fic: The Child of Fear [SPN, Dean/Cas]
Title: The Child of Fear
Author: littlehollyleaf
Pairing: Dean/Cas (vaguely one-sided on Cas' part)
Spoilers: up to and including 7.01
Category: episode-related, drama, coda
Warning: Dean/Leviathan non-con
Rating: PG-13
Word count: ~2,000
Summary: Demons lie. But do Leviathans?
Author's Note: So I was going to bed, and this happened instead. Whoops? Title taken from the namesake of our favourite demon ;) "Falsehood is invariably the child of fear in one form or another" ~ Aleister Crowley
The Child of Fear
"This is gonna be so much fun!"
There's a part of Dean screaming 'no!' in time with every frantic beat of his heart, clawing his insides so it seems he's the one possessed, not... but mostly there's this voice in his head telling him things like 'of course' and 'should have known' and 'did you really think you'd catch that break you've been pretending not to hope for now? Please...'
It was stupid of him to believe, even for a second, that Cas might be back. That they might have a chance to make things right between them. He knew, he's known all along, that caring for the angel was just gonna bring him a shitload of pain and heartache, he's been around long enough to know that's what life does, a hunter's life especially and his life always. He should never have -
But now's not the time for that. Not when a Cas that isn't Cas - not even close, there's no fooling himself about that this time - is grinning at him, manic and dangerous.
"Ha!" the thing - things? - laugh, stretching Cas' - once Jimmy's - arms out wide for no apparent reason than because they can. "Love it, it's so -" Hands pat up and down, neck to waist and back again, eyes roaming over the threads of battered trenchcoat and blood stains splattered all the way down to the toes of Cas' shoes. "- so firm, so warm. A body, a real body again. All ours. All the things we can do!"
He - it - they - move forward, hands held before them, twisting in front of their eyes, which grow wider at each movement, like watching fingers flex and bend is the most fascinating thing in the universe.
Dean takes the opportunity afforded by the distraction to look over to Bobby. The old hunter blinks back at him, wincing but determined. He nods and Dean nods back - time to get the hell out of here. Find Sam. Live to fight another day.
Both of them get quickly and quietly to their feet.
"So much so much," the Leviathan thing is muttering to itself, words running over themselves like it can't get them out fast enough. Or doesn't have enough voice for them all. "I want to kill something - no fuck something - no. No. Both. Both."
A laugh, in turns high-pitched and deep and completely out of control. It turns Dean cold, worse, far worse, than the hot, burning ache he'd felt thinking about Cas the last few days. Less than a week ago he'd have welcomed this icy flow through his veins with open arms - anything, anything, to stop all his thoughts and feelings about Cas getting in, threatening to break him down - but now, oh god, now, when for one brief, golden moment Cas had been right there, practically in his arms, and he'd honestly thought -
"There are two of you, after all," Leviathan's erratic voice chuckles and Dean and Bobby freeze in the doorway.
Maybe if they hadn't, if they'd kept going, they might have made it out. But Dean doubts it because the monster is suddenly there between them, a crushing hand on each of their shoulders.
Dean grits his teeth against the pain, fighting to stay upright under the pressure and through narrowed eyes sees Bobby doing the same.
"Question. What to who or who to what?"
The thing shoots Dean a dazzling smile that hurts as much, if not more, than the hand on his shoulder, because there was a time Dean would have given anything to have Cas smile at him like that. Worse, he recognises the grin - he'd seen it, less than two hours ago, on a news bulletin, beaming up at a CCTV camera before a massacre. Not Cas. And not Cas lost to him either - this thing, these monsters, taking him over. He wonders how much of everything else Cas has been up to the last couple of days was down to this. He wonders if Cas knew the whole time, if he was fighting for control, or if these things just took him unawares.
In any case, he did have control over them once. And if he could do it once -
"Cas!" Dean cries, desperate. "Cas, if you can hear me, you gotta fight this, man. You gotta -"
The Leviathan shoves Bobby away like a ragdoll, slamming him headfirst into the corridor wall. The elder hunter crumples to the floor and lies still.
Dean barely gets a chance to check for the up and down movement of Bobby's chest that tells him the man's still breathing before the creature is ramming him back into the edge of the doorway, so hard bits of aging plaster flutter down around them like confetti. Then he's right up in Dean's face, smiling that not-Cas smile, head twisting and twisting all around Dean's, all hypnotic, sinuous movement, like some kind of serpent. Nothing like Castiel's small, naïve tilts and questioning turns.
"I'm sorry I'm sorry, weren't you listening you silly, pathetic little thing," it spits at Dean, breath hot and wet over Dean's cheek, making him flinch away. "Your pretty little bird is gone." Dean turns back, scanning those blue, unblinking eyes. Demons lie. What's to say this thing won't too? It smiles again, shakes Castiel's head very slightly, like it knows what Dean's thinking. "We ate him all up," it whispers, gleeful, then licks Dean's cheek and laughs and laughs.
Dean tries to pull back in disgust but the doorframe's in the way so he settles for scrunching his nose up instead.
"I don't believe you..." he mutters, but they're just words, spoken on autopilot.
The voice in his head is back again - 'of course... of course...' - sapping his energy. And oh, he doesn't have much anymore, not when he's been using so much just functioning ever since that ring of fire, ever since truths and betrayals and the need to cut Cas out damnit so he'd never be vulnerable because of the guy ever again. Never have to admit how much it hurt not having him around.
Never have to face the most painful question of all. The one that, no matter how much he drank, how much increasingly disturbing porn he tried to distract himself with, wouldn't stop haunting him. The one Death seemed so sure of the answer to.
Could he have stopped it?
But this thing doesn't need to know that. This thing, worse than a demon, so evil even god had to lock it away, so corrupt that it must, surely, surely it must, be a liar.
"You don't know Cas," he forces out. "He's stronger than you. He won't -"
His protests are stolen by a bruising crush of lips to his own. Dry but warm lips that clamp over him while fingertips worm through his hair, nails scratching his scalp. Dean struggles but it's no use, kicks out only to find Cas' body pressing flush against him and holding him in place. Cas' body he hasn't so much as hugged before, though there's been times he's wanted to, not less than ten minutes ago in fact, but held back because of some unspoken code, some unofficial law that said it wasn't 'cool,' that told him it would be awkward, that he'd be embarrassed. It makes him hate this all the more, to think of all the chances he's had to hold Cas close and didn't take, all his reasons small and petty now in the face of this sham of affection, this violation.
He chokes when the thing pulls away, turns his head and spits on the ground, trying to get the taste out of his mouth. Not just because it's of some hellspawn monstrosity, but because it's Cas too, and Dean doesn't want the taste of Cas in his mouth, the feel of his knee in his crotch. Not without Cas' say so. Not when it's something neither of them have ever... If Cas is still in there then it's tantamount to rape. If he's not... then it's disrespectful to his memory.
Leviathan is laughing again. Dean thinks it's about the worst thing he's ever heard. Fucking hates how happy the bastard sounds.
"You had your chance with this one and you blew it," the thing tells him. "And oh oh oh!" It leans in, twisting a hand into Dean's shirt and yanking him closer, words pouring like poison into Dean's ear. "The things he wanted to do to you if he only thought he could, if you'd only asked... not very angelic, if you know what I mean..."
It bites down into the fleshy part of Dean's jaw but Dean hardly feels it, mind blanked out with a sudden lurch of emotion - grief, guilt, regret. When he comes back online his one thought is 'no.' Lying. Of course it's lying. Cas never... But then... He'd often wondered, what exactly made the angel agree to help him, why he stuck around. He hadn't wanted to question, just glad Cas was there, hadn't presumed to imagine... And ask? How could he ask? There were some things you just went ahead and told people, damn it, some things you did without having to be asked!
...without having to be asked.
Dean's dimly aware that Cas' sucking lips are off him now, but he's too choked up to speak regardless.
"Definitely fuck you, yes," the creature's saying, toying with the collar of Dean's jacket. "Much more fun..."
Then it's backing away in surprise and Sam is behind it, breathing heavily, some kind of bent pipe in hand. He looks at the metal oddly and Dean gathers it wasn't bent when his brother found it.
"Well now, more of you?" Leviathan muses as Dean catches his breath and Sam steps away. "Yes yes, you. You're the broken one he refused to fix. Wanted to, but didn't." He turns briefly back to Dean. "That was our idea." He winks and Dean tastes bile in his throat.
A little way along Bobby groans and starts to push himself up, leaning against the wall.
Leviathan surveys them all, teeth worrying the bottom of another manic grin, head bending at an unnatural angle.
"What, now, yes. Yes. Where's the fun in killing you now? None at all."
The three of them group together in the corridor, uncertain, Dean giving Sam a searching look as he side-steps up to him. His brother looks okay, a little pale maybe, but focused. Nothing Dean can see to explain his disappearing act before, but then, what Dean can see isn't the problem.
"Run," the monster in Cas' body tells them. "Go ahead. Scamper away. See how far you get. Before I find you."
It looks them over for another second then throws back Cas' head and laughs, all deep and menacing this time.
Dean shares a look with the others. They turn and sprint towards the exit.
They're almost at the end of the corridor when the shout carries after them.
"Oh, Dean!"
It's a rookie move, but Dean skids to a halt in spite of himself. Turns back.
Even with the distance between them, he knows those eyes are only for him.
"You could have stopped this, you know," the monsters say, using Cas' lips and hand to blow him a kiss.
~fin~
[consolidating comments, cos I was a sleepy idiot when I first posted: here | here]
Author: littlehollyleaf
Pairing: Dean/Cas (vaguely one-sided on Cas' part)
Spoilers: up to and including 7.01
Category: episode-related, drama, coda
Warning: Dean/Leviathan non-con
Rating: PG-13
Word count: ~2,000
Summary: Demons lie. But do Leviathans?
Author's Note: So I was going to bed, and this happened instead. Whoops? Title taken from the namesake of our favourite demon ;) "Falsehood is invariably the child of fear in one form or another" ~ Aleister Crowley
The Child of Fear
"This is gonna be so much fun!"
There's a part of Dean screaming 'no!' in time with every frantic beat of his heart, clawing his insides so it seems he's the one possessed, not... but mostly there's this voice in his head telling him things like 'of course' and 'should have known' and 'did you really think you'd catch that break you've been pretending not to hope for now? Please...'
It was stupid of him to believe, even for a second, that Cas might be back. That they might have a chance to make things right between them. He knew, he's known all along, that caring for the angel was just gonna bring him a shitload of pain and heartache, he's been around long enough to know that's what life does, a hunter's life especially and his life always. He should never have -
But now's not the time for that. Not when a Cas that isn't Cas - not even close, there's no fooling himself about that this time - is grinning at him, manic and dangerous.
"Ha!" the thing - things? - laugh, stretching Cas' - once Jimmy's - arms out wide for no apparent reason than because they can. "Love it, it's so -" Hands pat up and down, neck to waist and back again, eyes roaming over the threads of battered trenchcoat and blood stains splattered all the way down to the toes of Cas' shoes. "- so firm, so warm. A body, a real body again. All ours. All the things we can do!"
He - it - they - move forward, hands held before them, twisting in front of their eyes, which grow wider at each movement, like watching fingers flex and bend is the most fascinating thing in the universe.
Dean takes the opportunity afforded by the distraction to look over to Bobby. The old hunter blinks back at him, wincing but determined. He nods and Dean nods back - time to get the hell out of here. Find Sam. Live to fight another day.
Both of them get quickly and quietly to their feet.
"So much so much," the Leviathan thing is muttering to itself, words running over themselves like it can't get them out fast enough. Or doesn't have enough voice for them all. "I want to kill something - no fuck something - no. No. Both. Both."
A laugh, in turns high-pitched and deep and completely out of control. It turns Dean cold, worse, far worse, than the hot, burning ache he'd felt thinking about Cas the last few days. Less than a week ago he'd have welcomed this icy flow through his veins with open arms - anything, anything, to stop all his thoughts and feelings about Cas getting in, threatening to break him down - but now, oh god, now, when for one brief, golden moment Cas had been right there, practically in his arms, and he'd honestly thought -
"There are two of you, after all," Leviathan's erratic voice chuckles and Dean and Bobby freeze in the doorway.
Maybe if they hadn't, if they'd kept going, they might have made it out. But Dean doubts it because the monster is suddenly there between them, a crushing hand on each of their shoulders.
Dean grits his teeth against the pain, fighting to stay upright under the pressure and through narrowed eyes sees Bobby doing the same.
"Question. What to who or who to what?"
The thing shoots Dean a dazzling smile that hurts as much, if not more, than the hand on his shoulder, because there was a time Dean would have given anything to have Cas smile at him like that. Worse, he recognises the grin - he'd seen it, less than two hours ago, on a news bulletin, beaming up at a CCTV camera before a massacre. Not Cas. And not Cas lost to him either - this thing, these monsters, taking him over. He wonders how much of everything else Cas has been up to the last couple of days was down to this. He wonders if Cas knew the whole time, if he was fighting for control, or if these things just took him unawares.
In any case, he did have control over them once. And if he could do it once -
"Cas!" Dean cries, desperate. "Cas, if you can hear me, you gotta fight this, man. You gotta -"
The Leviathan shoves Bobby away like a ragdoll, slamming him headfirst into the corridor wall. The elder hunter crumples to the floor and lies still.
Dean barely gets a chance to check for the up and down movement of Bobby's chest that tells him the man's still breathing before the creature is ramming him back into the edge of the doorway, so hard bits of aging plaster flutter down around them like confetti. Then he's right up in Dean's face, smiling that not-Cas smile, head twisting and twisting all around Dean's, all hypnotic, sinuous movement, like some kind of serpent. Nothing like Castiel's small, naïve tilts and questioning turns.
"I'm sorry I'm sorry, weren't you listening you silly, pathetic little thing," it spits at Dean, breath hot and wet over Dean's cheek, making him flinch away. "Your pretty little bird is gone." Dean turns back, scanning those blue, unblinking eyes. Demons lie. What's to say this thing won't too? It smiles again, shakes Castiel's head very slightly, like it knows what Dean's thinking. "We ate him all up," it whispers, gleeful, then licks Dean's cheek and laughs and laughs.
Dean tries to pull back in disgust but the doorframe's in the way so he settles for scrunching his nose up instead.
"I don't believe you..." he mutters, but they're just words, spoken on autopilot.
The voice in his head is back again - 'of course... of course...' - sapping his energy. And oh, he doesn't have much anymore, not when he's been using so much just functioning ever since that ring of fire, ever since truths and betrayals and the need to cut Cas out damnit so he'd never be vulnerable because of the guy ever again. Never have to admit how much it hurt not having him around.
Never have to face the most painful question of all. The one that, no matter how much he drank, how much increasingly disturbing porn he tried to distract himself with, wouldn't stop haunting him. The one Death seemed so sure of the answer to.
Could he have stopped it?
But this thing doesn't need to know that. This thing, worse than a demon, so evil even god had to lock it away, so corrupt that it must, surely, surely it must, be a liar.
"You don't know Cas," he forces out. "He's stronger than you. He won't -"
His protests are stolen by a bruising crush of lips to his own. Dry but warm lips that clamp over him while fingertips worm through his hair, nails scratching his scalp. Dean struggles but it's no use, kicks out only to find Cas' body pressing flush against him and holding him in place. Cas' body he hasn't so much as hugged before, though there's been times he's wanted to, not less than ten minutes ago in fact, but held back because of some unspoken code, some unofficial law that said it wasn't 'cool,' that told him it would be awkward, that he'd be embarrassed. It makes him hate this all the more, to think of all the chances he's had to hold Cas close and didn't take, all his reasons small and petty now in the face of this sham of affection, this violation.
He chokes when the thing pulls away, turns his head and spits on the ground, trying to get the taste out of his mouth. Not just because it's of some hellspawn monstrosity, but because it's Cas too, and Dean doesn't want the taste of Cas in his mouth, the feel of his knee in his crotch. Not without Cas' say so. Not when it's something neither of them have ever... If Cas is still in there then it's tantamount to rape. If he's not... then it's disrespectful to his memory.
Leviathan is laughing again. Dean thinks it's about the worst thing he's ever heard. Fucking hates how happy the bastard sounds.
"You had your chance with this one and you blew it," the thing tells him. "And oh oh oh!" It leans in, twisting a hand into Dean's shirt and yanking him closer, words pouring like poison into Dean's ear. "The things he wanted to do to you if he only thought he could, if you'd only asked... not very angelic, if you know what I mean..."
It bites down into the fleshy part of Dean's jaw but Dean hardly feels it, mind blanked out with a sudden lurch of emotion - grief, guilt, regret. When he comes back online his one thought is 'no.' Lying. Of course it's lying. Cas never... But then... He'd often wondered, what exactly made the angel agree to help him, why he stuck around. He hadn't wanted to question, just glad Cas was there, hadn't presumed to imagine... And ask? How could he ask? There were some things you just went ahead and told people, damn it, some things you did without having to be asked!
...without having to be asked.
Dean's dimly aware that Cas' sucking lips are off him now, but he's too choked up to speak regardless.
"Definitely fuck you, yes," the creature's saying, toying with the collar of Dean's jacket. "Much more fun..."
Then it's backing away in surprise and Sam is behind it, breathing heavily, some kind of bent pipe in hand. He looks at the metal oddly and Dean gathers it wasn't bent when his brother found it.
"Well now, more of you?" Leviathan muses as Dean catches his breath and Sam steps away. "Yes yes, you. You're the broken one he refused to fix. Wanted to, but didn't." He turns briefly back to Dean. "That was our idea." He winks and Dean tastes bile in his throat.
A little way along Bobby groans and starts to push himself up, leaning against the wall.
Leviathan surveys them all, teeth worrying the bottom of another manic grin, head bending at an unnatural angle.
"What, now, yes. Yes. Where's the fun in killing you now? None at all."
The three of them group together in the corridor, uncertain, Dean giving Sam a searching look as he side-steps up to him. His brother looks okay, a little pale maybe, but focused. Nothing Dean can see to explain his disappearing act before, but then, what Dean can see isn't the problem.
"Run," the monster in Cas' body tells them. "Go ahead. Scamper away. See how far you get. Before I find you."
It looks them over for another second then throws back Cas' head and laughs, all deep and menacing this time.
Dean shares a look with the others. They turn and sprint towards the exit.
They're almost at the end of the corridor when the shout carries after them.
"Oh, Dean!"
It's a rookie move, but Dean skids to a halt in spite of himself. Turns back.
Even with the distance between them, he knows those eyes are only for him.
"You could have stopped this, you know," the monsters say, using Cas' lips and hand to blow him a kiss.
~fin~
[consolidating comments, cos I was a sleepy idiot when I first posted: here | here]