152 - i fixed it. the ending isnt great though. any suggestions?

[lenndrix]

Does she move slightly as you pack your things
Does she shed a tear
Does she beg for forgiveness
Do you want to hear

Slowly you move to the front door
What is it you are waiting for
You turn around and take a peek
But she's already crying in her sleep

Days go by,
Days go bye

You get word she's moved on

Days go by,
Days go bye

What the hell went

Comments

[tactheantidog]

This is really good. Your own composition?

[lenndrix]

yes. i should really post the last verse.

[lenndrix]

done

[tactheantidog]

Good stuff. I love how your poetry is always developing its strengths, how there's a constant development always going on with your work. I mean, one month your poetry is good, the next it's even better, then even better, etc. Moreso with you than any other poet I've known. Most people settle into their niche, while you're always trying out new structures, new methods, new ideas...