fic: Between the Suffering and the Will [SPN, AU]
Title: Between the Suffering and the Will: Part One
Spoilers: Up to and including 4.20
Category: AU, drama, angst
Rating: PG
Word Count: 15, 783
Summary: Written for a 'what if' challenge over at spnland.
What if Jimmy had known about Castiel's message for Dean...?
***
Between the Suffering and the Will
- or The Supernatural Prometheus
Titan! to thee the strife was given
Between the suffering and the will,
Which torture where they cannot kill;
[...] Thy godlike crime was to be kind,
To render with thy precepts less
The sum of human wretchedness,
And strengthen man with his own mind.
~ Prometheus, Lord Byron.
It took a lot to faze Dean Winchester, especially were food was concerned. But watching the man who had been defined for going on a year now by his stoicism, lack of expression and the fact he didn't need to eat or drink, swallow down his third burger in twenty minutes (with accompanying noises any porn star would have been proud of) apparently crossed a line.
"Mind slowing down? You're gonna give me angina," Dean muttered.
"I'm hungry," the man, so far only identified as 'Jimmy,' shrugged back, taking a long slurp of Coca-Cola through the plastic straw of one of the local diner's take out cups.
"When's the last time you ate?" Sam questioned across the motel's circular table.
"I don't know. Months," Jimmy answered around his straw, before turning back to the remainder of his burger.
Dean felt a pang of sympathy for the guy, remembering his own ravenous hunger after Zechariah lifted that stupid mindwipe he'd put him and Sam under a couple of weeks ago. Sam, on the other hand, pressed on with the questioning, leaning forward slightly with his hands clasped in front of him. Dean thought the position made him look unpleasantly like an interrogator.
"What the hell happened back there? It looked like an angel battle royale."
Much as Dean hated to interrupt the guy in his obviously very personal quest to consume at least half the fast food in the state, an answer to this question was already overdue. It'd been over five hours since Castiel delivered his cryptic 'we need to talk' during one of Dean's late morning naps, with three needed to get to where he'd said to meet and another two calming Jimmy down and getting them all food and a place to stay. Cas had seemed genuinely freaked out in Dean's dream too, which was enough in itself to prove whatever he had to say was important, but now the angel was gone, leaving a smashed up warehouse with angelic symbols on the walls in his wake? Whatever the hell was going on, Dean felt pretty safe in thinking it big.
Jimmy swallowed and shook his head, although his eyes fell to the table in a way years of hunting experience identified at once as shifty.
"All I remember is... there was a flash of light, and when I woke up I was, you know, me again."
"So, what?" Dean pressed. "Cas just, ditched outta your meatsuit?"
Jimmy dropped the rest of his burger into one of the open plastic wrappers on the table and looked away.
"I don't know," he answered. Much too quickly.
Sam and Dean shared a frown.
"Do you remember anything about being possessed? Anything at all?" Sam asked, not quite leaving the bounds of friendly inquiry, although the hint of impatience behind the words suggested he was well on the way.
Jimmy picked up a napkin and started wiping his hands with it.
"Bits and pieces," he shrugged. "I mean... angel inside you, it's kinda like being chained to a comet."
Dean raised his eyebrows.
"Wow, that doesn't sound like much fun."
Jimmy glanced over long enough to shoot him a wry smile.
"Understatement," he said, before lowering his gaze to the scrunched up paper in his hands.
"Cas said he wanted to tell us something," Sam cut into the following silence. "Please tell me you remember that."
This time it was obvious the other man was holding back. He licked and pursed his lips a couple of times before shaking his head, eyes still downcast.
"Listen," Sam started, voice dropping an octave, turning harder. "I don't know how much you know, but what we're part of right now is serious. As in, 'fate of the world' serious. If you know any-"
Jimmy jerked his head up suddenly, cutting Sam off.
"Are we gonna stay here long?" he asked, voice rising a little, a touch of panic around the edges. "I mean... isn't there anywhere else... anywhere else you'd rather be?"
He glanced back at Dean, eyes flashing a silent message and Dean recognised the look. Cas had moulded that face into the exact same one by the lake the hunter had dreamt about fishing in earlier.
:: it's not safe here... someone might be listening ::
"Yeah..." Dean answered slowly, while Sam turned to him in surprise. "Yeah, actually we were planning to head back to a friend's house tomorrow. It's kinda cramped, but it's cosy." He held the other man's gaze for a second, wondering if this cryptic shit he was trying was actually getting through or just going over the other guy's head. "He's got an extra room in the basement."
Jimmy's eyes lit up and Dean figured that meant he recognised the description of Bobby's then. He wondered what else the guy might know about them. Weird, that this man should be such an integral part of their lives, of what he and Sam had been doing this year, and yet be a complete stranger at the same time.
"Sounds nice," Jimmy nodded, still sounding a bit strained. "You... err... you think maybe I could crash for a couple of days? Just to... you know...?"
"Recover," Dean provided when Jimmy trailed off. "Sure. You've been riding a comet for almost a year, you definitely need some R and R. Of course you can hang with us for a while."
Jimmy breathed out slowly and nodded.
"Thanks."
***
It was a tense drive down to South Dakota the next morning, with Jimmy making fertive glances out the window every other second and Dean forgoing music in case it drowned out vital warning sounds of an angel ambush. Not to mention the inexplicably frantic tapping of Sam's fingers against the dashboard - what was with that kid lately? So it was no surprise, really, with everyone as keyed-up as they were and practically suffocated by the silence, that Dean almost drove them off the road when Anna appeared without warning behind Sam with a sudden, "hey guys."
"Smooth," the (formerly) fallen angel noted once Dean steered them back on track.
"You ever tried calling ahead?" Dean muttered, breath still ragged with shock.
"I like the element of surprise," Anna quiped, though she sounded like she was joking more because it was expected than because she had any desire to.
Dean twisted to look over his seat and took in the angel's appearance for the first time. Her skin was pale, much more than when she'd been human and, even more telling perhaps, much more than any other angel he'd come across. Meanwhile, her flaming red hair, so smooth and straight when they'd first met, was now limp and untended, loose strands sticking out at odd angles, like she'd just spent the last two hours running for her life. Then again, that might actually be true, she was still on Heaven's Most Wanted list.
"Woah, you look terrific," the hunter mocked as he turned back to the road, still slightly pissed at the skid and wanting revenge.
"Thanks," Anna responded, equally sarcastic. "When you're on the run, appearance is the least of your worries, you know?" She turned her head. "You're Jimmy, right?"
Jimmy sat up straighter in his seat, eyeing her wearily.
"Yeah..."
Anna nodded, eyes sweeping up and down him.
"It's good that you're here. Don't go anywhere, it's not safe."
"Wasn't planning on it," he answered.
"Castiel... did he tell you anything?" she pressed. Jimmy lowered his gaze.
"Um..."
"Nope," Sam called, twisting round. "We don't know anything."
Anna fixed on Jimmy a moment longer, then gave a slow nod, clueing in. She turned to Sam, mouth open to reply, but stopped once her eyes found him and blinked her head back. After a second she leant forward again, eyes narrowing.
"Sam... you seem... different."
Sam pulled back himself in surprise.
"Me?" he shrugged. "I dunno, haircut?"
But Anna shook her head.
"That's not what I'm talking about," she said, and her voice was so sombre all of a sudden that both Dean and Jimmy fixed their gaze on the other man, a couple of small, anxious lines forming between Dean's eyes.
And for a second, Sam looked worried, an old darkness covering his usually bright hazel eyes that Dean could have sworn he recognised as guilt. But then the younger man was shrugging the moment away, bemused and smiling and Anna dropped the matter with a shake of her head.
"So. Where are you heading?" she asked Dean.
"Bobby's," Dean answered, glancing at her in the rear view mirror.
"Good idea."
"What's going on, Anna?" the hunter asked, feeling bolder now they had an angel of their own in the car.
Anna glanced at Jimmy.
"Just get to Bobby's, I'll meet you there."
The silence was even more oppressive after she left.
***
They didn't even need to explain once they got to the salvage yard. Bobby opened the door before Sam finished his first knock, nodded like he'd been expecting them, and said, "come on, panic room's ready."
Anna was leaning against the room's open door as they paced downstairs, which explained away Bobby's newfound psychic ability reasonably enough (something Dean was quietly relieved about - having one member of the family with powers was enough, thank you). The angel stayed hovering in the doorway while the four of them traipsed inside and a quick look at the walls was enough to explain why - Bobby had managed to find specs for the angel-proofing symbols Alistair had used during his attempt to kill those two Reapers in Greybull and painted a whole load of them across the circular wall. And without Sam or Dean even needing to ask either. Dean didn't think he'd ever have enough gratitude for that man.
"Right," Bobby started from his position in the centre of the room, pushing his trademark trucker's hat slightly higher up his head so he could see everyone better. The others edged against the wall in front of him, Sam and Dean pulling up a couple of metallic chairs, while Jimmy opted to stand, arms gripping the trench coat he'd long since removed to his chest. "One of you better start talking."
The brothers both turned to Jimmy.
The other man nodded and took a breath, only to turn to Anna at the last minute.
"This is safe, right?"
"As safe as you'll get," the angel answered.
"But they can't hear? With the door open?"
"Not unless they came here in person, and we've given them no reason to."
"Who's they?" Sam asked, impatient again. "What's this all about?"
"And where the fuck is Castiel?" Dean added, a little harsher than intended, but he couldn't seem to help it. At some point between checking out of the motel that morning and the drive down, this had become the one question, above all others, that mattered the most. And every second that went by without an answer was making the hunter's blood pressure that little bit higher.
"He got called back," Jimmy answered, meeting Dean's gaze; eyes fearful, body tense.
"Back where?" Dean pressed, too far past his capacity for patience to care if he was freaking out a civilian.
"Back home," Anna clarified. "Although it was more like dragged back."
"Home?" Bobby repeated. "As in... Heaven?"
Anna and Jimmy nodded together.
"And that's... not a good thing?" Sam ventured.
"No," Anna said forcefully. "It's a very bad thing. Painfully, awfully bad." She turned her head to Jimmy. "He must have seriously pissed someone off."
Jimmy took another breath and dropped his gaze to the coat in his hands.
"Not exactly..."
He paused to smooth out some of the creases in the tan fabric, psyching himself up.
"Then what exactly?!" Dean exploded.
"I'm sorry!" Jimmy all but yelped in response. "I just..." He pressed his eyelids down briefly. "I didn't sign up for this, you know?" His eyes were shining as he glanced round at the others and Dean took a moment to note how freaking weird it was seeing eyes that had always been so piercing and collected now on the verge of tears. "And I gave Castiel everything. Everything I had. I left my family. And for what? For this? It's just... it's hard to get my head around."
At the word 'family,' Dean was instantly abashed. This was just an ordinary guy who'd been thrown into a fucked up situation; he shouldn't be trying to shoot the messenger.
"Well, hey, I know you've had a rough time of it," the hunter started, lowering his voice in apology. "But you know, we are trying to save the world. That's not such a terrible thing to be part of."
Jimmy just stared at him, and the misery lining his face turned Dean's blood cold. Because he recognised it. It was the same kind he'd known himself that night in South Dakota when Bobby got back from chasing Jake, and he had to realise all over again that Sam really wasn't leaving his arms alive.
"No you're not," Jimmy whispered.
The guy might as well have been talking Klingon for all the sense those words made to the others.
"What?" Dean asked.
"The angels were never..." Jimmy started, words tumbling out of him in disjointed gasps, as though the whole thing were too painful to lay out all at once. "Protecting the seals, stopping Lilith... it's all a sham... they don't..."
"They don't want to stop Lucifer," Sam finished, reading between the lines and piecing together what Jimmy wasn't saying. "They want the seals broken. They want him to get out." His lips parted in horror once he was done, as though he couldn't believe what he'd just been using them for.
Jimmy's silence was proof enough.
"But... but that don't make sense," Bobby argued. "Why would Heaven wanna let out the Devil?"
A gasp from the doorway turned everyone's gaze to Anna. The angel had a hand to her mouth, eyes staring into nothing, and looked, if it were possible, even paler than back in the Impala. In fact, if Dean hadn't known better, he'd have thought she was some kind of unquiet spirit.
"They plan to finish the war," she breathed. "They want Lucifer free so they can fight him again. To the death this time."
"...oh," Dean said. "Oh, well..." He took in Anna and Jimmy's still sombre expressions. "That's... still bad, isn't it?"
Anna's lips curved in a humourless smile.
"I suppose it depends on your perspective," she answered. "With Lucifer dead there will be no Hell. The battle will be... terrible. And Earth will be the battlefield. It could destroy half the world, easy." She waved a hand. "But those who survive will live out their days in paradise... assuming we win, of course."
It was as if all the air in the world had been sucked away, all at once. No one moved. No one breathed. Then the Winchesters and Bobby turned their heads to each other, equally dumbstruck.
***
It was gone midnight when Sam snuck out into the salvage yard later that night. Not that anyone was sleeping. They'd spent most of the evening shaking their heads and downing Bobby's stock of whiskey and gin. From the look on Jimmy's face when he took his first mouthful it was clear he'd never touched hard liquor before in his life, but he was knocking it back like water in less than an hour. Him and Dean built up a friendly enough rapport after that, while Bobby buried himself in the library with Anna, looking for anything they could use against angels that might help them stop Heaven's plan and speed up the fight against Hell's.
But Sam had other things on his mind.
He paced deep into the mountains of rusting cars and motor parts until he found the shell of an ancient blue Mustang.
He turned a full circle. Nothing.
A harsh, impatient sigh escaped him before he even knew it was coming and he started tapping his palms against his thighs.
"You look like shit."
He whirled round in time to catch a dark, feminine shadow stepping out from behind a half crushed Land Rover.
"It's been two weeks Ruby and I'm all out," Sam spat back. "I feel like shit too."
"Don't worry," Ruby smirked, slinking closer. "I got your pick me up right here..."
She slipped her arms about his neck, moonlight painting intricate patterns on the exposed skin below her Tee. Sam ignored the play at seduction and gripped her tight below the elbows, pushing her back.
"You think this is funny?" he growled. "Like what we're doing is some kind of joke? Just something to pass the time? This is important Ruby. Maybe now more than ever."
Ruby blinked, smile dropping away. She jerked out of Sam's hold and held her hands up, palms out, in apology.
"Jesus. Okay, okay..."
She bent down and pulled a slim, silver knife from her right boot, slicing a red and dripping gash across her wrist before she'd even finished straightening up.
"Here."
Sam pulled the arm to his lips without even looking at her, breathing out deeply in relief as he sucked the viscous liquid over his tongue.
Ruby pet his hair as Sam drank his fill.
"Wow, I know it's been a while, but you're not usually so gung-ho about this," she stated as he finished. "What's got you so worked up?"
Sam pulled away slowly, licking his lips. His hold on the demon's arm was softer now, eyes sheepish as he drew them down to hers.
"Sorry," he muttered as he let her go, hands hovering around the already healing cut as through to offer some kind of comfort.
Eventually, he decided it was best to just stick his hands in his pockets and out of the way. Ruby dropped hers and hooked a thumb through the loop in her jeans, eyebrows raised at Sam expectantly. He shrugged, a more weary and deliberate sigh leaving him this time.
"We just got thrown a pretty big curveball today and... err... I guess it's getting to me."
"What happened?" Ruby asked, dark eyes creasing at the corners in what Sam had come to accept as concern.
He hesitated to answer though, because they'd decided early on that keeping quiet about Heaven's masterplan and what they knew of it was probably for the best. No matter how trustworthy you held your confident, you never knew who was listening in. Castiel was a testament to that. Maybe later, if he could get Ruby in a safe place, he'd tell her the full story. For now, he opted for the abridged version.
"Castiel got, ah, relocated or something, and left his vessel behind," he explained. "Guy named Jimmy Novak. He's got a family back in Illinois, can you believe that?" Sam shook his head. "I mean, I get that demons would break up homes to get a host." He glanced back to Ruby and gave a flat smile. "No offence," he added, but Ruby just waved the aspersion away. "But... I guess I thought angels would be more honourable about it, you know? Cas told us the guy prayed to be a vessel, but from the way Jimmy tells it, he didn't know what he was getting into, not really..."
He trailed off and turned away, staring into the night. Even though Bobby's was a good few miles from town, there was still enough light pollution to blot out most of the stars. It had always been like that, of course, even when Sam visited as a kid, but in that moment he found it hard not to take the fact as some kind of metaphor for the more immediate state of his life. No matter how hard he tried, all you could see was darkness.
After a while he felt a hand on his arm. And although he knew, logically, that the blood inside was only pumping because of the demonic energy keeping the heart beating, knew that the warmth from it was simply an illusion, the fact that it felt real was somehow reassuring. Better an illusion than nothing at all.
"I'm sorry, Sam," Ruby said quietly. "You really can't trust anyone these days."
***
Dean found Jimmy perched on the couch in the library the next morning, an out of date Blackberry in his hands with a wire trailing from the end to a socket in the wall near by. He noticed the wire from a lamp on a small table to the right had been removed for the purpose. Castiel's, no Jimmy's, trenchcoat had been draped across the sofa's back, along with the navy-coloured tie, leaving Jimmy in white shirtsleeves, rolled up to his elbows, with his top two buttons undone.
Dean moved up behind him and saw Jimmy had a picture up on the screen. A smiling woman with long blonde hair had her arms wrapped proudly round a young girl. The matching hair colour and dimples round the kid's grin made it clear the two were related.
"That your family?" Dean asked softly.
Jimmy started a little and turned his head, but relaxed once he saw it was Dean.
"Yeah," he nodded, turning back, and Dean chose to ignore the way he rubbed a hand across his eyes, and how said eyes were quite blatantly red and puffy with past tears. Jimmy sniffed then raised a hand, pointing to the woman. "That's Amelia." He lowered his finger. "And my daughter, Claire... she turned thirteen last month... I missed it..."
He sucked in a breath and pressed his lips together. Dean didn't push for more, just nodded and said 'she's beautiful.'
Jimmy nodded back rather too much, then breathed out a laugh.
"It's a wonder this thing's even still working," he said, waving the Blackberry in front of himself. "It's been in my coat pocket this whole time. I guess he thought it was part of the outfit and made sure it didn't get broken. Battery ran out months ago of course, but your friend Bobby had a spare charger..."
He trailed off, head bowed, and Dean had a sudden urge to grip the guy's shoulder, offer some support, or at the very least prove to Jimmy he wasn't alone in this mess. But he didn't dare. Despite having spent a great deal of time with him over the past year, Dean didn't know this man, they weren't friends. So he compromised and gripped the back of the sofa just behind Jimmy instead.
"He didn't know... you know," Jimmy said a little later, once the silence had drifted into something almost companionable. "Castiel."
Dean blinked and decided not to bother pretending this piece of information didn't matter to him.
"Yeah?" he pressed.
"Not at first," Jimmy continued, lifting his head to stare at the bookcase opposite. "I think... I dunno, he was pretty low on the chain of command or something and they just didn't tell him the whole plan. But, after Uriel, he started asking questions. Overhearing things, and..." He shrugged and Dean nodded gently behind him. "He came to you as soon as he found out."
"But even that wasn't fast enough," Dean added, voice dull. "Do you...? Do you have any idea what they'll do to him?"
Jimmy shook his head and looked down. The Blackberry's screensaver had switched on, covering Amelia and Claire's picture in inky black.
"He knew... I think," he offered. "But it's not as if we had actual conversations. More like, information just kind of... bled out between us." He twisted round and looked at Dean properly for the first time. Eyes awash with sympathy, though who for exactly Dean couldn't say. They seemed watered and flat compared to when Castiel had been looking through them. "I know he was afraid. When he came to you. I felt that much. But when I tried to find out why he just cut me off, completely. It was like he'd slammed a door in my face and locked it. Like he wanted to protect me from whatever was inside."
Dean swallowed, thinking of Alistair and the way he'd juggled blades between his hands before each session. He wondered if Heaven had a torture master too. The way things were going it seemed anything was possible. And if those wings were as big the shadow of them Cas had revealed back in that barn it'd take a hell of a lot of clamps to hold them down... assuming they planned to keep them attached...
It was a blessing for Dean when Jimmy's phone started to ring and distracted his thoughts. One that soon faded when they both turned to the thing in surprise and read the words 'Amelia calling' across the screen.
They'd agreed the night before it would be best if Jimmy didn't contact his family. Now they knew Heaven and Hell were both against them it was just too much of a risk making either side aware of who Jimmy was contacting and why. Any self-respecting demon would be itching to get their hands on an angel's vessel, of course, to find out how they tick, and most certainly wouldn't baulk at threatening anyone close to said vessel to do it. But while Jimmy had made it more than clear, after a few shots of Bobby's finest, that he'd have been willing to risk the wrath of demons for the chance of seeing his wife and daughter again, he'd admitted he was terrified of dragging either of them into the same hell Heaven had put him through. So he'd agreed to stay away to make sure the other angels didn't try and use his family to establish the extent of his knowledge. This way, if the angels did come to suspect him of knowing too much, they already knew Jimmy was with the Winchesters and could come to him directly.
But faced with his wife calling him, what could Jimmy do but answer?
And Dean knew from the first tentative 'Amelia?' and the breathy 'Oh my god' that followed a few minutes later, this couldn't lead to anything good.
***
Amelia was hysterical over the phone, claiming some neighbours had tried to attack their house and that she and Claire barely got away. She'd thought about calling the police but thought they might think she was crazy because she could have sworn the neighbour's eyes were pitch black as they attacked. So, in her panicked state she'd called Jimmy, not really expecting an answer.
Yes, it seemed a bit suspiciously convenient all this should have happened the day after Jimmy got laid off his vessel gig, but the brothers had no reason not to take it at face value. No one knew what Jimmy was but them, after all, so they didn't see how it could be a trap.
Not that they were surprised when it was.
When they got to the abandoned factory Amelia had given as the place she and Claire were hiding out, it turned out the wife was possessed. With several black-eyed flunkies (presumably the neighbours) in tow and the kid tied up and unconscious on a chair behind them.
Sam was able to use his mojo on most of the henchmen without much trouble, but not before the possessed Amelia pulled out a gun and plugged Jimmy in the scuffle. Dean was beside him at the time (they'd been making for the girl) and the guy collapsed right into him, Dean falling down as well and gaping in horror at the blood pouring from the other man's chest. A paralysis caused in no little part by the refusal of the logical side of his brain to quash the side screaming that - this was his angel dying here! this was Castiel bleeding in his arms.
Sam was still struggling with a particularly burly man sporting a black beard and what looked like a lumberjack uniform, so he couldn't help as the other demon paced over to Claire, gun raised.
Jimmy managed a hoarse 'no!' Claire opened her eyes and looked up, and then, to everyone's surprise, the gun flew from Amelia's hand and crashed against the far wall. Seconds later, the ropes holding Claire down burnt away and the kid stood up on the chair so she could reach a hand to her mother's forehead. A blinding golden light covered the woman for a moment, then she was falling to the floor with a gasp, just as Sam finished up with the other demon.
Claire stepped back down and turned to Jimmy, who was still bleeding profusely into Dean's lap.
"Castiel," the men said together.
The angel walked over to them and knelt down, small, childish fingers running through Jimmy's hair.
"You've served well, Jimmy," Castiel said. "It's time to go home now. Your real home. You'll rest forever in the fields of the Lord. Rest now."
Dean's mouth opened, but he barely had time to acknowledge his relief at learning Castiel was okay, or voice a 'what the hell?' at the gibberish the angel had just finished spouting, before Jimmy was protesting.
"No... Claire," he hissed through gritted teeth, one hand pressing hard against the hole in his stomach in a futile attempt to stop the pain.
"She's with me now," Castiel responded, chillingly calm. "She's chosen. It's in her blood, as it was in yours."
Dean felt his jaw drop and left it there. Castiel wasn't seriously saying what he thought he was, was he... she... whatever? This girl was just a kid, Cas couldn't really be planning to use her as a vessel. And what about Jimmy? All Cas had to do was zip in there and heal him up fine and dandy, what was this crap about resting in the fields of the Lord? What the fuck was going on?
"Please, Castiel," Jimmy begged, oblivious to how his own life was slipping away and focused only on his daughter. "I need you to take me... take me... please..."
Castiel took a breath, and maybe it was because Claire was so young but Dean was sure he saw a touch of sympathy, just for second, in those deep blue eyes. The exact colour of her father's.
"I want you to understand," the angel continued. "You won't die. If this last year was painful for you, picture a hundred, a thousand more like it."
Jimmy used his free hand to grip the girl's arm, pulling himself up, and Dean shifted with him, moving his own hands to the guy's shoulders to try and keep him as comfortable as possible. He wanted to say something, argue for the other man, but it was tearing him up inside too much watching Jimmy, who wasn't even a hunter for god's sake, being so willing to sacrifice himself for his kid. The whole thing was just too familiar and called up too many painful memories, leaving Dean's throat too dry and choked up to let him speak.
"It... it doesn't matter..." Jimmy answered, voice rising, turning desperate. Somewhere beyond them Sam helped up a shaky Amelia and they stepped over to watch, but the other three didn't notice. "You take me... Take me!"
Castiel looked up then, eyes falling straight into Dean's, and it took the hunter a while to figure out the look because he'd never seen it on the angel before. Because it wasn't strong, or certain, or commanding. It was confused and unsure. Castiel was asking Dean what he should do.
Dean didn't hesitate. He nodded.
Castiel turned back to Jimmy.
"As you wish," she whispered, lifting her palms to either side of Jimmy's face. They just stared at each other for a second, then Jimmy's head tipped back under the touch and columns of white light spilled from his eyes and mouth.
A second later the light faded, Claire dropped back to her haunches, gasping, and Dean knew, from the way the body on top of him stiffened, that he was holding an angel in his arms instead of a man.
Amelia ran over then, pulling Claire to her, and the child fell, sobbing, against her shoulder.
For the next few seconds Cas just lay there, watching the two of them, and Dean could almost feel him healing beneath his hands, power humming against his fingertips. Then the angel stood, abruptly, and started pacing away. Dean scrambled up after him.
"Cas, hold up," he called.
Castiel stopped and took a breath before turning back and Dean hated himself for a second when he did. Because, despite the blood still cooling on his jeans and the sobbing girl a few feet away, the first thing he felt when Cas met his gaze, back in the trench coat with rumpled black hair and Jimmy's slightly unshaven face, was relief. This was Castiel as he'd always known him. He had his angel back.
"Are you...?" Dean started, voice suddenly thick. "What happened?"
"I learnt my lesson while I was away, Dean," Castiel replied, Jimmy's light, almost boyish voice once again usurped by the angel's unique, rumbling one. "I serve Heaven, I don't serve Man. And I certainly don't serve you."
Cas held Dean's gaze a moment longer and his eyes weren't just emotionless, they were cold. Dean barely kept himself from reeling at the shock. And worse, it hurt. He'd been worried about the guy the last few days, damn it, he'd cared, and now Cas was just brushing him off?
Except... Cas kept looking, eyes boring into the hunter's long after his put down should have been over. And Dean remembered how Claire's eyes had sought him out. An angel who served Heaven really shouldn't have been asking him for advice like that. Maybe there was more going on here than he knew...
Then Cas turned his back again and vanished a blink later.
Dean turned with a sigh and found Sam on the floor, trying to comfort the remaining members of the Novak family. From the way Amelia had started crying along with her daughter Dean figured it wasn't going well. Sam put a hand on her shoulder as she buried her head in Claire's hair and looked up at his brother, broken and helpless.
Dean just shook his head in response. These were good people and Cas had been trying to help for fuck's sake, it wasn't fair they should have had to suffer such crap. And god knew how bad it had even been for Castiel upstairs (or maybe god didn't know and that was the problem). Although, at least Cas had known he was putting himself in danger with his actions, this family had been dragged into the line of fire through no fault of their own. And they'd been so careful to keep the Novak name out of it these past few days too.
"How did they know, Sam?" Dean muttered wearily.
Sam started to shrug, but then his eyes turned distant and calculating. A flash of realisation, followed quickly by fear and heavy wrinkles of uncertainty passed across his face and he looked away.
***
"I still don't see why we couldn't meet at a hotel," Ruby muttered as she followed Sam into Bobby's library. The lights were out, but the moonlight from the window provided more than enough illumination for the two of them to navigate by.
"I told you, it's safer here," Sam answered, turning to lean against one of the far (overstocked) bookshelves and face Ruby head on. "Bobby's got, like, a tone of wards and stuff around this place. Should stop people listening in..."
"Listening in?" Ruby repeated, stopping in the centre of the room to fold her arms across her chest. "What's going on, Sam? What is it you need to tell me that's important enough to mean sneaking into the supernatural Fort Knox while the others are out?"
Sam didn't answer straight away, just stared at her. Scrutinising. The gaze was so intense that eventually Ruby started to shift in discomfort, hands dropping to her sides.
"Sam?" she pressed.
"You remember that guy I told you about, Castiel's vessel?" he asked. Ruby nodded, a couple of lines snaking across her brow. "A bunch of demons attacked his family the other day. They almost didn't make it out alive."
Ruby's face softened, lips flattening out. A perfect expression of sympathy.
"That's tough," she responded. "Not exactly unexpected though. I mean, an angel's vessel? Someone was bound to try and get to him eventually."
Sam nodded.
"It's weird though... because no one knew his name. We were real careful to keep it quiet," he continued. "It's possible the demons figured it out themselves, of course, checked up on missing persons reports, but that would have taken time and... I dunno... it just seems..." He looked down for a second and swallowed. His eyes were sad when he looked up again. "It seems kinda strange that they should have attacked the day after I told you about the guy."
Ruby's eyebrows pointed down.
"What are you saying?" she snapped, instantly cold.
"I just... I need to know if you told anybody."
"You think I ratted this guy out?" Ruby shot back, voice rising. "After everything I've done for you Sam, you honestly think I would do something like that?"
Sam looked away, face clouding.
"I don't mean it like that I just... this is important." He eyes were shining when he turned back, almost pleading. "I just thought, maybe you were talking with some informants or something and let it slip without realising. Or maybe someone forced you..."
Ruby shook her head, breathing out incredulous laughter, dark hair moving across her shoulders in sharp, angry flicks.
"I suffered Alistair for you and you think, what? Some two bit demon might have tricked this out of me?" She scrunched up her nose at the hunter in disgust. "I don't have to listen to this..."
She spun round and marched towards the door, Sam jerking forwards behind her and raising a hand.
"Ruby, wait!"
She didn't. But it didn't matter, because two paces from the door she was flung backwards anyway by an invisible force. She stared at the spot for a moment with wide eyes, then slowly raised her head. Chalked out on the ceiling above, white lines shining clearly in the moonlight, was a Devil's Trap. She turned back to Sam in disbelief.
"Look, just listen, okay?" he started.
"How dare you!" Ruby cut in.
"I don't care if you made a mistake, it happens to all of us," Sam pressed, raising his hands in a pacifying gesture. "I just need to know -"
"I didn't make a mistake!" Ruby yelled. "Now, let. Me. Out!"
"Ruby, please..." Sam continued, verging on desperate now. "Just tell me the truth."
Ruby threw up her hands.
"I don't believe this. You know..." Her anger faded to a pout. "I was really starting to think we had something, Sam. Nothing serious. Not friendship or any Hallmark crap like that. But I thought maybe you cared." She paused long enough to shoot him a withering look. "I guess not."
Then she paced over to another shelf to Sam's right and leant back on it, folding her arms again and just glaring. Sam sighed, long and deep.
"So, you're really not gonna tell me?" he asked.
"There's nothing to tell," Ruby answered, each word bitter and clipped.
Both of them jumped when the lights came on.
"I hate to say I told you so, Sam, but..."
Ruby whirled round to find Dean framing the doorway behind, Bobby at his shoulder.
"Dean, wait," Sam pleaded. "What if she's telling the truth?"
"She's not telling the truth," Dean answered, eyes not leaving the demon as he stepped inside.
"You don't know -"
"Sam, she's feeding you her blood!" Dean shot back, gaze still locked with Ruby's, like he thought she might be planning to tackle his brother and start poisoning him there and then. He still hadn't quite shaken the taste of vomit that had risen up when Sam filled him in on the truth of his late night booty calls either. "She's got you so whipped you can't see straight. Now, we tried it your way like I promised, but she's not talking." He pulled Ruby's knife from his jeans and ran a thumb along the tip. "Now it's my turn."
Ruby's eyes trailed from the knife to Dean's stony expression. Her arms unfolded and she took an uneasy step to the side, away from the hunter.
"Sam?" she asked, a slight tremor creeping into her voice.
She glanced at him quickly, in time to see him grimace, eyes dark and conflicted. Her switch back to Dean was almost instantaneous, but still more than enough time for the hunter to rush forward and take her unawares. He slammed the handle of the knife, along with his fist, hard into the side of her head, knocking Ruby out cold.
When she woke up again she was still under the same Trap, only this time she was bound tightly to a chair, Dean looming over her, knife raised. She tugged a couple of times at the ropes about her wrists but they didn't budge.
"Didn't really think we'd make it that easy, did you?" Dean asked, shaking his head.
Ruby took a moment to scowl at him, then flicked her eyes around the room, assessing what else had changed. It didn't take her long to spot Sam and Bobby watching from the doorway.
"Sam," she started, voice shaking. "You're not... you're not really gonna let him do this?"
Sam's eyes flicked from Ruby to Dean and back again. He bit his lip, then sucked in a breath.
"Get him out of here Bobby," Dean snapped without turning round before his brother could say anything. "She's just gonna play him."
Bobby laid a hand on Sam's shoulder.
"Come on, son," he said quietly, tugging Sam towards the door.
"No, it's just gonna be you and me, sweetheart," Dean murmured, resting his hands on either side of Ruby's chair and leaning down, forcing her to turn her head. "You and me, and everything Alistair taught me..."
Ruby scoffed.
"I've already been under Alistair, remember. You really think you can do better?"
Dean leant closer to whisper in her ear.
"Oh, I think so. See, Alistair didn't have a brother you were screwing over. And frankly? I'm hoping you're not gonna talk. Because now I know what you've been doing Sam, all I wanna hear is how loud I can make you scream."
"Just tell him, Ruby!" Sam pleaded from the doorway, shrugging Bobby off. "Just tell him it was an accident and we don't have to do this!"
"Sam, come on," Bobby tried again.
Dean ignored them and trailed the knife up Ruby's neck, stopping at her chin. His earlier words seemed to have got to her because the look she gave as her head tilted back wasn't anywhere near as defiant as it might have been.
"Was it, Ruby?" Dean pressed, voice turning dangerously soft. "Was it an accident? Or have you been playing us this whole time, huh? Which is it, are you just another manipulative demonic bitch, or are you an incompetent one?" He raised his eyebrows. "Must be tough trying to decide which of those is worse to fess up to."
Ruby pursed her lips and said nothing and Dean pressed the tip of the blade deeper into her skin. A single crimson peal of blood skated down the serrated edge.
"I dare you," Dean hissed. "I dare you to give me a reason to do this."
"Ruby!" Sam called again, but the others barely seemed to notice.
"Did you tip the demons off about Jimmy Novak?" Dean asked, eyes piercing into Ruby's in a way he clearly wished he was doing with a blade instead.
Ruby stared back at him for a long time, her own eyes flicking back and forth between his, breath turning shallow. Until eventually something about the expression must have broken her because she jerked her head back from the knife in defeat.
"Yeah," she spat. "Yeah, it was me. So what?"
Dean lowered the knife, breathing out harshly through his nose in what sounded like disappointment, while Sam stilled in his position halfway through the doorway, face turning slack with shock.
"Why?" he asked, stricken.
Ruby met his gaze over Dean's shoulder and her eyes creased at the corners. Sam felt a familiar tug inside him at the expression he'd once thought meant the girl - the demon - was feeling something benevolent towards him.
"I did it for you, Sam," she said. "Everything I've done has been for you."
"Endangering an innocent man and his family? That was supposed to help Sam?" Dean sneered, pushing away from the chair and looking down at Ruby, eyes narrow.
"You could never understand," she snapped back. "You've always been holding him back, denying his potential. You think I'm poisoning him, when you should be fucking thanking me! All this time I've been making him great! Getting him ready!"
"Ready for what?" Dean pressed at once, taking full advantage of the slip. "And don't give me that crap about wanting to kill Lilith. What are you really here for, huh, Ruby? What do you really want with my brother?"
Ruby's lips spread into a wide, vaguely hysterical grin.
"You have no idea, do you?" she sniggered. "Well fuck you. You're not getting any more from me, I don't care what you do."
She raised her head and spat at Dean's feet and the hunter's face turned an instant, vivid shade of red.
"Oh, you asked for it, bitch!" he growled, fingers gripping tighter round the knife still in his hand.
But just as he started forward Ruby shuddered in her chair, actually scrapping it back a little, and her eyes turned inky black. She sat rigid for a moment, then threw back her head and screamed, high-pitched and unrestrained. A scream of pure agony.
Dean startled back with a frown, then snapped his head round.
Sure enough, Sam had stepped through the door and raised a hand out in front of him, face tight with concentration, eyes fixed on the screaming girl. Bobby hovered uncertainly behind him and looked to Dean for guidance. But all Dean could do was shrug back, as much at a loss of what to do in the face of Sam's power as the older man.
Just when Dean was sure Ruby's throat was about to be ripped to shreds from overuse, Sam lowered his arm with a sigh and the demon's head dropped to her chest. She needed several heavy gasps before she was able to look up again, eyes wide and locking on Sam in complete and utter horror. With maybe a hint of betrayal in there too.
"Why are you here, Ruby?" Sam breathed, and from the way his voice cracked as he spoke it seemed the sense of betrayal swung both ways. "What do you want from me?"
"I want... to help you..." Ruby gasped.
"No." Sam shook his head. "No. This was never about me, was it? You're using me for something else. What is it?"
He started to raise his hand again and Ruby flinched back in her chair, panicked.
"We need you to kill Lilith!" she said quickly, hurrying on when Sam stretched his arm out, unimpressed by the answer. "No, you don't understand, that's how we planned it. Me, her and Azazel!" Sam lowered his arm slightly and shared a frown with his brother. "Sure she's had moments of doubt, but she's faithful, she's willing to make the sacrifice."
"Sacrifice?" Dean repeated. "What are you talking about?"
"Lilith's the final seal," Ruby explained in a rush. "She has to die. For Lucifer to rise again."
Sam let his hand drop back down and a stunned silence descended over the room, broken only by Ruby's continued heavy breathing. After a while her eyes turned to Sam again and she gazed up at him, beseeching.
"It has to be you, Sammy. You have to be the one who does it. Don't you see how special that makes you? And he'll be so grateful once he gets out. He'll thank you in ways you can't imagine. You'll be his right hand man." She swallowed hard. "We can still do it. Get me out of here and forget the others, you don't need them. Please, Sam."
Sam was too shocked to do anything but stare in response, mouth slightly open. And the worse thing wasn't the fact he'd been marked out by the fucking Devil all this time, it was the way Dean was looking at him - body tense, eyes already shining in preparation for tears. Like he wasn't sure what Sam might do. Like he truly believed he might pick Lucifer over his family.
That was what brought everything crashing home to Sam. The blood sucking, the mad lust for revenge against Lilith - what good was any of it if it meant Dean looking at him like that? No. He was done. Finally and irrevocably done. Felt disgusted, in fact, sick to the stomach in a very real and physical way that he'd taken it this far, that he'd actually believed in, trusted, a demon. Shared a bed and blood and maybe even more with her. Almost let her trick him into setting Satan loose on the world.
He put a hand to his mouth to hold down the bile building inside, stumbled back a couple of steps, then turned and practically ran out the door.
Ruby called after him, but he ignored her. And when she was cut off mid-cry by the sound of a blade slicing through the air, he didn't flinch.
this way to part two...
Spoilers: Up to and including 4.20
Category: AU, drama, angst
Rating: PG
Word Count: 15, 783
Summary: Written for a 'what if' challenge over at spnland.
What if Jimmy had known about Castiel's message for Dean...?
***
Between the Suffering and the Will
- or The Supernatural Prometheus
Titan! to thee the strife was given
Between the suffering and the will,
Which torture where they cannot kill;
[...] Thy godlike crime was to be kind,
To render with thy precepts less
The sum of human wretchedness,
And strengthen man with his own mind.
~ Prometheus, Lord Byron.
It took a lot to faze Dean Winchester, especially were food was concerned. But watching the man who had been defined for going on a year now by his stoicism, lack of expression and the fact he didn't need to eat or drink, swallow down his third burger in twenty minutes (with accompanying noises any porn star would have been proud of) apparently crossed a line.
"Mind slowing down? You're gonna give me angina," Dean muttered.
"I'm hungry," the man, so far only identified as 'Jimmy,' shrugged back, taking a long slurp of Coca-Cola through the plastic straw of one of the local diner's take out cups.
"When's the last time you ate?" Sam questioned across the motel's circular table.
"I don't know. Months," Jimmy answered around his straw, before turning back to the remainder of his burger.
Dean felt a pang of sympathy for the guy, remembering his own ravenous hunger after Zechariah lifted that stupid mindwipe he'd put him and Sam under a couple of weeks ago. Sam, on the other hand, pressed on with the questioning, leaning forward slightly with his hands clasped in front of him. Dean thought the position made him look unpleasantly like an interrogator.
"What the hell happened back there? It looked like an angel battle royale."
Much as Dean hated to interrupt the guy in his obviously very personal quest to consume at least half the fast food in the state, an answer to this question was already overdue. It'd been over five hours since Castiel delivered his cryptic 'we need to talk' during one of Dean's late morning naps, with three needed to get to where he'd said to meet and another two calming Jimmy down and getting them all food and a place to stay. Cas had seemed genuinely freaked out in Dean's dream too, which was enough in itself to prove whatever he had to say was important, but now the angel was gone, leaving a smashed up warehouse with angelic symbols on the walls in his wake? Whatever the hell was going on, Dean felt pretty safe in thinking it big.
Jimmy swallowed and shook his head, although his eyes fell to the table in a way years of hunting experience identified at once as shifty.
"All I remember is... there was a flash of light, and when I woke up I was, you know, me again."
"So, what?" Dean pressed. "Cas just, ditched outta your meatsuit?"
Jimmy dropped the rest of his burger into one of the open plastic wrappers on the table and looked away.
"I don't know," he answered. Much too quickly.
Sam and Dean shared a frown.
"Do you remember anything about being possessed? Anything at all?" Sam asked, not quite leaving the bounds of friendly inquiry, although the hint of impatience behind the words suggested he was well on the way.
Jimmy picked up a napkin and started wiping his hands with it.
"Bits and pieces," he shrugged. "I mean... angel inside you, it's kinda like being chained to a comet."
Dean raised his eyebrows.
"Wow, that doesn't sound like much fun."
Jimmy glanced over long enough to shoot him a wry smile.
"Understatement," he said, before lowering his gaze to the scrunched up paper in his hands.
"Cas said he wanted to tell us something," Sam cut into the following silence. "Please tell me you remember that."
This time it was obvious the other man was holding back. He licked and pursed his lips a couple of times before shaking his head, eyes still downcast.
"Listen," Sam started, voice dropping an octave, turning harder. "I don't know how much you know, but what we're part of right now is serious. As in, 'fate of the world' serious. If you know any-"
Jimmy jerked his head up suddenly, cutting Sam off.
"Are we gonna stay here long?" he asked, voice rising a little, a touch of panic around the edges. "I mean... isn't there anywhere else... anywhere else you'd rather be?"
He glanced back at Dean, eyes flashing a silent message and Dean recognised the look. Cas had moulded that face into the exact same one by the lake the hunter had dreamt about fishing in earlier.
:: it's not safe here... someone might be listening ::
"Yeah..." Dean answered slowly, while Sam turned to him in surprise. "Yeah, actually we were planning to head back to a friend's house tomorrow. It's kinda cramped, but it's cosy." He held the other man's gaze for a second, wondering if this cryptic shit he was trying was actually getting through or just going over the other guy's head. "He's got an extra room in the basement."
Jimmy's eyes lit up and Dean figured that meant he recognised the description of Bobby's then. He wondered what else the guy might know about them. Weird, that this man should be such an integral part of their lives, of what he and Sam had been doing this year, and yet be a complete stranger at the same time.
"Sounds nice," Jimmy nodded, still sounding a bit strained. "You... err... you think maybe I could crash for a couple of days? Just to... you know...?"
"Recover," Dean provided when Jimmy trailed off. "Sure. You've been riding a comet for almost a year, you definitely need some R and R. Of course you can hang with us for a while."
Jimmy breathed out slowly and nodded.
"Thanks."
***
It was a tense drive down to South Dakota the next morning, with Jimmy making fertive glances out the window every other second and Dean forgoing music in case it drowned out vital warning sounds of an angel ambush. Not to mention the inexplicably frantic tapping of Sam's fingers against the dashboard - what was with that kid lately? So it was no surprise, really, with everyone as keyed-up as they were and practically suffocated by the silence, that Dean almost drove them off the road when Anna appeared without warning behind Sam with a sudden, "hey guys."
"Smooth," the (formerly) fallen angel noted once Dean steered them back on track.
"You ever tried calling ahead?" Dean muttered, breath still ragged with shock.
"I like the element of surprise," Anna quiped, though she sounded like she was joking more because it was expected than because she had any desire to.
Dean twisted to look over his seat and took in the angel's appearance for the first time. Her skin was pale, much more than when she'd been human and, even more telling perhaps, much more than any other angel he'd come across. Meanwhile, her flaming red hair, so smooth and straight when they'd first met, was now limp and untended, loose strands sticking out at odd angles, like she'd just spent the last two hours running for her life. Then again, that might actually be true, she was still on Heaven's Most Wanted list.
"Woah, you look terrific," the hunter mocked as he turned back to the road, still slightly pissed at the skid and wanting revenge.
"Thanks," Anna responded, equally sarcastic. "When you're on the run, appearance is the least of your worries, you know?" She turned her head. "You're Jimmy, right?"
Jimmy sat up straighter in his seat, eyeing her wearily.
"Yeah..."
Anna nodded, eyes sweeping up and down him.
"It's good that you're here. Don't go anywhere, it's not safe."
"Wasn't planning on it," he answered.
"Castiel... did he tell you anything?" she pressed. Jimmy lowered his gaze.
"Um..."
"Nope," Sam called, twisting round. "We don't know anything."
Anna fixed on Jimmy a moment longer, then gave a slow nod, clueing in. She turned to Sam, mouth open to reply, but stopped once her eyes found him and blinked her head back. After a second she leant forward again, eyes narrowing.
"Sam... you seem... different."
Sam pulled back himself in surprise.
"Me?" he shrugged. "I dunno, haircut?"
But Anna shook her head.
"That's not what I'm talking about," she said, and her voice was so sombre all of a sudden that both Dean and Jimmy fixed their gaze on the other man, a couple of small, anxious lines forming between Dean's eyes.
And for a second, Sam looked worried, an old darkness covering his usually bright hazel eyes that Dean could have sworn he recognised as guilt. But then the younger man was shrugging the moment away, bemused and smiling and Anna dropped the matter with a shake of her head.
"So. Where are you heading?" she asked Dean.
"Bobby's," Dean answered, glancing at her in the rear view mirror.
"Good idea."
"What's going on, Anna?" the hunter asked, feeling bolder now they had an angel of their own in the car.
Anna glanced at Jimmy.
"Just get to Bobby's, I'll meet you there."
The silence was even more oppressive after she left.
***
They didn't even need to explain once they got to the salvage yard. Bobby opened the door before Sam finished his first knock, nodded like he'd been expecting them, and said, "come on, panic room's ready."
Anna was leaning against the room's open door as they paced downstairs, which explained away Bobby's newfound psychic ability reasonably enough (something Dean was quietly relieved about - having one member of the family with powers was enough, thank you). The angel stayed hovering in the doorway while the four of them traipsed inside and a quick look at the walls was enough to explain why - Bobby had managed to find specs for the angel-proofing symbols Alistair had used during his attempt to kill those two Reapers in Greybull and painted a whole load of them across the circular wall. And without Sam or Dean even needing to ask either. Dean didn't think he'd ever have enough gratitude for that man.
"Right," Bobby started from his position in the centre of the room, pushing his trademark trucker's hat slightly higher up his head so he could see everyone better. The others edged against the wall in front of him, Sam and Dean pulling up a couple of metallic chairs, while Jimmy opted to stand, arms gripping the trench coat he'd long since removed to his chest. "One of you better start talking."
The brothers both turned to Jimmy.
The other man nodded and took a breath, only to turn to Anna at the last minute.
"This is safe, right?"
"As safe as you'll get," the angel answered.
"But they can't hear? With the door open?"
"Not unless they came here in person, and we've given them no reason to."
"Who's they?" Sam asked, impatient again. "What's this all about?"
"And where the fuck is Castiel?" Dean added, a little harsher than intended, but he couldn't seem to help it. At some point between checking out of the motel that morning and the drive down, this had become the one question, above all others, that mattered the most. And every second that went by without an answer was making the hunter's blood pressure that little bit higher.
"He got called back," Jimmy answered, meeting Dean's gaze; eyes fearful, body tense.
"Back where?" Dean pressed, too far past his capacity for patience to care if he was freaking out a civilian.
"Back home," Anna clarified. "Although it was more like dragged back."
"Home?" Bobby repeated. "As in... Heaven?"
Anna and Jimmy nodded together.
"And that's... not a good thing?" Sam ventured.
"No," Anna said forcefully. "It's a very bad thing. Painfully, awfully bad." She turned her head to Jimmy. "He must have seriously pissed someone off."
Jimmy took another breath and dropped his gaze to the coat in his hands.
"Not exactly..."
He paused to smooth out some of the creases in the tan fabric, psyching himself up.
"Then what exactly?!" Dean exploded.
"I'm sorry!" Jimmy all but yelped in response. "I just..." He pressed his eyelids down briefly. "I didn't sign up for this, you know?" His eyes were shining as he glanced round at the others and Dean took a moment to note how freaking weird it was seeing eyes that had always been so piercing and collected now on the verge of tears. "And I gave Castiel everything. Everything I had. I left my family. And for what? For this? It's just... it's hard to get my head around."
At the word 'family,' Dean was instantly abashed. This was just an ordinary guy who'd been thrown into a fucked up situation; he shouldn't be trying to shoot the messenger.
"Well, hey, I know you've had a rough time of it," the hunter started, lowering his voice in apology. "But you know, we are trying to save the world. That's not such a terrible thing to be part of."
Jimmy just stared at him, and the misery lining his face turned Dean's blood cold. Because he recognised it. It was the same kind he'd known himself that night in South Dakota when Bobby got back from chasing Jake, and he had to realise all over again that Sam really wasn't leaving his arms alive.
"No you're not," Jimmy whispered.
The guy might as well have been talking Klingon for all the sense those words made to the others.
"What?" Dean asked.
"The angels were never..." Jimmy started, words tumbling out of him in disjointed gasps, as though the whole thing were too painful to lay out all at once. "Protecting the seals, stopping Lilith... it's all a sham... they don't..."
"They don't want to stop Lucifer," Sam finished, reading between the lines and piecing together what Jimmy wasn't saying. "They want the seals broken. They want him to get out." His lips parted in horror once he was done, as though he couldn't believe what he'd just been using them for.
Jimmy's silence was proof enough.
"But... but that don't make sense," Bobby argued. "Why would Heaven wanna let out the Devil?"
A gasp from the doorway turned everyone's gaze to Anna. The angel had a hand to her mouth, eyes staring into nothing, and looked, if it were possible, even paler than back in the Impala. In fact, if Dean hadn't known better, he'd have thought she was some kind of unquiet spirit.
"They plan to finish the war," she breathed. "They want Lucifer free so they can fight him again. To the death this time."
"...oh," Dean said. "Oh, well..." He took in Anna and Jimmy's still sombre expressions. "That's... still bad, isn't it?"
Anna's lips curved in a humourless smile.
"I suppose it depends on your perspective," she answered. "With Lucifer dead there will be no Hell. The battle will be... terrible. And Earth will be the battlefield. It could destroy half the world, easy." She waved a hand. "But those who survive will live out their days in paradise... assuming we win, of course."
It was as if all the air in the world had been sucked away, all at once. No one moved. No one breathed. Then the Winchesters and Bobby turned their heads to each other, equally dumbstruck.
***
It was gone midnight when Sam snuck out into the salvage yard later that night. Not that anyone was sleeping. They'd spent most of the evening shaking their heads and downing Bobby's stock of whiskey and gin. From the look on Jimmy's face when he took his first mouthful it was clear he'd never touched hard liquor before in his life, but he was knocking it back like water in less than an hour. Him and Dean built up a friendly enough rapport after that, while Bobby buried himself in the library with Anna, looking for anything they could use against angels that might help them stop Heaven's plan and speed up the fight against Hell's.
But Sam had other things on his mind.
He paced deep into the mountains of rusting cars and motor parts until he found the shell of an ancient blue Mustang.
He turned a full circle. Nothing.
A harsh, impatient sigh escaped him before he even knew it was coming and he started tapping his palms against his thighs.
"You look like shit."
He whirled round in time to catch a dark, feminine shadow stepping out from behind a half crushed Land Rover.
"It's been two weeks Ruby and I'm all out," Sam spat back. "I feel like shit too."
"Don't worry," Ruby smirked, slinking closer. "I got your pick me up right here..."
She slipped her arms about his neck, moonlight painting intricate patterns on the exposed skin below her Tee. Sam ignored the play at seduction and gripped her tight below the elbows, pushing her back.
"You think this is funny?" he growled. "Like what we're doing is some kind of joke? Just something to pass the time? This is important Ruby. Maybe now more than ever."
Ruby blinked, smile dropping away. She jerked out of Sam's hold and held her hands up, palms out, in apology.
"Jesus. Okay, okay..."
She bent down and pulled a slim, silver knife from her right boot, slicing a red and dripping gash across her wrist before she'd even finished straightening up.
"Here."
Sam pulled the arm to his lips without even looking at her, breathing out deeply in relief as he sucked the viscous liquid over his tongue.
Ruby pet his hair as Sam drank his fill.
"Wow, I know it's been a while, but you're not usually so gung-ho about this," she stated as he finished. "What's got you so worked up?"
Sam pulled away slowly, licking his lips. His hold on the demon's arm was softer now, eyes sheepish as he drew them down to hers.
"Sorry," he muttered as he let her go, hands hovering around the already healing cut as through to offer some kind of comfort.
Eventually, he decided it was best to just stick his hands in his pockets and out of the way. Ruby dropped hers and hooked a thumb through the loop in her jeans, eyebrows raised at Sam expectantly. He shrugged, a more weary and deliberate sigh leaving him this time.
"We just got thrown a pretty big curveball today and... err... I guess it's getting to me."
"What happened?" Ruby asked, dark eyes creasing at the corners in what Sam had come to accept as concern.
He hesitated to answer though, because they'd decided early on that keeping quiet about Heaven's masterplan and what they knew of it was probably for the best. No matter how trustworthy you held your confident, you never knew who was listening in. Castiel was a testament to that. Maybe later, if he could get Ruby in a safe place, he'd tell her the full story. For now, he opted for the abridged version.
"Castiel got, ah, relocated or something, and left his vessel behind," he explained. "Guy named Jimmy Novak. He's got a family back in Illinois, can you believe that?" Sam shook his head. "I mean, I get that demons would break up homes to get a host." He glanced back to Ruby and gave a flat smile. "No offence," he added, but Ruby just waved the aspersion away. "But... I guess I thought angels would be more honourable about it, you know? Cas told us the guy prayed to be a vessel, but from the way Jimmy tells it, he didn't know what he was getting into, not really..."
He trailed off and turned away, staring into the night. Even though Bobby's was a good few miles from town, there was still enough light pollution to blot out most of the stars. It had always been like that, of course, even when Sam visited as a kid, but in that moment he found it hard not to take the fact as some kind of metaphor for the more immediate state of his life. No matter how hard he tried, all you could see was darkness.
After a while he felt a hand on his arm. And although he knew, logically, that the blood inside was only pumping because of the demonic energy keeping the heart beating, knew that the warmth from it was simply an illusion, the fact that it felt real was somehow reassuring. Better an illusion than nothing at all.
"I'm sorry, Sam," Ruby said quietly. "You really can't trust anyone these days."
***
Dean found Jimmy perched on the couch in the library the next morning, an out of date Blackberry in his hands with a wire trailing from the end to a socket in the wall near by. He noticed the wire from a lamp on a small table to the right had been removed for the purpose. Castiel's, no Jimmy's, trenchcoat had been draped across the sofa's back, along with the navy-coloured tie, leaving Jimmy in white shirtsleeves, rolled up to his elbows, with his top two buttons undone.
Dean moved up behind him and saw Jimmy had a picture up on the screen. A smiling woman with long blonde hair had her arms wrapped proudly round a young girl. The matching hair colour and dimples round the kid's grin made it clear the two were related.
"That your family?" Dean asked softly.
Jimmy started a little and turned his head, but relaxed once he saw it was Dean.
"Yeah," he nodded, turning back, and Dean chose to ignore the way he rubbed a hand across his eyes, and how said eyes were quite blatantly red and puffy with past tears. Jimmy sniffed then raised a hand, pointing to the woman. "That's Amelia." He lowered his finger. "And my daughter, Claire... she turned thirteen last month... I missed it..."
He sucked in a breath and pressed his lips together. Dean didn't push for more, just nodded and said 'she's beautiful.'
Jimmy nodded back rather too much, then breathed out a laugh.
"It's a wonder this thing's even still working," he said, waving the Blackberry in front of himself. "It's been in my coat pocket this whole time. I guess he thought it was part of the outfit and made sure it didn't get broken. Battery ran out months ago of course, but your friend Bobby had a spare charger..."
He trailed off, head bowed, and Dean had a sudden urge to grip the guy's shoulder, offer some support, or at the very least prove to Jimmy he wasn't alone in this mess. But he didn't dare. Despite having spent a great deal of time with him over the past year, Dean didn't know this man, they weren't friends. So he compromised and gripped the back of the sofa just behind Jimmy instead.
"He didn't know... you know," Jimmy said a little later, once the silence had drifted into something almost companionable. "Castiel."
Dean blinked and decided not to bother pretending this piece of information didn't matter to him.
"Yeah?" he pressed.
"Not at first," Jimmy continued, lifting his head to stare at the bookcase opposite. "I think... I dunno, he was pretty low on the chain of command or something and they just didn't tell him the whole plan. But, after Uriel, he started asking questions. Overhearing things, and..." He shrugged and Dean nodded gently behind him. "He came to you as soon as he found out."
"But even that wasn't fast enough," Dean added, voice dull. "Do you...? Do you have any idea what they'll do to him?"
Jimmy shook his head and looked down. The Blackberry's screensaver had switched on, covering Amelia and Claire's picture in inky black.
"He knew... I think," he offered. "But it's not as if we had actual conversations. More like, information just kind of... bled out between us." He twisted round and looked at Dean properly for the first time. Eyes awash with sympathy, though who for exactly Dean couldn't say. They seemed watered and flat compared to when Castiel had been looking through them. "I know he was afraid. When he came to you. I felt that much. But when I tried to find out why he just cut me off, completely. It was like he'd slammed a door in my face and locked it. Like he wanted to protect me from whatever was inside."
Dean swallowed, thinking of Alistair and the way he'd juggled blades between his hands before each session. He wondered if Heaven had a torture master too. The way things were going it seemed anything was possible. And if those wings were as big the shadow of them Cas had revealed back in that barn it'd take a hell of a lot of clamps to hold them down... assuming they planned to keep them attached...
It was a blessing for Dean when Jimmy's phone started to ring and distracted his thoughts. One that soon faded when they both turned to the thing in surprise and read the words 'Amelia calling' across the screen.
They'd agreed the night before it would be best if Jimmy didn't contact his family. Now they knew Heaven and Hell were both against them it was just too much of a risk making either side aware of who Jimmy was contacting and why. Any self-respecting demon would be itching to get their hands on an angel's vessel, of course, to find out how they tick, and most certainly wouldn't baulk at threatening anyone close to said vessel to do it. But while Jimmy had made it more than clear, after a few shots of Bobby's finest, that he'd have been willing to risk the wrath of demons for the chance of seeing his wife and daughter again, he'd admitted he was terrified of dragging either of them into the same hell Heaven had put him through. So he'd agreed to stay away to make sure the other angels didn't try and use his family to establish the extent of his knowledge. This way, if the angels did come to suspect him of knowing too much, they already knew Jimmy was with the Winchesters and could come to him directly.
But faced with his wife calling him, what could Jimmy do but answer?
And Dean knew from the first tentative 'Amelia?' and the breathy 'Oh my god' that followed a few minutes later, this couldn't lead to anything good.
***
Amelia was hysterical over the phone, claiming some neighbours had tried to attack their house and that she and Claire barely got away. She'd thought about calling the police but thought they might think she was crazy because she could have sworn the neighbour's eyes were pitch black as they attacked. So, in her panicked state she'd called Jimmy, not really expecting an answer.
Yes, it seemed a bit suspiciously convenient all this should have happened the day after Jimmy got laid off his vessel gig, but the brothers had no reason not to take it at face value. No one knew what Jimmy was but them, after all, so they didn't see how it could be a trap.
Not that they were surprised when it was.
When they got to the abandoned factory Amelia had given as the place she and Claire were hiding out, it turned out the wife was possessed. With several black-eyed flunkies (presumably the neighbours) in tow and the kid tied up and unconscious on a chair behind them.
Sam was able to use his mojo on most of the henchmen without much trouble, but not before the possessed Amelia pulled out a gun and plugged Jimmy in the scuffle. Dean was beside him at the time (they'd been making for the girl) and the guy collapsed right into him, Dean falling down as well and gaping in horror at the blood pouring from the other man's chest. A paralysis caused in no little part by the refusal of the logical side of his brain to quash the side screaming that - this was his angel dying here! this was Castiel bleeding in his arms.
Sam was still struggling with a particularly burly man sporting a black beard and what looked like a lumberjack uniform, so he couldn't help as the other demon paced over to Claire, gun raised.
Jimmy managed a hoarse 'no!' Claire opened her eyes and looked up, and then, to everyone's surprise, the gun flew from Amelia's hand and crashed against the far wall. Seconds later, the ropes holding Claire down burnt away and the kid stood up on the chair so she could reach a hand to her mother's forehead. A blinding golden light covered the woman for a moment, then she was falling to the floor with a gasp, just as Sam finished up with the other demon.
Claire stepped back down and turned to Jimmy, who was still bleeding profusely into Dean's lap.
"Castiel," the men said together.
The angel walked over to them and knelt down, small, childish fingers running through Jimmy's hair.
"You've served well, Jimmy," Castiel said. "It's time to go home now. Your real home. You'll rest forever in the fields of the Lord. Rest now."
Dean's mouth opened, but he barely had time to acknowledge his relief at learning Castiel was okay, or voice a 'what the hell?' at the gibberish the angel had just finished spouting, before Jimmy was protesting.
"No... Claire," he hissed through gritted teeth, one hand pressing hard against the hole in his stomach in a futile attempt to stop the pain.
"She's with me now," Castiel responded, chillingly calm. "She's chosen. It's in her blood, as it was in yours."
Dean felt his jaw drop and left it there. Castiel wasn't seriously saying what he thought he was, was he... she... whatever? This girl was just a kid, Cas couldn't really be planning to use her as a vessel. And what about Jimmy? All Cas had to do was zip in there and heal him up fine and dandy, what was this crap about resting in the fields of the Lord? What the fuck was going on?
"Please, Castiel," Jimmy begged, oblivious to how his own life was slipping away and focused only on his daughter. "I need you to take me... take me... please..."
Castiel took a breath, and maybe it was because Claire was so young but Dean was sure he saw a touch of sympathy, just for second, in those deep blue eyes. The exact colour of her father's.
"I want you to understand," the angel continued. "You won't die. If this last year was painful for you, picture a hundred, a thousand more like it."
Jimmy used his free hand to grip the girl's arm, pulling himself up, and Dean shifted with him, moving his own hands to the guy's shoulders to try and keep him as comfortable as possible. He wanted to say something, argue for the other man, but it was tearing him up inside too much watching Jimmy, who wasn't even a hunter for god's sake, being so willing to sacrifice himself for his kid. The whole thing was just too familiar and called up too many painful memories, leaving Dean's throat too dry and choked up to let him speak.
"It... it doesn't matter..." Jimmy answered, voice rising, turning desperate. Somewhere beyond them Sam helped up a shaky Amelia and they stepped over to watch, but the other three didn't notice. "You take me... Take me!"
Castiel looked up then, eyes falling straight into Dean's, and it took the hunter a while to figure out the look because he'd never seen it on the angel before. Because it wasn't strong, or certain, or commanding. It was confused and unsure. Castiel was asking Dean what he should do.
Dean didn't hesitate. He nodded.
Castiel turned back to Jimmy.
"As you wish," she whispered, lifting her palms to either side of Jimmy's face. They just stared at each other for a second, then Jimmy's head tipped back under the touch and columns of white light spilled from his eyes and mouth.
A second later the light faded, Claire dropped back to her haunches, gasping, and Dean knew, from the way the body on top of him stiffened, that he was holding an angel in his arms instead of a man.
Amelia ran over then, pulling Claire to her, and the child fell, sobbing, against her shoulder.
For the next few seconds Cas just lay there, watching the two of them, and Dean could almost feel him healing beneath his hands, power humming against his fingertips. Then the angel stood, abruptly, and started pacing away. Dean scrambled up after him.
"Cas, hold up," he called.
Castiel stopped and took a breath before turning back and Dean hated himself for a second when he did. Because, despite the blood still cooling on his jeans and the sobbing girl a few feet away, the first thing he felt when Cas met his gaze, back in the trench coat with rumpled black hair and Jimmy's slightly unshaven face, was relief. This was Castiel as he'd always known him. He had his angel back.
"Are you...?" Dean started, voice suddenly thick. "What happened?"
"I learnt my lesson while I was away, Dean," Castiel replied, Jimmy's light, almost boyish voice once again usurped by the angel's unique, rumbling one. "I serve Heaven, I don't serve Man. And I certainly don't serve you."
Cas held Dean's gaze a moment longer and his eyes weren't just emotionless, they were cold. Dean barely kept himself from reeling at the shock. And worse, it hurt. He'd been worried about the guy the last few days, damn it, he'd cared, and now Cas was just brushing him off?
Except... Cas kept looking, eyes boring into the hunter's long after his put down should have been over. And Dean remembered how Claire's eyes had sought him out. An angel who served Heaven really shouldn't have been asking him for advice like that. Maybe there was more going on here than he knew...
Then Cas turned his back again and vanished a blink later.
Dean turned with a sigh and found Sam on the floor, trying to comfort the remaining members of the Novak family. From the way Amelia had started crying along with her daughter Dean figured it wasn't going well. Sam put a hand on her shoulder as she buried her head in Claire's hair and looked up at his brother, broken and helpless.
Dean just shook his head in response. These were good people and Cas had been trying to help for fuck's sake, it wasn't fair they should have had to suffer such crap. And god knew how bad it had even been for Castiel upstairs (or maybe god didn't know and that was the problem). Although, at least Cas had known he was putting himself in danger with his actions, this family had been dragged into the line of fire through no fault of their own. And they'd been so careful to keep the Novak name out of it these past few days too.
"How did they know, Sam?" Dean muttered wearily.
Sam started to shrug, but then his eyes turned distant and calculating. A flash of realisation, followed quickly by fear and heavy wrinkles of uncertainty passed across his face and he looked away.
***
"I still don't see why we couldn't meet at a hotel," Ruby muttered as she followed Sam into Bobby's library. The lights were out, but the moonlight from the window provided more than enough illumination for the two of them to navigate by.
"I told you, it's safer here," Sam answered, turning to lean against one of the far (overstocked) bookshelves and face Ruby head on. "Bobby's got, like, a tone of wards and stuff around this place. Should stop people listening in..."
"Listening in?" Ruby repeated, stopping in the centre of the room to fold her arms across her chest. "What's going on, Sam? What is it you need to tell me that's important enough to mean sneaking into the supernatural Fort Knox while the others are out?"
Sam didn't answer straight away, just stared at her. Scrutinising. The gaze was so intense that eventually Ruby started to shift in discomfort, hands dropping to her sides.
"Sam?" she pressed.
"You remember that guy I told you about, Castiel's vessel?" he asked. Ruby nodded, a couple of lines snaking across her brow. "A bunch of demons attacked his family the other day. They almost didn't make it out alive."
Ruby's face softened, lips flattening out. A perfect expression of sympathy.
"That's tough," she responded. "Not exactly unexpected though. I mean, an angel's vessel? Someone was bound to try and get to him eventually."
Sam nodded.
"It's weird though... because no one knew his name. We were real careful to keep it quiet," he continued. "It's possible the demons figured it out themselves, of course, checked up on missing persons reports, but that would have taken time and... I dunno... it just seems..." He looked down for a second and swallowed. His eyes were sad when he looked up again. "It seems kinda strange that they should have attacked the day after I told you about the guy."
Ruby's eyebrows pointed down.
"What are you saying?" she snapped, instantly cold.
"I just... I need to know if you told anybody."
"You think I ratted this guy out?" Ruby shot back, voice rising. "After everything I've done for you Sam, you honestly think I would do something like that?"
Sam looked away, face clouding.
"I don't mean it like that I just... this is important." He eyes were shining when he turned back, almost pleading. "I just thought, maybe you were talking with some informants or something and let it slip without realising. Or maybe someone forced you..."
Ruby shook her head, breathing out incredulous laughter, dark hair moving across her shoulders in sharp, angry flicks.
"I suffered Alistair for you and you think, what? Some two bit demon might have tricked this out of me?" She scrunched up her nose at the hunter in disgust. "I don't have to listen to this..."
She spun round and marched towards the door, Sam jerking forwards behind her and raising a hand.
"Ruby, wait!"
She didn't. But it didn't matter, because two paces from the door she was flung backwards anyway by an invisible force. She stared at the spot for a moment with wide eyes, then slowly raised her head. Chalked out on the ceiling above, white lines shining clearly in the moonlight, was a Devil's Trap. She turned back to Sam in disbelief.
"Look, just listen, okay?" he started.
"How dare you!" Ruby cut in.
"I don't care if you made a mistake, it happens to all of us," Sam pressed, raising his hands in a pacifying gesture. "I just need to know -"
"I didn't make a mistake!" Ruby yelled. "Now, let. Me. Out!"
"Ruby, please..." Sam continued, verging on desperate now. "Just tell me the truth."
Ruby threw up her hands.
"I don't believe this. You know..." Her anger faded to a pout. "I was really starting to think we had something, Sam. Nothing serious. Not friendship or any Hallmark crap like that. But I thought maybe you cared." She paused long enough to shoot him a withering look. "I guess not."
Then she paced over to another shelf to Sam's right and leant back on it, folding her arms again and just glaring. Sam sighed, long and deep.
"So, you're really not gonna tell me?" he asked.
"There's nothing to tell," Ruby answered, each word bitter and clipped.
Both of them jumped when the lights came on.
"I hate to say I told you so, Sam, but..."
Ruby whirled round to find Dean framing the doorway behind, Bobby at his shoulder.
"Dean, wait," Sam pleaded. "What if she's telling the truth?"
"She's not telling the truth," Dean answered, eyes not leaving the demon as he stepped inside.
"You don't know -"
"Sam, she's feeding you her blood!" Dean shot back, gaze still locked with Ruby's, like he thought she might be planning to tackle his brother and start poisoning him there and then. He still hadn't quite shaken the taste of vomit that had risen up when Sam filled him in on the truth of his late night booty calls either. "She's got you so whipped you can't see straight. Now, we tried it your way like I promised, but she's not talking." He pulled Ruby's knife from his jeans and ran a thumb along the tip. "Now it's my turn."
Ruby's eyes trailed from the knife to Dean's stony expression. Her arms unfolded and she took an uneasy step to the side, away from the hunter.
"Sam?" she asked, a slight tremor creeping into her voice.
She glanced at him quickly, in time to see him grimace, eyes dark and conflicted. Her switch back to Dean was almost instantaneous, but still more than enough time for the hunter to rush forward and take her unawares. He slammed the handle of the knife, along with his fist, hard into the side of her head, knocking Ruby out cold.
When she woke up again she was still under the same Trap, only this time she was bound tightly to a chair, Dean looming over her, knife raised. She tugged a couple of times at the ropes about her wrists but they didn't budge.
"Didn't really think we'd make it that easy, did you?" Dean asked, shaking his head.
Ruby took a moment to scowl at him, then flicked her eyes around the room, assessing what else had changed. It didn't take her long to spot Sam and Bobby watching from the doorway.
"Sam," she started, voice shaking. "You're not... you're not really gonna let him do this?"
Sam's eyes flicked from Ruby to Dean and back again. He bit his lip, then sucked in a breath.
"Get him out of here Bobby," Dean snapped without turning round before his brother could say anything. "She's just gonna play him."
Bobby laid a hand on Sam's shoulder.
"Come on, son," he said quietly, tugging Sam towards the door.
"No, it's just gonna be you and me, sweetheart," Dean murmured, resting his hands on either side of Ruby's chair and leaning down, forcing her to turn her head. "You and me, and everything Alistair taught me..."
Ruby scoffed.
"I've already been under Alistair, remember. You really think you can do better?"
Dean leant closer to whisper in her ear.
"Oh, I think so. See, Alistair didn't have a brother you were screwing over. And frankly? I'm hoping you're not gonna talk. Because now I know what you've been doing Sam, all I wanna hear is how loud I can make you scream."
"Just tell him, Ruby!" Sam pleaded from the doorway, shrugging Bobby off. "Just tell him it was an accident and we don't have to do this!"
"Sam, come on," Bobby tried again.
Dean ignored them and trailed the knife up Ruby's neck, stopping at her chin. His earlier words seemed to have got to her because the look she gave as her head tilted back wasn't anywhere near as defiant as it might have been.
"Was it, Ruby?" Dean pressed, voice turning dangerously soft. "Was it an accident? Or have you been playing us this whole time, huh? Which is it, are you just another manipulative demonic bitch, or are you an incompetent one?" He raised his eyebrows. "Must be tough trying to decide which of those is worse to fess up to."
Ruby pursed her lips and said nothing and Dean pressed the tip of the blade deeper into her skin. A single crimson peal of blood skated down the serrated edge.
"I dare you," Dean hissed. "I dare you to give me a reason to do this."
"Ruby!" Sam called again, but the others barely seemed to notice.
"Did you tip the demons off about Jimmy Novak?" Dean asked, eyes piercing into Ruby's in a way he clearly wished he was doing with a blade instead.
Ruby stared back at him for a long time, her own eyes flicking back and forth between his, breath turning shallow. Until eventually something about the expression must have broken her because she jerked her head back from the knife in defeat.
"Yeah," she spat. "Yeah, it was me. So what?"
Dean lowered the knife, breathing out harshly through his nose in what sounded like disappointment, while Sam stilled in his position halfway through the doorway, face turning slack with shock.
"Why?" he asked, stricken.
Ruby met his gaze over Dean's shoulder and her eyes creased at the corners. Sam felt a familiar tug inside him at the expression he'd once thought meant the girl - the demon - was feeling something benevolent towards him.
"I did it for you, Sam," she said. "Everything I've done has been for you."
"Endangering an innocent man and his family? That was supposed to help Sam?" Dean sneered, pushing away from the chair and looking down at Ruby, eyes narrow.
"You could never understand," she snapped back. "You've always been holding him back, denying his potential. You think I'm poisoning him, when you should be fucking thanking me! All this time I've been making him great! Getting him ready!"
"Ready for what?" Dean pressed at once, taking full advantage of the slip. "And don't give me that crap about wanting to kill Lilith. What are you really here for, huh, Ruby? What do you really want with my brother?"
Ruby's lips spread into a wide, vaguely hysterical grin.
"You have no idea, do you?" she sniggered. "Well fuck you. You're not getting any more from me, I don't care what you do."
She raised her head and spat at Dean's feet and the hunter's face turned an instant, vivid shade of red.
"Oh, you asked for it, bitch!" he growled, fingers gripping tighter round the knife still in his hand.
But just as he started forward Ruby shuddered in her chair, actually scrapping it back a little, and her eyes turned inky black. She sat rigid for a moment, then threw back her head and screamed, high-pitched and unrestrained. A scream of pure agony.
Dean startled back with a frown, then snapped his head round.
Sure enough, Sam had stepped through the door and raised a hand out in front of him, face tight with concentration, eyes fixed on the screaming girl. Bobby hovered uncertainly behind him and looked to Dean for guidance. But all Dean could do was shrug back, as much at a loss of what to do in the face of Sam's power as the older man.
Just when Dean was sure Ruby's throat was about to be ripped to shreds from overuse, Sam lowered his arm with a sigh and the demon's head dropped to her chest. She needed several heavy gasps before she was able to look up again, eyes wide and locking on Sam in complete and utter horror. With maybe a hint of betrayal in there too.
"Why are you here, Ruby?" Sam breathed, and from the way his voice cracked as he spoke it seemed the sense of betrayal swung both ways. "What do you want from me?"
"I want... to help you..." Ruby gasped.
"No." Sam shook his head. "No. This was never about me, was it? You're using me for something else. What is it?"
He started to raise his hand again and Ruby flinched back in her chair, panicked.
"We need you to kill Lilith!" she said quickly, hurrying on when Sam stretched his arm out, unimpressed by the answer. "No, you don't understand, that's how we planned it. Me, her and Azazel!" Sam lowered his arm slightly and shared a frown with his brother. "Sure she's had moments of doubt, but she's faithful, she's willing to make the sacrifice."
"Sacrifice?" Dean repeated. "What are you talking about?"
"Lilith's the final seal," Ruby explained in a rush. "She has to die. For Lucifer to rise again."
Sam let his hand drop back down and a stunned silence descended over the room, broken only by Ruby's continued heavy breathing. After a while her eyes turned to Sam again and she gazed up at him, beseeching.
"It has to be you, Sammy. You have to be the one who does it. Don't you see how special that makes you? And he'll be so grateful once he gets out. He'll thank you in ways you can't imagine. You'll be his right hand man." She swallowed hard. "We can still do it. Get me out of here and forget the others, you don't need them. Please, Sam."
Sam was too shocked to do anything but stare in response, mouth slightly open. And the worse thing wasn't the fact he'd been marked out by the fucking Devil all this time, it was the way Dean was looking at him - body tense, eyes already shining in preparation for tears. Like he wasn't sure what Sam might do. Like he truly believed he might pick Lucifer over his family.
That was what brought everything crashing home to Sam. The blood sucking, the mad lust for revenge against Lilith - what good was any of it if it meant Dean looking at him like that? No. He was done. Finally and irrevocably done. Felt disgusted, in fact, sick to the stomach in a very real and physical way that he'd taken it this far, that he'd actually believed in, trusted, a demon. Shared a bed and blood and maybe even more with her. Almost let her trick him into setting Satan loose on the world.
He put a hand to his mouth to hold down the bile building inside, stumbled back a couple of steps, then turned and practically ran out the door.
Ruby called after him, but he ignored her. And when she was cut off mid-cry by the sound of a blade slicing through the air, he didn't flinch.
this way to part two...