SGA slash - McKay/Beckett - Scars
Title: Scars
Author: lillyjk
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Pairing McKay/Beckett
Rating: NC-17
Word count: @ 2200
Warnings: If you’re here for my usual fic, this is probably not for you. Dark-fic. Abuse. Questionable consent. Bloodplay. Abuse of power. Features Evil!Carson. References to cutting.
Disclaimer: Please note that this is in no way supposed to be a portrayal of a healthy BDSM relationship. These are not equal partners participating in a consensual exchange of power. This is one character taking purposeful advantage of another person’s emotional problems.
Summary: (Scars: Lingering signs of damage or injury, either mental or physical) Written for the Kinkathon challenge at atlantiskink. Also for 50kinkyways Bloodplay prompt (1 down, 49 to go). Written for cassiejamie who wanted Bloodplay, bondage, and Carson as the top while Rodney is dead silent are favorites. Whipping, D/s, and orgasm denial follow closely. There's a whole slew of harder to explain kinks too. This was not the story I intended to write, and certainly not how I would normally portray Carson but this is what came out when I started typing. I sort of creeped myself out because I found myself really liking this version of Carson. *shudders*
Now…
Carson let his eyes roam over Rodney in appreciation.
He’d gotten used to seeing Rodney in his field gear. Dressed in his BDUs and armed to the teeth with a P-90, a pistol and various Ancient gadgets, Rodney cut a dashing figure. His uniform jacket emphasized the breadth of his shoulders and the material of his pants stretched nicely over the curve of his ass. Two years of field work had eroded any lingering softness from his body, but there was still a slight swell to his belly that Carson found appealing.
Yes, without a doubt, Rodney in his action wear was quite a sight.
But this…this was even better.
He’d never seen anything quite as lovely as Rodney naked and on his knees, head bowed, cheeks flushed red, fists clenched tight and pressed against his thighs. His eyes were closed, mouth slightly parted. As Carson watched, the pink tip of Rodney’s tongue slid out to swipe along his lower lip. Rodney like this was…beautiful.
Carson must have made a noise, a half-swallowed moan, because Rodney raised his head. His eyes opened, but they were unfocused, dazed. He blinked once, and then again before his gaze met Carson’s.
Carson gave a slight shake of his head and Rodney’s eyes slid obediently closed, his instant acquiescence making Carson’s cock twitch. Beautiful.
He’d completely broken Rodney.
+++
Before…
Carson knew that he’d break Rodney from the moment he’d seen the fading cross-hatch of scars high up on Rodney’s left thigh. Fading, but not gone completely - they were a reminder of a painful past, of secrets never spoken. Carson didn’t pause in his exam, didn’t give Rodney any indication that he knew what the scars were from.
That night he lay in his bed and thought about Rodney. He imagined Rodney, eyes huge and blue and shining with pain. He imagined Rodney’s pale skin bruised and broken.
When Carson came he bit his lip so hard it bled.
After that first glimpse it had been frightfully easy to manipulate Rodney. They had been acquaintances if not friends back in Antarctica, and it was easy to cultivate a closer relationship. No one ever suspected. No one ever suspected Doctor Beckett with the kind eyes and superb bedside manner was chipping away at Rodney’s defenses.
Carson was delighted to realize that Rodney’s self-confidence was such a fragile thing.
All it took was the right words, disapproving looks, thinly veiled references to Rodney’s failures.
“I heard Major Sheppard talking about how easily you gave in with Kolya took over, but I’m sure you did all you could,” said with a reassuring pat while Carson carefully stitched up Rodney’s arm.
“Gaul killed himself so you wouldn’t have to stay with him?” with just the slightest hint of disbelief.
The slow erosion of Rodney’s confidence was a gorgeous process to watch. Rodney’s face showed every emotion, every moment of self-doubt, every imagined recrimination.
Carson watched and waited and let just enough pity show in his eyes.
“Yes, it would have been nice to have fully charged ZPM but you dinna mean to let it slip that we weren’t from Atlantis. I’m sure no one blames you.” He’d let the words linger for a moment, and then patted Rodney’s shoulder and suggested they watch a DVD.
“Grodin was a good man, he’ll be missed. And of course it wasn’t your fault…really.”
The first bruises appeared when they were awaiting the arrival of the hive ships, purple-black marks just the size of a finger-tip marring the flesh on Rodney’s thigh. Carson clucked over them during a post-mission exam and Rodney shrugged them away.
“Really Carson, it’s nothing. I’m just clumsy. Now, stop wasting my time.” The words were harsh but Rodney’s voice was shaky. “I just need to know if you can give me something to stay awake.” Rodney pushed a hand back through his hair. “There’s so much to do…”
Carson pressed a little too hard against one of the fading bruises and watched with satisfaction as Rodney flinched away and his eyes went wide and dark. He held Rodney’s eyes for a moment before drawing his hand away and apologizing for his roughness.
“Are you sure you’re all right, Rodney? I’m worried about you…” he deliberately let his eyes dip down to the bruises before finally agreeing to give Rodney the stimulants he needed to work through the night.
When the exam was over Carson locked himself in his office and fucked his own hand.
After the siege ended and they had a reprieve from certain death, Carson increased his efforts. “Now that we’re back In contact with Earth, any of us could be replaced couldn’t we? I bet Colonel Carter would love the opportunity to come to Atlantis.”
“No, no. I’m sure you didn’t have time to reprogram the air-lock. Lindstrom wouldn’t blame you for his death.”
It wasn’t long after the incident on the Daedalus when Carson noticed a few fresh cuts interspersed with the scars on Rodney’s thigh. He didn’t comment, but he let his fingers linger a moment longer than strictly necessary.
Before Rodney left the infirmary Carson called him to the side, pressing a package of alcohol pads into his hands. “In case you need them.”
Rodney flushed and opened his mouth as if to protest but in the end he took the package with a muttered thank you.
Things would have no doubt continued that way, a long slow slide to the bottom, if it hadn’t been for Doranda. The incident with the Ancient outpost shattered Rodney, shattered what little bit of confidence he had left. The timing had been perfect.
Carson went to Rodney that night under the guise of a concerned friend. Rodney was pale and shaky and too quiet. Carson faked embarrassment he didn’t feel when he broached the subject, biting back a smile when Rodney went still.
“It’s just that I’m worried for you Rodney, I’ve kept quiet about it because you know as well as I do that you’d be sent back to Earth -- most likely kicked out of the Stargate program completely.” Carson put on his best troubled face. “But I can’t let it go on any longer. You’re hurting yourself and it would be too easy for you to do irreparable damage. I’m going to have to go to Elizabeth to this. You need help.”
Rodney denied it at first, but his denials turned into pleas when Carson rose to leave. “You don’t understand, Carson. I…I need it. I get so numb, so lost and it’s the only thing that makes me…I’ll try and stop, I just don’t know what…” Rodney’s voice trailed off. “Help me, Carson.”
Carson went to him then, wrapping a reassuring arm around Rodney’s broad shoulders. “I suppose there’s one thing we could try.” He looked at Rodney doubtfully, “But you’d have to be willing to do as I say without objection.”
All the fear and uncertainty was on Rodney’s face as he agreed. “Whatever you say, Carson. Just…please.”
Carson stroked a hand through Rodney’s hair and led him over to the couch. “Shhh, luv. It’ll be all right if you let me help you. But there are a few rules…”
+++
Now…
That first night had been less than a month ago, and just as Carson hoped, Rodney had shattered into a million fragile pieces somewhere along the way. He smiled as he walked around the kneeling figure, his eyes cataloging each bruise and bite he had left on Rodney’s skin.
Carson reached out and let his hand slide along the curve of Rodney’s cheek until the pad of his thumb pressed into the down-turned corner of his tilted mouth. Carson had plans for that mouth. “Do you still want what I promised you?”
At his words, Rodney’s lips parted, the tip of his tongue swiping at Carson’s thumb. Rodney’s eyes were still closed tight in deference to Carson’s unspoken command.
Carson let out a low laugh and pulled his hand away. “I’ll take that as a yes then.” He fumbled at the fastenings of his pants, enjoying the way Rodney flinched at the sound of his belt sliding free.
Carson stripped quickly, his cock already swollen and hard. “I’ll take your mouth first, luv.” He let the warm leather of his belt trail across Rodney’s shoulders and back. “Look at me now, Rodney.” He waited until Rodney’s eyes snapped open. “Do your job properly and use that mouth of yours to bring me off.”
Rodney nodded and leaned forward eagerly, his mouth opening over the end of Carson’s cock. “That’s the way, luv. Just your mouth.” Carson braced his legs apart as Rodney’s mouth began moving over him. He loved the slick heat of Rodney’s mouth fastened over his dick, the way Rodney’s lips looked when they were stretched around him. But most of all he loved the desperate look on Rodney’s face, desperate to please, desperate to keep Carson happy.
Carson let one hand tangle in Rodney’s hair, holding his head still as he began to buck forward. He knew Rodney hated this, hated it when Carson started thrusting hard and fast, fucking Rodney’s mouth without finesse. It made it all the sweeter when Carson felt Rodney gag, made Carson push deeper until Rodney had no choice but to open wider. He tightened his hand in Rodney’s hair and gave a brutal shove forward as he came, his other hand giving Rodney’s back a single hard smack with the belt.
Carson grunted as he slowly pulled away, the hand in Rodney’s hair tilting his face up. Rodney’s lower lip was split, a bright smear of blood glistening in the center. Carson let his hand slip forward so his thumb could slide across the abused flesh. “Lovely.” He stayed there for a moment, watching the play of emotion across Rodney’s face. “Now it’s your turn. Up with you.”
Carson stepped back and waited for Rodney to struggle to his feet. Rodney’s cock was hard and red, an ooze of precome glistening at the tip. “You liked that didn’t you, luv? You like it when I use your mouth.” Carson smiled at the flash of shame that crossed Rodney’s face. Then he reached down and fisted Rodney’s cock, tightening his palm over the rigid flesh. “You like all the things I do to you, don’t you, Rodney?”
Carson waited until Rodney nodded, blue eyes meeting his before turning back to the floor. This was the best part, Rodney’s own disgust with what he’d become, with what Rodney wanted to be. Carson stroked up and down the length of Rodney’s cock, pressing his thumb into the bundle of nerves beneath the head. He waited until Rodney gasped before releasing him and motioning toward the bed.
Rodney crossed the room silently. He hovered there uncertainly for a moment, the hesitation making Carson’s dick twitch.
“Go ahead, on your back.” Carson joined him there, sitting on the side of the bed and stoking a hand down Rodney’s chest. “I don’t want to tie you tonight, Rodney.” He gave Rodney’s nipple a brutal pinch. “But I will if I have to, it’s up to you.” He scraped a fingernail across the hard nub and was rewarded by a groan. “Can you stay still for me?”
Rodney nodded, his eyes widening as Carson’s fingers tightened over his other nipple.
“You’re such a good boy.” Carson murmured. Then he leaned forward and let his tongue flick across Rodney’s lip before his mouth settled there, sucking at it until he tasted blood. Carson finally pulled away and reached for the supplies he’d laid out on the bedside table.
Rodney’s eyes slid half-closed when he caught a glimpse of the scalpel, and Carson felt Rodney’s chest tremble underneath his hand. Carson gave him a reassuring pat and then moved down the bed. He settled on his knees between Rodney’s thighs. “Hold very still now, luv, and I’ll make everything better.”
Rodney’s eyes met his and then fluttered closed. His submission was complete, he’d given Carson total trust so easily.
Carson ran his hand along Rodney’s thigh, let his fingers trace over the old scars there. His hand moved further up, sliding over the skin of Rodney’s hips and the slight swell of Rodney’s belly. The scars there were new, angry red slashes across Rodney’s pale skin. Carson wanted to kiss each and every one of them, wanted to let his tongue lick across the cuts and welts, to press his mouth to every bruise. But that would come later.
After one last lingering stroke, Carson moved his hand lower, sliding across Rodney’s skin until his palm curved around Rodney’s leaking dick. Carson’s other hand tightened over the scalpel and then he leaned forward and began to cut.
read Part 2: Damage
Find all my 50kinkyways fics featuring Rodney McKay here
Author: lillyjk
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Pairing McKay/Beckett
Rating: NC-17
Word count: @ 2200
Warnings: If you’re here for my usual fic, this is probably not for you. Dark-fic. Abuse. Questionable consent. Bloodplay. Abuse of power. Features Evil!Carson. References to cutting.
Disclaimer: Please note that this is in no way supposed to be a portrayal of a healthy BDSM relationship. These are not equal partners participating in a consensual exchange of power. This is one character taking purposeful advantage of another person’s emotional problems.
Summary: (Scars: Lingering signs of damage or injury, either mental or physical) Written for the Kinkathon challenge at atlantiskink. Also for 50kinkyways Bloodplay prompt (1 down, 49 to go). Written for cassiejamie who wanted Bloodplay, bondage, and Carson as the top while Rodney is dead silent are favorites. Whipping, D/s, and orgasm denial follow closely. There's a whole slew of harder to explain kinks too. This was not the story I intended to write, and certainly not how I would normally portray Carson but this is what came out when I started typing. I sort of creeped myself out because I found myself really liking this version of Carson. *shudders*
Now…
Carson let his eyes roam over Rodney in appreciation.
He’d gotten used to seeing Rodney in his field gear. Dressed in his BDUs and armed to the teeth with a P-90, a pistol and various Ancient gadgets, Rodney cut a dashing figure. His uniform jacket emphasized the breadth of his shoulders and the material of his pants stretched nicely over the curve of his ass. Two years of field work had eroded any lingering softness from his body, but there was still a slight swell to his belly that Carson found appealing.
Yes, without a doubt, Rodney in his action wear was quite a sight.
But this…this was even better.
He’d never seen anything quite as lovely as Rodney naked and on his knees, head bowed, cheeks flushed red, fists clenched tight and pressed against his thighs. His eyes were closed, mouth slightly parted. As Carson watched, the pink tip of Rodney’s tongue slid out to swipe along his lower lip. Rodney like this was…beautiful.
Carson must have made a noise, a half-swallowed moan, because Rodney raised his head. His eyes opened, but they were unfocused, dazed. He blinked once, and then again before his gaze met Carson’s.
Carson gave a slight shake of his head and Rodney’s eyes slid obediently closed, his instant acquiescence making Carson’s cock twitch. Beautiful.
He’d completely broken Rodney.
+++
Before…
Carson knew that he’d break Rodney from the moment he’d seen the fading cross-hatch of scars high up on Rodney’s left thigh. Fading, but not gone completely - they were a reminder of a painful past, of secrets never spoken. Carson didn’t pause in his exam, didn’t give Rodney any indication that he knew what the scars were from.
That night he lay in his bed and thought about Rodney. He imagined Rodney, eyes huge and blue and shining with pain. He imagined Rodney’s pale skin bruised and broken.
When Carson came he bit his lip so hard it bled.
After that first glimpse it had been frightfully easy to manipulate Rodney. They had been acquaintances if not friends back in Antarctica, and it was easy to cultivate a closer relationship. No one ever suspected. No one ever suspected Doctor Beckett with the kind eyes and superb bedside manner was chipping away at Rodney’s defenses.
Carson was delighted to realize that Rodney’s self-confidence was such a fragile thing.
All it took was the right words, disapproving looks, thinly veiled references to Rodney’s failures.
“I heard Major Sheppard talking about how easily you gave in with Kolya took over, but I’m sure you did all you could,” said with a reassuring pat while Carson carefully stitched up Rodney’s arm.
“Gaul killed himself so you wouldn’t have to stay with him?” with just the slightest hint of disbelief.
The slow erosion of Rodney’s confidence was a gorgeous process to watch. Rodney’s face showed every emotion, every moment of self-doubt, every imagined recrimination.
Carson watched and waited and let just enough pity show in his eyes.
“Yes, it would have been nice to have fully charged ZPM but you dinna mean to let it slip that we weren’t from Atlantis. I’m sure no one blames you.” He’d let the words linger for a moment, and then patted Rodney’s shoulder and suggested they watch a DVD.
“Grodin was a good man, he’ll be missed. And of course it wasn’t your fault…really.”
The first bruises appeared when they were awaiting the arrival of the hive ships, purple-black marks just the size of a finger-tip marring the flesh on Rodney’s thigh. Carson clucked over them during a post-mission exam and Rodney shrugged them away.
“Really Carson, it’s nothing. I’m just clumsy. Now, stop wasting my time.” The words were harsh but Rodney’s voice was shaky. “I just need to know if you can give me something to stay awake.” Rodney pushed a hand back through his hair. “There’s so much to do…”
Carson pressed a little too hard against one of the fading bruises and watched with satisfaction as Rodney flinched away and his eyes went wide and dark. He held Rodney’s eyes for a moment before drawing his hand away and apologizing for his roughness.
“Are you sure you’re all right, Rodney? I’m worried about you…” he deliberately let his eyes dip down to the bruises before finally agreeing to give Rodney the stimulants he needed to work through the night.
When the exam was over Carson locked himself in his office and fucked his own hand.
After the siege ended and they had a reprieve from certain death, Carson increased his efforts. “Now that we’re back In contact with Earth, any of us could be replaced couldn’t we? I bet Colonel Carter would love the opportunity to come to Atlantis.”
“No, no. I’m sure you didn’t have time to reprogram the air-lock. Lindstrom wouldn’t blame you for his death.”
It wasn’t long after the incident on the Daedalus when Carson noticed a few fresh cuts interspersed with the scars on Rodney’s thigh. He didn’t comment, but he let his fingers linger a moment longer than strictly necessary.
Before Rodney left the infirmary Carson called him to the side, pressing a package of alcohol pads into his hands. “In case you need them.”
Rodney flushed and opened his mouth as if to protest but in the end he took the package with a muttered thank you.
Things would have no doubt continued that way, a long slow slide to the bottom, if it hadn’t been for Doranda. The incident with the Ancient outpost shattered Rodney, shattered what little bit of confidence he had left. The timing had been perfect.
Carson went to Rodney that night under the guise of a concerned friend. Rodney was pale and shaky and too quiet. Carson faked embarrassment he didn’t feel when he broached the subject, biting back a smile when Rodney went still.
“It’s just that I’m worried for you Rodney, I’ve kept quiet about it because you know as well as I do that you’d be sent back to Earth -- most likely kicked out of the Stargate program completely.” Carson put on his best troubled face. “But I can’t let it go on any longer. You’re hurting yourself and it would be too easy for you to do irreparable damage. I’m going to have to go to Elizabeth to this. You need help.”
Rodney denied it at first, but his denials turned into pleas when Carson rose to leave. “You don’t understand, Carson. I…I need it. I get so numb, so lost and it’s the only thing that makes me…I’ll try and stop, I just don’t know what…” Rodney’s voice trailed off. “Help me, Carson.”
Carson went to him then, wrapping a reassuring arm around Rodney’s broad shoulders. “I suppose there’s one thing we could try.” He looked at Rodney doubtfully, “But you’d have to be willing to do as I say without objection.”
All the fear and uncertainty was on Rodney’s face as he agreed. “Whatever you say, Carson. Just…please.”
Carson stroked a hand through Rodney’s hair and led him over to the couch. “Shhh, luv. It’ll be all right if you let me help you. But there are a few rules…”
+++
Now…
That first night had been less than a month ago, and just as Carson hoped, Rodney had shattered into a million fragile pieces somewhere along the way. He smiled as he walked around the kneeling figure, his eyes cataloging each bruise and bite he had left on Rodney’s skin.
Carson reached out and let his hand slide along the curve of Rodney’s cheek until the pad of his thumb pressed into the down-turned corner of his tilted mouth. Carson had plans for that mouth. “Do you still want what I promised you?”
At his words, Rodney’s lips parted, the tip of his tongue swiping at Carson’s thumb. Rodney’s eyes were still closed tight in deference to Carson’s unspoken command.
Carson let out a low laugh and pulled his hand away. “I’ll take that as a yes then.” He fumbled at the fastenings of his pants, enjoying the way Rodney flinched at the sound of his belt sliding free.
Carson stripped quickly, his cock already swollen and hard. “I’ll take your mouth first, luv.” He let the warm leather of his belt trail across Rodney’s shoulders and back. “Look at me now, Rodney.” He waited until Rodney’s eyes snapped open. “Do your job properly and use that mouth of yours to bring me off.”
Rodney nodded and leaned forward eagerly, his mouth opening over the end of Carson’s cock. “That’s the way, luv. Just your mouth.” Carson braced his legs apart as Rodney’s mouth began moving over him. He loved the slick heat of Rodney’s mouth fastened over his dick, the way Rodney’s lips looked when they were stretched around him. But most of all he loved the desperate look on Rodney’s face, desperate to please, desperate to keep Carson happy.
Carson let one hand tangle in Rodney’s hair, holding his head still as he began to buck forward. He knew Rodney hated this, hated it when Carson started thrusting hard and fast, fucking Rodney’s mouth without finesse. It made it all the sweeter when Carson felt Rodney gag, made Carson push deeper until Rodney had no choice but to open wider. He tightened his hand in Rodney’s hair and gave a brutal shove forward as he came, his other hand giving Rodney’s back a single hard smack with the belt.
Carson grunted as he slowly pulled away, the hand in Rodney’s hair tilting his face up. Rodney’s lower lip was split, a bright smear of blood glistening in the center. Carson let his hand slip forward so his thumb could slide across the abused flesh. “Lovely.” He stayed there for a moment, watching the play of emotion across Rodney’s face. “Now it’s your turn. Up with you.”
Carson stepped back and waited for Rodney to struggle to his feet. Rodney’s cock was hard and red, an ooze of precome glistening at the tip. “You liked that didn’t you, luv? You like it when I use your mouth.” Carson smiled at the flash of shame that crossed Rodney’s face. Then he reached down and fisted Rodney’s cock, tightening his palm over the rigid flesh. “You like all the things I do to you, don’t you, Rodney?”
Carson waited until Rodney nodded, blue eyes meeting his before turning back to the floor. This was the best part, Rodney’s own disgust with what he’d become, with what Rodney wanted to be. Carson stroked up and down the length of Rodney’s cock, pressing his thumb into the bundle of nerves beneath the head. He waited until Rodney gasped before releasing him and motioning toward the bed.
Rodney crossed the room silently. He hovered there uncertainly for a moment, the hesitation making Carson’s dick twitch.
“Go ahead, on your back.” Carson joined him there, sitting on the side of the bed and stoking a hand down Rodney’s chest. “I don’t want to tie you tonight, Rodney.” He gave Rodney’s nipple a brutal pinch. “But I will if I have to, it’s up to you.” He scraped a fingernail across the hard nub and was rewarded by a groan. “Can you stay still for me?”
Rodney nodded, his eyes widening as Carson’s fingers tightened over his other nipple.
“You’re such a good boy.” Carson murmured. Then he leaned forward and let his tongue flick across Rodney’s lip before his mouth settled there, sucking at it until he tasted blood. Carson finally pulled away and reached for the supplies he’d laid out on the bedside table.
Rodney’s eyes slid half-closed when he caught a glimpse of the scalpel, and Carson felt Rodney’s chest tremble underneath his hand. Carson gave him a reassuring pat and then moved down the bed. He settled on his knees between Rodney’s thighs. “Hold very still now, luv, and I’ll make everything better.”
Rodney’s eyes met his and then fluttered closed. His submission was complete, he’d given Carson total trust so easily.
Carson ran his hand along Rodney’s thigh, let his fingers trace over the old scars there. His hand moved further up, sliding over the skin of Rodney’s hips and the slight swell of Rodney’s belly. The scars there were new, angry red slashes across Rodney’s pale skin. Carson wanted to kiss each and every one of them, wanted to let his tongue lick across the cuts and welts, to press his mouth to every bruise. But that would come later.
After one last lingering stroke, Carson moved his hand lower, sliding across Rodney’s skin until his palm curved around Rodney’s leaking dick. Carson’s other hand tightened over the scalpel and then he leaned forward and began to cut.
read Part 2: Damage
Find all my 50kinkyways fics featuring Rodney McKay here