Late-Victorian aristocratic mourning

[ambrmerlinus]

Setting: Manchester (or surrounding area), England, 1892

Characters: Two siblings, an unmarried man (23) and an unmarried woman (25) (yes I realize she is practically a spinster, that is on purpose), and their wealthy baronet father (65ish). The daughter lives with the father. The son may or may not, I'm still fussing with that. Both children are

Comments

[sollersuk]

There are two little books published in 1897: "Manners for Men" and "Manners for Women". The latter has a chapter on "etiquette of mourning" the former doesn't.

As for women:

1. At that date, it had just become acceptable to go into mourning at once rather than waiting for a week. Manchester would probably be a bit behind hand anyway.

2. Periods of wearing mourning: for a husband, crape (sic) fora year, black for a further year. For a parent: crape for six months, black for three.

3. It was considered inappropriate for a woman to attend funerals of close relatives.

[ambrmerlinus]

Thank you for the book recs and info! Do you know where I could find more information on mourning expectations for men?

[marycatelli]

The financial arrangements would have the most potential to hit the sister. You could, of course, have the brother support her as the father had.

[ambrmerlinus]

The siblings are very close, so even if the father didn't provide for her, her brother definitely would.

[sushidog]

If the son doesn't live at home, the daughter's living arrangements will almost certainly need to change after their father dies; as an unmarried woman she wouldn't be expected to live alone as the head of her own household. If her brother lives at home or moves back after the fathers death, that would be OK, otherwise shell probably need at least a live-in companion, or she'll move in with her brother.
This page focuses on the era you're interested in, if that helps!

[marycatelli]

it's possible she has a companion already, which might limit disruption.

[ambrmerlinus]

That web page is very helpful indeed, thank you!

I'm still undecided on whether or not the brother lives at home. At the moment I'm leaning towards "yes". Would that be considered unusual for a man his age?

[sushidog]

No, if he's unmarried and the family is wealthy, it would be perfectly normal. He might also have rooms at his club in London or even a serviced flat in case he wanted to stay in town (assuming the family home is outside the city), but living at home wouldn't be seen as odd.

[jayb111]

The young lady could go to church, if nowhere else. And while she might not go out immediately after the bereavement, it was proper to pay visits of condolence, so if the family had a wide circle of acquaintance she'd get lots of calls from other ladies (not gentlemen, her brother would deal with those). They'd probably get lots of letters too which it would be her job to reply to. Once the funeral was over she might also visit close friends. Definitely no parties with dancing while in mourning, but if she was involved in charity work, it would be OK, even expected, for her to carry on with that. And if the brother had an occupation, then he'd carry on with it

[pengolodh_sc]

Baronet is a hereditary honour, so I think it counts as aristocracy.

[lilacsigil]

A baronet is a (low ranking) aristocrat. You might be thinking of a baron, which can be aristocratic or simply conferred for life, as in Baroness Thatcher.

[jayb111]

No, I'm not thinking of a barony. That's a peerage and entitled the holder to sit in the House of Lords until the recent reforms. A baronetcy isn't and didn't. Hence my uncertainty. A baron outranks a baronet, even if it's only a life peerage - which is a fairly recent innovation.

[nineveh_uk]

A key question is what does the father's will say? The situation of brother and sister has the potential to vary wildly depending on how he's left his money, and come to that any money from the mother's side of the family. Where is the money from, and how stable is it? Does the woman have her own capital and resulting income from her (presumably dead) mother? What other relatives are there to supoprt them? If they live at home, an elderly aunt moves in, and they've plenty of cash, then aside from observing the formalities of mourning, life needn't change much. On the contrary, if the son needs to be in London for business, the daughter has no family, and they're short of money, things could change a lot.

[ambrmerlinus]

Thank you for answering! At the moment it looks like life needn't change much. Could a close female friend of the daughter fulfill the role of the elderly aunt, or does it need to be someone related/older?

[marycatelli]

Hmm. If she were a widow, certainly.