Defusion - Chapter Four

[lithic_rune]

Title: Defusion
Fandom: Rockman.EXE
Rating: PG
Summary: It was supposed to be a simple experiment. Nothing was supposed to go wrong. Unfortunately, it did, and now Enzan, Netto, Rockman, and Blues are finding out first hand what happens when a dimensional area shatters.
Warnings: The chapter is complete. The story is not. I have no idea how long it

Comments

[toby_chan]

I finally post! >_> This was a really great chapter. I have no major things to really pick at, and you're especially getting better with Enzan's characterization. :D There are a few things I'd like to point out, though.

When you refer to so and so's mama, like "Netto's mama," it's lowercase. However, if Netto is calling Haruka, like "Hi, Mama!" then "mama" becomes uppercased because it acts as a name. Same with "papa."

"I think Ijuuin Enzan must have survived somehow. He was cross fused with his navi when the dimensional area collapsed. Obviously, his brain retains the impression that he is Blues." I know that you mean Enzan thinks he's Blues, but somehow the last sentence is kind of obscure. I think it's the "obviously" that throws me off, and there seems to be a lack of detail as to why Enzan would think that. Maybe if you added something about a possible head injury before the last line, it would be clearer.

That's all I found, though. :D Great job

[moonymonster]

I like! ^^ Not much else to say that I haven't said on AIM, really. So, great job, and I can't wait to see what happens to Rockman and Enzan! (Yeah, yeah, I should be O NOES about Dr. Hikari, but...)

Ya know, it would be a shame if Rockman's wound got infected, though, and he had to go to the hospital...