Fic, Watching, Blue Cortina, by DorsetGirl

[dorsetgirl]

Title:    Watching

Author: DorsetGirl

Fandom: Life on Mars

Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters or their universe. BBC/Kudos do. I’m not making any money out of this.

Rating:  Blue? Cortina for angst

Pairings: Sam/Gene implied

Word Count:  1,514

Summary: This is a sequel to Body and Soul, and takes place some time before Fighting to Survive.

A/N:

Comments

[nepthys_uk]

Oh. Just oh *sniff*.
I think this is the best of the three pieces in this series so far. I absolutely loved it (in a raw, painful way). I agree totally with Ducky and Drayce that you've captured Gene's internal anguish as opposed to the image of him that others see. And I loved Ray!

I've had to be really strict with myself not to just quote the whole thing, but I loved this line because I could almost feel it myself:

He couldn’t feel the floor for some reason, couldn’t tell if he was putting his feet in the right places. *sniffs again*

I know you said three pieces, but I would also be keen on seeing more of this.

[dorsetgirl]

Gene's internal anguish

In writing this, I wanted to show exactly that, and to concentrate only on that, such that Gene for once simply didn't care whether or not he was projecting his normal DCI persona.

That line about not feeling his feet on the floor came from somewhere pretty deep but I'm not sure where, so I'm glad it worked for you.

I have one more piece so far which I will type up tomorrow and see if it's worth posting, then after that we'll just have to see if anything else comes up. Thanks for commenting!

[clonesgirl]

Poor Gene! He's just walking around in a raw daze of anguish. You made me really feel for him here. At least Ray had the sense to come to his rescue.

This was excellent and I'm really glad to hear that there'll be more of it. Looking forward to it. :)

[dorsetgirl]

Thank you, love. "raw daze of anguish" is exactly - those very words - the mood I was going for here, so I am very happy indeed that you got that from it.

And he did need rescuing, didn't he. I don't think I've ever written Ray before, but no-one else could have done what he did here.

The fourth snippet is in editing at the moment; it needs some careful handling to make it readable without completely losing the mood, which I'm finding quite difficult. It's very unlikely to be finished now until after the long weekend and after PG on Tuesday (God, I'm so excited!)

[saintvic]

And again absolutely fascinating reading. The Gene you show here is in so much pain it is painful to read it. Which just emphasises how much ne needs Sam. Really liked this:

But, I need to know, because the moment he wakes up he’s going to ask. Guaranteed.” That’s after ‘what year is it?’ of course. “And I’m going to be here to tell him,

The way you drop in Gene's awareness of what Sam would be thinking works very well.

[dorsetgirl]

Gene ... is in so much pain

I'm really pleased that worked for you; I love writing Gene and it's lovely when people get what he's going through.

Gene's awareness of what Sam would be thinking

I haven't written the waking up yet; I haven't even decided on the pov, but personally I think what Sam's first question is will depend on whether Gene is there or not. Gene maybe hasn't worked that out.

[sytaxia]

The way that Gene has just been shocked senseless in this, the blinding rage, is so perfectly done... And I love the fact that it was Ray that calmed him down: so many times he's painted as being the oaf or the ruffian, but his own violence and edge make him the perfect match for Gene in this situation, and it's nice to see him as the voice of reason, which he certainly isn't beyond...

And the waiting... The idea of one half of the pair just watching the other breathe is one of my favorite things, whether it be post-coital or during a harrowing H/C scenario like this, and the simplicity of it is such a great ending for this fic, taking away the rage and anger from Gene and leaving him with so little, it makes the piece feel so bleak...

[dorsetgirl]

I love writing Gene, but I seldom get as far inside his head as in this one. It had to be Ray, didn't it; Gene was so far gone in anguish that he needed that physical control to be imposed first.

Bleak was definitely the feeling I was going for at the end, so I'm very pleased that's what came over.

[tinadoll]

WOW! I loved all the inner turmoil you brilliantly depicted that true to Gene's character

Don't mind me if this is late-i'm catching up before the new chapter. It seems i missed alot

Great work

[dorsetgirl]

Hi, and welcome! I'm glad you liked this, and comments are lovely to get at any time. You've got to feel sorry for Gene - he's hurting so much inside but he still has to be in charge.