Sandbox Friends

[lillibet]

This came up tangentially on my f-list and made me want to spread the idea a little further

Comments

[deguspice]

SF conventions are a good place to make "Sandbox Friends". You see them once a year (or more often if you follow overlapping convention circuits). Eventually some of those can develop into "Lasting Friendships".

[lillibet]

Yup. Pretty much any shared activity generates Sandbox Friends, anything that throws people together for reasons other than "we want to spend time together".

[schmoomom]

I'm so glad you expanded further on this. I think it's fascinating.

[lillibet]

Oh, good. And here I thought I was just blathering ;)

[mangosteen]

It's a very interesting perspective. Thank you for sharing it. How would you contrast "Sandbox Friend" with "activity partner"?

[lillibet]

I think most Activity Partners are probably Sandbox Friends. I think the question would be, if you had to give up e.g. squash due to injury, would you try to find another activity in which to partner with them? On the other hand, I think a long enough association as Activity Partners can be a form of Lasting Friendship, but it depends a lot on the tone of the relationship.

[fanw]

That an excellent observation. Right now big-jewfro and I have a lot of Sandbox friends. We have even had some people over to the house, but what we're missing? Local lasting friendships. I think mostly this is because they haven't had a chance to grow and "last". But we sure do miss the kinds of people you can call up not just when you want to have a good time, but when you've had a crappy time and you need to vent!

[lillibet]

Absolutely. Moving puts you in a whole new sandbox (or set of sandboxes, really) and figuring out which friends might transcend that context and developing the relationships past the boundaries of the sandbox takes time and attention.

You're welcome to call and vent at me any time :)

[desireearmfeldt]

I used to not value sandbox friends, or perhaps, think of myself as not having any though that wasn't strictly true. One of the strange (in a good way!) things about the life I've developed these days is it involves LOTS AND LOTS of sandbox friends (and things like LJ help with maintenance of those connections). But I always get to feeling unbalanced/deficient when I spend my time nearly exclusively with sandbox...because at the end of the day, I really need the close, lasting friendships in order to feel socially fulfilled. (On the other hand, the sandbox is the only place I've ever managed to make lasting friends. And I do love sandboxes.)

[lillibet]

Oh, yes. All of this is true for me, including the ways my life has changed over time. I'm still fairly insecure in assigned groups, but I think I've learned more about how to deal and also how to spot likely allies.