THIS! OMG, exactly how I feel. I am fucking 27 and I cannot be creative because I have to be a responsible adult who has to think about money, bills and retirement. I know it should be possible to be my former self after hours, but sometimes real life problems drain all the energy out of me and I am too tired to enjoy little things
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It's so helpful to know that it's not just me. And like, I think I COULD be a creative adult who is totally herself but it's so scary - like, okay. Look at Kathy Griffin and Chelsea Handler - you EXPECT them to be honest and opinionated and offensive, and you even PAY THEM TO BE. It is my fucking dream job. I feel like I could follow in those footsteps but in order to do it you really have to go balls to the wall with it. And if it doesn't work, you're totally fucked. Because you've damaged your reputation when it comes to other careers. Like, it's so fucking scary. I suppose at least with photography I get to work for myself and do what I love but I'm also freaked out that I won't be able to sustain on it (plus I hate hate HATE the business side of it, pricing and waivers/releases and shit, SO FUCKING NOT INTERESTED AT ALL) and then we have another example of the whole "possibility never hurts" issue. IDEK
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Being an adult *sucks*. There's no way around it. Because the alternative is to remain immature....and that's no way to live, either.
It doesn't mean you have to be joyless - but the trick is having to fit that in and around adult responsibilities that often are no fun at all. The things that, when you were a kid, or a student, were someone else's responsibility, and you could just go la la la I don't seeeeee youuuuu.
I have no advice on how it's done - I never was able to figure that part out when I *was* a kid.
I just look at how House turned out and am afraid to hope for the best. I think that bullshit has internally affected me way more than I realize, and who knows if I'll ever deal with it properly.Me, too. And I look at it, and myself, and think - why on *earth* should this affect me so much? It's a freaking TV SHOW. What's the point of getting worked up about it at all?? Except....I'm wired to live my life in stories. So many people in my life live without caring about stories at all - and as a result
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I wouldn't even say I'm completely joyless, it's just... different. It gets so hidden under all of the other crap. And House - omg me too! I'm pissed that it even affects me this much! And I have this constant craving for some epic story, I used to live through it (and through them) but now it's like... I have to look to real life for it and it's just not here right now (or ever, I don't even know). I think that's a large part of my crash to reality, tbh. Before, I could deal with stupid shit because I always had something to escape into afterward and I don't really have that anymore. And it wasn't just the show!outlet that I lost - I lost the related art/photoshop and editing outlets as well.
Before, I could deal with stupid shit because I always had something to escape into afterward and I don't really have that anymore. And it wasn't just the show!outlet that I lost - I lost the related art/photoshop and editing outlets as well. HOLY SHIT I'm frantically finishing report cards so I can't comment on this in any detail right now but I WILL BE BACK because I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS SO MUCH RECENTLY.
ME TOO ME TOO. fuck so much to say. SOLIDARITY NOW, articulation later. ♥ ♥
i have nothing particularly constructive to add other than that i have been reading your journal for almost four years, and your growth in those years is incredible. you're maturity level is amazing, and i think you just feel torn because PEOPLE SUCK and when they become grown-ups they stop being creative, and wonderful, and really, they stop living because they're so obsessed with fucking responsibility and it crushes them. but it will not crush you. you may struggle with it, but you will not let it defeat you.
again, not helpful but oh my goddddddddddd house. :( :( :( it's like when the fucking x-files became a trainwreck but worse. i can't deal. you just need a new narrative to live through. (so do i)
This is the absolute sweetest. Lately I've been feeling like people don't really read much anymore, either because I don't talk about House all the time (or at all, lol) anymore and also because people got busy/left for tumblr. So it just makes me really happy to hear all of that. And I think you hit the nail on the head - I just feel left behind in a lot of ways; All my friends are getting boring, permanent jobs, or getting married, and I miss us all being young and here. People try to tell me that change is a good thing but sometimes I feel like the only people who say that are people who are unhappy with something. Like last year and the year before were fucking perfect for me and my life and now it's like everything is completely different. I don't know. I know I'll get through it but it's been going on for months and I've never really struggled like this before. Thanks for reading and thank you SO much for your support
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Being an adult *sucks*. There's no way around it. Because the alternative is to remain immature....and that's no way to live, either.
It doesn't mean you have to be joyless - but the trick is having to fit that in and around adult responsibilities that often are no fun at all. The things that, when you were a kid, or a student, were someone else's responsibility, and you could just go la la la I don't seeeeee youuuuu.
I have no advice on how it's done - I never was able to figure that part out when I *was* a kid.
I just look at how House turned out and am afraid to hope for the best. I think that bullshit has internally affected me way more than I realize, and who knows if I'll ever deal with it properly.Me, too. And I look at it, and myself, and think - why on *earth* should this affect me so much? It's a freaking TV SHOW. What's the point of getting worked up about it at all?? Except....I'm wired to live my life in stories. So many people in my life live without caring about stories at all - and as a result ( ... )
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HOLY SHIT
I'm frantically finishing report cards so I can't comment on this in any detail right now but I WILL BE BACK because I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS SO MUCH RECENTLY.
ME TOO ME TOO.
fuck so much to say.
SOLIDARITY NOW, articulation later. ♥ ♥
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again, not helpful but oh my goddddddddddd house. :( :( :( it's like when the fucking x-files became a trainwreck but worse. i can't deal. you just need a new narrative to live through. (so do i)
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