Title: Tide
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst
Summary: He was once again in love with Kim Jaejoong.
A rather late birthday fic for
vicshi. ♥
He woke up to the sound of his phone ringing.
Yunho turned to his side grudgingly and fumbled around his night stand, trying to find the offending object in the darkness. He let out an irritated sigh and sat up so that he could look for it, and after a few more annoying shrill rings, he finally found it.
“What?” he snapped, his irritation obvious.
“Yunho, I think you should come back home.” His sister spoke, her voice fraught with nerves and anxiety that made Yunho’s annoyance disappear completely. “I…I think it’s important that you do so.”
Yunho furrowed his brows and gripped his phone tighter, “Why? What happened? Did something happen to you guys? Are mom and dad -“
“Jaejoong’s sister died just a few days ago.” Jihye answered before she fell silent. She let out a quiet breath, “He hasn’t been the same since, and everyone’s worried…Yunho, I don’t know what’s going to happen to him.”
“What am I supposed to do?” Yunho breathed, the name ringing in his ears and bringing up a pain he’d thought he’d gotten over a long time ago. “What can I do?”
“I…” Jihye grew quiet, and silence filled the conversation. Seconds felt like an eternity, and Yunho was thankful the moment his sister spoke once more, “I have to go Yunho.”
“Okay.”
“Just please…you loved him once.” Jihye murmured softly. “You’re the only one that ever really understood him, and he needs you now. He has no one. Please, will you come back home?”
Her question hung in the air, and eventually Yunho answered.
“I’ll be there by tomorrow.”
o-o-o
It was crazy, to be standing at the same doorstep more than two years after he’d left.
Yunho stared at the door before he glanced to his left, his eyes lingering on the setting sun. A dark orange glow was cast across the azure ocean’s surface, and he couldn’t help the creeping feelings of nostalgia that gripped his heart. In fact, even the familiar scent of salty ocean water flooded his senses and made him think of the past - a past when he and Jaejoong were together and not worlds apart.
“Yunho?”
He turned around and stared at the hauntingly familiar figure. Although time had brought traces of age to his face, and his hair had gone from blonde to black, he still looked like the Jaejoong he’d fallen in love with years ago.
Jaejoong set down the basket of fruits in his hands onto the ground and looked at him, his eyes studying Yunho carefully.
“Why are you here?” Jaejoong asked softly.
Yunho shifted his gaze slightly, “I heard about your sister.” He began, finding it hard to think of what to say. He swallowed hard, “How are you doing?” he asked.
“I’m…” Jaejoong looked down, “I’m okay.” He reached down and picked up the basket of fruits, “I think I should go now. Are you going to be here for long Yunho?”
Yunho shook his head, “Only until Sunday.” He answered, “I have to go back to university.”
“I see.”
“Jaejoong…” a look of hesitation crossed Yunho’s face before it disappeared completely. He swallowed hard and spoke, “Would you mind if I stayed with you?”
Jaejoong stared at Yunho, his facial expression unreadable. The waves crashed against the shore in the background as silence fell between the two of them, and Yunho shifted on his feet, anxiously waiting for Jaejoong to respond.
“Okay.” Jaejoong murmured in reply, his voice hardly above a whisper. “You can stay.”
Yunho watched as Jaejoong’s lips quirked into a small smile, and although it didn’t reach his eyes, the same butterflies fluttered in his stomach and the same happiness filled his being.
He was once again in love with Kim Jaejoong.
o-o-o
“Are you leaving?” Jaejoong asked as he took quiet steps and approached Yunho. He sat down next to the taller man and glanced at him questioningly but not accusingly.
Yunho grasped his hands together tightly, “Yeah, I am.”
Jaejoong nodded understandingly, “That’s good.” He turned away from Yunho and focused his eyes on the setting sun, “Now you’ll be able to become the lawyer you’d always dreamed of becoming.”
Yunho glanced at Jaejoong, “What about you? What’s going to happen to your dreams?”
The other student kept his eyes focused on something faraway. He didn’t reply until after the sun had almost completely disappeared into the horizon. “I’m fine being here.” He murmured, “I’ll be okay with my sister. We’ll do fine.”
Yunho stood up angrily, “Can’t you see how wrong that is? Jaejoong, you should be free to do what you want! I don’t think you should just give up everything -“
“I’m not giving up anything.” Jaejoong replied softly, his sad doe eyes boring into Yunho’s. “Those dreams…of us moving into the city, they were never mine. They were yours Yunho.”
“You don’t love me then?” Yunho asked accusingly, his heart torn in two. He stared at Jaejoong pleadingly, hoping that the other would change his mind and see the light. There was no way he could devote the rest of his life taking care of a sister that didn’t appreciate him. “You don’t love me, and you don’t want a future with me?”
“I…” Jaejoong trailed off. “I just want you to be happy.”
Hot tears rolled down Yunho’s cheeks, “Well, you’re going to get what you want then,” He hissed bitterly, his coming words a mixture of childish anger and selfishness. “Because one day, I’m going to come back, and you’ll see how happy I am without you.”
Yunho strode away angrily, missing the tears that had begun to roll down Jaejoong’s cheeks.
o-o-o
Yunho didn’t know if Jaejoong had always been so quiet.
It was like a light had gone out, and all that remained was the hollow shell of his past love. Yunho watched as Jaejoong packed away his sisters things mutely, the actions done with an almost robotic sense of formality.
He was at a loss for words, so Yunho answered his crossword in silence and pretended like his attention wasn’t on Jaejoong. He gripped his pencil tighter and stared down at the blank boxes, trying to find answers, but once again, he was unable to find any.
Jaejoong’s parents had died when he was young, so his sister had been forced to take him in, and that was most of the back story. The only other information he’d known was that Jaejoong’s sister had gotten into a car accident a few years after Jaejoong’s adoption, and as a result of the head trauma, had developed epilepsy.
While he never doubted Jaejoong’s love for his sister - the fact that Jaejoong had refused to leave with him was enough evidence of that - he’d always doubted Kim Junghwa’s love for Jaejoong. She was cold, quiet, and reserved. Never once did he ever see her show much of any outward affection toward him, and most of the time, Jaejoong’s loving acts went unappreciated.
He’d never been able to understand why Jaejoong would give up so much for her.
“Yunho?” Jaejoong whispered softly, breaking Yunho out of his concentrated thoughts.
Yunho snapped his eyes up and looked at Jaejoong, “Yes?” he asked as he pushed his crossword and pencil aside. He stood up and took a few steps closer to Jaejoong, “Do you need me to help you -“
“What do you want for dinner?” Jaejoong asked as he brushed his hands on his pants and stood up.
Yunho was silent. “Anything…anything will be okay.”
“Okay then.” Jaejoong replied before he walked away and disappeared into the kitchen. “If you want anything, just tell me.”
Yunho stared after him, silent and uneasy.
I want you to love me again.
o-o-o
“Why did you give up painting?”
Jaejoong lifted his head and stared at Yunho, “What?” he asked as he folded the rest of his sister’s clothes and placed it inside the box. He looked down at the clothes and shrugged, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Yunho swallowed hard, fearful to press the issue any further, yet a small part of him figured that he at least deserved answers. “Why did you stop painting?”
“It’s complicated.” Jaejoong answered stiffly before he sat up and brushed past the other man to escape his presence.
Yunho watched him leave, frustrated with himself for allowing his childish side to come out. Instead of spending his time trying to comfort Jaejoong, he’d been stupid and had completely destroyed the bridge they’d built over the previous days.
Once again, he’d been stupid.
o-o-o
Yunho got out of bed and left the room silently. He walked past Jaejoong’s room and made his way out of the house, pushing the glass sliding door quietly and shutting it before he began to make his way to the beach.
His bare feet crunched on the sand, and it was only when he was a few feet from Jaejoong that he noticed the other man’s presence.
“Jaejoong…” he murmured wistfully, the sight of the man bathed in moonlight too much for him to bear. Although they’d only been living with one another for five days, the restraint that he’d built up was becoming overwhelming.
Was it too late for him to beg for forgiveness for the mistakes he’d made as a foolish child?
Jaejoong turned his head and looked at Yunho before he brushed his eyes, “Why are you still awake?” he murmured before he turned his head away and looked elsewhere, “You should be sleeping right now.”
“I could say the same for you.” Yunho replied as he moved closer to Jaejoong, stopping only when he was inches away. “You’ve had a long day. I’m sure things…I’m sure things are still raw for you.” He took another step and sat down next to Jaejoong, “But…I’ll be here for you.”
Jaejoong glanced at Yunho, “I don’t know why you came back.” he whispered, “Are you married? Do you have children? Are…are you happy?”
Yunho said nothing and reached out to take Jaejoong’s hands in his. He could feel Jaejoong’s searching eyes on his, and he slowly pressed a gentle, grazing kiss against Jaejoong’s knuckles.
“Now I am.”
o-o-o
Yunho said nothing as Jaejoong buried his face into neck, inhaling the salty sea air scent of the other man. He pulled him closer, and as Jaejoong sobbed onto his shoulder, he said nothing. He patted his back lovingly and whispered tender words.
The last of his sister’s things were being packed away, and Jaejoong couldn’t bear to send them to the charity his sister had specified. Yunho had found Jaejoong up in the attic crying, and as soon as he’d found the other man in such a vulnerable state; he’d pulled him into his arms immediately.
“I don’t deserve this.” Jaejoong choked out finally, although his actions contradicted his words as he clutched Yunho tighter. “I killed her.”
Yunho pressed a kiss against Jaejoong’s temple and shook his head, “No, you didn’t.” he tried to pull Jaejoong back into his hug, but the other man pulled away and reached out to pull something from a box before he pushed the paper into Yunho’s chest.
“Read it.” Jaejoong breathed, “You’ll understand.”
Yunho looked at Jaejoong before he glanced down, his eyes skimming across the text of the unfinished letter.
How can I explain?
I’m sorry. I have to take care of my brother. As much as you love me, I know you won’t understand my decision to stay. I’m not doing this for myself - I’m doing this for Jaejoong. If I don’t take care of him, no one else will.
It doesn’t matter what my dreams are, Jaejoong is more important and
The letter ended there, and there were obvious smudges and splotches of ink - most likely caused by tears that had come from Jaejoong’s sister during the time that she’d been writing the letter.
“I ruined her life.” Jaejoong cried, “If I didn’t exist, she wouldn’t have ever been forced to take care of me for the rest of her life. She would’ve been able to do what she wanted, whenever she wanted! I don’t deserve to live my dreams when she never got to live hers -“
Yunho fought back tears, feeling guilt for judging a woman he’d never fully understood. He brushed his tears away and forced Jaejoong to look at him, “She only wanted the best for you.” He softly wiped away Jaejoong’s tears, “You can’t make her sacrifice go to waste.”
Jaejoong stared up at him with wet eyes, and Yunho found the strength to go on.
“You have to go live your dreams - not just so you can be happy, but so you can make her happy as well. I’m sure she would want nothing more than to see you doing what you wanted to do in life.”
Jaejoong buried his face into Yunho’s chest once more, and Yunho sighed softly as he pulled the other man closer. He let the letter in his hand drop to the floor and wrapped his arms around Jaejoong tightly.
“You can be happy too.” He murmured, “She would want you to be.”
o-o-o
Everything was completely packed away and straightened out.
Yunho watched as Jaejoong slowly made his way out of the house, his bag slung over his shoulder and his hand gripping the strap tightly. After a few minutes, Jaejoong finally came out of the house and shut the door behind him before he locked it.
He faced Yunho and sighed softly.
“Do you still love me?” Yunho asked as he held out his hand for Jaejoong to take.
Jaejoong stared at the hand before he took it in his own, “I never stopped.” He whispered before he allowed Yunho to pull him into his arms for a kiss. Yunho cherished the warmth of Jaejoong’s body and reluctantly pulled away, the ocean breeze blowing against their cheeks.
“Are you ready to leave?”
Yunho watched as Jaejoong spared one last glance at the house, his eyes lingering on the only home he’d ever really known. After a few seconds, Jaejoong turned his eyes back to Yunho and nodded.
“I am.”
Yunho pulled Jaejoong close, inhaling the scent of the ocean that lingered on Jaejoong’s hair and skin. It was their time to cherish - an unforgettable memory of them standing close to the still ocean, enjoying the moment of peace and the promise of forever.
Author’s Note: This is a late birthday story for
vicshi! I hope she had a great birthday. ^___^ I hope you guys all like this. I’m sorry my NaNoWriMo story hasn’t been posted yet. D: I’ll try to finish it over the weekend so that I can edit it and such, and then start posting. Lastly, please leave a comment because they are highly appreciated, and thank you for reading! ♥