Wish Upon a Cheating Boy (4/4)
And here is the conclusion....
Wish Upon a Cheating Boy (4/4)
Xander/Cordelia
Femdomme
A/N: Written for "Utopia" prompt at Taming the Muse and
lothy's challenge HERE
When Cordelia's wish is not for Buffy to disappear, but for men and their stupid hormones to not run the world, Anya creates a whole different kind of alternate reality. Cordelia's world already changed, and now it's time to change Xander's whole world
Part one HERE Part two HERE Part three HERE
Cordelia pulled into the parking lot of the school just as the street lights flicked on. Giles would still be in the library, hopefully with Buffy and hopefully without Willow. However, Cordelia didn't count on that. If she had to eat crow and ask them to look out for Xander in front of Willow, she would. She just didn't think Xander was going to want much to do with her, not once that contract went back to his mother and he didn't have to make her happy in order to try and be safe.
Safe. Yeah, she'd done a great job of keeping him safe. She remembered in her own world, Mr. Clark had gone off one day about Stockholm and how people got screwy in the head when they had to rely on a hostage-taker, and Cordelia was fairly sure she had taken Xander hostage. It really wasn't nice realizing you were the villain.
Locking up the car, Cordelia headed for the library, stopping only when she was right outside the doors, small pools of light spilling through the small windows in the doors. She edged closer to the door and listened.
"... not like I didn't deserve it," Xander was saying. What was Xander doing here? Cordelia expected him to be home with his mother, or possibly at the hospital getting his ribs checked because some of those bruises were serious.
"But you didn't. I screwed up, you know it was me, and she shouldn't have taken it out on you. She should have punished me," Willow whined. Cordelia knew her life was screwed up when she agreed with the bitch.
"I believe Cordelia did punish you, Willow," Giles pointed out calmly.
"But... we have to fix this, Giles. I mean, my mom says I'm too young to claim a man, but you're unclaimed, you have to know what to do to fix this."
Cordelia couldn't hear anything right away, but she could imagine Giles pulling his glasses off and cleaning them. "What would you suggest?" he asked.
Part of Cordelia wanted to go in. Part wanted to pull Xander away from Willow, and since she hadn't delivered the contract back to Mistress Harris, she legally could. Most of her, though, just wanted to hide here and wait until Giles came up with a way to fix all this.
"Well..." Willow trailed off for a second. "Cordelia said this was all a wish, couldn't we undo the wish and put everything back the way it's supposed to be?"
Right now, Cordelia was ready to second that suggestion herself.
"Okay, not to be obvious boy, but that would put everything back the way Mistress Cordelia remembers it, which is just slightly completely horrifying," Xander pointed out.
"But you wouldn't be--"
"Mistress Willow," Xander interrupted her, "It's not just about me."
"I hate it when you call me that. I'm just Willow."
A book dropped onto the table in the silence that followed that. "Yes, Willow," Giles said calmly. "I am aware that you have asked Xander to not use your proper title, and when he was unclaimed, he had that choice, but as a claimed man, and as a claimed man whose mistress is not on the best of terms with you, your request is putting him in a difficult situation. I truly do wish you children would think through the consequences of your actions beyond the next five minutes."
Go Giles, Cordelia thought smugly, but then her smile faded as she considered the fact that she was right in there with Willow. Neither of them had thought about the consequences of their actions on Xander.
Giles sighed. "Perhaps we could focus on this matter of this wish and alternate reality. Reversing the wish would certainly improve men's civil rights, an area in which I do believe our world could use some improvement."
"Giles!" Xander gasped, "Cordelia said there were more wars. They had a whole second war with the whole world, and then there was this weirdness she couldn't even explain where they enslaved millions of people just because they were from Africa. I'm thinking my life being in the crapper isn't exactly worth bringing all that back."
"Yeah, but a demon changed the world, that can't be good, can it?" Willow asked.
"Quite frankly, I have no idea." Giles sounded tired, and a chair dragged across the floor. "The Anya in question most likely is Anyanka who is referred to in some literature as a vengeance demon and in other as a justice demon, but while her powers are definitely tied to making unfaithful men miserable, there's no recorded information on whether her wishes extend to damaging others. Many women use her services year after year and seem to incur no ill effects beyond the consequences of the wishes and their ability to make men suffer."
"Suffering, check," Xander agreed.
"Oh, Xander." Willow sounded near tears, and Cordelia edged the door open a little so she could see them. They were sitting around the main table, and they looked so much like her own Xander and Willow and Giles that she couldn't quite wrap her mind around how different they were. And she didn't want to wrap her mind around the fact that she had caused the absolute misery on Xander's face.
"Not like I didn't bring it on myself. I knew she was way too good for me, so I always tried to keep you on a back burner because I figured when she publicly and loudly dumped me, I would still have you. Only, honestly?" Cordelia shifted so she could see Xander who had now leaned forward to rest his elbows on the table. "I didn't really want you, Mistress Willow. I wanted Mistress Cordelia, and because I just now figured that out, she doesn't want me. So, I don't have anything."
"You have me," Willow said as she got up and came around the table, and Cordelia could taste the bile as she leaned against Xander's back.
"Willow, that is highly inappropriate," Giles immediately snapped. Xander just sat leaning forward into the table, his hands in front of him as she plastered herself to his back.
"Let her," he shrugged. "Not like I have a reputation for appropriateness at this point. And Willow, your mom will never contract for me now, so I'm pretty much done. So, Watcher-man, room for one more single male in the Watchers?"
"I… uh, Xander," Giles stammered to a halt.
"Yep, thought so. I guess you Watchers are all trained up to be appropriate and stuff, and it's not like I'm unclaimed since I'm more the big old 'R'. Yep, I'm Xand the Renounced Man. Has a certain ring to it, doesn't it?" The term 'renounced' bounced through Cordelia's memory, teasing out dark corners where thoughts about monsters under the bed and tax audits hid.
Cordelia couldn't do it anymore, she couldn't stand back and let him rip on himself, and if Willow really was all that good for him, she would be saying something, not just clinging to him like a stupid limpet. Then again, if she really cared for him, she wouldn't have put Xander in the middle by kissing him in the first place.
With a deep breath, she pulled on her confidence like a familiar coat and pushed open the doors to the library.
"Cordelia!" Willow gasped as she physically flung herself away from Xander, her face turning red. Xander didn't even twitch as he looked up at her, his eyes flat.
"Mistress Cordelia," he said politely enough.
"Cordelia, how… um, nice to see you here," Giles offered, and Cordelia didn't remember the last time she'd heard Giles so flustered. Usually demons couldn't even get him this upset.
"I wanted to talk to Xander," she said imperiously. Willow looked at Xander, but he just silently stood, picked up his backpack and walked toward her.
"Xander!" Willow called, but Xander didn't even look her way as he kept walking toward the door.
"Here or outside, Mistress Cordelia?" he asked when he came close. Cordelia glanced over toward Giles and Willow.
"Let's talk in the car," she said as she pushed the door. Instead of swinging all the way open, the door stopped after a couple of inches and then slammed back toward her so fast that Cordelia stumbled back, Xander grabbing for her as Spike appeared in the now-open doorway, one boot holding the swinging door open and a smirk on his face.
"Well now, seems like the slayer's left all her little playmates on their own," Spike said as he looked around the room. Xander had pulled a stake out of his backpack and stood with it clutched in front of him, but Spike didn't give him a second glance. Giles pulled a crossbow out and pointed it at the vampire.
"If you leave right now, I won't turn you to dust," Giles said, his voice full of confidence now that he was facing evil monsters and not teenage drama.
Spike made a snorting sound, and Cordelia could smell the alcohol. Great, he was still doing his crazy routine because Drusilla had dumped him. He seriously needed to get over it already. "Won't hit me from that far away, Watcher. But I'd love a chance to shove that bit of wood right up your arse. Right now, though, I came for something else. Slayer cost me my girl, and I figure she owes me one. Lucky thing you've got one to spare."
Cordelia didn't even catch Spike's meaning until he darted forward and grabbed her wrist. Xander tried to stake the vampire, and Spike backhanded him across the floor with his free hand as he yanked Cordelia toward the hall.
"Xander!" Cordelia screamed.
"Get Buffy!" Giles yelled and then Cordelia was over a shoulder as Spike ran down the hall. She could hear footsteps chasing them, but vamp speed was definitely helping Spike. She waited until they'd reached the door and flung her arms out, nearly tripping Spike and making him curse colorfully as he struggled to pull her free. It slowed them down enough that Cordelia could see Xander and his stake racing toward them. Then Spike ripped her free of the door she was clinging to and they were out into the night, dashing down the stairs and toward the Desoto that stood running at the curb, the back door open.
Oh no. Not even. Cordelia kicked as hard as she could, getting a foot on the roof of the car to keep herself from getting shoved into the backseat with a scabby faced minion. The minion grabbed at her ankle, and Cordelia twisted just as Xander reached them. When Cordelia fell to the ground, she lay with the breath knocked out of her as Spike and Xander fought. It ended about the way Cordelia would have predicted it. Xander was bent backwards over the hood, his stake laying on the ground as Spike growled into his face.
"Let him go!" Cordelia cried.
"Cordy, run!" Xander yelled as he tried to bring a knee up between Spike's legs. Spike just picked him up by the throat and pushed him farther up on the hood so that Xander was even more awkwardly pinned.
"Just let him go. I'll get in the car, but you have to let him go," Cordelia quickly said as Spike bent down like he was about to bite Xander.
"Can't say I like his habit of jumping into the middle of my business," Spike snarled.
"Cordy's not your business," Xander snapped, and Spike pulled him up a few inches and then slammed him back down on the car, his head thumping sharply against the metal.
"You lot cost me my girl, and after watching how this one took you in hand, I figure she's a good replacement." Spike tilted his head and looked at Cordelia with a leer that made her scramble to her feet. Spike's minion was there, grabbing her, and then Giles appeared and Cordelia found herself being used as a shield against Giles' crossbow as Spike used Xander for cover.
"Get her in the car!" Spike snarled, and Cordelia found herself getting dragged into the backseat. She grabbed at the edge of the door, and Spike growled. "Do it, and you'll get to see you little pet here bleed out in front of your eyes."
Cordelia looked and Xander was shaking his head, mouthing the word 'run' silently. Cordelia let go of the door and let the minion pull her into the car as Spike went to the driver's side. "We'll be seeing you around, Watcher. Tell the slayer I'm sorry I missed her," he offered as he shoved Xander in and then got in the car himself, pulling away from the curb with a squeal of tires.
In the front, Xander was twisting and cursing, trying to look back at Cordelia, and Spike randomly backhanded him into silence. "Bint in one piece?" Spike asked the minion.
"Yes sir, she's safe," Scabby-face quickly answered.
"Just let Xander go," Cordelia said as she tried to keep her calm. It wasn't easy because the minion was holding both her wrists in one hand and was obviously strong enough to physically overpower her.
"Thought I might keep him around. Once ya wake up, you might want to turn him or keep him as a human pet. I'll leave that up to you," Spike offered with a disturbing cheerfulness. "Unless you annoy me, and then I'm snapping your neck before she ever wakes, understand?" Spike demanded as he pulled Xander close.
"Broken neck, got it," Xander quickly agreed with a desperate look back toward Cordy. "But you really don’t want to turn her."
"Oh?" Spike took a corner fast enough that Cordelia found herself flattened against the minion, and Xander ended up almost laying on Spike. "Seems like just the girl I want. I like a woman who knows how to keep her men in line. After all, she keeps you on a short leash, or at least she did until today. My Dru used ta be like that. I so much as twitched wrong, and she'd have me at her feet in chains for bloody years. This one keeping you on that leash reminded me of what it was like to be held that close, but if Dru doesn't want me, there are other birds in the sky, and you're little lark is a pretty on." Spike glanced into the review mirror and Cordelia glared murder at him. He laughed.
Spike reached over and grabbed Xander's hair making him gasp. "You finally earn the right to walk without a leash, and I'm going to turn your mistress into a beautiful, vicious vampire who will leave you bleeding and crawling at her feet, somethin' poetic in that," Spike offered.
"You got it wrong," Xander quickly said, and Spike growled, but Xander just kept talking. "She only took my contract because she wanted to get Willow back, she told me that today. And she feels bad that I got caught in the middle, but she doesn't want me. She's sending my contract back to my mother with a big old 'Renounced' stamped across the top. If you're looking for someone who will hold on to you, you don't want Cordelia.
"I-" Cordelia started to explain that she hadn't known, hadn't understood what it meant for a man to be renounced, but Xander kept right on talking over her, his voice loud and desperate as he talked without seeming to breathe.
"My mother will never get another contract on me, and I don't have the skills to support myself, so I'm going to end up claimed by some city office that needs good ditch diggers, and I'm not saying I deserve better because I played two women off against each other because I was so scared of my future, but if you want someone who will keep you even when you fuck up, I'm just saying that Mistress Cordelia is not exactly your go-to girl. She's more your toss you out on your ass when you get out of line girl, and you already had one of those."
Cordelia didn't know whether to be more horrified at the Xander's fears for his future laid out all cold in the air or the fact that he was laying them out for Spike. Right now, the whole thing was pretty perfectly horrifying. She slipped her foot out of her shoe and felt around on the floor, trying to be inconspicuous as she fished around with her toes under layers of papers and broken CD's for anything that might be a weapon.
"Bloody, fucking…" Spike muttered.
"But hey, who needs girls," Xander babbled on, his hands clutched around the arm Spike was using to fist Xander's hair. "You seem like you can carry on without a woman, so maybe you don't need one."
"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" Spike demanded, and Cordelia felt something rod-shaped under her toes. She traced it with her foot, trying to look interested in the conversation up front so that the minion didn't figure out what she was doing.
"What you really need is a beta-male, someone you can boss around and keep close," Xander rushed to say. "Like me, for instance. I mean, turn me and as pathetically clingy as I am as a human, I'm sure to be extra-special needy, and then you won't have to worry about being left, and as an added bonus, you get to be the one to decide if there's going to be any leaving."
"You're volunteering to be a vampire?" Spike asked disbelievingly.
"Xander, shut up," Cordelia hissed.
"She's filed the renouncement paperwork by now, so my future's pretty much set from this point on. What am I giving up? A nice future with a special shovel of my choice? Come on, Spike, you know it appeals to you. You could be the one to call the shots. Just let Cordelia go, and you could make me your beta-male just like Angelus turned Drusilla into the fruitcake she is now. You know Dru was always more faithful to Angelus than you, so why not make your own Drusilla?"
Spike pulled the car over to the side, hitting the brakes so hard that Cordelia hit the back of Xander's seat. The minion lost his hold on her, and Cordelia used that moment to grab whatever her foot was on and bring it up. She couldn't get in a good swing in the car, but she still cracked the minion upside the head with the heavy pipe. Blood sprayed against the window, and he growled and lunged forward at her.
From the front seat, Spike reached back and grabbed the minion. "Hey, I don't want her marked yet," he snarled, and Cordelia took the opportunity to swing the pipe at the thing's face. Scabby really fought Spike then, and Xander tumbled out of the car, Cordelia yanked the the back door open and was running after him into the night, and of course Spike had parked in front of a cemetery. Everyone always stopped by cemeteries in this god-awful town.
They had reached the second row of tombstones when Cordelia felt the strong arm around her waist, and she gave a startled scream that made Xander stop and turn.
"Spike!" Xander said as he came a step closer. Cordelia closed her eyes when she felt needle sharp teeth against her neck.
"Xander, run," she ordered softly, not able to get a full lungful of air, either because of how tightly Spike was holding here or because of the fear that squeezed her heart.
"Spike, I meant every word. She renounced me." Xander started unbuttoning his shirt, dropping it on the grass as he stepped forward. Great, now not only did she get to die, but she got to do it looking at the marks on Xander's body that were her fault.
"She found out the guys in gym were beating on me, but rather than even try and defend our contract, she renounced me. Angel talks about how often your plans get all with the failure, so how long before she renounces you? How long before she's more concerned about her reputation or appearances and she drops you for some bigger, badder demon? Hell, maybe she'll pull Angel's soul out again and take him. She wanted to get me away from Willow, so it makes a kind of sense that a vampire her would take someone away from Buffy, and then where would you be?" Xander sounded desperate, his words rushed and breathy as he hugged his own stomach.
The teeth left Cordelia's neck.
"Xander, run," Corelia said desperately. "I'm ordering you to run."
With a laugh that turned into a half sob, Xander shook his head. "Too late, Cordy. You don't get to give me orders anymore. But Spike, you could. Turn me as your beta-male, and I'll be as faithful to you as you were to Dru, isn't that what you want?"
"Xander, he's going to kill you," Cordelia said desperately.
He shrugged. "It's one way to deal with the whole lack of a future thing. And when I rise, tell Buffy that she has my full permission to stake my ass if she can find it. I don't think Spike will want us to stick around."
"You're right 'round the twist, aren't you?" Spike asked, and Cordelia hated the amusement she could hear in the vampire's voice. He was considering it.
"Should make you feel right at home," Xander shrugged. "Just let Cordelia go."
"If she did you that wrong, you're going to want to eat her when you rise," Spike pointed out, and even by the dim light of the half-moon, Cordelia could see Xander shiver.
"Okay, first, distrubo. Second, if I want her then, we can track her down. But right now, if you let her go, the first thing I'll remember when I wake is that you did something just because I asked. It'll make me grateful. Please," Xander added softly.
Cordelia could feel the arm around her waist loosen. "Xander, don't do this. I'd rather die than have you do this for me," she said desperately.
"You'll get over it," Xander shrugged. "You always land on your feet, Queen C."
"Bloody women do, too. That's why they rule the fucking world. The world dumps us arse over teakettle and we stand there looking around like bloody fops. Women just get back up and dump on the world right back," Spike snorted.
"It's a woman thing," Xander agreed. "But that doesn't mean we need them."
Before Cordelia could say anything else, she found herself spinning off toward a tree with enough force that she couldn't stop herself before she hit the tree and bounced to the grass. When she looked up, Spike had Xander in his arms, and Xander was just standing there with his eyes closed.
"Xander!" Cordelia cried out, and his eyes opened but he didn't move as Spike bit down.
"Let him go!" yelled another voice, and Cordelia watched Buffy race across the cemetery, leaping over a hedge to fling herself into Spike and Xander, sending them both crashing to the ground.
"Fucking hell," Spike snarled as he bounced back up to his feet. Xander lay on the ground with his neck smeared with blood. Angel's big old convertible screeched to a stop at the curb behind the Desoto, and the vampire jumped out without opening the door.
"Drama queen," Xander muttered from the ground.
"Bloody fucking no. This hellmouth hates me," Spike cursed before he turned and raced for the far side of the cemetery. Buffy ignored him, dropping to her knees next to Xander as Angel raced up. He spared the fleeing Spike one look before he shoved his hands in his pockets and backed up a nervous step.
"Is he okay?" Cordelia asked as she got weakly up and went to Xander. His neck was red, but the two wounds weren't bleeding any more.
"He'll be fine," Buffy sighed in relief. "How many times have I told you to not get killed?" she asked with mock-outrage as punched his arm.
Xander didn't say anything as he lay on the grass, fingering his neck. Buffy looked at him with a frown and then looked up at Cordelia and Angel in confusion. Angel backed off another step.
"Buffy, can you give us a minute?" Cordelia asked. Xander pushed himself up so he was sitting on the grass.
"I'm not so sure that's a good idea," Buffy said slowly.
"Not your choice. I still hold his contract, and I'm telling you to give us some space. Go sit with Angel at the car or something," she said. Xander's eyes flicked toward her when she said she still held his contract, but Buffy didn't move.
"Buffy, please, just go," Xander said softly, and Buffy looked at him with a sigh, her hand resting on his shoulder as she stood up.
"You two play nice, and by you two, I mean you, Cordelia," she said before she headed back toward Angel's car, Angel silently following her. Cordelia ignored Buffy as she sat carefully in the grass next to Xander.
"You dropped your shirt. Grass stains on silk is not pretty," she said, and then she closed her eyes as she tried to figure out why she'd said that. Stupid. It wasn't like the shirt mattered.
"Xander, you know how you just don't get some of the stuff from my world?" she tried again.
"Like slavery?" Xander asked. "Oh yeah, so not getting that. Skin is skin; why does the color matter?"
Cordelia didn't say anything, but she was starting to feel the same way about these ridiculous laws and contracts and claims when it came to men. Maybe Anya's world wasn't quite as perfect as she had thought at first. "Yeah, like slavery," she just agreed. "But some things here don't make sense to me, either. I thought you would want to go home to your mother because I screwed things up. I wanted you happy. I never wanted to ruin your life." Cordelia paused. "And it's really idiotic that one teenage girl having a bad day can ruin your life. The whole marking a man's contract as renounced is really stupid."
"Stupid, check."
"Are you saying the system is stupid or I am?" Cordelia asked. Xander glanced up toward her and shrugged.
"If I'm getting marked as renounced anyway, I suppose I should have the right to call you stupid at least once," Xander said with a small smile and some of that dry humor Cordelia had missed.
She sniffed. "Maybe once, but only once, and that's only because I so totally am."
The small smile faded from Xander's face. "I should have told you. If you don't renounce me, you're going to have to deal with the social worker now."
"Oh please, a public servant versus my mother's lawyer. That's actually going to be entertaining. Besides, it really was those boys at school who did this." Cordelia reached out and traced the edge of one of his more spectacular bruises. "I didn't understand how they saw the leash. I mean, should have because memories from this world keep slipping in, but I just didn't even think about it. I'm never putting you on that leash again, Xander. Well, not unless you go and get possessed again. If you start flashing green eyes at me and acting like a bigger bitch than me, we may have to reconsider the leash."
Xander outright laughed at that, a weak laugh, but it felt good to hear even that much normalcy. Listening to Xander give up on life had bothered Cordelia more than she wanted to admit.
"No more trips to the zoo for me."
"And no more talking about how your life is over. I got your contract because I care more about you than I should, and watching you pay attention to Willow made me more jealous than I could handle because you two have all this history and I kept waiting for you to remember that you thought I was a bitch and go back to her. I'm not good at feeling vulnerable."
"You thought I'd…" Xander stopped. "Okay, you being afraid of losing me is freakier than Spike kidnapping me twice in one month. Cordy, yeah, I have history with Willow which is what makes her vaguely sister shaped. When my brain isn't swelling with microscope-induced trauma, I would never go for Willow. Willow and me is a picture I really don't want in my mind because it's like me and my cousin Roy. And me and Roy? So not a pretty picture. And I never really thought you were a…"
Cordelia glared at Xander, and he stopped, blushing as he got to his hands and knees and grabbed his shirt, pulling it on and stretching the damp silk all out of shape.
"Okay, I thought you were slightly bitchy, but I never had a problem with that. Heck, when I thought you were out of my league, I was all-ahead on the Buffy-plan, and she's the only girl at Sunnydale whose bitchiness even approaches yours. Take as proof her using me as a stripper pole to make Angel jealous. And really, compared to the substitute teacher who tried to eat me and the mummy girl who tried to suck me dry and hyena girl who got stuck in my head, you're one of the nicer bitches in my life."
"Is that your version of sweet talk?" Cordelia asked as Xander stood and offered her a hand.
"Yep. I'm pure inspiration for the generations that will follow. Hallmark writers stalk me, pen in hand."
"I'm marrying a goof," Cordelia complained as she shook her head. Her hand was still in Xander's so when he stopped, he pulled her to a stop, too.
"You're what?" he just about gasped.
"Oh, please. Just because your mother is too stupid to require a marriage within a year of contract doesn't mean that my mother or I are tacky enough to take advantage of it. I mean, I can't offer you prime husband status, but I'd like you to be first husband."
"First husband. First husband to a Chase. Xander Chase. I can handle that. You are being serious, right? Because if not, you really need to say something now before my brain does that slipping gears thing it does."
"I'm serious," Cordelia said with a smile as she looked at the boy who was willing to die to save her life-the boy who was willing to die even after he thought she'd rejected him. The first thing she had ever been attracted to was Xander's loyalty, and she sure couldn't question his loyalty to her now. "But if you ever try to get yourself killed again, I'm going to make you the sorriest husband in the world, and don't think I can't do it."
"I know you can, Queen C," Xander agreed.
Buffy jumped off the hood of the car where she had been sitting as Cordelia and Xander walked up. "So, are you two okay or do I have to knock heads together?" she asked with a smile.
"Oh please," Cordelia rolled her eyes. "For someone who couldn't even get on the cheer squad, you talk big."
"Okay, you can stop being bitchy any time now," Buffy complained without sounding very upset. "Xander, are you going to let her talk that way to me?" she asked as she opened the passenger side door so Cordelia and Xander could get in back.
"Hey, I'm stupid, but not stupid enough to get between two women. I mean, what kind of idiot gets between two women or sleeps with a woman and then turns on her?" Xander said with a glare at the back of Angel's head, and Cordelia got another of those disconcerting memory/not memories, this time of Angelus in a room with Dru and Darla and both of them pissed at the smirking vampire. "Not that I've slept with Cordelia, because I haven't," Xander suddenly added as he realized what he'd said.
Cordelia shook her head at Xander's blush. "Really. You're under contract, and we plan on getting married, so you can talk about the possibility of us having sex without blushing," she said as Buffy climbed into the front seat.
"No, no I really can't," Xander corrected her.
"Children are often uncomfortable discussing sex," Angel said in a rather nasty stab of his own, but considering Xander had started that verbal war, Cordelia couldn't blame the vampire.
"Right, and the fact that I'm older than the woman you bedded, you calling me a child isn't creepy in the least," Xander shot back with heavy doses of sarcasm. Angel's back stiffened, and Cordelia just smiled at that mutual nastiness as she wondered where they would be if she hadn't made that wish.
"Now boys, play nice," Buffy sighed from the front. "And they call us bitches," Buffy said in a conspiratorial tone to Cordelia.
"Men," Cordelia complained back as she reached over and let her hand rest on Xander's knee. Buffy smiled and turned back to face the front. Yeah, this world wasn't perfect, but she suspected that it was better than the one she'd left behind.
Wish Upon a Cheating Boy (4/4)
Xander/Cordelia
Femdomme
A/N: Written for "Utopia" prompt at Taming the Muse and
lothy's challenge HERE
When Cordelia's wish is not for Buffy to disappear, but for men and their stupid hormones to not run the world, Anya creates a whole different kind of alternate reality. Cordelia's world already changed, and now it's time to change Xander's whole world
Part one HERE Part two HERE Part three HERE
Cordelia pulled into the parking lot of the school just as the street lights flicked on. Giles would still be in the library, hopefully with Buffy and hopefully without Willow. However, Cordelia didn't count on that. If she had to eat crow and ask them to look out for Xander in front of Willow, she would. She just didn't think Xander was going to want much to do with her, not once that contract went back to his mother and he didn't have to make her happy in order to try and be safe.
Safe. Yeah, she'd done a great job of keeping him safe. She remembered in her own world, Mr. Clark had gone off one day about Stockholm and how people got screwy in the head when they had to rely on a hostage-taker, and Cordelia was fairly sure she had taken Xander hostage. It really wasn't nice realizing you were the villain.
Locking up the car, Cordelia headed for the library, stopping only when she was right outside the doors, small pools of light spilling through the small windows in the doors. She edged closer to the door and listened.
"... not like I didn't deserve it," Xander was saying. What was Xander doing here? Cordelia expected him to be home with his mother, or possibly at the hospital getting his ribs checked because some of those bruises were serious.
"But you didn't. I screwed up, you know it was me, and she shouldn't have taken it out on you. She should have punished me," Willow whined. Cordelia knew her life was screwed up when she agreed with the bitch.
"I believe Cordelia did punish you, Willow," Giles pointed out calmly.
"But... we have to fix this, Giles. I mean, my mom says I'm too young to claim a man, but you're unclaimed, you have to know what to do to fix this."
Cordelia couldn't hear anything right away, but she could imagine Giles pulling his glasses off and cleaning them. "What would you suggest?" he asked.
Part of Cordelia wanted to go in. Part wanted to pull Xander away from Willow, and since she hadn't delivered the contract back to Mistress Harris, she legally could. Most of her, though, just wanted to hide here and wait until Giles came up with a way to fix all this.
"Well..." Willow trailed off for a second. "Cordelia said this was all a wish, couldn't we undo the wish and put everything back the way it's supposed to be?"
Right now, Cordelia was ready to second that suggestion herself.
"Okay, not to be obvious boy, but that would put everything back the way Mistress Cordelia remembers it, which is just slightly completely horrifying," Xander pointed out.
"But you wouldn't be--"
"Mistress Willow," Xander interrupted her, "It's not just about me."
"I hate it when you call me that. I'm just Willow."
A book dropped onto the table in the silence that followed that. "Yes, Willow," Giles said calmly. "I am aware that you have asked Xander to not use your proper title, and when he was unclaimed, he had that choice, but as a claimed man, and as a claimed man whose mistress is not on the best of terms with you, your request is putting him in a difficult situation. I truly do wish you children would think through the consequences of your actions beyond the next five minutes."
Go Giles, Cordelia thought smugly, but then her smile faded as she considered the fact that she was right in there with Willow. Neither of them had thought about the consequences of their actions on Xander.
Giles sighed. "Perhaps we could focus on this matter of this wish and alternate reality. Reversing the wish would certainly improve men's civil rights, an area in which I do believe our world could use some improvement."
"Giles!" Xander gasped, "Cordelia said there were more wars. They had a whole second war with the whole world, and then there was this weirdness she couldn't even explain where they enslaved millions of people just because they were from Africa. I'm thinking my life being in the crapper isn't exactly worth bringing all that back."
"Yeah, but a demon changed the world, that can't be good, can it?" Willow asked.
"Quite frankly, I have no idea." Giles sounded tired, and a chair dragged across the floor. "The Anya in question most likely is Anyanka who is referred to in some literature as a vengeance demon and in other as a justice demon, but while her powers are definitely tied to making unfaithful men miserable, there's no recorded information on whether her wishes extend to damaging others. Many women use her services year after year and seem to incur no ill effects beyond the consequences of the wishes and their ability to make men suffer."
"Suffering, check," Xander agreed.
"Oh, Xander." Willow sounded near tears, and Cordelia edged the door open a little so she could see them. They were sitting around the main table, and they looked so much like her own Xander and Willow and Giles that she couldn't quite wrap her mind around how different they were. And she didn't want to wrap her mind around the fact that she had caused the absolute misery on Xander's face.
"Not like I didn't bring it on myself. I knew she was way too good for me, so I always tried to keep you on a back burner because I figured when she publicly and loudly dumped me, I would still have you. Only, honestly?" Cordelia shifted so she could see Xander who had now leaned forward to rest his elbows on the table. "I didn't really want you, Mistress Willow. I wanted Mistress Cordelia, and because I just now figured that out, she doesn't want me. So, I don't have anything."
"You have me," Willow said as she got up and came around the table, and Cordelia could taste the bile as she leaned against Xander's back.
"Willow, that is highly inappropriate," Giles immediately snapped. Xander just sat leaning forward into the table, his hands in front of him as she plastered herself to his back.
"Let her," he shrugged. "Not like I have a reputation for appropriateness at this point. And Willow, your mom will never contract for me now, so I'm pretty much done. So, Watcher-man, room for one more single male in the Watchers?"
"I… uh, Xander," Giles stammered to a halt.
"Yep, thought so. I guess you Watchers are all trained up to be appropriate and stuff, and it's not like I'm unclaimed since I'm more the big old 'R'. Yep, I'm Xand the Renounced Man. Has a certain ring to it, doesn't it?" The term 'renounced' bounced through Cordelia's memory, teasing out dark corners where thoughts about monsters under the bed and tax audits hid.
Cordelia couldn't do it anymore, she couldn't stand back and let him rip on himself, and if Willow really was all that good for him, she would be saying something, not just clinging to him like a stupid limpet. Then again, if she really cared for him, she wouldn't have put Xander in the middle by kissing him in the first place.
With a deep breath, she pulled on her confidence like a familiar coat and pushed open the doors to the library.
"Cordelia!" Willow gasped as she physically flung herself away from Xander, her face turning red. Xander didn't even twitch as he looked up at her, his eyes flat.
"Mistress Cordelia," he said politely enough.
"Cordelia, how… um, nice to see you here," Giles offered, and Cordelia didn't remember the last time she'd heard Giles so flustered. Usually demons couldn't even get him this upset.
"I wanted to talk to Xander," she said imperiously. Willow looked at Xander, but he just silently stood, picked up his backpack and walked toward her.
"Xander!" Willow called, but Xander didn't even look her way as he kept walking toward the door.
"Here or outside, Mistress Cordelia?" he asked when he came close. Cordelia glanced over toward Giles and Willow.
"Let's talk in the car," she said as she pushed the door. Instead of swinging all the way open, the door stopped after a couple of inches and then slammed back toward her so fast that Cordelia stumbled back, Xander grabbing for her as Spike appeared in the now-open doorway, one boot holding the swinging door open and a smirk on his face.
"Well now, seems like the slayer's left all her little playmates on their own," Spike said as he looked around the room. Xander had pulled a stake out of his backpack and stood with it clutched in front of him, but Spike didn't give him a second glance. Giles pulled a crossbow out and pointed it at the vampire.
"If you leave right now, I won't turn you to dust," Giles said, his voice full of confidence now that he was facing evil monsters and not teenage drama.
Spike made a snorting sound, and Cordelia could smell the alcohol. Great, he was still doing his crazy routine because Drusilla had dumped him. He seriously needed to get over it already. "Won't hit me from that far away, Watcher. But I'd love a chance to shove that bit of wood right up your arse. Right now, though, I came for something else. Slayer cost me my girl, and I figure she owes me one. Lucky thing you've got one to spare."
Cordelia didn't even catch Spike's meaning until he darted forward and grabbed her wrist. Xander tried to stake the vampire, and Spike backhanded him across the floor with his free hand as he yanked Cordelia toward the hall.
"Xander!" Cordelia screamed.
"Get Buffy!" Giles yelled and then Cordelia was over a shoulder as Spike ran down the hall. She could hear footsteps chasing them, but vamp speed was definitely helping Spike. She waited until they'd reached the door and flung her arms out, nearly tripping Spike and making him curse colorfully as he struggled to pull her free. It slowed them down enough that Cordelia could see Xander and his stake racing toward them. Then Spike ripped her free of the door she was clinging to and they were out into the night, dashing down the stairs and toward the Desoto that stood running at the curb, the back door open.
Oh no. Not even. Cordelia kicked as hard as she could, getting a foot on the roof of the car to keep herself from getting shoved into the backseat with a scabby faced minion. The minion grabbed at her ankle, and Cordelia twisted just as Xander reached them. When Cordelia fell to the ground, she lay with the breath knocked out of her as Spike and Xander fought. It ended about the way Cordelia would have predicted it. Xander was bent backwards over the hood, his stake laying on the ground as Spike growled into his face.
"Let him go!" Cordelia cried.
"Cordy, run!" Xander yelled as he tried to bring a knee up between Spike's legs. Spike just picked him up by the throat and pushed him farther up on the hood so that Xander was even more awkwardly pinned.
"Just let him go. I'll get in the car, but you have to let him go," Cordelia quickly said as Spike bent down like he was about to bite Xander.
"Can't say I like his habit of jumping into the middle of my business," Spike snarled.
"Cordy's not your business," Xander snapped, and Spike pulled him up a few inches and then slammed him back down on the car, his head thumping sharply against the metal.
"You lot cost me my girl, and after watching how this one took you in hand, I figure she's a good replacement." Spike tilted his head and looked at Cordelia with a leer that made her scramble to her feet. Spike's minion was there, grabbing her, and then Giles appeared and Cordelia found herself being used as a shield against Giles' crossbow as Spike used Xander for cover.
"Get her in the car!" Spike snarled, and Cordelia found herself getting dragged into the backseat. She grabbed at the edge of the door, and Spike growled. "Do it, and you'll get to see you little pet here bleed out in front of your eyes."
Cordelia looked and Xander was shaking his head, mouthing the word 'run' silently. Cordelia let go of the door and let the minion pull her into the car as Spike went to the driver's side. "We'll be seeing you around, Watcher. Tell the slayer I'm sorry I missed her," he offered as he shoved Xander in and then got in the car himself, pulling away from the curb with a squeal of tires.
In the front, Xander was twisting and cursing, trying to look back at Cordelia, and Spike randomly backhanded him into silence. "Bint in one piece?" Spike asked the minion.
"Yes sir, she's safe," Scabby-face quickly answered.
"Just let Xander go," Cordelia said as she tried to keep her calm. It wasn't easy because the minion was holding both her wrists in one hand and was obviously strong enough to physically overpower her.
"Thought I might keep him around. Once ya wake up, you might want to turn him or keep him as a human pet. I'll leave that up to you," Spike offered with a disturbing cheerfulness. "Unless you annoy me, and then I'm snapping your neck before she ever wakes, understand?" Spike demanded as he pulled Xander close.
"Broken neck, got it," Xander quickly agreed with a desperate look back toward Cordy. "But you really don’t want to turn her."
"Oh?" Spike took a corner fast enough that Cordelia found herself flattened against the minion, and Xander ended up almost laying on Spike. "Seems like just the girl I want. I like a woman who knows how to keep her men in line. After all, she keeps you on a short leash, or at least she did until today. My Dru used ta be like that. I so much as twitched wrong, and she'd have me at her feet in chains for bloody years. This one keeping you on that leash reminded me of what it was like to be held that close, but if Dru doesn't want me, there are other birds in the sky, and you're little lark is a pretty on." Spike glanced into the review mirror and Cordelia glared murder at him. He laughed.
Spike reached over and grabbed Xander's hair making him gasp. "You finally earn the right to walk without a leash, and I'm going to turn your mistress into a beautiful, vicious vampire who will leave you bleeding and crawling at her feet, somethin' poetic in that," Spike offered.
"You got it wrong," Xander quickly said, and Spike growled, but Xander just kept talking. "She only took my contract because she wanted to get Willow back, she told me that today. And she feels bad that I got caught in the middle, but she doesn't want me. She's sending my contract back to my mother with a big old 'Renounced' stamped across the top. If you're looking for someone who will hold on to you, you don't want Cordelia.
"I-" Cordelia started to explain that she hadn't known, hadn't understood what it meant for a man to be renounced, but Xander kept right on talking over her, his voice loud and desperate as he talked without seeming to breathe.
"My mother will never get another contract on me, and I don't have the skills to support myself, so I'm going to end up claimed by some city office that needs good ditch diggers, and I'm not saying I deserve better because I played two women off against each other because I was so scared of my future, but if you want someone who will keep you even when you fuck up, I'm just saying that Mistress Cordelia is not exactly your go-to girl. She's more your toss you out on your ass when you get out of line girl, and you already had one of those."
Cordelia didn't know whether to be more horrified at the Xander's fears for his future laid out all cold in the air or the fact that he was laying them out for Spike. Right now, the whole thing was pretty perfectly horrifying. She slipped her foot out of her shoe and felt around on the floor, trying to be inconspicuous as she fished around with her toes under layers of papers and broken CD's for anything that might be a weapon.
"Bloody, fucking…" Spike muttered.
"But hey, who needs girls," Xander babbled on, his hands clutched around the arm Spike was using to fist Xander's hair. "You seem like you can carry on without a woman, so maybe you don't need one."
"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" Spike demanded, and Cordelia felt something rod-shaped under her toes. She traced it with her foot, trying to look interested in the conversation up front so that the minion didn't figure out what she was doing.
"What you really need is a beta-male, someone you can boss around and keep close," Xander rushed to say. "Like me, for instance. I mean, turn me and as pathetically clingy as I am as a human, I'm sure to be extra-special needy, and then you won't have to worry about being left, and as an added bonus, you get to be the one to decide if there's going to be any leaving."
"You're volunteering to be a vampire?" Spike asked disbelievingly.
"Xander, shut up," Cordelia hissed.
"She's filed the renouncement paperwork by now, so my future's pretty much set from this point on. What am I giving up? A nice future with a special shovel of my choice? Come on, Spike, you know it appeals to you. You could be the one to call the shots. Just let Cordelia go, and you could make me your beta-male just like Angelus turned Drusilla into the fruitcake she is now. You know Dru was always more faithful to Angelus than you, so why not make your own Drusilla?"
Spike pulled the car over to the side, hitting the brakes so hard that Cordelia hit the back of Xander's seat. The minion lost his hold on her, and Cordelia used that moment to grab whatever her foot was on and bring it up. She couldn't get in a good swing in the car, but she still cracked the minion upside the head with the heavy pipe. Blood sprayed against the window, and he growled and lunged forward at her.
From the front seat, Spike reached back and grabbed the minion. "Hey, I don't want her marked yet," he snarled, and Cordelia took the opportunity to swing the pipe at the thing's face. Scabby really fought Spike then, and Xander tumbled out of the car, Cordelia yanked the the back door open and was running after him into the night, and of course Spike had parked in front of a cemetery. Everyone always stopped by cemeteries in this god-awful town.
They had reached the second row of tombstones when Cordelia felt the strong arm around her waist, and she gave a startled scream that made Xander stop and turn.
"Spike!" Xander said as he came a step closer. Cordelia closed her eyes when she felt needle sharp teeth against her neck.
"Xander, run," she ordered softly, not able to get a full lungful of air, either because of how tightly Spike was holding here or because of the fear that squeezed her heart.
"Spike, I meant every word. She renounced me." Xander started unbuttoning his shirt, dropping it on the grass as he stepped forward. Great, now not only did she get to die, but she got to do it looking at the marks on Xander's body that were her fault.
"She found out the guys in gym were beating on me, but rather than even try and defend our contract, she renounced me. Angel talks about how often your plans get all with the failure, so how long before she renounces you? How long before she's more concerned about her reputation or appearances and she drops you for some bigger, badder demon? Hell, maybe she'll pull Angel's soul out again and take him. She wanted to get me away from Willow, so it makes a kind of sense that a vampire her would take someone away from Buffy, and then where would you be?" Xander sounded desperate, his words rushed and breathy as he hugged his own stomach.
The teeth left Cordelia's neck.
"Xander, run," Corelia said desperately. "I'm ordering you to run."
With a laugh that turned into a half sob, Xander shook his head. "Too late, Cordy. You don't get to give me orders anymore. But Spike, you could. Turn me as your beta-male, and I'll be as faithful to you as you were to Dru, isn't that what you want?"
"Xander, he's going to kill you," Cordelia said desperately.
He shrugged. "It's one way to deal with the whole lack of a future thing. And when I rise, tell Buffy that she has my full permission to stake my ass if she can find it. I don't think Spike will want us to stick around."
"You're right 'round the twist, aren't you?" Spike asked, and Cordelia hated the amusement she could hear in the vampire's voice. He was considering it.
"Should make you feel right at home," Xander shrugged. "Just let Cordelia go."
"If she did you that wrong, you're going to want to eat her when you rise," Spike pointed out, and even by the dim light of the half-moon, Cordelia could see Xander shiver.
"Okay, first, distrubo. Second, if I want her then, we can track her down. But right now, if you let her go, the first thing I'll remember when I wake is that you did something just because I asked. It'll make me grateful. Please," Xander added softly.
Cordelia could feel the arm around her waist loosen. "Xander, don't do this. I'd rather die than have you do this for me," she said desperately.
"You'll get over it," Xander shrugged. "You always land on your feet, Queen C."
"Bloody women do, too. That's why they rule the fucking world. The world dumps us arse over teakettle and we stand there looking around like bloody fops. Women just get back up and dump on the world right back," Spike snorted.
"It's a woman thing," Xander agreed. "But that doesn't mean we need them."
Before Cordelia could say anything else, she found herself spinning off toward a tree with enough force that she couldn't stop herself before she hit the tree and bounced to the grass. When she looked up, Spike had Xander in his arms, and Xander was just standing there with his eyes closed.
"Xander!" Cordelia cried out, and his eyes opened but he didn't move as Spike bit down.
"Let him go!" yelled another voice, and Cordelia watched Buffy race across the cemetery, leaping over a hedge to fling herself into Spike and Xander, sending them both crashing to the ground.
"Fucking hell," Spike snarled as he bounced back up to his feet. Xander lay on the ground with his neck smeared with blood. Angel's big old convertible screeched to a stop at the curb behind the Desoto, and the vampire jumped out without opening the door.
"Drama queen," Xander muttered from the ground.
"Bloody fucking no. This hellmouth hates me," Spike cursed before he turned and raced for the far side of the cemetery. Buffy ignored him, dropping to her knees next to Xander as Angel raced up. He spared the fleeing Spike one look before he shoved his hands in his pockets and backed up a nervous step.
"Is he okay?" Cordelia asked as she got weakly up and went to Xander. His neck was red, but the two wounds weren't bleeding any more.
"He'll be fine," Buffy sighed in relief. "How many times have I told you to not get killed?" she asked with mock-outrage as punched his arm.
Xander didn't say anything as he lay on the grass, fingering his neck. Buffy looked at him with a frown and then looked up at Cordelia and Angel in confusion. Angel backed off another step.
"Buffy, can you give us a minute?" Cordelia asked. Xander pushed himself up so he was sitting on the grass.
"I'm not so sure that's a good idea," Buffy said slowly.
"Not your choice. I still hold his contract, and I'm telling you to give us some space. Go sit with Angel at the car or something," she said. Xander's eyes flicked toward her when she said she still held his contract, but Buffy didn't move.
"Buffy, please, just go," Xander said softly, and Buffy looked at him with a sigh, her hand resting on his shoulder as she stood up.
"You two play nice, and by you two, I mean you, Cordelia," she said before she headed back toward Angel's car, Angel silently following her. Cordelia ignored Buffy as she sat carefully in the grass next to Xander.
"You dropped your shirt. Grass stains on silk is not pretty," she said, and then she closed her eyes as she tried to figure out why she'd said that. Stupid. It wasn't like the shirt mattered.
"Xander, you know how you just don't get some of the stuff from my world?" she tried again.
"Like slavery?" Xander asked. "Oh yeah, so not getting that. Skin is skin; why does the color matter?"
Cordelia didn't say anything, but she was starting to feel the same way about these ridiculous laws and contracts and claims when it came to men. Maybe Anya's world wasn't quite as perfect as she had thought at first. "Yeah, like slavery," she just agreed. "But some things here don't make sense to me, either. I thought you would want to go home to your mother because I screwed things up. I wanted you happy. I never wanted to ruin your life." Cordelia paused. "And it's really idiotic that one teenage girl having a bad day can ruin your life. The whole marking a man's contract as renounced is really stupid."
"Stupid, check."
"Are you saying the system is stupid or I am?" Cordelia asked. Xander glanced up toward her and shrugged.
"If I'm getting marked as renounced anyway, I suppose I should have the right to call you stupid at least once," Xander said with a small smile and some of that dry humor Cordelia had missed.
She sniffed. "Maybe once, but only once, and that's only because I so totally am."
The small smile faded from Xander's face. "I should have told you. If you don't renounce me, you're going to have to deal with the social worker now."
"Oh please, a public servant versus my mother's lawyer. That's actually going to be entertaining. Besides, it really was those boys at school who did this." Cordelia reached out and traced the edge of one of his more spectacular bruises. "I didn't understand how they saw the leash. I mean, should have because memories from this world keep slipping in, but I just didn't even think about it. I'm never putting you on that leash again, Xander. Well, not unless you go and get possessed again. If you start flashing green eyes at me and acting like a bigger bitch than me, we may have to reconsider the leash."
Xander outright laughed at that, a weak laugh, but it felt good to hear even that much normalcy. Listening to Xander give up on life had bothered Cordelia more than she wanted to admit.
"No more trips to the zoo for me."
"And no more talking about how your life is over. I got your contract because I care more about you than I should, and watching you pay attention to Willow made me more jealous than I could handle because you two have all this history and I kept waiting for you to remember that you thought I was a bitch and go back to her. I'm not good at feeling vulnerable."
"You thought I'd…" Xander stopped. "Okay, you being afraid of losing me is freakier than Spike kidnapping me twice in one month. Cordy, yeah, I have history with Willow which is what makes her vaguely sister shaped. When my brain isn't swelling with microscope-induced trauma, I would never go for Willow. Willow and me is a picture I really don't want in my mind because it's like me and my cousin Roy. And me and Roy? So not a pretty picture. And I never really thought you were a…"
Cordelia glared at Xander, and he stopped, blushing as he got to his hands and knees and grabbed his shirt, pulling it on and stretching the damp silk all out of shape.
"Okay, I thought you were slightly bitchy, but I never had a problem with that. Heck, when I thought you were out of my league, I was all-ahead on the Buffy-plan, and she's the only girl at Sunnydale whose bitchiness even approaches yours. Take as proof her using me as a stripper pole to make Angel jealous. And really, compared to the substitute teacher who tried to eat me and the mummy girl who tried to suck me dry and hyena girl who got stuck in my head, you're one of the nicer bitches in my life."
"Is that your version of sweet talk?" Cordelia asked as Xander stood and offered her a hand.
"Yep. I'm pure inspiration for the generations that will follow. Hallmark writers stalk me, pen in hand."
"I'm marrying a goof," Cordelia complained as she shook her head. Her hand was still in Xander's so when he stopped, he pulled her to a stop, too.
"You're what?" he just about gasped.
"Oh, please. Just because your mother is too stupid to require a marriage within a year of contract doesn't mean that my mother or I are tacky enough to take advantage of it. I mean, I can't offer you prime husband status, but I'd like you to be first husband."
"First husband. First husband to a Chase. Xander Chase. I can handle that. You are being serious, right? Because if not, you really need to say something now before my brain does that slipping gears thing it does."
"I'm serious," Cordelia said with a smile as she looked at the boy who was willing to die to save her life-the boy who was willing to die even after he thought she'd rejected him. The first thing she had ever been attracted to was Xander's loyalty, and she sure couldn't question his loyalty to her now. "But if you ever try to get yourself killed again, I'm going to make you the sorriest husband in the world, and don't think I can't do it."
"I know you can, Queen C," Xander agreed.
Buffy jumped off the hood of the car where she had been sitting as Cordelia and Xander walked up. "So, are you two okay or do I have to knock heads together?" she asked with a smile.
"Oh please," Cordelia rolled her eyes. "For someone who couldn't even get on the cheer squad, you talk big."
"Okay, you can stop being bitchy any time now," Buffy complained without sounding very upset. "Xander, are you going to let her talk that way to me?" she asked as she opened the passenger side door so Cordelia and Xander could get in back.
"Hey, I'm stupid, but not stupid enough to get between two women. I mean, what kind of idiot gets between two women or sleeps with a woman and then turns on her?" Xander said with a glare at the back of Angel's head, and Cordelia got another of those disconcerting memory/not memories, this time of Angelus in a room with Dru and Darla and both of them pissed at the smirking vampire. "Not that I've slept with Cordelia, because I haven't," Xander suddenly added as he realized what he'd said.
Cordelia shook her head at Xander's blush. "Really. You're under contract, and we plan on getting married, so you can talk about the possibility of us having sex without blushing," she said as Buffy climbed into the front seat.
"No, no I really can't," Xander corrected her.
"Children are often uncomfortable discussing sex," Angel said in a rather nasty stab of his own, but considering Xander had started that verbal war, Cordelia couldn't blame the vampire.
"Right, and the fact that I'm older than the woman you bedded, you calling me a child isn't creepy in the least," Xander shot back with heavy doses of sarcasm. Angel's back stiffened, and Cordelia just smiled at that mutual nastiness as she wondered where they would be if she hadn't made that wish.
"Now boys, play nice," Buffy sighed from the front. "And they call us bitches," Buffy said in a conspiratorial tone to Cordelia.
"Men," Cordelia complained back as she reached over and let her hand rest on Xander's knee. Buffy smiled and turned back to face the front. Yeah, this world wasn't perfect, but she suspected that it was better than the one she'd left behind.