Im an enormous hypocrite i know . . . but i cant help but get upset when i think of you cutting and so on. I suppose that worrying hypocritically atleast means that i've maintained some sense of morality, hooray. Funny how we're different that way . . . 'losing oneself', 'feeling a rush' and 'tearing skin apart' dont fit me at all . . . infact i'm practically the complete opposite. lol but i guess we already knew that. Cant wait to see Wanted! XXX XXX XXX
Eating disorders are diseases of silence. We are all silently screaming for something: attention, love, help, escape or forgiveness. Although we might be looking to fill different voids, we never ask for the things we need. We feel unworthy, that for some reason we don't deserve them. So, we play the game of guess what I need from you. You're inability to guess just feeds our feelings of worthlessness
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To give that up would be giving up a piece of us that we aren't sure we can live without. It is with us in the morning, telling us to get on the scale for the first test of the day. Even if the number is down it's never good enough. Then taking a shower where we close are eyes because the sight of ourselves is so disturbing. Next is finding something to wear. This can take hours because nothing fits right and everything feels tight. After all of this it's time for breakfast? No way we can eat after that disappointing morning
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Cant wait to see Wanted! XXX XXX XXX
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