Jason Bourne: Wuxia Hero
What is wuxia, you ask? Well, even if you don't ask I will tell for I have researched* it very thoroughly. Wuxia is a genre of historical dorama in which there are magic swords, flying carpets, much flying through air while fighting and training, people falling into rivers and getting out and still battling for hours, and - MOST IMPORTANTLY - excessive amounts of very attractive manpain. This manpain usually results because his love is FORBIDDEN. And not just regular forbidden, either: this is Forbidden with a capital F, carved on the sides of mountains and inscribed into the laws of at least 4 countries.
But I bring you possibly the one and only Jason Bourne: Wuxia Hero post.
This is Jason Bourne. A man who walks alone. A man with no memories (well, no happy ones). A man tortured by excessive amounts of angst and manpain. Plus guilt. WE MUST NOT FORGET THE GUILT.
He walks alone. He fights alone. Because he has lost his one true passion.
He will never smile again. Because once you have lost the Great Love of your life there is no more humour. No more smiles. Just angsting alone in a cabin you have built yourself in the Canadian wilds.
Random (and hopefully not evil) wuxia couple understand and want to know more. 'Yes, Jason,' they say, 'we know the sorrow of DOOMED LOVE. We know the tragedy of seeing the only person you will ever love float away in a river. In ancient China it happens all the time.
'Yes,' say other wuxia couple! 'We know all about pain and lost love.'
Often we bring our own coffins around with us because we know that for any wuxia couple tragedy is around the corner.
Jason angsts a bit more over Marie. Because it's a wuxia and there will never, ever be another woman for him.
So stop trying Nicky. HE WILL NEVER GET OVER HIS FIRST AND ONLY LOVE
He tells them of Marie and how lovely she looked by the river
And in her car.
Wuxia hero understands and thinks of his lost love
It was the Great Love. They probably actually knew each other as 12 year olds only to be cruelly torn apart by fate but the movie didn't get into that bit because the writers were not Korean.
Wuxia couple look sympathetic.
But Ninja Girl wants to know if there was fighting.
'Lots of it,' answers Bourne
But killing lots of people could not take away his sorrow. This is him still not smiling.
Other Ninja asks if there were villains
Like people who like to wear strange things in their hair...
...evil monks...
...men with raccoon hat fetishes...
...or men who like to point as they lead their army against you.
Bourne tells them of his many enemies: pointy finger CIA guy
evil CIA guy who likes to have people killed in English railway stations
Even more evil CIA leader who had his OTP killed
And Clive Owen.
'That's a lot of enemies for one man,' say some newcomers to the story. 'How do you deal with the angst?'
'I don't,' Jason tells them. 'Mainly I wander around in the snow and mope about my lost love.'
'Have I mentioned how right after this scene Marie was shot, our car plunged into the river, and I kissed her dead body just before letting it float away?' he continues.
'Like this?'
asks inappropriately cheery wuxia guy.
Wuxia couple decide to kill inappropriately cheery guy with flower to make Jason feel better
It doesn't work. He just goes around angsting. Women find this attractive but Jason reminds them that he will never love or smile again
So, Nikky? Give it up. He will never love you. His manpain is too great for that.
This is the picture he broods over in his cabin in the wilds
Though from time to time he likes to brood in railway stations. Just to vary the scene and torment himself by seeing happy people.
*And by researched I mean I have looked at many lovely picspams on calixa's,* dangermousie's, and meganbmoore's*
livejournals. From which I also stole the pictures.
*And who also came up with the whole Bourne = wuxia hero idea.
But I bring you possibly the one and only Jason Bourne: Wuxia Hero post.
This is Jason Bourne. A man who walks alone. A man with no memories (well, no happy ones). A man tortured by excessive amounts of angst and manpain. Plus guilt. WE MUST NOT FORGET THE GUILT.
He walks alone. He fights alone. Because he has lost his one true passion.
He will never smile again. Because once you have lost the Great Love of your life there is no more humour. No more smiles. Just angsting alone in a cabin you have built yourself in the Canadian wilds.
Random (and hopefully not evil) wuxia couple understand and want to know more. 'Yes, Jason,' they say, 'we know the sorrow of DOOMED LOVE. We know the tragedy of seeing the only person you will ever love float away in a river. In ancient China it happens all the time.
'Yes,' say other wuxia couple! 'We know all about pain and lost love.'
Often we bring our own coffins around with us because we know that for any wuxia couple tragedy is around the corner.
Jason angsts a bit more over Marie. Because it's a wuxia and there will never, ever be another woman for him.
So stop trying Nicky. HE WILL NEVER GET OVER HIS FIRST AND ONLY LOVE
He tells them of Marie and how lovely she looked by the river
And in her car.
Wuxia hero understands and thinks of his lost love
It was the Great Love. They probably actually knew each other as 12 year olds only to be cruelly torn apart by fate but the movie didn't get into that bit because the writers were not Korean.
Wuxia couple look sympathetic.
But Ninja Girl wants to know if there was fighting.
'Lots of it,' answers Bourne
But killing lots of people could not take away his sorrow. This is him still not smiling.
Other Ninja asks if there were villains
Like people who like to wear strange things in their hair...
...evil monks...
...men with raccoon hat fetishes...
...or men who like to point as they lead their army against you.
Bourne tells them of his many enemies: pointy finger CIA guy
evil CIA guy who likes to have people killed in English railway stations
Even more evil CIA leader who had his OTP killed
And Clive Owen.
'That's a lot of enemies for one man,' say some newcomers to the story. 'How do you deal with the angst?'
'I don't,' Jason tells them. 'Mainly I wander around in the snow and mope about my lost love.'
'Have I mentioned how right after this scene Marie was shot, our car plunged into the river, and I kissed her dead body just before letting it float away?' he continues.
'Like this?'
asks inappropriately cheery wuxia guy.
Wuxia couple decide to kill inappropriately cheery guy with flower to make Jason feel better
It doesn't work. He just goes around angsting. Women find this attractive but Jason reminds them that he will never love or smile again
So, Nikky? Give it up. He will never love you. His manpain is too great for that.
This is the picture he broods over in his cabin in the wilds
Though from time to time he likes to brood in railway stations. Just to vary the scene and torment himself by seeing happy people.
*And by researched I mean I have looked at many lovely picspams on calixa's,* dangermousie's, and meganbmoore's*
livejournals. From which I also stole the pictures.
*And who also came up with the whole Bourne = wuxia hero idea.