My Life As A Fanfic (Or Shoujo Manga?)

[link_worshiper]

Well, yesterday I came home from the psych ward after staying there for about two weeks. I am still struggling with Deeper Bullshit from all sides, but I do kind of feel better. I think

Comments

[natea21]

*hugs* I'm glad you took the advice and went to get help!!! Go you, it took a lot of strength to do that. Get yourself sorted first, take some time and figure things out. Everything else will fall into place if it's meant to be.

like you said, it's probably shaken him up to realise how deep seated your issues can be and the fact that he's talking to you now is a great sign.

*hug*

[link_worshiper]

Yeah, I hope so. Really hurts. Like I literally just went to lay down and my chest hurt so bad from heartache, I got up to distract myself because I couldn't stand it :( This morning I was really pissed off at him, and now I'm sad and missing him. Which I guess is good, because I don't want to be angry with him and I don't want to push him away, but it still really sucks.

He's not talking to me now, but he did tell a friend that he is purposefully hanging back. I'm trying to ignore Facebook because honestly just seeing him happily post, post, post like his life is fine makes it worse :|

[rurounitriv]

From some of the stuff you have said about your relationship with him, I suspect that he could use a nice stay in a psych hospital himself.

I'm glad you had the guts to admit that you were in trouble and take the actions that you needed to in order to get your head straightened out, and that you didn't do anything stupid! Be well, and do what you need to do to get better. You are a wonderful person who deserves the best!

[link_worshiper]

Oh hohoho, the comment was definitely tossed around our unit in most discussions about him. He is a bit of an avoider, which seems to be the key problem here. The friend of mine that he spoke to on the phone said that he's pretty sure he's figured out that he's fucked up and needs to do some work on his own. I know the best thing I can do right now is be awesome and not give two flying shits about him, but it's tough when you still actually care and worry and wonder if he's working to make himself better.

I think the stay in the psych ward was a long time coming and I almost feel guilty that I didn't go sooner. Anyone who has read my journal even when I was a giant fandom tool should know that this crap is stuff I've struggled with. And that's through the internet; it amazes me that he was missing my rousing choruses of the Beatles song 'Help!' when we saw each other on a daily basis practically. Thanks for your support though. It is nice to know that when the real world is scary, I can still crawl back into the Internet where it is

[rurounitriv]

It can be really easy to miss the obvious when you're hip-deep in alligators of your own, especially when you're an avoider. Not that I'm trying to excuse him, just saying.

And the fact that you're working on yourself doesn't mean that you have to stop caring about him - it just means that you need to figure out how (or if!) you're willing to let him be in your life from here on out. It may be that you decide that his fucked-upness feeds into your fucked-upness in a bad way and that you can't be around him anymore, or it may be that you and he can work on your mutual fucked-upness together if he's willing to do his damn share of the work. You sure as hell can't do his work and your own any more, and I'm glad that you're ready to do what you need to do in order to get your work done.

Of course you're feeling guilty about not going sooner. Feeling guilty seems to be a pretty big part of what you need to work on. You can't be all things to all people, and it's not your job to be. Your job is to be the best you can be.

[link_worshiper]

That is true. I am not exactly grudging him his emotions or his need to work on himself... it's just frustrating how it's all falling together. Sometimes I get really angry at him when I think about it like that and wonder why he can't just tackle this crap head on? But I guess that's just my way, really. I'm pretty fast to whip things into shape once I realize what's wrong. The friend of mine that apparently had a long ass conversation with him about all this mess said that most of his vanishing like this has to do with him being terrified of upsetting me more. Not that it's an excuse for him not wanting to talk about serious stuff, which is kind of what was making me so anxious that he was becoming distant, but it is kind of nice to know that it was coming more from a place where he was worried about my wellbeing and not because he was just over and done with me. I just hope he's doing a lot of self-reflection on how he contributed to the mess

[link_worshiper]

Thanks, buddy! I really want things to work out with this one, even though it sounds kind of fucked up to say so. It seems like there is a lot of hurt and confusion everywhere, but still a lot of caring -- or so I've been told. I just hope he's doing some self-reflection too. Not that it changes what I'm doing for me, but I still worry about him anyway D:

[arielhime]

*hugs tightly* Stay strong you super strong heroine girl!

Keep it up because it takes a lot of guts and courage to take that step to getting help. I'm proud of you.

*hugs tightly* Loves ya lots.

[link_worshiper]

Thanks D: I'm trying hard to keep my head above water. I know that no matter what happens, I'll be okay, but I hate worrying that he is sabotaging something really good. I just... despite the aim to better my own mental health... I can't help but worry about him. Stupid love is lame and annoying and the fanfics made it sound better D:

[slicchic]

Good gracious woman! I hope things are starting to get a little better, this sounds like total mega bummersauce :C

[link_worshiper]

Super bummersauce. It's... kind of okay, I guess. I'm impatient and I hate not having him around. I know a change is gonna come, but still :|