No Matter How Dark the Skies
Title: No Matter How Dark the Skies
Spoilers: Takes place after ep 109 (9x05)
Rating: PG-13 for bittersweet angst. But most of all, there’s love.
Pairing: Pepa/Silvia. Siempre.
Summary: Pepa and Silvia express their eternal, enduring love.
A/N/Disclaimers: The characters of LHDP do not belong to me. At first I was going to post an entry in my LJ about how much the PepSi scene in ep 109 affected me, but I’ve already done that here. I almost didn’t want to write this fanfic since I’ve read a few fans’ comments that they wanted to watch that last scene with PepSi and leave it at that. But I wanted one more thing. To have Pepa see her beloved wife, not just feel her presence. So here’s my humble attempt at how I saw that unfold.
A note on style: This is written in first person. At first I wanted to write it from Silvia’s, but also Pepa’s perspective. So I did both. The first word in a paragraph in bold font will indicate a change of POV. Hopefully it will still be evident if it’s Pepa or Silvia’s voice.
I awkwardly manage to shuffle the keys in my left hand and open the front door. I may not have use of my right hand or arm for a while, but I’m learning to adapt quickly.
As if in a dream, I mechanically close the door behind me and drop the keys on the kitchen table. My feet automatically take me to my room where I sit on the bed, leaning the top half of my body against the headboard, stretching my legs out in front of me. I sit like that for long minutes, unmoving…just feeling, instead of trying to process, what I’ve just gone through.
She was here tonight. I felt her, just about as real as I’ve felt anything in my life. As I’ve felt her lips on my skin, her sweet breath on my lips as she presses hers against mine, kissing me, loving me. But most of all, I felt her heart. Her love, like a healing warmth that pressed against my battered mind and soul, soothing and calming me. And letting me know, most of all, that I’m not alone. She is here. Watching me. Mi Silvia.
A slight breeze caresses my face through the open window, stirring me from my reverie. My lips curl into a small smile, as I catch a glimpse of the beautiful pinpoints of light in an inky, endless black sky. The stars we watched together. A reminder of the beginning of the love that we still share.
“Silvia…” I breathe her name, feeling the air trace my cheeks again. The softest of touches against my skin. “Thank you for being here.”
I close my eyes, her gorgeous face and soft smile coming easily to my mind’s eye. I can see every detail of her beauty - her long red waves falling over her shoulders, the curve of her cheek, the slight freckles on her skin…and her dark eyes, so full of light and love. Only for me.
“Thank you for your love.” My voice sighs as I feel tears slip down my cheeks. But for the first time, they are tears of gratitude, not mind-numbing grief or sadness.
“I’ve been in love with you since the first moment I saw you. For my entire life.” I inhale deeply, feeling her essence with my entire being. “And I will always love you, mi Silvia.”
Slowly I open my eyes. And I smile, my breath coming out slowly, in a wondrous haze. She is here, before my eyes. Smiling back at me.
Just as before, I am with her. I am watching her, as always. Tonight in that room with Paco, I was able to break through to her. To feel her beyond her keenly agonizing pain that, until then, had spiraled through every cell in her body. The anguish that was tearing at her fragile soul and clouding her mind, almost pushing aside the boundless love I know she still holds inside.
I told the story of the stars, of breaking the streetlights with rocks for the first time. I saw her eyes light up with the recognition that I was near, a mere whisper away. And I was happy beyond words that I could infuse a part of myself into her, to bring her calm. A sense of peace.
My fingers trace her cheek as I hear her whisper my name. My own tears begin anew as I hear her gratitude for my love. My love, which was the easiest thing I ever gave.
“I’ve been in love with you since the first moment I saw you. For my entire life.”
At her words spoken out loud, I feel a burgeoning, welcoming warmth rush upon my being and sweep through my entire soul in a whirlwind of motion, strands of my hair whipping around my face. I throw my head back and gasp, sensing a shift in my form as the unseen force moves through me.
“And I will always love you, mi Silvia.”
I open my eyes, finding a smile stretching across my lips as she opens hers at the same time. Her expression is quietly entranced, drinking in the sight of me, free from pain. As if she was expecting she’d see me here.
Words fail me as we sit quietly together. But none are needed at this time. We have always been able to communicate our love through the depth of emotion in our eyes, the curve of our smiles and the tiniest of gestures. This time is no different. The minutes tick by unnoticed.
Finally, she speaks. Still a whisper, as if I might shatter with the sound of a dropping of a pin.
“Hola, mi amor.”
Dios mío, she looks incredible. A radiant, ethereal being that still somehow glows with all the vitality she had in life and more. Her red locks are spilling down past her shoulders just as I pictured it. The white shirt she is wearing only serves to heighten the brilliant spirit I can see inside. Even the skin I see peeking out from her clothes - her delicate bare feet, her forearms, the v of her chest, her hands that held and loved me - are aglow with some force that is from beyond this world. But her eyes are the same in heaven as they were on earth. Silvia’s rich, dark brown eyes are full, speaking of so many things, so many layers of emotions - of my love for her and hers for me.
I swallow, trying to wet my lips before softly saying hello to my love.
“Hola, cariño. Mi Pepa.”
Her voice is the same as it has always been, a sweet ambrosia to my ears. My tears fall even faster, as I realize how much I’ve missed hearing that sound.
“How?” I ask, almost too afraid to tempt the fates if I know too much.
She shrugs, a hint of the impish, playful woman that she always is. “No lo sé.” She purses her lips, considering, her brain working, trying to figure out the puzzle. It’s her second nature. “I think it was because of what you just said.”
“And what you said to me earlier.” I follow up quickly, picking up on her unspoken train of thought. “With Paco…you were there at my side, weren’t you, princessa?” I swallow again. Never in my dreams did I imagine I’d be able to call her that again.
“Sí.” She confirms with a nod, her eyes never leaving mine.
I smile, having verified with my mind what my heart already knew. “I could feel you. I couldn’t hear your words, but I knew. I knew you were telling me how much you loved me.”
“And that I always will.” I see the light reflecting on the tears in her eyes.
“I know. I’ve always known.”
Her shoulders rise and fall as she inhales and exhales, taking in my words, her expression filled with gratitude and hope. I see her eyes shift as, ever the healer, they concernedly, lovingly, sweep over my frame.
“Estás bien?” I hold my breath as her fingers reach out to touch the hard plaster cast covering my right arm. “Are you in a lot of pain?”
I shudder, not unpleasantly, as I feel her incalculable warmth and love radiate through the aching muscles and broken bone of my arm. “No.” I reply, seeing her sigh of relief. “I don’t hurt any more when you’re here with me.”
I know that she can tell that I mean more than the obvious physical pain. “Muy bien.” Another slow exhale. “I can still be your doctor, vale?” Her voice has become light, playful, like it always does when she’s teasing me. “Take your prescription meds if your arm gets too sore, make sure you have a comfortable pillow for your cast and get plenty of rest. And make sure to do all your exercises once it comes off.”
I smile, hearing her authoritative tone. “Claro que sí. Anything for you, princessa.”
Her smile falters as her face becomes serious. “Por favor, my dearest Pepa. Promise me.” She inches closer until her lips are an inch from mine, her dark eyes pleading. “Promise me you’ll take care of yourself.”
I nod, lost in her gorgeous eyes. “I promise. I would never deny anything you asked of me.”
She raises her hand, the light glinting off her wedding band, cupping my cheek. I can’t help but gasp and shiver at her ethereal warmth against my skin. It’s not a solid feel of corporal flesh and bone, but an inexplicable sensation of heat, emotion and the essence that is uniquely her. Mi Silvia. It’s overwhelming, this mere contact incorporating all that she is, all her feelings, all her love - blending intrinsically together and concentrated on the small patch of skin she now traces her fingers upon.
Slowly, our eyes close as our lips meet. We are lost in each other, and yet are found at the same time. We are each other’s salvation, each half of a whole. Even across these planes of existence. Even in death, we will always find each other. I know that now. I don’t have to grieve any more.
We separate as I feel the warmth of lips press against my ear, and smell a scent of jasmine and lavender that reminds me of the scent of her hair.
“Tell me…” The whisper is so low, I almost don’t hear it.
“Te quiero.” I answer, knowing what she needs to hear.
A hint of a breeze against my earlobe is my answer as I see her shoulders sigh in contentment.
“Te quiero.” I repeat, my voice wavering slightly with the unchecked emotion that swells through me.
She shifts to face me, her dark eyes meet mine for a small eternity. “Te quiero, Silvia Castro Miranda.” I cup her face, feeling her unique warmth in my palm. “Siempre. No matter where you are.”
She nods, tears falling again from her eyes. Amazed, I feel the actual wetness of salty drops against my fingers, just like before.
“Tell me.” She inhales sharply, her gaze unwavering. “Tell me you’ll be okay.”
“You’ll always be with me, right?”
“Sí.” She nods. “Even if it won’t always be like it is now.”
I smile reassuringly. “Then I’ll always be okay. I promise, pelirroja.”
Her words make the last remnants of my fear fade. Even in this realm I which I now exist, where there’s supposed to be no worries, no lingering anxieties from the life left behind, I always had one. That my Pepa would be able to survive, to still live, even if I couldn’t physically be with her any longer.
My hand reaches up to cover hers that’s still cradling my face as I smile through my tears.
“I’ve never been so in love with anyone in my entire life.”
She smiles her wide, gorgeous smile as she listens to the words I’ve so wanted to have her hear. I tenderly lean my forehead against hers, trying to instill every ounce of love I have left into my voice.
“It was always you, Pepa. You were always the love of my life, mi mujer.”
Her eyes slip closed, the tears still fresh on her cheeks, the smile still tugging at her lips. Still. Calm. And without fear.
As the last word parts from my lips, I feel the pull of the force sweep through my form again - but this time instead of being pulled away, I am pulled inward, merging and intertwining with Pepa’s very own spirit. Instinctively, I curl my essence around her heart, vowing for the rest of my existence to protect and caress the treasure that was given to me. From the first moment we saw each other. Siempre.
I breathe in as I feel Silvia’s form disappear into mine. The warmth has spread now throughout my mind, my body, everywhere. She’s with me now.
I open my eyes to an empty room. I can almost think of this last encounter as a dream, except -
“Cariño?” I murmur out loud.
I’m still here. Her voice, a beautiful echo. I promised. Always.
I clasp my hand over my chest, feeling her love, her strength inside me, pulsing through me with every beat of the blood through my veins.
“Gracias, mi amor.”
I glance again at the stars still shining through the window and I can swear they’ve gotten brighter.