fic: woke up again today (will/lyra; his dark matierials; rating;g)
Title: Woke Up Again Today (to Find my Youth is Dead)
Author: Lily
Pairing: Will/Lyra; His Dark Materials
Rating: G
Spoilers: Amber Spyglass
Summary: It's a little like how they were a nomadic pair before, only now the food is better and the passenger seat is empty.
Word Count: 600+
Author's Notes: Title from "A Happy Medium" by Malcolm Middleton
It's supposed to be unnatural, but sometimes he's really glad that Kirjava can travel far from him. That seems to be his life these days; uncertain, unknow, unnamed and undefined.
If Kirjava were with him all the time, he would never be able to push the palms of his hands down hard against his closed eyes until his vision turned from black to white and the cloudy dots decorated his eyelids. He would turn up the music and imagine that the last five years were a dream so that he could wake up tomorrow never having fought those men or following that stray cat. His fingers and his heart would still be whole, since never having crossed from his world, there would have been no place to lose them.
His biggest concern would be getting the week's groceries and blending in with the crowd. His worries were his own back then.
He had never felt so fractured before in his life and he misses what it felt like to know that all of you existed in the same place.
He wouldn't change anything - but sometimes...the pain can get close to unbearable when he sees unruly tawny curls blown by the wind from the corner of his eye. He finds himself grimacing at certain tones that sound like bravery or triumph in small children's laughter.
There aren't exactly careers for boys who have conquered death and played a decisive role in a religious war. He's not terribly creative or good with numbers and determination isn't really a skill set that can be applied to desk jobs. He wanders between jobs of varying physical labour; from stock boy to gardener to roofer and back. With his muscles sore from the strain and sweat beading on his forehead, it's easier to allow his mind to rest from Lyra.
He never liked stability before, in the past, his chameleon changes and adaptations were part of what kept him safe from notice. Now, permanence in a life without Lyra just seems like an insult and his only response is to keep moving fast enough to delay putting down roots. He never keeps a job, interests, friends or apartments for long. It's a little like how they were a nomadic pair before, only now the food is better and the passenger seat is empty.
For all the pain it caused him, it can be surprisingly easy to forget. All it takes is a few slices of pizza, washed down by cheap beer and watching Kelly's shirt raise an inch to reveal her midriff when she raises her arms in celebration after bowling a strike. He smiles easily and smells his pin-straight black hair when they hug, his fingers ghosting over the hem of her shirt, wondering how soft her stomach might feel.
At the end of the night, he's convinced that it's easier for a cab to drop them both off at only one place anyways, so it doesn't matter that he's got to get up early tomorrow. He is soon found stumbling up the stairs and kisses her neck while she fiddles with the key.
He even manages to wait until the next morning, when picking up his socks, to notice that she didn't taste of berries. It might be a new record and he gives her still sleeping form a bittersweet half-smile, unsure if this is good or bad news.
His life isn't like a movie with fast cars and promotions that he can energetically recite once a year to the air; he pays his bills and sends in his taxes and sometimes he cuts himself shaving or when trying to change a light bulb. The majority of his time is spent pleasantly with Kirjava by his side and a low pang below his ribs that wont fade. He can enjoy jokes and the smell of fresh cut grass and is grateful that he was able to have any time with her at all.
It's not a happy medium, but it's the best he's got.
-----
for more Will/Lyra, join midsummeroath
Author: Lily
Pairing: Will/Lyra; His Dark Materials
Rating: G
Spoilers: Amber Spyglass
Summary: It's a little like how they were a nomadic pair before, only now the food is better and the passenger seat is empty.
Word Count: 600+
Author's Notes: Title from "A Happy Medium" by Malcolm Middleton
It's supposed to be unnatural, but sometimes he's really glad that Kirjava can travel far from him. That seems to be his life these days; uncertain, unknow, unnamed and undefined.
If Kirjava were with him all the time, he would never be able to push the palms of his hands down hard against his closed eyes until his vision turned from black to white and the cloudy dots decorated his eyelids. He would turn up the music and imagine that the last five years were a dream so that he could wake up tomorrow never having fought those men or following that stray cat. His fingers and his heart would still be whole, since never having crossed from his world, there would have been no place to lose them.
His biggest concern would be getting the week's groceries and blending in with the crowd. His worries were his own back then.
He had never felt so fractured before in his life and he misses what it felt like to know that all of you existed in the same place.
He wouldn't change anything - but sometimes...the pain can get close to unbearable when he sees unruly tawny curls blown by the wind from the corner of his eye. He finds himself grimacing at certain tones that sound like bravery or triumph in small children's laughter.
There aren't exactly careers for boys who have conquered death and played a decisive role in a religious war. He's not terribly creative or good with numbers and determination isn't really a skill set that can be applied to desk jobs. He wanders between jobs of varying physical labour; from stock boy to gardener to roofer and back. With his muscles sore from the strain and sweat beading on his forehead, it's easier to allow his mind to rest from Lyra.
He never liked stability before, in the past, his chameleon changes and adaptations were part of what kept him safe from notice. Now, permanence in a life without Lyra just seems like an insult and his only response is to keep moving fast enough to delay putting down roots. He never keeps a job, interests, friends or apartments for long. It's a little like how they were a nomadic pair before, only now the food is better and the passenger seat is empty.
For all the pain it caused him, it can be surprisingly easy to forget. All it takes is a few slices of pizza, washed down by cheap beer and watching Kelly's shirt raise an inch to reveal her midriff when she raises her arms in celebration after bowling a strike. He smiles easily and smells his pin-straight black hair when they hug, his fingers ghosting over the hem of her shirt, wondering how soft her stomach might feel.
At the end of the night, he's convinced that it's easier for a cab to drop them both off at only one place anyways, so it doesn't matter that he's got to get up early tomorrow. He is soon found stumbling up the stairs and kisses her neck while she fiddles with the key.
He even manages to wait until the next morning, when picking up his socks, to notice that she didn't taste of berries. It might be a new record and he gives her still sleeping form a bittersweet half-smile, unsure if this is good or bad news.
His life isn't like a movie with fast cars and promotions that he can energetically recite once a year to the air; he pays his bills and sends in his taxes and sometimes he cuts himself shaving or when trying to change a light bulb. The majority of his time is spent pleasantly with Kirjava by his side and a low pang below his ribs that wont fade. He can enjoy jokes and the smell of fresh cut grass and is grateful that he was able to have any time with her at all.
It's not a happy medium, but it's the best he's got.
-----
for more Will/Lyra, join midsummeroath