'I can't do this anymore'
Written and posted on FF 1 month ago.
Pairing: Codiasi
Summary: Ted's been a miserable wrack for weeks now, even pushing his best friend away, not letting anyone close. However, Cody would not be Cody if he gave up just like that.
Warning: Slash, Angst and a tiny bit of Fluff
Young Cody Runnels did not have many friends, he never had. Not because he was not liked, but because he did not trust easily. However, those he did let into his heart, those he did trust, he truly, deeply cared about. And since it were not many, he was able to give them everything.
One of those friends was Ted DiBiase jr. Young Ted, 'Teddy' as he always loved to call him, had been a part of his life for four years now and those four years had never let him down, never disappointed him, never shut him out… until lately.
Ted was standing at the reception of the hotel they all would share for the weekend, a Supershow and a PPV bringing their two rosters together, a seldom occasion as of late. Since the draft last year, they had not been able to spend a lot of time together anymore, but the days they DID had always been something special and nothing short of fun.
Skipping up behind his best friend, goofy grin crossing his lips as he was beyond happy to have spotted the blond after three weeks without seeing him, he placed his large palms over a startled Ted's eyes before leaning in close and brushing his lips over the shell of the blonde's ear.
Luckily, for Ted, the shudder cursing through his body went unnoticed by always unobvious, naïve Cody. "Guess who?" He let out a shaky sigh as soon as he felt those warm, smooth palms on his skin, Cody's voice so low and close to his ear, that it sent shivers through his spine and straight down to his groin… something he did not need at all, not now, not ever.
Hesitantly preying himself free of Cody's grip, the blond turned around, his long-time friend gasping in shock as he took in the state Ted was in. Red, puffy eyes with lines underneath that indicated he had not slept in days; lips thin and raw, showing how often he must have chewed on them as of late -a clear sign of worry and suffering when it came to Ted-; hair ruffed up and sweaty; face wrinkled and boney, worn out… a sight that completely broke Cody's heart.
"Not now, Codes." Even his voice sounded like that of someone else, like it belonged to a lonely, broken and pained man… not to his usually cheerful, caring and warm-hearted Teddy.
His smile dropped instantly, lips turning down in a deep frown, eyes losing their happy, excited sparkle from only moments ago as he almost choked on a disappointed sob. "Oh… okay."
The broken voice was evidence enough for Ted that he had hurt him with his short and heartless, blank comment, but at the moment he did not care. He could not handle this right now, could not look Cody in the eyes or stay around him, not now, not when he was so vulnerable. He knew the second they were alone, he would break down completely… and Ted DiBiase was not a man to show weakness towards anyone… not even Cody.
"Well… I… I'm in room 157… Just in case, you know… in case you wanna talk."
He just nodded his head at his young friend, though he kept his eyes away from him -almost as if wanting to hide them-, and as soon as he received his key-card, he left without another word. He just needed to get away. Just needed to be alone.
Cody just stood there for a long time, staring after his best friend of those past years, so very intense years, wondering what the matter was. He did not know Ted like this, never, the slightly older man always cheerful, always bright around him. Even on bad days, he would always have time for him; he would always MAKE time for him. That there, had not been his Teddy.
His Ted would talk to him if something was wrong, if something was bothering him. Not shut him out. Never, ever.
"Codes… you okay?" The deep, rumbling velvety voice brought him back out of his confusion, sad, wide puppy-dog eyes staring up into icy-blue depths as he realized Randy standing right next to him, a look of concern crossing his features.
"Yeah… yeah… I just…" He trailed off, unable to find the right words as his gaze drifted back to the now clinging elevator doors, closing behind his best friend and making his heart ache even more. "Just… Ted."
He barely registered the strong arm comfortingly wrapping around his shoulder and the soft squeeze the large palm inflicted on his biceps as Randy hugged him close. "I think he needs you now more than ever, Codes."
His eyes went wide as his head snapped back towards his old mentor, his friend, a look of confusion mixing with surprise in his usually bright baby blues. "What do you mean?" He knew something was wrong, he fucking knew it, and Randy had just proven it to him with one single sentence.
The older man shrugged those broad shoulders of his, gaze flicking back over to the elevator as he seemed absent for quite a bit, thinking, brows furrowing in concentration making him look five years older at the least. "I don't think it's my place to tell you… but… he's going through a really rough patch and… He needs you." Even Randy's voice sounded distant, low, whispered, hand once again squeezing the young brunette's biceps before patting it.
"He won't talk to me." Cody shook his head, raking a hand through his fluffy hair while he stared down at his feet, lips drawn together in a worry as he tried to make sense out of this. As he tried to find a way to get through to the blond.
Leaning down, Randy brushed a short, re-assuring kiss against his hairline, sly smile on his lips as he sighed out… and then stepped away. "Don't give up on him… not you, too." With that said, Randy turned around to stride towards the elevators, leaving an even more confused and distressed Cody behind.
'What did he mean? 'Not you, too.'' It took him a long time until he moved again, lost in his thoughts, transfixed on Randy's words, eyes still glued to the elevator as if he was waiting for a miracle… for Ted to come back down and talk to him, for Randy to come back and explain his words, for anything that would give him an easier start… but nothing happened. Obviously, it was in his hands to solve this riddle, to get Ted to open up. Yeah, he would get Ted to talk to him… he NEEDED Ted to talk to him, because nothing broke his heart more than his best friend shutting him out.
Determined, well, determined and rather nervous, he knocked on Ted's door an hour later, after having pursued the nice lady at reception to tell him the room-number and after trying to get a game-plan together. In the end, he had decided to just go by his feelings, with the flow, no plans, no nothing, just him and his spirit. God, he just hoped it would work.
It didn't take long until he heard shuffling inside and a grumbled 'Hang on.', and a minute later the door opened, just enough for Ted to peak his head outside, face drawn into a deep frown as he looked Cody over from head to toe. "What do you want?"
It was so full of venom, spat at him in a tone that resembled disgust, that the young brunette instantly took a step back in shock at the cold words, eyes widening, as he could not believe his own ears. "I… well… I was…" He swallowed hard before taking a deep breathe, seeing resolve in his friends eyes, something akin to regret, and knew that it was now or never. He needed to compose himself, and he needed to do that now.
Before Ted even had a chance to react, Cody stepped forward again and pushed him aside, planting first one foot into the door before then slipping passed the stunned blond to let himself in. "We need to talk. YOU need to talk!"
His heart was beating faster than ever, hammering against his rib cage with painful force. He knew he was risking a lot by just storming inside, by ignoring Ted's earlier request for some space. But he sensed that it was his only chance.
"Codes, I really don't…" The blond trailed off when he turned back around to follow his friend with his eyes, only to see that the younger man had already taken a seat on the edge of his bed. Blue eyes staring at him longingly, a mix of hurt and confusion visible in that deep sea of warmth, those blue depths he always dreamed about, those same eyes that never lied to him.
"Please, Teddy!" The young brunette padded the spot next to him in hope that his friend would join, but the elder did not move, not one step.
He did not say a word, bloodshot, glassy eyes avoiding Cody's gaze, Ted's pained, worn out features not only making him seem sick and tired, but also making him look twice his age.
"I don't understand, Teddy. We always tell each other everything. We're always there for each other. I always thought you trust me. What happened, Teddy? What is it that you can't tell me? Please talk to me." His voice was trembling, filled with hurt, a pang of sadness mixing with determination as wide, hopeful eyes stared at the man that had once been his Ted, his Teddy.
"I can't… I just can't… You gonna hate me… You gonna think less of me… I can't…" He sacked back against the door, a pain-filled sob escaping his lips as his body trembled and shook -the first sign of his walls starting to crumple down.
"I'm never gonna hate you, Teddy… I could never hate you… and you'll always be my hero. Please, Teddy… you're scaring me."
He had not even realized Cody getting up again -taking one step with each word he had spoken- flinching at first at the soft contact of the warm palm against his cheek, but soon relaxing into the touch, his tears now falling freely. "I don't know where to start… Everything's ruined."
It broke Cody's heart, a shaky sigh making it past his lips as he let his palm softly caress his friend's cheek, re-assuring, warmly, trusting blues trying to show strength. "Just start at the beginning."
Ted raised his head, finally meeting those deep blues of his best friend, the man who had always been there for him, had always supported him, always managed to make him smile, the man he came to love over those past years, stronger each day. It was all Ted needed to completely break down.
"Kristen left me two months ago. She left me and reached in the divorce papers. My career's going downhill and I have no fucking idea why. Week in and week out, I'm losing, I'm being used as a punching-ball or a joke, sometimes both. You saw it with your own eyes, Codes. People don't even take me for full anymore. I've lost most of my friends because since Kristen left I've been nothing more than a miserable, grumpy asshole. Not even Randy talks to me anymore. He only looks at me with a mix of disgust and pity and for fuck's sake, I don't need that. I don't want anyone's pity."
He angrily rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to stop the tears that were freely falling, while Cody stood only a foot away, taking it all in, just listening, cerulean blues blinking rapidly as he slowly processed the words.
"I'm slowly losing everything and I don't wanna lose you, too."
"You won't, Teddy. Never."
Ted stopped his ramblings momentarily; raising his head once more to look into his friends eyes, the trust and the faith in them giving him hope, hope that his nightmare would be over soon, that he would get through.
"But I don't understand… Why did Kristen leave? I thought you two… you wanted to have a family and all?"
"We did." Ted's voice was merely a whisper as he lowered his gaze again, tucking his bottom-lip in between his teeth while shrugging his shoulder up to wipe a few more tears away with his shirt. "I… I told her that I love someone else." That he called that person's name in the heat of the moment did not need to be outspoken.
"I fell in love, Codes."
"But… that's okay… I mean… You can't change your feelings, right? I don't get why that's such a bad thing, Teddy."
The naiveness, the innocence, the unawareness, it drove Ted crazy. Pulling away from the younger man and out of the small gap between him and the door, Ted shook his head, turning his back towards his friend. "I fell in love with a man, Codes… That's why. I dunno how it happened, I dunno why me. I mean… Fuck, I'm religious, loving another man is… it's wrong. It's not what I'm supposed to do. I can't do this. My family will hate me, my friends will abandon me. It's wrong, it's just wrong…"
He did not even think about his words as he rambled on, completely forgetting whom he was talking to. Cody, his Cody, who had outed himself the minute they had met many years ago. Cody, who had never made a heal of who he was and what he was, of whom he loved. Men. And the young brunette did not even flinch when he confessed in him.
"Ted? Teddy?"
It was a whisper he barely took for real, as he was lost in his misery, his sorrows, hands running over his face almost angrily, furiously rubbing it as more and more tears rolled down his cheeks. "I can't do this. I can't." He was more talking to himself now. Having talked himself in such frenzy that everything around him had become a blur, that he did not hear the few quick steps Cody had been taken until he stood right in front of him again and preyed his hands away with his own.
"Teddy… It's not wrong. It's not wrong at all." He covered Ted's hands with his palms, warmth radiating through them as he searched the blonde's eyes for a sign that he understood, for a sign that he knew, heartbeat quickening and body shivering. "You can't chose who you love…"
Before Cody even knew what was happening, three little words escaped his friend's lips, three little yet so meaningful words that neither of them ever thought they would hear, not from their opposite. "I love you." And only seconds after he spoke those words, Ted's lips hesitantly covered those of the brunette, carefully, gently caressing as if he would get burned if he pushed too much.
However, to his surprise the brunette never pulled back, never even attempted to look surprised, blue eyes sparkling back at him, those exact same blues he knew would never lie… and in that instant Ted knew that everything could be turned around, that everything would be good again, as long as he just had Cody by his side.
A few R&R's might help me get my inspiration back faster! :)
Pairing: Codiasi
Summary: Ted's been a miserable wrack for weeks now, even pushing his best friend away, not letting anyone close. However, Cody would not be Cody if he gave up just like that.
Warning: Slash, Angst and a tiny bit of Fluff
Young Cody Runnels did not have many friends, he never had. Not because he was not liked, but because he did not trust easily. However, those he did let into his heart, those he did trust, he truly, deeply cared about. And since it were not many, he was able to give them everything.
One of those friends was Ted DiBiase jr. Young Ted, 'Teddy' as he always loved to call him, had been a part of his life for four years now and those four years had never let him down, never disappointed him, never shut him out… until lately.
Ted was standing at the reception of the hotel they all would share for the weekend, a Supershow and a PPV bringing their two rosters together, a seldom occasion as of late. Since the draft last year, they had not been able to spend a lot of time together anymore, but the days they DID had always been something special and nothing short of fun.
Skipping up behind his best friend, goofy grin crossing his lips as he was beyond happy to have spotted the blond after three weeks without seeing him, he placed his large palms over a startled Ted's eyes before leaning in close and brushing his lips over the shell of the blonde's ear.
Luckily, for Ted, the shudder cursing through his body went unnoticed by always unobvious, naïve Cody. "Guess who?" He let out a shaky sigh as soon as he felt those warm, smooth palms on his skin, Cody's voice so low and close to his ear, that it sent shivers through his spine and straight down to his groin… something he did not need at all, not now, not ever.
Hesitantly preying himself free of Cody's grip, the blond turned around, his long-time friend gasping in shock as he took in the state Ted was in. Red, puffy eyes with lines underneath that indicated he had not slept in days; lips thin and raw, showing how often he must have chewed on them as of late -a clear sign of worry and suffering when it came to Ted-; hair ruffed up and sweaty; face wrinkled and boney, worn out… a sight that completely broke Cody's heart.
"Not now, Codes." Even his voice sounded like that of someone else, like it belonged to a lonely, broken and pained man… not to his usually cheerful, caring and warm-hearted Teddy.
His smile dropped instantly, lips turning down in a deep frown, eyes losing their happy, excited sparkle from only moments ago as he almost choked on a disappointed sob. "Oh… okay."
The broken voice was evidence enough for Ted that he had hurt him with his short and heartless, blank comment, but at the moment he did not care. He could not handle this right now, could not look Cody in the eyes or stay around him, not now, not when he was so vulnerable. He knew the second they were alone, he would break down completely… and Ted DiBiase was not a man to show weakness towards anyone… not even Cody.
"Well… I… I'm in room 157… Just in case, you know… in case you wanna talk."
He just nodded his head at his young friend, though he kept his eyes away from him -almost as if wanting to hide them-, and as soon as he received his key-card, he left without another word. He just needed to get away. Just needed to be alone.
Cody just stood there for a long time, staring after his best friend of those past years, so very intense years, wondering what the matter was. He did not know Ted like this, never, the slightly older man always cheerful, always bright around him. Even on bad days, he would always have time for him; he would always MAKE time for him. That there, had not been his Teddy.
His Ted would talk to him if something was wrong, if something was bothering him. Not shut him out. Never, ever.
"Codes… you okay?" The deep, rumbling velvety voice brought him back out of his confusion, sad, wide puppy-dog eyes staring up into icy-blue depths as he realized Randy standing right next to him, a look of concern crossing his features.
"Yeah… yeah… I just…" He trailed off, unable to find the right words as his gaze drifted back to the now clinging elevator doors, closing behind his best friend and making his heart ache even more. "Just… Ted."
He barely registered the strong arm comfortingly wrapping around his shoulder and the soft squeeze the large palm inflicted on his biceps as Randy hugged him close. "I think he needs you now more than ever, Codes."
His eyes went wide as his head snapped back towards his old mentor, his friend, a look of confusion mixing with surprise in his usually bright baby blues. "What do you mean?" He knew something was wrong, he fucking knew it, and Randy had just proven it to him with one single sentence.
The older man shrugged those broad shoulders of his, gaze flicking back over to the elevator as he seemed absent for quite a bit, thinking, brows furrowing in concentration making him look five years older at the least. "I don't think it's my place to tell you… but… he's going through a really rough patch and… He needs you." Even Randy's voice sounded distant, low, whispered, hand once again squeezing the young brunette's biceps before patting it.
"He won't talk to me." Cody shook his head, raking a hand through his fluffy hair while he stared down at his feet, lips drawn together in a worry as he tried to make sense out of this. As he tried to find a way to get through to the blond.
Leaning down, Randy brushed a short, re-assuring kiss against his hairline, sly smile on his lips as he sighed out… and then stepped away. "Don't give up on him… not you, too." With that said, Randy turned around to stride towards the elevators, leaving an even more confused and distressed Cody behind.
'What did he mean? 'Not you, too.'' It took him a long time until he moved again, lost in his thoughts, transfixed on Randy's words, eyes still glued to the elevator as if he was waiting for a miracle… for Ted to come back down and talk to him, for Randy to come back and explain his words, for anything that would give him an easier start… but nothing happened. Obviously, it was in his hands to solve this riddle, to get Ted to open up. Yeah, he would get Ted to talk to him… he NEEDED Ted to talk to him, because nothing broke his heart more than his best friend shutting him out.
Determined, well, determined and rather nervous, he knocked on Ted's door an hour later, after having pursued the nice lady at reception to tell him the room-number and after trying to get a game-plan together. In the end, he had decided to just go by his feelings, with the flow, no plans, no nothing, just him and his spirit. God, he just hoped it would work.
It didn't take long until he heard shuffling inside and a grumbled 'Hang on.', and a minute later the door opened, just enough for Ted to peak his head outside, face drawn into a deep frown as he looked Cody over from head to toe. "What do you want?"
It was so full of venom, spat at him in a tone that resembled disgust, that the young brunette instantly took a step back in shock at the cold words, eyes widening, as he could not believe his own ears. "I… well… I was…" He swallowed hard before taking a deep breathe, seeing resolve in his friends eyes, something akin to regret, and knew that it was now or never. He needed to compose himself, and he needed to do that now.
Before Ted even had a chance to react, Cody stepped forward again and pushed him aside, planting first one foot into the door before then slipping passed the stunned blond to let himself in. "We need to talk. YOU need to talk!"
His heart was beating faster than ever, hammering against his rib cage with painful force. He knew he was risking a lot by just storming inside, by ignoring Ted's earlier request for some space. But he sensed that it was his only chance.
"Codes, I really don't…" The blond trailed off when he turned back around to follow his friend with his eyes, only to see that the younger man had already taken a seat on the edge of his bed. Blue eyes staring at him longingly, a mix of hurt and confusion visible in that deep sea of warmth, those blue depths he always dreamed about, those same eyes that never lied to him.
"Please, Teddy!" The young brunette padded the spot next to him in hope that his friend would join, but the elder did not move, not one step.
He did not say a word, bloodshot, glassy eyes avoiding Cody's gaze, Ted's pained, worn out features not only making him seem sick and tired, but also making him look twice his age.
"I don't understand, Teddy. We always tell each other everything. We're always there for each other. I always thought you trust me. What happened, Teddy? What is it that you can't tell me? Please talk to me." His voice was trembling, filled with hurt, a pang of sadness mixing with determination as wide, hopeful eyes stared at the man that had once been his Ted, his Teddy.
"I can't… I just can't… You gonna hate me… You gonna think less of me… I can't…" He sacked back against the door, a pain-filled sob escaping his lips as his body trembled and shook -the first sign of his walls starting to crumple down.
"I'm never gonna hate you, Teddy… I could never hate you… and you'll always be my hero. Please, Teddy… you're scaring me."
He had not even realized Cody getting up again -taking one step with each word he had spoken- flinching at first at the soft contact of the warm palm against his cheek, but soon relaxing into the touch, his tears now falling freely. "I don't know where to start… Everything's ruined."
It broke Cody's heart, a shaky sigh making it past his lips as he let his palm softly caress his friend's cheek, re-assuring, warmly, trusting blues trying to show strength. "Just start at the beginning."
Ted raised his head, finally meeting those deep blues of his best friend, the man who had always been there for him, had always supported him, always managed to make him smile, the man he came to love over those past years, stronger each day. It was all Ted needed to completely break down.
"Kristen left me two months ago. She left me and reached in the divorce papers. My career's going downhill and I have no fucking idea why. Week in and week out, I'm losing, I'm being used as a punching-ball or a joke, sometimes both. You saw it with your own eyes, Codes. People don't even take me for full anymore. I've lost most of my friends because since Kristen left I've been nothing more than a miserable, grumpy asshole. Not even Randy talks to me anymore. He only looks at me with a mix of disgust and pity and for fuck's sake, I don't need that. I don't want anyone's pity."
He angrily rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to stop the tears that were freely falling, while Cody stood only a foot away, taking it all in, just listening, cerulean blues blinking rapidly as he slowly processed the words.
"I'm slowly losing everything and I don't wanna lose you, too."
"You won't, Teddy. Never."
Ted stopped his ramblings momentarily; raising his head once more to look into his friends eyes, the trust and the faith in them giving him hope, hope that his nightmare would be over soon, that he would get through.
"But I don't understand… Why did Kristen leave? I thought you two… you wanted to have a family and all?"
"We did." Ted's voice was merely a whisper as he lowered his gaze again, tucking his bottom-lip in between his teeth while shrugging his shoulder up to wipe a few more tears away with his shirt. "I… I told her that I love someone else." That he called that person's name in the heat of the moment did not need to be outspoken.
"I fell in love, Codes."
"But… that's okay… I mean… You can't change your feelings, right? I don't get why that's such a bad thing, Teddy."
The naiveness, the innocence, the unawareness, it drove Ted crazy. Pulling away from the younger man and out of the small gap between him and the door, Ted shook his head, turning his back towards his friend. "I fell in love with a man, Codes… That's why. I dunno how it happened, I dunno why me. I mean… Fuck, I'm religious, loving another man is… it's wrong. It's not what I'm supposed to do. I can't do this. My family will hate me, my friends will abandon me. It's wrong, it's just wrong…"
He did not even think about his words as he rambled on, completely forgetting whom he was talking to. Cody, his Cody, who had outed himself the minute they had met many years ago. Cody, who had never made a heal of who he was and what he was, of whom he loved. Men. And the young brunette did not even flinch when he confessed in him.
"Ted? Teddy?"
It was a whisper he barely took for real, as he was lost in his misery, his sorrows, hands running over his face almost angrily, furiously rubbing it as more and more tears rolled down his cheeks. "I can't do this. I can't." He was more talking to himself now. Having talked himself in such frenzy that everything around him had become a blur, that he did not hear the few quick steps Cody had been taken until he stood right in front of him again and preyed his hands away with his own.
"Teddy… It's not wrong. It's not wrong at all." He covered Ted's hands with his palms, warmth radiating through them as he searched the blonde's eyes for a sign that he understood, for a sign that he knew, heartbeat quickening and body shivering. "You can't chose who you love…"
Before Cody even knew what was happening, three little words escaped his friend's lips, three little yet so meaningful words that neither of them ever thought they would hear, not from their opposite. "I love you." And only seconds after he spoke those words, Ted's lips hesitantly covered those of the brunette, carefully, gently caressing as if he would get burned if he pushed too much.
However, to his surprise the brunette never pulled back, never even attempted to look surprised, blue eyes sparkling back at him, those exact same blues he knew would never lie… and in that instant Ted knew that everything could be turned around, that everything would be good again, as long as he just had Cody by his side.
A few R&R's might help me get my inspiration back faster! :)