BSG FIC: Youth's Final Luxury (Part 4/6)
Title: Youth's Final Luxury (Part 4/6)
Author: lls_mutant
Rating: PG-13-ish
Characters: Felix Gaeta and Tom Zarek
Pairings: Gaeta/Skulls, Gaeta/Baltar, unrequited Zarek/Roslin
Story Summary: Tom Zarek and Felix Gaeta didn't have much to do with each other, until they were both working for President Gaius Baltar.
Chapter Summary: The Cylon occupation begins.
Spoilers: Mostly set on New Caprica, but through 4.10 eventually.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
"Felix, come on. You guys have got to give me something to work with here," Galen said, pounding the table in frustration. "This isn't employment- this is slavery."
Felix cringed, because Galen was exactly right and there was nothing he could do. Get off your fat asses and do some work for a change was not going to go over well. "I know," he said helplessly. "I really do, and I'm doing everything I can to-"
Galen looked him right in the eye. "It's not enough."
Felix bit his lip and looked away. "I know," he repeated.
"Look, Felix," Galen entreated, "you can do more than this. You helped us get the sulfates we needed. You went behind Baltar's back and got more medicine from the Galactica. You got Cavett's crew the parts they needed."
"I know."
"So why the frak aren't you doing anything now?"
Felix clenched his fists in his pockets. "I am trying, Galen. I really am. But the President won't listen, and without him-"
"Frak the President," Galen said, glaring at him. "I'm not asking the frakking President to give us a decision. You do it."
"I'm not authorized-"
"Frak it." Galen knocked the papers off the desk. "Frak this, Gaeta, and frak the President, and frak you." He stormed out of the tent, and Felix knelt to pick up the papers that were strewn about.
"Galen?" Cally pushed aside the flap and entered the union tent, awkward and graceless with pregnancy. "Galen?"
"He's not here," Felix said, still kneeling on the packed dirt floor.
Cally surveyed the scene. "I take it the meeting didn't go too well," she said with a sigh.
"You might say that." She began to bend down to help him gather the papers, and he stopped her. "Don't. Please."
"What happened?"
"Nothing," Felix sighed. "Exactly nothing."
Cally had an easy face to read, and he could see it all clicking in her mind. "Well, is there anything you could have done?" she demanded.
"No! If there was, don't you think I'd do it?"
"No," Cally said calmly. "Not if it meant going against Baltar."
"Watch it, Cally," he warned.
"Are you still frakking him?" she pushed.
"Cally, you know I haven't! Not for three months! Stop it!" He struggled to his feet.
"Then why won't you just walk away? He's no good for you, Felix!"
"Says the woman who married a guy who broke her jaw," he snapped.
Cally slapped him.
They stared at each other, the sound of her hand against his face echoing through the tent. Felix thought of how just a week ago he'd eaten dinner with Cally and Galen, and they'd talked about the baby coming and Cally had hinted that they might be asking him to be godfather. He closed his eyes and ground out, "I'm sorry."
"It's all right," Cally said miserably. "I'm… I'm going to go find Galen."
Felix watched her go, and then knelt back down to finish gathering the papers. But as he did, his legs gave out beneath him, and he sat on the cold dirt floor, staring blindly around him. Why didn't he walk away? He had someplace else to go- Cottle had made his offer five months ago, but it was still open. Felix had considered it, even gone so far as to go down to the medical tent. But going in would have been giving up- not on Gaius, but on New Caprica- and Felix couldn't do that. Not yet.
But he wished he could.
He was still sitting there when he heard a strange sound, something like a flight of Raptors, but not really. He struggled to his feet, stomping them to return the feeling- how long had he been sitting?- and then looked outside.
Raiders streaked across the New Caprican sky.
For a moment, he was frozen in shock and he could only stare. Then he was running, running as fast as he could against the crowd and over muddy roads and discarded trash, until he whipped into a Raptor. Hex was already there, shaking his head.
"They're gone," Hex said, white and shaking. "The Fleet- they're gone."
Felix shrank back, nodded, and began running again.
***
The clanging sound of Centurian joints sent chills down Tom's spine as the seemingly endless parade marched through the marketplace. He saw a small child hide behind his mother's skirt, an old man with tears streaking down into his beard. Ex-military, their faces set hard and determined. People who thought they'd built a life, uprooted in horror.
And yet, they still stood there. No nukes exploded, no bullets rang out, no blood was spilled. It could only mean one thing: occupation.
Surrender.
***
He surrendered. The blood roared in Felix's ears, and for a moment he thought he would attack Baltar himself. The bastard surrendered.
This was supposed to be their home. This was supposed to be a fresh start. And he- Gaius, President Gaius frakking Baltar- was supposed to be the guardian of it. And he surrendered.
Felix had thought he'd been nursing a broken heart for months now. In the moment that Gaius Baltar handed them all to the Cylons, he discovered he was wrong.
***
Tom approached Colonial One nervously. The Centurians standing guard stepped aside, and he a few Fives and Fours regarded him as he entered the ship, but none of them stopped him.
The staff was already assembled in Gaius's office. Gaius himself looked like shit, slumped over at his desk, head cradled in his hands, shirt stained and wrinkled. The scent of stale liquor hung about him and pervaded the room, even with several other people present.
"And I think that you'll find we're more than reasonable." A One was speaking, gesturing like a slightly dirty grandpa patronizing younger men. "What we're asking- ordering, really, but let's keep a friendly face on it for now- is for us all to work for a brighter tomorrow." He used his fingers to make air quotes around the last two words, and Tom grit his teeth. "And we expect this administration to cooperate."
"And if we don't?" Tom asked.
Everyone turned to face him. He put his hands in his pockets and casually leaned against the wall, the posture of his body not betraying the pounding of his heart. Across the room, he spotted Felix, standing with a colorless face and a flare of hope in his eyes. Tom set his mouth and glared at the One.
"Excuse me?" the One said.
"I said, what if we don't cooperate?" Tom pushed to stand upright. "What if we say 'no, we don't want you here, we want our freedom'?"
The One snorted, like Tom was a child. "Then we'll overrun you, nuke the population, and that will be the end of the human race," he said simply. "But that's not what we're looking for. We're here to live in peace. To create a new society."
"Maybe we'd rather be dead than be slaves to your new society," Tom suggested.
"Well, I don't think you have the authority to make that decision, do you? You're not President."
They both looked over at Gaius, who still hadn't looked up. "You're surrendering," Tom said finally, although he had known that before he walked in.
"I don't have a choice," Gaius said.
Tom shook his head, and then looked back at the One. "I'm not."
The One smiled. "Are you going to let him talk like that, Mr. President?"
Gaius scowled. "What are you expecting? That I'll shoot him in the head? There will go any vision of a peaceful society, and you'll have an open revolt."
"He's right," one of the tall blond Sixes said. "We don't want that."
"Well, then. Drag him off to detention. It sends the message that we expect cooperation, but without the blood." The One dismissed it as an easy fix. "And if he gives you any trouble, then shoot him."
"Wait." Gaius leaned forward, and everyone looked at him. "Tom. Tom, are you sure that this is what you want to do? What do you, you of all people, owe humanity?"
Tom looked at Gaius, weak and quailing in his chair. He thought of the years alone, not wasted but given for a cause, for something he believed in. He thought of the nights of the election campaign when they'd talked about building a new society, and how easily Gaius had betrayed that dream, just so he could stay alive. He turned away in disgust.
He could back out, could back away. But he could never look in the mirror again.
Across the room, his eyes met Felix's. There was steel there, and pride. Somehow, Tom knew that Felix wasn't going to surrender either. The young man was looking at him with respect, with… with an expression that Tom had never really hoped to see in this lifetime. He smiled grimly, and then turned to Gaius.
"This is what I want to do. I will not ever collaborate."
"And what do you do now, Mr. President?" the One taunted.
Gaius shuddered and closed his eyes. "Take him to detention," he ordered.
As the Four and the Five herded him out at gunpoint, he heard the One ask, "Anyone else?" He waited, ready for Felix to follow.
But no one answered.
***
The room was silent. Felix swallowed hard around the lump in his throat and looked down at his shoes, willing himself to disappear. Unfortunately, he didn't.
An Eight stopped in front of him, and he forced himself to keep his breathing steady. It couldn't be… it couldn't be… it was.
"Are you going to give us trouble, too, Gaeta?" Boomer asked quietly.
The atmosphere was so taut that Felix was afraid even the wrong breath would tear it to shreds. He shook his head, not looking her in the eyes. "No," he said, his voice quavering with effort.
She studied him, and his heart almost stopped. He remembered that he used to like her, back when she and Chief were an item and he'd cringed every time she landed. She knew him, knew his convictions, and he knew he had one chance to play this right. He looked up, met her gaze, and then looked over at Gaius sitting hunched in his chair. Boomer looked over her shoulder, and then back at Felix, raising her eyebrows. He nodded once and looked down, attempting to fake embarrassment and finding that it was the real thing. Boomer smirked and then nodded once at the others.
Felix let himself breathe, quietly. He'd passed.
The One began talking again, outlining the Cylon vision for this shared dream. Felix slunk to the back of the room, hands trembling as he half-listened.
A part of him had wanted to follow Tom. No, not wanted, but demanded to follow. It was a matter of principle. But one thing that Felix had learned from Tom over the past year was that principles were all very well and good, but it was practicality that kept you alive.
The ends justify the means. Tom had never told him that, but Felix had always known that that was what he believed. And now, the means were collaborating, well enough to get the Cylons to trust him, well enough to become important and get information. Because the end result was going to be defeating the Cylons, and Felix was willing to use any means at all to do it.
***
"We're going to have to build a better facility," the Five told the Two as they entered the Astral Queen. "This ship isn't very imposing."
"We agree," said the Two. He looked around at the place distastefully. "The Ones have something in mind already."
"Figures," the Five sighed. He pushed Tom along with his gun. Tom stumbled forward almost blindly. "Got one already."
The Two raised his eyebrows. "Isn't that the Vice President?"
The Five shrugged. "Guess so." He rooted through a pile of gray clothing and handed Tom a shirt and pants. "Better get comfortable," he said with a wicked smile.
Tom took the clothing, knowing all too well he wasn't going to get privacy to change. Fear began to choke him, and his fingers fumbled with the buttons of his shirt as if they'd grown too large to maneuver. But he stripped the shirt off as casually as possible, trying to push away the idea that these were not humans watching him, and therefore would accord him no human rights, no decency. There were no laws that protected prisoners in the Cylon-human war.
Tom really didn't like that thought.
It wasn't the same cell he'd occupied before the attack- the universe wasn't that ironic. But as the Five thrust him in and slammed the door, the clang of metal on metal echoed through his soul and forced him back in time, and everything he'd accomplished since the attack came collapsing down around him.
Once again, Tom Zarek was a prisoner.
***
The faces of the humans were closed now. No one met Felix's eye when he walked through the town, and no one spoke to him. He heard muttered curses and crude names, but they were rarely directly thrown at him… just said when he happened to be in the vicinity. He couldn't blame any of them.
He was walking through the marketplace when a hand reached out and grabbed him, and he was yanked back into the union tent.
"Felix," Galen whispered. "Are you all right?"
Felix shook his head. "Yeah. Why?"
Galen stared at him, and Felix suddenly realized that he was looking for physical marks; signs that he'd been tortured and forced to collaborate. He bowed his head.
It would be so easy to tell Galen what he'd planned. And he wanted to. But he didn't know what Galen was planning, if he would protect humanity or protect his family. And if he got caught even before he began… it would be catastrophic.
"I'm fine," he said, pushing away slightly. "It's… I'm fine."
"Yeah." Galen's hand dropped from his arm, and his face closed off. "Yeah, I see that." He looked like he wanted to say more, but his face was hardening and Felix could feel the distance between them increasing and growing cold as they stared at each other.
"Look, I should go," Felix said. "I'm late. Tell Cally… tell Cally to take care. Stay safe."
"Right. Like you," Galen said with a note of disgust. He glared at Felix one more time and then left.
"Yeah," Felix sighed. "Like me."
***
There were a few other inmates that had been taken early. Several were former military; Tom could tell that just from their bearing when they were brought in. Every time a Cylon passed his cell with a new prisoner, he extended his hand through the bars in solidarity. Every time he heard those footsteps his heart leapt, and he rushed to see if he knew the prisoner being brought in… if it was Felix.
It never was.
Locked in the Astral Queen, Tom had no sense of time. But he was pretty sure it wasn't long before the Cylons were hauling them outside, putting them to work under a guard of Centurians. The incarcerated humans were a very small knot of the work force, put to mixing concrete. The irony of the entire situation was not lost on him, and a bitter mirth sustained him.
Hours of work, and then hours of solitude, confined to a cell. Humiliation and hunger, anger and helplessness. All things he thought he'd left behind him, things he'd thought belonged to a past life. All things he'd never wanted to take up again, but at least he knew he could.
"I'll survive this," he repeated each night. "I'll survive."
***
Days slipped by.
The shock was not that Gaius had had a Cylon lover before the Colonies were attacked. After all, so had Galen Tyrol. And Felix wasn't even shocked that she was a look-alike of that Shelly Godfrey. Gaius had said Godfrey was a Cylon after all. No, the shock was that Gaius began sleeping with her after what her people had done, and that she moved into his room on Colonial One with all the trappings of commitment.
It didn't hurt, not like that. And yet, he retreated to his office, seething in frustration as he bent to the will of the Cylons day after day.
He became cut off from the humans, acting only as a voice on a loudspeaker and a messenger to the union, relaying Cylon orders. He hated himself, hated helping them, but there was nothing else he could do.
***
A Five stood over them, watching the convicts work. Tom shoveled the rocks, muscles screaming in agony.
There was blood on the Five's shirt.
It wasn't much- just little dots, like someone had been shot at close range. And when a Six asked him about it, Tom heard that the execution had taken place on Colonial One, but couldn't hear any further details.
Someone he knew was murdered, dead at the hands of the Cylons because they wouldn't cooperate. He couldn't figure out if he hoped it was or wasn't Felix.
Probably a bit of both.
***
"Sign this, Gaeta."
The Five- Felix was pretty sure it was Doral- shoved the paper in front of him. Felix scanned it quickly. Cutting rations again. He glanced at Doral and saw his nostrils flare with impatience.
"Just sign it."
It wasn't pretty, but it wasn't fatal. Felix dreaded the day they put one in front of him that was, but figured he probably wasn't important enough. Those blows would have to be delivered by Baltar. He signed the paper, his signature rough and like black lines cutting through his soul.
Doral smiled at him. "There, that wasn't so hard, was it?" he asked, and then left the office.
Felix sat back, surrounded by piles of papers and regulations, codes and uselessness. Nothing the Cylons had given him would be of any use to anyone. He bent over his desk and rubbed his eyes.
"Felix." Felix looked up to see Gaius standing in the door, disheveled and distraught. "Can I come in?"
"Can't stop you, Mr. President," Felix said resignedly.
Gaius came in and shut the door. "You have no idea how good it is to get away from them," he said, clearing off a chair.
"I'm sure," Felix murmured.
"Honestly, they think they understand human vagaries, but it's only becoming more and more of a mess." Gaius sat down in the chair. "But what could I do? I ask you, Felix, what could I do? If I didn't allow them here, they would have blown us all to bits. Without your friends on the Galactica and the Pegasus, we had no hope."
"I know, sir."
Gaius reached in his pocket and pulled out his pills, and Felix sighed heavily. Gaius paused, eyebrows raised, and then put them back away. "Yes, you don't like that, do you?" he asked. There was something about his voice and the tilt of his head that sent a shaft of apprehension through Felix. He swallowed hard as Gaius leaned back and looked out the window over the settlement. "I wish more people would cooperate. The Cylons are getting angry, and I'm not sure how to placate them for much longer."
"Yes." Felix saw his opportunity and cleared his throat hopefully. "Sir, if you need help, I could take on more work. It's not like I have a life to go home to anyway."
"Thank you, Felix, I'll keep that in mind."
"Really, sir. Anything I can do to help."
He was busy thinking of what he could accomplish if he had more access to information, and so it was a shock when Gaius leaned across the desk and kissed him. For a long moment Felix couldn't pull away.
"You can help me," Gaius whispered, cupping his cheek.
"Gaius…."
"I need to feel human, to be human. You've always done that for me, Felix. You've always been there when I needed you. I need you now, desperately."
Felix stood and pushed him away. "No," he said, his voice strangled. "Gaius…."
Gaius seemed genuinely bewildered, and it occurred to Felix that what he'd always thought was true- Gaius had no idea of the impact his actions had had on him. Not really. It had never registered. "You've never said no before," Gaius pointed out.
And the world came crashing down around him, yet again.
It wasn't that Gaius would force him, Felix had absolutely no illusions about that. There would be no threats, and if he continued his protests, Gaius would leave. But he would leave hurt and offended, his ego wounded and wondering at Felix's odd behavior. He'd begin to ask questions, to investigate, to watch him carefully, to attempt to seduce him back because Gaius would never believe he'd been refused.
He was trapped.
Gaius was still watching him, and Felix shook his head. "It's just… Caprica Six," he said lamely.
"Oh." Gaius stepped closer and pulled Felix in close. "Well, we just won't let her know." Gaius kissed him and then his hands were working at Felix's pants. The fabric fell to the ground, pooling at his feet, and Gaius put his hands on his shoulders and turned him around, bending him over his desk.
It wasn't physically painful; to Gaius, this was an act of pleasure for them both, like it always had been. He was considerate- as considerate as Gaius ever was in bed, anyway. But Felix kept his eyes closed throughout, and when it was over and Gaius finally left the office, comforted and buoyed, Felix put his head down on his desk and cried.
***
The Cylons were a hell of a lot more organized than they were, Tom could give them that. After a month, the new Detention Ministry rose up above the city, foreboding and gray. And then he was marched inside and pushed into a small cell, and he began to wonder if he'd ever see the outside of the Ministry again.
The cells were worse than the Astral Queen. There, he could see the other prisoners, and even talk to them to an extent. There was no privacy, but there was companionship. Here, in his cell with bright lights and no windows and rough concrete walls, there was nothing. No one.
Tom told himself he could stand it, but as he lost all track of time and space, he was beginning to wonder if he could.
***
He heard screams from his cell. Sometimes they were female, sometimes they were male, and the latter actually chilled him more. He huddled in a corner, telling himself that it was only the screams of insanity, of people wanting out. But he knew it wasn't true.
***
They came for him one day. He'd been expecting it, and managed to stand up and greet the Three and the Five with a smile. "What took you so long?" was all he said.
They led him down the corridor, past closed and locked doors and wails and babblings. As they passed a metal tank he caught a distorted glimpse of himself; rough and unshaven, ragged hair, filthy clothing and haggard eyes. He smiled grimly, raising his chin in challenge.
A Four tied Tom to a chair, securing him with zip ties. That was when his heart began to creep up into his throat and his insides began to twist, especially when the door opened and a One walked in.
He wasn't sure if this was the One called Cavil- they all looked alike to him. But he was sure that this was the last model he wanted to face down, because the Ones, the Cavils… they were bloodthirsty. That much he'd learned already.
There were long, slender glass rods laid out on a tray. Tom tried not to look, but his eyes were drawn to them. "I have to say," the One said, sitting down across from him, "I find your people very tiresome to work with. Very unorganized and inefficient. I should have known- I've worked with them before and your settlement leaves much to be desired- but nevertheless I am a little bit surprised."
"Sorry to disappoint you," Tom said, managing to sound confident and unconcerned.
"I'm sure. But if you really feel that way, you'll come back and work for our government. See, I've done some research on you, Mr. Zarek. Not only are you a very famous name, but you've been one of the few effective administrators around here. People apparently listen to you."
"News to me," Tom said. "As you said, you've seen the settlement."
The One nodded at the Four, and he picked up one of the long glass rods. As he did so, Tom could see the wires extending from it to a power source, and his mouth went dry. He braced himself as the Four inserted it into his ear, and then his nerves exploded into pain. He was vaguely aware that he screamed, but there would have been no way to stop it.
The pain left as abruptly as it came, and he was left slumped in the chair, panting.
"I think there will be less joking," One said, and Tom wished with all his might that he could come up with a snappy comeback line right then and there. "Are you willing to work for us, Mr. Zarek?"
"Over my dead body," Tom ground out.
The Five cleared his throat meaningfully, but the One sighed. "No, I suppose we're not there yet. Someday, perhaps." The One turned his attention back to Tom. "But let's see if we can… persuade you."
And the pain began again.
***
He'd only cried the once; Felix was grimly proud about that. After that, he'd firmly told himself to man up, shoulder his responsibilities, and remember that people had bigger problems than frakking an ex they hated. At least he was safe, he had more food than most, and he had some freedom. So on those occasions that Baltar came into his office or called him into his, Felix went through with it and told himself it was no big deal.
He was on his knees under the President's desk when the door opened. Gaius, who had been tipped back in his chair, jerked to attention, hitting Felix's head against the desk. Felix choked and swore at the same time, and then came up in a fit of coughing, only to meet the very interested gaze of Caprica Six, Boomer, and Leoben.
"Oh, frak," was all he could say.
Gaius snapped himself to some semblance of dignity. "Well, I, you see-" he began, shoving himself back into his pants. Leoben was snickering and Boomer was tactfully looking away, but Caprica Six was just standing there with her arms crossed, eyebrows raised, and an amused smirk playing on her lips.
"You're going to let them treat you like that?" Leoben asked her.
"You know there's far more to love than sex," Caprica Six told him. "As does Gaius."
Boomer rolled her eyes at them and reached down, offering Felix a hand to stand. He started to ignore it, but as he got to his feet he remembered how much such a gesture would say and accepted it. Just as well, because as he stood the world wobbled.
"Are you all right?" she asked him. Her face was sympathetic and it was so, so easy to think of her as Boomer just then, and to nod.
"Yeah. I'm fine." He cast another wary glance at Caprica Six, but she didn't seem intent on tossing him into detention or shooting him in the head.
Boomer took pity on him. "Look, it's late. Why don't you go home? Unless you really want to be here right now?"
Not particularly. He nodded, and she smiled and gestured for him to go.
Felix numbly pulled on his jacket and stepped outside Colonial One. He got all of twelve steps away when the urge to vomit was too great, and he had to step out of the path and bend over as his stomach rebelled. The blood pounded in his head and his ears, and his body shook, but it felt almost cleansing.
A hand was on his back, and he tried to jerk away but overbalanced. Whoever it was caught him, and helped him stand. Felix wiped his mouth and noticed with surprise that it was James Lyman-Jammer, who'd been working with Tyrol for so long. The thought of Tyrol made him cringe, and so he focused on the wide brown eyes facing him.
"Hey," Jammer said, all concern, "are you okay?"
"Yeah," Felix gasped, straightening up and wiping his mouth on his sleeve. "Sorry."
"'Sokay," Jammer said. There was something twitchy about him, something edgy and nervous. It took Felix a long moment to recognize that it was simple decency and human concern warring with wondering if he was the enemy. He closed his eyes. "You really look like you could use a drink," Jammer said.
Felix nodded. "I'll buy," he said, the words like ashes in his mouth. If nothing else, the alcohol would burn away the bitterness of bile, and the taste of Gaius underneath.
They sat together awkwardly, at an out-of-the way table that Felix had gone to automatically. Funny, he hadn't set foot inside this tent since the occupation began, and the table he instinctively went to was the one he and Tom had sat at so many nights. He looked at the table, wondering how Tom was doing and praying he was still alive and whole.
"You okay?" Jammer asked him, and Felix wondered how bad he must look that Jammer felt it so necessary to ask him that many times.
"Fine," he said hollowly. They both knew he was lying, but Jammer seemed caught up in his own thoughts.
"Gaeta," he began slowly, "the New Caprica Police. The names for that, they're confidential, right?"
Felix studied him. Jammer seemed uncomfortable, although Felix suspected he knew where this was going. "Why would you need to know?" he asked.
"No reason," Jammer said, too lightly.
Well, there were two possible reasons. The papers Felix had finally managed to smuggle from the office burned hot in his jacket, and he leaned in, glancing around the room furtively.
"Either you're planning to join the NCP, or you're a member of the Resistance," he said in a low voice. "Which is it?"
Jammer forced a laugh. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Hope flared in Felix's heart. "The Resistance," he whispered. "Do you know people in it?"
"Why do you want to know?"
Felix opened his mouth and then shut it again, because he couldn't tell Jammer. If Jammer knew, and then was captured… and that was assuming that Jammer was a member of the Resistance. Which Felix didn't know for sure. With a start of horror, he realized he couldn't trust the young man sitting in front of him, and for no good reason. And as Jammer watched him suspiciously, Felix realized he felt the same way.
"Well, frak," he said helplessly, sitting back.
Jammer picked up his drink. "Yeah," he said, just as helplessly. "Frak."
***
He was back in his cell. Tom waited until the Cylons left him and then collapsed on the floor, limbs trembling uncontrollably.
His lips were parched and the skin on his hands was cracked, and for some reason those two things hurt more than anything else, sharp stabbing pains that wouldn't let him sleep and escape. One knee was aching as well, sending shooting pains up his leg. But he couldn't bring himself to move, because no position was comfortable.
For a moment, he wished he could say yes, wished he could say he'd collaborate. But there were worse things than torture, and Tom was not going to sell his soul.
***
The papers couldn't stay in his tent, and Felix had no one to give them to. He had his suspicions of who might be involved in the Resistance, but the only names he knew for sure were the names of those incarcerated, and that did him no good. For two days he walked around with the memos in his jacket, on edge with a frenetic energy and trying not to jump every time someone spoke to him.
He was walking to the water reclamation plant with the plans for some launchpad when he passed the medical tent and the idea seized him. He clung to it like a drowning man to a life preserver and darted inside.
For a moment, he wished he hadn't.
The tent was full, both skinjobs and people. A man slept on the floor, his face white and his head pillowed in his wife's lap. A snuffling child was whimpering, a bandaged cut on her forehead. A woman was crying desperately, and the face of the human doctor helping her was a mask of grief. It was a collection of misery worse than anything he'd seen on the streets of New Caprica, and for a moment all Felix could do was stand and stare.
The sound of metal on metal pulled his attention, and a privacy curtain was pushed back. He spotted Seelix sliding gingerly off the examining table. The doctor, a younger woman with a messy ponytail that spoke of hours of work, helped her sympathetically. Felix stared, because he was pretty sure women weren't that sore after a routine exam, and he'd suspected that this was happening. He bit his lip and looked away.
The doctor said something to Seelix and then came over, her face hard. "What do you want?" she demanded ungraciously. "I've got work to do."
"I need to see Doctor Cottle."
"Yeah, well, he's in surgery. So if that's all you want, get out of here and get back up to Colonial One and keep ruining all our lives."
There was so much anger and bitterness in her voice that Felix perked up. If she wasn't a member of the Resistance, maybe she knew someone… but she was no friend of the Cylons. "Can you help me?" he asked.
She huffed irritably and pushed an escaped tendril of hair out of her eyes. "Fine, if it will get you out of my sight quicker," she said, and then loudly added, "Come on, Mr. Gaeta, and we'll see what we can do about that rash."
"Very funny," he muttered as she led him back to the exam table and pulled the curtain.
"Well?" she said ungraciously once they were alone, "what is it?"
Felix looked around unnecessarily and leaned in. "Listen," he said, pulling out the papers, heart in his throat. "I need to get these to the Resistance. Do you know anyone in it?"
"Do you really think I'd tell you?" the doctor asked. But as she looked down at the papers, her eyes widened. "These are Cylon positions."
"I told you," Felix said desperately. "Can you help me?"
She touched the papers tentatively, and then suddenly pulled back. "Why now?" she demanded. "The Cylons have been here for two months and you haven't lifted a finger to help us before."
"I haven't been able to get anything like this before," Felix told her, smacking the papers against his palm. "Before this, all they gave me was busywork and information that would be absolutely no use to anyone. It took time for them to trust me."
"How do you know they won't figure out it's you?"
Felix swallowed and looked away. "Something happened two days ago that made me into a huge joke for them. They won't take me seriously- at least, not as a threat."
"What happened?" she snorted, "did they catch you giving Baltar a blow job?" He was silent, lips clenched together, and she paled. "Oh, Gods, I'm sorry. That was amazingly insensitive of me, I-" but then she shook herself, as if she remembered who she was talking to. "Look," she said, "I can't serve as your go between. The skin jobs are in here all the time."
Felix shook his head. "What about a dead drop?" he said. "If we could set up a location and you could let someone know where it is and the signal… actually, that would be best. I wouldn't know the name of the person getting the information, and they wouldn't know mine. That way if one of us is caught…." His breath caught in his throat and he couldn't go on.
But the doctor was nodding vigorously. "There's a garbage dump right across the way," she said in a low voice. "I know it pretty well because I live right next to it. There's a drawer you could use- do you know the one I'm talking about?"
Felix nodded. "And a signal?"
She thought, and then leaned even closer. "I have a dog," she said. "Jake. He has a yellow food bowl. When there's a message in the dump, flip it over. I'll keep an eye out and make sure I don't flip it back and fill it until it's picked up."
"Got it."
She studied him one more time. "If you're lying about this, I'll turn you into the Cylons myself, and I'll make sure you don't leave that prison of theirs."
"I'm not lying," Felix said.
She gave him that skeptical look one more time and then opened the curtain. "That should take care of it, Mr. Gaeta," she said loudly. "Just put some cream on it and stop playing with it so much, and it should clear up in days."
"I hate you," he said under the laughter of the people listening, but he moved away.
Across the tent he spotted the Tyrols sitting together. Galen was holding a small bundle wrapped in a ragged gray blanket, and with a start he realized that he hadn't heard she'd had the baby, didn't know the name… didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl. Cally still looked pregnant, and Felix supposed that meant it had been very recently. He caught her eye, but she glared at him and then turned away.
The doctor came out from the examining room. "Mr. and Mrs. Tyrol?" Felix heard her ask as he left, "I can see Nicholas now."
Part 5
Author: lls_mutant
Rating: PG-13-ish
Characters: Felix Gaeta and Tom Zarek
Pairings: Gaeta/Skulls, Gaeta/Baltar, unrequited Zarek/Roslin
Story Summary: Tom Zarek and Felix Gaeta didn't have much to do with each other, until they were both working for President Gaius Baltar.
Chapter Summary: The Cylon occupation begins.
Spoilers: Mostly set on New Caprica, but through 4.10 eventually.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
"Felix, come on. You guys have got to give me something to work with here," Galen said, pounding the table in frustration. "This isn't employment- this is slavery."
Felix cringed, because Galen was exactly right and there was nothing he could do. Get off your fat asses and do some work for a change was not going to go over well. "I know," he said helplessly. "I really do, and I'm doing everything I can to-"
Galen looked him right in the eye. "It's not enough."
Felix bit his lip and looked away. "I know," he repeated.
"Look, Felix," Galen entreated, "you can do more than this. You helped us get the sulfates we needed. You went behind Baltar's back and got more medicine from the Galactica. You got Cavett's crew the parts they needed."
"I know."
"So why the frak aren't you doing anything now?"
Felix clenched his fists in his pockets. "I am trying, Galen. I really am. But the President won't listen, and without him-"
"Frak the President," Galen said, glaring at him. "I'm not asking the frakking President to give us a decision. You do it."
"I'm not authorized-"
"Frak it." Galen knocked the papers off the desk. "Frak this, Gaeta, and frak the President, and frak you." He stormed out of the tent, and Felix knelt to pick up the papers that were strewn about.
"Galen?" Cally pushed aside the flap and entered the union tent, awkward and graceless with pregnancy. "Galen?"
"He's not here," Felix said, still kneeling on the packed dirt floor.
Cally surveyed the scene. "I take it the meeting didn't go too well," she said with a sigh.
"You might say that." She began to bend down to help him gather the papers, and he stopped her. "Don't. Please."
"What happened?"
"Nothing," Felix sighed. "Exactly nothing."
Cally had an easy face to read, and he could see it all clicking in her mind. "Well, is there anything you could have done?" she demanded.
"No! If there was, don't you think I'd do it?"
"No," Cally said calmly. "Not if it meant going against Baltar."
"Watch it, Cally," he warned.
"Are you still frakking him?" she pushed.
"Cally, you know I haven't! Not for three months! Stop it!" He struggled to his feet.
"Then why won't you just walk away? He's no good for you, Felix!"
"Says the woman who married a guy who broke her jaw," he snapped.
Cally slapped him.
They stared at each other, the sound of her hand against his face echoing through the tent. Felix thought of how just a week ago he'd eaten dinner with Cally and Galen, and they'd talked about the baby coming and Cally had hinted that they might be asking him to be godfather. He closed his eyes and ground out, "I'm sorry."
"It's all right," Cally said miserably. "I'm… I'm going to go find Galen."
Felix watched her go, and then knelt back down to finish gathering the papers. But as he did, his legs gave out beneath him, and he sat on the cold dirt floor, staring blindly around him. Why didn't he walk away? He had someplace else to go- Cottle had made his offer five months ago, but it was still open. Felix had considered it, even gone so far as to go down to the medical tent. But going in would have been giving up- not on Gaius, but on New Caprica- and Felix couldn't do that. Not yet.
But he wished he could.
He was still sitting there when he heard a strange sound, something like a flight of Raptors, but not really. He struggled to his feet, stomping them to return the feeling- how long had he been sitting?- and then looked outside.
Raiders streaked across the New Caprican sky.
For a moment, he was frozen in shock and he could only stare. Then he was running, running as fast as he could against the crowd and over muddy roads and discarded trash, until he whipped into a Raptor. Hex was already there, shaking his head.
"They're gone," Hex said, white and shaking. "The Fleet- they're gone."
Felix shrank back, nodded, and began running again.
***
The clanging sound of Centurian joints sent chills down Tom's spine as the seemingly endless parade marched through the marketplace. He saw a small child hide behind his mother's skirt, an old man with tears streaking down into his beard. Ex-military, their faces set hard and determined. People who thought they'd built a life, uprooted in horror.
And yet, they still stood there. No nukes exploded, no bullets rang out, no blood was spilled. It could only mean one thing: occupation.
Surrender.
***
He surrendered. The blood roared in Felix's ears, and for a moment he thought he would attack Baltar himself. The bastard surrendered.
This was supposed to be their home. This was supposed to be a fresh start. And he- Gaius, President Gaius frakking Baltar- was supposed to be the guardian of it. And he surrendered.
Felix had thought he'd been nursing a broken heart for months now. In the moment that Gaius Baltar handed them all to the Cylons, he discovered he was wrong.
***
Tom approached Colonial One nervously. The Centurians standing guard stepped aside, and he a few Fives and Fours regarded him as he entered the ship, but none of them stopped him.
The staff was already assembled in Gaius's office. Gaius himself looked like shit, slumped over at his desk, head cradled in his hands, shirt stained and wrinkled. The scent of stale liquor hung about him and pervaded the room, even with several other people present.
"And I think that you'll find we're more than reasonable." A One was speaking, gesturing like a slightly dirty grandpa patronizing younger men. "What we're asking- ordering, really, but let's keep a friendly face on it for now- is for us all to work for a brighter tomorrow." He used his fingers to make air quotes around the last two words, and Tom grit his teeth. "And we expect this administration to cooperate."
"And if we don't?" Tom asked.
Everyone turned to face him. He put his hands in his pockets and casually leaned against the wall, the posture of his body not betraying the pounding of his heart. Across the room, he spotted Felix, standing with a colorless face and a flare of hope in his eyes. Tom set his mouth and glared at the One.
"Excuse me?" the One said.
"I said, what if we don't cooperate?" Tom pushed to stand upright. "What if we say 'no, we don't want you here, we want our freedom'?"
The One snorted, like Tom was a child. "Then we'll overrun you, nuke the population, and that will be the end of the human race," he said simply. "But that's not what we're looking for. We're here to live in peace. To create a new society."
"Maybe we'd rather be dead than be slaves to your new society," Tom suggested.
"Well, I don't think you have the authority to make that decision, do you? You're not President."
They both looked over at Gaius, who still hadn't looked up. "You're surrendering," Tom said finally, although he had known that before he walked in.
"I don't have a choice," Gaius said.
Tom shook his head, and then looked back at the One. "I'm not."
The One smiled. "Are you going to let him talk like that, Mr. President?"
Gaius scowled. "What are you expecting? That I'll shoot him in the head? There will go any vision of a peaceful society, and you'll have an open revolt."
"He's right," one of the tall blond Sixes said. "We don't want that."
"Well, then. Drag him off to detention. It sends the message that we expect cooperation, but without the blood." The One dismissed it as an easy fix. "And if he gives you any trouble, then shoot him."
"Wait." Gaius leaned forward, and everyone looked at him. "Tom. Tom, are you sure that this is what you want to do? What do you, you of all people, owe humanity?"
Tom looked at Gaius, weak and quailing in his chair. He thought of the years alone, not wasted but given for a cause, for something he believed in. He thought of the nights of the election campaign when they'd talked about building a new society, and how easily Gaius had betrayed that dream, just so he could stay alive. He turned away in disgust.
He could back out, could back away. But he could never look in the mirror again.
Across the room, his eyes met Felix's. There was steel there, and pride. Somehow, Tom knew that Felix wasn't going to surrender either. The young man was looking at him with respect, with… with an expression that Tom had never really hoped to see in this lifetime. He smiled grimly, and then turned to Gaius.
"This is what I want to do. I will not ever collaborate."
"And what do you do now, Mr. President?" the One taunted.
Gaius shuddered and closed his eyes. "Take him to detention," he ordered.
As the Four and the Five herded him out at gunpoint, he heard the One ask, "Anyone else?" He waited, ready for Felix to follow.
But no one answered.
***
The room was silent. Felix swallowed hard around the lump in his throat and looked down at his shoes, willing himself to disappear. Unfortunately, he didn't.
An Eight stopped in front of him, and he forced himself to keep his breathing steady. It couldn't be… it couldn't be… it was.
"Are you going to give us trouble, too, Gaeta?" Boomer asked quietly.
The atmosphere was so taut that Felix was afraid even the wrong breath would tear it to shreds. He shook his head, not looking her in the eyes. "No," he said, his voice quavering with effort.
She studied him, and his heart almost stopped. He remembered that he used to like her, back when she and Chief were an item and he'd cringed every time she landed. She knew him, knew his convictions, and he knew he had one chance to play this right. He looked up, met her gaze, and then looked over at Gaius sitting hunched in his chair. Boomer looked over her shoulder, and then back at Felix, raising her eyebrows. He nodded once and looked down, attempting to fake embarrassment and finding that it was the real thing. Boomer smirked and then nodded once at the others.
Felix let himself breathe, quietly. He'd passed.
The One began talking again, outlining the Cylon vision for this shared dream. Felix slunk to the back of the room, hands trembling as he half-listened.
A part of him had wanted to follow Tom. No, not wanted, but demanded to follow. It was a matter of principle. But one thing that Felix had learned from Tom over the past year was that principles were all very well and good, but it was practicality that kept you alive.
The ends justify the means. Tom had never told him that, but Felix had always known that that was what he believed. And now, the means were collaborating, well enough to get the Cylons to trust him, well enough to become important and get information. Because the end result was going to be defeating the Cylons, and Felix was willing to use any means at all to do it.
***
"We're going to have to build a better facility," the Five told the Two as they entered the Astral Queen. "This ship isn't very imposing."
"We agree," said the Two. He looked around at the place distastefully. "The Ones have something in mind already."
"Figures," the Five sighed. He pushed Tom along with his gun. Tom stumbled forward almost blindly. "Got one already."
The Two raised his eyebrows. "Isn't that the Vice President?"
The Five shrugged. "Guess so." He rooted through a pile of gray clothing and handed Tom a shirt and pants. "Better get comfortable," he said with a wicked smile.
Tom took the clothing, knowing all too well he wasn't going to get privacy to change. Fear began to choke him, and his fingers fumbled with the buttons of his shirt as if they'd grown too large to maneuver. But he stripped the shirt off as casually as possible, trying to push away the idea that these were not humans watching him, and therefore would accord him no human rights, no decency. There were no laws that protected prisoners in the Cylon-human war.
Tom really didn't like that thought.
It wasn't the same cell he'd occupied before the attack- the universe wasn't that ironic. But as the Five thrust him in and slammed the door, the clang of metal on metal echoed through his soul and forced him back in time, and everything he'd accomplished since the attack came collapsing down around him.
Once again, Tom Zarek was a prisoner.
***
The faces of the humans were closed now. No one met Felix's eye when he walked through the town, and no one spoke to him. He heard muttered curses and crude names, but they were rarely directly thrown at him… just said when he happened to be in the vicinity. He couldn't blame any of them.
He was walking through the marketplace when a hand reached out and grabbed him, and he was yanked back into the union tent.
"Felix," Galen whispered. "Are you all right?"
Felix shook his head. "Yeah. Why?"
Galen stared at him, and Felix suddenly realized that he was looking for physical marks; signs that he'd been tortured and forced to collaborate. He bowed his head.
It would be so easy to tell Galen what he'd planned. And he wanted to. But he didn't know what Galen was planning, if he would protect humanity or protect his family. And if he got caught even before he began… it would be catastrophic.
"I'm fine," he said, pushing away slightly. "It's… I'm fine."
"Yeah." Galen's hand dropped from his arm, and his face closed off. "Yeah, I see that." He looked like he wanted to say more, but his face was hardening and Felix could feel the distance between them increasing and growing cold as they stared at each other.
"Look, I should go," Felix said. "I'm late. Tell Cally… tell Cally to take care. Stay safe."
"Right. Like you," Galen said with a note of disgust. He glared at Felix one more time and then left.
"Yeah," Felix sighed. "Like me."
***
There were a few other inmates that had been taken early. Several were former military; Tom could tell that just from their bearing when they were brought in. Every time a Cylon passed his cell with a new prisoner, he extended his hand through the bars in solidarity. Every time he heard those footsteps his heart leapt, and he rushed to see if he knew the prisoner being brought in… if it was Felix.
It never was.
Locked in the Astral Queen, Tom had no sense of time. But he was pretty sure it wasn't long before the Cylons were hauling them outside, putting them to work under a guard of Centurians. The incarcerated humans were a very small knot of the work force, put to mixing concrete. The irony of the entire situation was not lost on him, and a bitter mirth sustained him.
Hours of work, and then hours of solitude, confined to a cell. Humiliation and hunger, anger and helplessness. All things he thought he'd left behind him, things he'd thought belonged to a past life. All things he'd never wanted to take up again, but at least he knew he could.
"I'll survive this," he repeated each night. "I'll survive."
***
Days slipped by.
The shock was not that Gaius had had a Cylon lover before the Colonies were attacked. After all, so had Galen Tyrol. And Felix wasn't even shocked that she was a look-alike of that Shelly Godfrey. Gaius had said Godfrey was a Cylon after all. No, the shock was that Gaius began sleeping with her after what her people had done, and that she moved into his room on Colonial One with all the trappings of commitment.
It didn't hurt, not like that. And yet, he retreated to his office, seething in frustration as he bent to the will of the Cylons day after day.
He became cut off from the humans, acting only as a voice on a loudspeaker and a messenger to the union, relaying Cylon orders. He hated himself, hated helping them, but there was nothing else he could do.
***
A Five stood over them, watching the convicts work. Tom shoveled the rocks, muscles screaming in agony.
There was blood on the Five's shirt.
It wasn't much- just little dots, like someone had been shot at close range. And when a Six asked him about it, Tom heard that the execution had taken place on Colonial One, but couldn't hear any further details.
Someone he knew was murdered, dead at the hands of the Cylons because they wouldn't cooperate. He couldn't figure out if he hoped it was or wasn't Felix.
Probably a bit of both.
***
"Sign this, Gaeta."
The Five- Felix was pretty sure it was Doral- shoved the paper in front of him. Felix scanned it quickly. Cutting rations again. He glanced at Doral and saw his nostrils flare with impatience.
"Just sign it."
It wasn't pretty, but it wasn't fatal. Felix dreaded the day they put one in front of him that was, but figured he probably wasn't important enough. Those blows would have to be delivered by Baltar. He signed the paper, his signature rough and like black lines cutting through his soul.
Doral smiled at him. "There, that wasn't so hard, was it?" he asked, and then left the office.
Felix sat back, surrounded by piles of papers and regulations, codes and uselessness. Nothing the Cylons had given him would be of any use to anyone. He bent over his desk and rubbed his eyes.
"Felix." Felix looked up to see Gaius standing in the door, disheveled and distraught. "Can I come in?"
"Can't stop you, Mr. President," Felix said resignedly.
Gaius came in and shut the door. "You have no idea how good it is to get away from them," he said, clearing off a chair.
"I'm sure," Felix murmured.
"Honestly, they think they understand human vagaries, but it's only becoming more and more of a mess." Gaius sat down in the chair. "But what could I do? I ask you, Felix, what could I do? If I didn't allow them here, they would have blown us all to bits. Without your friends on the Galactica and the Pegasus, we had no hope."
"I know, sir."
Gaius reached in his pocket and pulled out his pills, and Felix sighed heavily. Gaius paused, eyebrows raised, and then put them back away. "Yes, you don't like that, do you?" he asked. There was something about his voice and the tilt of his head that sent a shaft of apprehension through Felix. He swallowed hard as Gaius leaned back and looked out the window over the settlement. "I wish more people would cooperate. The Cylons are getting angry, and I'm not sure how to placate them for much longer."
"Yes." Felix saw his opportunity and cleared his throat hopefully. "Sir, if you need help, I could take on more work. It's not like I have a life to go home to anyway."
"Thank you, Felix, I'll keep that in mind."
"Really, sir. Anything I can do to help."
He was busy thinking of what he could accomplish if he had more access to information, and so it was a shock when Gaius leaned across the desk and kissed him. For a long moment Felix couldn't pull away.
"You can help me," Gaius whispered, cupping his cheek.
"Gaius…."
"I need to feel human, to be human. You've always done that for me, Felix. You've always been there when I needed you. I need you now, desperately."
Felix stood and pushed him away. "No," he said, his voice strangled. "Gaius…."
Gaius seemed genuinely bewildered, and it occurred to Felix that what he'd always thought was true- Gaius had no idea of the impact his actions had had on him. Not really. It had never registered. "You've never said no before," Gaius pointed out.
And the world came crashing down around him, yet again.
It wasn't that Gaius would force him, Felix had absolutely no illusions about that. There would be no threats, and if he continued his protests, Gaius would leave. But he would leave hurt and offended, his ego wounded and wondering at Felix's odd behavior. He'd begin to ask questions, to investigate, to watch him carefully, to attempt to seduce him back because Gaius would never believe he'd been refused.
He was trapped.
Gaius was still watching him, and Felix shook his head. "It's just… Caprica Six," he said lamely.
"Oh." Gaius stepped closer and pulled Felix in close. "Well, we just won't let her know." Gaius kissed him and then his hands were working at Felix's pants. The fabric fell to the ground, pooling at his feet, and Gaius put his hands on his shoulders and turned him around, bending him over his desk.
It wasn't physically painful; to Gaius, this was an act of pleasure for them both, like it always had been. He was considerate- as considerate as Gaius ever was in bed, anyway. But Felix kept his eyes closed throughout, and when it was over and Gaius finally left the office, comforted and buoyed, Felix put his head down on his desk and cried.
***
The Cylons were a hell of a lot more organized than they were, Tom could give them that. After a month, the new Detention Ministry rose up above the city, foreboding and gray. And then he was marched inside and pushed into a small cell, and he began to wonder if he'd ever see the outside of the Ministry again.
The cells were worse than the Astral Queen. There, he could see the other prisoners, and even talk to them to an extent. There was no privacy, but there was companionship. Here, in his cell with bright lights and no windows and rough concrete walls, there was nothing. No one.
Tom told himself he could stand it, but as he lost all track of time and space, he was beginning to wonder if he could.
***
He heard screams from his cell. Sometimes they were female, sometimes they were male, and the latter actually chilled him more. He huddled in a corner, telling himself that it was only the screams of insanity, of people wanting out. But he knew it wasn't true.
***
They came for him one day. He'd been expecting it, and managed to stand up and greet the Three and the Five with a smile. "What took you so long?" was all he said.
They led him down the corridor, past closed and locked doors and wails and babblings. As they passed a metal tank he caught a distorted glimpse of himself; rough and unshaven, ragged hair, filthy clothing and haggard eyes. He smiled grimly, raising his chin in challenge.
A Four tied Tom to a chair, securing him with zip ties. That was when his heart began to creep up into his throat and his insides began to twist, especially when the door opened and a One walked in.
He wasn't sure if this was the One called Cavil- they all looked alike to him. But he was sure that this was the last model he wanted to face down, because the Ones, the Cavils… they were bloodthirsty. That much he'd learned already.
There were long, slender glass rods laid out on a tray. Tom tried not to look, but his eyes were drawn to them. "I have to say," the One said, sitting down across from him, "I find your people very tiresome to work with. Very unorganized and inefficient. I should have known- I've worked with them before and your settlement leaves much to be desired- but nevertheless I am a little bit surprised."
"Sorry to disappoint you," Tom said, managing to sound confident and unconcerned.
"I'm sure. But if you really feel that way, you'll come back and work for our government. See, I've done some research on you, Mr. Zarek. Not only are you a very famous name, but you've been one of the few effective administrators around here. People apparently listen to you."
"News to me," Tom said. "As you said, you've seen the settlement."
The One nodded at the Four, and he picked up one of the long glass rods. As he did so, Tom could see the wires extending from it to a power source, and his mouth went dry. He braced himself as the Four inserted it into his ear, and then his nerves exploded into pain. He was vaguely aware that he screamed, but there would have been no way to stop it.
The pain left as abruptly as it came, and he was left slumped in the chair, panting.
"I think there will be less joking," One said, and Tom wished with all his might that he could come up with a snappy comeback line right then and there. "Are you willing to work for us, Mr. Zarek?"
"Over my dead body," Tom ground out.
The Five cleared his throat meaningfully, but the One sighed. "No, I suppose we're not there yet. Someday, perhaps." The One turned his attention back to Tom. "But let's see if we can… persuade you."
And the pain began again.
***
He'd only cried the once; Felix was grimly proud about that. After that, he'd firmly told himself to man up, shoulder his responsibilities, and remember that people had bigger problems than frakking an ex they hated. At least he was safe, he had more food than most, and he had some freedom. So on those occasions that Baltar came into his office or called him into his, Felix went through with it and told himself it was no big deal.
He was on his knees under the President's desk when the door opened. Gaius, who had been tipped back in his chair, jerked to attention, hitting Felix's head against the desk. Felix choked and swore at the same time, and then came up in a fit of coughing, only to meet the very interested gaze of Caprica Six, Boomer, and Leoben.
"Oh, frak," was all he could say.
Gaius snapped himself to some semblance of dignity. "Well, I, you see-" he began, shoving himself back into his pants. Leoben was snickering and Boomer was tactfully looking away, but Caprica Six was just standing there with her arms crossed, eyebrows raised, and an amused smirk playing on her lips.
"You're going to let them treat you like that?" Leoben asked her.
"You know there's far more to love than sex," Caprica Six told him. "As does Gaius."
Boomer rolled her eyes at them and reached down, offering Felix a hand to stand. He started to ignore it, but as he got to his feet he remembered how much such a gesture would say and accepted it. Just as well, because as he stood the world wobbled.
"Are you all right?" she asked him. Her face was sympathetic and it was so, so easy to think of her as Boomer just then, and to nod.
"Yeah. I'm fine." He cast another wary glance at Caprica Six, but she didn't seem intent on tossing him into detention or shooting him in the head.
Boomer took pity on him. "Look, it's late. Why don't you go home? Unless you really want to be here right now?"
Not particularly. He nodded, and she smiled and gestured for him to go.
Felix numbly pulled on his jacket and stepped outside Colonial One. He got all of twelve steps away when the urge to vomit was too great, and he had to step out of the path and bend over as his stomach rebelled. The blood pounded in his head and his ears, and his body shook, but it felt almost cleansing.
A hand was on his back, and he tried to jerk away but overbalanced. Whoever it was caught him, and helped him stand. Felix wiped his mouth and noticed with surprise that it was James Lyman-Jammer, who'd been working with Tyrol for so long. The thought of Tyrol made him cringe, and so he focused on the wide brown eyes facing him.
"Hey," Jammer said, all concern, "are you okay?"
"Yeah," Felix gasped, straightening up and wiping his mouth on his sleeve. "Sorry."
"'Sokay," Jammer said. There was something twitchy about him, something edgy and nervous. It took Felix a long moment to recognize that it was simple decency and human concern warring with wondering if he was the enemy. He closed his eyes. "You really look like you could use a drink," Jammer said.
Felix nodded. "I'll buy," he said, the words like ashes in his mouth. If nothing else, the alcohol would burn away the bitterness of bile, and the taste of Gaius underneath.
They sat together awkwardly, at an out-of-the way table that Felix had gone to automatically. Funny, he hadn't set foot inside this tent since the occupation began, and the table he instinctively went to was the one he and Tom had sat at so many nights. He looked at the table, wondering how Tom was doing and praying he was still alive and whole.
"You okay?" Jammer asked him, and Felix wondered how bad he must look that Jammer felt it so necessary to ask him that many times.
"Fine," he said hollowly. They both knew he was lying, but Jammer seemed caught up in his own thoughts.
"Gaeta," he began slowly, "the New Caprica Police. The names for that, they're confidential, right?"
Felix studied him. Jammer seemed uncomfortable, although Felix suspected he knew where this was going. "Why would you need to know?" he asked.
"No reason," Jammer said, too lightly.
Well, there were two possible reasons. The papers Felix had finally managed to smuggle from the office burned hot in his jacket, and he leaned in, glancing around the room furtively.
"Either you're planning to join the NCP, or you're a member of the Resistance," he said in a low voice. "Which is it?"
Jammer forced a laugh. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Hope flared in Felix's heart. "The Resistance," he whispered. "Do you know people in it?"
"Why do you want to know?"
Felix opened his mouth and then shut it again, because he couldn't tell Jammer. If Jammer knew, and then was captured… and that was assuming that Jammer was a member of the Resistance. Which Felix didn't know for sure. With a start of horror, he realized he couldn't trust the young man sitting in front of him, and for no good reason. And as Jammer watched him suspiciously, Felix realized he felt the same way.
"Well, frak," he said helplessly, sitting back.
Jammer picked up his drink. "Yeah," he said, just as helplessly. "Frak."
***
He was back in his cell. Tom waited until the Cylons left him and then collapsed on the floor, limbs trembling uncontrollably.
His lips were parched and the skin on his hands was cracked, and for some reason those two things hurt more than anything else, sharp stabbing pains that wouldn't let him sleep and escape. One knee was aching as well, sending shooting pains up his leg. But he couldn't bring himself to move, because no position was comfortable.
For a moment, he wished he could say yes, wished he could say he'd collaborate. But there were worse things than torture, and Tom was not going to sell his soul.
***
The papers couldn't stay in his tent, and Felix had no one to give them to. He had his suspicions of who might be involved in the Resistance, but the only names he knew for sure were the names of those incarcerated, and that did him no good. For two days he walked around with the memos in his jacket, on edge with a frenetic energy and trying not to jump every time someone spoke to him.
He was walking to the water reclamation plant with the plans for some launchpad when he passed the medical tent and the idea seized him. He clung to it like a drowning man to a life preserver and darted inside.
For a moment, he wished he hadn't.
The tent was full, both skinjobs and people. A man slept on the floor, his face white and his head pillowed in his wife's lap. A snuffling child was whimpering, a bandaged cut on her forehead. A woman was crying desperately, and the face of the human doctor helping her was a mask of grief. It was a collection of misery worse than anything he'd seen on the streets of New Caprica, and for a moment all Felix could do was stand and stare.
The sound of metal on metal pulled his attention, and a privacy curtain was pushed back. He spotted Seelix sliding gingerly off the examining table. The doctor, a younger woman with a messy ponytail that spoke of hours of work, helped her sympathetically. Felix stared, because he was pretty sure women weren't that sore after a routine exam, and he'd suspected that this was happening. He bit his lip and looked away.
The doctor said something to Seelix and then came over, her face hard. "What do you want?" she demanded ungraciously. "I've got work to do."
"I need to see Doctor Cottle."
"Yeah, well, he's in surgery. So if that's all you want, get out of here and get back up to Colonial One and keep ruining all our lives."
There was so much anger and bitterness in her voice that Felix perked up. If she wasn't a member of the Resistance, maybe she knew someone… but she was no friend of the Cylons. "Can you help me?" he asked.
She huffed irritably and pushed an escaped tendril of hair out of her eyes. "Fine, if it will get you out of my sight quicker," she said, and then loudly added, "Come on, Mr. Gaeta, and we'll see what we can do about that rash."
"Very funny," he muttered as she led him back to the exam table and pulled the curtain.
"Well?" she said ungraciously once they were alone, "what is it?"
Felix looked around unnecessarily and leaned in. "Listen," he said, pulling out the papers, heart in his throat. "I need to get these to the Resistance. Do you know anyone in it?"
"Do you really think I'd tell you?" the doctor asked. But as she looked down at the papers, her eyes widened. "These are Cylon positions."
"I told you," Felix said desperately. "Can you help me?"
She touched the papers tentatively, and then suddenly pulled back. "Why now?" she demanded. "The Cylons have been here for two months and you haven't lifted a finger to help us before."
"I haven't been able to get anything like this before," Felix told her, smacking the papers against his palm. "Before this, all they gave me was busywork and information that would be absolutely no use to anyone. It took time for them to trust me."
"How do you know they won't figure out it's you?"
Felix swallowed and looked away. "Something happened two days ago that made me into a huge joke for them. They won't take me seriously- at least, not as a threat."
"What happened?" she snorted, "did they catch you giving Baltar a blow job?" He was silent, lips clenched together, and she paled. "Oh, Gods, I'm sorry. That was amazingly insensitive of me, I-" but then she shook herself, as if she remembered who she was talking to. "Look," she said, "I can't serve as your go between. The skin jobs are in here all the time."
Felix shook his head. "What about a dead drop?" he said. "If we could set up a location and you could let someone know where it is and the signal… actually, that would be best. I wouldn't know the name of the person getting the information, and they wouldn't know mine. That way if one of us is caught…." His breath caught in his throat and he couldn't go on.
But the doctor was nodding vigorously. "There's a garbage dump right across the way," she said in a low voice. "I know it pretty well because I live right next to it. There's a drawer you could use- do you know the one I'm talking about?"
Felix nodded. "And a signal?"
She thought, and then leaned even closer. "I have a dog," she said. "Jake. He has a yellow food bowl. When there's a message in the dump, flip it over. I'll keep an eye out and make sure I don't flip it back and fill it until it's picked up."
"Got it."
She studied him one more time. "If you're lying about this, I'll turn you into the Cylons myself, and I'll make sure you don't leave that prison of theirs."
"I'm not lying," Felix said.
She gave him that skeptical look one more time and then opened the curtain. "That should take care of it, Mr. Gaeta," she said loudly. "Just put some cream on it and stop playing with it so much, and it should clear up in days."
"I hate you," he said under the laughter of the people listening, but he moved away.
Across the tent he spotted the Tyrols sitting together. Galen was holding a small bundle wrapped in a ragged gray blanket, and with a start he realized that he hadn't heard she'd had the baby, didn't know the name… didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl. Cally still looked pregnant, and Felix supposed that meant it had been very recently. He caught her eye, but she glared at him and then turned away.
The doctor came out from the examining room. "Mr. and Mrs. Tyrol?" Felix heard her ask as he left, "I can see Nicholas now."
Part 5