Afterglow
Title: Afterglow
Beta: muramatsu_aoi
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst, Drama
Summary: Love is a light that shines in the dark.
The sequel to my two-shot, In the Dark ♥
It was an idea that flitted in his head from time to time - a thought that he allowed to fill up the emptiness that had once again taken over. In his head, things never went exactly the same. Perhaps one day he ran into Jaejoong with a wife and a child, another time, Jaejoong was with another man. There was one thing however, that remained the same in all of these fantasies.
They never ended up together.
Maybe it was just because he’d always been a pessimist at heart, and since Jaejoong was gone, he reverted back to his old self. He never dwelled on his ridiculous fantasies that long. He either ended up burying them with his studies, or on some nights, even with alcohol.
But in all of those fantasies, never had he thought of meeting Jaejoong again in an elevator. A sudden burst of optimism clutched at his heart - maybe that would mean something then? Maybe that would mean Jaejoong wouldn’t leave him this time around, that Jaejoong would teach him about love and life again.
But if he did leave again, then maybe Yunho would be the first person to get his heart broken twice.
After the shakily spoken first words had left his lips, fear clutched Yunho’s heart tightly. He waited for Jaejoong to respond, for the other to just say something - to say anything. After all the time they’d spent apart, was this all he would get?
The elevator dinged and broke their silence. Yunho glanced out at the corridor. This floor was his stop. He took one step forward and looked back.
“Are you leaving?” Jaejoong asked quietly, his dark eyes focused upon Yunho. He licked lips that Yunho remembered kissing and continued, “I…”
“I just have to give something,” Yunho mumbled. Despite the months that had passed since their last meeting, it seemed like he was the same withdrawn and awkward person that he’d always been. He swallowed hard and met Jaejoong’s eyes, “My…my professor, I have to pass something to him -“
“I understand…”
They stared at each other, and before the doors could close, Yunho stuck his hand out in order to prevent the elevator doors from shutting. He had to say something, but his mind was failing him. He stared at Jaejoong helplessly, and just as he was about to open his mouth to say something - to say just anything, Jaejoong spoke first.
“I work at the top floor…at the bar.” He whispered softly, “You can…you can visit me as soon as you’re done. My shift ends at two though…so you’ll have to wait a bit before…”
“I can wait,” Yunho said firmly. He kept his hand where it was, preventing the elevator doors from sliding shut. “I waited months for you, I can wait -“
Jaejoong chuckled, and a slight blush swept across his cheeks. He looked slightly taken aback by Yunho’s zealous behavior, but he radiated an aura of youthfulness that Yunho was sure he hadn’t seen or noticed back when they were still in Korea.
“I always had a feeling you were more of a charmer than you let on,” Jaejoong explained, a smile creeping up on his face. He tilted his head and gestured to the corridor, “You should go.” He glanced down at his bucket of his ice, “My ice is melting too…”
Yunho took a step back, “I’m sorry -“
Jaejoong shook his head and smiled as the elevators began to close. His eyes met Yunho’s, “You have nothing to be sorry about,” he murmured before the doors eventually shut and covered him from sight completely.
o-o-o
Was he supposed to be angry?
Even when Jaejoong had left, he hadn’t been angry at him for the most part. While yes, there had been the initial feelings of anger, they’d disappeared and were replaced almost entirely by a feeling of loss. He’d felt incompetent, foolish and pathetic, but never had he hated Jaejoong for leaving.
In a way, he almost felt like he understood why the other had left.
There was something they were both lacked, something more than what they could have provided the other. He didn’t believe in the bullshit that Jaejoong had given him about being a burden, but he did know that Jaejoong had been running away. Maybe not from him, but from some demon he’d never explained to Yunho.
Yunho walked slowly to the bar and stared blankly ahead at the lavish and finely decorated interior of the corridor. He kept his hands in his pockets and followed the sound of the piano playing that was coming from the bar. He walked past rich businessmen and their dates, paying them no mind. As soon as he entered the lounge, he scanned the area and immediately began to make his over to the bar counter.
As he got closer, Yunho dug deep into his feelings. He didn’t know what he was feeling at the moment - it seemed like he’d downed a bizarre cocktail of hopefulness and wistfulness, and he was drunk on it. He honestly had no clue as to what Jaejoong wanted from him, but he knew what he wanted from Jaejoong.
He wanted answers.
Yunho took a seat at the bar and ignored the interested glance from a woman to his right. He drummed his fingers on the bar counter and waited for someone to approach him so that he could ask for Jaejoong. Luckily enough for him, he was spared the trouble of asking around.
Jaejoong sidled up to him and shot him a small smile. He looked radiant and ethereal underneath the bar lights, the perfect picture of a glowing beauty. The fact Jaejoong looked so wonderful made Yunho shrink inside with the fear that perhaps he was the only one clinging to their past.
Maybe he was the only one that still cared.
“Do you want a drink?” Jaejoong asked softly. He placed both his hands onto the counter and leaned slightly forward. “It’ll be on the house, I promise. Anything you want, I’ll make it for you.”
Yunho licked his lips, “Just water will be fine.”
“Don’t be shy,” the older man teased with a smile. “Do you want something strong? You look like someone who would appreciate vodka or something stronger…” He fell silent, and when Yunho said nothing, he glanced down at the table.
“Are you angry?” he whispered. “Do you hate me?”
Yunho glanced down at his right hand. It was barely centimeters from one of Jaejoong’s own hands. He looked up at the bartender, and he was still silent and staring down, obviously waiting for Yunho’s answer. Instead of saying anything, Yunho slowly inched his hand forward and placed it over Jaejoong’s.
His heart was pounding in his chest, and it was then that he realized what he felt. He wasn’t angry - in fact, he was anything but angry. He was hopeful. He was tired of the nights spent questioning everything, and he was sick of nursing a broken heart. Yes, he’d made progress in life, but there was still something - no, someone that he refused to move on from.
There were just some things that one didn’t give up on.
Yunho reached forward, and his fingers wrapped around the other’s hand tightly. He let out breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and then gave the other a reassuring squeeze. Jaejoong didn’t look up.
“Don’t run away from me,” Yunho whispered. “Not again. “
The silence seemed to last forever, and it was at that moment Yunho feared that he’d been correct. Maybe he had placed too much value on that time on the past. Maybe he was truly as stupid and foolish as he’d believed.
“I won’t,” Jaejoong replied. He swallowed hard and raised his head. His eyes were watery, and he quickly brushed his tears away with his sleeve. He laughed and shook his head, “Fuck, look at me. I don’t even know what to say because I might say something lame, and all the things you’ve been just been saying are close to perfect, and I hate you…I really hate you.”
A smile crossed Yunho’s face, and he felt relief fill him immediately. He reached out to brush a remnant of Jaejoong’s tears away, but Jaejoong pulled away and shook his head. He wiped his own eyes and looked around.
“I must look stupid.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not okay.” Jaejoong grumbled as he turned away from Yunho. He dabbed at his eyes one last time and then turned around again. “This…this isn’t how it’s supposed to go.”
Yunho tilted his head and looked at Jaejoong in amusement, “And how is it supposed to go?”
“You’re supposed to walk into the bar, order a drink, and…” Jaejoong trailed off and shook his head, “Just trust me, it’s not supposed to happen like this.” He bit his lip and raised his eyes to look at Yunho. “And you’re not allowed to speak for the rest of evening or else I’m going to think you’re some sort of reincarnated form of Lee Seunggi with your perfect words and perfect smile.”
Someone called Jaejoong, and the latter looked away from Yunho. Yunho turned his head as well, and he noticed that the person was looking at him suspiciously. He flicked his eyes back over to Jaejoong and watched their exchange like the observer that he was.
After they’d finished speaking, Jaejoong turned his eyes back to Yunho.
“That’s Yoochun…he’s my roommate.” He bit his lip and sighed, “I live with him and his boyfriend Changmin and…I should go back to work. Are you sure you’re okay with sticking around here?”
Yunho nodded, looking almost like the human embodiment of an obedient puppy just wanting to please. “I can wait.”
“Okay…” Jaejoong glanced at Yoochun, who was still looking at them rather intently and obviously, then looked at Yunho again. “If he asks you any questions, just pretend you’re a Chinese tourist.”
o-o-o
It wasn’t long before Jaejoong was sent back out of the bar on some errand. Yunho watched raptly as the two bickered, and it wasn’t long before Jaejoong was forced to give up and grudgingly walked away. He wasn’t even gone a minute before the other man made his way over to Yunho and set down another glass of water in front of him.
“Who are you?”
Yunho decided that it was best to answer in the most straightforward and honest way, so he followed through with that. “Yunho.”
A look of surprise came across the other’s face, and Yunho was rather shocked to see it. The bartender brought his hand to his chin and stroked it. He studied Yunho carefully for a good few seconds before he spoke again.
“Yunho…the law student from Korea?”
“Well…I’m now Yunho the law student in Japan.”
“Oh.” Silence fell between them, but once again, it was Yoochun who took the initiative to speak first. “For how long?”
“What?”
“How long are you going to be Yunho the law student in Japan?” Yoochun questioned, repeating his question in its entirety. He shot Yunho a searching look and drummed his fingers on the bar counter. “It broke his heart to leave you, and the fact he looked close to breaking down into tears when he hasn’t been crying over you in months means that he’s pretty God damn fucking happy to see you.”
Yunho was silent, but that didn’t seem to bother the bartender, so he decided to just keep speaking.
“He’s emotional and healing, but still damaged, and he’s also become my soulmate. Everything I’ve heard about you is that you were a saint and a wonderful…whatever you two were, but if you are anything but a saint here, and you break his delicate, fragile heart, I will break you.”
He hadn’t been expecting such a tirade, and Yunho’s eyes widened considerably. He blinked blankly at the other for a few seconds before he opened his mouth to defend himself.
“I won’t.”
Yoochun smiled, “I had a feeling you would say something like that.” He held out his hand and spoke again. “It’s nice to meet you Yunho. I hope to see you around a lot and feel free to live in our apartment where Jaejoong cooks, I sing, and Changmin eats.”
Before Yunho could reach out to shake Yoochun’s hand, Jaejoong pushed Yoochun away roughly and shoved the new bucket of ice into his hands. He scowled at Yoochun and swatted at him before he turned to look at Yunho.
“Was he bothering you?” Jaejoong asked before he shot another glare at Yoochun who was walking away and shaking his head in amusement. He turned his eyes and looked at Yunho, “Did he say anything…?”
“Weird?”
Jaejoong nodded.
“No, not really.”
“Did he threaten you?”
Yunho went quiet for a few seconds then replied, “A bit, but it’s okay.” He smiled reassuringly at Jaejoong, “He also invited me over to the apartment you guys all live at.”
“Oh…” Jaejoong bit his lip, “Do you want to come over tonight? My room’s messy, and well, okay, no, it’s not that messy but…they’ll both be there, and they won’t leave us alone, and…and we need to talk…about -“
“Everything.”
Jaejoong nodded in agreement, “Yes, everything.”
“We can figure out what to do as soon as you’re out of here,” Yunho replied as he gestured around to the bar lounge. Most people were already filing out, so he presumed that Jaejoong wouldn’t have to stay for much longer. “We can go get coffee or something…and talk.”
“Like a date?” Jaejoong said softly.
Yunho blushed, and he looked down. “Yeah...a date.” He looked up and met Jaejoong’s eyes. “This time, it’ll be a proper one, don’t you think?”
“I didn’t think…” Jaejoong laughed and looked away again. He kept his eyes away from Yunho for some time before he looked at the other man again. His smile brightened, and unlike in the past, his happiness practically radiated off of him. “I can’t wait then.”
Yunho smiled - he couldn’t either.
o-o-o
As soon as his shift had ended, Jaejoong had whisked Yunho out of the bar barely seconds after saying goodbye to Yoochun. They’d both kept a comfortable silence until after they were far away from the hotel and walking around Tokyo’s streets aimlessly and hand in hand. Yunho snuck glances at Jaejoong every once in a while, and the other looked like he was completely wrapped up in his thoughts. Just as usual, Yunho decided not to press anything.
He would wait however long it would take for Jaejoong to say something.
They walked past a convenience store, and Jaejoong pulled at his hand. He pointed to the brightly lit store, “Let’s get something to drink. I’ll pay.” He kept his hand firmly gripped onto Yunho’s and led the other man in. They walked past aisles stocked with anything and everything, Yunho just following behind Jaejoong aimlessly.
Jaejoong dropped his hand to open the store’s cooler. “Are you here for long?” he asked.
“Yes,” Yunho replied, and before Jaejoong could ask him for how long, he decided to keep speaking. “For four years…at least, I’m here for law school.”
The older man turned around, strawberry milk in hand. He looked up at Yunho proudly and smiled, “I’m so happy for you.” He raised the bottle he had in his hand and wagged it at Yunho, “Do you like strawberry milk?”
“Can I have something else instead?”
“Beer?”
Yunho shook his head, “Chocolate milk.”
Jaejoong turned around and grabbed a bottle of chocolate milk off the rack before he began to make his way to the cashier. As usual, Yunho followed behind him quietly like a shadow. After Jaejoong’s purchases had been made, they went back out onto the streets.
“Are you still a struggling student?”
“Kind of,” Yunho said slowly, “I have an allowance because of my scholarship, and it’s a full one too…I have money saved from the past too, so I’m getting by okay enough.”
A lull of silence fell between them, and Jaejoong stopped. Yunho stopped as soon as he did, and he turned around to look at him. Jaejoong let out a deep breath, and rather than saying anything, he reached for Yunho’s wrist again and led him to a child’s play park. He sat down on a swing, and Yunho stood in front of him.
“I know I’m supposed to explain,” Jaejoong said slowly, his eyes on the ground and his hands gripping the bottle in his hands. “I don’t know where to begin, and…I don’t know what to say.” He looked up at Yunho, “Please, help me.”
Yunho knelt down in front of Jaejoong, “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know,” Jaejoong whispered, his voice filled with emotion, “But I’m scared. I’ve spent the past months thinking about everything, and…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you but -“
“It’s okay -“
“No, it’s not okay!” Jaejoong argued. “I’ve done so many things Yunho…you, you don’t know that…” he took a deep breath, “I was…I was seeing someone else, when I was with you, but he was in jail, and it was so fucked up, and I was…”
Yunho was silent, but once again, his actions spoke volumes for him. He set his bottle of milk onto the ground and reached out to grasp Jaejoong’s hands.
“I told you before -“
“I was so in love with him in the past,” Jaejoong whispered, his beautiful eyes filled with tears. “But he used me, and I let him treat me like nothing. I let him break me and then I broke your heart in return. I’m so sorry -“
Yunho shook his head and squeezed Jaejoong’s hands tightly before he reached upwards to cup Jaejoong’s face. He forced the other man to look at him, to meet his gaze in order to see the depth of his feelings. He swallowed hard, trying to think of words that could somehow convey the emotions that were coursing throughout his veins.
No, he couldn’t be angry at the other man - he couldn’t even bring himself to even consider walking away from Jaejoong at that moment. If there was any sort of anger he felt, it would be towards the man who’d broken Jaejoong in the first place. The man who’d used him and had hurt him so deeply in the past.
He’d never known himself to have a white knight in him, and Yunho knew he was far from ideal, but he promised to himself that he would never do the same to Jaejoong.
“Don’t cry,” Yunho whispered as Jaejoong continued to sob softly. He looked at the other man with such tenderness and affection in his gaze before he stood up and held him so closely that it was like they’d become one. Jaejoong buried his face into Yunho’s shoulder, cherishing the warmth and protection he’d gone for so long without.
“I’m not leaving,” Yunho murmured as Jaejoong began to calm down and hug him so tightly that he could feel his breathing restrict slightly. “I won’t leave you. I promise.”
o-o-o
He didn’t know if things were supposed to be so easy, but he figured that after everything they’d been through, they both deserved it.
They were both seated on his tiny couch in his messy apartment. They’d shared a cup of instant ramen together, and the empty cup had been placed onto the floor, only adding further to all the clutter already present. Yunho toyed idly with the strands of Jaejoong’s hair, his eyes not really focused on the show that was playing on the television screen.
“I’m tired,” Jaejoong whispered.
Yunho glanced down at him, “Bed?”
“Yes please,” Jaejoong answered, his voice sounding tired yet childlike. He got up off Yunho, and Yunho led him over to his bedroom. They both knew that nothing intimate would happen - it would be too much too soon. Jaejoong stripped down to his boxers while Yunho changed into something more appropriate for sleeping.
They both lied down on the bed, and Yunho draped his arm over Jaejoong’s waist. He felt Jaejoong intertwine their hands, and he pressed a soft kiss behind Jaejoong’s ear. Jaejoong moved back against him, and Yunho chuckled.
“This feels like a do-over,” Jaejoong whispered in the darkness.
“It does,” Yunho murmured in agreement as he breathed in the scent that was uniquely and entirely Jaejoong.
“Thank you,” Jaejoong said after a few seconds, his voice soft. He craned his head to look back at Yunho, “Thank you for everything…”
Yunho smiled at him, his handsome face glowing with happiness. He held Jaejoong tighter and kissed his nose. “You’re welcome.”
Jaejoong smiled at him, turned away, and with that in mind, Yunho closed his eyes and slipped off into slumber with a smile on his lips.
o-o-o
Jaejoong’s body was pressed so closely to his, and Yunho slid his hand up the smooth skin of the other’s back. He felt Jaejoong shiver against him, and he inched closer to provide the other with more warmth. The older man buried his face into Yunho’s neck, and Yunho held him closely.
This was how things were supposed to have gone months ago. Yunho’s eyes raked over Jaejoong’s body, drinking in the sight of the other. The moonlight that slipped in through the window faintly illuminated their tangled bodies in the darkness and cast a glow over them both.
He raked his fingers through Jaejoong’s hair, and the other man’s eyes slowly opened to look up at him, brown eyes still clouded with drowsiness. Yunho said nothing, but it seemed to be enough for Jaejoong. The older man pressed their lips together for a chaste kiss before he pulled away. His hand moved up Yunho’s body and eventually settled at his jaw. His thumb stroked the defined lines of Yunho’s face before he look up at met the other’s eyes.
“Is this enough?” Jaejoong questioned softly. A familiar look of uncertainty crossed his face, and the pressure of his touch increased slightly with it. He looked up at Yunho, eyes filled with hopeful longing.
“Yes.”
No other words were necessary. They’d spent so much time dancing back and forth between the truth and secrecy, and Yunho was sick of that. Nothing would hold him back now from truly expressing what he felt. He was so happy his heart refused to stop pounding so quickly, and he was also so afraid that everything was just a perfect, wonderful dream that he would wake up from in the morning.
Jaejoong fell back into silence for a few seconds, a thoughtful look crossing his features before he turned his eyes up and met Yunho’s once more.
“In the morning, I’ll make you breakfast.” His eyes were twinkling with love and happiness, and Yunho couldn’t help but feel the same. “I’m a very good cook you know.”
“So I’ve heard.”
Jaejoong used his other hand to slap Yunho’s chest lightly. He scowled, “You better believe it. I’ll make you the best breakfast you’ve ever tasted, and then after, I’ll bring you to my apartment, and then you can meet Changmin and Yoochun.”
“Then after?”
“We can go get coffee somewhere - maybe kiss the afternoon away, and since it’ll be my day off tomorrow too, maybe we can go to a club.”
“And then?”
“And then…I don’t know, but, I’ll be here.” Jaejoong murmured. He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Yunho’s neck. “So you have to be here too,” When he pulled away, he gazed into Yunho’s eyes. “This just…this just feels right.”
“That’s because it is,” Yunho said in reply before he closed the distance between them and pulled Jaejoong in for a deeper kiss, determined to prove a point. At that moment, he didn’t care about his messy apartment or the fact that one of Jaejoong’s legs was pinning his underneath it. All the pains of the past, and all of the hurt that he was sure they would encounter in the future would be insignificant.
Maybe it was foolish to believe in love, perfection and the idea of forever, but he was more than willing to accept his foolishness just as long as it was Jaejoong he was being foolishly happy and delusional with. They’d probably never live idyllic lives of excessive comfort, one where they enjoyed the power of doing whatever they wanted whenever they wanted, but that was okay. They didn’t need extravagance or luxury in their lives if they had each other.
Nothing in life was perfect - they themselves were far from it after all, but they were happy, and that was all that mattered.
Author’s Note: YAY FOR HAPPY TIMES. :D I hope you guys all enjoyed this. ^^ I think I’ve been making pretty good progress on my 100,000 word goal for this month. Right now, I’m at like 25,000+ words, so I should be able to finish…right? Haha. XD Wish me luck guys, and thank you so much for reading, commenting, and supporting me! ♥
Beta: muramatsu_aoi
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst, Drama
Summary: Love is a light that shines in the dark.
The sequel to my two-shot, In the Dark ♥
It was an idea that flitted in his head from time to time - a thought that he allowed to fill up the emptiness that had once again taken over. In his head, things never went exactly the same. Perhaps one day he ran into Jaejoong with a wife and a child, another time, Jaejoong was with another man. There was one thing however, that remained the same in all of these fantasies.
They never ended up together.
Maybe it was just because he’d always been a pessimist at heart, and since Jaejoong was gone, he reverted back to his old self. He never dwelled on his ridiculous fantasies that long. He either ended up burying them with his studies, or on some nights, even with alcohol.
But in all of those fantasies, never had he thought of meeting Jaejoong again in an elevator. A sudden burst of optimism clutched at his heart - maybe that would mean something then? Maybe that would mean Jaejoong wouldn’t leave him this time around, that Jaejoong would teach him about love and life again.
But if he did leave again, then maybe Yunho would be the first person to get his heart broken twice.
After the shakily spoken first words had left his lips, fear clutched Yunho’s heart tightly. He waited for Jaejoong to respond, for the other to just say something - to say anything. After all the time they’d spent apart, was this all he would get?
The elevator dinged and broke their silence. Yunho glanced out at the corridor. This floor was his stop. He took one step forward and looked back.
“Are you leaving?” Jaejoong asked quietly, his dark eyes focused upon Yunho. He licked lips that Yunho remembered kissing and continued, “I…”
“I just have to give something,” Yunho mumbled. Despite the months that had passed since their last meeting, it seemed like he was the same withdrawn and awkward person that he’d always been. He swallowed hard and met Jaejoong’s eyes, “My…my professor, I have to pass something to him -“
“I understand…”
They stared at each other, and before the doors could close, Yunho stuck his hand out in order to prevent the elevator doors from shutting. He had to say something, but his mind was failing him. He stared at Jaejoong helplessly, and just as he was about to open his mouth to say something - to say just anything, Jaejoong spoke first.
“I work at the top floor…at the bar.” He whispered softly, “You can…you can visit me as soon as you’re done. My shift ends at two though…so you’ll have to wait a bit before…”
“I can wait,” Yunho said firmly. He kept his hand where it was, preventing the elevator doors from sliding shut. “I waited months for you, I can wait -“
Jaejoong chuckled, and a slight blush swept across his cheeks. He looked slightly taken aback by Yunho’s zealous behavior, but he radiated an aura of youthfulness that Yunho was sure he hadn’t seen or noticed back when they were still in Korea.
“I always had a feeling you were more of a charmer than you let on,” Jaejoong explained, a smile creeping up on his face. He tilted his head and gestured to the corridor, “You should go.” He glanced down at his bucket of his ice, “My ice is melting too…”
Yunho took a step back, “I’m sorry -“
Jaejoong shook his head and smiled as the elevators began to close. His eyes met Yunho’s, “You have nothing to be sorry about,” he murmured before the doors eventually shut and covered him from sight completely.
o-o-o
Was he supposed to be angry?
Even when Jaejoong had left, he hadn’t been angry at him for the most part. While yes, there had been the initial feelings of anger, they’d disappeared and were replaced almost entirely by a feeling of loss. He’d felt incompetent, foolish and pathetic, but never had he hated Jaejoong for leaving.
In a way, he almost felt like he understood why the other had left.
There was something they were both lacked, something more than what they could have provided the other. He didn’t believe in the bullshit that Jaejoong had given him about being a burden, but he did know that Jaejoong had been running away. Maybe not from him, but from some demon he’d never explained to Yunho.
Yunho walked slowly to the bar and stared blankly ahead at the lavish and finely decorated interior of the corridor. He kept his hands in his pockets and followed the sound of the piano playing that was coming from the bar. He walked past rich businessmen and their dates, paying them no mind. As soon as he entered the lounge, he scanned the area and immediately began to make his over to the bar counter.
As he got closer, Yunho dug deep into his feelings. He didn’t know what he was feeling at the moment - it seemed like he’d downed a bizarre cocktail of hopefulness and wistfulness, and he was drunk on it. He honestly had no clue as to what Jaejoong wanted from him, but he knew what he wanted from Jaejoong.
He wanted answers.
Yunho took a seat at the bar and ignored the interested glance from a woman to his right. He drummed his fingers on the bar counter and waited for someone to approach him so that he could ask for Jaejoong. Luckily enough for him, he was spared the trouble of asking around.
Jaejoong sidled up to him and shot him a small smile. He looked radiant and ethereal underneath the bar lights, the perfect picture of a glowing beauty. The fact Jaejoong looked so wonderful made Yunho shrink inside with the fear that perhaps he was the only one clinging to their past.
Maybe he was the only one that still cared.
“Do you want a drink?” Jaejoong asked softly. He placed both his hands onto the counter and leaned slightly forward. “It’ll be on the house, I promise. Anything you want, I’ll make it for you.”
Yunho licked his lips, “Just water will be fine.”
“Don’t be shy,” the older man teased with a smile. “Do you want something strong? You look like someone who would appreciate vodka or something stronger…” He fell silent, and when Yunho said nothing, he glanced down at the table.
“Are you angry?” he whispered. “Do you hate me?”
Yunho glanced down at his right hand. It was barely centimeters from one of Jaejoong’s own hands. He looked up at the bartender, and he was still silent and staring down, obviously waiting for Yunho’s answer. Instead of saying anything, Yunho slowly inched his hand forward and placed it over Jaejoong’s.
His heart was pounding in his chest, and it was then that he realized what he felt. He wasn’t angry - in fact, he was anything but angry. He was hopeful. He was tired of the nights spent questioning everything, and he was sick of nursing a broken heart. Yes, he’d made progress in life, but there was still something - no, someone that he refused to move on from.
There were just some things that one didn’t give up on.
Yunho reached forward, and his fingers wrapped around the other’s hand tightly. He let out breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and then gave the other a reassuring squeeze. Jaejoong didn’t look up.
“Don’t run away from me,” Yunho whispered. “Not again. “
The silence seemed to last forever, and it was at that moment Yunho feared that he’d been correct. Maybe he had placed too much value on that time on the past. Maybe he was truly as stupid and foolish as he’d believed.
“I won’t,” Jaejoong replied. He swallowed hard and raised his head. His eyes were watery, and he quickly brushed his tears away with his sleeve. He laughed and shook his head, “Fuck, look at me. I don’t even know what to say because I might say something lame, and all the things you’ve been just been saying are close to perfect, and I hate you…I really hate you.”
A smile crossed Yunho’s face, and he felt relief fill him immediately. He reached out to brush a remnant of Jaejoong’s tears away, but Jaejoong pulled away and shook his head. He wiped his own eyes and looked around.
“I must look stupid.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not okay.” Jaejoong grumbled as he turned away from Yunho. He dabbed at his eyes one last time and then turned around again. “This…this isn’t how it’s supposed to go.”
Yunho tilted his head and looked at Jaejoong in amusement, “And how is it supposed to go?”
“You’re supposed to walk into the bar, order a drink, and…” Jaejoong trailed off and shook his head, “Just trust me, it’s not supposed to happen like this.” He bit his lip and raised his eyes to look at Yunho. “And you’re not allowed to speak for the rest of evening or else I’m going to think you’re some sort of reincarnated form of Lee Seunggi with your perfect words and perfect smile.”
Someone called Jaejoong, and the latter looked away from Yunho. Yunho turned his head as well, and he noticed that the person was looking at him suspiciously. He flicked his eyes back over to Jaejoong and watched their exchange like the observer that he was.
After they’d finished speaking, Jaejoong turned his eyes back to Yunho.
“That’s Yoochun…he’s my roommate.” He bit his lip and sighed, “I live with him and his boyfriend Changmin and…I should go back to work. Are you sure you’re okay with sticking around here?”
Yunho nodded, looking almost like the human embodiment of an obedient puppy just wanting to please. “I can wait.”
“Okay…” Jaejoong glanced at Yoochun, who was still looking at them rather intently and obviously, then looked at Yunho again. “If he asks you any questions, just pretend you’re a Chinese tourist.”
o-o-o
It wasn’t long before Jaejoong was sent back out of the bar on some errand. Yunho watched raptly as the two bickered, and it wasn’t long before Jaejoong was forced to give up and grudgingly walked away. He wasn’t even gone a minute before the other man made his way over to Yunho and set down another glass of water in front of him.
“Who are you?”
Yunho decided that it was best to answer in the most straightforward and honest way, so he followed through with that. “Yunho.”
A look of surprise came across the other’s face, and Yunho was rather shocked to see it. The bartender brought his hand to his chin and stroked it. He studied Yunho carefully for a good few seconds before he spoke again.
“Yunho…the law student from Korea?”
“Well…I’m now Yunho the law student in Japan.”
“Oh.” Silence fell between them, but once again, it was Yoochun who took the initiative to speak first. “For how long?”
“What?”
“How long are you going to be Yunho the law student in Japan?” Yoochun questioned, repeating his question in its entirety. He shot Yunho a searching look and drummed his fingers on the bar counter. “It broke his heart to leave you, and the fact he looked close to breaking down into tears when he hasn’t been crying over you in months means that he’s pretty God damn fucking happy to see you.”
Yunho was silent, but that didn’t seem to bother the bartender, so he decided to just keep speaking.
“He’s emotional and healing, but still damaged, and he’s also become my soulmate. Everything I’ve heard about you is that you were a saint and a wonderful…whatever you two were, but if you are anything but a saint here, and you break his delicate, fragile heart, I will break you.”
He hadn’t been expecting such a tirade, and Yunho’s eyes widened considerably. He blinked blankly at the other for a few seconds before he opened his mouth to defend himself.
“I won’t.”
Yoochun smiled, “I had a feeling you would say something like that.” He held out his hand and spoke again. “It’s nice to meet you Yunho. I hope to see you around a lot and feel free to live in our apartment where Jaejoong cooks, I sing, and Changmin eats.”
Before Yunho could reach out to shake Yoochun’s hand, Jaejoong pushed Yoochun away roughly and shoved the new bucket of ice into his hands. He scowled at Yoochun and swatted at him before he turned to look at Yunho.
“Was he bothering you?” Jaejoong asked before he shot another glare at Yoochun who was walking away and shaking his head in amusement. He turned his eyes and looked at Yunho, “Did he say anything…?”
“Weird?”
Jaejoong nodded.
“No, not really.”
“Did he threaten you?”
Yunho went quiet for a few seconds then replied, “A bit, but it’s okay.” He smiled reassuringly at Jaejoong, “He also invited me over to the apartment you guys all live at.”
“Oh…” Jaejoong bit his lip, “Do you want to come over tonight? My room’s messy, and well, okay, no, it’s not that messy but…they’ll both be there, and they won’t leave us alone, and…and we need to talk…about -“
“Everything.”
Jaejoong nodded in agreement, “Yes, everything.”
“We can figure out what to do as soon as you’re out of here,” Yunho replied as he gestured around to the bar lounge. Most people were already filing out, so he presumed that Jaejoong wouldn’t have to stay for much longer. “We can go get coffee or something…and talk.”
“Like a date?” Jaejoong said softly.
Yunho blushed, and he looked down. “Yeah...a date.” He looked up and met Jaejoong’s eyes. “This time, it’ll be a proper one, don’t you think?”
“I didn’t think…” Jaejoong laughed and looked away again. He kept his eyes away from Yunho for some time before he looked at the other man again. His smile brightened, and unlike in the past, his happiness practically radiated off of him. “I can’t wait then.”
Yunho smiled - he couldn’t either.
o-o-o
As soon as his shift had ended, Jaejoong had whisked Yunho out of the bar barely seconds after saying goodbye to Yoochun. They’d both kept a comfortable silence until after they were far away from the hotel and walking around Tokyo’s streets aimlessly and hand in hand. Yunho snuck glances at Jaejoong every once in a while, and the other looked like he was completely wrapped up in his thoughts. Just as usual, Yunho decided not to press anything.
He would wait however long it would take for Jaejoong to say something.
They walked past a convenience store, and Jaejoong pulled at his hand. He pointed to the brightly lit store, “Let’s get something to drink. I’ll pay.” He kept his hand firmly gripped onto Yunho’s and led the other man in. They walked past aisles stocked with anything and everything, Yunho just following behind Jaejoong aimlessly.
Jaejoong dropped his hand to open the store’s cooler. “Are you here for long?” he asked.
“Yes,” Yunho replied, and before Jaejoong could ask him for how long, he decided to keep speaking. “For four years…at least, I’m here for law school.”
The older man turned around, strawberry milk in hand. He looked up at Yunho proudly and smiled, “I’m so happy for you.” He raised the bottle he had in his hand and wagged it at Yunho, “Do you like strawberry milk?”
“Can I have something else instead?”
“Beer?”
Yunho shook his head, “Chocolate milk.”
Jaejoong turned around and grabbed a bottle of chocolate milk off the rack before he began to make his way to the cashier. As usual, Yunho followed behind him quietly like a shadow. After Jaejoong’s purchases had been made, they went back out onto the streets.
“Are you still a struggling student?”
“Kind of,” Yunho said slowly, “I have an allowance because of my scholarship, and it’s a full one too…I have money saved from the past too, so I’m getting by okay enough.”
A lull of silence fell between them, and Jaejoong stopped. Yunho stopped as soon as he did, and he turned around to look at him. Jaejoong let out a deep breath, and rather than saying anything, he reached for Yunho’s wrist again and led him to a child’s play park. He sat down on a swing, and Yunho stood in front of him.
“I know I’m supposed to explain,” Jaejoong said slowly, his eyes on the ground and his hands gripping the bottle in his hands. “I don’t know where to begin, and…I don’t know what to say.” He looked up at Yunho, “Please, help me.”
Yunho knelt down in front of Jaejoong, “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know,” Jaejoong whispered, his voice filled with emotion, “But I’m scared. I’ve spent the past months thinking about everything, and…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you but -“
“It’s okay -“
“No, it’s not okay!” Jaejoong argued. “I’ve done so many things Yunho…you, you don’t know that…” he took a deep breath, “I was…I was seeing someone else, when I was with you, but he was in jail, and it was so fucked up, and I was…”
Yunho was silent, but once again, his actions spoke volumes for him. He set his bottle of milk onto the ground and reached out to grasp Jaejoong’s hands.
“I told you before -“
“I was so in love with him in the past,” Jaejoong whispered, his beautiful eyes filled with tears. “But he used me, and I let him treat me like nothing. I let him break me and then I broke your heart in return. I’m so sorry -“
Yunho shook his head and squeezed Jaejoong’s hands tightly before he reached upwards to cup Jaejoong’s face. He forced the other man to look at him, to meet his gaze in order to see the depth of his feelings. He swallowed hard, trying to think of words that could somehow convey the emotions that were coursing throughout his veins.
No, he couldn’t be angry at the other man - he couldn’t even bring himself to even consider walking away from Jaejoong at that moment. If there was any sort of anger he felt, it would be towards the man who’d broken Jaejoong in the first place. The man who’d used him and had hurt him so deeply in the past.
He’d never known himself to have a white knight in him, and Yunho knew he was far from ideal, but he promised to himself that he would never do the same to Jaejoong.
“Don’t cry,” Yunho whispered as Jaejoong continued to sob softly. He looked at the other man with such tenderness and affection in his gaze before he stood up and held him so closely that it was like they’d become one. Jaejoong buried his face into Yunho’s shoulder, cherishing the warmth and protection he’d gone for so long without.
“I’m not leaving,” Yunho murmured as Jaejoong began to calm down and hug him so tightly that he could feel his breathing restrict slightly. “I won’t leave you. I promise.”
o-o-o
He didn’t know if things were supposed to be so easy, but he figured that after everything they’d been through, they both deserved it.
They were both seated on his tiny couch in his messy apartment. They’d shared a cup of instant ramen together, and the empty cup had been placed onto the floor, only adding further to all the clutter already present. Yunho toyed idly with the strands of Jaejoong’s hair, his eyes not really focused on the show that was playing on the television screen.
“I’m tired,” Jaejoong whispered.
Yunho glanced down at him, “Bed?”
“Yes please,” Jaejoong answered, his voice sounding tired yet childlike. He got up off Yunho, and Yunho led him over to his bedroom. They both knew that nothing intimate would happen - it would be too much too soon. Jaejoong stripped down to his boxers while Yunho changed into something more appropriate for sleeping.
They both lied down on the bed, and Yunho draped his arm over Jaejoong’s waist. He felt Jaejoong intertwine their hands, and he pressed a soft kiss behind Jaejoong’s ear. Jaejoong moved back against him, and Yunho chuckled.
“This feels like a do-over,” Jaejoong whispered in the darkness.
“It does,” Yunho murmured in agreement as he breathed in the scent that was uniquely and entirely Jaejoong.
“Thank you,” Jaejoong said after a few seconds, his voice soft. He craned his head to look back at Yunho, “Thank you for everything…”
Yunho smiled at him, his handsome face glowing with happiness. He held Jaejoong tighter and kissed his nose. “You’re welcome.”
Jaejoong smiled at him, turned away, and with that in mind, Yunho closed his eyes and slipped off into slumber with a smile on his lips.
o-o-o
Jaejoong’s body was pressed so closely to his, and Yunho slid his hand up the smooth skin of the other’s back. He felt Jaejoong shiver against him, and he inched closer to provide the other with more warmth. The older man buried his face into Yunho’s neck, and Yunho held him closely.
This was how things were supposed to have gone months ago. Yunho’s eyes raked over Jaejoong’s body, drinking in the sight of the other. The moonlight that slipped in through the window faintly illuminated their tangled bodies in the darkness and cast a glow over them both.
He raked his fingers through Jaejoong’s hair, and the other man’s eyes slowly opened to look up at him, brown eyes still clouded with drowsiness. Yunho said nothing, but it seemed to be enough for Jaejoong. The older man pressed their lips together for a chaste kiss before he pulled away. His hand moved up Yunho’s body and eventually settled at his jaw. His thumb stroked the defined lines of Yunho’s face before he look up at met the other’s eyes.
“Is this enough?” Jaejoong questioned softly. A familiar look of uncertainty crossed his face, and the pressure of his touch increased slightly with it. He looked up at Yunho, eyes filled with hopeful longing.
“Yes.”
No other words were necessary. They’d spent so much time dancing back and forth between the truth and secrecy, and Yunho was sick of that. Nothing would hold him back now from truly expressing what he felt. He was so happy his heart refused to stop pounding so quickly, and he was also so afraid that everything was just a perfect, wonderful dream that he would wake up from in the morning.
Jaejoong fell back into silence for a few seconds, a thoughtful look crossing his features before he turned his eyes up and met Yunho’s once more.
“In the morning, I’ll make you breakfast.” His eyes were twinkling with love and happiness, and Yunho couldn’t help but feel the same. “I’m a very good cook you know.”
“So I’ve heard.”
Jaejoong used his other hand to slap Yunho’s chest lightly. He scowled, “You better believe it. I’ll make you the best breakfast you’ve ever tasted, and then after, I’ll bring you to my apartment, and then you can meet Changmin and Yoochun.”
“Then after?”
“We can go get coffee somewhere - maybe kiss the afternoon away, and since it’ll be my day off tomorrow too, maybe we can go to a club.”
“And then?”
“And then…I don’t know, but, I’ll be here.” Jaejoong murmured. He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Yunho’s neck. “So you have to be here too,” When he pulled away, he gazed into Yunho’s eyes. “This just…this just feels right.”
“That’s because it is,” Yunho said in reply before he closed the distance between them and pulled Jaejoong in for a deeper kiss, determined to prove a point. At that moment, he didn’t care about his messy apartment or the fact that one of Jaejoong’s legs was pinning his underneath it. All the pains of the past, and all of the hurt that he was sure they would encounter in the future would be insignificant.
Maybe it was foolish to believe in love, perfection and the idea of forever, but he was more than willing to accept his foolishness just as long as it was Jaejoong he was being foolishly happy and delusional with. They’d probably never live idyllic lives of excessive comfort, one where they enjoyed the power of doing whatever they wanted whenever they wanted, but that was okay. They didn’t need extravagance or luxury in their lives if they had each other.
Nothing in life was perfect - they themselves were far from it after all, but they were happy, and that was all that mattered.
Author’s Note: YAY FOR HAPPY TIMES. :D I hope you guys all enjoyed this. ^^ I think I’ve been making pretty good progress on my 100,000 word goal for this month. Right now, I’m at like 25,000+ words, so I should be able to finish…right? Haha. XD Wish me luck guys, and thank you so much for reading, commenting, and supporting me! ♥