It must be October
I smelled a smell today.. I don't know what it was precisely, but it smelled like sad. Maybe like S.A.D. I can't describe the scent either. It was sorta like trees. And wind. And dryness. But there was a little moisture to it as well, and honestly, I don't know how that works. Anyway.. I would mostly notice it when I opened a door to the outside suddenly, allowing the outside air to whoosh at me. I didn't really feel the inexplicable sadness til about 4pm ish.. when Nicole walked into the classroom and commented that I looked very, very tired. I am very tired, but what I was feeling at the time was a wash of inexplicable sadness.
At least I know it's coming. I have found many ways to trick myself into being slightly less overtly affected by it over the years. I really only began keeping track of the sadness after high school. After a few big events that were pretty over reactive to relatively small things, I began to think that these big reactions were happening mostly in October every year. So, now I don't know if I simply expect the feelings in October, thereby creating a self-fulfilling prophesy, or if the feelings are validly there on their own.
It doesn't really matter I think; I get depressed in October. That is the bottom line. In some ways it is less bad this year than ever before I think. But it is still pretty early to tell.
Much has happened in a year. I'm not ready to share. I am only recently interested in the internet again at all.
But, I'm still alive and kickin' and you're not rid of me that easily!! Muahahahaha!!!!
At least I know it's coming. I have found many ways to trick myself into being slightly less overtly affected by it over the years. I really only began keeping track of the sadness after high school. After a few big events that were pretty over reactive to relatively small things, I began to think that these big reactions were happening mostly in October every year. So, now I don't know if I simply expect the feelings in October, thereby creating a self-fulfilling prophesy, or if the feelings are validly there on their own.
It doesn't really matter I think; I get depressed in October. That is the bottom line. In some ways it is less bad this year than ever before I think. But it is still pretty early to tell.
Much has happened in a year. I'm not ready to share. I am only recently interested in the internet again at all.
But, I'm still alive and kickin' and you're not rid of me that easily!! Muahahahaha!!!!