Clyde and the Computers (Sarah Jane Adventures/DC Comics)
The first of two ficlets for fandom_stocking!
Title: Clyde and the Computers
Fandoms: Sarah Jane Adventures, DC Comics
Characters: Clyde, K-9, Mr Smith, Oracle
Rating: G
Notes: Written for
odditycollector
Summary: Clyde, computers and communication chaos.
"Master Clyde, I have specific orders not to leave the house." K-9 sounded for all the world like Sarah Jane when she was in a huff.
Clyde crouched down by the robot dog and wheedled. "We're not leaving the house. Just going in the driveway, yeah?"
"'Amazing motorised skateboard' is not within my specifications!"
Clyde hesitated. "Oh. Didn't know you'd heard that."
"My audio sensors extend-"
"Yeah, yeah. I can't believe I offered to babysit you and you won't even play like a real dog."
"I believe that you in fact volunteered to 'hang around until Mr Smith was done making those crystal thingies.' Perhaps you misrepresented your motive, Master Clyde?"
"If I wanted smart comments I'd be out there with Rani, not here with you, mate."
Mr Smith's screen flickered into life. "There appears to be an incoming call of unknown origin. Correction, terrestrial origin."
Clyde jumped to his feet. "Can't you narrow it down a bit more?"
"I'm afraid not. Shall I let the call through?"
K-9 swivelled around and focused intently on the screen, his ray gun waggling. "This unit is prepared, Mr Smith."
"I didn't ask you." Mr Smith's voice rang with scorn.
"Uh, yeah, me too!" Clyde took up a fighting pose, then quickly dropped his fists and folded his arms instead, because fighting a screen would just be silly. Far better to look cool.
He wasn't so sure he could maintain that cool a moment later when a stylised humanoid face appeared on the screen. It was bright green on a black background and looked computer generated, not like an actual living face. Then again, maybe the alien lived in a computer? Stranger things had happened, right here in this attic!
"Greetings!" Clyde dropped his voice as low as it would go and tried to sound imposing.
"Good afternoon," the face replied without moving its lips. The voice was flat and obviously computer-generated, like Stephen Hawking's - and there was a guy who knew about space/time problems! It had an American accent, but so did Stephen Hawking, so that didn't mean much.
"Uh, can I help you?"
"Several locations around the world are experiencing an infestation of small, crystalline creatures."
"That look like really sparkly ants, yeah? Don't worry, we've got it all under control."
"As I tracked a very similar signal to your immediate location, I would hope so."
"Oh, that. We're cooking up a batch of crystal Ant Bait. You want the recipe?"
K-9 suddenly let out a tremendous squawk and spun around in a circle.
The computer-generated face looked awfully smug. "I'd appreciate it if you could command your pet to stop tracking me down."
"Master Clyde!" K-9 called, still swinging back and forth on the spot.
"Hey! Don't hurt him!" Clyde yelled at the screen.
Mr Smith added, "At least, not so noisily."
Clyde considered this deeply unhelpful, but the computer face obviously agreed, as K-9 beeped a few times in some confusion and then shut down.
"Well, then," the face continued, "If you wouldn't mind sharing that recipe? I have a friend working on the problem right now, but it seems you're ahead of us. He'll be cranky about that, but I think the ant crisis has to come first."
Clyde quickly checked K-9, but he seemed to be okay, just running a self-diagnostic. "Yeah, okay. Geniuses are funny when they're cranky. Mr Smith, can you send that over to…"
"Oracle."
"Nice to meet you!"
"Likewise, Clyde. Now I know who I'll call next time there's a small-scale, sparkly alien invasion."
The screen blinked and the face was gone, replaced with Mr Smith's usual psychedelic wallpaper. Mr Smith's drawer popped open and Clyde grabbed the completed crystals with glee. Time to bait some ants!
Then he paused. "Mr Smith? Hey, do you think Oracle could program K-9 to enjoy being a motorised skateboard?"
Title: Clyde and the Computers
Fandoms: Sarah Jane Adventures, DC Comics
Characters: Clyde, K-9, Mr Smith, Oracle
Rating: G
Notes: Written for
odditycollector
Summary: Clyde, computers and communication chaos.
"Master Clyde, I have specific orders not to leave the house." K-9 sounded for all the world like Sarah Jane when she was in a huff.
Clyde crouched down by the robot dog and wheedled. "We're not leaving the house. Just going in the driveway, yeah?"
"'Amazing motorised skateboard' is not within my specifications!"
Clyde hesitated. "Oh. Didn't know you'd heard that."
"My audio sensors extend-"
"Yeah, yeah. I can't believe I offered to babysit you and you won't even play like a real dog."
"I believe that you in fact volunteered to 'hang around until Mr Smith was done making those crystal thingies.' Perhaps you misrepresented your motive, Master Clyde?"
"If I wanted smart comments I'd be out there with Rani, not here with you, mate."
Mr Smith's screen flickered into life. "There appears to be an incoming call of unknown origin. Correction, terrestrial origin."
Clyde jumped to his feet. "Can't you narrow it down a bit more?"
"I'm afraid not. Shall I let the call through?"
K-9 swivelled around and focused intently on the screen, his ray gun waggling. "This unit is prepared, Mr Smith."
"I didn't ask you." Mr Smith's voice rang with scorn.
"Uh, yeah, me too!" Clyde took up a fighting pose, then quickly dropped his fists and folded his arms instead, because fighting a screen would just be silly. Far better to look cool.
He wasn't so sure he could maintain that cool a moment later when a stylised humanoid face appeared on the screen. It was bright green on a black background and looked computer generated, not like an actual living face. Then again, maybe the alien lived in a computer? Stranger things had happened, right here in this attic!
"Greetings!" Clyde dropped his voice as low as it would go and tried to sound imposing.
"Good afternoon," the face replied without moving its lips. The voice was flat and obviously computer-generated, like Stephen Hawking's - and there was a guy who knew about space/time problems! It had an American accent, but so did Stephen Hawking, so that didn't mean much.
"Uh, can I help you?"
"Several locations around the world are experiencing an infestation of small, crystalline creatures."
"That look like really sparkly ants, yeah? Don't worry, we've got it all under control."
"As I tracked a very similar signal to your immediate location, I would hope so."
"Oh, that. We're cooking up a batch of crystal Ant Bait. You want the recipe?"
K-9 suddenly let out a tremendous squawk and spun around in a circle.
The computer-generated face looked awfully smug. "I'd appreciate it if you could command your pet to stop tracking me down."
"Master Clyde!" K-9 called, still swinging back and forth on the spot.
"Hey! Don't hurt him!" Clyde yelled at the screen.
Mr Smith added, "At least, not so noisily."
Clyde considered this deeply unhelpful, but the computer face obviously agreed, as K-9 beeped a few times in some confusion and then shut down.
"Well, then," the face continued, "If you wouldn't mind sharing that recipe? I have a friend working on the problem right now, but it seems you're ahead of us. He'll be cranky about that, but I think the ant crisis has to come first."
Clyde quickly checked K-9, but he seemed to be okay, just running a self-diagnostic. "Yeah, okay. Geniuses are funny when they're cranky. Mr Smith, can you send that over to…"
"Oracle."
"Nice to meet you!"
"Likewise, Clyde. Now I know who I'll call next time there's a small-scale, sparkly alien invasion."
The screen blinked and the face was gone, replaced with Mr Smith's usual psychedelic wallpaper. Mr Smith's drawer popped open and Clyde grabbed the completed crystals with glee. Time to bait some ants!
Then he paused. "Mr Smith? Hey, do you think Oracle could program K-9 to enjoy being a motorised skateboard?"