One Last Time
Title: One Last Time
Pairing: Ohmiya
Raiting/Genre: R, angst.. romance
Disclaimer: I don't own these guys nor the songs
Summary: He wanted him to stay, but he had to let him go. He only had this one last time to have him for himself.
note: i just got bit addicted to the song and then my imagination did the rest..
when you're reading this, i hope you would listen the songs, at the same time :) this song would be when nino is going to start play the piano song. And when the song comes you can listen the original song same time as the you read the lyrics. if you want to hear the song with male voice, here is one.
note2: Thank you for my betas: inaudible_d and thoroughlynerdy! seriously, i would have abandoned this fic already, but thanks to your amazing help, it's finally done! also, i apolozige for being damn stupid in these things.... sorry!
He looked at the man who was dressing up. The man, who was three years older than him, was trying to button his shirt on, while he sat on the bed looking at him. The sight was something someone would pay for, the older man was so beautiful in a clear white shirt and straight black pants. He could easily be a model.
You could easily see the muscles through the shirt as the man turned his back to him, to look at himself from the mirror. The graceful steps that the man took gave away the hundreds of lessons of dance up till now.
He stood up as the older man tried to tie his tie, for the second time. He came behind the slightly shorter, but older, man and found the perfect spot for his chin to rest on the shoulder as his hands crawled their way around the other man's waist and settled on his stomach. He could feel the way the other man tensed for a second before continuing slowly. As the man tried again, he watched those beautiful artistic graceful hands that were longer and thinner than his. He has always loved them. They were so beautiful, warm and just perfect against his own.
As the man's latest attempt to tie the tie failed, he moved his hands to take it in his hands. As he was about to touch the fabric, their hands touched. He tried not to flinch at the way the older man moved his hands away fast, so he could finish the job.
He slowly tied the tie, enjoying the feeling of closeness and to be able to help the other. He was basking in the feeling, wanting to remember it for the rest of his life.
As they, well actually the older man, had gotten ready, they left from the apartment and walked in silence to the garage. When he finally started the car the music filled the silence, creating much calmer atmosphere inside the small space.
The drive took fifteen minutes from the apartment, until they were in front of the restaurant. The one where he had made a reservation for a table.
He parked the car and they walked once again in silence to the restaurant, this time there was a small sense of curiosity flying in the air.
It was a beautiful restaurant. It wasn't one of the hyper expensive one, but still slightly better than a normal family restaurant. The questioned restaurant had become quite popular in the past 3 months and it was really hard nowadays to get a table in a two weeks' timetable. Though he had gotten the table through contacts since his friend was working there.
And that the exact friend had managed to let him get a part time job from the same restaurant. Not that the matter of being the restaurant owner's boyfriend meant something on that decisions or anything.
But he had gotten the table. Just for the two of them, for this night.
It was a date.
A long-waited date.
They were led to a quiet corner where they could see the entire hall. Most of the tables were already full of people, making the quiet words and sounds of eating ring silently around the room. Their table was simply decorated but still looked nice. The full cutlery was on the table, forks, knives and spoons. To bring some color, there was one beautiful lavender-colored rose, which was situated in the middle of the table. The fully bloomed rose was something he had asked for beforehand.
They ordered some food as starters with a small glass of white wine for both of them. As they waited for their food, the silence was there again, but this time it was the normal silence. The quiet time, where both of them felt comfortable. The very quiet music could be heard under the conversations. It was a gentle classic music piece.
As they got their first course, more people came in to the restaurant.
He looked as the older man took the first bite of the food. He wanted to know if he liked the food, well he was sure he would like it since the man loved almost everything but there was that one kind of spark in his eyes when he thought the food was really delicious. After a couple bites, the man jerked his head up. His eyes were bright and round, his face showing the surprise. The man continued to eat the food with fast bites until he swallowed. The pure surprise and delight shone from his eyes as he looked at the food, before he heard the delightful shocked whisper, “umai”.
It was enough to convince him that he had made the right decision to bring them here and was able to start eating his own food. After his first bite, even he, who was really picky of his food, could tell that it was delicious. Even the wine went perfectly with the food. It wasn't a surprise that the restaurant was full of people eating, since the food was this good. It made him bit sad that he had never eaten the food before even though it had been offered couple of times after his work.
The two of them were eating in a hungry silence, both of them weren't able to break the silence since it needed the act of not eating and making words. Once the food was finished and the waitress had taken their plates with the orders of the main course, the silence started to weigh heavily around them.
The murmurs of the people around them were still there but the gentle music had stopped. He could see the older man start to fidget on the other side of the table, which brought small nervous waves for his lower stomach. With a hard gulp he looked up to those beautiful brown eyes he loved since he first time he saw them and he opened his mouth.
“Would you like to hear me play something with that piano over there?”
He could feel the nervous sweat starting to form a bead in his back and on his hairline. He knows that the older man loves it when he plays the piano. He always listened to him when he played at his home and sometimes even asked him to play for him. Since... he wasn't sure if the man wanted to hear it anymore, the soft question was both a surprise and a relief.
“Is it okay?”
“Yes” he answered with a sigh, a small smile growing to his face as he looked back to that chubby face, which wasn't that chubby anymore. He knew that the older man had problems with his confidence in looks, but to him, he has always looked so handsome and beautiful. “Yes, it's okay” he said more confidently, “I sometimes play the piano here, as a part timer”, he explained.
“So... would you? I mean would you like me to play?” he asked again, needing to ensure the answer he thought he already got.
“Yes, it would be nice” with a quiet musical voice the older man answered, a smile twitching on the corner of those rose colored lips.
With a nod, he rose up from his chair and walked to a small platform where the piano had been situated. As he took a step on it, the voices around him seemed to quiet down and some curious looks were sent to him. Three more steps and he was standing right next to the bench.
With a deep breath, he took a seat. The noises had flown from his head, leaving him in silence. He raised the keyboard cover and stared at the white keys that were revealed. The piano keys were already familiar to him and he knew what he wanted to play. The melody was already on his mind. But even though the situation was something he had wanted for a while, it was also something he was afraid of. He took a deep breath and fit his fingers to the keys.
And started to play.
The notes flowed out loudly, ringing around the quiet hall sweetly. Every person that was present at the hall had stopped moving and was just staring at him, who was clearly in his own world. The song was beautiful but still you can feel the sadness flowing out from it. From closer you could see his mouth moving. As if he was singing with the melody. Words that were not heard.
As the song was coming to an end, the small tears that he had tried to keep away came forward and stained his cheeks. On the last notes he whispered brokenly, ” - who takes you home”, and the piano sound slowly died down.
It was dead quiet for a second before a loud clapping broke out, and people stood up from their seats. He breathed shakily before he quickly wiped away the tears and stood up, bowing and thanking the audience for listening to his playing. He then closed the cover and walked back to their table, with still shaky legs. He sighed deeply as he finally got to sit down on his seat.
Breathing slowly a couple of times, he finally had the courage to look up at the man, the man who was the reason for everything. The smile that was presented to him was so beautiful. It was so bright and lovely that he hoped he could take a picture of it and save it, so he could always look at it when he felt down. It was enough to stop the tremble and make him relaxed, enough to make him smile with a shy wide smile.
”It was beautiful” the older man said, his voice strong and loud. There wasn't even a hint of a lie in his words and his eyes, the man's eyes that were so clear and shiny with warmth and pride, was enough to prove that.
”Thank you” he thanked with feeling. He was so thankful and happy that the person who's so important to him and the person whose opinion mattered the most, liked the song.
Both of them smiled at each other, the earlier tension totally forgotten. The eye contact was broken apart by a waiter who brought their next course of food. With smile, they thanked the waiter and dug in to the tasty looking meal, his tummy growling just by the smell of it.
As the food was eaten and the beautiful desserts too, this time though with small chit chat, it was time to pay. The song seemed to be the important piece to break down the last walls of nervousness, which prevented them from talking.
When the bill was brought to table, the older man was already searching for his wallet when he gave his bank card to the waitress. It was unusual, that's true, since the older man was the one who usually paid for their meals. It was known that he was the cheapskate. But this was their date, one that he had arranged for them.
They left the restaurant, walking to his car with smiles and talking about the new dance the older man was practicing at the moment. Their conversation continued without problems, even throughout the drive, until he parked the car on his spot and shut the engine.
They were left in a silence as the noises from the engine finally quieted down. Both of them were looking at the tall building, thinking about what was going to happen next.
He was the first one to break out of it, by unbuckling the seat belt, opening his door and stepping out of the car. Then he moved to other side and opened the door, just as the older man was reaching for the handle. With a small thanks, the older man got out and stood next to him as he shut and locked the door.
When they started to walk forward, he slowly moved his hand to brush against the older man's. And then tried to hide the butterflies that flew around his stomach just from the touch. He didn't want to force the older man do these things, no, he wanted for the older one to have the chance to decide what he wanted to do. So when he felt a touch of those lovely fingers against his, he couldn't keep the gasp of surprise inside his mouth and the blush that crept to his cheeks when that warm hand closed around his, their fingers tied to each other. They made their journey back to that apartment in silence.
Once they got inside and the door closed behind him. He looked at the older man, who took his shoes off and was putting them on the shoe shelf on his left side. He wanted to ask something but was afraid of the answer he could get. As the man rose up and turned to look at him, seemingly questioning if he was going to take off his shoes, he blurted out the question bluntly.
”Can I kiss you?”
His hands flew to close his mouth right after. His eyes were as wide as they could be opened, looking at the shocked face of the older man and hoping for the best of him that he just didn't kill their night with his stupidity.
As seconds went by, his fear took over his mind.
Until he felt a palm against his hand. He opened his eyes, which he didn't remember closing and stared at the beautiful man right in front of him. He's not sure if the man could see the fear in his eyes, but the way the older man tugged him closer was enough to shoot that fear down, even just a little bit. And when he felt that breath against his face, the main and most important thoughts flew away from his head. His little mind got ahead of itself.
And when the low breathy ”Yes” was said, even the last fragments of thoughts flew away, leaving him to think with that 'not so clever mind'. Which of course resulted by him going forward and kissing the air out of the love of his life. When they broke apart from the kiss, he somehow managed to kick his shoes away and then stepped closer to the older man, his free hand moving up to the little hairs on back of the man's head and bringing their mouths back together in a feverish kiss.
The kisses didn't just end with those two, but continued and when they finally had to draw back enough to realise that they had somehow walked themselves to his bedroom, shirts already half open. Breathing heavily, he felt that the older man was taking a step back, a step away from him. He took a step forward, not letting the man go away and squeezing that hand that was still somehow holding onto his own. He blinked hurriedly, trying to clear his mind from the fuzzy feeling and look at the other man's eyes.
“Please” he breathed shakily, the voice dripping with want and despair.
“Please, make love to me” he continued, whispering his wish against those already puffed lips from their earlier kisses and making the older man shiver. He was shaking with the feeling of despair and lust. Needing to feel that body against his, needing to feel that hot skin against his. Once again he moved his left hand, his right still gripping at the older man's tightly, to one of those chubby cheeks. He could feel the tears again but he didn't care. He needed this, no matter how much it was going to hurt but he needed this. His body and heart needed this.
“Oh-chan” he pleaded brokenly, the first teardrops slipping from his eyes.
“Plea-“ his pleading was stopped by hungry lips that were sealed against his own. The older man's hand was brought to his chest and from there it moved to his back, removing the shirt and revealing his skin. As the shirt was removed, the air hit the hot skin coldly, making him shiver and a moan rip out of his throat. The moan seemed to click something on the older man's head as he soon found himself naked and pushed to the bed, while the older man yanked his clothes away as fast as he could.
As soon as the older man got out of his clothes, he was on top of him, kissing him and making him forget the whole world around them.
They made love slowly. Every touch felt hot against the other's skin. Their hands were moving against each other's body, trying to find every sensitive spot, every blemish the other might have and save it to the memory. Every move was made firmly but still with so much care and so gently that his heart was going to burst from all the feelings he could feel from the older man.
They were learning and memorizing each other's bodies. Nothing could have been any better and it made the moment perfect.
After minutes of stretching the moment, both quickened their pace. The need to come was too intense that even if they did not want it to end soon, they couldn't hold it anymore. Moans and whimpers filled the room with shouted and muffled names. With last thrusts, he came crying out loud the older's name, spurting his come up and staining their sweaty stomachs. The older man coming right after, his load filling his inside.
The older man shuddered on top of him, the after effects of their amazing orgasm, before he slumped on top of him. The slimy come spreading and sticking them together, before both of them fell to sleep.
He woke up, feeling fully rested, warm and secured. His head was resting on a muscular arm, inches away from the older's face. That beautiful face was just inches away from his. He could feel the man's breath against his lips, he could almost taste it. It was a beautiful moment, one that he didn't want to break. He had always loved these kinds of moments and they were rare since he was usually the one who woke up last. He stared at the face for minutes before slowly pulling away, being careful not to wake up the older man.
He had already planned beforehand what to do, he already knew what he needed to do, but it still felt terrible and the ache, he knew he will get to know for years after this morning, was almost touching his heart already.
He pushed the pain away, sat up, jolting when he felt something move inside of him. As the thing continued to move, he started to figure out where the feeling was coming from until he remembered what the “thing” actually was. Blushing very brightly, he tensed his butt muscles to try to keep that seed inside of him even bit longer and reached out to his nightstand. With small effort, he opened the drawer and took out small amount of paper and a pen. Just as he was about to get closer to the table, the man behind him, sighed and crawled closer, his hands reaching around his stomach and hugging him tightly.
The pain came back with full force, choking him with the tears that came forward. He turned to look back, catching as the gentle sleepy face formed a small smile to those perfect lips on the older man's face. He fought against the tears, he really did, but they still managed to slip down to his cheeks. Quickly wiping them away, he snatched his camera, which surprisingly was at the drawer too and snatched couple photos of the sleepy face. As fast he took the camera out, he put it back and started his letter to the older man, like he was supposed to do right from the start.
When he finished the letter, he folded it nicely and took out the lonely CD case from inside the drawer. Staring at the cover for some time, he opened it and wrote his name inside. Once that was done, he inserted the folded letter inside case and closed it. Closing his eyes and breathing slowly for couple of times, just to try to lessen the shaking he felt, and then he stood carefully up. Ears sharp for every noise the older man behind him could let out as he stepped away from the bed, forward to those piles of clothes that weren't that far away from the bed.
Two steps and he was standing next to the clothes that looked more like the older man's than his. He searched for the bag he knew was there. The older man had it almost always with him. At least when he went to practices or for a show. And there it was. Under the pile of shirt, tie and boxers.
Quickly looking back to the bed, he squatted down and placed the CD inside a pocket. Giving it a last glance, he zipped the small zipper and stood up. He knew that the older man wouldn't check it out right away, but only when he was looking for something. Before he got second thoughts, he set the clothes back on top of it and hurriedly walked back to the bed and under that blanket, to that promised warmth.
When he was just settling to lay down, the older man grabbed a hold his hips and tug him back to the hug, where he had been in once before in that morning. Smiling sadly, he let his fingers trail that fine jaw, not wanting to let go of this moment.
Deciding on the sudden urge, he stretched his free left arm back to that nightstand and grasped a hold of that camera he had used little while ago. Slowly he brought the camera closer and snapped it open. Bringing his right hand up, he focused the lens on the older man's face. Taking couple photos of the older man's drooling face, he moved his hand to wipe that drool away with a fond smile before he directed the lens closer to those red puffy lips and taking couple shots more. Looking back from the camera's screen back to the older man's face, just to check if the man was still dead to the world, he stretched his hand up, right on top of their heads, while his heart beat furiously. He scooted even closer to the man than before and closed his eyes. His right hand's fingers touching that chin again. Breathing slowly and relaxing, he clicked at the button and took two shots of them.
Not wanting to risk of getting caught at taking photos without permission, even though the older man was a heavy sleeper, he shoved the camera back to the drawer, closing it with a same sweep and bringing the hand against his chest as fast as he could. He stayed still for a while, letting his heart calm down and his breathing steady, before he snuggled closer, as close he could go. The older man's hands closed around him tightly, making him feel safe and warm. And before he knew it, he drifted back to sleep.
The second time he woke up, he felt something move on his back. The touch was feather light, so light that it made his skin get goosebumps. Moaning sleepily, he wormed closer to the older man's neck, his nose nuzzling at the skin there before sighing happily and settling down back to that light sleep. Not hearing the light chuckle that the older man let out from his reaction.
The older man hugged him tightly, kissing that messy bed hair, before shifting him higher and making butterfly kisses all around his face. Acting bratty once again, he grunted under the touch, but soon started to giggle.
He slowly opened his eyes and stared straight to the older man's warm eyes. Those eyes, he loved them so much, and he was just basking to the feeling of getting the older man's full attention right in the morning.
They stared at each other in silence for some time, neither wanting to move first. After three minutes a small smile grew to the older man's handsome baby face.
“Good morning sleepyhead” the man whispered, warm and raspy, while tightening his hands around him. A slow sleepy smile appeared on his lips without his notice. Everything felt so good, warm and just ... perfect.
“-'ning” he mumbled, trying to get his mind back from clouds but still thinking of trying to get back to that warm neck.
“Slept well?” the older asked, voice sounding almost normal as he got more awake. Same time those long fingers moved to shift some lone hair that had dropped in front of his eyes. “Mm~” he answers lazily, finally giving up the thoughts of going back to the older man's neck, his face trailing after the fingers, that warmth.
The older man chuckled again, looking at him, who acted like a cat with fondness.
His eyes opened in a flash at the sound, waking him up from the warm bubble. The nervous butterflies came back to his stomach and stiffened his muscles. He felt the older man's finger come to stop on his skin. The awkward tension creeping to the silent bedroom. He forced his eyes closed and breathed slowly through his nose, while counting backwards from 10.
Inhaling or exhaling with each count he slowly forced his muscles to relax. He didn't want to tear apart this closeness they had formed after last night. Not yet, at least. As he finally counted the last numbers he let his body go limp, let it weigh the older man's body under him down to the bed and when he got to zero, he looked up, dropping his chin on the hard chest and grinning softly. He moved his hands closer to his chin and stared down at the older man, hoping that this would break the tension that had appeared after his stupid reflex and stupid mind.
It seemed to work, since the older man did relax and his hand started to move against his head once again.
“You?” he asked, but his question was drowned under the sound that came from the older man's stomach. Laughing lightly, he tapped at the flawless flat stomach, still not understanding how it looked like that even though the older man ate like a dinosaur, and asked “Hungry?”, his eyes gleaming lightly and grin becoming more like an amused smile.
The older man/dinosaur, nodded, his lips twitching to smile. “Great” he beamed and propped up to his elbows, “Now you go and shower yourself clean as I go to make us some breakfast”, he tapped at the older's nose making the older man shut his eyes quickly out of reflex, making him giggle as he finished his sentence with “okay?”.
He saw the smile that flashed on the older's face but didn't have time to say anything as the pout was already there in a second.
“Can't I eat first?” the man under him murmured, still pouting and dear god how is this man possibly 34 years old?
He started to giggle as he once again tapped the childish man's nose. “You would still need to wait cause I haven't made anything and I still need to make it, so why don't you go to shower while I go and make it for you so when you get out, you get to eat?” it felt like he was talking to a kid who didn't like showering and had to be bribed to go shower, which is weird since the old man loves water.
The older man looked like he was thinking really hard, like the decision was about life and death and not about food and shower. After couple minutes, which he spent by humming some song lightly and looking at the older's eyes trying to figure out the other man's thoughts, the older man nodded, his pout getting smaller, “Okay, I'll go shower”.
“Good” he cheered as he got up, the older man closely behind him.
He walked out of his bedroom to his small kitchen after picking up his boxers from the floor as the older man went to shower, determined that he will make the most delicious and perfect pancakes ever this morning. He had already decided their breakfast days before and had put the ingredients ready, so it wouldn't take much of time.
After stirring the batter and clicking the coffee machine on, he started to fry the “a lá Kazu pancakes”, which the older man had named them. He had complained about the name when the older man had munched it out between his bites, but he couldn't disclaim that he didn't like it. He had blushed, being sure that his cheeks would stay red forever, while his heart had danced around in his chest. He didn't know that that such words could make him so happy and mean so much to him.
He woke up from his memories when he was hugged from behind. The strong arms, still warm and damp from the shower secured around his waist. Feeling the water droplets on that firm chest as it got closer to his back. Shuddering when the low breaths were heard right next to his ear.
“Pancakes?” older softly murmured, his chin now resting on his shoulder. He flipped the cooking pancake, glad to see the golden brown color on the other side as he hummed in answer, nodding against the wet hair.
“Blueberries? Ice cream?” the voice getting thicker with the excitement, the older man felt. He could see in his mind the way the older man's eyes got clearer from the clouds, the way they started to shine when they talked about his favorite foods.
“If there is” he murmured with a smile, almost giggling as the older man rushed to the fridge, opening it by force and gasping as he saw all the berries he had bought the day before. The man stared at the sight for a second before darting forward and grasping all the berries to his arms and then bringing them to him, grinning from eye to eye. This time he couldn't stifle his giggle and then his laugh as the man hurled back, opening the freezer and squealing from the sight of vanilla ice cream.
Laughing, he moved the freshly baked pancake to the plate next to him and pouring some of the batter to the hot pan. Shrieking as he felt now the cold fingers tickling on his stomach as the older man got back to him, the ice cream now on the table next to the berries. He fought back, trying to get away from those cold fingers that kept chasing after his skin no matter what he did. After a short fighting moment, he remembered that they were in a kitchen. Pancake on the pan and ready to be flipped.
“Go get yourself dry, you merman” he said shakily with small laugh as he turned back to the pan, trying to calm down, breathing shallowly and wiping the tears away from his eyes. “I don't want you to get sick.” he continued as he finally calmed down, grabbing the spatula and turning the pancake upside down.
“We can eat the pancakes in bed” he smiled, turning to look at the older man, as the man hadn't moved from his spot next to him. The face was fixed on a perfect pout, a pout that he would have loved to kiss away. “Okay?” he asked softly, shifting his eyes from those lips back to his eyes and trying to act like an adult would, since the other didn't seem to want to act like his own age. The shiny brown eyes became softer and warmer before the older man nodded and turned around, walking towards his bedroom.
He finally cooked the last pancakes, setting them on one large plate. After that he put some of the berries and ice cream on small bowls, placing them on a tray. Then he drew out two cups from the cupboard and poured coffee on both of them, adding on one of them some milk. After that he took out two smaller plates and two forks and knifes. As he had set them on the tray too, he placed three pancakes on each two plates. He was ready to go.
His smile though, drifted away just from the thought of what will happen after this morning. He looked at the berries. Being sappy wasn't his thing, he was the person that didn't do any “romantic” stuffs. But since it was today, this morning, he could.
He quickly picked a couple strawberries, snatching the fodders away and cutting them half. Then he arranged them on top of the pancakes, forming a flower looking shape and adding a bit of cream in the middle. Pleased by the results, he picked up the tray and wandered to where the older man was, to his bedroom.
As he walked inside the room, he saw the older man step out from the bathroom, now dry and in fresh underwear and looking like a Greek God.
He smiled to him and got a bit strained smile back as an answer. Did it already start? He thought as he placed the tray on the middle of the bed and sat on the side. The older man came to sit on the other side, looking hungrily at the food on display.
He gave a fork to the hungry old man, before taking one to himself and saying out loud, “Itadakimasu~!”.
He buried the fork on the warm pancakes, cutting a piece of it with knife, but not picking it up as he turned to look at the man next to him. The older man had woken up from his thoughts and was eating so fast like there was no tomorrow.
He wanted to remember this. He wanted to remember how this old man ate the food he made for him. The food, he knew the older man loved. Without almost noticing it, the older man had almost finished when he was brought back to life. He quickly took a bit of the warm pancakes, loving the taste in his mouth even though it was still a bit too sweet for him at this time in the morning, but still he wanted to enjoy the taste, not sure when he was going to taste them again.
As he swallowed the bite and picked up his coffee, he heard the grumble. Stopping dead on his movements, he slowly turned to look at the man next to him, smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. The older man's cheeks were red from embarrassment as he looked down on his now empty plate. With a small chuckle, he poked at the arm close to him and gestured the older man to take his plate.
“You can eat mine” he said softly, not wanting to break the atmosphere they had now. The older man didn't move but his eyes were looking at his plate, before he looked up at him, his face asking if it was okay. Chuckling once again, he nodded and moved the plate closer to the older man.
With a small nod, the man took the plate and continued to eat his share of the pancakes, as he brought the bitter coffee to his lips.
Breakfast eaten and dishes set in dishwasher, they got ready for the day. Well more likely, the older man got ready, he just sat once again in their bed. He didn't have to hurry. He could shower after the older man had left, he could dress after the man had left. He had time for that. Now he just wanted to enjoy the moment and look at the older man as he dressed and got ready for his day, as he got ready to go to his rehearsals.
When it was time for the dancer to go, he followed him to front door, waiting as the man got his shoes on. He stood back up and looked back at him before he magically brought the red rose forward from his back. The baffled expression on the older man's face was enough to bring a real smile on his face.
“Have a nice day” he said quietly, feeling extremely shy suddenly, but he knew that he needed to do this. It was now or never. He moved forward, handing the rose to the older man's hands and kissing him on the lips. A goodbye kiss.
As he stepped back, his cheeks reddish and shy grin plastered on his face, the older man looked at his face, then he looked at the rose and then back at his face before nodding and smiling back at him. Then he turned around to open the door and walked out with a small “Itte kimasu”.
He stayed standing there, looking at the door for 5 minutes, before he finally turned around and walked back to his bedroom. He sat on the unmade bed, still messy after their night.
In the past 24 hours he had watched the older man, his old man, for the last time.
For the last time he got to watch him as he dressed up.
One last time as he left the bed
Left from the house.
One last date.
Yes. It was time for him to be an adult and let him go.
Let him go to that person.
Let him go and have that happiness the older man deserved.
That happiness, he couldn't give to him.
It was his own fault, he knows it, but... it still hurt so damn much, just to let go.
He fell backwards to his back, looking at the ceiling and trying to hold back his tears. The precious memories of their time together flashed in front of his eyes.
It hurt.
And he cried.
-
The dancer exited from the shower room, in the theater, where his next performance was going to be. They had had a hard but successful practice today and he was happy that he was allowed to go home. He was tired, sleepy and hungry. He had given his all and even though the shower had been refreshing, he still couldn't shake off the sleepiness.
He entered the changing room at the same time as the last dancer of their dance groups, aside from him, came out and almost collided with him. Both men took a step back in surprise, before both of them gave a laugh. The slightly taller man straightened himself and made a slight bow as an apology, then side stepped aside to circle around him. As the young man, he believed was this Ikuta something, was going to pass him, both of them inclined their heads and thanked each other and bid goodbye.
When the other man had already walked off, he stepped inside and slid the towel off from his hips when he got to his locker. Drying himself off, wiping up all the last water droplets before he took his clothes and started to dress up. All the while humming a song, that came from the radio on the other side of the room next to the door. Just as he had put on his socks and reached for his shoes, the two radio hosts started to talk and he was startled as he thought he heard a name he knew. Stopping midway to his shoes, he pricked up his ears and listened more carefully to what the hosts were saying.
It was a quite big surprise to hear something so beautiful and heart breaking from a newcomer. But no matter how sad it is, it sticks in your head after just one time hearing it. At least that happened to me, don't know what it did to you though.
Yes! You are right. It really did get stuck in my head after I heard it first time and I really couldn't stop listening to it. It is so beautiful, just to hear him playing that piano and singing his feelings out. It's heart breaking, yes, but still addictive.
But hey, without further parley, we let you hear the new song from the new singer. Here it is from Ninomiya Kazunari, his fresh new single, One Last Time.
The dancer couldn't believe his ears. He hadn't heard anything about a song and even publishing one from the younger man. Not that they have talked much for a while though, he thought. The dancer came fast closer to the radio as the song was about to begin. And then the first note was out.
I was a liar
I gave into the fire
I know I should've fought it
At least I'm being honest
Feel like a failure
Cause I know that I failed you
I should've done you better
Cause you don't want a liar
And I know, and I know, and I know
He gives you everything but baby I couldn't give it to you
And I know, and I know, and I know
That you got everything
But I got nothing here without you
So one last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
One more time
I promise after that, I'll let you go
Baby I don't care if you got him in your heart
All I really care is you wake up in my arms
One last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
I don't deserve it
I know I don't deserve it
But stay with me a minute
I'll swear I'll make it worth it
Can't you forgive me?
At least just temporarily
I know that this is my fault
I should have been more careful
And I know, and I know, and I know
He gives you everything but baby I couldn't give it to you
And I know, and I know, and I know
That you got everything
But I got nothing here without you
So one last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
One more time
I promise after that, I'll let you go
Baby I don't care if you got him in your heart
All I really care is you wake up in my arms
One last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
I know I should've fought it
At least I'm being honest
Just stay with me a minute
I swear I'll make it worth it
Cause I don't want to be without you
So one last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
One more time
I promise after that, I'll let you go
Baby I don't care if you got him in your heart
All I really care is you wake up in my arms
So one last time
I need to be
the one
who takes you home
There it was! Beautiful wasn't it? Please call us or message us about what you thought about this new song so we can know your opinion about it!
Yes! I would definitely want to know! The young man's, Ninomiya-san's single album, where this 'One Last Time' song is going to be in, is to be released tomorrow! Surprisingly without much of notice, this young man has just literally popped out of ash and swiped our legs off from the ground.
The dancer stopped listening to the two speakers and staggered back to his locker, sitting down on the bench in front of it. Breathing shallowly, he tried to relax and come down from the shock.
He knew who that song was dedicated to and he couldn't believe his ears. As his mind got back from the clouds, enough to move, he lunged to his bag and tried to find his phone. He didn't really remember where he put it, but his one hand stopped at the beautiful rose he had gotten from the young man that morning and the other at the side pocket with small zipper on, ready to be opened. He opened the small zipper cautiously and found a CD case inside of it. He picked both of them up from the bag and brought them in front of him, so he could look at them better.
The rose was still beautiful, a single red colored rose without thorns. The CD cover had a picture of two hands, holding each other. As he flipped it to see the back of the cover, there the two hands were separated but still close to each other. It gave the feeling of loneliness, as if one of the hands still tried to take a hold of the other but the other was already giving up. Turning it back around so he could see the front, he placed the rose on the bench next to him carefully, and opened the CD case.
Inside the case he found a small letter and a photo of the questioned man's back, looking somewhere far away with a signature on the bottom right of the pic.
He took the letter and carefully put it next to the rose. He let his fingers touch the photos. Delicately turning every page, as if it would break down in any second and lingering on every photo longer than the one before, until he finally decided to read the letter.
A nervous feeling bottled in his stomach as he reached for the letter and looked at it. He wasn't sure if he was ready to know what was written inside of it.
Taking a deep breath, trying to gather his courage and knit himself together, before exhaling as he opened the letter with slightly shaking hands.
Dear Satoshi
When you get to read this letter, you will be away from me.
I don't know if you have already figured out why you have a letter from me. But it doesn't matter. I wanted you to know about these feelings, these thoughts that have been rolling around in my head for a while. And since I'm a big coward, I never got to say them out loud, so I thought I would write them down. So here we go.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for bothering you these past years. I know I'm a brat and I say words that might hurt others. I know I've hurt you many times with my actions. No matter how much you would deny it. I've seen it.
I'm sorry that it took all these precious years to understand that I was taking away your happiness. Instead of happiness, I had just kept bringing you to the darkness with me.
I'm sorry for not showing you how much you mean to me. Not listening to you when you wanted to tell me something interesting or important, not giving hugs or comforting you when you felt sad and... never telling you 'I Love You' when you would have needed to know.
I'm sorry for never giving back any of those warm gestures you did for me.
I'm sorry for realising so late how precious you are to me.
I'm sorry for realising so late what kind of bastard I am. A man, who eats your dreams. A man, you shouldn't be with.
All I ever brought to you was sadness, anger and the hope you felt for us... it must have gone somewhere behind those years.
I did make you smile and I always loved to see that smile.
I did make you laugh and I always loved to hear that laugh.
I did make you horny and I never got enough of it.
I did make you breathless, with kisses and other actions and I never disliked them.
I did make you make love to me (as you always said that it wasn't sex, it was love making) and never ever did I feel unloved by you.
And I did make you love me, and I always loved you.
At least I hope you did, at least I hope you were happy at those times. Since I was. I might never have told you these things but I was, I was really happy to have you by my side.
But now, it's finally time for me to let you go and have that happiness you actually deserve.
I know about that person.
That person who works at News Zero.
He did at least call me.
And what I've seen of you, you looked happy with him. The smile you had when you were with him, was genuine and bright. A smile I haven't seen for a while when you've been with me.
Don't be so surprised to know that I have followed you two. I just wanted to know which was better for you.
He paid for your food when you were at the restaurant. One thing I don't usually do with you.
He made you laugh so loud that I was so surprised to hear it after to so long.
He kept you warm, when you looked like you were going to freeze.
He didn't let you get bored.
He seems to take good care of you.
He seems to be a man who can show you how much he loves you.
He seems to be a great man. A man that actually can make you happy.
So
As an adult, not the one that acts like a brat, a little bitch, but the one that is responsible and considerate, I will let you go.
I made a deal with him two days ago, that I will take care of you one more day. That I will take care of you for the one last time.
And for the one last time, I got to take you home.
I'm sorry for taking you for granted.
Be happy with him.
I Love You
- Kazunari
p.s. I don't know if you've already heard any of the songs, but the CD... well you've probably already figured out but it's my new single. I wanted you to have it.
A shaky breath could be heard around the dressing room as the letter dropped soundlessly to the floor.
note3: It wasn't something amazing, but i hope you liked it :) Comments would be great!! would make me happy at least ;D
also, this was suppossed to be ready on Nino's bday buut.......... it wasn't so let me still say this, Happy Birthday Nino~!!
Pairing: Ohmiya
Raiting/Genre: R, angst.. romance
Disclaimer: I don't own these guys nor the songs
Summary: He wanted him to stay, but he had to let him go. He only had this one last time to have him for himself.
note: i just got bit addicted to the song and then my imagination did the rest..
when you're reading this, i hope you would listen the songs, at the same time :) this song would be when nino is going to start play the piano song. And when the song comes you can listen the original song same time as the you read the lyrics. if you want to hear the song with male voice, here is one.
note2: Thank you for my betas: inaudible_d and thoroughlynerdy! seriously, i would have abandoned this fic already, but thanks to your amazing help, it's finally done! also, i apolozige for being damn stupid in these things.... sorry!
He looked at the man who was dressing up. The man, who was three years older than him, was trying to button his shirt on, while he sat on the bed looking at him. The sight was something someone would pay for, the older man was so beautiful in a clear white shirt and straight black pants. He could easily be a model.
You could easily see the muscles through the shirt as the man turned his back to him, to look at himself from the mirror. The graceful steps that the man took gave away the hundreds of lessons of dance up till now.
He stood up as the older man tried to tie his tie, for the second time. He came behind the slightly shorter, but older, man and found the perfect spot for his chin to rest on the shoulder as his hands crawled their way around the other man's waist and settled on his stomach. He could feel the way the other man tensed for a second before continuing slowly. As the man tried again, he watched those beautiful artistic graceful hands that were longer and thinner than his. He has always loved them. They were so beautiful, warm and just perfect against his own.
As the man's latest attempt to tie the tie failed, he moved his hands to take it in his hands. As he was about to touch the fabric, their hands touched. He tried not to flinch at the way the older man moved his hands away fast, so he could finish the job.
He slowly tied the tie, enjoying the feeling of closeness and to be able to help the other. He was basking in the feeling, wanting to remember it for the rest of his life.
As they, well actually the older man, had gotten ready, they left from the apartment and walked in silence to the garage. When he finally started the car the music filled the silence, creating much calmer atmosphere inside the small space.
The drive took fifteen minutes from the apartment, until they were in front of the restaurant. The one where he had made a reservation for a table.
He parked the car and they walked once again in silence to the restaurant, this time there was a small sense of curiosity flying in the air.
It was a beautiful restaurant. It wasn't one of the hyper expensive one, but still slightly better than a normal family restaurant. The questioned restaurant had become quite popular in the past 3 months and it was really hard nowadays to get a table in a two weeks' timetable. Though he had gotten the table through contacts since his friend was working there.
And that the exact friend had managed to let him get a part time job from the same restaurant. Not that the matter of being the restaurant owner's boyfriend meant something on that decisions or anything.
But he had gotten the table. Just for the two of them, for this night.
It was a date.
A long-waited date.
They were led to a quiet corner where they could see the entire hall. Most of the tables were already full of people, making the quiet words and sounds of eating ring silently around the room. Their table was simply decorated but still looked nice. The full cutlery was on the table, forks, knives and spoons. To bring some color, there was one beautiful lavender-colored rose, which was situated in the middle of the table. The fully bloomed rose was something he had asked for beforehand.
They ordered some food as starters with a small glass of white wine for both of them. As they waited for their food, the silence was there again, but this time it was the normal silence. The quiet time, where both of them felt comfortable. The very quiet music could be heard under the conversations. It was a gentle classic music piece.
As they got their first course, more people came in to the restaurant.
He looked as the older man took the first bite of the food. He wanted to know if he liked the food, well he was sure he would like it since the man loved almost everything but there was that one kind of spark in his eyes when he thought the food was really delicious. After a couple bites, the man jerked his head up. His eyes were bright and round, his face showing the surprise. The man continued to eat the food with fast bites until he swallowed. The pure surprise and delight shone from his eyes as he looked at the food, before he heard the delightful shocked whisper, “umai”.
It was enough to convince him that he had made the right decision to bring them here and was able to start eating his own food. After his first bite, even he, who was really picky of his food, could tell that it was delicious. Even the wine went perfectly with the food. It wasn't a surprise that the restaurant was full of people eating, since the food was this good. It made him bit sad that he had never eaten the food before even though it had been offered couple of times after his work.
The two of them were eating in a hungry silence, both of them weren't able to break the silence since it needed the act of not eating and making words. Once the food was finished and the waitress had taken their plates with the orders of the main course, the silence started to weigh heavily around them.
The murmurs of the people around them were still there but the gentle music had stopped. He could see the older man start to fidget on the other side of the table, which brought small nervous waves for his lower stomach. With a hard gulp he looked up to those beautiful brown eyes he loved since he first time he saw them and he opened his mouth.
“Would you like to hear me play something with that piano over there?”
He could feel the nervous sweat starting to form a bead in his back and on his hairline. He knows that the older man loves it when he plays the piano. He always listened to him when he played at his home and sometimes even asked him to play for him. Since... he wasn't sure if the man wanted to hear it anymore, the soft question was both a surprise and a relief.
“Is it okay?”
“Yes” he answered with a sigh, a small smile growing to his face as he looked back to that chubby face, which wasn't that chubby anymore. He knew that the older man had problems with his confidence in looks, but to him, he has always looked so handsome and beautiful. “Yes, it's okay” he said more confidently, “I sometimes play the piano here, as a part timer”, he explained.
“So... would you? I mean would you like me to play?” he asked again, needing to ensure the answer he thought he already got.
“Yes, it would be nice” with a quiet musical voice the older man answered, a smile twitching on the corner of those rose colored lips.
With a nod, he rose up from his chair and walked to a small platform where the piano had been situated. As he took a step on it, the voices around him seemed to quiet down and some curious looks were sent to him. Three more steps and he was standing right next to the bench.
With a deep breath, he took a seat. The noises had flown from his head, leaving him in silence. He raised the keyboard cover and stared at the white keys that were revealed. The piano keys were already familiar to him and he knew what he wanted to play. The melody was already on his mind. But even though the situation was something he had wanted for a while, it was also something he was afraid of. He took a deep breath and fit his fingers to the keys.
And started to play.
The notes flowed out loudly, ringing around the quiet hall sweetly. Every person that was present at the hall had stopped moving and was just staring at him, who was clearly in his own world. The song was beautiful but still you can feel the sadness flowing out from it. From closer you could see his mouth moving. As if he was singing with the melody. Words that were not heard.
As the song was coming to an end, the small tears that he had tried to keep away came forward and stained his cheeks. On the last notes he whispered brokenly, ” - who takes you home”, and the piano sound slowly died down.
It was dead quiet for a second before a loud clapping broke out, and people stood up from their seats. He breathed shakily before he quickly wiped away the tears and stood up, bowing and thanking the audience for listening to his playing. He then closed the cover and walked back to their table, with still shaky legs. He sighed deeply as he finally got to sit down on his seat.
Breathing slowly a couple of times, he finally had the courage to look up at the man, the man who was the reason for everything. The smile that was presented to him was so beautiful. It was so bright and lovely that he hoped he could take a picture of it and save it, so he could always look at it when he felt down. It was enough to stop the tremble and make him relaxed, enough to make him smile with a shy wide smile.
”It was beautiful” the older man said, his voice strong and loud. There wasn't even a hint of a lie in his words and his eyes, the man's eyes that were so clear and shiny with warmth and pride, was enough to prove that.
”Thank you” he thanked with feeling. He was so thankful and happy that the person who's so important to him and the person whose opinion mattered the most, liked the song.
Both of them smiled at each other, the earlier tension totally forgotten. The eye contact was broken apart by a waiter who brought their next course of food. With smile, they thanked the waiter and dug in to the tasty looking meal, his tummy growling just by the smell of it.
As the food was eaten and the beautiful desserts too, this time though with small chit chat, it was time to pay. The song seemed to be the important piece to break down the last walls of nervousness, which prevented them from talking.
When the bill was brought to table, the older man was already searching for his wallet when he gave his bank card to the waitress. It was unusual, that's true, since the older man was the one who usually paid for their meals. It was known that he was the cheapskate. But this was their date, one that he had arranged for them.
They left the restaurant, walking to his car with smiles and talking about the new dance the older man was practicing at the moment. Their conversation continued without problems, even throughout the drive, until he parked the car on his spot and shut the engine.
They were left in a silence as the noises from the engine finally quieted down. Both of them were looking at the tall building, thinking about what was going to happen next.
He was the first one to break out of it, by unbuckling the seat belt, opening his door and stepping out of the car. Then he moved to other side and opened the door, just as the older man was reaching for the handle. With a small thanks, the older man got out and stood next to him as he shut and locked the door.
When they started to walk forward, he slowly moved his hand to brush against the older man's. And then tried to hide the butterflies that flew around his stomach just from the touch. He didn't want to force the older man do these things, no, he wanted for the older one to have the chance to decide what he wanted to do. So when he felt a touch of those lovely fingers against his, he couldn't keep the gasp of surprise inside his mouth and the blush that crept to his cheeks when that warm hand closed around his, their fingers tied to each other. They made their journey back to that apartment in silence.
Once they got inside and the door closed behind him. He looked at the older man, who took his shoes off and was putting them on the shoe shelf on his left side. He wanted to ask something but was afraid of the answer he could get. As the man rose up and turned to look at him, seemingly questioning if he was going to take off his shoes, he blurted out the question bluntly.
”Can I kiss you?”
His hands flew to close his mouth right after. His eyes were as wide as they could be opened, looking at the shocked face of the older man and hoping for the best of him that he just didn't kill their night with his stupidity.
As seconds went by, his fear took over his mind.
Until he felt a palm against his hand. He opened his eyes, which he didn't remember closing and stared at the beautiful man right in front of him. He's not sure if the man could see the fear in his eyes, but the way the older man tugged him closer was enough to shoot that fear down, even just a little bit. And when he felt that breath against his face, the main and most important thoughts flew away from his head. His little mind got ahead of itself.
And when the low breathy ”Yes” was said, even the last fragments of thoughts flew away, leaving him to think with that 'not so clever mind'. Which of course resulted by him going forward and kissing the air out of the love of his life. When they broke apart from the kiss, he somehow managed to kick his shoes away and then stepped closer to the older man, his free hand moving up to the little hairs on back of the man's head and bringing their mouths back together in a feverish kiss.
The kisses didn't just end with those two, but continued and when they finally had to draw back enough to realise that they had somehow walked themselves to his bedroom, shirts already half open. Breathing heavily, he felt that the older man was taking a step back, a step away from him. He took a step forward, not letting the man go away and squeezing that hand that was still somehow holding onto his own. He blinked hurriedly, trying to clear his mind from the fuzzy feeling and look at the other man's eyes.
“Please” he breathed shakily, the voice dripping with want and despair.
“Please, make love to me” he continued, whispering his wish against those already puffed lips from their earlier kisses and making the older man shiver. He was shaking with the feeling of despair and lust. Needing to feel that body against his, needing to feel that hot skin against his. Once again he moved his left hand, his right still gripping at the older man's tightly, to one of those chubby cheeks. He could feel the tears again but he didn't care. He needed this, no matter how much it was going to hurt but he needed this. His body and heart needed this.
“Oh-chan” he pleaded brokenly, the first teardrops slipping from his eyes.
“Plea-“ his pleading was stopped by hungry lips that were sealed against his own. The older man's hand was brought to his chest and from there it moved to his back, removing the shirt and revealing his skin. As the shirt was removed, the air hit the hot skin coldly, making him shiver and a moan rip out of his throat. The moan seemed to click something on the older man's head as he soon found himself naked and pushed to the bed, while the older man yanked his clothes away as fast as he could.
As soon as the older man got out of his clothes, he was on top of him, kissing him and making him forget the whole world around them.
They made love slowly. Every touch felt hot against the other's skin. Their hands were moving against each other's body, trying to find every sensitive spot, every blemish the other might have and save it to the memory. Every move was made firmly but still with so much care and so gently that his heart was going to burst from all the feelings he could feel from the older man.
They were learning and memorizing each other's bodies. Nothing could have been any better and it made the moment perfect.
After minutes of stretching the moment, both quickened their pace. The need to come was too intense that even if they did not want it to end soon, they couldn't hold it anymore. Moans and whimpers filled the room with shouted and muffled names. With last thrusts, he came crying out loud the older's name, spurting his come up and staining their sweaty stomachs. The older man coming right after, his load filling his inside.
The older man shuddered on top of him, the after effects of their amazing orgasm, before he slumped on top of him. The slimy come spreading and sticking them together, before both of them fell to sleep.
He woke up, feeling fully rested, warm and secured. His head was resting on a muscular arm, inches away from the older's face. That beautiful face was just inches away from his. He could feel the man's breath against his lips, he could almost taste it. It was a beautiful moment, one that he didn't want to break. He had always loved these kinds of moments and they were rare since he was usually the one who woke up last. He stared at the face for minutes before slowly pulling away, being careful not to wake up the older man.
He had already planned beforehand what to do, he already knew what he needed to do, but it still felt terrible and the ache, he knew he will get to know for years after this morning, was almost touching his heart already.
He pushed the pain away, sat up, jolting when he felt something move inside of him. As the thing continued to move, he started to figure out where the feeling was coming from until he remembered what the “thing” actually was. Blushing very brightly, he tensed his butt muscles to try to keep that seed inside of him even bit longer and reached out to his nightstand. With small effort, he opened the drawer and took out small amount of paper and a pen. Just as he was about to get closer to the table, the man behind him, sighed and crawled closer, his hands reaching around his stomach and hugging him tightly.
The pain came back with full force, choking him with the tears that came forward. He turned to look back, catching as the gentle sleepy face formed a small smile to those perfect lips on the older man's face. He fought against the tears, he really did, but they still managed to slip down to his cheeks. Quickly wiping them away, he snatched his camera, which surprisingly was at the drawer too and snatched couple photos of the sleepy face. As fast he took the camera out, he put it back and started his letter to the older man, like he was supposed to do right from the start.
When he finished the letter, he folded it nicely and took out the lonely CD case from inside the drawer. Staring at the cover for some time, he opened it and wrote his name inside. Once that was done, he inserted the folded letter inside case and closed it. Closing his eyes and breathing slowly for couple of times, just to try to lessen the shaking he felt, and then he stood carefully up. Ears sharp for every noise the older man behind him could let out as he stepped away from the bed, forward to those piles of clothes that weren't that far away from the bed.
Two steps and he was standing next to the clothes that looked more like the older man's than his. He searched for the bag he knew was there. The older man had it almost always with him. At least when he went to practices or for a show. And there it was. Under the pile of shirt, tie and boxers.
Quickly looking back to the bed, he squatted down and placed the CD inside a pocket. Giving it a last glance, he zipped the small zipper and stood up. He knew that the older man wouldn't check it out right away, but only when he was looking for something. Before he got second thoughts, he set the clothes back on top of it and hurriedly walked back to the bed and under that blanket, to that promised warmth.
When he was just settling to lay down, the older man grabbed a hold his hips and tug him back to the hug, where he had been in once before in that morning. Smiling sadly, he let his fingers trail that fine jaw, not wanting to let go of this moment.
Deciding on the sudden urge, he stretched his free left arm back to that nightstand and grasped a hold of that camera he had used little while ago. Slowly he brought the camera closer and snapped it open. Bringing his right hand up, he focused the lens on the older man's face. Taking couple photos of the older man's drooling face, he moved his hand to wipe that drool away with a fond smile before he directed the lens closer to those red puffy lips and taking couple shots more. Looking back from the camera's screen back to the older man's face, just to check if the man was still dead to the world, he stretched his hand up, right on top of their heads, while his heart beat furiously. He scooted even closer to the man than before and closed his eyes. His right hand's fingers touching that chin again. Breathing slowly and relaxing, he clicked at the button and took two shots of them.
Not wanting to risk of getting caught at taking photos without permission, even though the older man was a heavy sleeper, he shoved the camera back to the drawer, closing it with a same sweep and bringing the hand against his chest as fast as he could. He stayed still for a while, letting his heart calm down and his breathing steady, before he snuggled closer, as close he could go. The older man's hands closed around him tightly, making him feel safe and warm. And before he knew it, he drifted back to sleep.
The second time he woke up, he felt something move on his back. The touch was feather light, so light that it made his skin get goosebumps. Moaning sleepily, he wormed closer to the older man's neck, his nose nuzzling at the skin there before sighing happily and settling down back to that light sleep. Not hearing the light chuckle that the older man let out from his reaction.
The older man hugged him tightly, kissing that messy bed hair, before shifting him higher and making butterfly kisses all around his face. Acting bratty once again, he grunted under the touch, but soon started to giggle.
He slowly opened his eyes and stared straight to the older man's warm eyes. Those eyes, he loved them so much, and he was just basking to the feeling of getting the older man's full attention right in the morning.
They stared at each other in silence for some time, neither wanting to move first. After three minutes a small smile grew to the older man's handsome baby face.
“Good morning sleepyhead” the man whispered, warm and raspy, while tightening his hands around him. A slow sleepy smile appeared on his lips without his notice. Everything felt so good, warm and just ... perfect.
“-'ning” he mumbled, trying to get his mind back from clouds but still thinking of trying to get back to that warm neck.
“Slept well?” the older asked, voice sounding almost normal as he got more awake. Same time those long fingers moved to shift some lone hair that had dropped in front of his eyes. “Mm~” he answers lazily, finally giving up the thoughts of going back to the older man's neck, his face trailing after the fingers, that warmth.
The older man chuckled again, looking at him, who acted like a cat with fondness.
His eyes opened in a flash at the sound, waking him up from the warm bubble. The nervous butterflies came back to his stomach and stiffened his muscles. He felt the older man's finger come to stop on his skin. The awkward tension creeping to the silent bedroom. He forced his eyes closed and breathed slowly through his nose, while counting backwards from 10.
Inhaling or exhaling with each count he slowly forced his muscles to relax. He didn't want to tear apart this closeness they had formed after last night. Not yet, at least. As he finally counted the last numbers he let his body go limp, let it weigh the older man's body under him down to the bed and when he got to zero, he looked up, dropping his chin on the hard chest and grinning softly. He moved his hands closer to his chin and stared down at the older man, hoping that this would break the tension that had appeared after his stupid reflex and stupid mind.
It seemed to work, since the older man did relax and his hand started to move against his head once again.
“You?” he asked, but his question was drowned under the sound that came from the older man's stomach. Laughing lightly, he tapped at the flawless flat stomach, still not understanding how it looked like that even though the older man ate like a dinosaur, and asked “Hungry?”, his eyes gleaming lightly and grin becoming more like an amused smile.
The older man/dinosaur, nodded, his lips twitching to smile. “Great” he beamed and propped up to his elbows, “Now you go and shower yourself clean as I go to make us some breakfast”, he tapped at the older's nose making the older man shut his eyes quickly out of reflex, making him giggle as he finished his sentence with “okay?”.
He saw the smile that flashed on the older's face but didn't have time to say anything as the pout was already there in a second.
“Can't I eat first?” the man under him murmured, still pouting and dear god how is this man possibly 34 years old?
He started to giggle as he once again tapped the childish man's nose. “You would still need to wait cause I haven't made anything and I still need to make it, so why don't you go to shower while I go and make it for you so when you get out, you get to eat?” it felt like he was talking to a kid who didn't like showering and had to be bribed to go shower, which is weird since the old man loves water.
The older man looked like he was thinking really hard, like the decision was about life and death and not about food and shower. After couple minutes, which he spent by humming some song lightly and looking at the older's eyes trying to figure out the other man's thoughts, the older man nodded, his pout getting smaller, “Okay, I'll go shower”.
“Good” he cheered as he got up, the older man closely behind him.
He walked out of his bedroom to his small kitchen after picking up his boxers from the floor as the older man went to shower, determined that he will make the most delicious and perfect pancakes ever this morning. He had already decided their breakfast days before and had put the ingredients ready, so it wouldn't take much of time.
After stirring the batter and clicking the coffee machine on, he started to fry the “a lá Kazu pancakes”, which the older man had named them. He had complained about the name when the older man had munched it out between his bites, but he couldn't disclaim that he didn't like it. He had blushed, being sure that his cheeks would stay red forever, while his heart had danced around in his chest. He didn't know that that such words could make him so happy and mean so much to him.
He woke up from his memories when he was hugged from behind. The strong arms, still warm and damp from the shower secured around his waist. Feeling the water droplets on that firm chest as it got closer to his back. Shuddering when the low breaths were heard right next to his ear.
“Pancakes?” older softly murmured, his chin now resting on his shoulder. He flipped the cooking pancake, glad to see the golden brown color on the other side as he hummed in answer, nodding against the wet hair.
“Blueberries? Ice cream?” the voice getting thicker with the excitement, the older man felt. He could see in his mind the way the older man's eyes got clearer from the clouds, the way they started to shine when they talked about his favorite foods.
“If there is” he murmured with a smile, almost giggling as the older man rushed to the fridge, opening it by force and gasping as he saw all the berries he had bought the day before. The man stared at the sight for a second before darting forward and grasping all the berries to his arms and then bringing them to him, grinning from eye to eye. This time he couldn't stifle his giggle and then his laugh as the man hurled back, opening the freezer and squealing from the sight of vanilla ice cream.
Laughing, he moved the freshly baked pancake to the plate next to him and pouring some of the batter to the hot pan. Shrieking as he felt now the cold fingers tickling on his stomach as the older man got back to him, the ice cream now on the table next to the berries. He fought back, trying to get away from those cold fingers that kept chasing after his skin no matter what he did. After a short fighting moment, he remembered that they were in a kitchen. Pancake on the pan and ready to be flipped.
“Go get yourself dry, you merman” he said shakily with small laugh as he turned back to the pan, trying to calm down, breathing shallowly and wiping the tears away from his eyes. “I don't want you to get sick.” he continued as he finally calmed down, grabbing the spatula and turning the pancake upside down.
“We can eat the pancakes in bed” he smiled, turning to look at the older man, as the man hadn't moved from his spot next to him. The face was fixed on a perfect pout, a pout that he would have loved to kiss away. “Okay?” he asked softly, shifting his eyes from those lips back to his eyes and trying to act like an adult would, since the other didn't seem to want to act like his own age. The shiny brown eyes became softer and warmer before the older man nodded and turned around, walking towards his bedroom.
He finally cooked the last pancakes, setting them on one large plate. After that he put some of the berries and ice cream on small bowls, placing them on a tray. Then he drew out two cups from the cupboard and poured coffee on both of them, adding on one of them some milk. After that he took out two smaller plates and two forks and knifes. As he had set them on the tray too, he placed three pancakes on each two plates. He was ready to go.
His smile though, drifted away just from the thought of what will happen after this morning. He looked at the berries. Being sappy wasn't his thing, he was the person that didn't do any “romantic” stuffs. But since it was today, this morning, he could.
He quickly picked a couple strawberries, snatching the fodders away and cutting them half. Then he arranged them on top of the pancakes, forming a flower looking shape and adding a bit of cream in the middle. Pleased by the results, he picked up the tray and wandered to where the older man was, to his bedroom.
As he walked inside the room, he saw the older man step out from the bathroom, now dry and in fresh underwear and looking like a Greek God.
He smiled to him and got a bit strained smile back as an answer. Did it already start? He thought as he placed the tray on the middle of the bed and sat on the side. The older man came to sit on the other side, looking hungrily at the food on display.
He gave a fork to the hungry old man, before taking one to himself and saying out loud, “Itadakimasu~!”.
He buried the fork on the warm pancakes, cutting a piece of it with knife, but not picking it up as he turned to look at the man next to him. The older man had woken up from his thoughts and was eating so fast like there was no tomorrow.
He wanted to remember this. He wanted to remember how this old man ate the food he made for him. The food, he knew the older man loved. Without almost noticing it, the older man had almost finished when he was brought back to life. He quickly took a bit of the warm pancakes, loving the taste in his mouth even though it was still a bit too sweet for him at this time in the morning, but still he wanted to enjoy the taste, not sure when he was going to taste them again.
As he swallowed the bite and picked up his coffee, he heard the grumble. Stopping dead on his movements, he slowly turned to look at the man next to him, smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. The older man's cheeks were red from embarrassment as he looked down on his now empty plate. With a small chuckle, he poked at the arm close to him and gestured the older man to take his plate.
“You can eat mine” he said softly, not wanting to break the atmosphere they had now. The older man didn't move but his eyes were looking at his plate, before he looked up at him, his face asking if it was okay. Chuckling once again, he nodded and moved the plate closer to the older man.
With a small nod, the man took the plate and continued to eat his share of the pancakes, as he brought the bitter coffee to his lips.
Breakfast eaten and dishes set in dishwasher, they got ready for the day. Well more likely, the older man got ready, he just sat once again in their bed. He didn't have to hurry. He could shower after the older man had left, he could dress after the man had left. He had time for that. Now he just wanted to enjoy the moment and look at the older man as he dressed and got ready for his day, as he got ready to go to his rehearsals.
When it was time for the dancer to go, he followed him to front door, waiting as the man got his shoes on. He stood back up and looked back at him before he magically brought the red rose forward from his back. The baffled expression on the older man's face was enough to bring a real smile on his face.
“Have a nice day” he said quietly, feeling extremely shy suddenly, but he knew that he needed to do this. It was now or never. He moved forward, handing the rose to the older man's hands and kissing him on the lips. A goodbye kiss.
As he stepped back, his cheeks reddish and shy grin plastered on his face, the older man looked at his face, then he looked at the rose and then back at his face before nodding and smiling back at him. Then he turned around to open the door and walked out with a small “Itte kimasu”.
He stayed standing there, looking at the door for 5 minutes, before he finally turned around and walked back to his bedroom. He sat on the unmade bed, still messy after their night.
In the past 24 hours he had watched the older man, his old man, for the last time.
For the last time he got to watch him as he dressed up.
One last time as he left the bed
Left from the house.
One last date.
Yes. It was time for him to be an adult and let him go.
Let him go to that person.
Let him go and have that happiness the older man deserved.
That happiness, he couldn't give to him.
It was his own fault, he knows it, but... it still hurt so damn much, just to let go.
He fell backwards to his back, looking at the ceiling and trying to hold back his tears. The precious memories of their time together flashed in front of his eyes.
It hurt.
And he cried.
-
The dancer exited from the shower room, in the theater, where his next performance was going to be. They had had a hard but successful practice today and he was happy that he was allowed to go home. He was tired, sleepy and hungry. He had given his all and even though the shower had been refreshing, he still couldn't shake off the sleepiness.
He entered the changing room at the same time as the last dancer of their dance groups, aside from him, came out and almost collided with him. Both men took a step back in surprise, before both of them gave a laugh. The slightly taller man straightened himself and made a slight bow as an apology, then side stepped aside to circle around him. As the young man, he believed was this Ikuta something, was going to pass him, both of them inclined their heads and thanked each other and bid goodbye.
When the other man had already walked off, he stepped inside and slid the towel off from his hips when he got to his locker. Drying himself off, wiping up all the last water droplets before he took his clothes and started to dress up. All the while humming a song, that came from the radio on the other side of the room next to the door. Just as he had put on his socks and reached for his shoes, the two radio hosts started to talk and he was startled as he thought he heard a name he knew. Stopping midway to his shoes, he pricked up his ears and listened more carefully to what the hosts were saying.
It was a quite big surprise to hear something so beautiful and heart breaking from a newcomer. But no matter how sad it is, it sticks in your head after just one time hearing it. At least that happened to me, don't know what it did to you though.
Yes! You are right. It really did get stuck in my head after I heard it first time and I really couldn't stop listening to it. It is so beautiful, just to hear him playing that piano and singing his feelings out. It's heart breaking, yes, but still addictive.
But hey, without further parley, we let you hear the new song from the new singer. Here it is from Ninomiya Kazunari, his fresh new single, One Last Time.
The dancer couldn't believe his ears. He hadn't heard anything about a song and even publishing one from the younger man. Not that they have talked much for a while though, he thought. The dancer came fast closer to the radio as the song was about to begin. And then the first note was out.
I was a liar
I gave into the fire
I know I should've fought it
At least I'm being honest
Feel like a failure
Cause I know that I failed you
I should've done you better
Cause you don't want a liar
And I know, and I know, and I know
He gives you everything but baby I couldn't give it to you
And I know, and I know, and I know
That you got everything
But I got nothing here without you
So one last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
One more time
I promise after that, I'll let you go
Baby I don't care if you got him in your heart
All I really care is you wake up in my arms
One last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
I don't deserve it
I know I don't deserve it
But stay with me a minute
I'll swear I'll make it worth it
Can't you forgive me?
At least just temporarily
I know that this is my fault
I should have been more careful
And I know, and I know, and I know
He gives you everything but baby I couldn't give it to you
And I know, and I know, and I know
That you got everything
But I got nothing here without you
So one last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
One more time
I promise after that, I'll let you go
Baby I don't care if you got him in your heart
All I really care is you wake up in my arms
One last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
I know I should've fought it
At least I'm being honest
Just stay with me a minute
I swear I'll make it worth it
Cause I don't want to be without you
So one last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
One more time
I promise after that, I'll let you go
Baby I don't care if you got him in your heart
All I really care is you wake up in my arms
So one last time
I need to be
the one
who takes you home
There it was! Beautiful wasn't it? Please call us or message us about what you thought about this new song so we can know your opinion about it!
Yes! I would definitely want to know! The young man's, Ninomiya-san's single album, where this 'One Last Time' song is going to be in, is to be released tomorrow! Surprisingly without much of notice, this young man has just literally popped out of ash and swiped our legs off from the ground.
The dancer stopped listening to the two speakers and staggered back to his locker, sitting down on the bench in front of it. Breathing shallowly, he tried to relax and come down from the shock.
He knew who that song was dedicated to and he couldn't believe his ears. As his mind got back from the clouds, enough to move, he lunged to his bag and tried to find his phone. He didn't really remember where he put it, but his one hand stopped at the beautiful rose he had gotten from the young man that morning and the other at the side pocket with small zipper on, ready to be opened. He opened the small zipper cautiously and found a CD case inside of it. He picked both of them up from the bag and brought them in front of him, so he could look at them better.
The rose was still beautiful, a single red colored rose without thorns. The CD cover had a picture of two hands, holding each other. As he flipped it to see the back of the cover, there the two hands were separated but still close to each other. It gave the feeling of loneliness, as if one of the hands still tried to take a hold of the other but the other was already giving up. Turning it back around so he could see the front, he placed the rose on the bench next to him carefully, and opened the CD case.
Inside the case he found a small letter and a photo of the questioned man's back, looking somewhere far away with a signature on the bottom right of the pic.
He took the letter and carefully put it next to the rose. He let his fingers touch the photos. Delicately turning every page, as if it would break down in any second and lingering on every photo longer than the one before, until he finally decided to read the letter.
A nervous feeling bottled in his stomach as he reached for the letter and looked at it. He wasn't sure if he was ready to know what was written inside of it.
Taking a deep breath, trying to gather his courage and knit himself together, before exhaling as he opened the letter with slightly shaking hands.
Dear Satoshi
When you get to read this letter, you will be away from me.
I don't know if you have already figured out why you have a letter from me. But it doesn't matter. I wanted you to know about these feelings, these thoughts that have been rolling around in my head for a while. And since I'm a big coward, I never got to say them out loud, so I thought I would write them down. So here we go.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for bothering you these past years. I know I'm a brat and I say words that might hurt others. I know I've hurt you many times with my actions. No matter how much you would deny it. I've seen it.
I'm sorry that it took all these precious years to understand that I was taking away your happiness. Instead of happiness, I had just kept bringing you to the darkness with me.
I'm sorry for not showing you how much you mean to me. Not listening to you when you wanted to tell me something interesting or important, not giving hugs or comforting you when you felt sad and... never telling you 'I Love You' when you would have needed to know.
I'm sorry for never giving back any of those warm gestures you did for me.
I'm sorry for realising so late how precious you are to me.
I'm sorry for realising so late what kind of bastard I am. A man, who eats your dreams. A man, you shouldn't be with.
All I ever brought to you was sadness, anger and the hope you felt for us... it must have gone somewhere behind those years.
I did make you smile and I always loved to see that smile.
I did make you laugh and I always loved to hear that laugh.
I did make you horny and I never got enough of it.
I did make you breathless, with kisses and other actions and I never disliked them.
I did make you make love to me (as you always said that it wasn't sex, it was love making) and never ever did I feel unloved by you.
And I did make you love me, and I always loved you.
At least I hope you did, at least I hope you were happy at those times. Since I was. I might never have told you these things but I was, I was really happy to have you by my side.
But now, it's finally time for me to let you go and have that happiness you actually deserve.
I know about that person.
That person who works at News Zero.
He did at least call me.
And what I've seen of you, you looked happy with him. The smile you had when you were with him, was genuine and bright. A smile I haven't seen for a while when you've been with me.
Don't be so surprised to know that I have followed you two. I just wanted to know which was better for you.
He paid for your food when you were at the restaurant. One thing I don't usually do with you.
He made you laugh so loud that I was so surprised to hear it after to so long.
He kept you warm, when you looked like you were going to freeze.
He didn't let you get bored.
He seems to take good care of you.
He seems to be a man who can show you how much he loves you.
He seems to be a great man. A man that actually can make you happy.
So
As an adult, not the one that acts like a brat, a little bitch, but the one that is responsible and considerate, I will let you go.
I made a deal with him two days ago, that I will take care of you one more day. That I will take care of you for the one last time.
And for the one last time, I got to take you home.
I'm sorry for taking you for granted.
Be happy with him.
I Love You
- Kazunari
p.s. I don't know if you've already heard any of the songs, but the CD... well you've probably already figured out but it's my new single. I wanted you to have it.
A shaky breath could be heard around the dressing room as the letter dropped soundlessly to the floor.
note3: It wasn't something amazing, but i hope you liked it :) Comments would be great!! would make me happy at least ;D
also, this was suppossed to be ready on Nino's bday buut.......... it wasn't so let me still say this, Happy Birthday Nino~!!