Fic: Secrets (First Part.) - NC-17
Title: Secrets (A Two-Act Play in Suburbia)
Author: lilchibibunny and allhisengines
Rating: NC-17.
Word Count: 20,863.
Characters/Pairing: Sam/Cas, one-sided Sam/Dean, eventual Dean/Sam/Cas.
Disclaimer: Characters to Kripke and the CW.
Spoilers: None!
Warnings: It's an AU; incest.
Summary: Sam's finally gotten settled with Cas in his house, and then Dean comes back from a year-long absence and suddenly everything gets really complicated.
Author's Note: LOL OH MY GOD THIS IS FINALLY DONE. Really, this is all allhisengines fault, because we were just joking around with this and she wrote something serious, and then it was awesome so I had to build upon it, and somehow it became crazy and intense. We are actually pretty proud of this, since it's the first thing we've finished and wrote up and posted. (Actually, the more I look at it, the more I get nervous about posting it so I really just need to get it over with.) A huge thanks to morganoconner for taking a look over this before it was posted. <3
Dean has always been kind of a handyman. After all, with Dad working constantly and Mom with her accident not long after Sam was born, Dean had to take on the responsibilities of caring for the house. After all, cleaning the house was a big deal, and Sam was a fucking messy little brother. (Still is, actually.) But he learned how to fix a leaky faucet when he was about ten years old and had finally perfected omelets by the time he was eleven and Dean’s always been kind of good about that kind of stuff because he wanted Sam to live a life where you didn’t need to know long to heat milk for when you were five.
Dean ended up leaving right after Sam got the scholarship to college; he figured if Sam was moving away he had no real reason to stay at home. Before he left, Dean made sure to get Sam’s address, made sure he had Sam’s phone number, and he kept contact on a regular basis. He would send Sam postcards that his brother would tack on the dorm wall. They eventually filled the wall and Sam had to take them all down and put them in a book. Of course, that was because Sam didn’t see Dean for another six years, when Dad died. Dean came home for the funeral and said to Sam, “I’m staying.”
Sam had bought a little house, all nice with a small second story. He renovated it, fixed it up. Dean would come over to help because apparently Dean had spent most of his six years doing odd jobs, most of which were physical labor like construction and plumbing. (Which kind of sucked because then Dean would purposefully do obnoxious shit like pipe the sink wrong so that when Sam went to wash his hands he would get sprayed in the face and goddammit.) Although Dean had his own apartment, he would spend most of his nights on Sam’s couch, and eventually the guest room when Sam practically made him.
Of course, there are times when Sam still finds Dean on the couch when he gets up in the middle of the night.
Then Sam found Cas and everything became a little complicated.
_____
Look, Sam knows that lusting after your own brother is wrong. He gets that. But Dean...Dean’s always been there for him. Whenever he’d call during the six years Dean was away, Dean would always answer the phone, even if it was just to say, “Hey, can I call you back later, Sammy? I can call you on my lunch break, is that okay?” Dean was happy when Sam found himself Jess, but when Sam had gotten his undergraduate degree and moved out of his parent’s house, he realized Jess was just there to take Dean’s place. He just needed someone, and shortly before Dean came home, they called their relationship off and decided to be just friends.
And then Dean came and hung around all the time and obviously Sam doesn’t mind being willingly tortured when he sees a poor soaked Dean in the middle of his bathroom saying, “I’ve almost got it, Sam, this faucet is just being a huge bitch.”
Dean left for around a year after the couple he had come back for, said he had to go visit an old girlfriend. Apparently, Lisa let Dean stay with her for four years and they had a off and on relationship. However, still on pretty good terms, Dean was informed that he was to be her baby Ben’s godfather. Lisa wanted Dean to meet her fiancee (who was the baby’s father, not Dean--although Dean did tell Sam he thought it could be his) and also come to the baby’s christening, so Dean said his goodbyes to Sam and told him he’d be a while. Six months, maybe. A year, if he decided to take up his old boss on a job while he was in the area. He’d keep in touch, and Dean was always good about that kind of stuff.
So Sam was left with no brother and a huge house and it got a little lonely.
But then Sam found Cas; Cas who is pretty much the opposite of Dean. He’s a little bit shorter, is lean where Dean is more built, and he’s got bright blue eyes and a mop of impossibly messy hair. But they both have these really full lips and Sam’s kind of a sucker for that. Honestly, Cas is kind of everything Sam wanted. Cas works with the firm he interns at and the first conversation they had was about old Latin texts, which happened to be a hobby for both of them. Little conversations at the firm turned into little lunch time meetings, and finally lunch time meetings turned into coffee that happened to run into dinner time and then suddenly Sam’s on his couch with Cas on his lap and he’s trying his damnedest to get the most obscene moan out of Cas’ mouth that he can.
Sam actually convinces Cas to move in with him after a few months. Cas keeps his apartment for a few more months before the relationship starts to run on a year and both Cas and Sam are serious-relationship kind of guys. Cas isn’t a substitute for Dean, Sam realizes, he’s something different. There’s something about the way Cas smiles when he’s around Sam, how they can discuss the Dead Sea Scrolls or something and Cas has actually read the text and knows it and it might be the way Cas makes tuna salad sandwiches that won Sam over.
He doesn’t forget about Dean, but it’s not so bad now. Sometimes Dean will call or Sam will get a postcard and he’ll get this weird feeling that washes over him. He’s told Cas about Dean and vice versa, and both are pretty excited to meet one another. However, although Dean is pretty good about communication over a long period of time, something that he often neglects to mention is the part about him coming home.
Dean has a key to the house (probably kept it from the time Sam first moved in), so Cas’ first introduction to Dean was when Sam had him up on the counter and the door lock jiggled and they both heard, “Sammy? Sam, you here?” Sam can’t remember a time where he rushed so quickly to get himself put together and greet his brother.
“Kitchen,” Sam shouts, and whispers to Cas, “sorry, Dean has a key too,” and then Dean rounds the corner with this huge grin that quickly dissolves into an interested stare when he sees Cas.
They’re both still flushed when Cas puts his hand in Dean’s rough palms and Dean shakes his hand happily and says, “it’s about fucking time, Sam.”
“If you would have told me you were coming home, I might have been able to introduce you earlier,” Sam says.
Dean gives him a sheepish smile. “Well, I wanted to get settled first, goddammit.”
“When did you get in?” Sam asks.
Turns out Dean has been home a month before he sees Sam. Getting his little apartment that’s not too far away from Sam’s (and Cas’) house, juggling a few part-time jobs. He says he wanted to get himself together a little bit before he saw Sam, met his new boyfriend. Wanted to be presentable, Dean says.
Cas and Dean get along well, which is a little surprising to Sam. A pleasant surprise, of course, but they have very distinct, opposite personalities. They have heated discussions about some issues, but bit by bit they really catch on to each other. When Sam comments on it, Cas smiles. “He intrigues me,” Cas says, “because he pretends not to know much, but he’s very well-read for someone who constantly takes physical labor over an intellectual-type job.” (Dean was the one to get Sam hooked on books. Dean’s more of a Moby Dick person, while Sam would rather pick up War and Peace.)
“He thinks he’s not smart enough,” Sam says as he snuggles into Cas, who always seems to smell like vanilla and cider.
“I just don’t understand why anyone would underestimate themselves,” Cas shrugs, and returns to his report, re-reading it before they both fall asleep.
_____
It’s when Dean begins to do the yard work that things start to get a little bad.
“C’mon, Sam, it’s a mess out here,” Dean says one day. The yard looks scruffy, and neither Sam nor Cas really care. The inside of the house is kept clean, and the pool is kept in relatively neat order (it’s March when Dean brings up the whole yard thing, so the pool is still under the tarp, waiting for warmer weather).
“Dean, no one cares.”
“I care, dammit.” He looks outside. “You’ve always been kind of a pussy when it comes to yard work, though.”
Sam glares at him. “Shut up.”
Dean grins. “Well, I mean...it’s true. But I don’t mind doing it.” He sits back, thinks. “Do Thursdays work? I have off Thursdays most of the time, I could do it then.”
“Dean,” Sam says, “you really don’t have to. If it bothers you so much, we’ll get someone to do it or something.”
“Are you fucking with me?” Dean punches Sam pretty hard in the arm, which makes the younger brother yelp and punch him back. “Dude, I just said I would do it.”
“You work too much,” and this is a subject both Cas and Sam agree on. He’s got two part time jobs and then occasionally works as a bartender sometimes when his buddy is sick. Dean pretty much sleeps and then works and then sleeps.
“It’s therapeutic,” Dean shrugs. “Don’t get your panties in a bunch, Samantha. If I didn’t want to do it, I wouldn’t do it.”
And so on Thursdays, Sam will come home and Dean will be pushing the lawnmower or methodically trimming the bushes. He’s even planted flowers that he can take care of, and Sam teases Dean every so often about being such a good husband and Dean tells Sam to shut his freaking piehole. Sometimes Sam will catch Cas looking out the window to watch Dean with a concentrated look on his face.
“Perhaps he would like something to drink,” Cas says one day.
“Dean doesn’t like water,” Sam frowns, and they usually go grocery shopping on Fridays or Saturdays. He internally ticks down the list of things they do and don’t have.
“I’ll make lemonade,” Cas shrugs.
Sam watches when Cas takes it outside for Dean. He barks out a laugh when he sees Dean’s face and is amazed when Dean actually smiles and finishes the rest of it. When Cas comes back inside with a slight color to his cheeks (there’s a cool breeze outside so it must be that), Sam laughs. “Have you ever made lemonade before?”
Cas shakes his head. “I thought I would improvise.” Sam’s morbid curiosity makes him pour himself a small glass. Afterwards, he gently tells Cas that next time they will get the proper ingredients for lemonade and make it the right way...or buy some Kool-Aid or something because goddamn that stuff was horrendous.
______
Dean spends a lot of his time over their house despite having his own place. He keeps sleeping on the couch, much to Sam’s dismay. After all, he set up the guest room mainly for Dean and if he’s going to insist on crashing on the couch forever, well, Sam has no qualms about moving the couch to the guest room and getting a new one, if it has to come to that.
He asks Dean about it. Dean actually flushes a little. “The guest room is kind of close to your room,” Dean says.
“...Still waiting for you to get to the point, Dean,” Sam replies.
“Well, I thought I’d give Cas and you some privacy.” Dean gives a sloppy, lopsided shrug. “Didn’t want to interrupt anything because I was next door.”
Sam laughs. “Or is that because you didn’t want to hear us do it?”
“For fuck’s sake, you’re such a dick! I’m trying to be a polite house guest and trying not to interrupt possible sexy times and you have to make me sound like a fucking Peeping Tom, asshole,” Dean shouts like Sam laughs and laughs and laughs.
Dean uses the guest room the next night just to prove Sam wrong. Cas is surprised when Sam keeps putting a hand over his mouth, and when Sam whispers that Dean could probably hear them, it’s like Cas does whatever he can to make Sam scream.
It’s the best sex they’ve had in a while.
____
Sam remembers coming in on Dean laughing with Cas huffing just a little bit and it’s a little bit of a surprise. Dean only really laughs like that with Sam. (He’s seen him out in public chuckling, but there’s something about the way Dean’s eyes crinkle that let Sam know it’s a special laugh that’s just for him.) “What’s up?”
“You never told me Cas’ full name,” Dean says, grinning. He pulls his brother close, who pretends to be disgusted by the fact Dean is all sweaty and wet from pushing the mower outside and he only has a tank top on.
“It is not funny, Dean,” Cas says, leaning back against the counter and cocking his hip ever so slightly to the side like he does when he gets an attitude. (Sam’s seen it a few times. It’s pretty adorable.)
“Aww, Castiel,” Dean coos, and Sam sees the little reaction in gets from Cas, who immediately jerks his hips back into place and hides some emotion behind his little glare at Dean.
“Sam, tell your brother I am stronger than I look, and if he insists on using my full name to mock me, I will give him a proper punch.”
“Aww, Cas, c’mon,” Sam teases, “Dean will be nice about it even though he’s an asshole,” and he gives his brother a sharp poke to his side and Dean jerks, making sure to run his hand into Sam’s hair and flop it so it tangles. Sam huffs and Dean winks at him.
“I promise I’ll be nice about it, Cas,” Dean says and Cas gives him a glare.
“There is a reason I prefer a nickname, you know.”
“C’mere, angel cake,” Dean says playfully, and Cas is both equally surprised Dean understands the angel reference of his namesake and also pissed that Dean keeps poking fun. Cas pouts as Dean pulls him into a hug. “I think it’s a nice name,” Dean continues, and Sam watches Cas’ face flush when Dean ruffles his hair affectionately. “Sorry to get your feathers in a bunch, Cas.”
“It’s fine.”
Dean grins evilly. “Well, Castiel is a better name than Samantha, anyway.”
Sam instantly reacts like he always does when Dean teases him with that and immediately says, “Fuck you, Dean,” and gives a small slap to Dean’s face, which always spurs Dean into action. The brothers wrestle it out while Cas tells them to watch out for the china, please.
____
And then summer comes and everything just comes out into the open. Because summer means it’s time for the pool to open and Dean will not let them have the pool guy come when Dean will do it for free. (His only fee is, of course, getting to use the pool. Why use the public one at his apartment building when he can come to his brother’s house and not have to worry about ten thousand little kids?)
There is a problem. Because Sam has already seen Dean mowing shirtless once and that wasn’t goddamn fair and if he was going to clean the pool and swim in it Sam probably isn’t going to survive. Besides, the pool guy he’s always hired always keeps his shirt on and isn’t terribly attractive so it’s always been no big deal. “I’m already mowing the lawn, Sam,” Dean says, “and I helped Lisa with her pool, so it’s not like I don’t know how.”
So now it’s May and Thursdays have become pool days and Sam’s having a hard time dealing.
It also appears that Cas is having a hard time dealing as well. Sam’s caught Cas doing little mix-ups like scratching himself with the potato peeler or getting pen ink on his shirt, but never outright staring. (Not like recently.)
Because Dean is out there with his shirt off, hair all mused and damp from sweat and he’s skimming the pool, humming a Zeppelin song like he does this every damn day. Sam remembers the time when Dean came inside and just grabbed some water when it was Cas’ turn to make lunch. Sam was seated at the little bar-counter while Cas was cutting the carrots and suddenly Dean’s just there, apologizing for barging in but he just had to get something to drink.
He sets his glass on the counter beside Cas and pours the Kool-Aid from the pitcher (because Dean’s really twelve on the inside and loves the strawberry kind) and Sam is having a hard time trying not to notice he can smell the gasoline and cut grass from the mower and somehow that is a huge turn-on right now.
He doesn’t notice Cas having a hard time until Cas accidentally slices himself with the knife he’s been using to cut the carrots with.
Dean, who had been drinking his strawberry Kool-Aid, instantly brings the glass away and--fuck--spills some on himself. “Where are your bandaids?” Dean asks calmly as he gently grabs Cas’ hand to inspect just how deep Cas cut himself. (Dean had been beaten up and scratched and cut so many times on his various construction stints that he was a pretty good judge on whether or not something needed stitches.)
“I’ll get them,” Sam says, heading towards the bathroom and trying to calm himself because this is all waaaaaaay too much. When he comes back, he peeks around the corner and Dean is up in Cas’ space, looking intently at his hand. Meanwhile, Cas’ face is red and he is staring at Dean’s face with this kind of glazed look and that’s when Sam feels a little streak of jealousy hit him. Dean touching Cas while Cas is looking like that at Dean when only Sam should look at Dean like that and--whoa. Whoa. Sam mentally shakes himself because those feelings are just a little too complicated for this moment.
He expects to be jealous that Cas is looking at Dean like that, but the feeling of Dean touching Cas like that without Sam there surprises Sam because it’s so intense. He won’t lie that maybe after that he has some daydreams about finding Dean and Cas in the kitchen almost, almost kissing and then being all embarrassed and ashamed when Sam comes in and then Sam lets them go ahead and go for it because it’s pretty hot and he leans against the counter and watches for a bit and finally you know Cas is going to pull him in--whew.
The point being he’s kind of glad he’s jealous about someone else touching Cas like that because it means he really does care about Cas. (Sometimes he was afraid this stupid attraction to his brother was going to overshadow the way he felt about Cas, but not anymore.)
Sam has never told Cas about the way he feels about Dean. Mostly because he doesn’t want to freak Cas out. Also Sam is pretty sure he’s never going to act on it since Dean probably doesn’t feel the same carefree way about incest that Sam has gotten used to. But, honestly, Sam’s jealous when he sees people look at Dean like they want nothing more than to push him up against a wall and have at it. (Mostly because he’ll probably never get to.) And then he sees Cas one Thursday outright staring at Dean through the glass porch doors, watching him with this half-lidded look and his mouth kind of open and Jesus fuckin’ Christ it’s really hot to see Cas like that but it’s his brother that’s prompting that response and Sam is all kinds of conflicted about that.
_______
Sam would like to say it was unexpected, but he hasn’t been able to stop seeing Cas at the window, watching Dean clean the skimmers--skimmers, for fucks sake. He’s been having a hard time making eye contact with both of them since then which made dinner an awkward event.
Their room is dark and quiet but for their breathing and Cas is over him, working on ridding him of the last vestiges of their clothes; the rest currently decorating their floor. When Cas tucks his fingertips into the waist of his boxer briefs Sam surprises himself.
“I saw you watching him today, you know,” he says and if he could kick himself he would. He is nearly completely sure that telling your partner that you have an incestuous lust for your brother is kind of a deal breaker and hadn’t really been planning on mentioning it.
But Cas stills his hands and looks up through his lashes at Sam and there is a considered and palpable pause before Cas resumes his work, pulling Sam’s underwear down enough that Sam can work them off himself as Cas licks and kisses his way back up Sam’s body.
Sam gets impatient and hoists Cas up to kiss him, perhaps more desperate than intended but Sam’s been worked up all day. He moves to kiss down Cas’ cheek and neck before tangling their legs to flip them over. He bites at Cas’ clavicles and presses him down at the shoulders and repeats himself.
“I saw you watching him today.”
Cas’ eyes fall shut and he presses his head back into the pillows as Sam scrapes his fingernails down his sides. He traces his fingers across Cas’ stomach, from one hip to the other, before wrapping his hand around him, finally eliciting some sort of response even if it is just a small hum of satisfaction. Cas is still not acknowledging Sam catching him ogling his brother, so he tries again.
“When he was cleaning the pool. I’m sure you remember. He had just finished mowing and was cleaning the skimmers,” he says and licks up Cas’ throat. And Sam doesn’t quite know what possesses him to keep going, but at this point he figures it probably isn’t going to make a difference. He’s hard as hell just from thinking about all the possibilities and so he just keeps talking.
“On his knees, shirtless because it has been so damn hot out,” Sam says, breath damp against Castiel’s neck as he licks and bites between words, “and you can see the sweat collecting in the small of his back.” Cas pushes up into Sam’s hand, urging him to go faster, and moans.
Sam is having a hard time catching his breath just from saying this out loud, to anybody, but especially to Cas, who is apparently enjoying this also and Sam is reeling so he risks telling him what preoccupies his own thoughts. “It makes you want to lick all that sweat away or imagine how your hands would slip against his skin, trying to pull him closer, harder against you. Just imagine, being pressed so close together, stroking him just like I am you right now, and when he comes your stomachs are slick and sliding toget-”
He’s cut off when Cas moans like it hurts and nearly jack-knifes as his legs tense and comes all over Sam’s hand and stomach, their stomachs slick just like in his filthy story and Sam can barely handle it. He sits back on Cas’ hips and begins to jerk himself, frantic, before Cas grabs his hands to stop him. Cas motions for him to scoot up and Sam feels like he might not ever breathe again.
Right before Cas takes him into his mouth he says “tell me more” and Sam is considering losing consciousness. He cups Cas’ face in his hand, the ends of his fingers feeling his damp hairline, and continues. He is having trouble concentrating but knows this won’t take long, anyway.
“And after, he would lick his way down my chest before taking me in his mouth, just like you are now. It would feel near perfect and just think about what his hair would feel like in your fingers or his lips wrapped around you,” Sam knows he’s rambling now but then he feels Cas moan around him and it’s over. He comes hard down Cas’ throat and makes the monumental effort of getting himself settled next Cas instead of collapsing straight over him.
It’s quiet in their room as Cas gets up and grabs a washcloth to wipe them down as Sam tries to recover. The light in the bathroom shuts off and Sam feels more than hears Cas get back into bed. Sam’s half asleep when they get tangled together in their shared sheets and Cas pulls him in for a deep kiss. He gives him a few light kisses on the cheek and face before tucking his head into Sam’s shoulder.
Seems to Sam like they’ll have to discuss this new development in the morning and that may be the worst and most awkward moment of Sam’s life but he doesn’t feel frantic at the moment. Until then, he’s content and happy to be tangled in the bed he shares with the best thing he knows besides his own brother.
____
Cas wakes up in the morning to see Sam staring at him from the pillow. His cheeks automatically flush even though he’s not really embarrassed. Sam watches him shuffle and move in the covers, deciding to lay on his side because Sam’s giving him the look he usually does when he wants to say something important. But he doesn’t say anything and just leans forward to give Cas a small kiss. (Sam does remember things like when he wakes up he has morning breath and that’s not something he really wants to share.)
“Sam,” Cas murmurs.
“I should probably get ready for work.” He starts to move when Cas grabs his hand. For such a lean man, Cas really is stronger than he looks.
“Sam, I think we need to discuss last night,” and when he says last night, underneath Sam hears ‘Thursday nights’.
“When I get home?” Sam honestly does think they probably do need to discuss this, but the last thing he needs on his mind is this discussion when he’s at work. “Please.”
Cas nods. “When you get home, then.” Both of them are what Dean likes to call ‘touchy-feely’ and that they like to ‘vomit feelings’. They do prefer talking and neither of them are ashamed to tell the other how they feel.
Unfortunately, Sam has been skirting around the issue that he has a thing for his brother and he’s not sure how exactly to put it. He almost doesn’t want to say it out loud, like if it’s said then it means he can’t deny it anymore. Not like he denies it to himself, but Sam is hyper-aware of the taboo and how people react.
“After dinner, then?” Sam says.
Cas nods, shifting under the covers. On Fridays he goes into work late, so he usually takes the time to sleep in. “If you would prefer.”
____
Sam and Cas share very often, which is why they have such a close and happy relationship. If anything bothers them, it’s usually out in the open within a matter of days and then swiftly dealt with. But Sam has never told anyone about the Dean thing and Cas kind of gets that he’s probably not going to really talk about it. Sam could see this morning that Cas realized Sam wasn’t probably going to tell him everything. It’s not like they don’t have secrets, but when the secrets start interfering with the future of their relationship, that’s when Cas cares.
So it really shouldn’t surprise Sam when he walks in the living room that Dean is there, asleep on the couch, and Cas is kneeled next to him, gently brushing the hair from his temple.
Sam doesn’t think he’s been more conflicted about something in his entire life. He’s jealous that Cas is touching Dean, angry that Cas is being so intimate with not just someone else but his brother, kind of turned on at the possibilities, and it all surges and churns under the surface.
It gets worse when Cas lowers his head to give Dean a small kiss on the forehead and looks up to meet Sam’s eyes.
Sam has to grip the door frame.
Cas looks down at Dean and then back to Sam, obviously asking Sam what he should do. But Sam can’t respond, he’s got no words, and it’s awful how turned on he is right now. Cas hasn’t even done anything and already Sam’s head is full of the possibilities he’s imagined once or twice or three times.
Cas looks a little nervous and Sam realizes he hasn’t actually touched Dean before this. Not in that way, at least. Probably wouldn’t even imagine actually touching him because Cas is already taken and that’s his boyfriend’s brother and Cas is a good boy. Cas lets his finger trail lightly over Dean’s face in smooth, purposeful motions. They trace his cheekbone, the edge of his jaw, come up to lightly brush over his lips and Sam really shouldn’t be this hard right now.
Cas lets his fingers run through Dean’s hair a couple times before Dean stirs and cants his head to meet Cas’ hand as his fingers card through the little flip of Dean’s hair, making sure to follow the way it’s styled. And then Cas’ fingers travel down Dean’s neck and he looks up to Sam and it’s obvious they’re both deep in it now. Cas really hasn’t even done anything bad. He’s basically just run his fingers through Dean’s hair while he was asleep.
Sam shakes his head. No, no, they have to talk about it first. Although he knows Cas is going to bring this up and Sam’s not excited about that. But then Cas pushes Sam back into the kitchen and grinds against him, hissing, “After dinner, Sam,” and Sam has no choice but to babble into Cas’ mouth, “Yes, yes, after dinner, I promise.”
When Dean wakes up, Sam’s stirring the spaghetti sauce and Cas is checking on the garlic bread. Like nothing ever happened.
Friday night is when they have dinner together. This time Sam and Cas keep catching each other’s eye, but Dean is having such a good time laughing about his work stories that he doesn’t seem to mind. (Dean’s not oblivious to the tension, but he just thinks it’s something Cas and Sam will work out. No big.) They get into his stories eventually since Dean’s so animated about it, but he still catches their tense little glances.
_____
When dinner’s over, Dean grabs the plates and places them in the sink. “I’ll get these later,” he says.
Sam blinks. Dean usually does dishes (he says it’s his job since they cook) right after dinner. “Dean?”
Dean grins. “You guys need to talk something out. I’m just gonna swim in the pool for a little bit and I’ll see how everything is when I come back in for a towel.” With no other warning, he waves and slips out the porch door, leaving Sam and Cas alone.
“Sometimes I forget how perceptive your brother is,” Cas says, watching the porch door close.
“Me too,” Sam agrees.
There’s a pause while they think about that for a little. They hear Dean shout to himself and a huge splash that Sam could swear made water hit the glass door. “You’ve thought about him for a while,” and Cas’ voice is low and soothing.
Sam flushes and gets up from the table, his chair scritching on the kitchen tile. “Might have crossed my mind once or twice.”
“You never told me.”
“Never told anyone,” Sam says and he’s still not meeting Cas’ eyes. “I know it’s wrong. I just...stopped caring.” He places his drinking glass on the counter, muses about getting some wine out. He could really fucking use it right now. “I’ve never done anything with him, Cas.”
“I know, Sam.” He hears Cas get up from the table.
“He doesn’t know.” Sam lets out a sad chuckle. “I don’t think he even realizes you like him, but Dean’s kind of stupid that way--”
“Sam,” Cas says gently, closer.
“And I know you have a thing for him, that’s fine, I’m pretty sure we both go for guys and girls--” Sam is rambling now.
“Sam.”
“And I know how you look at him.” Sam finally meets Cas’ eyes. “I know because I give him those same looks.”
“I wouldn’t do anything.”
“I know you wouldn’t.” A small, sad smile tugs on Sam’s face and he runs his fingers down Cas’ cheek. “But you want to.”
“I don’t go to bed with Dean, Sam.” His eyes are bright, boring into Sam’s. “I sleep with you.”
Sam’s eyes dart around Cas’ face, refusing to pause. “Would you sleep with him? If you had the chance?”
Cas doesn’t even hesitate. “Only if you were there.” And Sam feels a sudden punch of arousal at the possibilities of that statement and it kind of leaves him breathless. They hear Dean splash around in the background. “I would want you with us.”
“Cas,” Sam chokes out.
“If you want it, I don’t mind.” He rolls his eyes at himself. “Obviously.”
Sam closes his eyes. “It’s not going to happen, Cas. Not to mention Dean...probably doesn’t feel that way.”
“Have you ever asked?” Cas counters, and Sam jumps.
“No! God, no! Just because I wouldn’t mind having sex with him doesn’t mean I would ruin our relationship,” Sam mutters, shaking his head. “It’s fine.”
“Obviously it isn’t if it’s starting to bleed into our sex life,” Cas says. Neither of them mention that it really played into both their fantasies.
Sam starts a couple sentences but can’t really piece them all together. Of course Cas makes it sound like a good idea. But then he thinks about it and thinks about what Dean would say and honestly, Sam would be happier the way things are now than having Dean no longer talk to him the rest of his life. Or act weird. Or basically not be Dean.
Cas watches Sam’s face and then, with a determined look, grabs the side of Sam’s head and forces him to look at him. “Sam. You have to tell him. I’m not going to say that I’ll tell him, because that is not my place, but I really do believe you need to do this. Please,” Cas says, using his thumbs to lightly rubs circles on Sam’s temples. “Just think about it.”
Sam just leans in and grabs Cas, pulling them close as he kisses him. He doesn’t want to think anymore about it right now. Cas understands this fact when Sam lifts him up and places him on the counter. Cas murmurs his name to him while Sam kisses and bites down his neck, pushing Cas’ shirt aside when it gets in his way. “No talking,” Sam says. “Not right now.” And he bites down hard on the base of Cas’ neck, grinding against him, making him gasp and arch his back and--
“Um.” And there is Dean, dripping wet all over their floor, carrying his wet shirt at his side with a nice full body blush going. “I--look--sorry,” he halts through many sentence starters before he finally starts going. “I will make sure to take a long time drying off,” he says, trying not to stare but obviously failing pretty hard, “and then come back to do the dishes, I guess.” He goes into the hallway and they both hear him practically bound up the stairs.
They make sure to be a little quiet for Dean’s sake, but Sam finds himself talking just like he did last night, whispering awful little things and Cas has to clench his jaw to keep from making obscene sounds.
When Dean comes back, the dishes are done and Cas apologizes while Sam puts the leftovers in the fridge. Dean just shrugs it off and claps Cas on the back and says something about Winchester stamina and Sam has to turn around and beg him to please shut the fuck up, Dean, and Dean just laughs and laughs and laughs.
It’s their little way of turning it back to normal. Because when Dean came down the stairs there was something heavy in the room, like Dean didn’t know what to do and that’s so strange. Dean always has something to say or some random place for a conversation to turn. But he just came in, with jeans and a sweatshirt, shuffling in like a kid who got caught doing something bad. That’s when Cas decided to say he was sorry, that they should know better than to attempt those things when they know Dean is in the house. And that’s when Dean loosened up, smiled, started to act like himself.
But for a second, it was weird. Not bad weird. Just...weird.
______
This new turn of events is no good, because now instead of just pretending that everything is okay and normal, it’s obviously not. Sam is acting a little strangely around Cas because, well, he knows and Sam feels awkward interacting with Dean when Cas is around because, well, he feels like Cas is watching him, waiting for him to say something, to do anything to alert Dean to his feelings. And Dean, well, Dean is just a little awkward period. Sam is sure that has something to do with the whole ‘sorry-i-caught-you-groping-on-the-kitchen-counter’. (Contrary to what some people might think, Sam and Dean never walked in on each other doing something sexual. Dean never brought anyone to the house for sex and Sam always made sure to knock because if he did catch Dean jerking it, he probably wouldn’t survive.)
In fact, it’s almost like Cas is making sure to be around every corner or happen to push Sam into Dean when they are all in the house together and it’s annoying as fuck. Of course, Sam knows Cas is tenacious, but he’s never been on the receiving end of that. (Not counting what happens in the bedroom.) And apparently Cas is expecting Sam to spill his guts now that he’s supporting telling Dean how he feels and Sam...he wants to. He’s always wanted to tell Dean. But the problem is exactly that. Sam knows the game changes once he tells Dean, “No, I love you love you,” and everything in their relationship is nothing how it used to be. And Sam’s not sure he wants that. He likes things the way they’ve always been.
He tells Cas this.
Which has the expected reaction. “Sam. You need to let him know. You cannot let this eat you up inside.”
“Cas, I’m fine with the way things are,” he hisses as Dean passes by the window, a streak of dirt across his forehead, sleeves rolled up to expose his biceps as he drags a large something, face deep in concentration. Dean likes doing the yardwork, he said. Gives him time to think...or not think, if he wanted. So it’s not a surprise that he doesn’t look up at them, doesn’t acknowledge them as he passes by. Sam lets his eyes linger, and when he brings his gaze back to Cas, his boyfriend is very obviously not happy.
“I don’t approve of this, Sam. Even if your feelings are not conventional,” and even though Cas doesn’t wince, Sam flinches a little, “you need to tell him. Perhaps he will feel the same.”
“He won’t.” Probably. Dean’s normal. He’s a good guy. He doesn’t perv his brother. “I’m surprised you don’t have a problem with it.”
Cas blinks. “My family is unconventional as well,” is all he says. “But at least we are open with each other.”
Sam shakes his head. “Stop it. I’ll tell him when it’s right.”
“You mean you won’t tell him at all,” Cas clarifies, grabbing Sam’s arm, trying to pull him back. “It’s not healthy to keep secrets that long. You two are far too close to let something like this disturb your bond.”
Sam tugs his arm back. “We’re just close enough that it might drive him away. And I’d rather keep it like it is than risk that.” When Cas opens his mouth to speak, Sam cuts him off. “That’s it, Cas. I don’t want to mention it anymore.” He doesn’t turn around to see Cas’ dark look, Sam just opens the front door and sits on the porch, curving his back to sit his elbows on his knees. Dammit. The shit part about it is Cas isn't the kind of guy to just forget about things, and he recognizes now how much it affects Sam. (He had admitted to Sam that he suspected something was up between Dean and Sam, but he had no idea that it was of the taboo-variety; Cas assumed that a fight had happened long ago, Dean did something Sam didn’t approve of or vice versa.)
“Something on your mind?” Sam looks up to see Dean standing there, dirt spattered, grinning at him. His sleeves are still rolled up, gardening gloves on, toolbelt hanging off his hip and he just looks kind of perfect. Sam just stares up and him and Dean takes off a glove, then reaches down to ruffle his hair, laughing. “You okay, Sammy?” And all Sam wants to do is grab his shirt and kiss him and lick the sweat off his neck and make him moan and writhe and get them dirty as fuck and--
“I’m okay, Dean.”
“You’ve been acting a little weird lately,” he mentions conversationally. Obviously Dean’s a little worried, but Sam knows he won’t push it if Sam doesn’t want to talk about it. Dean’s fingers curl in his hair, and it’s been a long time since he’s done this; their mom used to pet their hair, and when she died Dean took up the habit to calm his little brother. “Everything okay with Cas?”
“We’re just disagreeing on something,” Sam says, unconsciously canting his head to Dean’s touch. “It’ll pass.”
“Okay, Sammy.” Dean’s fingers make one last pass through his hair and then he’s putting the glove back on. “I mean, if you need to talk, you know I’m here.” His smile is teasing. “I’m good for other things than yardwork, y’know.”
Sam looks up and raises an eyebrow. “You are?”
Cas watches as Dean pretends to be offended and catches Sam in a headlock, purposefully rubbing his dirty gloves on Sam’s hair and hearing Sam yell for Dean to stop it, now he’s going to have to take a shower, good job asshole.
He did promise Sam he wouldn’t say anything, but he’s seen the way Dean looks at them now when he thinks they aren’t looking. There’s something more than affection. Cas knows it.
_______
Sam knows that Cas has a slight tendency to bring up inappropriate subjects and think nothing of it. It’s kind of a hilarious (and sometimes adorable) character flaw. Hilarious in that he usually just makes peoples’ mouths drop open because they are not prepared for the swift subject change, and adorable in that Cas asks Sam ridiculous questions out of the blue like, “I wonder how fluffy baby chickens feel. Have you ever felt a baby chicken, Sam?” (Sam actually has, and he does take Cas to a small farm--the one that Ash owns, a close family friend--and has him hold a tiny chick. Sam could not get enough of Cas’ face as he pet the tiny little chicken and poked at its small little wings.)
So, sometimes when Cas brings up random subjects, it turns into adorable and cute occurrences. This is not one of those times.
Sam is actually not around to witness it. This Thursday Sam happens to be part of a meeting with what could become a key client, and so it’s just Cas and Dean this day, Cas tidying around the house while Dean works outside. Cas will peek outside the windows every so often to watch Dean mow and trim and tend to his flowers. Eventually lunch time rolls around, and Dean and Cas eat together, per usual. It’s not really a big deal. They have chicken and some kind of sauce that Dean can’t really pronounce the name of, but it’s actually pretty good. (They always have the weird, fancy foods around here because Sam can’t handle a fucking simple cheeseburger.)
But it isn’t lunch where Cas asks hideously inappropriate questions.
Dean cleaned the pool earlier today, mostly because it just needed a good skim and then he could move on to the more physically demanding items for the day. And, of course, after the yard work was done, Dean could just grab a fucking floating lawn chair with one of the cupholder things and sit and drink beer until Sam got home.
Dean knows he smells like cut grass and sweat and gas, so he really hopes the chlorine washes it all away. About ten minutes into swimming, Dean notices Cas asleep on the hammock.
The hammock is actually a really nice, really big one, hanging safely between two nice-sized trees. They chose an extra big one because Sam kept hanging off the regular ones, and Cas didn’t want to be the only one swinging in it. Dean gets out of the pool and grins. Maybe he should shake his short hair over Cas, startle him and have a little laugh.
Cas is asleep, Candide sitting on his chest, his little reading glasses hanging right off his nose. It’s criminal how cute he looks, just hanging out in the backyard, surrounded by this huge hammock on either side, glasses threatening to fall off with the slightest touch.
Dean changes his mind. Maybe he’ll just shake Cas awake and tell him he’s going inside to get dry or something. (He doesn’t really need to wake Cas up. It’s not necessary. So why is he all worked up about it? Stop it, Winchester, you stop that shit right now.) Dean reasons that Cas is almost in the sunlight, and eventually it could shine through the trees and Cas would have little spots of sunburn and, though potentially hilarious, Dean doesn’t want to see Cas have to go through that.
“Cas,” and whoa, whoa, fucking whoa, change your tone, Dean, where the hell did that come from, “hey, Cas.” He puts an arm on his shoulder, shaking him gently. Cas mumbles something, and Dean kneels down and for some fucked up reason says, “Castiel.” He actually really likes to say Cas’ full name; he doesn’t understand why more people don’t use it. Probably ‘cause they’ll say it incorrectly.
But Cas does open his eyes at that and when he sees Dean’s face pretty damn close to his own, he kind of stutters, “Hello, Dean.” His glasses fall off as he shifts, picking up the book on his chest and dog-earring the page he was on to save the spot.
“I was just going inside,” and Dean hasn’t felt this stupid and embarrassed in a long time. “Did you need anything?” He can feel the pool water dripping off him, rolling down his cheeks and off his nose.
“I don’t.” And there’s something so fucking strange underneath both their voices and Cas has this really intense stare that Dean doesn’t usually mind but right now it’s really getting to him.
“You sure?” Dean tries to lighten the mood just a little by adding, “I might get some egg salad, if you wanted some.”
Cas shakes his head and his eyes aren’t leaving Dean’s and Dean feels heat rising in his cheeks. (What the--Dean Winchester doesn’t blush, what is this nonsense?) “I’m fine, Dean.” And all Dean can see right now is his brother pushing Cas on the counter, biting down his neck, Cas with his head thrown back making these wanton noises and Sam’s voice is gravely and rough-- “Is something the matter, Dean?” Cas asks. “You’re a little red.”
“I’m fine, Cas,” Dean says immediately, giving Cas a big grin. “So I’m just--”
“Do you ever have fantasies about us, Dean?” and probably the best part about that question is how conversational Cas makes it sound, like he’s asking Dean how the weather is.
“I--what?” Dean stammers, laughing. “What, Cas?”
Cas isn’t laughing, he just tilts his head. His glasses are still on his chest, getting caught on his shirt as he leans forward in the hammock. “Have you ever had any fantasies about Sam and
I?”
“Jesus Christ, Cas,” Dean mutters, and yeah, Dean’s face is definitely red. “What kind of question is that?”
“It’s a fairly simple, straight-forward question,” Cas replies. “It only really requires a yes or no answer?” he elaborates, raising an eyebrow.
“I forgot how quickly you get to the point,” Dean finds himself saying.
“It’s a character flaw,” Cas admits, shrugging.
Dean really doesn’t know what to say. Yeah, sure, there have been times he’s been spanking it and they may happen to pop in his head, but it’s not like he actively jerks off with Sam and Cas’ name on his lips. They’ll just happen to work their way in there is all. People think about weird stuff when they do that all the time. Although now it’s a little worse because Dean caught them right in the middle of something, so now Dean has a real situation to work with and his brain doesn’t seem to want to let him forget it. “You are thinking quite hard,” Cas murmurs softly, startling Dean. “I wouldn’t mind hearing your thoughts.”
“Well, I mean,” Dean says, distracting himself by reaching over and plucking Cas’ glasses up where they are dangling dangerously on his shirt, “it’s not really a straightforward question, if you think about it. People think about stuff all the time when it pops in their head. They may not necessarily be daydreaming about it.” He unfolds the glasses and places them back on Cas’ head.
“Are you thinking about it more now?” Cas asks, and gently wraps his hand around Dean’s wrist before Dean lets go of the glasses, effectively holding Dean in place.
“W-wha--why?” Dean asks. What is this?
“I am curious, Dean.”
“Why are you curious, Cas?”
“Why won’t you answer my question?” Cas asks, and Dean can feel his cheeks flush again, this time in anger and frustration and a bit of embarrassment.
“Fine, yes, of course I am,” Dean says angrily. “What a stupid question. Yes, and that’s only because I caught you guys almost doing it and yeah, it’ll pop up in my head.” Dean wants to get out of here. He feels like something important is happening right here, like something is changing the more this conversation continues, and he doesn’t know how to get it back.
“You seem embarrassed about that,” Cas says and Dean wants to laugh.
“You serious? Fuck yeah it’s embarrassing,” Dean replies, shaking his head. “You don’t think about those kind of things, especially when one part of the happy couple you’re thinking of is your brother.” The funny part about this whole conversation is that Cas just seems to take it all pretty well, like it’s not as if Dean’s admitting something awful. He’s just looking at Dean with this curious little stare, like, ‘Yes, please go on, tell me more.’ And Dean does the worst thing in the world he could possibly do and counters it with, “What, have you been thinking about me?”
It’s a simple Dean Winchester method of turning the conversation back on the person when he starts getting threatened by the questioning. It’s not like he hasn’t done it to Sam ten million times (and it usually ends with Sam getting frustrated and soon the conversation ends). But it isn’t after Dean’s already put the question on the table that he realizes just exactly what he asked, and his mouth instantly clamps shut. Yeah, of course he kind of wants to know, but no, no, he definitely does not want to know if it’s going to change the dynamics of this whole happy relationship they’ve got going.
Cas gives him an out, because he thinks it’s only fair after seeing the look that appears on Dean’s face after the question pops out of his mouth. “Do you want me to answer that question?”
Dean surprises both of them by croaking out, “Yeah.”
“Then, yes. I do.”
“But--” and it’s like Cas reads his fucking mind.
“Not without Sam, no.” And Dean’s mind is a little blown, to say the least.
And Dean imagines slipping Cas’ shirt off, making sure his kisses bruise and leave marks against his skin and Dean looks up at Sam who obviously wants to join and Dean waits for approval and says, “Can I, Sam?” and Sam hisses out a yes and--
“Dean,” Cas interrupts, and he’s rocking a little bit in the hammock because he’s shaking Dean’s shoulder. “Dean--”
And Dean rocks back and falls over and for a few seconds they just stare at each other, Cas with concern and Dean with a almost panicked, flustered stare. “I need to go,” Dean says.
“No, Dean, I did not mean--” Cas starts, and grabs his arm. Of course, Cas forgets that hammocks are fickle things and he wobbles off balance, Candide falling to the ground. Dean is halfway to standing when he catches Cas and they both end up tumbling to the ground. “Dean,” Cas says, and Dean doesn’t think he’s ever seen Cas all blushy and fluttery before. At least, not around him.
“Maybe I should go,” Dean says again.
“I didn’t mean--” Cas starts to say, and blinks. “Perhaps I should shut up.”
“Cas, you’re....you’re fine,” Dean murmurs, and ruffles his hair as if to calm him down. “Don’t worry, Cas. Don’t worry.” He helps both of them up and brushes Cas’ shoulders off.
Cas looks insanely worried, as if Dean is going to run off and never be seen again. “Please, I’m very sorry, I shouldn’t have started that.”
“Cas, Cas,” Dean keeps saying. He’s a little worried, he’s never seen Sam’s boyfriend nervous like this. And he just keeps babbling so Dean finally says, “Castiel,” and that shuts him up pretty quick. There’s a small pause as Dean lets him calm down a bit, because Cas looks like he has something to say. And with this nervous look and the conversation that prompted it, Dean would be lying if he said he wasn’t just a little interested in knowing what was coming next.
“Sam says you are very nomadic and I would not want you to leave for a long period of time again because I have made something awkward.” He shuffles under Dean’s hands on his shoulders. “Sam misses you a great deal when you leave. I would not like to see him like that again.” Because Cas still remembers when they were first together, the way Sam was when he would talk about Dean, the way he would look when Cas would catch him by himself with an almost heartbroken look on his face. (Sam told Cas about the six years he never saw Dean, what a surprise it was to see him after all that time and how glad he was to have his brother around again.)
And Dean just pulls Cas into a hug. It may have been a little bit awkward, with the whole I-might-have-imagined-you-in-bed-a-few-times thing, but Dean does it anyway. “I won’t leave. I promise. And if I do go,” Dean mentions, because he might have to leave some time, he doesn’t know, “it’s not because of this.” When he lets go, he makes sure to meet Cas’ eyes. “Promise.”
There’s another affectionate hair ruffle just to prove that Dean isn’t completely freaked by the whole thing. “Sorry I got you all damp,” he jokes. Dean, of course, didn’t think of the fact that he was still pretty wet when he hugged Cas, and now the front of Cas’ t-shirt is wet and clinging to him.
Cas shrugs and gives Dean a small smile. “It was worth it.”
“I’m gonna go inside and dry off,” Dean says. “I just came over here to make sure your pale skin wasn’t all damaged by sunburn.” When Cas gives him a small annoyed look, Dean laughs and claps him on the shoulder. The tension is a little better, but it’s not completely gone.
Which is why Dean figures he’ll have to talk to Sam about the whole thing. Because Cas wouldn’t have brought something like that up unless they had talked about it, and Dean would sure like to know how that conversation went.
When Sam comes home, Cas is a little more flustered than usual. (Like Cas is ever flustered.) Did something happen? Cas shrugs. He says not really. Sam asks if he’s sure, and Cas says yes.
It’s not that he doesn’t trust Cas, he just wonders what went on. Goddamn Thursdays.
Continued here.
Author: lilchibibunny and allhisengines
Rating: NC-17.
Word Count: 20,863.
Characters/Pairing: Sam/Cas, one-sided Sam/Dean, eventual Dean/Sam/Cas.
Disclaimer: Characters to Kripke and the CW.
Spoilers: None!
Warnings: It's an AU; incest.
Summary: Sam's finally gotten settled with Cas in his house, and then Dean comes back from a year-long absence and suddenly everything gets really complicated.
Author's Note: LOL OH MY GOD THIS IS FINALLY DONE. Really, this is all allhisengines fault, because we were just joking around with this and she wrote something serious, and then it was awesome so I had to build upon it, and somehow it became crazy and intense. We are actually pretty proud of this, since it's the first thing we've finished and wrote up and posted. (Actually, the more I look at it, the more I get nervous about posting it so I really just need to get it over with.) A huge thanks to morganoconner for taking a look over this before it was posted. <3
Dean has always been kind of a handyman. After all, with Dad working constantly and Mom with her accident not long after Sam was born, Dean had to take on the responsibilities of caring for the house. After all, cleaning the house was a big deal, and Sam was a fucking messy little brother. (Still is, actually.) But he learned how to fix a leaky faucet when he was about ten years old and had finally perfected omelets by the time he was eleven and Dean’s always been kind of good about that kind of stuff because he wanted Sam to live a life where you didn’t need to know long to heat milk for when you were five.
Dean ended up leaving right after Sam got the scholarship to college; he figured if Sam was moving away he had no real reason to stay at home. Before he left, Dean made sure to get Sam’s address, made sure he had Sam’s phone number, and he kept contact on a regular basis. He would send Sam postcards that his brother would tack on the dorm wall. They eventually filled the wall and Sam had to take them all down and put them in a book. Of course, that was because Sam didn’t see Dean for another six years, when Dad died. Dean came home for the funeral and said to Sam, “I’m staying.”
Sam had bought a little house, all nice with a small second story. He renovated it, fixed it up. Dean would come over to help because apparently Dean had spent most of his six years doing odd jobs, most of which were physical labor like construction and plumbing. (Which kind of sucked because then Dean would purposefully do obnoxious shit like pipe the sink wrong so that when Sam went to wash his hands he would get sprayed in the face and goddammit.) Although Dean had his own apartment, he would spend most of his nights on Sam’s couch, and eventually the guest room when Sam practically made him.
Of course, there are times when Sam still finds Dean on the couch when he gets up in the middle of the night.
Then Sam found Cas and everything became a little complicated.
_____
Look, Sam knows that lusting after your own brother is wrong. He gets that. But Dean...Dean’s always been there for him. Whenever he’d call during the six years Dean was away, Dean would always answer the phone, even if it was just to say, “Hey, can I call you back later, Sammy? I can call you on my lunch break, is that okay?” Dean was happy when Sam found himself Jess, but when Sam had gotten his undergraduate degree and moved out of his parent’s house, he realized Jess was just there to take Dean’s place. He just needed someone, and shortly before Dean came home, they called their relationship off and decided to be just friends.
And then Dean came and hung around all the time and obviously Sam doesn’t mind being willingly tortured when he sees a poor soaked Dean in the middle of his bathroom saying, “I’ve almost got it, Sam, this faucet is just being a huge bitch.”
Dean left for around a year after the couple he had come back for, said he had to go visit an old girlfriend. Apparently, Lisa let Dean stay with her for four years and they had a off and on relationship. However, still on pretty good terms, Dean was informed that he was to be her baby Ben’s godfather. Lisa wanted Dean to meet her fiancee (who was the baby’s father, not Dean--although Dean did tell Sam he thought it could be his) and also come to the baby’s christening, so Dean said his goodbyes to Sam and told him he’d be a while. Six months, maybe. A year, if he decided to take up his old boss on a job while he was in the area. He’d keep in touch, and Dean was always good about that kind of stuff.
So Sam was left with no brother and a huge house and it got a little lonely.
But then Sam found Cas; Cas who is pretty much the opposite of Dean. He’s a little bit shorter, is lean where Dean is more built, and he’s got bright blue eyes and a mop of impossibly messy hair. But they both have these really full lips and Sam’s kind of a sucker for that. Honestly, Cas is kind of everything Sam wanted. Cas works with the firm he interns at and the first conversation they had was about old Latin texts, which happened to be a hobby for both of them. Little conversations at the firm turned into little lunch time meetings, and finally lunch time meetings turned into coffee that happened to run into dinner time and then suddenly Sam’s on his couch with Cas on his lap and he’s trying his damnedest to get the most obscene moan out of Cas’ mouth that he can.
Sam actually convinces Cas to move in with him after a few months. Cas keeps his apartment for a few more months before the relationship starts to run on a year and both Cas and Sam are serious-relationship kind of guys. Cas isn’t a substitute for Dean, Sam realizes, he’s something different. There’s something about the way Cas smiles when he’s around Sam, how they can discuss the Dead Sea Scrolls or something and Cas has actually read the text and knows it and it might be the way Cas makes tuna salad sandwiches that won Sam over.
He doesn’t forget about Dean, but it’s not so bad now. Sometimes Dean will call or Sam will get a postcard and he’ll get this weird feeling that washes over him. He’s told Cas about Dean and vice versa, and both are pretty excited to meet one another. However, although Dean is pretty good about communication over a long period of time, something that he often neglects to mention is the part about him coming home.
Dean has a key to the house (probably kept it from the time Sam first moved in), so Cas’ first introduction to Dean was when Sam had him up on the counter and the door lock jiggled and they both heard, “Sammy? Sam, you here?” Sam can’t remember a time where he rushed so quickly to get himself put together and greet his brother.
“Kitchen,” Sam shouts, and whispers to Cas, “sorry, Dean has a key too,” and then Dean rounds the corner with this huge grin that quickly dissolves into an interested stare when he sees Cas.
They’re both still flushed when Cas puts his hand in Dean’s rough palms and Dean shakes his hand happily and says, “it’s about fucking time, Sam.”
“If you would have told me you were coming home, I might have been able to introduce you earlier,” Sam says.
Dean gives him a sheepish smile. “Well, I wanted to get settled first, goddammit.”
“When did you get in?” Sam asks.
Turns out Dean has been home a month before he sees Sam. Getting his little apartment that’s not too far away from Sam’s (and Cas’) house, juggling a few part-time jobs. He says he wanted to get himself together a little bit before he saw Sam, met his new boyfriend. Wanted to be presentable, Dean says.
Cas and Dean get along well, which is a little surprising to Sam. A pleasant surprise, of course, but they have very distinct, opposite personalities. They have heated discussions about some issues, but bit by bit they really catch on to each other. When Sam comments on it, Cas smiles. “He intrigues me,” Cas says, “because he pretends not to know much, but he’s very well-read for someone who constantly takes physical labor over an intellectual-type job.” (Dean was the one to get Sam hooked on books. Dean’s more of a Moby Dick person, while Sam would rather pick up War and Peace.)
“He thinks he’s not smart enough,” Sam says as he snuggles into Cas, who always seems to smell like vanilla and cider.
“I just don’t understand why anyone would underestimate themselves,” Cas shrugs, and returns to his report, re-reading it before they both fall asleep.
_____
It’s when Dean begins to do the yard work that things start to get a little bad.
“C’mon, Sam, it’s a mess out here,” Dean says one day. The yard looks scruffy, and neither Sam nor Cas really care. The inside of the house is kept clean, and the pool is kept in relatively neat order (it’s March when Dean brings up the whole yard thing, so the pool is still under the tarp, waiting for warmer weather).
“Dean, no one cares.”
“I care, dammit.” He looks outside. “You’ve always been kind of a pussy when it comes to yard work, though.”
Sam glares at him. “Shut up.”
Dean grins. “Well, I mean...it’s true. But I don’t mind doing it.” He sits back, thinks. “Do Thursdays work? I have off Thursdays most of the time, I could do it then.”
“Dean,” Sam says, “you really don’t have to. If it bothers you so much, we’ll get someone to do it or something.”
“Are you fucking with me?” Dean punches Sam pretty hard in the arm, which makes the younger brother yelp and punch him back. “Dude, I just said I would do it.”
“You work too much,” and this is a subject both Cas and Sam agree on. He’s got two part time jobs and then occasionally works as a bartender sometimes when his buddy is sick. Dean pretty much sleeps and then works and then sleeps.
“It’s therapeutic,” Dean shrugs. “Don’t get your panties in a bunch, Samantha. If I didn’t want to do it, I wouldn’t do it.”
And so on Thursdays, Sam will come home and Dean will be pushing the lawnmower or methodically trimming the bushes. He’s even planted flowers that he can take care of, and Sam teases Dean every so often about being such a good husband and Dean tells Sam to shut his freaking piehole. Sometimes Sam will catch Cas looking out the window to watch Dean with a concentrated look on his face.
“Perhaps he would like something to drink,” Cas says one day.
“Dean doesn’t like water,” Sam frowns, and they usually go grocery shopping on Fridays or Saturdays. He internally ticks down the list of things they do and don’t have.
“I’ll make lemonade,” Cas shrugs.
Sam watches when Cas takes it outside for Dean. He barks out a laugh when he sees Dean’s face and is amazed when Dean actually smiles and finishes the rest of it. When Cas comes back inside with a slight color to his cheeks (there’s a cool breeze outside so it must be that), Sam laughs. “Have you ever made lemonade before?”
Cas shakes his head. “I thought I would improvise.” Sam’s morbid curiosity makes him pour himself a small glass. Afterwards, he gently tells Cas that next time they will get the proper ingredients for lemonade and make it the right way...or buy some Kool-Aid or something because goddamn that stuff was horrendous.
______
Dean spends a lot of his time over their house despite having his own place. He keeps sleeping on the couch, much to Sam’s dismay. After all, he set up the guest room mainly for Dean and if he’s going to insist on crashing on the couch forever, well, Sam has no qualms about moving the couch to the guest room and getting a new one, if it has to come to that.
He asks Dean about it. Dean actually flushes a little. “The guest room is kind of close to your room,” Dean says.
“...Still waiting for you to get to the point, Dean,” Sam replies.
“Well, I thought I’d give Cas and you some privacy.” Dean gives a sloppy, lopsided shrug. “Didn’t want to interrupt anything because I was next door.”
Sam laughs. “Or is that because you didn’t want to hear us do it?”
“For fuck’s sake, you’re such a dick! I’m trying to be a polite house guest and trying not to interrupt possible sexy times and you have to make me sound like a fucking Peeping Tom, asshole,” Dean shouts like Sam laughs and laughs and laughs.
Dean uses the guest room the next night just to prove Sam wrong. Cas is surprised when Sam keeps putting a hand over his mouth, and when Sam whispers that Dean could probably hear them, it’s like Cas does whatever he can to make Sam scream.
It’s the best sex they’ve had in a while.
____
Sam remembers coming in on Dean laughing with Cas huffing just a little bit and it’s a little bit of a surprise. Dean only really laughs like that with Sam. (He’s seen him out in public chuckling, but there’s something about the way Dean’s eyes crinkle that let Sam know it’s a special laugh that’s just for him.) “What’s up?”
“You never told me Cas’ full name,” Dean says, grinning. He pulls his brother close, who pretends to be disgusted by the fact Dean is all sweaty and wet from pushing the mower outside and he only has a tank top on.
“It is not funny, Dean,” Cas says, leaning back against the counter and cocking his hip ever so slightly to the side like he does when he gets an attitude. (Sam’s seen it a few times. It’s pretty adorable.)
“Aww, Castiel,” Dean coos, and Sam sees the little reaction in gets from Cas, who immediately jerks his hips back into place and hides some emotion behind his little glare at Dean.
“Sam, tell your brother I am stronger than I look, and if he insists on using my full name to mock me, I will give him a proper punch.”
“Aww, Cas, c’mon,” Sam teases, “Dean will be nice about it even though he’s an asshole,” and he gives his brother a sharp poke to his side and Dean jerks, making sure to run his hand into Sam’s hair and flop it so it tangles. Sam huffs and Dean winks at him.
“I promise I’ll be nice about it, Cas,” Dean says and Cas gives him a glare.
“There is a reason I prefer a nickname, you know.”
“C’mere, angel cake,” Dean says playfully, and Cas is both equally surprised Dean understands the angel reference of his namesake and also pissed that Dean keeps poking fun. Cas pouts as Dean pulls him into a hug. “I think it’s a nice name,” Dean continues, and Sam watches Cas’ face flush when Dean ruffles his hair affectionately. “Sorry to get your feathers in a bunch, Cas.”
“It’s fine.”
Dean grins evilly. “Well, Castiel is a better name than Samantha, anyway.”
Sam instantly reacts like he always does when Dean teases him with that and immediately says, “Fuck you, Dean,” and gives a small slap to Dean’s face, which always spurs Dean into action. The brothers wrestle it out while Cas tells them to watch out for the china, please.
____
And then summer comes and everything just comes out into the open. Because summer means it’s time for the pool to open and Dean will not let them have the pool guy come when Dean will do it for free. (His only fee is, of course, getting to use the pool. Why use the public one at his apartment building when he can come to his brother’s house and not have to worry about ten thousand little kids?)
There is a problem. Because Sam has already seen Dean mowing shirtless once and that wasn’t goddamn fair and if he was going to clean the pool and swim in it Sam probably isn’t going to survive. Besides, the pool guy he’s always hired always keeps his shirt on and isn’t terribly attractive so it’s always been no big deal. “I’m already mowing the lawn, Sam,” Dean says, “and I helped Lisa with her pool, so it’s not like I don’t know how.”
So now it’s May and Thursdays have become pool days and Sam’s having a hard time dealing.
It also appears that Cas is having a hard time dealing as well. Sam’s caught Cas doing little mix-ups like scratching himself with the potato peeler or getting pen ink on his shirt, but never outright staring. (Not like recently.)
Because Dean is out there with his shirt off, hair all mused and damp from sweat and he’s skimming the pool, humming a Zeppelin song like he does this every damn day. Sam remembers the time when Dean came inside and just grabbed some water when it was Cas’ turn to make lunch. Sam was seated at the little bar-counter while Cas was cutting the carrots and suddenly Dean’s just there, apologizing for barging in but he just had to get something to drink.
He sets his glass on the counter beside Cas and pours the Kool-Aid from the pitcher (because Dean’s really twelve on the inside and loves the strawberry kind) and Sam is having a hard time trying not to notice he can smell the gasoline and cut grass from the mower and somehow that is a huge turn-on right now.
He doesn’t notice Cas having a hard time until Cas accidentally slices himself with the knife he’s been using to cut the carrots with.
Dean, who had been drinking his strawberry Kool-Aid, instantly brings the glass away and--fuck--spills some on himself. “Where are your bandaids?” Dean asks calmly as he gently grabs Cas’ hand to inspect just how deep Cas cut himself. (Dean had been beaten up and scratched and cut so many times on his various construction stints that he was a pretty good judge on whether or not something needed stitches.)
“I’ll get them,” Sam says, heading towards the bathroom and trying to calm himself because this is all waaaaaaay too much. When he comes back, he peeks around the corner and Dean is up in Cas’ space, looking intently at his hand. Meanwhile, Cas’ face is red and he is staring at Dean’s face with this kind of glazed look and that’s when Sam feels a little streak of jealousy hit him. Dean touching Cas while Cas is looking like that at Dean when only Sam should look at Dean like that and--whoa. Whoa. Sam mentally shakes himself because those feelings are just a little too complicated for this moment.
He expects to be jealous that Cas is looking at Dean like that, but the feeling of Dean touching Cas like that without Sam there surprises Sam because it’s so intense. He won’t lie that maybe after that he has some daydreams about finding Dean and Cas in the kitchen almost, almost kissing and then being all embarrassed and ashamed when Sam comes in and then Sam lets them go ahead and go for it because it’s pretty hot and he leans against the counter and watches for a bit and finally you know Cas is going to pull him in--whew.
The point being he’s kind of glad he’s jealous about someone else touching Cas like that because it means he really does care about Cas. (Sometimes he was afraid this stupid attraction to his brother was going to overshadow the way he felt about Cas, but not anymore.)
Sam has never told Cas about the way he feels about Dean. Mostly because he doesn’t want to freak Cas out. Also Sam is pretty sure he’s never going to act on it since Dean probably doesn’t feel the same carefree way about incest that Sam has gotten used to. But, honestly, Sam’s jealous when he sees people look at Dean like they want nothing more than to push him up against a wall and have at it. (Mostly because he’ll probably never get to.) And then he sees Cas one Thursday outright staring at Dean through the glass porch doors, watching him with this half-lidded look and his mouth kind of open and Jesus fuckin’ Christ it’s really hot to see Cas like that but it’s his brother that’s prompting that response and Sam is all kinds of conflicted about that.
_______
Sam would like to say it was unexpected, but he hasn’t been able to stop seeing Cas at the window, watching Dean clean the skimmers--skimmers, for fucks sake. He’s been having a hard time making eye contact with both of them since then which made dinner an awkward event.
Their room is dark and quiet but for their breathing and Cas is over him, working on ridding him of the last vestiges of their clothes; the rest currently decorating their floor. When Cas tucks his fingertips into the waist of his boxer briefs Sam surprises himself.
“I saw you watching him today, you know,” he says and if he could kick himself he would. He is nearly completely sure that telling your partner that you have an incestuous lust for your brother is kind of a deal breaker and hadn’t really been planning on mentioning it.
But Cas stills his hands and looks up through his lashes at Sam and there is a considered and palpable pause before Cas resumes his work, pulling Sam’s underwear down enough that Sam can work them off himself as Cas licks and kisses his way back up Sam’s body.
Sam gets impatient and hoists Cas up to kiss him, perhaps more desperate than intended but Sam’s been worked up all day. He moves to kiss down Cas’ cheek and neck before tangling their legs to flip them over. He bites at Cas’ clavicles and presses him down at the shoulders and repeats himself.
“I saw you watching him today.”
Cas’ eyes fall shut and he presses his head back into the pillows as Sam scrapes his fingernails down his sides. He traces his fingers across Cas’ stomach, from one hip to the other, before wrapping his hand around him, finally eliciting some sort of response even if it is just a small hum of satisfaction. Cas is still not acknowledging Sam catching him ogling his brother, so he tries again.
“When he was cleaning the pool. I’m sure you remember. He had just finished mowing and was cleaning the skimmers,” he says and licks up Cas’ throat. And Sam doesn’t quite know what possesses him to keep going, but at this point he figures it probably isn’t going to make a difference. He’s hard as hell just from thinking about all the possibilities and so he just keeps talking.
“On his knees, shirtless because it has been so damn hot out,” Sam says, breath damp against Castiel’s neck as he licks and bites between words, “and you can see the sweat collecting in the small of his back.” Cas pushes up into Sam’s hand, urging him to go faster, and moans.
Sam is having a hard time catching his breath just from saying this out loud, to anybody, but especially to Cas, who is apparently enjoying this also and Sam is reeling so he risks telling him what preoccupies his own thoughts. “It makes you want to lick all that sweat away or imagine how your hands would slip against his skin, trying to pull him closer, harder against you. Just imagine, being pressed so close together, stroking him just like I am you right now, and when he comes your stomachs are slick and sliding toget-”
He’s cut off when Cas moans like it hurts and nearly jack-knifes as his legs tense and comes all over Sam’s hand and stomach, their stomachs slick just like in his filthy story and Sam can barely handle it. He sits back on Cas’ hips and begins to jerk himself, frantic, before Cas grabs his hands to stop him. Cas motions for him to scoot up and Sam feels like he might not ever breathe again.
Right before Cas takes him into his mouth he says “tell me more” and Sam is considering losing consciousness. He cups Cas’ face in his hand, the ends of his fingers feeling his damp hairline, and continues. He is having trouble concentrating but knows this won’t take long, anyway.
“And after, he would lick his way down my chest before taking me in his mouth, just like you are now. It would feel near perfect and just think about what his hair would feel like in your fingers or his lips wrapped around you,” Sam knows he’s rambling now but then he feels Cas moan around him and it’s over. He comes hard down Cas’ throat and makes the monumental effort of getting himself settled next Cas instead of collapsing straight over him.
It’s quiet in their room as Cas gets up and grabs a washcloth to wipe them down as Sam tries to recover. The light in the bathroom shuts off and Sam feels more than hears Cas get back into bed. Sam’s half asleep when they get tangled together in their shared sheets and Cas pulls him in for a deep kiss. He gives him a few light kisses on the cheek and face before tucking his head into Sam’s shoulder.
Seems to Sam like they’ll have to discuss this new development in the morning and that may be the worst and most awkward moment of Sam’s life but he doesn’t feel frantic at the moment. Until then, he’s content and happy to be tangled in the bed he shares with the best thing he knows besides his own brother.
____
Cas wakes up in the morning to see Sam staring at him from the pillow. His cheeks automatically flush even though he’s not really embarrassed. Sam watches him shuffle and move in the covers, deciding to lay on his side because Sam’s giving him the look he usually does when he wants to say something important. But he doesn’t say anything and just leans forward to give Cas a small kiss. (Sam does remember things like when he wakes up he has morning breath and that’s not something he really wants to share.)
“Sam,” Cas murmurs.
“I should probably get ready for work.” He starts to move when Cas grabs his hand. For such a lean man, Cas really is stronger than he looks.
“Sam, I think we need to discuss last night,” and when he says last night, underneath Sam hears ‘Thursday nights’.
“When I get home?” Sam honestly does think they probably do need to discuss this, but the last thing he needs on his mind is this discussion when he’s at work. “Please.”
Cas nods. “When you get home, then.” Both of them are what Dean likes to call ‘touchy-feely’ and that they like to ‘vomit feelings’. They do prefer talking and neither of them are ashamed to tell the other how they feel.
Unfortunately, Sam has been skirting around the issue that he has a thing for his brother and he’s not sure how exactly to put it. He almost doesn’t want to say it out loud, like if it’s said then it means he can’t deny it anymore. Not like he denies it to himself, but Sam is hyper-aware of the taboo and how people react.
“After dinner, then?” Sam says.
Cas nods, shifting under the covers. On Fridays he goes into work late, so he usually takes the time to sleep in. “If you would prefer.”
____
Sam and Cas share very often, which is why they have such a close and happy relationship. If anything bothers them, it’s usually out in the open within a matter of days and then swiftly dealt with. But Sam has never told anyone about the Dean thing and Cas kind of gets that he’s probably not going to really talk about it. Sam could see this morning that Cas realized Sam wasn’t probably going to tell him everything. It’s not like they don’t have secrets, but when the secrets start interfering with the future of their relationship, that’s when Cas cares.
So it really shouldn’t surprise Sam when he walks in the living room that Dean is there, asleep on the couch, and Cas is kneeled next to him, gently brushing the hair from his temple.
Sam doesn’t think he’s been more conflicted about something in his entire life. He’s jealous that Cas is touching Dean, angry that Cas is being so intimate with not just someone else but his brother, kind of turned on at the possibilities, and it all surges and churns under the surface.
It gets worse when Cas lowers his head to give Dean a small kiss on the forehead and looks up to meet Sam’s eyes.
Sam has to grip the door frame.
Cas looks down at Dean and then back to Sam, obviously asking Sam what he should do. But Sam can’t respond, he’s got no words, and it’s awful how turned on he is right now. Cas hasn’t even done anything and already Sam’s head is full of the possibilities he’s imagined once or twice or three times.
Cas looks a little nervous and Sam realizes he hasn’t actually touched Dean before this. Not in that way, at least. Probably wouldn’t even imagine actually touching him because Cas is already taken and that’s his boyfriend’s brother and Cas is a good boy. Cas lets his finger trail lightly over Dean’s face in smooth, purposeful motions. They trace his cheekbone, the edge of his jaw, come up to lightly brush over his lips and Sam really shouldn’t be this hard right now.
Cas lets his fingers run through Dean’s hair a couple times before Dean stirs and cants his head to meet Cas’ hand as his fingers card through the little flip of Dean’s hair, making sure to follow the way it’s styled. And then Cas’ fingers travel down Dean’s neck and he looks up to Sam and it’s obvious they’re both deep in it now. Cas really hasn’t even done anything bad. He’s basically just run his fingers through Dean’s hair while he was asleep.
Sam shakes his head. No, no, they have to talk about it first. Although he knows Cas is going to bring this up and Sam’s not excited about that. But then Cas pushes Sam back into the kitchen and grinds against him, hissing, “After dinner, Sam,” and Sam has no choice but to babble into Cas’ mouth, “Yes, yes, after dinner, I promise.”
When Dean wakes up, Sam’s stirring the spaghetti sauce and Cas is checking on the garlic bread. Like nothing ever happened.
Friday night is when they have dinner together. This time Sam and Cas keep catching each other’s eye, but Dean is having such a good time laughing about his work stories that he doesn’t seem to mind. (Dean’s not oblivious to the tension, but he just thinks it’s something Cas and Sam will work out. No big.) They get into his stories eventually since Dean’s so animated about it, but he still catches their tense little glances.
_____
When dinner’s over, Dean grabs the plates and places them in the sink. “I’ll get these later,” he says.
Sam blinks. Dean usually does dishes (he says it’s his job since they cook) right after dinner. “Dean?”
Dean grins. “You guys need to talk something out. I’m just gonna swim in the pool for a little bit and I’ll see how everything is when I come back in for a towel.” With no other warning, he waves and slips out the porch door, leaving Sam and Cas alone.
“Sometimes I forget how perceptive your brother is,” Cas says, watching the porch door close.
“Me too,” Sam agrees.
There’s a pause while they think about that for a little. They hear Dean shout to himself and a huge splash that Sam could swear made water hit the glass door. “You’ve thought about him for a while,” and Cas’ voice is low and soothing.
Sam flushes and gets up from the table, his chair scritching on the kitchen tile. “Might have crossed my mind once or twice.”
“You never told me.”
“Never told anyone,” Sam says and he’s still not meeting Cas’ eyes. “I know it’s wrong. I just...stopped caring.” He places his drinking glass on the counter, muses about getting some wine out. He could really fucking use it right now. “I’ve never done anything with him, Cas.”
“I know, Sam.” He hears Cas get up from the table.
“He doesn’t know.” Sam lets out a sad chuckle. “I don’t think he even realizes you like him, but Dean’s kind of stupid that way--”
“Sam,” Cas says gently, closer.
“And I know you have a thing for him, that’s fine, I’m pretty sure we both go for guys and girls--” Sam is rambling now.
“Sam.”
“And I know how you look at him.” Sam finally meets Cas’ eyes. “I know because I give him those same looks.”
“I wouldn’t do anything.”
“I know you wouldn’t.” A small, sad smile tugs on Sam’s face and he runs his fingers down Cas’ cheek. “But you want to.”
“I don’t go to bed with Dean, Sam.” His eyes are bright, boring into Sam’s. “I sleep with you.”
Sam’s eyes dart around Cas’ face, refusing to pause. “Would you sleep with him? If you had the chance?”
Cas doesn’t even hesitate. “Only if you were there.” And Sam feels a sudden punch of arousal at the possibilities of that statement and it kind of leaves him breathless. They hear Dean splash around in the background. “I would want you with us.”
“Cas,” Sam chokes out.
“If you want it, I don’t mind.” He rolls his eyes at himself. “Obviously.”
Sam closes his eyes. “It’s not going to happen, Cas. Not to mention Dean...probably doesn’t feel that way.”
“Have you ever asked?” Cas counters, and Sam jumps.
“No! God, no! Just because I wouldn’t mind having sex with him doesn’t mean I would ruin our relationship,” Sam mutters, shaking his head. “It’s fine.”
“Obviously it isn’t if it’s starting to bleed into our sex life,” Cas says. Neither of them mention that it really played into both their fantasies.
Sam starts a couple sentences but can’t really piece them all together. Of course Cas makes it sound like a good idea. But then he thinks about it and thinks about what Dean would say and honestly, Sam would be happier the way things are now than having Dean no longer talk to him the rest of his life. Or act weird. Or basically not be Dean.
Cas watches Sam’s face and then, with a determined look, grabs the side of Sam’s head and forces him to look at him. “Sam. You have to tell him. I’m not going to say that I’ll tell him, because that is not my place, but I really do believe you need to do this. Please,” Cas says, using his thumbs to lightly rubs circles on Sam’s temples. “Just think about it.”
Sam just leans in and grabs Cas, pulling them close as he kisses him. He doesn’t want to think anymore about it right now. Cas understands this fact when Sam lifts him up and places him on the counter. Cas murmurs his name to him while Sam kisses and bites down his neck, pushing Cas’ shirt aside when it gets in his way. “No talking,” Sam says. “Not right now.” And he bites down hard on the base of Cas’ neck, grinding against him, making him gasp and arch his back and--
“Um.” And there is Dean, dripping wet all over their floor, carrying his wet shirt at his side with a nice full body blush going. “I--look--sorry,” he halts through many sentence starters before he finally starts going. “I will make sure to take a long time drying off,” he says, trying not to stare but obviously failing pretty hard, “and then come back to do the dishes, I guess.” He goes into the hallway and they both hear him practically bound up the stairs.
They make sure to be a little quiet for Dean’s sake, but Sam finds himself talking just like he did last night, whispering awful little things and Cas has to clench his jaw to keep from making obscene sounds.
When Dean comes back, the dishes are done and Cas apologizes while Sam puts the leftovers in the fridge. Dean just shrugs it off and claps Cas on the back and says something about Winchester stamina and Sam has to turn around and beg him to please shut the fuck up, Dean, and Dean just laughs and laughs and laughs.
It’s their little way of turning it back to normal. Because when Dean came down the stairs there was something heavy in the room, like Dean didn’t know what to do and that’s so strange. Dean always has something to say or some random place for a conversation to turn. But he just came in, with jeans and a sweatshirt, shuffling in like a kid who got caught doing something bad. That’s when Cas decided to say he was sorry, that they should know better than to attempt those things when they know Dean is in the house. And that’s when Dean loosened up, smiled, started to act like himself.
But for a second, it was weird. Not bad weird. Just...weird.
______
This new turn of events is no good, because now instead of just pretending that everything is okay and normal, it’s obviously not. Sam is acting a little strangely around Cas because, well, he knows and Sam feels awkward interacting with Dean when Cas is around because, well, he feels like Cas is watching him, waiting for him to say something, to do anything to alert Dean to his feelings. And Dean, well, Dean is just a little awkward period. Sam is sure that has something to do with the whole ‘sorry-i-caught-you-groping-on-the-kitchen-counter’. (Contrary to what some people might think, Sam and Dean never walked in on each other doing something sexual. Dean never brought anyone to the house for sex and Sam always made sure to knock because if he did catch Dean jerking it, he probably wouldn’t survive.)
In fact, it’s almost like Cas is making sure to be around every corner or happen to push Sam into Dean when they are all in the house together and it’s annoying as fuck. Of course, Sam knows Cas is tenacious, but he’s never been on the receiving end of that. (Not counting what happens in the bedroom.) And apparently Cas is expecting Sam to spill his guts now that he’s supporting telling Dean how he feels and Sam...he wants to. He’s always wanted to tell Dean. But the problem is exactly that. Sam knows the game changes once he tells Dean, “No, I love you love you,” and everything in their relationship is nothing how it used to be. And Sam’s not sure he wants that. He likes things the way they’ve always been.
He tells Cas this.
Which has the expected reaction. “Sam. You need to let him know. You cannot let this eat you up inside.”
“Cas, I’m fine with the way things are,” he hisses as Dean passes by the window, a streak of dirt across his forehead, sleeves rolled up to expose his biceps as he drags a large something, face deep in concentration. Dean likes doing the yardwork, he said. Gives him time to think...or not think, if he wanted. So it’s not a surprise that he doesn’t look up at them, doesn’t acknowledge them as he passes by. Sam lets his eyes linger, and when he brings his gaze back to Cas, his boyfriend is very obviously not happy.
“I don’t approve of this, Sam. Even if your feelings are not conventional,” and even though Cas doesn’t wince, Sam flinches a little, “you need to tell him. Perhaps he will feel the same.”
“He won’t.” Probably. Dean’s normal. He’s a good guy. He doesn’t perv his brother. “I’m surprised you don’t have a problem with it.”
Cas blinks. “My family is unconventional as well,” is all he says. “But at least we are open with each other.”
Sam shakes his head. “Stop it. I’ll tell him when it’s right.”
“You mean you won’t tell him at all,” Cas clarifies, grabbing Sam’s arm, trying to pull him back. “It’s not healthy to keep secrets that long. You two are far too close to let something like this disturb your bond.”
Sam tugs his arm back. “We’re just close enough that it might drive him away. And I’d rather keep it like it is than risk that.” When Cas opens his mouth to speak, Sam cuts him off. “That’s it, Cas. I don’t want to mention it anymore.” He doesn’t turn around to see Cas’ dark look, Sam just opens the front door and sits on the porch, curving his back to sit his elbows on his knees. Dammit. The shit part about it is Cas isn't the kind of guy to just forget about things, and he recognizes now how much it affects Sam. (He had admitted to Sam that he suspected something was up between Dean and Sam, but he had no idea that it was of the taboo-variety; Cas assumed that a fight had happened long ago, Dean did something Sam didn’t approve of or vice versa.)
“Something on your mind?” Sam looks up to see Dean standing there, dirt spattered, grinning at him. His sleeves are still rolled up, gardening gloves on, toolbelt hanging off his hip and he just looks kind of perfect. Sam just stares up and him and Dean takes off a glove, then reaches down to ruffle his hair, laughing. “You okay, Sammy?” And all Sam wants to do is grab his shirt and kiss him and lick the sweat off his neck and make him moan and writhe and get them dirty as fuck and--
“I’m okay, Dean.”
“You’ve been acting a little weird lately,” he mentions conversationally. Obviously Dean’s a little worried, but Sam knows he won’t push it if Sam doesn’t want to talk about it. Dean’s fingers curl in his hair, and it’s been a long time since he’s done this; their mom used to pet their hair, and when she died Dean took up the habit to calm his little brother. “Everything okay with Cas?”
“We’re just disagreeing on something,” Sam says, unconsciously canting his head to Dean’s touch. “It’ll pass.”
“Okay, Sammy.” Dean’s fingers make one last pass through his hair and then he’s putting the glove back on. “I mean, if you need to talk, you know I’m here.” His smile is teasing. “I’m good for other things than yardwork, y’know.”
Sam looks up and raises an eyebrow. “You are?”
Cas watches as Dean pretends to be offended and catches Sam in a headlock, purposefully rubbing his dirty gloves on Sam’s hair and hearing Sam yell for Dean to stop it, now he’s going to have to take a shower, good job asshole.
He did promise Sam he wouldn’t say anything, but he’s seen the way Dean looks at them now when he thinks they aren’t looking. There’s something more than affection. Cas knows it.
_______
Sam knows that Cas has a slight tendency to bring up inappropriate subjects and think nothing of it. It’s kind of a hilarious (and sometimes adorable) character flaw. Hilarious in that he usually just makes peoples’ mouths drop open because they are not prepared for the swift subject change, and adorable in that Cas asks Sam ridiculous questions out of the blue like, “I wonder how fluffy baby chickens feel. Have you ever felt a baby chicken, Sam?” (Sam actually has, and he does take Cas to a small farm--the one that Ash owns, a close family friend--and has him hold a tiny chick. Sam could not get enough of Cas’ face as he pet the tiny little chicken and poked at its small little wings.)
So, sometimes when Cas brings up random subjects, it turns into adorable and cute occurrences. This is not one of those times.
Sam is actually not around to witness it. This Thursday Sam happens to be part of a meeting with what could become a key client, and so it’s just Cas and Dean this day, Cas tidying around the house while Dean works outside. Cas will peek outside the windows every so often to watch Dean mow and trim and tend to his flowers. Eventually lunch time rolls around, and Dean and Cas eat together, per usual. It’s not really a big deal. They have chicken and some kind of sauce that Dean can’t really pronounce the name of, but it’s actually pretty good. (They always have the weird, fancy foods around here because Sam can’t handle a fucking simple cheeseburger.)
But it isn’t lunch where Cas asks hideously inappropriate questions.
Dean cleaned the pool earlier today, mostly because it just needed a good skim and then he could move on to the more physically demanding items for the day. And, of course, after the yard work was done, Dean could just grab a fucking floating lawn chair with one of the cupholder things and sit and drink beer until Sam got home.
Dean knows he smells like cut grass and sweat and gas, so he really hopes the chlorine washes it all away. About ten minutes into swimming, Dean notices Cas asleep on the hammock.
The hammock is actually a really nice, really big one, hanging safely between two nice-sized trees. They chose an extra big one because Sam kept hanging off the regular ones, and Cas didn’t want to be the only one swinging in it. Dean gets out of the pool and grins. Maybe he should shake his short hair over Cas, startle him and have a little laugh.
Cas is asleep, Candide sitting on his chest, his little reading glasses hanging right off his nose. It’s criminal how cute he looks, just hanging out in the backyard, surrounded by this huge hammock on either side, glasses threatening to fall off with the slightest touch.
Dean changes his mind. Maybe he’ll just shake Cas awake and tell him he’s going inside to get dry or something. (He doesn’t really need to wake Cas up. It’s not necessary. So why is he all worked up about it? Stop it, Winchester, you stop that shit right now.) Dean reasons that Cas is almost in the sunlight, and eventually it could shine through the trees and Cas would have little spots of sunburn and, though potentially hilarious, Dean doesn’t want to see Cas have to go through that.
“Cas,” and whoa, whoa, fucking whoa, change your tone, Dean, where the hell did that come from, “hey, Cas.” He puts an arm on his shoulder, shaking him gently. Cas mumbles something, and Dean kneels down and for some fucked up reason says, “Castiel.” He actually really likes to say Cas’ full name; he doesn’t understand why more people don’t use it. Probably ‘cause they’ll say it incorrectly.
But Cas does open his eyes at that and when he sees Dean’s face pretty damn close to his own, he kind of stutters, “Hello, Dean.” His glasses fall off as he shifts, picking up the book on his chest and dog-earring the page he was on to save the spot.
“I was just going inside,” and Dean hasn’t felt this stupid and embarrassed in a long time. “Did you need anything?” He can feel the pool water dripping off him, rolling down his cheeks and off his nose.
“I don’t.” And there’s something so fucking strange underneath both their voices and Cas has this really intense stare that Dean doesn’t usually mind but right now it’s really getting to him.
“You sure?” Dean tries to lighten the mood just a little by adding, “I might get some egg salad, if you wanted some.”
Cas shakes his head and his eyes aren’t leaving Dean’s and Dean feels heat rising in his cheeks. (What the--Dean Winchester doesn’t blush, what is this nonsense?) “I’m fine, Dean.” And all Dean can see right now is his brother pushing Cas on the counter, biting down his neck, Cas with his head thrown back making these wanton noises and Sam’s voice is gravely and rough-- “Is something the matter, Dean?” Cas asks. “You’re a little red.”
“I’m fine, Cas,” Dean says immediately, giving Cas a big grin. “So I’m just--”
“Do you ever have fantasies about us, Dean?” and probably the best part about that question is how conversational Cas makes it sound, like he’s asking Dean how the weather is.
“I--what?” Dean stammers, laughing. “What, Cas?”
Cas isn’t laughing, he just tilts his head. His glasses are still on his chest, getting caught on his shirt as he leans forward in the hammock. “Have you ever had any fantasies about Sam and
I?”
“Jesus Christ, Cas,” Dean mutters, and yeah, Dean’s face is definitely red. “What kind of question is that?”
“It’s a fairly simple, straight-forward question,” Cas replies. “It only really requires a yes or no answer?” he elaborates, raising an eyebrow.
“I forgot how quickly you get to the point,” Dean finds himself saying.
“It’s a character flaw,” Cas admits, shrugging.
Dean really doesn’t know what to say. Yeah, sure, there have been times he’s been spanking it and they may happen to pop in his head, but it’s not like he actively jerks off with Sam and Cas’ name on his lips. They’ll just happen to work their way in there is all. People think about weird stuff when they do that all the time. Although now it’s a little worse because Dean caught them right in the middle of something, so now Dean has a real situation to work with and his brain doesn’t seem to want to let him forget it. “You are thinking quite hard,” Cas murmurs softly, startling Dean. “I wouldn’t mind hearing your thoughts.”
“Well, I mean,” Dean says, distracting himself by reaching over and plucking Cas’ glasses up where they are dangling dangerously on his shirt, “it’s not really a straightforward question, if you think about it. People think about stuff all the time when it pops in their head. They may not necessarily be daydreaming about it.” He unfolds the glasses and places them back on Cas’ head.
“Are you thinking about it more now?” Cas asks, and gently wraps his hand around Dean’s wrist before Dean lets go of the glasses, effectively holding Dean in place.
“W-wha--why?” Dean asks. What is this?
“I am curious, Dean.”
“Why are you curious, Cas?”
“Why won’t you answer my question?” Cas asks, and Dean can feel his cheeks flush again, this time in anger and frustration and a bit of embarrassment.
“Fine, yes, of course I am,” Dean says angrily. “What a stupid question. Yes, and that’s only because I caught you guys almost doing it and yeah, it’ll pop up in my head.” Dean wants to get out of here. He feels like something important is happening right here, like something is changing the more this conversation continues, and he doesn’t know how to get it back.
“You seem embarrassed about that,” Cas says and Dean wants to laugh.
“You serious? Fuck yeah it’s embarrassing,” Dean replies, shaking his head. “You don’t think about those kind of things, especially when one part of the happy couple you’re thinking of is your brother.” The funny part about this whole conversation is that Cas just seems to take it all pretty well, like it’s not as if Dean’s admitting something awful. He’s just looking at Dean with this curious little stare, like, ‘Yes, please go on, tell me more.’ And Dean does the worst thing in the world he could possibly do and counters it with, “What, have you been thinking about me?”
It’s a simple Dean Winchester method of turning the conversation back on the person when he starts getting threatened by the questioning. It’s not like he hasn’t done it to Sam ten million times (and it usually ends with Sam getting frustrated and soon the conversation ends). But it isn’t after Dean’s already put the question on the table that he realizes just exactly what he asked, and his mouth instantly clamps shut. Yeah, of course he kind of wants to know, but no, no, he definitely does not want to know if it’s going to change the dynamics of this whole happy relationship they’ve got going.
Cas gives him an out, because he thinks it’s only fair after seeing the look that appears on Dean’s face after the question pops out of his mouth. “Do you want me to answer that question?”
Dean surprises both of them by croaking out, “Yeah.”
“Then, yes. I do.”
“But--” and it’s like Cas reads his fucking mind.
“Not without Sam, no.” And Dean’s mind is a little blown, to say the least.
And Dean imagines slipping Cas’ shirt off, making sure his kisses bruise and leave marks against his skin and Dean looks up at Sam who obviously wants to join and Dean waits for approval and says, “Can I, Sam?” and Sam hisses out a yes and--
“Dean,” Cas interrupts, and he’s rocking a little bit in the hammock because he’s shaking Dean’s shoulder. “Dean--”
And Dean rocks back and falls over and for a few seconds they just stare at each other, Cas with concern and Dean with a almost panicked, flustered stare. “I need to go,” Dean says.
“No, Dean, I did not mean--” Cas starts, and grabs his arm. Of course, Cas forgets that hammocks are fickle things and he wobbles off balance, Candide falling to the ground. Dean is halfway to standing when he catches Cas and they both end up tumbling to the ground. “Dean,” Cas says, and Dean doesn’t think he’s ever seen Cas all blushy and fluttery before. At least, not around him.
“Maybe I should go,” Dean says again.
“I didn’t mean--” Cas starts to say, and blinks. “Perhaps I should shut up.”
“Cas, you’re....you’re fine,” Dean murmurs, and ruffles his hair as if to calm him down. “Don’t worry, Cas. Don’t worry.” He helps both of them up and brushes Cas’ shoulders off.
Cas looks insanely worried, as if Dean is going to run off and never be seen again. “Please, I’m very sorry, I shouldn’t have started that.”
“Cas, Cas,” Dean keeps saying. He’s a little worried, he’s never seen Sam’s boyfriend nervous like this. And he just keeps babbling so Dean finally says, “Castiel,” and that shuts him up pretty quick. There’s a small pause as Dean lets him calm down a bit, because Cas looks like he has something to say. And with this nervous look and the conversation that prompted it, Dean would be lying if he said he wasn’t just a little interested in knowing what was coming next.
“Sam says you are very nomadic and I would not want you to leave for a long period of time again because I have made something awkward.” He shuffles under Dean’s hands on his shoulders. “Sam misses you a great deal when you leave. I would not like to see him like that again.” Because Cas still remembers when they were first together, the way Sam was when he would talk about Dean, the way he would look when Cas would catch him by himself with an almost heartbroken look on his face. (Sam told Cas about the six years he never saw Dean, what a surprise it was to see him after all that time and how glad he was to have his brother around again.)
And Dean just pulls Cas into a hug. It may have been a little bit awkward, with the whole I-might-have-imagined-you-in-bed-a-few-times thing, but Dean does it anyway. “I won’t leave. I promise. And if I do go,” Dean mentions, because he might have to leave some time, he doesn’t know, “it’s not because of this.” When he lets go, he makes sure to meet Cas’ eyes. “Promise.”
There’s another affectionate hair ruffle just to prove that Dean isn’t completely freaked by the whole thing. “Sorry I got you all damp,” he jokes. Dean, of course, didn’t think of the fact that he was still pretty wet when he hugged Cas, and now the front of Cas’ t-shirt is wet and clinging to him.
Cas shrugs and gives Dean a small smile. “It was worth it.”
“I’m gonna go inside and dry off,” Dean says. “I just came over here to make sure your pale skin wasn’t all damaged by sunburn.” When Cas gives him a small annoyed look, Dean laughs and claps him on the shoulder. The tension is a little better, but it’s not completely gone.
Which is why Dean figures he’ll have to talk to Sam about the whole thing. Because Cas wouldn’t have brought something like that up unless they had talked about it, and Dean would sure like to know how that conversation went.
When Sam comes home, Cas is a little more flustered than usual. (Like Cas is ever flustered.) Did something happen? Cas shrugs. He says not really. Sam asks if he’s sure, and Cas says yes.
It’s not that he doesn’t trust Cas, he just wonders what went on. Goddamn Thursdays.
Continued here.