Switchverse: Part XII, or, Mostly on Accident
PART I -- PART IX -- PART X -- PART XI
PART XII
Andy has been living with Jenn for at least a decade, in a hippie-commune-common-law sort of way. She’s far into nature and Tantra, which Derek didn’t understand until he was twelve. It still creeps him out whenever he remembers it.
Derek has a hard time reconciling nature-is-life-force Jenn with the business-casual magazine editor sitting on the couch with Andy. Her hair is tamed into a bun, and her teeth are showing and permanent.
He says, Jenn seems…
Audrey, sitting on the floor at his feet and leaning against his knees, hums aloud. Theo turns his head to glance at them. She says, “Jenn, you look like a grown-up.”
Jenn laughs, and Andy’s pre-wedding nervous scowl softens a little when he hears her. “A little corporate for my taste, yes, but I had a meeting this morning. They’re publishing the next Eco‘zine on Wednesday, so, you know. They wanted me there for a semi-final review, and then I’ll go back over it all on Monday…”
Andy shrugs. “She keeps me barefoot in the kitchen.”
Joe’s laugh precedes his joke. “You can’t cook!”
Gerard, stretched out on his belly on the floor with a pillow under his chin, whines, “Hey, guys. Hey. Shut up. This is the best part.”
Zombies tear someone into little fake bloody pieces on the screen, and everyone shuts up, because horror movies are sacred.
--
This is how Audrey falls in love with Jeremy Stump:
“Is there anything to do around here on a Saturday night?”
“Yes…? Jack didn’t tell you? I got you guys tickets to the Recall Habit show. The train leaves in an hour and a half, if you still want to go.”
“Jeremy! Jeremy Stump. I love you.”
It’s okay, though. Audrey falls in love easily and often. The jagged edges of it are always worn smooth before they can cut her.
--
The music winding overhead, thinned and stretched by the recording, washes over Derek first thing as they all step inside. Audrey notices the press of bodies first, the tight-hot-recycled-air smell, and links her fingers with Derek’s and Jeremy’s on the other side.
Bronx is in front of their little knot, feet planted and chest puffed, crown prince of the concert scene. He turns back and shouts, “People always try too hard to be one of Those Guys, you know?”
Derek bobs his head, linking elbows with Theo and letting Audrey go. “You’d almost think he really believes that.”
Theo, very solemnly, talks into Derek’s ear: “He’s hardcore, you know.” The way he carefully pronounces every consonant makes Derek laugh, choking and mean.
They all - all eight of them - crash against the crowd like a wave and scatter. Audrey and Theo and Jeremy stay at the edges, inching closer to the stage; Bronx spearheads an attack on the center and drags Jack and Derek in his wake. Eliza and 2way hang back, somewhere.
When the crush is too much, Bronx stops and turns and touches Jack’s elbow, carefully. “Hey!” he bellows at her, keeping his distance.
Jack’s eyebrow slots one notch higher and she waits.
Bronx creeps around Derek and inevitably winds up against her from shoulder to knee - inconveniently, he’s short enough (or she’s tall enough) that his chin touches her collarbone and he’s nearly using her chest as a pillow.
He tries again, says, “Hi? Please don’t kill me? Your eyes are pretty?”
Just then, the first band starts in, discordant and pounding and with an inexplicable bell-choir accompaniment. Everyone is immediately deafened.
Jack elbows at least three people to reach up and pat Bronx’s forehead. She gestures to the back of the crowd and leaves Bronx leaning against random pierced and body-modded strangers when she leaves.
And then it’s Derek and Bronx, island in a sea, and Bronx makes a pathetic broken-hearted face. Derek isn’t good at those, because Audrey doesn’t get broken hearts and Derek doesn’t fall in love with people who can leave.
He nudges Bronx’s shoulder with his own and sways to the beat - which is all they can hear, with this level of overexposure in the speakers. Bronx forces a charismatic crown-prince grin and pushes back in time, and then they’re dancing, sort of on accident.
(Derek hears Audrey relaying her conversation to him:
“Derek and Bronx?” Theo says, downturned lips and sharp eyes.
“Jack left, so they’re out there, yeah.”
Jeremy says, “I can’t see them.”
“You’re kind of Stumpy.”
“Har-har, I’ve never heard that one.”
“I see them,” and Theo’s pushing into the crowd.)
So, Derek knows that his friends are watching as Bronx’s fingers splay across his hips, around to the small of his back, pulling until their hips match. The music is stronger than his heartbeat, though, and then he’s sort of making out with Bronx. Mostly on accident.
(Audrey’s caught Theo’s arm, now, and they’re back at the edge, craning to see.
Theo says, “Didn’t Pete sleep with both of Derek’s parents?”
“Not at the same time,” Audrey says, and he’s never been so grateful that she can read him and explain for him. Otherwise, these things would never be said, and Theo deserves an explanation.)
Derek’s still kissing Bronx, and they’re still dancing, and the people are laughing and opening a way to let them through so they don’t have to stop.
And, very very suddenly, Bronx and Derek are in the bathroom and Bronx’s hand is down Derek’s pants and Derek’s hand is traveling the same direction.
(In his head, Theo says, “He’s three years older than Derek!”
And Audrey says, “Yeah, but he’s hot.”
And then her face flushes red and Theo says, “Please. Please, please don’t tell me about it. I don’t want to know.”)
Derek staggers out of the bathroom and straight into 2way and Eliza. 2way’s pressed so close into her that only the rarity of breathing room could excuse him; Eliza is drifting, eyes unfocused, smiling along to the second band of the night, already close to the end of their set.
“Wasn’t Jack coming back here with you guys?” Derek asks.
2way’s shouting along to the song - apparently he’s a fan - but Eliza points to the wall, and there are Jeremy and Jack, talking with heads bent close together. The short, mocking imitation of a kung-fu movie chop makes Jack laugh, mouth wide and head thrown back.
So Derek goes to stand with Theo, watching Audrey flail in a way that’s close enough to dancing.
And, by the start of the fourth band’s set, Bronx joins them. His hair is streaked lime green and deep purple, still wet from the dye.
He shrugs. “Some chick did it for me in the sink.”
“After you sort of wandered into the girl’s bathroom?” Derek asks, smiling.
Bronx tilts his head noncommittally and avoids looking at Jack and Jeremy, singing together at the other side of the room.
PART XII
Andy has been living with Jenn for at least a decade, in a hippie-commune-common-law sort of way. She’s far into nature and Tantra, which Derek didn’t understand until he was twelve. It still creeps him out whenever he remembers it.
Derek has a hard time reconciling nature-is-life-force Jenn with the business-casual magazine editor sitting on the couch with Andy. Her hair is tamed into a bun, and her teeth are showing and permanent.
He says, Jenn seems…
Audrey, sitting on the floor at his feet and leaning against his knees, hums aloud. Theo turns his head to glance at them. She says, “Jenn, you look like a grown-up.”
Jenn laughs, and Andy’s pre-wedding nervous scowl softens a little when he hears her. “A little corporate for my taste, yes, but I had a meeting this morning. They’re publishing the next Eco‘zine on Wednesday, so, you know. They wanted me there for a semi-final review, and then I’ll go back over it all on Monday…”
Andy shrugs. “She keeps me barefoot in the kitchen.”
Joe’s laugh precedes his joke. “You can’t cook!”
Gerard, stretched out on his belly on the floor with a pillow under his chin, whines, “Hey, guys. Hey. Shut up. This is the best part.”
Zombies tear someone into little fake bloody pieces on the screen, and everyone shuts up, because horror movies are sacred.
--
This is how Audrey falls in love with Jeremy Stump:
“Is there anything to do around here on a Saturday night?”
“Yes…? Jack didn’t tell you? I got you guys tickets to the Recall Habit show. The train leaves in an hour and a half, if you still want to go.”
“Jeremy! Jeremy Stump. I love you.”
It’s okay, though. Audrey falls in love easily and often. The jagged edges of it are always worn smooth before they can cut her.
--
The music winding overhead, thinned and stretched by the recording, washes over Derek first thing as they all step inside. Audrey notices the press of bodies first, the tight-hot-recycled-air smell, and links her fingers with Derek’s and Jeremy’s on the other side.
Bronx is in front of their little knot, feet planted and chest puffed, crown prince of the concert scene. He turns back and shouts, “People always try too hard to be one of Those Guys, you know?”
Derek bobs his head, linking elbows with Theo and letting Audrey go. “You’d almost think he really believes that.”
Theo, very solemnly, talks into Derek’s ear: “He’s hardcore, you know.” The way he carefully pronounces every consonant makes Derek laugh, choking and mean.
They all - all eight of them - crash against the crowd like a wave and scatter. Audrey and Theo and Jeremy stay at the edges, inching closer to the stage; Bronx spearheads an attack on the center and drags Jack and Derek in his wake. Eliza and 2way hang back, somewhere.
When the crush is too much, Bronx stops and turns and touches Jack’s elbow, carefully. “Hey!” he bellows at her, keeping his distance.
Jack’s eyebrow slots one notch higher and she waits.
Bronx creeps around Derek and inevitably winds up against her from shoulder to knee - inconveniently, he’s short enough (or she’s tall enough) that his chin touches her collarbone and he’s nearly using her chest as a pillow.
He tries again, says, “Hi? Please don’t kill me? Your eyes are pretty?”
Just then, the first band starts in, discordant and pounding and with an inexplicable bell-choir accompaniment. Everyone is immediately deafened.
Jack elbows at least three people to reach up and pat Bronx’s forehead. She gestures to the back of the crowd and leaves Bronx leaning against random pierced and body-modded strangers when she leaves.
And then it’s Derek and Bronx, island in a sea, and Bronx makes a pathetic broken-hearted face. Derek isn’t good at those, because Audrey doesn’t get broken hearts and Derek doesn’t fall in love with people who can leave.
He nudges Bronx’s shoulder with his own and sways to the beat - which is all they can hear, with this level of overexposure in the speakers. Bronx forces a charismatic crown-prince grin and pushes back in time, and then they’re dancing, sort of on accident.
(Derek hears Audrey relaying her conversation to him:
“Derek and Bronx?” Theo says, downturned lips and sharp eyes.
“Jack left, so they’re out there, yeah.”
Jeremy says, “I can’t see them.”
“You’re kind of Stumpy.”
“Har-har, I’ve never heard that one.”
“I see them,” and Theo’s pushing into the crowd.)
So, Derek knows that his friends are watching as Bronx’s fingers splay across his hips, around to the small of his back, pulling until their hips match. The music is stronger than his heartbeat, though, and then he’s sort of making out with Bronx. Mostly on accident.
(Audrey’s caught Theo’s arm, now, and they’re back at the edge, craning to see.
Theo says, “Didn’t Pete sleep with both of Derek’s parents?”
“Not at the same time,” Audrey says, and he’s never been so grateful that she can read him and explain for him. Otherwise, these things would never be said, and Theo deserves an explanation.)
Derek’s still kissing Bronx, and they’re still dancing, and the people are laughing and opening a way to let them through so they don’t have to stop.
And, very very suddenly, Bronx and Derek are in the bathroom and Bronx’s hand is down Derek’s pants and Derek’s hand is traveling the same direction.
(In his head, Theo says, “He’s three years older than Derek!”
And Audrey says, “Yeah, but he’s hot.”
And then her face flushes red and Theo says, “Please. Please, please don’t tell me about it. I don’t want to know.”)
Derek staggers out of the bathroom and straight into 2way and Eliza. 2way’s pressed so close into her that only the rarity of breathing room could excuse him; Eliza is drifting, eyes unfocused, smiling along to the second band of the night, already close to the end of their set.
“Wasn’t Jack coming back here with you guys?” Derek asks.
2way’s shouting along to the song - apparently he’s a fan - but Eliza points to the wall, and there are Jeremy and Jack, talking with heads bent close together. The short, mocking imitation of a kung-fu movie chop makes Jack laugh, mouth wide and head thrown back.
So Derek goes to stand with Theo, watching Audrey flail in a way that’s close enough to dancing.
And, by the start of the fourth band’s set, Bronx joins them. His hair is streaked lime green and deep purple, still wet from the dye.
He shrugs. “Some chick did it for me in the sink.”
“After you sort of wandered into the girl’s bathroom?” Derek asks, smiling.
Bronx tilts his head noncommittally and avoids looking at Jack and Jeremy, singing together at the other side of the room.