The Big Show: Fever
NC-17 CONTENT WARNING. Do not read if that bothers you.
Murphy needs to be fucked. Not sex, not a touch, but fucked. She needs something raw and wild and a little dangerous. She doesn’t have this need often, but every now and then it sneaks up on her and starts eating at her. Ugly cases don’t trigger it; those require something gentler to heal them. This need comes from danger, stand offs and shoot outs. Any time she has to pull her gun on someone, any time she has to pull that trigger she gets a spike of adrenaline and when it’s all said and done, the need starts gnawing at her gut. When she’s done with IAB, she strides out of the office every inch the predator. The boys in the office notice, how can they not? They can sense that under that tough leader exterior something is stirring and that something is hungry.
She doesn’t like this need any more than she likes her need to be touch. This need isn’t a weakness though, this need is stupid. Shouldn’t close calls make her want to call her daughter, her father, make sure someone knows she’s alright and be reassured by them that she will be alright? She certainly didn’t have this need after Miller and Miller killed himself in front of her. After Miller, she just wanted to get her head on straight. She just wanted to feel whole again. Tonight, she wants to feel filled. She wants the power being a sexually attractive woman brings, she wants to be wanted with such intensity that her partner leaves bruises on her hips. It makes her shudder and the animal in her growls low. It’s so stupid to be driven by such a base instinct.
Last time she had this problem was Munzer. God, that stand off, the grief and the rage that had flowed through her had woken that animal and made it want blood. Harry had stopped her from killing Munzer, so she couldn’t get that. After all the paper work was wrapped up and Pop was safely in her guest room, she had laid awake. She was restless, needy, with too tight skin and fire low in her belly, just like she is now. She needs some sort of release, something quick and just a little violent like what she’s faced. She couldn’t get it this night and she didn’t get it that night. She’d been driven that to touch herself, to get herself off twice to take the worst of the edge down. She remembers clearly how she’d been forced to muffle her groans with her pillow so she wouldn’t wake her father sleeping right down the hall. It hadn’t helped much that night and it wouldn’t help now, but she hated the idea of going to a bar for some sort of mindless one night stand.
She chuckles bitterly, her ex had loved it when she came home like this, revved up and ready to go. He could sense it when she was like this, just like the boys in the office. Her ex was deadly creative in bed and with the right motivation they could go for hours, tearing into each other and tearing each other apart. If she closes her eyes, she can feel the ghosts of his fingers touching her just like she needs, firm and demanding and powerful, down her neck, over her breasts where they linger, paying special attention to her nipples, before ghosting down her stomach. She grits her teeth in reality and stops the fantasy just as those ghosts part her folds and send shivers through her body. She needs it so bad that even a decent fantasy could tip her over the edge. What a weakness.
God, she needs a lover, but her dates have been going disastrously lately. Something always comes up or the guy asks too many questions about her job and things get awkward. She doesn’t have a friend she could use like that. She likes and respects Harry too much and anyone from work would make her lose the power and respect she has. Going to a bar and picking someone up would be stupid. She knows the dangers of one night stands, thanks to her job and too many scary news reports. She’s stuck with an animal waking up inside her and no convenient way to fuck it out of her system. So, she goes to the gym and takes it out on the punching bag and anyone around willing to spar. Eventually she doesn’t feel the need any more, just the burn in her lungs and an ache throughout her body.