the night starts here (6/?), will/skandar/anna, pg-13
As usual...apologies for the delay. :/
Title: the night starts here (6/?): an interlude
Author: likecharity
Pairing: Will/Skandar/Anna
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Real person slash and het
Summary: She's not going to get angry or lash out. She and Will don't do that, they never have. They work through problems logically, sit down with a cup of tea and talk until there's nothing left to talk about. And she knows that's what they're going to do now.
A/N: I debated about whether or not there should be smut in this chapter for a really long time. But in the end I decided it really had to be a lower rating -- it couldn't have worked any other way. Sorry if this disappoints! The sex will be back next time. ;)
[ Part 1. ¦ Part 2. ¦ Part 3. ¦ Part 4. ¦ Part 5. ¦ Part 6. ¦ Part 7a & Part 7b. ¦ Part 8a & Part 8b. ¦ TBC]
Anna watches as Will stirs his tea clumsily, the spoon clinking loudly against the sides of the mug. He seems unsettled, somehow, and she can tell he's trying not to make it obvious.
"Are you okay?" she asks gently, placing her hand on his arm to still it.
"I'm fine," he says, but it's clearly just an automatic response. "I'm just cold," he adds, and pulls out his chair to stand up.
He returns from the bedroom a moment later wearing the dressing gown she gave him for Christmas, soft and pale blue. He ties the cord loosely and slides back into his seat. They sip their tea in silence for a while, and while it's not awkward, Anna still feels uneasy. It's like there's a big black cloud hovering over them.
"I think we should, um," Will says, then, pushing his mug across the table away from him. She looks at him questioningly. "Talk."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
She frowns. He doesn't say anything else right away. Her tea is burning her tongue, but she drinks some more anyway. It's strange, really, because up until this point, she's been feeling really good. It's taken her a few days to sort herself out, but sometimes it does, and she's okay with that. Everything that happened with Skandar sort of mixed up her brain a bit, but it wasn't him in particular, it was just the idea of the three of them splitting up like that. And Skandar mentioned it so casually -- we don't always have to be the three of us -- that it sort of stunned her.
But then she realised that of course these things are going to happen. She spent a while thinking about it, remembering when she came back to Will's flat after her trip to her grandparents, and realised that of course Will and Skandar hadn't spent that whole time playing on the Playstation or something. And it hurt her heart a little, to know that she was missing out on a part of this, but it wasn't as hard as she thought it would be to work through it. She trusts them, after all. With herself, and with each other. And there's no real reason to be bothered by it. She knows they mean different things to one another than they do to her, and than she does to them. It was always going to work this way, she supposes.
And so, after that, everything seemed fine. It was no surprise, really, for her to walk into Will's new place and discover him and Skandar obviously post-coital. And it didn't bother her. It made her curious, naturally, to know what they'd been doing and what it had been like, but that's just something she knows she has to accept. She can't be there for everything.
The only weird, wrong thing about it all, really, is that she can't recall any of them actually discussing it with each other. And probably, this is what Will is about to try and do.
"What do you want to talk about?" she asks softly, trying to get Will to look her in the eye.
He does, waveringly, and then laughs suddenly. "I'm sorry, this is stupid," he says. "It's just -- well, you had sex with Skandar."
"You know!" she gasps, honestly surprised. "He told you?"
He looks at her for a long moment, his chin cupped in his hand, fingers pressed against his lips. Then he says, "Yes. Why -- do you mind that he did?"
"No. I just didn't think he would. I thought -- well. We haven't really..." she trails off, unsure of how to word her thoughts. Then she decides it's probably best to get straight to the point: "You had sex with him, too, though."
He laughs again, the same sharp, unexpected laugh as before, and nods. And she wants to say why didn't you tell me? but it's completely hypocritical. So instead she just says, "This is a bit weird."
"Just a bit," he snorts, reaching for his tea again.
"We used to talk about everything," she says. "Why's it -- why's it like this now?"
"I think -- I think it's because we don't know what we're doing, really," he tells her. "That sounds sort of blatantly obvious, but I really don't think there's much more to it than that. I didn't tell you about Skandar because I didn't know if I was supposed to. And I -- I didn't want it to upset you."
She nods. "That's why I didn't tell you, too. I think."
"It's like cheating."
"No," she says quickly, before he has a chance to say anything else. "No. It's not, not really. There was nothing from the first time that made us feel like we'd made a commitment. I mean, a commitment that meant it was always the three of us."
He considers this. "I suppose that's true. But it's -- well, it's similar." And then he pauses again, before adding, carefully, "Do you think we should have made that commitment?"
She slams her mug down maybe a little too hard, and rocks back in her chair, pulling her hair from her face. It's a difficult question, and at first she doesn't know what to say, but it's something they've got to tackle, so they will. "Maybe," she says eventually. "Maybe. If the -- you know, the splitting off, is going to cause problems, then...maybe."
"That's what I was thinking," he tells her, because he probably was, because they're always on the same wavelength. "I want to be with both of you on my own but -- oh, god, this is stupid..."
"You can tell me. It's me," she reminds him, and he shakes his head, rubbing his face. But then he seems to come round to it.
"It's just the thought of you together without me," he says. "I can't help it. It bothers me."
She knew it was coming, but it still hits her like a punch in the stomach. "Oh," she says at first, just to fill the air really while she finds some proper words. It's hard to say what the feeling is, though. It's just awful, knowing that she's done something to upset him like that. And at the same time it's frustrating, his jealousy (she assumes that it's jealousy, although maybe, she thinks, she shouldn't) because it makes things unfair.
"Why?" is all she can come up with in the end.
"I wish I knew," he says, giving her a sheepish grin that somehow frustrates her even more. But she's not going to get angry or lash out. The two of them don't do that, they never have. They work through problems logically, sit down with a cup of tea and talk until there's nothing left to talk about. And she knows that's what they're going to do now.
"Is it because you're jealous?" she asks, then immediately hates the phrasing. "No, don't. Jealousy is too simple a word. I mean..." she pauses, searching for the right words, "I mean, do you feel like we might -- like Skandar and I -- like we don't need you there? Like we don't want you there?"
"God, Anna, this is like counselling," he says, rolling his eyes. He's said that before during one of their conversations, but it doesn't really bother her. "It's not really that. That sounds pathetic."
"It doesn't," she says.
Because it really, really doesn't. That was one of the main reactions she had to the thought of Will and Skandar together without her. It's still a fear, in the back of her mind, really, however much she tries to pretend it isn't. That one day they'll decide they don't need her, that they have enough fun on their own. That she was just a catalyst needed for their relationship to develop. But the thing is, she knows that that's irrational. She knows how much they care about her, and while she doesn't have a guarantee that they'll never leave her, she trusts them to do things right. And maybe Will doesn't have that trust. It's a painful thought.
"Maybe it's kind of that, then," he says, relaxing a little. "And also...well, you know. I mean, we haven't...we haven't been on our own, yet, just you and me."
She nods, taking a sip of her tea. He doesn't really need to remind her of that, she's been aware of it the whole time. She never, ever would have thought that would happen with Skandar before it'd happen with Will. She reaches across the table and takes his hand in hers, stroking it gently. "But we will, though," she smiles.
He smiles but it seems weak somehow, and she has the feeling she might not have given that issue quite enough attention (perhaps the promise means nothing, when the damage is already done) but before she can ask, he moves on.
"Maybe," he says thoughtfully, "maybe I just need to get used to it, or something. It came out of the blue, a bit. Do you know what I mean?"
She laughs. "I do."
"And you said -- you said, you know, that first night, that you'd seen it coming. Me and Skandar, I mean. Did you mean that?"
She doesn't really remember saying that, but she does remember feeling it. Maybe it's just hindsight, she's not sure, but she always felt that there was something between the two of them -- more on Skandar's side than Will's, actually, but maybe that was just what she told herself because her feelings for Will were so strong and she didn't want to believe that perhaps he liked somebody else -- and it always felt that something was building up, about to burst.
"Yeah," she nods. "And he saw it coming between me and you. Obviously."
Again, it wasn't really obvious at the time, it was just something that became obvious as things progressed that first night; Skandar's immediate aggression towards them both, his possessiveness, the way he tried to make her think that he and Will were already involved so that she wouldn't pursue Will.
"Oh, I see," says Will suddenly, interrupting her thoughts. "It's -- yes, of course, that makes sense. You sort of expected it, he sort of expected it...but I never expected this. I never really considered it, actually."
"Me and Skandar, you mean? Yeah, me neither."
He grins at that, that wide open honest grin that she loves so much. "Really?"
"Well, I don't know -- it just -- yeah," she stammers, feeling herself starting to blush. "I mean I've always...well, obviously I never found him repulsive," -- Will laughs -- "but when I realised I actually wanted him to touch me, and I wanted to touch him, that was a surprise. Before it was just like -- it just happened, and it was nice, but I never thought about it."
Will nods. She can sort of tell that this is hard for him to hear, but she knows he needs to hear it. And it's difficult for her, too, because there's a nagging thought in her mind that won't leave her alone and she's going to have to voice it.
"I thought...I thought you wanted us to be together."
"I did," he says, looking a little confused himself. "I do. But...I wasn't there, and that's--"
"I wasn't there when you and he--"
"That's different."
"How, exactly?" She's starting to get a little angry now, and she tries to lower her tone of voice, not wanting this to turn into an argument.
"Because it doesn't bother you. Why doesn't it bother you?" he snaps. He doesn't really sound angry, just frustrated and confused, trying to understand why they don't share the same feelings about this. "If you went home right now and Skandar fucked me, or I fucked him, wouldn't you care?"
"It wouldn't bother me," she says, and she's telling the truth. "I trust you. I trust you both."
"Are you saying I don't trust you?"
His eyes flash; he looks hurt, but she has to be honest. She takes a deep breath. "I'm saying that maybe you don't trust us with each other," she says. "Which is understandable, I think. Because you've never been prepared for this. You don't really know how to deal with it or what you're supposed to think. I spent at least two or three years wondering what it would be like if you and Skandar got together. You've only had to start thinking about this in the past day or so. You can't build up trust in a day."
He looks at her. "That makes a lot of sense."
"Oh good." She breathes a sigh of relief. "But -- what are we supposed to do about it?"
"I'm not sure."
"What are we supposed to do about what?" comes a sleepy, hoarse voice, and they both look up to see Skandar stumbling through into the dining room, bleary-eyed and naked.
"Nothing," says Will.
"No," says Anna. "Something."
Skandar raises an eyebrow at her, then bends over to fish a mug out of the box by the door. He picks up a pair of trousers that are draped across the floor for no apparent reason, pulls them on, and joins Will and Anna at the table.
"Something?" he repeats as he's pouring himself some of the tea.
"We were discussing things," Anna tells him.
"Oh," says Skandar. He doesn't say anything else for a moment, taking great care in adding the milk to his tea, and then he heaves a sigh and says, "Yeah. I suppose it's about time."
Will and Anna stare at him, dumbfounded.
"Hold on," says Will, "wait wait wait. Who are you and what have you done with Skandar Keynes?"
Skandar rolls his eyes.
"No, seriously," Will goes on, "that was one of the most mature things to ever come out of your mouth. We've having a serious discussion and you aren't going to try and stop us?"
"You underestimate my maturity, Moseley," Skandar informs him, dumping the fifth spoonful of sugar into his mug, "I'm willing to join in this discussion."
"I think we were reaching a conclusion, sort of," says Will, and then adds, "Don't use all my sugar."
"We're trying to decide whether it should be okay for us to--" Anna begins, and then stops, wondering how on earth to phrase the sentence.
"To split off from each other," Will finishes helpfully.
But Skandar still says, "What?"
Anna sighs. "Well, it's causing more problems than we thought it was," she says.
Skandar frowns. "I don't see the problems." He takes a gulp of his tea and blinks at them.
Will sniggers. "Of course you don't," he says, and then turns to Anna. "Of course he doesn't. He's getting to fuck both of us, separately and together."
Oh. "Right!" she laughs. "Okay, well, that's another example of why this isn't really fair. Imagine if you went home, Skandar, and Will and I had sex without you."
Skandar doesn't say anything, he only wrinkles his nose, but that's enough, really.
"Yeah, exactly," Will says. He looks at Anna expectantly but she has nothing to add, so he continues. "So...maybe we need...ground rules, or something."
Skandar snorts. "Ground rules? For sex?"
"I think it's necessary," says Anna. "We can always try it out and see if it works."
He still looks doubtful, but then he shrugs. "All right," he says. "So we can't 'split off' or whatever. What else?"
She thinks for a moment. It's silly, because that first rule was her own idea, but now that it's been decided like this, she's realising what it really means. She's agreeing not to have sex with Will unless Skandar is present, and that seems a little unfair all of a sudden, considering they've both broken this new rule already, just not with each other. And it's not as though it would really be that different, but she can't help but wonder what it would be like to be with Will alone.
She knows it's not worth thinking about, though. Even if it's something she wants. She can't go back on her word, especially not so quickly. A thought nags at her, saying but it'll happen eventually, and she shakes her head guiltily, trying to turn her mind to the subject at hand.
Eventually, she offers, "We have to tell each other things." It makes her feel quite hypocritical, but she doesn't know what to do -- she's just trying to make things work for the three of them, and not just for herself. She continues. "If there's something we feel, we have to share it...even if it's hard. It'll make things much easier in the long run."
Will shifts uncomfortably next to her and the guilt inside her grows -- she didn't mean to make that sound like she was berating him for not opening up about his feelings sooner. He catches her eye and she gives him a smile but he doesn't quite return it.
"And," he says, "this stays secret. Between the three of us, and, well, Tilda," -- he shoots her a look -- "until we're all absolutely ready."
Skandar nods rapidly. "I like that rule."
Again, the guilt washes through her. "Do you have anything to add, Skan?" she continues bravely.
He takes a long slug of tea and then puts his mug down, and looks at them both. "Hmm," he says. "Nah, I don't think so. It's all sorted."
Will smiles brightly. "Yep," he says happily.
Anna knows how he feels -- probably mostly relieved. It feels like they should have had this conversation a long time ago and it feels like such a load of her back.
"Except for one thing," says Will, and her eyes dart back to him, worriedly. But he's grinning, still. "This mess that we're calling my flat."
He gestures around at the still-packed boxes covering the floor, and Skandar groans. "Ohhh, I thought we'd gotten out of that."
Will shakes his head, standing up. "No," he says firmly. "We're getting dressed, having something to eat, and then it's back to work. And I mean actual work this time."
Anna smiles, standing up too. She salutes him, giggling. "Right away, Sir."
Skandar gets to work on cooking them all a fry-up, and Will heads into the bathroom for a quick shower. Back in the bedroom, Anna rummages through her bag, picking out some clothes to change into. She pulls Will's t-shirt over her head and reaches for some underwear, and something poking out of her backpack catches her eye. The post had just arrived before she left for Will's, and she'd stuffed it into her bag without looking at it, meaning to look at it on her way here. But she'd completely forgotten.
She pulls out the envelopes and settles down, naked on the tangled sheets of Will's bed, to open them. The first is just a bank statement, and the second a letter from her Grandpa. But the third has handwriting on the envelope that she doesn't recognise, and, intrigued, she pulls out a small, shiny piece of card. Most of the writing is printed, with dotted lines that have been filled in, in Andrew's unmistakeable scrawl.
It's inviting her to Skandar, Ben and Georgie's 'leaving party'. Seeing it written like that stuns her, and she doesn't know why. She's had the date of their leaving marked on her calendar for a long time now, been asked countless times about it by interviewers. But she's been painfully aware of how hard the three of them have been trying not to mention it these past few weeks, and how obvious it was that the topic was missing from their discussion just now.
But maybe that's okay, she thinks, pushing the card back into its envelope and beginning to get dressed. They've got time, and things are going well. And now there's a party planned -- a party which should give them plenty of opportunities to talk things through. They've made rules and plans already, now -- who's to say they won't figure out a way to make this work, too?
Suddenly, she hears Skandar swear and she jumps. Probably, he's burning bacon in the kitchen, shirtless and sweaty as he peers over the stove. And Will's singing as he washes his hair (it sounds suspiciously like Katy Perry, but she's learned not to question his shower ditties).
And Anna's here, getting dressed in the bedroom, ready for whatever the day brings.
Smiling, she looks in the mirror to tie back her hair. The three of them together? They can tackle anything.
Part 7.
Title: the night starts here (6/?): an interlude
Author: likecharity
Pairing: Will/Skandar/Anna
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Real person slash and het
Summary: She's not going to get angry or lash out. She and Will don't do that, they never have. They work through problems logically, sit down with a cup of tea and talk until there's nothing left to talk about. And she knows that's what they're going to do now.
A/N: I debated about whether or not there should be smut in this chapter for a really long time. But in the end I decided it really had to be a lower rating -- it couldn't have worked any other way. Sorry if this disappoints! The sex will be back next time. ;)
[ Part 1. ¦ Part 2. ¦ Part 3. ¦ Part 4. ¦ Part 5. ¦ Part 6. ¦ Part 7a & Part 7b. ¦ Part 8a & Part 8b. ¦ TBC]
Anna watches as Will stirs his tea clumsily, the spoon clinking loudly against the sides of the mug. He seems unsettled, somehow, and she can tell he's trying not to make it obvious.
"Are you okay?" she asks gently, placing her hand on his arm to still it.
"I'm fine," he says, but it's clearly just an automatic response. "I'm just cold," he adds, and pulls out his chair to stand up.
He returns from the bedroom a moment later wearing the dressing gown she gave him for Christmas, soft and pale blue. He ties the cord loosely and slides back into his seat. They sip their tea in silence for a while, and while it's not awkward, Anna still feels uneasy. It's like there's a big black cloud hovering over them.
"I think we should, um," Will says, then, pushing his mug across the table away from him. She looks at him questioningly. "Talk."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
She frowns. He doesn't say anything else right away. Her tea is burning her tongue, but she drinks some more anyway. It's strange, really, because up until this point, she's been feeling really good. It's taken her a few days to sort herself out, but sometimes it does, and she's okay with that. Everything that happened with Skandar sort of mixed up her brain a bit, but it wasn't him in particular, it was just the idea of the three of them splitting up like that. And Skandar mentioned it so casually -- we don't always have to be the three of us -- that it sort of stunned her.
But then she realised that of course these things are going to happen. She spent a while thinking about it, remembering when she came back to Will's flat after her trip to her grandparents, and realised that of course Will and Skandar hadn't spent that whole time playing on the Playstation or something. And it hurt her heart a little, to know that she was missing out on a part of this, but it wasn't as hard as she thought it would be to work through it. She trusts them, after all. With herself, and with each other. And there's no real reason to be bothered by it. She knows they mean different things to one another than they do to her, and than she does to them. It was always going to work this way, she supposes.
And so, after that, everything seemed fine. It was no surprise, really, for her to walk into Will's new place and discover him and Skandar obviously post-coital. And it didn't bother her. It made her curious, naturally, to know what they'd been doing and what it had been like, but that's just something she knows she has to accept. She can't be there for everything.
The only weird, wrong thing about it all, really, is that she can't recall any of them actually discussing it with each other. And probably, this is what Will is about to try and do.
"What do you want to talk about?" she asks softly, trying to get Will to look her in the eye.
He does, waveringly, and then laughs suddenly. "I'm sorry, this is stupid," he says. "It's just -- well, you had sex with Skandar."
"You know!" she gasps, honestly surprised. "He told you?"
He looks at her for a long moment, his chin cupped in his hand, fingers pressed against his lips. Then he says, "Yes. Why -- do you mind that he did?"
"No. I just didn't think he would. I thought -- well. We haven't really..." she trails off, unsure of how to word her thoughts. Then she decides it's probably best to get straight to the point: "You had sex with him, too, though."
He laughs again, the same sharp, unexpected laugh as before, and nods. And she wants to say why didn't you tell me? but it's completely hypocritical. So instead she just says, "This is a bit weird."
"Just a bit," he snorts, reaching for his tea again.
"We used to talk about everything," she says. "Why's it -- why's it like this now?"
"I think -- I think it's because we don't know what we're doing, really," he tells her. "That sounds sort of blatantly obvious, but I really don't think there's much more to it than that. I didn't tell you about Skandar because I didn't know if I was supposed to. And I -- I didn't want it to upset you."
She nods. "That's why I didn't tell you, too. I think."
"It's like cheating."
"No," she says quickly, before he has a chance to say anything else. "No. It's not, not really. There was nothing from the first time that made us feel like we'd made a commitment. I mean, a commitment that meant it was always the three of us."
He considers this. "I suppose that's true. But it's -- well, it's similar." And then he pauses again, before adding, carefully, "Do you think we should have made that commitment?"
She slams her mug down maybe a little too hard, and rocks back in her chair, pulling her hair from her face. It's a difficult question, and at first she doesn't know what to say, but it's something they've got to tackle, so they will. "Maybe," she says eventually. "Maybe. If the -- you know, the splitting off, is going to cause problems, then...maybe."
"That's what I was thinking," he tells her, because he probably was, because they're always on the same wavelength. "I want to be with both of you on my own but -- oh, god, this is stupid..."
"You can tell me. It's me," she reminds him, and he shakes his head, rubbing his face. But then he seems to come round to it.
"It's just the thought of you together without me," he says. "I can't help it. It bothers me."
She knew it was coming, but it still hits her like a punch in the stomach. "Oh," she says at first, just to fill the air really while she finds some proper words. It's hard to say what the feeling is, though. It's just awful, knowing that she's done something to upset him like that. And at the same time it's frustrating, his jealousy (she assumes that it's jealousy, although maybe, she thinks, she shouldn't) because it makes things unfair.
"Why?" is all she can come up with in the end.
"I wish I knew," he says, giving her a sheepish grin that somehow frustrates her even more. But she's not going to get angry or lash out. The two of them don't do that, they never have. They work through problems logically, sit down with a cup of tea and talk until there's nothing left to talk about. And she knows that's what they're going to do now.
"Is it because you're jealous?" she asks, then immediately hates the phrasing. "No, don't. Jealousy is too simple a word. I mean..." she pauses, searching for the right words, "I mean, do you feel like we might -- like Skandar and I -- like we don't need you there? Like we don't want you there?"
"God, Anna, this is like counselling," he says, rolling his eyes. He's said that before during one of their conversations, but it doesn't really bother her. "It's not really that. That sounds pathetic."
"It doesn't," she says.
Because it really, really doesn't. That was one of the main reactions she had to the thought of Will and Skandar together without her. It's still a fear, in the back of her mind, really, however much she tries to pretend it isn't. That one day they'll decide they don't need her, that they have enough fun on their own. That she was just a catalyst needed for their relationship to develop. But the thing is, she knows that that's irrational. She knows how much they care about her, and while she doesn't have a guarantee that they'll never leave her, she trusts them to do things right. And maybe Will doesn't have that trust. It's a painful thought.
"Maybe it's kind of that, then," he says, relaxing a little. "And also...well, you know. I mean, we haven't...we haven't been on our own, yet, just you and me."
She nods, taking a sip of her tea. He doesn't really need to remind her of that, she's been aware of it the whole time. She never, ever would have thought that would happen with Skandar before it'd happen with Will. She reaches across the table and takes his hand in hers, stroking it gently. "But we will, though," she smiles.
He smiles but it seems weak somehow, and she has the feeling she might not have given that issue quite enough attention (perhaps the promise means nothing, when the damage is already done) but before she can ask, he moves on.
"Maybe," he says thoughtfully, "maybe I just need to get used to it, or something. It came out of the blue, a bit. Do you know what I mean?"
She laughs. "I do."
"And you said -- you said, you know, that first night, that you'd seen it coming. Me and Skandar, I mean. Did you mean that?"
She doesn't really remember saying that, but she does remember feeling it. Maybe it's just hindsight, she's not sure, but she always felt that there was something between the two of them -- more on Skandar's side than Will's, actually, but maybe that was just what she told herself because her feelings for Will were so strong and she didn't want to believe that perhaps he liked somebody else -- and it always felt that something was building up, about to burst.
"Yeah," she nods. "And he saw it coming between me and you. Obviously."
Again, it wasn't really obvious at the time, it was just something that became obvious as things progressed that first night; Skandar's immediate aggression towards them both, his possessiveness, the way he tried to make her think that he and Will were already involved so that she wouldn't pursue Will.
"Oh, I see," says Will suddenly, interrupting her thoughts. "It's -- yes, of course, that makes sense. You sort of expected it, he sort of expected it...but I never expected this. I never really considered it, actually."
"Me and Skandar, you mean? Yeah, me neither."
He grins at that, that wide open honest grin that she loves so much. "Really?"
"Well, I don't know -- it just -- yeah," she stammers, feeling herself starting to blush. "I mean I've always...well, obviously I never found him repulsive," -- Will laughs -- "but when I realised I actually wanted him to touch me, and I wanted to touch him, that was a surprise. Before it was just like -- it just happened, and it was nice, but I never thought about it."
Will nods. She can sort of tell that this is hard for him to hear, but she knows he needs to hear it. And it's difficult for her, too, because there's a nagging thought in her mind that won't leave her alone and she's going to have to voice it.
"I thought...I thought you wanted us to be together."
"I did," he says, looking a little confused himself. "I do. But...I wasn't there, and that's--"
"I wasn't there when you and he--"
"That's different."
"How, exactly?" She's starting to get a little angry now, and she tries to lower her tone of voice, not wanting this to turn into an argument.
"Because it doesn't bother you. Why doesn't it bother you?" he snaps. He doesn't really sound angry, just frustrated and confused, trying to understand why they don't share the same feelings about this. "If you went home right now and Skandar fucked me, or I fucked him, wouldn't you care?"
"It wouldn't bother me," she says, and she's telling the truth. "I trust you. I trust you both."
"Are you saying I don't trust you?"
His eyes flash; he looks hurt, but she has to be honest. She takes a deep breath. "I'm saying that maybe you don't trust us with each other," she says. "Which is understandable, I think. Because you've never been prepared for this. You don't really know how to deal with it or what you're supposed to think. I spent at least two or three years wondering what it would be like if you and Skandar got together. You've only had to start thinking about this in the past day or so. You can't build up trust in a day."
He looks at her. "That makes a lot of sense."
"Oh good." She breathes a sigh of relief. "But -- what are we supposed to do about it?"
"I'm not sure."
"What are we supposed to do about what?" comes a sleepy, hoarse voice, and they both look up to see Skandar stumbling through into the dining room, bleary-eyed and naked.
"Nothing," says Will.
"No," says Anna. "Something."
Skandar raises an eyebrow at her, then bends over to fish a mug out of the box by the door. He picks up a pair of trousers that are draped across the floor for no apparent reason, pulls them on, and joins Will and Anna at the table.
"Something?" he repeats as he's pouring himself some of the tea.
"We were discussing things," Anna tells him.
"Oh," says Skandar. He doesn't say anything else for a moment, taking great care in adding the milk to his tea, and then he heaves a sigh and says, "Yeah. I suppose it's about time."
Will and Anna stare at him, dumbfounded.
"Hold on," says Will, "wait wait wait. Who are you and what have you done with Skandar Keynes?"
Skandar rolls his eyes.
"No, seriously," Will goes on, "that was one of the most mature things to ever come out of your mouth. We've having a serious discussion and you aren't going to try and stop us?"
"You underestimate my maturity, Moseley," Skandar informs him, dumping the fifth spoonful of sugar into his mug, "I'm willing to join in this discussion."
"I think we were reaching a conclusion, sort of," says Will, and then adds, "Don't use all my sugar."
"We're trying to decide whether it should be okay for us to--" Anna begins, and then stops, wondering how on earth to phrase the sentence.
"To split off from each other," Will finishes helpfully.
But Skandar still says, "What?"
Anna sighs. "Well, it's causing more problems than we thought it was," she says.
Skandar frowns. "I don't see the problems." He takes a gulp of his tea and blinks at them.
Will sniggers. "Of course you don't," he says, and then turns to Anna. "Of course he doesn't. He's getting to fuck both of us, separately and together."
Oh. "Right!" she laughs. "Okay, well, that's another example of why this isn't really fair. Imagine if you went home, Skandar, and Will and I had sex without you."
Skandar doesn't say anything, he only wrinkles his nose, but that's enough, really.
"Yeah, exactly," Will says. He looks at Anna expectantly but she has nothing to add, so he continues. "So...maybe we need...ground rules, or something."
Skandar snorts. "Ground rules? For sex?"
"I think it's necessary," says Anna. "We can always try it out and see if it works."
He still looks doubtful, but then he shrugs. "All right," he says. "So we can't 'split off' or whatever. What else?"
She thinks for a moment. It's silly, because that first rule was her own idea, but now that it's been decided like this, she's realising what it really means. She's agreeing not to have sex with Will unless Skandar is present, and that seems a little unfair all of a sudden, considering they've both broken this new rule already, just not with each other. And it's not as though it would really be that different, but she can't help but wonder what it would be like to be with Will alone.
She knows it's not worth thinking about, though. Even if it's something she wants. She can't go back on her word, especially not so quickly. A thought nags at her, saying but it'll happen eventually, and she shakes her head guiltily, trying to turn her mind to the subject at hand.
Eventually, she offers, "We have to tell each other things." It makes her feel quite hypocritical, but she doesn't know what to do -- she's just trying to make things work for the three of them, and not just for herself. She continues. "If there's something we feel, we have to share it...even if it's hard. It'll make things much easier in the long run."
Will shifts uncomfortably next to her and the guilt inside her grows -- she didn't mean to make that sound like she was berating him for not opening up about his feelings sooner. He catches her eye and she gives him a smile but he doesn't quite return it.
"And," he says, "this stays secret. Between the three of us, and, well, Tilda," -- he shoots her a look -- "until we're all absolutely ready."
Skandar nods rapidly. "I like that rule."
Again, the guilt washes through her. "Do you have anything to add, Skan?" she continues bravely.
He takes a long slug of tea and then puts his mug down, and looks at them both. "Hmm," he says. "Nah, I don't think so. It's all sorted."
Will smiles brightly. "Yep," he says happily.
Anna knows how he feels -- probably mostly relieved. It feels like they should have had this conversation a long time ago and it feels like such a load of her back.
"Except for one thing," says Will, and her eyes dart back to him, worriedly. But he's grinning, still. "This mess that we're calling my flat."
He gestures around at the still-packed boxes covering the floor, and Skandar groans. "Ohhh, I thought we'd gotten out of that."
Will shakes his head, standing up. "No," he says firmly. "We're getting dressed, having something to eat, and then it's back to work. And I mean actual work this time."
Anna smiles, standing up too. She salutes him, giggling. "Right away, Sir."
Skandar gets to work on cooking them all a fry-up, and Will heads into the bathroom for a quick shower. Back in the bedroom, Anna rummages through her bag, picking out some clothes to change into. She pulls Will's t-shirt over her head and reaches for some underwear, and something poking out of her backpack catches her eye. The post had just arrived before she left for Will's, and she'd stuffed it into her bag without looking at it, meaning to look at it on her way here. But she'd completely forgotten.
She pulls out the envelopes and settles down, naked on the tangled sheets of Will's bed, to open them. The first is just a bank statement, and the second a letter from her Grandpa. But the third has handwriting on the envelope that she doesn't recognise, and, intrigued, she pulls out a small, shiny piece of card. Most of the writing is printed, with dotted lines that have been filled in, in Andrew's unmistakeable scrawl.
It's inviting her to Skandar, Ben and Georgie's 'leaving party'. Seeing it written like that stuns her, and she doesn't know why. She's had the date of their leaving marked on her calendar for a long time now, been asked countless times about it by interviewers. But she's been painfully aware of how hard the three of them have been trying not to mention it these past few weeks, and how obvious it was that the topic was missing from their discussion just now.
But maybe that's okay, she thinks, pushing the card back into its envelope and beginning to get dressed. They've got time, and things are going well. And now there's a party planned -- a party which should give them plenty of opportunities to talk things through. They've made rules and plans already, now -- who's to say they won't figure out a way to make this work, too?
Suddenly, she hears Skandar swear and she jumps. Probably, he's burning bacon in the kitchen, shirtless and sweaty as he peers over the stove. And Will's singing as he washes his hair (it sounds suspiciously like Katy Perry, but she's learned not to question his shower ditties).
And Anna's here, getting dressed in the bedroom, ready for whatever the day brings.
Smiling, she looks in the mirror to tie back her hair. The three of them together? They can tackle anything.
Part 7.