The Red Umbrella

[lildaisy06]

:: …I feel like when he looks at me… I am beautiful. When he smiles at me, I am capable of conquering the world… and when he tells me he loves me, I am the only woman in this world made for him… ::

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The squelching of the mud beneath his sneakers made Nathan grimace as he hurried his steps in the downpour. God how he hated the

Comments

[lieffeil]

Really quite an adorable little story. I love the concept of the red umbrella with legs; she's one of those characters you see around every once in a while and wonder what it'd be like to talk to instead of just observe (like Nathan does in the graveyard, finally). I'm just wondering about the structure of it all. Each little scene is rain rain rain, and that's a strong motif, but it's also a little overwhelming. We don't know anything about Nathan (except his hatred of rain) until the last scene. Maybe a few more bits with just him, so we can get to know who he is... Just a thought. Enjoyed it a lot.

[lildaisy06]

Thanks for reading and glad you liked it.
Actually I wrote this story during the rainy season when I was feeling a lot like Nathan because the rain just wouldn't let up. The story isn't so much to focus on the character or who he is but what he was feeling in that particular moment.
But thank you for the insight, you're right, it would help readers to connect more to Nathan :)
Will take that into consideration for future stories.

[thousandocean]

I really liked this; I thought it was very cute. :) However, as the person above stated, we don't know anything about Nathan until the very end of the story. So swapping around a few scenes, like the whole bit where we find out about Nathan's brother's death, could be placed earlier in the story so we have something to identify with. I thought the ending was perfect, and wouldn't change a thing about it. :)

[lildaisy06]

That's a thought.
I might revise this story when I have the time and reup it then :)