You Think You're So Great, Right? (II/II)
( part 1)
Picking up the card on Tuesday to throw it into the letterbox Baekhyun and the others had set up felt weird. The envelope had been sitting on Yixing’s desk the last few days, a constant reminder of his crush on Yifan and his silly confession, inked with black on white.
Luhan didn’t say anything when Yixing pulled the envelope out of his backpack, but it wasn’t as if the elder would have needed to. The wide grin he wore said enough.
Luhan’s presence was strangely comforting nonetheless as he tagged along to the first floor, where a big, bright pink letterbox had been put up, surrounded by heart-shaped garlands and fake roses. It looked as if someone had went to search for the most cliché Valentine’s Day deco they could find, just to cram it all into one place.
Across the letterbox “Armor’s letter delivery service” was written in ornate black letters, decorated with more hearts.
Before Yixing could turn right back around and flee, Luhan caught his arm and tugged him forward. There were a couple of students approaching the metal box and dropping their cards in, so Luhan and Yixing really were only two out of many.
As soon as he got the chance Yixing discarded of the letter, making sure nobody would be able to spy the name written on it. Luhan wasn’t half as cautious. Then again half of their school already knew of the elder’s crush on Minseok either way, so it would have been superfluous to hide the name.
“It’s done now.” Yixing noted when they were making their way back to their classroom.
Luhan eyed him, and grinned slightly. “Yes, no going back now.”
-o-
That night Yixing didn’t sleep well, excitement to which he didn’t want to admit to keeping him from really falling asleep, and quickly waking him up again when sleep did claim him, just to check the clock and find that it was still the middle of the night.
In short, his mood really could have been better when he sunk into his seat at school that morning, but at least he was early for a change. Earlier even than Luhan, who only entered the classroom after Yixing had already almost dozed off on his desk
“Happy Valentine’s Day, you sleepyhead. Didn’t have a good night?” his friend asked as he slumped down in his own seat.
Yixing responded with a low grumble, but when Luhan poked his back, he reluctantly lifted himself up and turned around to face the other. “Not really. Hardly fell asleep at all, and didn’t sleep long if I did.”
“Nervous?” Luhan asked, but his gaze was knowing and it wasn’t really much of a question anyway.
“A bit.” The younger admitted. He kept on telling himself it was stupid, whether he was nervous or not, Yifan wouldn’t know the card was from him either way, so it wouldn’t matter. Not really.
Luhan hummed understandingly nonetheless, before chuckling embarrassedly himself, lips pulling into a lopsided smile. “Me too.” He confessed and weirdly enough it reassured Yixing that his best friend seemed to be just as nervous as he himself was.
Misery loved company, after all, so Yixing found himself smiling back at Luhan.
Both weren’t really sure how the whole Valentine’s Card delivery was supposed to happen, but they certainly hadn’t expected Jongdae, Chanyeol and Baekhyun to show up in their classroom at the short break in between their third and fourth period.
All three of them were dressed in something that looked like white bedsheets draped around their bodies, held together by red, heart-shaped brooches. Around their head they wore a garland made of roses and each one of them sported a pair of wings on their back. In addition, Chanyeol and Jongdae held a bow in their hands, while Baekhyun carried what was most likely supposed to be a small harp in one hand and a pink sac in the other.
Yixing had expected them to go all out with their Armor Delivery project, but he admittedly hadn’t expected this get up. Or how shamelessly proud they would flaunt around in their outfits. He couldn’t help but grin at them, even though his stomach lurched uncomfortably at the knowledge that his letter was in the sac Baekhyun held, along with countless others.
The Armor trio quickly set to work, pulling out letters and calling names, hurrying over to the person who reacted and delivering the Valentine’s Day card with a wide grin. Often it were single cards, but occasionally they would pull out a whole pile, tied together with a pretty lavender cord.
When they called Yifan’s name, Chanyeol was holding one of these packages. Yixing’s heart skipped a beat at hearing the blond’s name. He was caught between wanting to study the texture of his desk and wanting to watch Yifan’s reaction when the taller received the pile that contained Yixing’s card. In the end the latter notion won out.
Carefully, trying to act forcedly nonchalant, he eyed as Yifan pulled the cord apart, and sifted through the pile of envelopes he had received. Yixing didn’t count them, but his heart skipped a beat when he recognized his own. It stood out because it was the only starkly white one, all the other’s having been plastered with heart stickers or decorated with small drawings.
Yixing wasn’t sure if he was just imagining the slight lifting of Yifan’s eyebrow in surprise at the plain envelope, but then Yifan pulled it out from the pile, and turned it around, as if expecting there to be some decoration on the other side. The smallest of grins pulled at his lips. Strangely enough the taller looked slightly intrigued, and it made Yixing wish he had gone for some cheesy decoration as well. Perhaps that would have made his card blend in enough to go unnoticed.
Caught in his fascination of watching Yifan, it almost didn’t register with Yixing when he heard his own name. Yifan however must have picked up the sound of the smaller’s name, because his head shot up immediately. He directly met Yixing’s gaze.
Yixing almost choked on his saliva in shock, and jerked his head around quickly to face forward. His heart was pounding in his chest as if he had run a marathon. Never before had he wished for the ground to swallow him as much as he did now. He had been caught scaring at Yifan, by no other than the tall blond himself.
It hardly registered with him that Luhan called Baekhyun over since Yixing was still too startled to react. Only when the junior stood directly in front of him, white envelope in his hand, did it really click with Yixing what it meant that his name had been called.
He looked up at the younger, eyes wide in confusion, but Baekhyun just smiled back brightly. “You’ve got an admirer somewhere out there.” He declared, and Yixing took the proffered card on instinct.
“Thanks.” He mouthed more than said, because his voice was still caught in his throat.
The envelope in his hands was almost as devoid of decorations as his own had been, pristine white except for his name scribbled to the front and the heart shaped sticker stuck on the tip of the top flap.
Behind him Luhan was excitedly nudging him to get his attention, but Yixing was focused on staring at his inked name in disbelief. His friend should rather tend to the pile of cards he received himself.
Yixing was caught between wanting to tear the letter open to read the card immediately and needing to gather enough courage to do so. The choice was taken from him when their teacher entered the room, ready to start their next lesson. The middle aged man eyed the Armor trio funnily when he almost collided with them in the door way.
Stuffing the card into his back, unopened, Yixing did his best to try and forget about it while focusing on the lesson. It wasn’t a very successful endeavour though, since he found his mind straying every other minute.
When their bell finally rang for lunch break, Yixing found himself heaving a breath of relief, surprising himself. He hadn’t noticed how much he had tensed during the lecture. Luhan was up from his desk and by Yixing’s side within seconds.
“We’re supposed to meet up with Sehun for lunch today, so hurry! And don’t forget your letter.”
Yixing just shook his head in exasperation, but complied with Luhan’s command, letting himself be dragged out of the room with his bag slung over his shoulder, the card securely inside.
They met Sehun by the benches in the yard of their school, hunched over suspiciously. When they came closer, they saw him reading one of the Amor Delivery Valentine’s Card, cheeks bright red. It might have been the cold, but somehow Yixing doubted it was.
“Oh, our little Hunnie has turned someone’s head.” Luhan sang teasingly, as he sank down beside
the son of his parent’s friends. They had more or less grown up together, so Luhan wasn’t put off the slightest bit by the glare Sehun leveled at him.
“You’re one to talk, baby face.”
Luhan grabbed his shirt right over his heart in a dramatic gesture, as if he had been wounded. “I’m hurt, such disrespectful words to your senior.”
Sehun seemed to contemplate whether to retort or not, but in the end he decided for hanging his head with a long suffering sigh. “Tao’s such an idiot.” He mumbled, and the words made both friends perk up.
“Why?” Luhan asked, and as Sehun shoved the card at him, understanding flashed through his eyes.
“May we?” Yixing nodded to the card as if asking for the permission to read it, just to make sure he had interpreted Sehun’s gesture correctly. Sehun grumbled something that sounded remotely affirmative, so Luhan shrugged and proceeded to open up the card.
Sehun-ah.
There aren’t many things I can do for you, but I hope you know my heart. You know even without me telling you~ㅋㅋ
Happy Valentine’s Day! Hun-ah, I’m really happy because you’re here. Your existence makes me stronger~ Let’s be together forever.
Let’s live happily and enjoyably forever~ I can say this because it’s Valentine’s Day right? ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
Remember not to worry because I’m here. I’ll be next to you forever. Once again, Happy Valentine’s Day~
Love, Tao
“This is supposed to be anonymous; he’s not supposed to write his name down.” Sehun complained, his face still hidden in his hands in clear embarrassment.
“Well, technically there’s no rule saying whether this message has to be anonymous or not.” Luhan noted.
“But then why not pass the card in person?”
“Perhaps because Tao wanted you to be graced with the presence of our fake Armors?” Luhan guessed, his expression suggesting that he wanted to be compassionate, but his voice barely containing his amusement.
Yixing had to admit that Sehun looked adorable like this, all flustered, and as Sehun kept complaining how Tao was so cheesy, just giving Luhan more opportunities for teasing, Yixing found himself chuckling.
The noise drew Luhan’s attention to his best friend however, and subsequently to the letter still buried in the depth of Yixing’s backpack.
“Don’t think I forgot that you haven’t read your own mushy Valentine’s message yet, Xing.” Luhan declared, and fixed him with a stern gaze.
“Okay, okay. But I’ll read it myself. And no peeking, got it? Or I’ll read it at home, all by myself.” Yixing replied, waiting until Luhan had finished rolling his eyes and nodded before he pulled the envelope out. (“Oh, a heart, how cute.” “Be silent Sehun, or he’ll chicken out!”)
Yixing took as long as possible to detach the sticker, opening the envelope and pulling the card out, but eventually he held the colourful design of hearts in his hands.
Aware of Luhan’s and Sehun’s curious stares on him, Yixing turned so that neither would be able to spy the card’s content.
Dear Yixing,
Selfishly I wish that this will be the only card you’ll receive today, because that would set me apart. It would lessen my competition, and perhaps improve my chances. Though you deserve to get dozens of cards, and I am not really sure whether I have any chance with you at all.
Ever since I first saw you, I haven’t been able to get you out of my head. I can’t even say what it is. Your gentle smile, that pronounces that adorable dimple? Or your musical laugh? The sparkle in your eyes when you’re excited, or the look of determination you wear when your competitiveness is awoken?
I have never seen anyone work as hard as you. By now I have lost count of how often I’ve seen you in the library, long after class ended, slaving away over your homework, solving math problems or learning vocabulary.
And I’ve seen you dance. It’s a bit embarrassing to admit, because it must surely sound as if I am stalking you, but I swear, it was by accident. I had left my phone behind in the gym’s changing room, and when I returned to fetch it, you were there, lost in the music.
I almost missed my tutoring session because I couldn’t stop watching you. And as creepy as that sounds, I hope you understand that the bottom line of this is that you are admirable.
Whenever anyone comes to you seeking help you’ll be willing to offer it, even if it should inconvenience you. I don’t know how you do that.
There is only one thing that irks me: The fact that I can’t seem to be able to get close to you. I have tried approaching you so often already, but you always seem to ignore or not notice me. All my smiles are in vain, all my compliments going unheard.
It makes me wonder if I have done something to offend you. I dearly hope I haven’t, and that the cold shoulder you’re showing me is unintentional.
Actually I have a request to make. I hope that I somehow actually have caught your interest. Do you want to know who I am?
Then please come and meet me at the roof at 4pm this afternoon. I’ll be waiting there for you, hoping to get a second chance if I should have messed up my first one without noticing.
Because nothing would make me happier than if you were to be my Valentine.
If the whole content hadn’t already been bad enough, the last sentence drove the message home. Yixing wondered why he wasn’t already feeling lightheaded from all the blood rushing to his head, making his cheeks burn in spite of the cold weather.
He kept the card up even after having finished reading it, because he wanted to compose his expression before facing his friends. His heart was pounding as if it was ready to jump out of his chest and an uncomfortable fluttering feeling had settled in his stomach.
Easily overwhelmed by compliments, this card was almost too much for Yixing to take. Perhaps not only almost, perhaps it was already too much to take.
“Come on, not even you can be that slow with reading.” Luhan complained, obviously dissatisfied with Yixing taking so long. “What is your secret admirer writing?”
“The card asks me to go to the roof at 4pm.” Yixing said, as he finally lowered the card to find two sets of curious eyes intently watching him.
“Are you serious?” Luhan asked in disbelief, and when Yixing just swallowed and nodded, he grinned widely. “How exciting!”
The younger wasn’t exactly sure if he agreed or not.
-o-
Yixing was still debating with himself whether he really should go to the meeting point or not, even when he was already pushing the door to the roof open. The only reason he was pushing himself to actually go was that he felt as if his anonymous admirer deserved an answer. The other had asked for it after all.
Luhan had ushered him to go as well, cooing at the thought that Yixing might actually find a boyfriend (“It could also have been a girl who has written this card.” “I know a male handwriting when I see one, Xing. No girl has such an ugly handwriting.” “That’s pretty mean, Luhan. And assuming. If it’s a girl she’ll be quite offended.” “Just trust me on this one, I’m sure it’s a guy.”).
Yixing himself was rather cautious. He wasn’t even sure if the card had really been meant for him. All of the stranger’s words were so full of admiration, of praise. Frankly, Yixing felt as if they were painting a larger-than-life image, one he couldn’t find himself fitting into. Perhaps his supposed admirer simply hadn’t remembered the name of his crush correctly, addressing the card to Yixing by accident? In his head it was a likely scenario.
He opened the door carefully, so that it made close to no sound. Outside, the wind was blowing strongly, as was to be expected this high up. Noting how there was no one standing in his direct line of sight, Yixing moved to slowly walk along the outer walls of the little building containing the staircase.
As he reached the corner of it, he took one last breath to steel himself, before rounding it.
His eyes immediately zoomed in on the other figure standing on the roof, half facing away from him to study the far distance to Yixing’s right. The first thing he noticed was the telltale dash of blond hair, and that was all it took for Yixing to step back quickly, into the secure shadows of the staircase.
Stupid. He chided himself. The roof is such a cliché place for a meet-up, of course someone else would have been called up here. He’s probably waiting for some girl that wants to confess to him.
Unwilling to stay and witness the scene, Yixing moved to head back inside, back down, uncaring of his own appointment. It wasn’t as if he really expected anything to come out of his letter, didn’t expect Yifan to recognize his handwriting and to approach him. But if he allowed himself to be honest, Yifan being confessed to might be on the top of the list of things he didn’t want to witness. A voice inside his head insisted that was because there was the possibility of Yifan accepting the confession.
He didn’t get very far though, no matter how fast his steps, barely covering half the distance towards the door.
“Yixing?” A familiar voice called him, followed by the sound of quick feet moving towards him.
The smaller debated whether to simply keep on walking, or to turn around and face Yifan. Really, his pride only allowed him one option.
Yifan
looked slightly out of breath, as if he had rushed despite it only being a short distance to the staircase, his blond hair disheveled from the wind. His expression was a weird mixture of completely open and unreadable. Confusion, surprise and apprehension shifted into relief and concealed joy, and back again. He eventually settled on a cautious smile, but Yixing didn’t look up at him long enough to really appreciate it.
“I’m sorry, I bet you’re waiting for someone.” Yixing said, surprising himself with how meek he sounded, refusing to face Yifan directly. Shocked into shyness, he reasoned.
“Yes, yes I am.” Yifan replied, and the same hint of something Yixing couldn’t quite pinpoint that he had already seen in the taller’s expression coloured his voice as well.
“I-I see.” Yixing stuttered, and wished he would sound firmer. “I’m sorry, I’ll go.”
“No!” the taller hurriedly exclaimed, making Yixing halt when he had only half turned around.
Wondering if his hearing was playing tricks on him, the smaller’s face scrunched up in a disbelieving frown. “What?”
“Don’t go.” Yifan said, and when the younger continued looking at him with a confused expression, he elaborated, “I am not waiting anymore.”
“Oh no, you don’t have to leave just because I’m here, it’s okay, keep on waiting, I’ll leave!” Yixing honestly wondered what exactly made him act so docile in Yifan’s company, not a hint of his usual snide left. Perhaps because Yifan looked honestly nervous, and not like the haughty and aloof person he usually was around Yixing.
It was a change the smaller almost could have appreciated, if it weren’t for the reason behind Yifan’s nervousness.
But instead of accepting Yixing’s offer, the blond took two steps towards Yixing, shortening the distance between them before coming to an abrupt halt.
“No, you don’t understand.” He complained, before taking a deep breath, as if steeling himself for his next words. “I was waiting for you.”
Simply put, Yixing’s brain short-circuited. There was a slight blush colouring Yifan’s cheeks, and his whole posture had turned fidgety. It pretty much exactly resembled the posture Yixing had imagined his secret admirer to have, going by the words that had been written in the card. The picture was just such a stark difference to everything Yixing had always believed Yifan to be, that it caught him completely off-guard.
“Wha-“ he started, but cut himself off before he could repeat the meaningless question again. Instead he narrowed his eyes, suspiciousness taking over his formerly baffled state.
Yixing looked around the rooftop with darting eyes. “Are there camera’s around here? Or are your friends hiding somewhere?”
It was Yifan’s turn to sound confused now. “What? No, of course they aren’t. There’s no one here beside us. Why should there be?”
“Isn’t this some sort of game? Some way to make fun of me?” the smaller accused, fixing his gaze on Yifan again. It was the only reasonable explanation he could come up with.
“Why would you think that? Did you even read the card?” It didn’t even properly register with Yixing that Yifan had just confessed to having written the Valentine’s Day card that was still nestled securely in Yixing’s backpack.
“Of course I did, or why would I be here otherwise.” Yixing retorted, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“But then you know that I’ve been unable to get you out of my head.” The elder’s forehead furrowed in frustration, and the colour of his cheeks turned just the slightest bit darker.
Yixing, unwilling to believe the other so easily, retorted defiantly, “That’s all just part of your ploy, to lure me up here, to coax me into confessing to you as well so you can go boast with it, and-“
Among any possible kind of reaction Yixing had expected from Yifan, the elder stepping into his personal space and cutting him off with the soft press of his mouth hadn’t been included.
Within a split-second all his senses were flooded with the blond, his surprisingly sweet smell, the feeling of his lips against Yixing’s, the taste of his mouth.
The kiss didn’t last long, only barely long enough for Yifan to be sure that Yixing had been silenced. When the blond pulled back, he looked dazed, and Yixing was pretty sure his own expression was an exact copy. His mouth was hanging slightly open, as if it was waiting to pick up the words Yifan had kissed from his lips, but for the dear life of him his brain couldn’t come up with a coherent retort.
“You- just now-“ was all he stammered, gesturing between their faces with his hand helplessly.
Only then it seemed to dawn on Yifan what he had just done, because his eyes widened in shock and he immediately stumbled two steps away from Yixing, who hated to notice that he felt a bit colder.
“I-I’m sorry, that was presumptuous.” The elder apologized, waving his hands around in front of him frantically, his complexion redder than ever.
“So you’re sincere?” The question was tentative, a hint of dazedness from the kiss remaining.
“I am!” Yifan immediately replied, sounding confident for the first time that afternoon. “Why would you think otherwise?”
“Because…” Yixing trailed off momentarily to collect his thoughts. “Because you always mocked me, and made fun of me. You always show-off and then check whether I saw it to rub it in my face?”
The way Yifan’s mouth dropped open in semblance of shock actually made Yixing feel a bit bad about his words. “That’s not true, I never meant to mock you. Ahh, now I get why you always seemed to hate me so much.”
With a self-deprecating laugh the taller dragged a hand through his hair in a nervous gesture. “I swear, none of my actions had the goal to make fun of you. And I only checked… because I wanted to impress you.” He confessed, and flashed the younger a tentative, lopsided smile.
Yixing allowed himself to acknowledge the way it made his heart skip a beat. “…So that really was your attempt at flirting?”
Another shy laugh from Yifan, this time accompanied with a rubbing of his neck. “I guess I did a pretty horrible job at it, if I couldn’t even manage to befriend you.”
The first thought in Yixing’s mind was that he was never going to hear the end of it from Luhan. The elder had actually been correct about Yifan’s flirting that Yixing had passionately argued against all the time. Most likely it was a self-defense mechanism of some sort to immediately think of Luhan, because the real weight of Yifan’s words only hit him moments later.
He flirted with me.
Yifan flirted with me.
The thought had Yixing’s cheeks burning, and he brought his hands up to try and cover them self-consciously. His throat suddenly felt dry, and his stomach lurched uncomfortably, as if all the nervousness he had forgotten due to the surprise of finding Yifan returned full force.
Every line of the card seemed to float in front of his inner eye again, and suddenly they all made sense, formed a picture that perfectly fit Yifan.
“Can I believe you?” The question didn’t hold any of his former vehemence, and if the way Yifan’s expression relaxed slightly, even turning cautiously hopeful with a hint of confidence was any indication, the other had heard the softening of Yixing’s voice as well.
“Yes you can.” He declared with such fervor, that Yixing couldn’t help but to think that the other had to be telling the truth, because otherwise he would have to be quite the actor. “Let me prove it to you. Give me one afternoon,-” a small step towards Yixing, ”-a week,-“ another step, ”-a month,-“ closer, “-a year,-“ and closer still, ”-however long you need me to prove to you I’m sincere.”
The elder came to a halt less than an arm’s length away from Yixing. The smaller had to crane his neck to properly face Yifan. A gentle smile had formed on the blond’s lips, almost looking encouraging, as if he was trying to beseech Yixing to give him a chance.
An unnecessary encouragement because Yixing had already made his decision. He found himself smiling back, stretch of his mouth widening with every tentative millimeter
Yifan’s grin grew.
“Okay.” He simply said, lowering his hands to reveal his dimpled smile.
“Okay?”
“Okay.” Yixing repeated with a small chuckle. “You’ll have your chance.”
Yifan’s eyes sparkled with relief and joy, happiness evidently present in his wide grin.
“If you should turn out to be a douche though, I’ll ditch you without second thoughts.” Yixing declared, jabbing an accusing finger at the taller.
Yifan looked momentarily worried, and opened his mouth as if to spill further reassurances, but then he caught the playful glint in the other’s eyes, and his posture visibly relaxed. “Same back to you. Perhaps I’ll overthink my opinion of you, now that you no longer hate me.”
In response Yixing poked his tongue out. “How do you know I don’t hate you anymore?”
“Just an inkling.” Yifan’s grin was brilliant, and Yixing couldn’t help smiling back.
“So, you wanna head for coffee sometime?” The blond eventually asked, fidgeting slightly with his fingers, as if the question made him nervous all over again.
“’Sometime’? Well, someone’s being specific.” Yixing teased, hoping to relief some of Yifan’s awkwardness.
It worked, because the other rolled his eyes before grinning. “You want specific? Then tomorrow, right after school.”
Yixing met Yifan’s challenging gaze head-on. “Sounds good.”
“It’s a date then.”
“It’s a date.” Yixing agreed, and surprisingly enough, locking eyes with Yifan felt comfortable. Excitement and disbelief were still singing in his veins, but they were all overpowered by a sense that finally things were the way there were supposed to be between them.
This simply felt right.
( epilogue)
~.~.~.~.~
A/N: I couldn't resist taking the letter Tao wrote Sehun for his birthday. All I did was replace every instance of "birthday" with "Valentine's Day".