(no subject)
the days have had a chill in the air lately. i don't know what it is, but i have been smelling apple pies and mashed potatoes. i keep feeling this urge to ask my mom if we can go back to school shopping, and by that i mean make a trip to limited too and see what kind of cute outfits they have. i want to go to the coffee beanery with her and get tall cafe caramel chillers. i want to buy new shoes that have a heel in them and get excited about it the way i did the first time i got some artificial height. i want leslie to come home from soccer practice and be sweaty and smelly and worn out and perfect as always. i want to hear her in the next room discussing the most recent dawson's creek episode. i want jessica to curl my hair and put blush and mascara on me. i want to drive around with adam and listen to coldplay and put our hands out the windows so we could fly. i want to play house with the neighbor kids. i want to rake leaves and jump in the piles and come inside smelling like autumn. i want to curl up in front of the heater with a blanket wrapped around me. i want my mom to rub my back. i want to sing with my dad. i want to play barbies with lizzie and try to figure out how to convince my mom to let us leave our mess out for just one more day. i want to go to an nsync concert. i want to ride to mckinley on my blue schwinn and look at the postings to see which teacher i was assigned. i want to go to linnwood beach and take a quarter into the candy shop and buy 25 pieces of miscellaneous goods, like juju coins, mini laffy taffies, and the yummy cinnamon bears i have never found anywere else. i want my dad to push me on a swing and run around playing. i want to wear a pink one piece bathing suit with blue polka dots and frills on the butt. i want to go bike riding with my dad. i want to race triton around the back yard. i want to push mazzy around in my little stroller. i want to write my name on the steamed windows in the kitchen while my mom makes enough spaghetti to feed all six of us. i want to sit at a loud dinner table. i want to watch growing pains and saved by the bell with my sisters. i want to walk home with leslie and go to the buckeye tree to pick up souvenirs. i want to eat tomato soup out of my little mermaid thermos. i want to listen to the countdown on 92.3. i want to listen to old tlc, circa the "waterfalls" era. i want to read a sweet valley twins and friends book, or reembrace the babysitters club. i want to watch good cartoons on saturday morning. i want to eat eggo waffles and enjoy that bite with butter in every square, soaked in syrup. i am actually wishing to relive the sunday mornings everyone spent arguing to get into the shower so we could make it to church on time. i want all four kids to line up to run down the stairs to our stockings on christmas morning. i want to play tennis with my dad. i want my mom to make us hot cocoa after a snowball fight in the backyard. i want an itchy easter dress and a competitive egg hunt. i want to come home on the last day of school wearing my beauty & the beast backpack, report card in hand, excited because "i will be a __grader next year!"
i really want to be little again, and this time around, i want to spend less time wishing i were big.
i really want to be little again, and this time around, i want to spend less time wishing i were big.