Fic: Beneath the Surface - (8/?) Charles/Erik
Title: Beneath the Surface (8/?), 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
Fandom: X-Men: First Class, Charles/Erik
Genre: AU; Drama/Romance
Rating: PG-13/mild R for this chapter, possibly up to NC-17 later.
Word Count: 4127
Summary: Charles is a young marine biologist and activist that, one day, makes the find of his lifetime. Inspired by this fanart
Author's Note: Still un-beta'ed. Again thank you all so much for the lovely feedback. I'm loving all the input and questions, as well as the constructive criticism. I'm going to a wedding this weekend, so I'm not sure I'll be able to finish another chapter before that. I'll try my best, but it's possible I'll only update sometime early next week.
Charles felt frozen in pure shock for a moment in which his mind seemed to have troubles catching on with the sudden turn of events. He had just been about to kiss Erik, completely drawn to him and forgetting everything else around. Until Hank and Alex had stormed in, and his first thought had been: damnit, not now. Until he'd realized the damage that had been done was much greater than disturbing an intimate moment.
"Holy shit!" The words, as well as the sound of water splashing finally shook him from his paralysis, and Charles pushed himself out of the water, not minding his soaked and dripping clothes as he ran around the pool and towards Alex and Hank. First get them out of here, not let them stare and ogle. Deal with the rest later.
"Out. Out!" he urged as he reached them and pushed them towards the exit. Which proved difficult with Hank almost literally rooted to the spot, gaping at Erik who still struggled to shift back or hide himself from their glances. It caused an unpleasant stab of guilt and sympathy to shoot through Charles' middle, especially in light of what he had just learned.
"But… He's… he's a shark," Alex half gasped, half laughed in disbelief as he reluctantly started to move, as well as Hank who almost stumbled then as they rounded the half-wall. Although it took him only a few seconds to get them out of the swim hall and up the stairs it felt like too much time was passing without Charles being able to do or say anything productive, and he wracked his brain for the best, the shortest and least alarming explanation.
"Dude, what the hell?" Alex repeated as they reached the landing and stepped out into the main hallway of the house. "Jesus fucking Christ, what the hell?"
Finally, Hank seemed to have regained his speech as well, but his eyes were wide, not only in pure disbelief as Alex' but something like utter horror. "What… what was that? Why does h-he…" he fumbled feebly with one hand, as if he couldn't bring himself to even speak the words. "But that's impossible. He can't have… That's just…"
"Okay, please calm down, both of you," Charles pleaded, laying one hand on Hank's shoulder to stop him from fidgeting. "I'll explain everything."
"But how do you explain something like THAT?" Hank's voice rose now. "What's going on here? Why's he… I thought he was on the run because Shaw killed his parents!"
"Holy fuck, this is unbelievable!" Alex called out and dug his hands into his hair, shaking his head and releasing another breathy laugh.
"And that was the truth, Hank," Charles tried to explain calmly. "Shaw killed them, and he knows what Erik is, which is why he's trying to find Erik."
"This isn't happening," Hank stuttered. "This… no. This is - Did you know what he was? When you…"
"Yes. I knew what he was from the beginning."
"And you just dragged me into this? Y-you just… Oh God. Oh God." His voice hitched and he panted slightly, one hand reaching down onto his thigh as if he had to steady himself.
"Hank, listen to me. I'll explain everything, alright? It's okay. It's - "
"No, it's NOT okay! No, no, no, that's… I'm losing my mind here. I did not just see that."
"Yeah you did. Or we're losing our minds together," Alex said, thankfully a lot calmer than Hank, but he, too, stared around in disbelief and shock, shaking his head.
"This isn't funny," Hank said weakly. "No, it's really not funny."
"Hey, what's going on here?" When Hank looked like he was about to start hyperventilating, Raven and Irene came out of the living room, and Charles barely noticed the slightly disheveled look on both of them, Raven, who had spoken, walking out first and toward them.
Alex threw his hands up in a desperately exaggerated shrug. "Erik's a shark. Some kind of weird shark-merman or whatever. And I yeah I just said that."
"This isn't happening," Hank repeated, his hand now blindly trying to reach for something else to hold on to.
As predicted, all Raven's expression displayed was concern at the revealed knowledge, but Irene remained surprisingly calm, her brow furrowing and her lips slightly parted, but no sign of complete disbelief or shock, either.
"They stormed in. We didn't hear them coming," Charles explained, suppressing a sigh and the urge to glare at his sister for not having made sure nobody would go down there.
"Oh," she let out, obviously unsure what else to say.
"Oh? Oh?? You knew about this?" Hank croaked as he stared at her, now turning slightly angry.
"Yes, Hank, I did. So what?" Raven replied, exasperated.
"I don't believe this. How about you could have told me?"
"Told you what? You would've thought we're nuts! Besides, it's none of your business anyway."
"None of my -" Hank swallowed, and now he positively looked like he was about to either faint or throw a complete fit. "Y-you call me and ask me to steal stuff from the hospital which could have cost me my job… which I'm gonna lose now anyway because I can't go back home because I'm stuck in some nightmare of a-a… whatever this is. Jus-just because you rescue some freak sea creature?"
Until a moment ago, Charles had felt somewhat sorry for Hank, could imagine his shock and disbelief and also fear about their entire situation, but upon hearing those words from the younger man's mouth he felt cold anger spread through his body.
"Oh, you did not just say that!" Raven exclaimed, visibly and audibly enraged. Even hurt. "Hank, seriously! You of all people? Calling someone else a freak… that's rich, really! Who came running to me in high school, crying because the other kids made fun of you because of your glasses, your big feet and you overall being the biggest fucking nerd on the planet."
"Um, fish tail kinda trumps big feet," Alex said.
Raven snapped at him, "Shut up!" after which he raised his hands apologetically.
"Hank, listen, and listen very closely." Charles took a closer step towards Hank, forcing himself to remain calm despite his disappointment and anger. "You're one of Raven's and my best friends, and I understand that you're confused and scared, but you need to calm down or I swear to God I'm going to kick you out of this house if I ever hear you say something like this again."
There was silence for a moment or longer. Everyone looked at Charles, probably surprised. Impressed maybe. He wasn't really known for being harsh and authoritarian, but something inside him had just snapped when he had heard Hank say those cruel words about Erik. That story he had just heard, the horrors Erik had had to go through because someone else had regarded him as freak of nature and not worth of being treated like a human - it made him feel sick and angry, his neck prickling with rage at the injustice of it all.
Maybe he had been a little too hard on Hank, however, he thought as soon as he saw the younger man's eyes grow wide, his brow deeply furrowed, lips parted as he stared somewhere onto the floor.
"I-I'm sorry," he said somewhat hoarsely. "It's just… God, this is all too much. I just… I want this to be over. I want to go home and not be stuck in this… this… thing where we can't even go to the police or anything because of… Well, how do you explain that to anyone?"
"We can't," Charles conceded, mildly conciliated.
"No shit," Alex laughed out and shook his head again. The disbelief in his tone and features hadn't vanished, but at least he seemed to be more willing to simply deal with what they were facing. "Hey, how come you don't look surprised?" he asked Irene then who stood right next to Raven.
She let out a soft chuckle and swallowed. "I… can't say that I'm not," she confessed. "And I'm not really sure I understand what exactly you meant by 'shark' and 'fish tail' and all that. But… well. Raven asked me not to ask any questions. I kind of figured there was something…"
"Fishy about him?" Alex concluded and immediately after stared at Charles, eyes wide. "I mean… Dude, sorry, I didn't mean it like that, alright?"
Charles would have laughed, just that he couldn't. Instead he took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment, one hand going up to his temple to rub it as he tried to wrap his mind around everything that had happened and been said within the past few minutes. They weren't supposed to find out, or at least not like this. But then again… Maybe it was only fair that they knew the whole truth, knew what they had gotten themselves into. Knew what, no, who they were protecting.
"I need to…" Hank looked around, probably searching for a chair or something else to sit on, before he turned to look at Charles again. "How does that even work? What… I mean…"
"I'll explain everything to you once you've all calmed down, alright? But first I need to go check on Erik. He didn't mean for you to see, and I need to make sure he knows there won't be a problem. There won't be a problem, will it?"
"Not from me. What am I supposed to do? Go to the police and say 'there's a shark man in my buddy's pool'? Yeah. One-way trip to the funny farm."
Charles smiled very briefly at Alex, nodding in thanks. "Good. And you?"
Hank shrugged, still looking shaken and guilty. "No. I mean, no."
"Alright, then why don't -"
In that moment, the front door was being opened and Agnes stepped in, one hand on her hip as she looked at them all, about to scold for the delay but turning mildly confused. Thankfully, Alex was quickest to react.
"Change of plans. We were just discussing snacks and stuff. Sorry. I'll come with you," he looked back at Charles as if to ask for permission but also nodding faintly at him, which Charles hoped was a non-verbal promise not to tell her anything.
"Oh, but I thought Hank wanted to go looking for socks and underwear," Agnes said with motherly concern and walked closer, only stopping at the small table by the entrance to pick up her purse.
"The DVD player is broken," Raven said quickly, obviously just having come up with that idea. "He wants to help us fix it."
"Ah, alright," Agnes replied. "Well then, we'll be on our way. I'll try to pick something up for you, honey. What's your size? You really do have quite large feet," she added as she looked down at him and smiled, briefly patting his cheek and thankfully neither noticing Alex' snorted cough nor the look of embarrassment on Hank's features.
As Alex and Agnes left while Raven and Irene led Hank back into the living room so he could sit down first and drink some water, Charles turned back towards the staircase leading into the basement. His heart nearly gave out then, because, as soon as he had reached it, he could see Erik standing on the middle landing, concealed by the surrounding wall but in full earshot of the entire conversation that had taken place.
Charles did not know what to say.
~*~
It was a really fortunate circumstance that they had plenty of strong, English tea in the house, Charles thought the next day when he had been close to just falling asleep twice, one time before lunch and the next in the afternoon. He couldn't remember when he had last slept undisturbed and long enough for an entire night. The worries about their current situation - sometimes nightmares that followed them - weren't the only reason that had had him toss and turn, unable to get some rest last night. And it had only been a lot later, after he'd given in to the urges of his body, feeling like a 14-year-old with a silly schoolboy's crush, that he'd finally been able to sleep. He had felt a little guilty in the morning, too. Not about what he had done, per se - he was neither catholic nor ascetic enough for such nonsense - but about having, well, used Erik that way. As if he had somehow besmirched him, stained him in a way that wasn't fair and honest and appropriate. It hadn't been just some dirty little fantasy, though, and in a way that even made it worse, made him almost unable to look Erik in the eyes as they sat in the winter garden next to the kitchen with a board of chess between them. As if he was afraid Erik would somehow be able to see that embarrassing little secret in his eyes, although Charles knew that was ridiculous.
Yesterday, in the pool, he would have kissed him. He most definitely would have, because in that moment it had felt right, inevitable even. Now, with the cold facts of reality having surfaced and that intimate, even magical moment long past, he realized again that his feelings would have to go unanswered. Even if Erik reciprocated them on some level - he had not drawn back from either the embrace or the small kisses to his forehead - it just seemed wrong on so many levels to Charles. First of, there was the most obvious reason that there were much more pressing issues burdening all of them than to think of something as silly and mundane as a little romance - if you could even call it that. Secondly, if Charles hadn't misinterpreted Erik's story, Erik was, in fact, surprising as it seemed, still a virgin (and God, he hated that word, hated it because it sounded so trivial and belittling, kind of demeaning even, something that was used in jokes and comedy shows to make fun of men that were such losers for still not having gotten any at the age of thirty and older). Technicalities aside, even thinking of Erik in a sexual context made Charles feel as if he was befouling something innocent and pure.
The most crucial reason, however, was the fact that Erik simply didn't belong here. He may have been able to uphold the illusion that he could adjust to the life of humans, or land-walkers as he called them, but Charles knew this wasn't right in the long run. It was like caging a majestic animal that needed to be free lest it withered and died, or, in the best possible scenario survived as a weary and weak shell of its former self (there was a reason why he and Moira had often had heated arguments about her work at the aquarium before they had broken up - although the marine animals on display there were known to adjust well to life in captivity, and he'd maybe been too hard on her sometimes, their conflicts just a general sign of their relationship falling apart).
He had been thinking about Moira a lot those past two days, not because he missed her or wished things had turned out differently - after all they were still friends and had both realized a purely platonic relationship was doing them much, much better. But he had compared, wondered where his life would take him in the future, even hypothesized for brief moments what it might be like to be in a relationship with Erik to whom he felt much more connected than he'd ever had to Moira or any of his other liaisons and relationships. Wondered if he'd end up forever alone because he was too much of an idealist and dreamer for anybody real to deal with.
Maybe it was that sense of unreality that made him think he was falling in love with Erik. Something he needed to get over, get a grip on himself and act like a grown-up.
"Charles? Are you sure you want to make that move?"
Erik's voice tore him from his reverie, his eyes rising from the surface of the chess board where he had half-heartedly moved his bishop to threaten Erik's knight. He had completely failed to see that with that move, even if it meant he'd take one of Erik's important pieces in the next, his queen was in direct line of Erik's own bishop now.
"Oh," he breathed and tried to smile at Erik, shaking his thoughts off. "I'm sorry. I must have overlooked that. But the move is made. Go ahead."
"You can take it back, if you want," Erik said, and Charles could swear that he was trying to read him, brow slightly furrowed in skepticism as he looked at Charles.
"No, it's alright. I should have known better than to make such a stupid mistake. My loss, your gain."
Erik still seemed to ponder for a second before he leaned forward and moved his bishop, taking the white queen off the board but holding it in his hand for a moment longer. "Check."
Charles couldn't help but smile then, though the pride and admiration he felt was mixed with a melancholy heaviness in his chest. "You're learning fast, my friend. You'll beat me even if I don't commit such silly errors in no time," he said and moved a pawn to take out Erik's bishop. That still left Erik's knight unguarded and in danger, but there were several other possible moves now that could justify losing that piece.
"What were you thinking about?" Erik asked calmly, but there was a tiny undertone in his voice that was somehow challenging, even intimidating in light of what Charles had been thinking about.
He let out an unsure chuckle and shifted his weight, crossing one knee over the other as he leaned back and glanced sideways to the small table with his tea cup. "Nothing in particular," he lied, feeling guilty. "Well, just… you know, everything that's been going on. But don't let that disturb you. I'll promise to stay focused now."
Erik seemed to accept the response, yet he appeared to be in thoughts himself now, gaze in direction of the chess board but not really looking at it, or so Charles imagined.
He wanted to find a topic, anything, that would distract him from his previous thoughts and still explain his broodiness, but he could come up with nothing that would not remind Erik of the more unpleasant things going on. Even though he had not said anything and tried to hide it, Charles had seen yesterday that Hank, Irene and Alex finding out about him, and especially Hank's harsh words, had troubled him. Charles was even pretty certain, in a way, Erik had been embarrassed which had been confirmed by the fact that he had stayed in his room for almost all of the remaining day. And this morning during breakfast, Erik had rather glared at Hank in distrust.
In retrospect, Charles really did feel sorry for Hank. He knew Hank was a good person and not someone to easily judge others or be outright mean to them, but he sometimes had a tendency to express himself a little poorly. And he really had been quite freaked out, understandably. Charles just hoped that Erik understood this as well and had forgiven Hank, despite having accepted the apology this morning rather grumpily.
"Hm, I'm not sure…"
"Not sure about what?" Charles asked, again torn into the present.
Erik released a slightly deeper breath that almost seemed like a groan. "This move", he said, nodding towards the chess board where his fingers were hovering above his knight.
"Oh. Right."
"You're really not in the game right now, are you, Charles?" It could have sounded teasingly admonishing, especially since there was a small smirk on Erik's lips, but his eyes lacked their usual glint of mischief in such situations that Charles had already gotten used to and come to appreciate.
"I'm sorry."
"I said I'm not worried about the others knowing. Maybe it was even necessary," Erik continued, leaning back into his chair to take a pause from the game if necessary. He tilted his head slightly. "Unless there's something else on your mind."
Charles felt caught, a stab of panic shooting through his middle, and he desperately hoped his cheeks weren't reddening as he felt slight heat crawl across his skin. It took him completely by surprise, ice-cold, that he only realized now that maybe there was the possibility Erik understood just perfectly what was going on. Despite his innocence and lack of experience he wasn't a naïve child; he must have - or could have - known that Charles had meant to kiss him yesterday. Maybe he would've even wanted it to happen, was thinking about it now as well, wanted them to be together and…
Stop. Just stop thinking about it
"I wanted to apologize for my behavior yesterday," Charles blurted out then, not quite sure why he had said that.
"What do you mean?" Erik asked, his gaze fixed on Charles more intently, and Charles almost wanted to smack his forehead then. Maybe Erik really hadn't realized.
"I mean my… well… that I didn't keep my distance. It was inappropriate."
"Oh." Or maybe he had and this was a look of disappointment he saw on Erik's features?
"You know, how about I put on some music? It's a bit quiet here, don't you think?" Charles started and got up from his seat. "Do you like music?" Damnit, there used to be a radio in the winter garden somewhere.
"Unless you're talking about whale song and seagulls I'm not sure I'm an expert on it," Erik replied, and Charles could have sworn there was something definitely mocking in his tone now.
"Right. What about your grandmother, though? Did she put on some music sometimes? Anything you'd remember? I have quite the big record collection upstairs in my father's old music room. He was a big fan of forties jazz, some rock 'n roll and classical music. Like you said, my mind's not on the game. We could finish this another time. Or m -"
The rest of the word was drowned in a slightly squeaked mumble, muted by the lips that were suddenly on his. So suddenly that Charles had not even had time to wonder why Erik gotten up from his chair as well and crossed the distance between them. The mumbled attempt to finish his sentence turned into a sigh as he fully registered the feel of Erik's lips on his, soft and warm, the contact gentle and rather chaste but sending shivers through his entire body and causing his heart to flutter in his chest with such ferocity that it felt like it wanted to jump right out of him. A hand was at the back of his neck, the contact equally gentle, but soon he found his lips yielding, opening ever so slightly against the carefully exploring contact. Unpracticed, and maybe even a little awkward, no tongue just yet, but it felt simply wonderful. So full of longing and need and want and…
He drew away, breathing hard with shock and surprise at what had just happened. Torn between wanting more and that feeling of guilt in the back of his mind.
"Oh Erik, what are you doing? No, this…" He sighed, not wanting to look into those sea-green eyes that looked at him in confusion now.
"We can't do this. I mean, you're… and I'm…." He meant to say that he couldn't ask this from Erik, that Erik belonged into the ocean while he belonged here, or his apartment in Manhattan, with his family and friends and job and all the things that would hold Erik back, but he could not find the words on his tongue, still tasting the gentle kiss that made him ache for more.
Erik's gaze darkened then, whether with hurt or anger or something else entirely Charles couldn't tell, but he nodded and turned away. "You're right. We're more different than I thought," he said with an undertone of bitterness that made Charles wonder what exactly he meant. Maybe the realization that this… this thing between them didn't have any prospect for the future hurt him as much as it hurt Charles.
"We can finish the game tomorrow. Good night Charles." And with that, Erik headed for the door while Charles still stood in the winter garden, unable to speak or move except for the heavy, heavy breaths making his chest rise and constrict.
Why, just why had he let it come so far?
~ TBC ~
Chapter 9
A/N: Sooo... you wanted a kiss, didn't you? Apparently my story demanded a kiss as well without me knowing. I hadn't planned for it to happen here aleady, but the thing kinda wrote itself ^^
There was something else I wanted to mention - I kinda have this thing like twice a day where I think "Oooh yeah, you've gotta put that in the A/N next time", and by the time I post my next chapter I've forgotten it. Ah well ^^
One thing though: California passed the bill on banning trade and sell of shark fins yesterday which is a HUGE success. When I mentioned that Shaw's doing illegal shark finning business I simply thought I wouldn't specify the year this is set in, or see it as "AU" of the real world in which there are already stricter laws. But now it could be set next year ^^
Anyway, hope you're enjoying the chapter despite the angst. And if you're now thinking Charles is a gigantic moron you have my full approval. ^^ I will have to have a word with him.
ETA: Oh right, I remember one thing: the winter garden ^^ Just in case any of you are wondering, I was thinking that maybe the mansion has a slightly different layout in 2012 than it had back then. Maybe the rooms are used differently, most likely decorated differently. And I thought it would be nice to have something more nature like within the house with plants and all that. Okay. Just a minor detail... but that kinda still wasn't it. ^^ Maybe I'll remember it later.
Fandom: X-Men: First Class, Charles/Erik
Genre: AU; Drama/Romance
Rating: PG-13/mild R for this chapter, possibly up to NC-17 later.
Word Count: 4127
Summary: Charles is a young marine biologist and activist that, one day, makes the find of his lifetime. Inspired by this fanart
Author's Note: Still un-beta'ed. Again thank you all so much for the lovely feedback. I'm loving all the input and questions, as well as the constructive criticism. I'm going to a wedding this weekend, so I'm not sure I'll be able to finish another chapter before that. I'll try my best, but it's possible I'll only update sometime early next week.
Charles felt frozen in pure shock for a moment in which his mind seemed to have troubles catching on with the sudden turn of events. He had just been about to kiss Erik, completely drawn to him and forgetting everything else around. Until Hank and Alex had stormed in, and his first thought had been: damnit, not now. Until he'd realized the damage that had been done was much greater than disturbing an intimate moment.
"Holy shit!" The words, as well as the sound of water splashing finally shook him from his paralysis, and Charles pushed himself out of the water, not minding his soaked and dripping clothes as he ran around the pool and towards Alex and Hank. First get them out of here, not let them stare and ogle. Deal with the rest later.
"Out. Out!" he urged as he reached them and pushed them towards the exit. Which proved difficult with Hank almost literally rooted to the spot, gaping at Erik who still struggled to shift back or hide himself from their glances. It caused an unpleasant stab of guilt and sympathy to shoot through Charles' middle, especially in light of what he had just learned.
"But… He's… he's a shark," Alex half gasped, half laughed in disbelief as he reluctantly started to move, as well as Hank who almost stumbled then as they rounded the half-wall. Although it took him only a few seconds to get them out of the swim hall and up the stairs it felt like too much time was passing without Charles being able to do or say anything productive, and he wracked his brain for the best, the shortest and least alarming explanation.
"Dude, what the hell?" Alex repeated as they reached the landing and stepped out into the main hallway of the house. "Jesus fucking Christ, what the hell?"
Finally, Hank seemed to have regained his speech as well, but his eyes were wide, not only in pure disbelief as Alex' but something like utter horror. "What… what was that? Why does h-he…" he fumbled feebly with one hand, as if he couldn't bring himself to even speak the words. "But that's impossible. He can't have… That's just…"
"Okay, please calm down, both of you," Charles pleaded, laying one hand on Hank's shoulder to stop him from fidgeting. "I'll explain everything."
"But how do you explain something like THAT?" Hank's voice rose now. "What's going on here? Why's he… I thought he was on the run because Shaw killed his parents!"
"Holy fuck, this is unbelievable!" Alex called out and dug his hands into his hair, shaking his head and releasing another breathy laugh.
"And that was the truth, Hank," Charles tried to explain calmly. "Shaw killed them, and he knows what Erik is, which is why he's trying to find Erik."
"This isn't happening," Hank stuttered. "This… no. This is - Did you know what he was? When you…"
"Yes. I knew what he was from the beginning."
"And you just dragged me into this? Y-you just… Oh God. Oh God." His voice hitched and he panted slightly, one hand reaching down onto his thigh as if he had to steady himself.
"Hank, listen to me. I'll explain everything, alright? It's okay. It's - "
"No, it's NOT okay! No, no, no, that's… I'm losing my mind here. I did not just see that."
"Yeah you did. Or we're losing our minds together," Alex said, thankfully a lot calmer than Hank, but he, too, stared around in disbelief and shock, shaking his head.
"This isn't funny," Hank said weakly. "No, it's really not funny."
"Hey, what's going on here?" When Hank looked like he was about to start hyperventilating, Raven and Irene came out of the living room, and Charles barely noticed the slightly disheveled look on both of them, Raven, who had spoken, walking out first and toward them.
Alex threw his hands up in a desperately exaggerated shrug. "Erik's a shark. Some kind of weird shark-merman or whatever. And I yeah I just said that."
"This isn't happening," Hank repeated, his hand now blindly trying to reach for something else to hold on to.
As predicted, all Raven's expression displayed was concern at the revealed knowledge, but Irene remained surprisingly calm, her brow furrowing and her lips slightly parted, but no sign of complete disbelief or shock, either.
"They stormed in. We didn't hear them coming," Charles explained, suppressing a sigh and the urge to glare at his sister for not having made sure nobody would go down there.
"Oh," she let out, obviously unsure what else to say.
"Oh? Oh?? You knew about this?" Hank croaked as he stared at her, now turning slightly angry.
"Yes, Hank, I did. So what?" Raven replied, exasperated.
"I don't believe this. How about you could have told me?"
"Told you what? You would've thought we're nuts! Besides, it's none of your business anyway."
"None of my -" Hank swallowed, and now he positively looked like he was about to either faint or throw a complete fit. "Y-you call me and ask me to steal stuff from the hospital which could have cost me my job… which I'm gonna lose now anyway because I can't go back home because I'm stuck in some nightmare of a-a… whatever this is. Jus-just because you rescue some freak sea creature?"
Until a moment ago, Charles had felt somewhat sorry for Hank, could imagine his shock and disbelief and also fear about their entire situation, but upon hearing those words from the younger man's mouth he felt cold anger spread through his body.
"Oh, you did not just say that!" Raven exclaimed, visibly and audibly enraged. Even hurt. "Hank, seriously! You of all people? Calling someone else a freak… that's rich, really! Who came running to me in high school, crying because the other kids made fun of you because of your glasses, your big feet and you overall being the biggest fucking nerd on the planet."
"Um, fish tail kinda trumps big feet," Alex said.
Raven snapped at him, "Shut up!" after which he raised his hands apologetically.
"Hank, listen, and listen very closely." Charles took a closer step towards Hank, forcing himself to remain calm despite his disappointment and anger. "You're one of Raven's and my best friends, and I understand that you're confused and scared, but you need to calm down or I swear to God I'm going to kick you out of this house if I ever hear you say something like this again."
There was silence for a moment or longer. Everyone looked at Charles, probably surprised. Impressed maybe. He wasn't really known for being harsh and authoritarian, but something inside him had just snapped when he had heard Hank say those cruel words about Erik. That story he had just heard, the horrors Erik had had to go through because someone else had regarded him as freak of nature and not worth of being treated like a human - it made him feel sick and angry, his neck prickling with rage at the injustice of it all.
Maybe he had been a little too hard on Hank, however, he thought as soon as he saw the younger man's eyes grow wide, his brow deeply furrowed, lips parted as he stared somewhere onto the floor.
"I-I'm sorry," he said somewhat hoarsely. "It's just… God, this is all too much. I just… I want this to be over. I want to go home and not be stuck in this… this… thing where we can't even go to the police or anything because of… Well, how do you explain that to anyone?"
"We can't," Charles conceded, mildly conciliated.
"No shit," Alex laughed out and shook his head again. The disbelief in his tone and features hadn't vanished, but at least he seemed to be more willing to simply deal with what they were facing. "Hey, how come you don't look surprised?" he asked Irene then who stood right next to Raven.
She let out a soft chuckle and swallowed. "I… can't say that I'm not," she confessed. "And I'm not really sure I understand what exactly you meant by 'shark' and 'fish tail' and all that. But… well. Raven asked me not to ask any questions. I kind of figured there was something…"
"Fishy about him?" Alex concluded and immediately after stared at Charles, eyes wide. "I mean… Dude, sorry, I didn't mean it like that, alright?"
Charles would have laughed, just that he couldn't. Instead he took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment, one hand going up to his temple to rub it as he tried to wrap his mind around everything that had happened and been said within the past few minutes. They weren't supposed to find out, or at least not like this. But then again… Maybe it was only fair that they knew the whole truth, knew what they had gotten themselves into. Knew what, no, who they were protecting.
"I need to…" Hank looked around, probably searching for a chair or something else to sit on, before he turned to look at Charles again. "How does that even work? What… I mean…"
"I'll explain everything to you once you've all calmed down, alright? But first I need to go check on Erik. He didn't mean for you to see, and I need to make sure he knows there won't be a problem. There won't be a problem, will it?"
"Not from me. What am I supposed to do? Go to the police and say 'there's a shark man in my buddy's pool'? Yeah. One-way trip to the funny farm."
Charles smiled very briefly at Alex, nodding in thanks. "Good. And you?"
Hank shrugged, still looking shaken and guilty. "No. I mean, no."
"Alright, then why don't -"
In that moment, the front door was being opened and Agnes stepped in, one hand on her hip as she looked at them all, about to scold for the delay but turning mildly confused. Thankfully, Alex was quickest to react.
"Change of plans. We were just discussing snacks and stuff. Sorry. I'll come with you," he looked back at Charles as if to ask for permission but also nodding faintly at him, which Charles hoped was a non-verbal promise not to tell her anything.
"Oh, but I thought Hank wanted to go looking for socks and underwear," Agnes said with motherly concern and walked closer, only stopping at the small table by the entrance to pick up her purse.
"The DVD player is broken," Raven said quickly, obviously just having come up with that idea. "He wants to help us fix it."
"Ah, alright," Agnes replied. "Well then, we'll be on our way. I'll try to pick something up for you, honey. What's your size? You really do have quite large feet," she added as she looked down at him and smiled, briefly patting his cheek and thankfully neither noticing Alex' snorted cough nor the look of embarrassment on Hank's features.
As Alex and Agnes left while Raven and Irene led Hank back into the living room so he could sit down first and drink some water, Charles turned back towards the staircase leading into the basement. His heart nearly gave out then, because, as soon as he had reached it, he could see Erik standing on the middle landing, concealed by the surrounding wall but in full earshot of the entire conversation that had taken place.
Charles did not know what to say.
~*~
It was a really fortunate circumstance that they had plenty of strong, English tea in the house, Charles thought the next day when he had been close to just falling asleep twice, one time before lunch and the next in the afternoon. He couldn't remember when he had last slept undisturbed and long enough for an entire night. The worries about their current situation - sometimes nightmares that followed them - weren't the only reason that had had him toss and turn, unable to get some rest last night. And it had only been a lot later, after he'd given in to the urges of his body, feeling like a 14-year-old with a silly schoolboy's crush, that he'd finally been able to sleep. He had felt a little guilty in the morning, too. Not about what he had done, per se - he was neither catholic nor ascetic enough for such nonsense - but about having, well, used Erik that way. As if he had somehow besmirched him, stained him in a way that wasn't fair and honest and appropriate. It hadn't been just some dirty little fantasy, though, and in a way that even made it worse, made him almost unable to look Erik in the eyes as they sat in the winter garden next to the kitchen with a board of chess between them. As if he was afraid Erik would somehow be able to see that embarrassing little secret in his eyes, although Charles knew that was ridiculous.
Yesterday, in the pool, he would have kissed him. He most definitely would have, because in that moment it had felt right, inevitable even. Now, with the cold facts of reality having surfaced and that intimate, even magical moment long past, he realized again that his feelings would have to go unanswered. Even if Erik reciprocated them on some level - he had not drawn back from either the embrace or the small kisses to his forehead - it just seemed wrong on so many levels to Charles. First of, there was the most obvious reason that there were much more pressing issues burdening all of them than to think of something as silly and mundane as a little romance - if you could even call it that. Secondly, if Charles hadn't misinterpreted Erik's story, Erik was, in fact, surprising as it seemed, still a virgin (and God, he hated that word, hated it because it sounded so trivial and belittling, kind of demeaning even, something that was used in jokes and comedy shows to make fun of men that were such losers for still not having gotten any at the age of thirty and older). Technicalities aside, even thinking of Erik in a sexual context made Charles feel as if he was befouling something innocent and pure.
The most crucial reason, however, was the fact that Erik simply didn't belong here. He may have been able to uphold the illusion that he could adjust to the life of humans, or land-walkers as he called them, but Charles knew this wasn't right in the long run. It was like caging a majestic animal that needed to be free lest it withered and died, or, in the best possible scenario survived as a weary and weak shell of its former self (there was a reason why he and Moira had often had heated arguments about her work at the aquarium before they had broken up - although the marine animals on display there were known to adjust well to life in captivity, and he'd maybe been too hard on her sometimes, their conflicts just a general sign of their relationship falling apart).
He had been thinking about Moira a lot those past two days, not because he missed her or wished things had turned out differently - after all they were still friends and had both realized a purely platonic relationship was doing them much, much better. But he had compared, wondered where his life would take him in the future, even hypothesized for brief moments what it might be like to be in a relationship with Erik to whom he felt much more connected than he'd ever had to Moira or any of his other liaisons and relationships. Wondered if he'd end up forever alone because he was too much of an idealist and dreamer for anybody real to deal with.
Maybe it was that sense of unreality that made him think he was falling in love with Erik. Something he needed to get over, get a grip on himself and act like a grown-up.
"Charles? Are you sure you want to make that move?"
Erik's voice tore him from his reverie, his eyes rising from the surface of the chess board where he had half-heartedly moved his bishop to threaten Erik's knight. He had completely failed to see that with that move, even if it meant he'd take one of Erik's important pieces in the next, his queen was in direct line of Erik's own bishop now.
"Oh," he breathed and tried to smile at Erik, shaking his thoughts off. "I'm sorry. I must have overlooked that. But the move is made. Go ahead."
"You can take it back, if you want," Erik said, and Charles could swear that he was trying to read him, brow slightly furrowed in skepticism as he looked at Charles.
"No, it's alright. I should have known better than to make such a stupid mistake. My loss, your gain."
Erik still seemed to ponder for a second before he leaned forward and moved his bishop, taking the white queen off the board but holding it in his hand for a moment longer. "Check."
Charles couldn't help but smile then, though the pride and admiration he felt was mixed with a melancholy heaviness in his chest. "You're learning fast, my friend. You'll beat me even if I don't commit such silly errors in no time," he said and moved a pawn to take out Erik's bishop. That still left Erik's knight unguarded and in danger, but there were several other possible moves now that could justify losing that piece.
"What were you thinking about?" Erik asked calmly, but there was a tiny undertone in his voice that was somehow challenging, even intimidating in light of what Charles had been thinking about.
He let out an unsure chuckle and shifted his weight, crossing one knee over the other as he leaned back and glanced sideways to the small table with his tea cup. "Nothing in particular," he lied, feeling guilty. "Well, just… you know, everything that's been going on. But don't let that disturb you. I'll promise to stay focused now."
Erik seemed to accept the response, yet he appeared to be in thoughts himself now, gaze in direction of the chess board but not really looking at it, or so Charles imagined.
He wanted to find a topic, anything, that would distract him from his previous thoughts and still explain his broodiness, but he could come up with nothing that would not remind Erik of the more unpleasant things going on. Even though he had not said anything and tried to hide it, Charles had seen yesterday that Hank, Irene and Alex finding out about him, and especially Hank's harsh words, had troubled him. Charles was even pretty certain, in a way, Erik had been embarrassed which had been confirmed by the fact that he had stayed in his room for almost all of the remaining day. And this morning during breakfast, Erik had rather glared at Hank in distrust.
In retrospect, Charles really did feel sorry for Hank. He knew Hank was a good person and not someone to easily judge others or be outright mean to them, but he sometimes had a tendency to express himself a little poorly. And he really had been quite freaked out, understandably. Charles just hoped that Erik understood this as well and had forgiven Hank, despite having accepted the apology this morning rather grumpily.
"Hm, I'm not sure…"
"Not sure about what?" Charles asked, again torn into the present.
Erik released a slightly deeper breath that almost seemed like a groan. "This move", he said, nodding towards the chess board where his fingers were hovering above his knight.
"Oh. Right."
"You're really not in the game right now, are you, Charles?" It could have sounded teasingly admonishing, especially since there was a small smirk on Erik's lips, but his eyes lacked their usual glint of mischief in such situations that Charles had already gotten used to and come to appreciate.
"I'm sorry."
"I said I'm not worried about the others knowing. Maybe it was even necessary," Erik continued, leaning back into his chair to take a pause from the game if necessary. He tilted his head slightly. "Unless there's something else on your mind."
Charles felt caught, a stab of panic shooting through his middle, and he desperately hoped his cheeks weren't reddening as he felt slight heat crawl across his skin. It took him completely by surprise, ice-cold, that he only realized now that maybe there was the possibility Erik understood just perfectly what was going on. Despite his innocence and lack of experience he wasn't a naïve child; he must have - or could have - known that Charles had meant to kiss him yesterday. Maybe he would've even wanted it to happen, was thinking about it now as well, wanted them to be together and…
Stop. Just stop thinking about it
"I wanted to apologize for my behavior yesterday," Charles blurted out then, not quite sure why he had said that.
"What do you mean?" Erik asked, his gaze fixed on Charles more intently, and Charles almost wanted to smack his forehead then. Maybe Erik really hadn't realized.
"I mean my… well… that I didn't keep my distance. It was inappropriate."
"Oh." Or maybe he had and this was a look of disappointment he saw on Erik's features?
"You know, how about I put on some music? It's a bit quiet here, don't you think?" Charles started and got up from his seat. "Do you like music?" Damnit, there used to be a radio in the winter garden somewhere.
"Unless you're talking about whale song and seagulls I'm not sure I'm an expert on it," Erik replied, and Charles could have sworn there was something definitely mocking in his tone now.
"Right. What about your grandmother, though? Did she put on some music sometimes? Anything you'd remember? I have quite the big record collection upstairs in my father's old music room. He was a big fan of forties jazz, some rock 'n roll and classical music. Like you said, my mind's not on the game. We could finish this another time. Or m -"
The rest of the word was drowned in a slightly squeaked mumble, muted by the lips that were suddenly on his. So suddenly that Charles had not even had time to wonder why Erik gotten up from his chair as well and crossed the distance between them. The mumbled attempt to finish his sentence turned into a sigh as he fully registered the feel of Erik's lips on his, soft and warm, the contact gentle and rather chaste but sending shivers through his entire body and causing his heart to flutter in his chest with such ferocity that it felt like it wanted to jump right out of him. A hand was at the back of his neck, the contact equally gentle, but soon he found his lips yielding, opening ever so slightly against the carefully exploring contact. Unpracticed, and maybe even a little awkward, no tongue just yet, but it felt simply wonderful. So full of longing and need and want and…
He drew away, breathing hard with shock and surprise at what had just happened. Torn between wanting more and that feeling of guilt in the back of his mind.
"Oh Erik, what are you doing? No, this…" He sighed, not wanting to look into those sea-green eyes that looked at him in confusion now.
"We can't do this. I mean, you're… and I'm…." He meant to say that he couldn't ask this from Erik, that Erik belonged into the ocean while he belonged here, or his apartment in Manhattan, with his family and friends and job and all the things that would hold Erik back, but he could not find the words on his tongue, still tasting the gentle kiss that made him ache for more.
Erik's gaze darkened then, whether with hurt or anger or something else entirely Charles couldn't tell, but he nodded and turned away. "You're right. We're more different than I thought," he said with an undertone of bitterness that made Charles wonder what exactly he meant. Maybe the realization that this… this thing between them didn't have any prospect for the future hurt him as much as it hurt Charles.
"We can finish the game tomorrow. Good night Charles." And with that, Erik headed for the door while Charles still stood in the winter garden, unable to speak or move except for the heavy, heavy breaths making his chest rise and constrict.
Why, just why had he let it come so far?
~ TBC ~
Chapter 9
A/N: Sooo... you wanted a kiss, didn't you? Apparently my story demanded a kiss as well without me knowing. I hadn't planned for it to happen here aleady, but the thing kinda wrote itself ^^
There was something else I wanted to mention - I kinda have this thing like twice a day where I think "Oooh yeah, you've gotta put that in the A/N next time", and by the time I post my next chapter I've forgotten it. Ah well ^^
One thing though: California passed the bill on banning trade and sell of shark fins yesterday which is a HUGE success. When I mentioned that Shaw's doing illegal shark finning business I simply thought I wouldn't specify the year this is set in, or see it as "AU" of the real world in which there are already stricter laws. But now it could be set next year ^^
Anyway, hope you're enjoying the chapter despite the angst. And if you're now thinking Charles is a gigantic moron you have my full approval. ^^ I will have to have a word with him.
ETA: Oh right, I remember one thing: the winter garden ^^ Just in case any of you are wondering, I was thinking that maybe the mansion has a slightly different layout in 2012 than it had back then. Maybe the rooms are used differently, most likely decorated differently. And I thought it would be nice to have something more nature like within the house with plants and all that. Okay. Just a minor detail... but that kinda still wasn't it. ^^ Maybe I'll remember it later.