Brother Of Mine (Chapter 5)
++Ryo++
Pi was standing behind the counter when I came in for work that night and he looked up, smiling at me before calling out, “Yo! How was your new year man?”
“Was okay,” I shrugged, “You?”
“Had a blast. Rika and I went to the beach to watch the sun come up and it was fricking freezing. I think I nearly got hypothermia in my toes and fingers.”
“I see,” I nodded before adding nonchalantly, “Just the two of you?”
“No, Shige came along,” Pi replied.
Shige… Erika’s boyfriend.
I should have known. Why the hell do I do these things to myself? Asking questions that I know I would not like hearing the answer to. Things have been different since she started going out with that man. Apparently she met him on one of her flights.
He was the floor manager of the airport duty free complex and he was completely unlike me. Cheerful and outgoing, it was easy for me to see what was it that made her feel attracted to him. Him, Pi and Rika took together like ducks to water and even though little slivers of malicious feelings sometimes made themselves present in me, I do not deny that I like the man. It was so completely different than when Pi and Rika first became friends with me. It took me months to really let my guard down. Took me months before I could talk to Erika without turning as red as a beetroot and look her in the eye.
“Earth to Ryo!” Yamapi was saying, waving his hand in front of my face and I blinked, coming back to where I was, “Seriously man, you got to stop drifting out like that. You’ve been doing it often lately.”
“Really?” I responded, feigning innocence “Must be tired…”
“You sure you okay?” my friend asked me worriedly, “Do you want to take a break for tonight?”
“No… no I’m fine,” I protested, “So shall we open up?”
“Sure,” Yamapi replied, though he looks unconvinced with my answer.
The night was slow and I found myself with some free time to huddle behind the bar to work on my poem. There was this new one that came to mind since New Year’s dinner. Rereading the words, I realised that I was even making myself depressed from what I wrote. Not that I needed any more help with that department.
“Oh by the way,” Yamapi said at one point of the night, “Erika left this for you.”
It was a note and it said ‘Missed you for new year. Hope you had a good one with your brothers’.
“She had an early flight to Australia today,” Yamapi spoke up, “She should be back tomorrow.”
“Ah, she started on international flights did she?” Ryo commented and Pi nodded, “Yeah, she got promoted last week. Looks like she’ll be spending less time with us from now on.”
“I see.”
Damn it, life just loves taking you on weird emotional rollercoaster rides. Honestly speaking I should known this was going to happen and I should be aware that there is no reason for me to get upset about it, but I can’t. All I felt was this petty jealousy that the only person who would be able to spend more time with her is Shige because he was always at the airport.
I’m such a child, really.
I looked up as the door opened. It was Jun-ni.
“Ah, Ryo no onii-san,” Yamapi smiled, “What can we get you today?”
“I thought I told you to stop calling that Pi,” Jun-ni grinned as he took a seat at the bar then said to me, “Give me a beer would you Ryo.”
“Don’t you have work tomorrow?” I asked him even as I handed him what he ordered.
“It’s just one beer,” he grinned, “I was in the area so I thought I’d stop by and say hi before heading home.”
I left my brother nursing his drink as other customers came in, but throughout the whole time, I just couldn’t shake the feeling as though my brother was watching me a bit more closely than he normally would. It was as though his big brother mode really kicked in tonight; wanting to watch over me and make sure that I’m alright.
Jun-ni might not realize it himself but sometimes he gets carried away with this business of being the big brother, the protector of the family. I remember a time when I was in high school after a bullying incident. He shadowed me for three whole days to make sure I was alright. I pretended I didn’t see him just to make him feel better.
Anyway, about forty five minutes later, he finished his drink and said a quick goodbye to me and Yamapi. I watched him leave with this feeling as though he was hiding something. Something big. Jun-ni was such a plotter. He would plot everything, from the best way to persuade aunt Ayako to cook his favourite dish for dinner all the way to get Kazu-ni to confess that he was seeing someone back when Kazu-ni was in college.
I think over the years I might have developed some kind of radar when Jun-ni falls into those plotting modes of his. Okay, maybe a nicer word to use would be ‘planning’ not ‘plotting’ but with Jun-ni it’s really hard to not use that word. He can have this scheming air around him sometimes and tonight it was definitely emanating from him - that scheming air.
There was something else too though.
Not just some plot he might be hatching but also something which I feel as though he was holding back from telling me, telling the family. I felt that way since New Year but maybe I’m just over thinking things.
I tend to do that… over think things.
“I’m heading out first,” Yamapi told me after a bit, “I got to meet up with Kame and Toma for a while so can you close up?”
“Sure, no problem.”
As I was closing up the bar, I paused for a moment to look at the framed pictures that Pi had hung up on the wall. Most of them were of us back in college and we looked so happy there, smiling unhesitatingly at the camera.
I found myself smiling as I looked at the picture. Why am I so sad? There really is no reason. I have amazing friends, a good family, I’m healthy and I have my entire life ahead of me.
No reason to be so depressed at all.
Rika might not love me the way I love her but what we have, our friendship, is more precious than anything else.
I had no reason to be depressed at all.
-------
“The spread might be faster than we had initially thought. You really should reconsider chemotherapy Okada-san.”
Chemo…
It’s amazing how things you never thought about might end up becoming the motivation factor in your life. Human beings are such eternally frail creatures yet at the same time, so capable of such great strength. Jun himself did not know where the source of this great strength was for him and as he dressed himself Jun was willing himself to find that strength.
He already talked to Meisa so now he wanted to talk to Erika. From what he gathered Erika was dating a guy who worked at the airport. In all honestly, Jun was not too sure what the hell could he do about this. At least when he went to talk to Meisa there was something there to work on. With Erika… it could be a complete blank.
As much as he wanted to make his brother happy, he didn’t want to do so at the expense of breaking another person’s heart. So tonight what he needed to do was probably a stake out. Trying to determine if Erika and her boyfriend was truly happy and if they were Jun knew that he would abort his plans.
“Alls well that ends well,” he muttered to himself as he got into the car. Psyching himself up would have worked better had he a clearer picture of what he wanted in mind but right now he was about as sure of his own decisions as alien landings.
The airport was pulsing with people, the air echoing with conversation in various different languages. Jun found himself straining to listen to different snatches of conversation.
Goodbye.
Hello.
An airport was an area of transit and as he looked around him, Jun suddenly found himself itching for his camera. There were so many stories around her, so many people meeting and parting. He loved the scene, watching the flow of people moving as they made the transit of life.
“Jun-ni!” a familiar voice called to him and Jun turned to see Erika striding across the terminal towards him.
It was the first time he saw her in her stewardess uniform. Toda Erika is quite the stunner, no wonder Ryo is head over heels about her. Jun smiled when he saw her, holding one hand up in greeting.
“What are you doing here?”
“Ah… I was sending off a friend,” he replied, “You just got off a flight? I didn’t see you at the bar last night.”
Erika nodded, “Yeah, I just came back from Sydney…”
“I see…” before he could get another sentence out though someone interrupted them.
“Erika!”
The young man walking towards them was dressed smartly in a suit and dark blue shirt. He had a confident air of ease around him.
“Shige!” she responded, smiling as he kissed on the cheeks in greeting before turning and gesturing to Jun, “Shige, you remember Okada Ryo right? This is his eldest brother.”
“Oh, hello,” the man said, holding his hand out to greet Jun with a firm handshake, “I’m Erika’s boyfriend, Kato Shigeki.”
So this is the boyfriend Jun thought as he found himself studying the man from head to toe. Confident, cheerful, successful - sure, what’s there not to love?
“Anyway,” Jun said, “I’m just heading for dinner. How about you guys come join me?”
“Only if you insist,” Erika smiled.
“Oh, I insist.”
Jun wondered if the couple even had an inkling of what was going on in his mind as the three of them went to a restaurant in the lower level of the airport terminal which Shige recommended. The place a Vietnamese Thai fusion restaurant seemed to be popular and they had to take a ten minute wait before they were seated.
“So Shige,” Jun asked almost the moment they sat down, “When did you and Erika started going out?”
“Oh… about a month or so,” Shige replied, “It took me a couple of months to convince her to go out with me though. You’d think she didn’t like me almost.”
“Shige!” she protested laughingly, “Would you please not embarrass me?”
“I was only telling the truth,” he grinned, “It did take a long time to get you to even look my way.”
Erika merely smiled, not replying or commenting on that statement. Their food arrived soon and they spent the rest of the meal talking. Erika would tell amusing anecdotes about her flights and interesting passengers she had encountered. After insisting he paid for their meals Shige told them he had to return to work.
“Where are you heading?” Erika asked Jun as they walked out of the airport.
“Back to my office. I have a night photo shoot for Elle magazine.”
“I see. Well, I’m going to hang out at Pi and Ryo’s bar for a while. Anything you’d like to me pass to Ryo?”
Jun shook his head, “No. I just met him yesterday.”
“Alright then.”
Just as she turned to go Jun called back to her, “Rika… I have one question to ask you though…”
“Eh?”
“It might be completely nosy of me but… are you happy? I mean… really happy?”
Maybe his question really was nosy and he couldn’t quite decipher the expression on her face.
“Do any of us really know what true happiness is Jun-ni?”
“Maybe not,” he smiled in return, “Maybe not.”
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Weariness was a condition granted to us mortals in order for us to continue surviving. It serves as a warning sign to us that our bodies have reached its limit and needs to rejuvenate itself. Okada Kazunari was ignoring all those warning signs. He had barely slept for the past couple of days and his body was as strung up as a druggie high on speed. Being the junior associate on a huge merger and acquisition project was beginning to take its toll on his sanity as well if not his body.
Sighing, Kazu tossed his briefcase by the foot of his bed and collapsed on top of the sheets without even bothering to take his suit jacket off. The day had been hectic and his supervisor had been breathing down his neck, piling work non stop on him. He had been studying almost ten years worth of credit and market history of the company up for merger with his client’s company.
Both companies were big construction companies and had extensive business histories. One lawyer to go through all that was just plain torture. Before he even realize it he was already asleep. He had been working late into the night and there was barely three more hours before the alarm clock by the side of his bed was set to ring.
Kazu didn’t even stir as his elder brother came to help his out of his jacket, take off his tie and socks and put him properly under the covers. He didn’t even feel it as his elder brother smoothed a hand over the crease of his forehead as though he was trying to smooth away a nightmare. And he didn’t hear the sigh as Jun took one more look at his middle brother. Kazu can’t go on like this, Jun thought; he’s going to burn himself out.
In the morning after a quick shower and one cup of black coffee, Kazu was out of the house before Jun or Aunt Ayako was even awake. The day was going to be another long day and he had at least another two piles of market reports to sort through, not to mention a million other menial tasks that he was bound to get saddle with. That was only expected.
What he had NOT been expecting however was the bouquet of flowers resting on his desk. There was also a pot of tea and a neat array of sandwiches on a tray innocently waiting for him. Kazu frowned as he set his briefcase down.
Wha…?
“Oh, Okada-san?” the receptionist called to him, “Your wife dropped by earlier.”
“My wife…?”
He walked towards his desk and picked up a folded note that lay on the tray. The hand writing was Meisa’s and it said - I bet you didn’t eat your breakfast again.
He sighed, a slight smile coming to his lips. She was always nagging him to eat breakfast. Meisa was such a nut when it comes to things like these. A good proper meal three times a day, a good night sleep…
Their lifestyle was constantly contrasting with one another.
Picking up one of the files he was currently working on, Kazu flipped through it for a moment before putting it back down to turn his attention to the sandwiches. Picking one triangle up, he took a bite. It was grilled teriyaki chicken and two types of cheese. His favourite - back in high school. He didn’t think that Meisa even knew that.
“Okada-san…”
It was one of the paralegals assigned to the department, Aiba Masaki, “I have the files you asked for yesterday…”
“Hey, Aiba, come have a sandwich,” Kazu told him, holding the plate up.
“Eh?”
That was the first time Kazu ever spoke to Aiba concerning something other than work and Aiba was rightfully surprised.
“A sandwich,” Kazu repeated, gesturing again with the plate he was holding, “My…” he faltered for a moment before saying, “My wife made some extra sandwiches.”
“Your wife?” Aiba asked him even as he came to take a sandwich off the plate, “I didn’t know you were married.”
Sometimes I forget too Kazu thought to himself.
“Yeah, well not a biggie,” he smiled slightly, “Anyway, can you just put the files I asked for on the desk? I need to attend a meeting with the partners right now.”
“Ah okay.”
The day, as Kazu had known it would be, was long. The amount of paperwork involved in dealing with an M&A was seriously overwhelming. Even though Kazu knew that he should be proud that the firm thought enough of him to allow him to work on something this big with a client this important, he wonders if this is what he really wanted. Work has consumed his life and there was no mistaking the fact that his work had been the culprit to his shattered marriage.
As usual, by the time he reached home it was already late at night and the lights were all off. Jun-ni and Aunt Ayako must have both fallen asleep already Kazu thought as he went to the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. Switching on the lights Kazu nearly jumped out of his skin in surprise - Jun was lying on the floor, unconscious.
“Aniki!” Kazu shouted, rushing to his brother’s side, crouching so he could reach Jun, “Aniki!”
“Uhhh…” Jun groaned as he came to, blinking and looking at his brother before smiling in a muddled sort of way, “Oh hi Kazu.”
“Aniki, what the hell is going on?” he asked his elder brother in panic as Jun sat up, running a hand through his hair.
“Nothing,” Jun told him, “I was tired and I sat down for a moment before falling asleep on the floor I think.”
“You think?” Kazu frowned, “Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure. Why wouldn’t I be sure?”
“I don’t know,” his younger brother muttered, “You tell me.”
------
Kazu didn’t seem to be convinced with his story so Jun put on the most innocent face he could managed and asked his younger brother, “How was your day?”
“Just dandy,” Kazu answered somewhat sarcastically, “Yours?”
“Was great.”
“So great that you were tired enough to sleep on the kitchen floor?”
He decided to ignore that remark as he poured himself a glass of water, then one more for Kazu as well. The two brothers sat down at the dining table across from one another, drinking their respective glasses. Maybe something stronger than water would have been a more apt drink for the atmosphere of the moment but neither of them said anything.
“You know…” Kazu spoke up after a while, “Meisa dropped by my office this morning with sandwiches.”
“She did, did she?” Jun replied nonchalantly.
“Funny though - the sandwiches she made was the same like those you used to pack for my bento back in high school. I don’t remember ever telling her that was my favourite. In fact, I don’t remember even having eaten them since I left high school.”
Oops.
Dangerous grounds here. He’s going to have to play this one carefully.
“I think I might have mentioned it to her before.”
“Really?”
“I guess.”
“You guess?” Kazu raised an eyebrow, “Just like you guess you were so tired you ended up sleeping on the floor?”
Wow his brother sure was a grumpy cynic, even more so than usual. Then again he himself was definitely treading a fine line here; what’s with his illness and running around trying to fix things behind his brothers’ backs. So he supposed he could grant his brother the right to be a grumpy cynic.
“You should get some sleep,” Jun told his brother, “It’s already one a.m.”
As he went to his own room to go to bed, Jun took a moment to think about what the hell happened earlier. He had been called to shoot a night scene spread for Elle magazine. The photo shoot had gone quite well and by the time he had gotten home earlier Jun had begun to feel quite good. That was until the blinding headache gripped him when he went into the kitchen after work.
The next thing he knew Kazu was crouching over him, calling him. It was surprising his brain had worked fast enough to make up an excuse when his brother asked him what the hell happened. Jun wondered how much longer he could keep this charade up. He should go to the hospital again tomorrow to at least get himself a prescription.
A prescription was what he had in mind as he walked into the hospital the next day, but as he stepped into the hospital lobby the image of Haruka assailed him. The memory of her sitting in the seat, long white cane in her hands somehow really made his chest hurt, as though the pain in his head was not enough.
“I have an appointment with Dr. Fujiki…” he spoke up at the counter but his voice trailed off because the source of the heart ache just came out of an examination room.
Haruka.
Jun froze for a moment, torn between the need to go talk to her and his own uncertainty. There was so much he wanted to ask her still no less of all the biggest question, why… why did she leave? Did she leave because of this? The loss of her sight? She was barely a foot away from him before his body finally allowed him to react.
“Haruka…” he spoke up,
The sound of his voice made her steps falter.
“Haruka…” Jun spoke up again, “It’s good to see you.”
She smiled slightly, ironically, “Can’t say the same for you… but then again, I can’t say that for anything much can I?”
A quiet pause and then she said, “I’ll take my leave now Jun.”
This time Jun reached out, catching her arm, “Haruka… can we… can we talk?”
“What is there to talk about Jun?”
“Like why did you leave for example? Or why the hell are you here after disappearing?”
She didn’t reply, turning her face away even though she could not see him. Jun felt that tightening in his heart again. She had disappeared so suddenly from his life and seeing her now like this in front of him, it took all of his strength not to grab her and hug her tightly to him. He loved her, loves her still.
Regardless of how much time passes, regardless of how hurt he had been when she left, he had not been able to forget her. Unable to move on with his own life because of his feelings for her.
There was nothing that would have convinced him that she had left him purposely out of malicious reason. Or that she had not cared.
“Haruka…” he began but another voice interrupted him instead.
“Okada-san.”
It was his doctor.
“Are you not coming in for your appointment?”
“Appointment?” Haruka frowned, “Why do you have a doctor’s appointment Jun?”
“I… uh…”
She pulled her arm out of his hold, “Don’t expect answers from me when you are not ready to give any yourself.”