Win/Win Situation, An SG-1 fic for Masturbation Month
Title: Win/Win Situation
Fandom: SG-1
Pairing: Jack/Daniel
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 1900
Warning: Aliens don't make them do it, but they do provide a convienent excuse.
Summary: The first indication Jack had that everything wasn’t quite kosher was when all the men began to strip.
Note: An offering for Masturbation Month. Posted to jackslashdaniel just under the wire and here a little late.
Win/Win Situation
“Daniel how is it that we always show up during some sort of..,” Jack paused to wave his arms expansively at the brightly colored tents surrounding them, “…festival?”
“We don’t. I usually just ask if they’d mind doing something special to entertain you,” Daniel informed him distractedly while studying something spherical at a nearby stall.
“Really?” Jack asked, sounding ridiculously pleased with the idea.
Daniel frowned at Jack over the top of his glasses in response before putting the object down.
“Yeah, okay. So it’s just some cosmic coincidence?” Jack gently bumped his shoulder against Daniel.
“I suppose so Jack. It’s a big universe. Most ancient earth cultures based their festivals around a celestial or lunar calendar. We tend to avoid planets during harsh seasons for safety reasons. That probably increases our chances of arriving during some ceremony or celebration - longest day of the year, harvest, planting, first day of spring, fertility rituals…”
“Hold on there professor, back that up. This isn’t a fertility ritual is it? Cause I don’t really want to explain to Hammond how you knocked up Carter…or Teal’c.”
“Jack does this look like a ritual to you?” Daniel asked, mimicking Jack’s earlier arm waving.
“It looks like a county fair actually.” Jack was eyeing some sort of meat on a stick speculatively.
“That’s what it is, more or less. It’s a month long gathering of all the local villages both to exchange news and to sell wares. There are also contests, games, and other entertainment.”
“Is there a pie eating contest?” Jack looked around hopefully.
“There’s an epihad eating contest.” The smirk on Daniel’s face convinced Jack that whatever epihad was, he probably didn’t want to eat it.
“Maybe we’ll just forgo the hands-on approach this time around.” Jack decided quickly.
“Too late. Sam’s already involved in something over there.” Daniel pointed to one of the larger tents where Sam was feverishly working on something box-shaped that Jack couldn’t identify. It was roughly half as tall and three times as wide as the woman building it. Sam was giving it as much attention as she would a tricky upgrade to the dialing computer.
“What’s she doing?” he asked tilting his head and squinting as if hoping that might make the object more identifiable.
“Building a better mousetrap.”
“No really. What’s she doing?”
“Building a better mousetrap. Or, more accurately, an epihad trap.” When Jack gave him a looked of horror mixed with confusion he elaborated. “It’s a large rodent native to the plains. Apparently they chew through the food storage huts during the winter and can easily consume the rations of an entire village if left unchecked.”
Jack continued to stare at the enormous box Sam was tinkering with and asked with feigned nonchalance, “So, these epihads, they’re only a problem in the winter?”
Daniel rolled his eyes, but his smile was all affectionate tolerance. “The warm weather sends them back to their mating grounds on the plains. You’re perfectly safe. No need to arm yourself.”
Jack was unconsciously stroking the gun strapped low on his thigh and jerked his hand back sheepishly. He puffed his chest out and raised his chin so he could look down his nose at Daniel while haughtily declaring, “I wasn’t worried Daniel. I was considering the value of hunting one down for some of your…flora and fauna…people to study.”
“My flora and fauna…”
“…people, yes.”
Daniel opened his mouth to respond, reconsidered and pointed behind Jack. “Look, Teal’c has found something to join in too.”
“Hey, T!” Jack shouted as they meandered toward the Jaffa. “Whatcha doin’?”
“O’Neill,” Teal’c greeted. “I have been asked to participate in some sort of contest. I believe it is a test of strength.”
Daniel turned from the conversation he’d been having with one of the locals. Jack couldn’t remember the guy’s name. Nutmeg? Something like that.
“According to Nemung it’s a test of endurance. I don’t quite understand the details. There are some words that don’t seem to translate.”
“Endurance - I’ve got plenty of that,” Jack announced. “Come on Daniel. Let’s show the locals what the SG-1 boys are made of.”
Daniel shrugged. “Why not?”
The three men meandered over to a large field where a crowd was gathered. Noticing that the men and women were forming lines facing each other, they joined the end of the men’s line. As they arrived each man was given a goblet. After watching the native men drink theirs and checking that none of them were dropping like flies, Jack drank his down too.
“Not bad,” he commented. “Tastes a bit like an amaretto sour.” So far this was ranking up there with hockey and fishing as the Best Sport Ever.
The first indication Jack had that everything wasn’t quite kosher was when all the men began to strip. Alarmed, Jack swiftly threat assessed the nearest dozen or so men. Next to him, Teal’c paused only for a second before following suit.
“What are you doing?” Jack hissed frantically at his teammate.
“I am participating in the contest as agreed.”
“Without your pants? What kind of contest requires no pants?”
“I think we’re about to find out,” Daniel answered from his other side. Jack spun around to deliver a scathingly witty retort. The words died on his lips as he came face to…well, not face with one very naked Dr. Daniel Jackson.
“Daniel,” Jack breathed. He immediately regretted even that small sound when he felt a telltale tightening of his pants. There was no way Daniel could miss it, so Jack’s only hope was that all the naked men surrounding him would be a distraction to the archeologist. Of course if Daniel were distracted by naked men then Jack wouldn’t feel the need to hide his condition…
This crazy train of thought jumped tracks when his eyes dropped (totally against his brain’s orders) down to Daniel’s own impressive erection. Before he could say anything that he may or may not have regretted later, he noticed that Daniel was looking past him to Teal’c. Unreasonable jealousy temporarily overrode Jack’s better judgment, and he began undressing before he was even aware of his actions.
“It appears that this endurance contest is one of a sexual nature,” Daniel’s voice was unnaturally calm given the circumstances. Maybe communal living on Abydos had taken away his sense of modesty. Jack vowed to ask about that at the first available opportunity. Belatedly he realized that all of the naked men around him were also…standing at attention, as it were.
Forcing himself to look only at Daniel’s face, he intelligently asked, “Ya think?”
Daniel smiled patiently at his team leader and walked past him to converse with Nemung. Jack allowed himself the simple pleasure of watching his linguist’s ass as the foreign words washed over him.
“Jack,” Daniel called over his shoulder. Jack looked up quickly and put on his most innocent I-was-not-checking-out-your-ass face. Daniel’s sly smile suggested he wasn’t completely successful. Some part of Jack’s brain noted that the other man seemed amused but not disgusted and filed the information away for future reference.
“Daniel,” he answered in the time-honored fashion.
“The drink was something called Erweckev. It’s meant to prepare us for the contest. The object is to see who can…umm…” Daniel made an obscene jerking gesture with his right hand that was well known to twelve year old boys the universe over, “…last longest.”
“You mean they want us to…” Jack repeated Daniel’s hand motion. “…in front of everyone?”
Daniel nodded and went back to his place in line. “The women are here to try to speed things up. No touching is allowed, but the contestants can use any other method to try to...win.”
Jack shook his head to clear those images. “I vote we sit this one out.”
“Jack.”
“Daniel.”
“Come on Jack. We’ve already agreed to this by accepting the Erweckev. Besides I thought you wanted to ‘show the locals what the SG-1 boys are made of.” Jack deflated slightly at that.
“Sure, listen to me now. This isn’t exactly what I had in mind, you know.”
“Shy, Jack? Or just afraid of losing.” Daniel placed a steady hand on his cock and gave an experimental stroke as he spoke, and for the second time in the past few minutes stole away Jack’s retort.
“Oh, it’s on Dr. Jackson. You’re going down.”
Daniel’s hand stilled as he cocked an eyebrow at that. “In your dreams, Jack.”
Jack just grinned before licking his palm and taking matters in hand, literally. He let sense memory take over as he gently squeezed and stroked himself, allowing his mind to focus fully on the fantasy playing out before him.
Daniel’s fingers rubbed almost daintily at the precum already gathering at the tip of his penis. He curled his hand around his rigid cock and met Jack’s eyes directly before setting a quick pace. He cast a brief glance down at Jack’s slower strokes and smirked in a clear challenge. Jack smirked back and matched Daniel’s speed.
Daniel brought a finger to his mouth and slowly pushed it into his mouth. Bastard, Jack thought as the younger man swirled his tongue seductively over the tip. Jack’s attention was riveted to that moist digit as it stroked itself back and forth over a hardening nipple.
Fearing for his chances of outlasting Daniel, and desperate to turn the tables, Jack dropped to his knees. He allowed the motion to bring him closer to Daniel and deliberately leaned forward so that his heavy breathing pushed warm air across the other man’s cock.
Daniel whimpered and fell to his knees mere inches from where Jack had landed. Jack noted the flushed checks and dilated pupils and felt a flash of triumph. Daniel was close. So sure was he of his victory that Jack made the mistake of looking down. At the sight of the head of Daniel’s cock appearing and disappearing from his fist, Jack felt his balls tighten in anticipation of release.
To hell with it, Jack thought and lurched forward to assault Daniel’s mouth with his own. As Daniel opened for his questing tongue, he felt the other man’s seed splash his stomach. The warm sensation coupled with a soft moan of Jack against his lips pushed him over the edge and the world blacked out.
Two moist towels, one rules explanation, and twenty minutes later Jack found himself in front of the stargate with his team surrounding him.
“Teal’c won when we were disqualified for illegal touching,” Daniel was explaining to a giggling Major Carter. Jack was vaguely aware that he should be embarrassed, but the warm post coital glow seemed to be preventing it. Daniel was hot for him. Who cared if the rest of the team knew the feeling was mutual?
“It is unfortunate that I had to win in such a manner, Daniel Jackson,” Teal’c said gravely from somewhere behind his humungous phallic shaped trophy. Jack didn’t even want to know where he was going to display that thing back on base.
“Oh, I wouldn’t feel too bad Teal’c,” Sam offered comfortingly. “I think Daniel and the Colonel are going to be just fine. Just remember to leave out the nature of their disqualification in your report.”
“Indeed,” Teal’c intoned before he and Sam stepped through the stargate, giant penis in tow.
“So,” Jack said when they were alone.
“So,” Daniel echoed. “Rematch?”
Jack felt a grin fill his face. “My place, right after the debrief.” Daniel smiled back in agreement. Jack walked up to the wormhole before half-turning to the man next to him. “And Daniel? This time you really are going down.”
Now with a sequel! Winner Take All by babs.
The complete list of my Stargate fiction can be found here.