"Out of Hell, Heaven Awaits"
[April 2006 prompt :: quote prompt #6]
There was a time when I thought I'd never want revenge as much as I had when Julia was killed. She'd been my best friend, my sister in many ways. And I'd been left behind, unable to protect her, like she'd protected me so many times in the past. I wanted to kill Derek for leaving me behind, research or no. I was a part of the team and I should have been there when she was killed, when the others met Rachel and Kat.
And then they brought Julia's ashes and the Corrigan women to the castle. It hurt like hell to toss Julia's ashes into the pond. I knew it was what she'd wanted. She'd told me on several occasions that if she were to die, she'd want cremation and for her ashes to go into that pond. Derek didn't fight me on it. Nick insisted upon it, just as I did.
And then I met Rachel. She was so beautiful, so stunning, even as she lay there practically in a coma. I felt things for her that I hadn't expected to feel. And we hadn't even been formally introduced. Nor had I really mourned Julia's death. I wasn't supposed to feel like that, not yet. I needed the time to mourn Julia's loss.
Was I given that chance? No. That damned demon from the sepulcher that Rachel and Seamus O'Flynn had unleashed wouldn't allow it. The demon knew my weakness, knew of my self-imposed guilt at not being in Ireland when Julia was killed. I tried to fight it, tried to fight my guilt, but I couldn't. And it got the key from me.
It got the keys from all of us. Azazel, that was the name Phillip gave us. The name that gave it enough pause for Derek to wound it, so we could close all five sepulchers, once again cage the demons within.
She'd been so strong, my Rachel. Surviving not only the loss of her husband and son, but the renewed loss of her son via the demonspawn she'd been forced to bear so rapidly. Seeing her body swell with pregnancy, even a supernaturally evil pregnancy, was something I found myself fascinated by.
I think it was in the midst of that guilt and vengeance that I found the first kernels of love for Rachel. Even if I didn't understand it back then. Even if it took me more than four years to fully understand and acknowledge my feelings.
There was a time when I thought I'd never want revenge as much as I had when Julia was killed. She'd been my best friend, my sister in many ways. And I'd been left behind, unable to protect her, like she'd protected me so many times in the past. I wanted to kill Derek for leaving me behind, research or no. I was a part of the team and I should have been there when she was killed, when the others met Rachel and Kat.
And then they brought Julia's ashes and the Corrigan women to the castle. It hurt like hell to toss Julia's ashes into the pond. I knew it was what she'd wanted. She'd told me on several occasions that if she were to die, she'd want cremation and for her ashes to go into that pond. Derek didn't fight me on it. Nick insisted upon it, just as I did.
And then I met Rachel. She was so beautiful, so stunning, even as she lay there practically in a coma. I felt things for her that I hadn't expected to feel. And we hadn't even been formally introduced. Nor had I really mourned Julia's death. I wasn't supposed to feel like that, not yet. I needed the time to mourn Julia's loss.
Was I given that chance? No. That damned demon from the sepulcher that Rachel and Seamus O'Flynn had unleashed wouldn't allow it. The demon knew my weakness, knew of my self-imposed guilt at not being in Ireland when Julia was killed. I tried to fight it, tried to fight my guilt, but I couldn't. And it got the key from me.
It got the keys from all of us. Azazel, that was the name Phillip gave us. The name that gave it enough pause for Derek to wound it, so we could close all five sepulchers, once again cage the demons within.
She'd been so strong, my Rachel. Surviving not only the loss of her husband and son, but the renewed loss of her son via the demonspawn she'd been forced to bear so rapidly. Seeing her body swell with pregnancy, even a supernaturally evil pregnancy, was something I found myself fascinated by.
I think it was in the midst of that guilt and vengeance that I found the first kernels of love for Rachel. Even if I didn't understand it back then. Even if it took me more than four years to fully understand and acknowledge my feelings.