICT/SNIPING THE TARGETS song. Where Sniper's Promise was about the sadness of war, this is about the blood-pumping adrenaline of it, about changing the world with force guided by brains, and just generally has a fizz about it that really works.
...and ngl, the venom in THE TERRORISTS ALWAYS MAKE THESE MISTAKES helps the pinging.
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10. Vengeance Is Mine - Sentenced
We're not done, I will hunt you down
One by one... I'll blow you all to hell
For you faceless, nameless cowards cannot hide
The day of reckoning will arrive
Strike from behind and knock me to the ground
Kick me while I'm down
Stab me in the back, you bastards
Tear my heart out of my chest
I'll rise from the ashes, from these wounds of mine
From the wreckage
I'm right on your track, you bastards
A dozen of eyes for an eye - vengeance is mine
NOW WE'RE ONTO ANGRY. Do I really need to say anything about this one? NEIL <3 REVENGE. The guy built up his entire life around it, pretty much. This song, this is Neil and the KPSA.
Funnily enough, I really didn't like this song very much at first. It sounded....ugly, i suppose is the best way to describe it. But it's grown on me now, and the ugly is wrapped up into the effect of the song as a whole. It's gritty, it's dark, it's not nice - this is the ugly side of Neil, the one he keeps hidden deep, deep down.
11. Brand New Day - Neil Patrick Harris as Dr Horrible
This appeared as a moral dilemma
Cause at first it was weird though I swore to eliminate
The worst of the plague that devoured humanity
It’s true I was vague on the ‘How’
so how can it be that you have shown me the light?
It’s a brand new day
And the sun is high
All the birds are singing
That you’re gonna die
How I hesitated
Now I wonder why
It’s a brand new day
I'm sure it's probably bad form to put something from a musical on one of these, but fuck it - this song pings me like mad for him every time. Specifically, for Beach Incident with Setsuna and the aftermath. Finding out about Ali 'showed him the light' of a clear way to get revenge, as opposed to the more abstract HAET KPSA. No more Mister Nice Guy, so to speak.
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12. It's Not My Time - 3 Doors Down
I look ahead to all the plans that we made
And the dreams that we had
I'm in a world that tries to take them away
Oh, but I'm taking them back
'Cause all this time I've just been too blind to understand
What should matter to me
My friend, this life we live, it's not what we have
It's what we believe in
It's not my time, I'm not going
There's a fear in me, it's not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
This, really, is the song for flying out with the patch, to fight Ali. He knew he wasn't 100% and that he might die out there, but hell if he was going to accept it. He had a job to do and a revenge to fulfill and there was no space for fear or doubt. SINGULAR DESIRE AND DETERMINATION, GET. ;3;
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13. It's Your World Now - The Eagles
But I'd do it all again
If I could, somehow
But I must be leavin' soon
It's your world now
It's your world now
My race is run
I'm moving on
Like the setting sun
No sad goodbyes
No tears allowed
You'll be alright
It's your world now
And this one is the aftermath of the last song's charge. The floating-in-space-somewhat-delirious song. The thing about this song is that it's kind of sad, but more resigned. There's no regrets, I'd do it all again, if I could somehow. Wistful, really, rather than sad. But the key reason it's on here is the refrain of the theme of passing on the world to someone else. In Neil's case, it's passing the duty of the changing world to the other Meisters, and passing that changed world on to Lyle. He's content to die, because his main part is done - killing Ali - and the others have the world now.
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14. Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons
tremble for yourself, my man,
you know that you have seen this all before
tremble little lion man,
you'll never settle any of your scores
your grace is wasted in your face,
your boldness stands alone among the wreck
learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck
but it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line
i really fucked it up this time
didn't I, my dear?
This is a song for his guilt. As you can probably see from the chorus. :'D Both his survior's guilt for the bombing itself and the reason it's in this section: his guilt from when he woke up from his coma and saw what his death did to everyone. That really hit him hard, and yeah. That's the chorus, pretty much, right there. In fact, I love the emotion the singer puts into that chorus, because it really, really fits. The whole song is just - guilt for everything, basically, he's good at self-blame.
15. Dr Who On Holiday - Dean Grey feat. Green Day
Bang bang goes the broken glass and
Kill all the fags that don't agree
Trials by fire, setting fire
Is not a way that's meant for me
Just cause, just cause, because we're outlaws yeah!
This song has Lockon's anger and his call to action all wrapped up in it. The vision of a crapsack world full of war- and death-imagery is his dark viewing of the world as it is. The song, however, also has his hope and determination for change - I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies/This is the dawning of the rest of our lives. The last almost-rap part? Disapproving of the methods of what sounds a whole lot like terrorist acts - and outlaws? Hello, CB. :>
The original song by Green Day contains all these lyrics, and by all rights the tone of this should put this squarely in the 8-10 numbers, but a)this is my favourite version and i personally think it's superior to the non-mashup :| and b) it brings home that even after everything, where he really should have learned, even now he's living on the TARDIS....his views aren't different. Deep down, he's itching to get back to his world and get back to work, as it were.
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You get nothing on the bonus songs, and you don't get them without the whole zip. :> They are a surprise. :> (And fairly self-explanatory, at that)
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Download all 18 in a handy-dandy zip: mediafire|sendspace|megaupload
If there's any problems with any links, please tell me~! <3